What's the ultimate (fake) book synopsis?

April 7, 2006 6:51 AM

What faked-up synopsis of my book is most likely to win me kudos and myriad sexual adventures?

Okay, I'm just coming to the end of redrafting a novel for my agent, and I have a problem: when I get asked what I do, and I say, 'I'm a writer,' the usual response is 'Wow - that sounds really cool. What's your book about?'
The problem is, it's not highbrow literary fiction or a slickly-paced crime thriller, it's a Fantasy novel full of weird creatures and elaborate contraptions and other stuff that I (and doubtless many kids) think is 'neat'. Not the kind of stuff likely to play well with sophistimacated types of either sex.
After countless experiences of watching eyes glaze over, I've decided to do the only sensible thing - lie through my teeth.
I need help cooking up the 'ultimate' novel synopsis, a book so perfect that it will have women falling at my feet like wheat in a hurricane while men look on with grudging admiration. What's the faked-up story I should tell people I'm writing?

posted by RokkitNite to media & arts (36 comments total)

Note that said faked-up story, if you have such a fantastic description, will almost assuredly need to then be written. Since, you know, these people will want to read it down the line. Unless you're looking to just impress people that you're going to meet once and then never see again. In which case, why do you even care what they think? Just tell them that you're a fantasy author, and leave it at that.
posted by antifuse at 7:05 AM on April 7, 2006

I am a painter. The people, they ask me what kind of paintings I make. I say, they are the kind you have to look at.
posted by lee at 7:05 AM on April 7, 2006

"it's a Fantasy novel full of weird creatures and elaborate contraptions"

"Did you ever see "The Dark Crystal"? No? How about "Lord Of The Rings"? Yeah. It's like that."
posted by y6y6y6 at 7:06 AM on April 7, 2006

"It's a work of allegorical fiction, a tale that uses mythical archetypes to comment on the human condition. But what do YOU do?"

Both impressively obfuscating and mainly devoid of deceit.
posted by BigLankyBastard at 7:09 AM on April 7, 2006

Your story has a plot, no? Strip the fantasy, weird creatures and elaborate contraptions from your description of the story and just describe the essential elements of the plot without them. The details don't really matter in such situations. If pressed just say that you have a vivid imagination and have incorporated many non-traditional characters and settings into your novel.
posted by caddis at 7:11 AM on April 7, 2006

It is entirely possible to talk about the main themes of, for example, Star Wars without making any mention of robots, spaceships, light sabres, or all the rest of it. Perhaps you would get a better reaction if you describe what your book is about in terms of character development, moral dilemmas and that kind of thing. You wouldn't have to lie, just emphasize the aspects of the book that are of more general interest. Of course if weird creatures and elaborate contraptions are what you're really interested in then I say go for it - refuse to be embarrased and let your passion show. It's much more fun to talk to someone who is unashamedly enthusiastic about what they do, whatever that is.
posted by teleskiving at 7:13 AM on April 7, 2006

Steal someone else's work if you must lie. Something sort of deep which involves yuppies or bohemians. I'm assuming these are the sorts of people you are trying to impress. Probably better not to trade off of your writer status--I'd play it off--I'd love to say I'm writing the great American novel about people in modern society trying to connect through the barriers set up by our parents, but really I just write regular fantasy books for kids. Then smile and keep looking them straight in the eye. Or forget it all and stick to looking them straight in the eye.
posted by Ironmouth at 7:19 AM on April 7, 2006

For what it's worth, I have this problem even as someone writing fairly normal literary fiction.
posted by Marquis at 7:23 AM on April 7, 2006

er, please insert scare-quotes around "literary"
posted by Marquis at 7:24 AM on April 7, 2006

I'd urge you to at least experiment with a pithy teaser rather than a synopsis. In my experience most people who want to know what a book "is about" are looking for context not a fullblown plot Clift Notes.

As an example, I published a book that was a fairly lucid (I've been told) though dense and wonky study of public policymaking in Congress with regard to HIV/AIDS and illegal drug use. When asked what my book is about I simply say: "Sex and drugs.

In your case it sounds like you have lots of material to come up with your teaser . . .
posted by donovan at 7:36 AM on April 7, 2006

Look at it this way: would you rather impress the sort of person who would be impressed by doubletalk about archetypes and the human condition... or would you rather impress the sort of person who genuinely thinks weird creatures and elaborate contraptions are neat?

The latter may be less numerous, but they're definitely more fun.

Failing that, just tell them it's rhymed verse about Jesus. That gets 'em every time.
posted by ook at 7:45 AM on April 7, 2006

"It's like Harry Potter, but better."
posted by OmieWise at 7:51 AM on April 7, 2006

Tell them you're working on "The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test" for the 21st century. If they give you any guff, tell them they're "off the bus."
posted by zanni at 8:02 AM on April 7, 2006

Go for a pithy teaser others have suggested, not full-out fabrication. If you're trying to impress potential romantic partners and succeed, well, sooner or later they may just ask to read the book.
posted by Kellydamnit at 8:12 AM on April 7, 2006

If I don't feel like answering "What's your novel about?" on a given evening's 15th iteration of the question, I've been known to say "A boy and his dog." Sort of the opposite of what you're asking, but it does seem to lead to a quick and painless end to the conversation.

Maybe you should come up with a "cross between" description. Like an author or work that resembles your book, plus one that sounds impressive but actually makes no sense.

"I think of it as a cross between The Chronicles of Narnia and a Tarkovsky film."

"It's sort of Tolkein meets Strindberg, if you know what I mean."

"Imagine if Madeline L'Engle and Edvard Munch got together, hit it off, and wrote a book. Which was edited by Frank Capra."
posted by staggernation at 8:40 AM on April 7, 2006

'The novel Ayn Rand [or any other author that has a vague non-mainstream clique attached to it] dreamt of writing'
posted by Navek Rednam at 8:46 AM on April 7, 2006

"It's like Jaws meets Basic Instinct!"
posted by jasper411 at 8:55 AM on April 7, 2006

"It's about a close-nit community of intelligent but jaded people who pine for the idyllic good-old-days, before the gates were opened and the "undesirables" came to town. A mysterious ailment has infected the townspeople that causes them to talk endlessly about how little they care about whatever it is they're talking about. Whenever a member of the community speaks up about this mysterious ailment, the other townspeople stone them to death.

Totally zany fiction. Sort of a Douglas Adams / Shirley Jackson mash-up."

Admittedly it's a bit far-fetched. Not sure if they'd believe you.
posted by bondcliff at 9:19 AM on April 7, 2006

"It's a retelling of ________ "
posted by _sirmissalot_ at 9:27 AM on April 7, 2006

I am working on a book about a community website. That kills people."
posted by LarryC at 9:33 AM on April 7, 2006

Reference Snakes on a Plane, share a larf, and eat another appetizer.

Granted, that might not quite yield the "women falling like wheat in a hurricane" response you're looking for.
posted by Alt F4 at 9:44 AM on April 7, 2006

It's a about a man who finds a cure for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. He's brilliant, but painfully shy and lonely -- living in this huge manhattan apartment, all by himself with just his poetry books and impressionist paintings for company. Though he's an amateur gourmet chef, he has no one to cook for, so he spends his evenings eating take out, listening to Mozart, and trying to work out a cure for blindness.

Since he's studying the body and its disorders, he decided to start working out, so that he can learn from his own body. Over the course of a year, he metamorphoses from a skinny, nerdy guy to a broad-shouldered, muscular stud. His confidence blooms and he starts dressing well. Women start to notice him.

But he's in a bind, because he knows they wouldn't have given him a second glance the year before. He yearns for a woman who can see beyond his wealth and the superficial changes to his body, and love him for the man he's always been on the inside.

Then he meets Charlotte and everything changes. Charlotte is blind. She can't see his muscles, his 6'4" stance, or his piecing blue eyes -- yet she KNOWS him. She asks him to read his favorite poems to her. He holds her fingers up to his Monets and lets her feel the brushstrokes.

After five years of being together, he cures her blindness. All is well, until their little girl develops cancer...
posted by grumblebee at 10:15 AM on April 7, 2006

It's about life, love and regret.

I got that off of a band's shirt and I find it works whenever I don't feel like answering the question "What's it about," even if it's just a book I'm reading or a movie I saw.
posted by miniape at 10:23 AM on April 7, 2006

First of all, you're the first writer I've ever heard of who needed help lying.

[warning-- offensive comments follow]

Second of all, your book is an autobiography of your time with the Fire Department of New York, and a tribute to the squadmates you were unable to rescue while getting the rest of your squad out of the collapsing towers.

Then sit back and wait for the blowjobs to begin.
posted by tkolar at 10:29 AM on April 7, 2006

I'm tempted to advise: "it's a Fantasy novel full of weird creatures and elaborate contraptions and other stuff that I (and doubtless many kids) think is 'neat'." Take your sexual adventures with people without sticks so far up their asses that they can't respect anything their English professors wouldn't approve of.

But that's the kind of thinking that earned me a lot of celibacy.

Start by describing the personal and interpersonal conflicts. Ask the person questions about what they've read and enjoyed -- lit snobs love lots of science fiction and fantasy so long as it's safely labelled 'novel' on the spine, and has been required reading in college. Customize your answer based on that response. If you've found a genre fan, cut loose.

If you're dealing with a lit snob, describe it in terms of the things the person's read, playing up all the many levels on which your book can be appreciated, how it works on both high and low levels, like Shakespeare, not that you're likening yourself to him. Or that you're using fantastic elements metaphorically, or playing on reader expectations of genre tropes for literary effect, or making liberal use of pop cultural elements from Alice in Wonderland to the Lord of the Rings, or that you can looking at the reflection of humanity in a twisted, fun-house mirror allows you to see and focus on important things in a way you can't with a more literal reflection...

Blah blah blah blah blah. What Biglankybastard, caddis, teleskiving, and staggernation said.
posted by Zed_Lopez at 10:32 AM on April 7, 2006

"Imagine if Madeline L'Engle and Edvard Munch got together, hit it off, and wrote a book. Which was edited by Frank Capra."

ooo, stagernation, can I read your book?

Whenever I try to describe Cryptonomicon to someone I say it's a book about math, sex, and war. Three words which say: intelligent and hot, yet manly...
posted by kechi at 10:36 AM on April 7, 2006

Metafilter: It's about Math, Sex, and War.
posted by BigLankyBastard at 10:59 AM on April 7, 2006

At first, I thought to myself, "Is there no sense of humor anymore on MeFi?" Then I realized... was there ever? Ha! I kill me. C'mon, guys. He's trying to impress people at parties and sleep with the ladies, not forge meaningful relationships with beautiful souls. Writers already have meaningful relationships. With their flasks.

When I'm going highbrow and don't want to tell people I'm writing a genre movie again (although here in L.A., programmers practically are literature), I say I'm working on a period piece. Depending on my mood, I go Salem witch trials (which feels a little poppy for the lit snob crowd), Spanish Inquisition ('cause it's just like today, y'know? pause, muster tear... I'm sorry. Thinking about Iraq just makes me get emotional), and when I wanna pull out the big guns, I go World War I. They're both impressed and silenced. Exactly what I want.
posted by incessant at 11:53 AM on April 7, 2006

"It's about the trials and tribulations of a writer who has been gifted with astonishing intellect, unending compassion, piles of cash, perfect timing, and an enormous penis."

Tell 'em it's being optioned for a movie, but they can't find anyone handsome enough to star in it. Shrug and smile.
posted by hamster at 12:15 PM on April 7, 2006

"It's a metaphysical investigation into the nature of reality and an exploration of the expression of life in it's many forms. Through intellectual experimentation, concepts are defined, developed, and manifested in the expression of physical objects having counter-intuative characteristics. A complex interplay between these issues is then woven into a literary narrative and delivered in novel format."

AKA: It's got monsters and gadgets that do cool stuff.

Or: "Have you read Dune? Yeah, it's nothing like that."
posted by blue_beetle at 1:01 PM on April 7, 2006

"It's a tragic romance set in pre-revolutionary France. It tells the story of Jean Jacques, a humble stable boy, and the forbidden love he has for his only true friend. Who also happens to be his horse."
posted by blue_beetle at 1:05 PM on April 7, 2006

Totally go with saying you're writing a fantasy novel like Harry Potter. They're the most popular books around right now and made the author a bajillionaire. Hint that WB has already approached you about movie rights. The ladies will be all up ons.
posted by team lowkey at 2:00 PM on April 7, 2006

"Falling like wheat in a hurricane"? You want to be with women who are like plants flattened by high winds and heavy rain?
posted by medusa at 5:02 PM on April 7, 2006

Awesome responses, people. I'm all about the devious, oh-so-worthy plots...
posted by RokkitNite at 5:43 PM on April 7, 2006

Pick up girls women in comic book shops. Sheesh.
posted by fourcheesemac at 6:06 PM on April 7, 2006

there are women in comic book shops?

i kid, i kid

but we all know their aren't
posted by lannanh at 1:32 PM on April 8, 2006