Surgery recovery support for women's anatomy that I don't understand?

September 30, 2021 2:50 PM

My wife is having her hysterectomy today and while trying to be supportive I already made a mistake by suggesting that during her recovery I could take her for lots of long, scenic drives to areas that she loves...

... however I just found out that sitting in a car with a seat belt is a big no no for her recovery. Makes sense once explained but I realized that I don't really know what to expect or how to support her, other than it will be at least 6 weeks before she can go back to work which gives me a rough timeline. Due to covid restrictions I can't be at the hospital for her admission/discharge processes so will miss the opportunity to ask questions.

Any tips or suggestions from those who have been through this? (I will already be asking her directly what she wants, this is in addition to that)

posted by McNulty to Health & Fitness (23 answers total)

Does the surgery center offer a class (usually a couple hours) for patients and caregivers to understand rehab requirements? They should have scheduled you for this ahead of time, but ask the surgeon’s admin or PA. If no class, they can give you some instructions.
posted by matildaben at 3:06 PM on September 30, 2021 [2 favorites]

Definitely do call the office and ask, based on the specific procedure your wife is undergoing. They can give you much more detailed and accurate information (and, that way you'll be a partner with her in figuring it out, rather than educating you being another task on her list).

That said, I'm sure there are also people here (or on forums for folks recovering from the same issues?) who can give some anecdotal advice of things they liked and didn't like. I'd just add that recovery from major surgery can be exhausting - it seems like you're not doing anything but your body is working hard. So kindness and being the one to act first (for chores, for going to her instead of expecting her to go to you, for asking instead of waiting for her to ask) can go a long way.
posted by Lady Li at 3:12 PM on September 30, 2021 [2 favorites]

After the first few days, I would expect it would be more fatigue rather than a need to avoid putting the relatively modest pressure of a seatbelt on the abdominal area that might be the problem. That is, the first few days you definitely can have some pain when there's pressure there (make sure she has a pillow to brace herself for sneezes). That shouldn't last six weeks, or probably even two--but the fatigue can go on a lonnnnng time. (But of course you should follow whatever directions her doctor gives on this point!)

If she's having an open surgery, if she wants to spend the first week or so basically in bed, I would just expect to be waiting on her hand and foot. Her doctor will instruct her about trying to get up and take short walks pretty early on, which helps speed recovery, but other than that, don't expect her to do any household labor at all. Sorry if you're not the kind of guy to whom this needs to be said, but: keep the apartment to its usual level of cleanliness yourself. I can imagine few things more depressing than emerging after several days laid up to find that my partner had basically saved all the housework for me.
posted by praemunire at 3:26 PM on September 30, 2021 [18 favorites]

The passage of time was kind of weird for me because my surgery was complicated and I ended up being on strong pain medication for quite a while, but it felt like a couple of weeks before I felt like doing anything more strenuous than limping to the bathroom.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 3:32 PM on September 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

I've had a couple of surgeries recently, including a Hysterectomy.

Honesty, the most helpful things? I bought myself a paid Spotify membership, and a 10 foot charging cord. And then a wrist strap for the phone. I could just stay in bed, listen to relaxing and interesting podcasts in my drug induced haze, and not worry about losing my phone in the process.
posted by spinifex23 at 3:46 PM on September 30, 2021 [16 favorites]

Movies, fun television binges (What We Do in the Shadows, Ted Lasso, Succession is starting up again, Broad City was great). Very supportive pillows for her to sit up--when somebody goes stabby at your lower internals, things you never think about are very hard to do--getting out of that position is hard. Getting out of bed is the pits. And basically thinking ahead -- she's not going to want to figure out dinner and won't be able to do laundry, so if there are household tasks that normally fall on her if you do them ahead of time, without her having to point them out, that would probably be nice.

I'm not saying that to suggest there's some sort of sexist division of labor here; just that there is a division of labor for all of us with partners and when the other person is down, it's nice if you step up and take care of the things that might have previously passed without your knowing.

Stay ahead of pain meds--remember when she's due and hand them over.

Let her know she's loved and cared for. "It's the thought that counts" is a cliche for a reason. A soft fleece blanket would be nice, maybe.

And definitely ask the doctor's office if they have a recovery cheat sheet---they almost always do with stuff.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 3:48 PM on September 30, 2021 [11 favorites]

100% in agreement with the ten foot charging cord. Crawling around for those is a nightmare.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 4:11 PM on September 30, 2021 [5 favorites]

+100 to staying on the medication schedule rather than waiting for pain. I don't know how common this is, but I also needed ice packs for the itching that was a frequent side effect of the opiates.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:24 PM on September 30, 2021 [7 favorites]

I lent my electric heating pad to a family member recovering from a hysterectomy and they found it helpful. They tend to be relatively inexpensive and can often be purchased at the drug store.

Probably it would be helpful to have the expectation that you will need to run the show at home for a few weeks: figure out the meals, make the meals, keep the house clean. My family member did most of that stuff, and it was an adjustment for their partner to have to take on everything.
posted by ice-cream forever at 5:09 PM on September 30, 2021

In addition to a charging cord, consider an "extension arm" mounted to the headboard or to the night-stand, so she can "rotate" the phone to her when she needs to manipulate it, can see it while lying down, and move it out of the way when she doesn't need it.

This is a lamp-arm type: https://www.amazon.com/Samhouse-Rotating-Aluminum-iPhoneXS-Nintendo/dp/B07P8YHKLF/

There are also goosenecked versions: https://www.amazon.com/Lamicall-Gooseneck-Phone-Holder-Bed/dp/B08MZGPMPX

Add some zip-ties and you can make the 10 ft cable stay with the holder.
posted by kschang at 5:58 PM on September 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

Ice pack and heating pad! Also, anything heavier than a gallon of milk is beyond what she’ll be allowed to carry/move. So, depending on if you drive an old car be ready to open doors when you do pick her up! I also recommend a grabby hand to minimize bending. And if your library has audio books, get that set up on the phone/tablet - easier than reading when you are zoned out.
posted by Bottlecap at 6:17 PM on September 30, 2021

A close friend confided in me that bathroom stuff especially sucked during her recovery. A combo of pain med side effects, abdominal pain and weakness, dietary shifts, etc. Anything to make that more comfortable is probably a good idea - consult with nurses about post-op diet things, maybe indulge in wet wipes, have a space heater in the bathroom, keep it clean and tidy for her, etc.

My friend apparently just zoned for a week and it was only after that when she was like “I have GOT to tell someone about this” and somehow I was the one who wanted to listen. She said that first week was just kind of a cycle of sleep, meds, bodily maintenance, ouch, repeat. Apparently she watched like the entirety of classic Doctor Who in the background because “it makes just as much sense on drugs, but the special effects are better.”
posted by Mizu at 6:19 PM on September 30, 2021 [4 favorites]

Good advice here. A few items I would highlight or add based on my experience. I had a total abdominal hysterectomy—cut me open big time, not laparoscopic. I had a good recovery and I am not a robust person/have almost no pain tolerance. Things that helped:

Echoing staying ahead of the pain a million times. I got some sort of spinal anesthesia or epidural that was optional and am so glad I did. Made pain management so much easier after coming round. Don’t be a martyr, take the pills.

Bring a clutching pillow for her wherever you go/she is. Hold for going over bumps, sneezing/coughing, anything that involves bouncing or abs. Have it for when you are driving home from hospital.

When you drive home or she is in the car, really aim for a smooth route/avoid bumps as much as you are able for the ride home/first couple of days.

If she’s doing general anesthesia, encourage her to use her spirometer. Don’t be annoying about it, but per a friend who works in hospital data management, spirometer use is something that consistently has a marked difference in recovery, as does the getting up and doing short walks as soon as possible.

Think about your walking pace. Getting up and moving in small bursts really helps, but that movement is slow at first, so you will like have to slow down your usual pace to not rush her/offer arm.

I loved having wonderful comfy nightgowns and robes to wear. Soft, light, no waistbands.

Be around to help her up and down from sitting to standing and to help her with her post-surgical binder (it helps! But getting it on/off yourself the first week especially is a challenge).
posted by HonoriaGlossop at 6:57 PM on September 30, 2021 [6 favorites]

Okay, since no one else has mentioned it, I will warn you about the weirdest side effect of pelvic surgery, including hysterectomy. Many women experience an intense surge of libido during the interval in which you should not be having intercourse. INTENSE. I had this after a laparotomy and it was craaaaaazy. I looked online and found that this was very common. Lots of women on hystersisters talking about having orgasms in their sleep etc. Don’t have intercourse until cleared, obviously, but there are other ways to enjoy this totally bizarre phenomenon if she happens to experience it.
posted by HotToddy at 7:28 PM on September 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

By the way, after several surgeries, the thing that's done the best in warding off/alleviating opiate-induced constipation? Dried cherries. Like, a box of them. Presumably similar to prunes in fiber content, but far more edible.
posted by praemunire at 8:12 PM on September 30, 2021 [3 favorites]

Adding one caveat onto what HotToddy reports:

I had a laproscopic unilateral salpingo-oophrectomy when I was 26, and my then-very-new-boyfriend took me in for a week after I was discharged to look after me. Whatever surge in libido I had post-surgery, I attributed to "I'm 26" and "we're in LUUUUUUUUUUUV"; we still were dutifully avoiding penetrative sex, but that still left a lot of other stuff up for grabs and all I will say is that an orgasm has the same effect on an abdominal incision as laughing or coughing has. (Ow.)

Other people have covered the walking and the loose clothing. Another thing I haven't seen mentioned - slip-on shoes. For a week or two, your wife will literally not be able to bend down to tie her shoes - not because it is painful, but because the muscles involved literally will not work. This completely freaked me out two days after surgery - I was getting dressed to accompany my boyfriend on an outing to the lobby of his building, and was sitting in a chair and preparing to tie my shoes - and when I went to bend over to my shoes, my body literally did not respond to that impulse. It freaked me out to the point that I called my doctor - who explained that that was normal, and would go away and I would be able to bend down and tie my shoes again. And within a week it did.

So - yeah, slip-on shoes. Or be prepared to be on shoe-tying duty for that whole week or so.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:13 PM on September 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

It would help to have a straight backed chair with the back against the bed to help her get out of bed easily. Don't keep the shampoo on the shower floor. And buy an enema or two, just in case.
posted by serena15221 at 9:21 PM on September 30, 2021

I found a cane incredibly helpful. It helped me get in and out of bed, and when I started walking outside the house, I’d start out strong but flag after a bit. If you don’t have a friend you can borrow an appropriately sized one for her height from, there are medical rentals.

Nthing pillow for car and anything else with pressure. If you have pets , especially a cat, she won’t be able to clean the litter box for a while, pick them up, or easily feed them if bending is involved.

That first shower will feel great, but keep an eye on her in case she gets dizzy or weak.
posted by kitten kaboodle at 11:07 PM on September 30, 2021

A walker to hoist herself out of bed for trips to the bathroom is useful at first. My parent's chapter of the Red Cross has loaners. Also, she should not be a hero and should take a stool softener DAILY starting as soon as possible after surgery. Her surgeon should write it into her orders, in fact, for when she is still in hospital.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:38 AM on October 1, 2021 [3 favorites]

Expanding on praemunire's mention of cherries. The laxative effect of cherries is due to the type of sugar they contain (sorbitol). Mira-Lax works on the same principle. Cherry pie is more fun.
posted by SemiSalt at 5:18 AM on October 1, 2021

My wife had a hip replacement this spring, not a hysterectomy, but there are commonalities (the lift limit, bending was right out), and let me just say - the lift limit is real and EVERYTHING weighs more than a gallon of milk - our dog, our cat, actual groceries, her chair if she needed to move it a bit, her laptop bag, takeout... it really frustrated her as she started to feel better, but I had to lift and carry everything for weeks.

Slip-on shoes were a must (thirding, farthing, whatever we're on); she finally got Crocs and swears by them now (ask me about the surgical center sending her home in slipper socks and us, sleep deprived, taking a couple days to realize she could actually wear shoes, which vastly improved walking...)

As she was able to start wearing her regular shoes again, she found an extra long shoe horn to be very helpful; also, she wears boots all year and boot pulls were a must too (she still uses them, because why not). You may well have to help her get dressed and put on socks when she starts wearing regular clothes again, depending on how long bending remains uncomfortable. Basically, think about the 100000000 time a day we bend, and be prepared to do it all for a few weeks. I know I'm like the fifth person to mention bending, but neither of us had thought about the zillion times a day you bend and it was a whole thing,.

Toileting was very difficult, and our bathroom would not accommodate the walker; we borrowed a bedside commode for a few weeks. She hated it, but it made middle of the night trips to the bathroom doable. If she's not moving around well and you don't have an en suite bathroom, it's something to consider.
posted by joycehealy at 5:25 AM on October 1, 2021 [3 favorites]

Think about your bathroom, do you have a low toilet you might want to get a riser that goes over the toilet to make getting up and down to pee easier. If your bathroom is tiny or far away a bedside commode might help. A shower seat might come in handy for when she starts bathing again. You can rent this kind of thing as you'll only need it for a week or 2.

Don't ask your wife what she thinks she'll need now as it's too late, she is going to not really be in a place to make any decisions for a week or so and making her decide is just more stress she doesn't need. Watch her and if you see a need arrange a solution, most medical equipment rental places have stuff in stock you can get the same day.

Stock up on food she likes that is easy to eat, but don't be upset if she just picks at it for a day or 2. Get a few types of laxatives, pain killers give you terrible constipation & she's not going to want to be straining for a while.

Keep pets away for her for a few days, nothing hurts quite like a loving dog jumping up on the bed to say hello & stomping on a fresh incision.

Have ice packs and a heating pad ready to go. Monitor her meds for the first few days too, it's easy to get confused about what you have and haven't taken when you're on pain killers & recovering, a pill sorter can help.

Be prepared for her to just make a nest and stare vaguely at some sort of media for a few days to a week you know the sort she likes best so make sure access is easy.

Be proactive and don't be that person that is always asking for ways to help, but if she asks for something help cheerfully without eye rolling & sighing. Don't put that emotional work onto the person that hasn't got the spoons (energy) for that for the next week or so.

It all boils down to. Help keep her comfortable, clean fed and hydrated and distracted. Oh and stick to her med routine like clockwork. Also she'll most likely come home with a print out from the hospital explaining all the things she can & can't do, ask if you can read that.
posted by wwax at 9:06 AM on October 1, 2021 [2 favorites]

Only thing I'd add is an eye mask, especially if she's in he hospital for a couple of days. The lights are so bright!
Plus, don't ask, just provide food.
posted by Enid Lareg at 2:46 PM on October 1, 2021