Wedding Readings: Old + Practical Edition
August 10, 2021 1:55 PM Subscribe
Me and my beloved are getting married soon. We're close to 40 and, while very much in love, kinda allergic to flowery paens to the glories OF love. Give us your best wedding readings!
We both place MUCH greater value on the practical everyday work that goes into growing closer and creating and sustaining a happy, contented union. Grace, patience, kindness, acts of service, communication, washing the sex toys so the other person doesn't have to: those kinds of things! We're GLAD that we love one another, but we're PROUD of having put in the work.
Any quotes, essays, poems, song lyrics, etc. that reflect this would be amazing.
We both place MUCH greater value on the practical everyday work that goes into growing closer and creating and sustaining a happy, contented union. Grace, patience, kindness, acts of service, communication, washing the sex toys so the other person doesn't have to: those kinds of things! We're GLAD that we love one another, but we're PROUD of having put in the work.
Any quotes, essays, poems, song lyrics, etc. that reflect this would be amazing.
For that kind of sentiment, I like a passage by Theodore Parker (not originally given a title as far as I can tell), and Union by Robert Fulghum. There is also How Falling in Love is like Owning a Dog by Taylor Mali.
posted by plonkee at 2:28 PM on August 10, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by plonkee at 2:28 PM on August 10, 2021 [3 favorites]
Love Should Grow up like a Wild Iris in the Fields, by Susan Griffin
Congratulations!
posted by MonkeyToes at 3:06 PM on August 10, 2021
Congratulations!
posted by MonkeyToes at 3:06 PM on August 10, 2021
Our wedding ceremony was bilingual and lasted 5 minutes tops - the English reading chosen by my husband was a lovely nature quote from Aldo Leopold Sand County Almanach, and mine in French was from Simone de Beauvoir The Second Sex, which is full of gems including this:
"Two separate beings, in different circumstances, face to face in freedom and seeking justification of their existence through one another, will always live an adventure full of risk and promise."
posted by Freyja at 3:10 PM on August 10, 2021 [7 favorites]
"Two separate beings, in different circumstances, face to face in freedom and seeking justification of their existence through one another, will always live an adventure full of risk and promise."
posted by Freyja at 3:10 PM on August 10, 2021 [7 favorites]
We used Variations on the Word Love, by Margaret Atwood, which notably mentions slugs. Also, Goodridge v dept of health, which is utilitarian and practical in the most romantic way...
posted by Tandem Affinity at 3:21 PM on August 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Tandem Affinity at 3:21 PM on August 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
A classic I heard again recently is ‘A Vow’ by Wendy Cope.
posted by lokta at 3:47 PM on August 10, 2021
posted by lokta at 3:47 PM on August 10, 2021
Tandem Affinity: hah! We also had the officiant quote the Goodridge decision.
posted by dismas at 4:30 PM on August 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by dismas at 4:30 PM on August 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
One of my favorites that captures this vibe is "The End of the Affair" by David Sedaris. Check it out and see if it resonates!
posted by carlypennylane at 4:44 PM on August 10, 2021
posted by carlypennylane at 4:44 PM on August 10, 2021
I suggest "On Marriage" by Kahlil Gibran. Particularly the last stanza,
And stand together yet not too near
together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow
not in each other’s shadow.
posted by statusquoante at 4:50 PM on August 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
And stand together yet not too near
together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow
not in each other’s shadow.
posted by statusquoante at 4:50 PM on August 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
Yes, we used the second stanza of "On Marriage" by Kahlil Gibran, it has been part of 3 weddings of good friends. And would have used Goodridge if I hadn't already filled a reading slot with Mary Oliver's "A Summer Day".
posted by ldthomps at 6:20 PM on August 10, 2021
posted by ldthomps at 6:20 PM on August 10, 2021
we're PROUD of having put in the work.
I'll suggest something from "The Little Prince": "But my rose, all on her own, is more important than all of you together, since she's the one I've watered. Since she's the one I put under glass. Since she's the one I sheltered behind a screen. Since she's the one for whom I killed the caterpillars (except the two or three for butterflies). Since she's the one I listened to when she complained, or when she boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing at all. Since she's my rose."
Later: "It's the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important"
It's all from chapter 21 if that resonates...
posted by skunk pig at 6:39 PM on August 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
I'll suggest something from "The Little Prince": "But my rose, all on her own, is more important than all of you together, since she's the one I've watered. Since she's the one I put under glass. Since she's the one I sheltered behind a screen. Since she's the one for whom I killed the caterpillars (except the two or three for butterflies). Since she's the one I listened to when she complained, or when she boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing at all. Since she's my rose."
Later: "It's the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important"
It's all from chapter 21 if that resonates...
posted by skunk pig at 6:39 PM on August 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
If this is not your first marriage or serious relationship, Clementine von Radics' Mouthful of Forevers
Fred Rogers, When I say 'It's you I like'...
Jana Lynne Umipig, I'd Rather Rise in Love with You
Tony Kushner, from Thinking about the Longstanding Problems of Virtue: "I am yours, who I love, not a dream but life, not fantasy, immortality, eternity, but the present moment and all too mortal flesh; to do what is hardest; love is hardest; hard and simple and what is best in life. Love care honor growth --- fine simple things and I make a vow of them to you. I too vow these to you who I also love and also to the careful protecting and preserving of dreams. Circle within circle, concentrically guarded, in the pliable element of the innermost heart, a garden blossoms in a golden ring; the dream of dawn in paradise shines there. Love is imagination’s spur and food. I promise you a future, impossible things, Justice and freedom and life without loss, a practical pillow, a home, in fact, a sheltering and withstanding spirit and always room for your dreaming."
posted by cocoagirl at 6:47 PM on August 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
Fred Rogers, When I say 'It's you I like'...
Jana Lynne Umipig, I'd Rather Rise in Love with You
Tony Kushner, from Thinking about the Longstanding Problems of Virtue: "I am yours, who I love, not a dream but life, not fantasy, immortality, eternity, but the present moment and all too mortal flesh; to do what is hardest; love is hardest; hard and simple and what is best in life. Love care honor growth --- fine simple things and I make a vow of them to you. I too vow these to you who I also love and also to the careful protecting and preserving of dreams. Circle within circle, concentrically guarded, in the pliable element of the innermost heart, a garden blossoms in a golden ring; the dream of dawn in paradise shines there. Love is imagination’s spur and food. I promise you a future, impossible things, Justice and freedom and life without loss, a practical pillow, a home, in fact, a sheltering and withstanding spirit and always room for your dreaming."
posted by cocoagirl at 6:47 PM on August 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
We used "The Orange" by Wendy Cope as one of ours.
posted by Emmy Rae at 8:59 PM on August 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Emmy Rae at 8:59 PM on August 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
I adore this quote from Greta Gerwig's Frances Ha. I plan to read it at our 20th Wedding Anniversary party. Maybe not what you're looking for, but I love it.
“It's that thing when you're with someone, and you love them and they know it, and they love you and you know it... but it's a party... and you're both talking to other people, and you're laughing and shining... and you look across the room and catch each other's eyes... but - but not because you're possessive, or it's precisely sexual... but because... that is your person in this life. And it's funny and sad, but only because this life will end, and it's this secret world that exists right there in public, unnoticed, that no one else knows about. It's sort of like how they say that other dimensions exist all around us, but we don't have the ability to perceive them. That's - That's what I want out of a relationship. Or just life, I guess.”
posted by fyrebelley at 9:04 PM on August 10, 2021 [3 favorites]
“It's that thing when you're with someone, and you love them and they know it, and they love you and you know it... but it's a party... and you're both talking to other people, and you're laughing and shining... and you look across the room and catch each other's eyes... but - but not because you're possessive, or it's precisely sexual... but because... that is your person in this life. And it's funny and sad, but only because this life will end, and it's this secret world that exists right there in public, unnoticed, that no one else knows about. It's sort of like how they say that other dimensions exist all around us, but we don't have the ability to perceive them. That's - That's what I want out of a relationship. Or just life, I guess.”
posted by fyrebelley at 9:04 PM on August 10, 2021 [3 favorites]
I’ve always liked John Ciardi’s “Most Like an Arch This Marriage,” although it might be long.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:29 AM on August 11, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:29 AM on August 11, 2021 [3 favorites]
This excerpt from Madeleine L'engle's The Irrational Season:
But ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take. It is indeed a fearful gamble. Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature.
To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take. If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation. It takes a lifetime to learn another person. When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected.
posted by carrioncomfort at 5:53 AM on August 11, 2021 [1 favorite]
But ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take. It is indeed a fearful gamble. Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature.
To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take. If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation. It takes a lifetime to learn another person. When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected.
posted by carrioncomfort at 5:53 AM on August 11, 2021 [1 favorite]
"Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now."
Fred Rogers
posted by postel's law at 9:19 AM on August 11, 2021
Fred Rogers
posted by postel's law at 9:19 AM on August 11, 2021
We used Union in our wedding, but when I want to remind myself of what love really takes, I read this:
“Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. What then kills love? Only this: Neglect. Not to see you when you stand before me. Not to think of you in the little things. Not to make the road wide for you, the table spread for you. To choose you out of habit not desire, to pass the flower seller without a thought. To leave the dishes unwashed, the bed unmade, to ignore you in the mornings, make use of you at night. To crave another while pecking your cheek. To say your name without hearing it, to assume it is mine to call.”
― Jeanette Winterson, Written on the Body
posted by euphoria066 at 9:38 AM on August 11, 2021 [2 favorites]
“Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. What then kills love? Only this: Neglect. Not to see you when you stand before me. Not to think of you in the little things. Not to make the road wide for you, the table spread for you. To choose you out of habit not desire, to pass the flower seller without a thought. To leave the dishes unwashed, the bed unmade, to ignore you in the mornings, make use of you at night. To crave another while pecking your cheek. To say your name without hearing it, to assume it is mine to call.”
― Jeanette Winterson, Written on the Body
posted by euphoria066 at 9:38 AM on August 11, 2021 [2 favorites]
We just got married this summer and did Mr. Roger's "I Like You As You Are" as one of our readings.
posted by shortyJBot at 11:16 AM on August 11, 2021
posted by shortyJBot at 11:16 AM on August 11, 2021
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posted by dismas at 2:10 PM on August 10, 2021 [8 favorites]