How do I tell my colleague I'm applying for her job?

June 24, 2021 9:56 AM

I could use a script for how to tell my colleague that I'm going to apply for the job she's doing currently please? My workplace sometimes appoints people on temporary promotion for a year before looking to fill the position permanently. My nice, friendly, competent colleague is in this situation and is intending to apply for the job when it comes out in the fall.

I think she's doing a good job, but I think I would do a good job also. She has had a tough time of it due to factors outside her control and I think she's handled it really well although I'm not sure management agree for various reasons. I don't want to take advantage of this situation. I also want to be fair to her by being honest about my application. Particularly as I told her previously that I wasn't going to apply, but I've now thought it through some more, discussed the matter with some close confidants at work, and changed my mind.

The role we would be applying for tends to only come up once every 5 years or so and is the perfect role for both of us. If she gets it I would report to her, and if I get it she would report to me (although in that situation the person who doesn't get it usually transfers elsewhere in the company and I expect she will choose to do that).

I know this probably seems really simple and straightforward to someone outside the situation but to me it is really guilt-inducing to think about doing this although I know logically I wouldn't be doing anything morally wrong.

posted by hazyjane to Work & Money (18 answers total)

I also want to be fair to her by being honest about my application. Particularly as I told her previously that I wasn't going to apply, but I've now thought it through some more, discussed the matter with some close confidants at work, and changed my mind.

"I want to be fair to you by being honest about my forthcoming application for Position X. I know I told you previously that I wasn't going to apply, but I've now thought it through some more, discussed the matter with some close confidants at work, and changed my mind. I won't be mad at you if you get the job, and I hope the same goes for you, because we work really well together right now."
posted by cooker girl at 10:16 AM on June 24, 2021

Can you do anything to make her life better if you become her supervisor? I can't think of a graceful way to include this right now, but if you can finesse this, it might be a nice addition.
posted by amtho at 10:33 AM on June 24, 2021

"Just to let you know, after some more thought, I am applying for the job too. Good luck."


She either says, "Good luck to you too" or "How can you do this to me?" If it is the latter, say something like, "I am not doing this to you, I am doing it to advance my career. Let's see who gets the job before we lose a friendship (working relationship?) over it." Then walk away.
posted by AugustWest at 10:44 AM on June 24, 2021

I've been thinking about this, and I'm not sure you can do this without hurting feelings. There's no way to snake someone's job once you've told them you weren't going to snake their job without pissing them off, unless that person is remarkably forgiving. "Snaking their job" sounds a little harsh, and to be clear I don't think that's what you're doing, but your co-worker almost certainly will. There are now (at least) two of you gunning for one spot, which means one of you will lose, and if she's the one who loses, she's going to feel bad about it - that's unavoidable. This is almost similar to a breakup situation where one person doesn't want to break up. All you can do is acknowledge their hurt feelings and let them know you'd like to remain friends, and then let them decide how they want to proceed.
posted by kevinbelt at 11:22 AM on June 24, 2021

This is somewhat dishonest, but you could also approach it this way:

"I've decided to apply for Job X. I know you've got the experience, so you'll get it, but I want management to know that I'm interested and I want to get experience with the application process so that the next Job X will come my way."

If you end up getting the job, she's still going to be pissed off, but if you don't, perhaps you haven't burnt that bridge.
posted by jacquilynne at 11:51 AM on June 24, 2021

This isn't simply a "best woman for the job" situation. You are in fact taking advantage, in that you know that management undervalues her and instead of speaking up for her, you're hoping to exploit that perception and swoop in and take her job. You're also undermining any trust she may have felt in you by going back on your word.

I'm not saying don't do it if it truly doesn't violate your sense of ethics, but you should not expect to both be mercenary and also not alienate her at all. There are no magical words you can say that will make up for the predatory nature of the actions you're taking. Be prepared to lose any warm feelings that existed between you.
posted by Flock of Cynthiabirds at 12:38 PM on June 24, 2021

I like cooker girl's script a lot.

I also found myself in this exact situation a couple years ago--I'd told a colleague (who I was also friendly with) I wasn't going to apply for the role, I changed my mind and applied anyway, and she found out before I was able to tell her myself. She confronted me on it and it was a deeply uncomfortable conversation for both of us that would have gone much better if I'd told her first. So just a +1 that being proactive, upfront, and honest is the best move here.

I'd also recommend being kind but matter-of-fact about it. By which I mean, don't fall over yourself apologizing or justifying why you changed your mind, don't reassure her how great she is beyond the fact you'll be happy for her if she gets it, don't try to find some "this might work out better anyway!" spin, none of that is going to sound sincere even if it is, and it's likely to sound more condescending than helpful.
posted by rhiannonstone at 1:33 PM on June 24, 2021

Do not say anything at all about applying and let the chips fall where they may. And, in the future, avoid this entire situation by refusing to share your career plans so broadly.

Also, you are acting as though one of the two of you will get this position, but, who knows? It seems likely that more people will apply. In other words, by not saying anything you might be avoiding a lot of unnecessary drama.
posted by ASlackerPestersMums at 5:28 PM on June 24, 2021

If one of you gets the job, you can't really be friends any more anyway when one is boss.

I am not sure if you need to tell her you applied- usually nobody finds out until people get interviews, so it is somewhat possible that drama could be avoided. I have not told at work until an interview has been landed myself. But assuming that both in house employees get interviewed....yeah. I guess just be honest. But the chips will probably fall down anyway if you do it. I would feel guilty too. But that's how it goes.
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:04 PM on June 24, 2021

If this is in an industry were friends routinely apply for the same job, then a straightforward clarification should be enough (this sort of thing happens in academia all of the time, as there aren't many jobs for a given specialty but the specialists will often know each other).

If she is routinely talking to you about her job and/or her job application, you have to let her know that the two of you will be competing. Not doing so will, essentially, let you spy on her and use that information to make your application stronger. It would be a really shitty thing to do.

For what it's worth, I might stay friends with some who was honest enough to let me know that we were competing for the same job/goal. I could stomach losing out on a job, if I thought it was a fair fight. I absolutely would not stay friends with someone who kept that sort of thing from me while I thought I could confide in them. That's just beyond the pale.
posted by oddman at 8:57 PM on June 24, 2021

This is an absolute minefield situation. To be honest, I wouldn’t tell her, because she’s going to be upset. If you do tell her, best case scenario is that you get the job, she’s going to be upset but you can apologise and then make it up to her when you’re her boss.

The worst case scenario is that you tell her, she gets upset (because let’s face it, she’s going to be upset) she gets the gig anyway AND THEN SHE’S YOUR BOSS WHO HATES YOU BECAUSE YOU WENT BEHIND HER BACK AND TRIED TO STEAL HER JOB! Bad bad career move.

If you don’t tell her and you don’t get the job, no one is hurt. Or maybe neither of you will get it. But I’d keep my mouth shut. If she asks later and really pushes, tell her you were approached late in the game to throw your hat in the ring and you didn’t think anything would come of it because the job was hers so you didn’t think it was worth mentioning .
posted by Jubey at 11:17 PM on June 24, 2021

Thanks all, lots of good advice here. I do think though that this is a little unfair:

You are in fact taking advantage, in that you know that management undervalues her and instead of speaking up for her, you're hoping to exploit that perception and swoop in and take her job.

I'm not certain management undervalues her, and I definitely say nice, positive things about her performance whenever it's appropriate for me to do so. I don't want to take advantage of anything - I just want to feel like I can apply for this job that is going to be advertised internally and that I want, as several other people will be doing, in a fair, open and honest way.

I do think I need to tell her for fairness and also I'm pretty certain she would find out anyway even if I didn't.
posted by hazyjane at 11:18 PM on June 24, 2021

Normally I would agree with Oddman to just tell her upfront and be honest but the issue is that you’ve already said one thing and done another. So you’ve already had the advantage over her re job application, that ship has sailed. The friend is kinda screwed over at this point regardless.

You’re obviously allowed to change your mind and advocate for your own career but I would not expect her to be happy about it and either way chances are it will impact the friendship.
posted by Jubey at 11:24 PM on June 24, 2021

Just to clear up a couple of things:
- the job posting doesn't go out until the autumn- I have not applied yet
- the colleague is not a friend in the sense that we talk outside of work, or even know each others personal contact information. We are friendly at work and I do feel she confides in me about her work issues, we work well together and we make friendly chit chat before meetings.
posted by hazyjane at 12:08 AM on June 25, 2021

I absolutely would not stay friends with someone who kept that sort of thing from me while I thought I could confide in them.

I do feel she confides in me about her work issues

To me, the key issue here is that she is confiding in you about work difficulties without knowing that you will be competing for her position. Frankly, she is being a little naive, but she would probably not be doing that if you hadn't told her you weren't going to apply.

For this reason, I think you should mention, in a matter-of-fact way, that you have changed your mind and intend to apply when the job poster goes up. You will probably see a reduction in openness but you will have done the right thing.

If she weren't confiding in you, and you hadn't told her you weren't a competitor for the position, I would recommend saying nothing until the job was actually advertised and then--at most-- mentioning in passing that you had put in an application. Your colleague should be assuming that anyone else in the organization who sees themselves as qualified will be applying. Anything else is unrealistic, but letting misinformation about your intentions stand is unfair.
posted by rpfields at 9:30 AM on June 25, 2021

Reading your update and realizing that she keeps confiding in you about work matters, I would simply say that as an fyi you are reconsidering applying for the job. And then, when it comes up, try to discourage her from telling you anything about her application by changing topics.
posted by ASlackerPestersMums at 10:38 AM on June 25, 2021

hazyjane: "the colleague is not a friend in the sense that we talk outside of work, or even know each others personal contact information. We are friendly at work and I do feel she confides in me about her work issues, we work well together and we make friendly chit chat before meetings."

Good luck getting the job. If this is the level of "friendship" than you only have to decide if you will give a shit if they no longer speak to you. My opinion is if they do that is on them. You're conscious should be clear.

cookergirl's script is appropriate. I'd leave out "discussed the matter with some close confidants at work" which could make them feel as if others don't feel confident in them.

Again, good luck.
posted by Hey, Zeus! at 1:15 PM on June 25, 2021

I agree you should tell her, but don't think this won't be awkward. Think how you'd feel if someone said they were going to apply for your current job. It is a bit different, but still. I don't say this to make you feel bad, but just so that you can think about how you'd like to get this kind of information.

I personally would want to hear that you think I'm doing a good job (i.e., your decision to apply isn't a vote of "no confidence") and that the decision to apply was about your own career development. "I wanted to let you know that I am now thinking that I will likely apply for the BIS job. It's a tough job and you're really doing well at it, so it is probably a long shot [if this doesn't feel too disingenuous], but the more I thought about where I wanted my career to go, the more I thought I should at least apply and convey an interest in this kind of position."

I wouldn't say that you won't be mad at her. The relevant question from her end is how mad and betrayed she is or should be feeling at that moment. Pressuring her not to feel angry if you get the job instead of her is just counterproductive. If you get the job, you'll want her to work out her emotions in whatever way works best for her so that she can come to acceptance as soon as possible and you two can hopefully get on with having a positive professional relationship.
posted by slidell at 5:26 PM on June 25, 2021