Tips for following through on a commitment to myself?
May 22, 2021 7:26 PM Subscribe
I'm writing a novel, which I'm finding hard. Because it's hard, and I'm struggling, it's very easy not to do it. I think my issue is less writing-specific and more about finding ways to follow through on something I want to follow through on.
I'll spare you the gory details, but the upshot is this: I'd like to set goals for myself and meet them rather than thwart them. Specifically, I'd like to get to my writing desk and write every day. Time is not a problem. I have enough time. The problem is inner blocks, self-doubt, a whole smorgasbord of issues that are getting in my way. Do you have tips for finding ways to follow through on commitments to yourself? One idea that I think might be helpful would be to have an accountability partner who was sitting down at the same time for some minimum amount of time each day. But the one writer friend I raised this with has a schedule that is incompatible with mine. Thanks for your ideas!
I'll spare you the gory details, but the upshot is this: I'd like to set goals for myself and meet them rather than thwart them. Specifically, I'd like to get to my writing desk and write every day. Time is not a problem. I have enough time. The problem is inner blocks, self-doubt, a whole smorgasbord of issues that are getting in my way. Do you have tips for finding ways to follow through on commitments to yourself? One idea that I think might be helpful would be to have an accountability partner who was sitting down at the same time for some minimum amount of time each day. But the one writer friend I raised this with has a schedule that is incompatible with mine. Thanks for your ideas!
Have you tried NOT forcing yourself to work on your novel, but keeping your writing schedule?
Don't sit down at your desk every day to write thinking "I've got to work on my novel." Sit down every day and think "I'm going to write."
If writing the novel just isn't working for you that day and you feel blocked, frustrated, and like avoiding writing... try using writing prompts, write in a journal, jot down outlines of story ideas. Write a few descriptive paragraphs of a place you've been, or of a person you've seen, or of something completely imaginary. Just write.
posted by erst at 8:16 PM on May 22, 2021 [6 favorites]
Don't sit down at your desk every day to write thinking "I've got to work on my novel." Sit down every day and think "I'm going to write."
If writing the novel just isn't working for you that day and you feel blocked, frustrated, and like avoiding writing... try using writing prompts, write in a journal, jot down outlines of story ideas. Write a few descriptive paragraphs of a place you've been, or of a person you've seen, or of something completely imaginary. Just write.
posted by erst at 8:16 PM on May 22, 2021 [6 favorites]
If you can do this yourself, great, but you’ll probably need a trustworthy partner. Start by giving that person $500. Every day you accomplish your writing goal, your partner gives you $10 back. Every day you don’t, your partner donates $10 to an organization you find ideologically repugnant in your name.
posted by kevinbelt at 8:20 PM on May 22, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by kevinbelt at 8:20 PM on May 22, 2021 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I LOVE Focusmate. Has helped me get so much done - please please give it a try.
Secondary recommendation: Read Atomic Habits by James Clear. It argues that if we rely on willpower, it’s hard to do anything, but we can set up systems in our lives to make doing the desired action inevitable/undebatable.
posted by estlin at 8:39 PM on May 22, 2021 [13 favorites]
Secondary recommendation: Read Atomic Habits by James Clear. It argues that if we rely on willpower, it’s hard to do anything, but we can set up systems in our lives to make doing the desired action inevitable/undebatable.
posted by estlin at 8:39 PM on May 22, 2021 [13 favorites]
I'm working on a novel right now, and my rule is I write 500 words/an hour a day, first thing in the morning. And I do mean I do it very first thing. I keep my laptop right beside my bed and my rule is no getting up, no breakfast, no anything else until I've hammered out those 500 words. It usually takes me about an hour to write that, although sometimes it goes faster and I have time to write a little more.
That's my best time of day physically and mentally (I have chronic fatigue issues), and it just gets it done and out of the way.
You say you have time, but maybe it would be a good idea to set aside a specific time for writing.
posted by orange swan at 8:44 PM on May 22, 2021 [4 favorites]
That's my best time of day physically and mentally (I have chronic fatigue issues), and it just gets it done and out of the way.
You say you have time, but maybe it would be a good idea to set aside a specific time for writing.
posted by orange swan at 8:44 PM on May 22, 2021 [4 favorites]
This sounds dead on like being an Obliger in The Four Tendencies. (Take the quiz.)
I don't know on how to find an accountability partner IRL, but you might want to look for someone you know online or find a writing group or something for that. Or maybe not make it a case of you and the person writing at the same time, but holding each other to a word count or something like that.
As for me, I've gotten over the idea of writing a novel, but I did do NaNoWriMo for 17 years before finally getting tired of it, because someone else setting a project deadline and having to do 1667-ish words per day to meet it worked for me.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:50 PM on May 22, 2021
I don't know on how to find an accountability partner IRL, but you might want to look for someone you know online or find a writing group or something for that. Or maybe not make it a case of you and the person writing at the same time, but holding each other to a word count or something like that.
As for me, I've gotten over the idea of writing a novel, but I did do NaNoWriMo for 17 years before finally getting tired of it, because someone else setting a project deadline and having to do 1667-ish words per day to meet it worked for me.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:50 PM on May 22, 2021
Similar to an accountability partner, get a couple of beta readers. Tell them you’re going to send them new stuff at a certain day and time every week. Ask them to nag you if you don’t send it. Besides providing accountability, this may also provide you with positive feedback to help your self-doubt and also really constructive editorial suggestions. Ask friends or family members who like reading your genre, or ask here. I’d be happy to do it if you write fairly light genre fiction - just MeMail me.
posted by bananacabana at 9:56 PM on May 22, 2021
posted by bananacabana at 9:56 PM on May 22, 2021
Some things that work for me:
Writing early in the day before I start getting sucked into mundane tasks.
I listen to rain / ocean / thunder sounds while I write, helps me to relax and creates a sort of writing zone in my mind.
I have a small ritual to get myself into the chair, just making a cup of tea.
If I stop a writing session when I'm still in the flow, it's easier to start again the next day.
I have a separate document where I note down questions and plot holes as they arise, so I can go back to them later, instead of trying to solve them immediately and probably getting frustrated or discouraged.
I don't rewrite the previous day's writing, I pick up from where I left off and forge onwards till the first draft is done.
When I find myself procrastinating, I try to figure out what is wrong. Is it just the usual lack of momentum, am I tired and burnt out, or is there something about the story I'm writing that needs to be fixed before I can move on with writing the rest of it?
posted by Zumbador at 9:56 PM on May 22, 2021 [1 favorite]
Writing early in the day before I start getting sucked into mundane tasks.
I listen to rain / ocean / thunder sounds while I write, helps me to relax and creates a sort of writing zone in my mind.
I have a small ritual to get myself into the chair, just making a cup of tea.
If I stop a writing session when I'm still in the flow, it's easier to start again the next day.
I have a separate document where I note down questions and plot holes as they arise, so I can go back to them later, instead of trying to solve them immediately and probably getting frustrated or discouraged.
I don't rewrite the previous day's writing, I pick up from where I left off and forge onwards till the first draft is done.
When I find myself procrastinating, I try to figure out what is wrong. Is it just the usual lack of momentum, am I tired and burnt out, or is there something about the story I'm writing that needs to be fixed before I can move on with writing the rest of it?
posted by Zumbador at 9:56 PM on May 22, 2021 [1 favorite]
And about the inner doubt, that can be a very real stumbling block. What helps me is to recognise that almost everyone, even the most accomplished writers, doubt their own ability. I'll probably always feel that way. It's just a feeling, not a reflection of fact. Instead of aiming for a state where I will, one day, feel like a real, accomplished writer, I just try to have as much fun with my writing as possible right now.
posted by Zumbador at 10:04 PM on May 22, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by Zumbador at 10:04 PM on May 22, 2021 [3 favorites]
I recommend reading and doing the exercises in The Artists Way
This isn’t just a matter of focus or willingness and discipline: you need to create the internal and external space for creativity to occur. That might mean taking a step back from the cycle of ‘i should be writing, I’m not writing, but i should be writing, but I’m not’ for a few days or weeks to address the root of your writer’s block.
posted by you'rerightyou'rerightiknowyou'reright at 11:58 PM on May 22, 2021
This isn’t just a matter of focus or willingness and discipline: you need to create the internal and external space for creativity to occur. That might mean taking a step back from the cycle of ‘i should be writing, I’m not writing, but i should be writing, but I’m not’ for a few days or weeks to address the root of your writer’s block.
posted by you'rerightyou'rerightiknowyou'reright at 11:58 PM on May 22, 2021
I’d also consider tackling this indirectly. A Stanford study has shown that walking can boost creativity.
I’m definitely not a writer but I’ve personally noticed an increase in creativity and confidence when I consistently walk. Improved confidence can limit the stifling effect self doubt has on the generation of new ideas.
I think the creativity gains are not solely linked to walking itself but probably correlated with performing some type of exercise or cardio. Writer Haruki Murakami is a long distance runner and David Sedaris has been known to walk miles upon miles. If walking doesn’t work for your situation maybe some other form of exercise such as getting on an exercise bike or working out to a YouTube video would help.
The walks or exercise don’t have to be incredibly long. The Stanford study saw benefits for walks as short as 5-16 minutes.
posted by mundo at 6:56 AM on May 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
I’m definitely not a writer but I’ve personally noticed an increase in creativity and confidence when I consistently walk. Improved confidence can limit the stifling effect self doubt has on the generation of new ideas.
I think the creativity gains are not solely linked to walking itself but probably correlated with performing some type of exercise or cardio. Writer Haruki Murakami is a long distance runner and David Sedaris has been known to walk miles upon miles. If walking doesn’t work for your situation maybe some other form of exercise such as getting on an exercise bike or working out to a YouTube video would help.
The walks or exercise don’t have to be incredibly long. The Stanford study saw benefits for walks as short as 5-16 minutes.
posted by mundo at 6:56 AM on May 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
Jami Attenberg solved this problem for me last year with her 1000wordsofsummer program. It's about to start again now. It's two weeks, and it's free or you can donate $50 and get access to some extra stuff.
Since 1000wordsofsummer ended last year, I've wound up spending money to join a more intensive program. But I haven't faltered for more than a few days in keeping up the routine. One thing that's clear to me right now is that my life is better, on a day to day basis, with the writing practice than without it. It was rather tough to establish the practice but I found a schedule that was do-able. (For me, writing by hand at night and typing the next morning, but I don't think there is anything magical or universal about that.)
posted by BibiRose at 7:16 AM on May 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
Since 1000wordsofsummer ended last year, I've wound up spending money to join a more intensive program. But I haven't faltered for more than a few days in keeping up the routine. One thing that's clear to me right now is that my life is better, on a day to day basis, with the writing practice than without it. It was rather tough to establish the practice but I found a schedule that was do-able. (For me, writing by hand at night and typing the next morning, but I don't think there is anything magical or universal about that.)
posted by BibiRose at 7:16 AM on May 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: There are lots of good ideas here, many of them not new to me. I think my problem resides one level below the level addressed by many of these comments, which is why I focused the question more on following through on commitments to myself rather than writing tips. I can decide to do x or y, but it's the follow through where I'm stumbling.
posted by gigondas at 8:12 AM on May 23, 2021
posted by gigondas at 8:12 AM on May 23, 2021
I recently joined an online writing group on Meetup. It meets three times a week most weeks, once to discuss our projects and how they’re going, and twice a week to write for a couple of hours—25 minutes writing, 5 minutes off, 25 more writing. This has been really helpful for me as far as getting in a rhythm and sticking with it. I found the group just by poking around on Meetup.com.
posted by Orlop at 10:24 AM on May 23, 2021
posted by Orlop at 10:24 AM on May 23, 2021
I've found the streaks app on my iPhone to be helpful in encouraging me to work on my dissertation and study a language (though not so much on the exercise). I like that you can set it to be for a certain day/s or x times per week. I have the widget up on my homescreen to remind me, and help me feel that slight twinge of guilt if I were going to break a streak. I have mine set up such that I just need to do one thing, anything, to qualify to check these items off because getting started is usually my hurdle.
In terms of creative writing though, to be honest for me, I don't find it all that helpful to force myself to sit down and write just for the sake of it. When I do that, the writing isn't very good, and the edits that I'll have to do make it more of a waste of time versus giving myself time to think and then sitting down with a much clearer idea of what I am going to write a little more infrequently. It helps that my project has a co-writer with whom I can talk about the story and get myself excited to write. It also helps to have other things to procrastinate - I'm never so good at making progress as when I have school work that I don't feel like doing.
So, in short, if forcing yourself to write in specific intervals isn't working, maybe it's because that specific model doesn't work for everyone. Maybe there's another form of motivation, whether it's a carrot or a stick, that will be more effective for you, such as writing a related short story to share for a short-term pick me up/momentum, creating some kind of inspirational moodboard for your story that gets you excited, or giving yourself something more unpleasant to procrastinate.
posted by past unusual at 10:51 AM on May 23, 2021
In terms of creative writing though, to be honest for me, I don't find it all that helpful to force myself to sit down and write just for the sake of it. When I do that, the writing isn't very good, and the edits that I'll have to do make it more of a waste of time versus giving myself time to think and then sitting down with a much clearer idea of what I am going to write a little more infrequently. It helps that my project has a co-writer with whom I can talk about the story and get myself excited to write. It also helps to have other things to procrastinate - I'm never so good at making progress as when I have school work that I don't feel like doing.
So, in short, if forcing yourself to write in specific intervals isn't working, maybe it's because that specific model doesn't work for everyone. Maybe there's another form of motivation, whether it's a carrot or a stick, that will be more effective for you, such as writing a related short story to share for a short-term pick me up/momentum, creating some kind of inspirational moodboard for your story that gets you excited, or giving yourself something more unpleasant to procrastinate.
posted by past unusual at 10:51 AM on May 23, 2021
More often than not, when we're not showing up for ourselves or our commitments (and other forms of procrastination), it comes from one (or more) of four places:
Feeling…
posted by iamkimiam at 11:44 AM on May 23, 2021 [5 favorites]
Feeling…
- insecurity and perfectionism - this sounds like, 'it's not good enough' or 'this story isn't interesting enough'. The real problem here is fear…fear of putting your work out there, and how it's going to be perceived.
- confusion - this is like 'I don't know what to say' or 'I don't know where to start'. The real problem here is that you're not feeling connected to your audience and understanding what they want to hear.
- unmotivated - This shows up as 'I don't think this will change things', or 'it won't make a difference'. It can feel like there's no end in sight and it can be hard to identify where the milestones and gaps are. But the real problem is you're not connecting your writing to your bigger goals, it's disconnected in some way.
- uninspired - this sounds like 'everything's already been said', or 'I don't have value to add'. The real problem is that you're not connecting to your specific voice or angle.
posted by iamkimiam at 11:44 AM on May 23, 2021 [5 favorites]
I think my problem resides one level below the level addressed by many of these comments, which is why I focused the question more on following through on commitments to myself rather than writing tips. I can decide to do x or y, but it's the follow through where I'm stumbling.
I had the same issue. I happened to be trying to solve the same challenge (regular writing) but I realised after a lot of trial and error that commitments to myself, of a certain sort, simply didn’t work.
I used to expend a lot of mental energy on trying to set and achieve very explicit goals. With writing, that was all about word counts, but after initially getting a big confidence boost from some big word days and finishing several novels, I realised that writing every day and trying to hit a word count as my primary goal made me really miserable. It made writing feel like a chore and, worst of all, it made it feel like homework, which I hated deeply at school.
I did a lot of reading about different ways to approach goals like this and what I have settled on is a combination of three things - First - a bounded commitment to effort, rather than results. Second - favouring consistency and prioritising the work. Third - Trying very, very hard to avoid all-or-nothing thinking.
What does that look like in practice?
Primarily, it means I have worked pretty hard to make writing a habit and an embedded part of my day, rather than something I ever really think about. After a lot of trial and error, I’ve worked out that writing before I do anything else with my day works for me. I was writing 7 days a week, then I cut down to six, now I write on weekdays. I get up, wash and dress, make tea and breakfast and go straight to writing, every weekday. I work for an hour (that’s the bounded effort above) and in that time, I have my phone on the other side of the room and I can do two things - writing work or stare at the wall. Spending the full hour was tough initially, I got very distracted a lot and felt bored, annoyed with myself, all the usual reactions to trying to do a hard thing. But over time it’s gotten easier and most days I don’t encounter the kind of internal hand-wringing I used to deal with all the time.
My definition of ‘writing work’ is fairly broad, including drafting, marking up manuscripts, plotting, outlining and, occasionally, finishing a book I’m really enjoying to fill the creative well. The main thing is showing up every day and putting in the full hour or as near as I can manage (that’s the prioritising the work, above).
But the main benefit of changing how I think about this stuff is moving away from the idea of a specific goal, like ‘write the novel’. It’s more about a practice. So now I don’t worry if I miss a day. It doesn’t make the rest of the week ‘a write off’, which is an issue I’ve also encountered with exercise routines, where missing one day can turn into three days, then five, then seven, then a couple of months. You can only experience each day one at a time. And habits are a lot easier to maintain than grand plans. It lowers the stakes on the whole thing and makes everything feel far less pressured (that’s avoiding all or nothing thinking).
The best part is that this kind of focus on time and consistent effort is, for me, far more productive than my previous mega-goal focused approach. I used to go through big, super-productive bouts of work and then crash out and quit for a bit. Rinse and repeat. Very stressful and hard work and made me feel bad all the time.
But the dual approach of focusing on time and along with consistency means that I steadily accumulate words and also have the ability to do stuff other than drafting. I get absorbed and focused on the work far more often and I’m able to plan everything better, because my output is somewhat predictable.
TL;DR - maybe think less about honouring commitments to yourself and setting goals and think more about developing sustainable, repeatable, low-stress working routines. Make it less of a battle for your artistic soul and more a rock-solid chunk of your daily life, as fundamental to how you move through your day as brushing your teeth or making dinner.
posted by Happy Dave at 12:27 PM on May 23, 2021 [5 favorites]
I had the same issue. I happened to be trying to solve the same challenge (regular writing) but I realised after a lot of trial and error that commitments to myself, of a certain sort, simply didn’t work.
I used to expend a lot of mental energy on trying to set and achieve very explicit goals. With writing, that was all about word counts, but after initially getting a big confidence boost from some big word days and finishing several novels, I realised that writing every day and trying to hit a word count as my primary goal made me really miserable. It made writing feel like a chore and, worst of all, it made it feel like homework, which I hated deeply at school.
I did a lot of reading about different ways to approach goals like this and what I have settled on is a combination of three things - First - a bounded commitment to effort, rather than results. Second - favouring consistency and prioritising the work. Third - Trying very, very hard to avoid all-or-nothing thinking.
What does that look like in practice?
Primarily, it means I have worked pretty hard to make writing a habit and an embedded part of my day, rather than something I ever really think about. After a lot of trial and error, I’ve worked out that writing before I do anything else with my day works for me. I was writing 7 days a week, then I cut down to six, now I write on weekdays. I get up, wash and dress, make tea and breakfast and go straight to writing, every weekday. I work for an hour (that’s the bounded effort above) and in that time, I have my phone on the other side of the room and I can do two things - writing work or stare at the wall. Spending the full hour was tough initially, I got very distracted a lot and felt bored, annoyed with myself, all the usual reactions to trying to do a hard thing. But over time it’s gotten easier and most days I don’t encounter the kind of internal hand-wringing I used to deal with all the time.
My definition of ‘writing work’ is fairly broad, including drafting, marking up manuscripts, plotting, outlining and, occasionally, finishing a book I’m really enjoying to fill the creative well. The main thing is showing up every day and putting in the full hour or as near as I can manage (that’s the prioritising the work, above).
But the main benefit of changing how I think about this stuff is moving away from the idea of a specific goal, like ‘write the novel’. It’s more about a practice. So now I don’t worry if I miss a day. It doesn’t make the rest of the week ‘a write off’, which is an issue I’ve also encountered with exercise routines, where missing one day can turn into three days, then five, then seven, then a couple of months. You can only experience each day one at a time. And habits are a lot easier to maintain than grand plans. It lowers the stakes on the whole thing and makes everything feel far less pressured (that’s avoiding all or nothing thinking).
The best part is that this kind of focus on time and consistent effort is, for me, far more productive than my previous mega-goal focused approach. I used to go through big, super-productive bouts of work and then crash out and quit for a bit. Rinse and repeat. Very stressful and hard work and made me feel bad all the time.
But the dual approach of focusing on time and along with consistency means that I steadily accumulate words and also have the ability to do stuff other than drafting. I get absorbed and focused on the work far more often and I’m able to plan everything better, because my output is somewhat predictable.
TL;DR - maybe think less about honouring commitments to yourself and setting goals and think more about developing sustainable, repeatable, low-stress working routines. Make it less of a battle for your artistic soul and more a rock-solid chunk of your daily life, as fundamental to how you move through your day as brushing your teeth or making dinner.
posted by Happy Dave at 12:27 PM on May 23, 2021 [5 favorites]
Response by poster: Reporting back that I did a session of Focusmate this morning and it went well. For others following this thread, Try it!
Thanks, estlin!
posted by gigondas at 7:24 AM on May 24, 2021 [2 favorites]
Thanks, estlin!
posted by gigondas at 7:24 AM on May 24, 2021 [2 favorites]
Yes!! I was monitoring this thread because I suspected it’d be precisely the thing to help. All the best with the novel writing :)
posted by estlin at 2:33 PM on May 24, 2021
posted by estlin at 2:33 PM on May 24, 2021
I'm not a writer, but I do have a bunch of things on my list to do every week. (I'm going back to school.) I find a bullet journal, very bare bones, to be most helpful. I have pages for specific classes (all the assignments and work to do over the quarter) as well as for any other projects I'm working on, or things that are important (for a year there was a page for visiting my parents and health things for my stepdad). I copy over to the current day only things that I think I can and should accomplish that day. Sometimes I'll start with a long list but usually it starts off with a bare minimum and I add things as it seems like I have time for them. I usually have a few things on the weekly accomplishment list too, to remember and choose from when I've got extra time, but not know which day yet they'll happen. I find it helpful to have not just schoolwork, but also occasional chores, appointments, phone calls, and other things I'd like to get done on my lists. It's surprisingly satisfying to check them off. (Though if it isn't satisfying enough, I've heard people use stickers as well to make it more fun.)
So I recommend lists and planners and actually checking things off if you've done them. Make sure your goals on the list are small and specific enough that you can actually do them. (If you like books to get a better sense of how to do things, I liked the book about how to use bullet journals, Malcolm Gladwell's Checklist Manifesto, and even some of the books on learning like Make It Stick talked about how to get yourself to do hard things.)
posted by blueberry monster at 10:27 AM on May 25, 2021
So I recommend lists and planners and actually checking things off if you've done them. Make sure your goals on the list are small and specific enough that you can actually do them. (If you like books to get a better sense of how to do things, I liked the book about how to use bullet journals, Malcolm Gladwell's Checklist Manifesto, and even some of the books on learning like Make It Stick talked about how to get yourself to do hard things.)
posted by blueberry monster at 10:27 AM on May 25, 2021
Response by poster: Just adding this post-follow-up-post to sing the praises of FocusMate! I love it. It may lose its magical properties over time, but I'm about two weeks in, and for now, it's totally solved my follow-through problem.
posted by gigondas at 10:07 AM on June 8, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by gigondas at 10:07 AM on June 8, 2021 [1 favorite]
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The other key for me is that if I don't have too much time or motivation on a given day, I don't beat myself up about it. Even if I only do the thing for 10 minutes I check it off. Most days once I start I do it for more time.
posted by geegollygosh at 7:45 PM on May 22, 2021 [1 favorite]