Is there a charity to support ugly people?
May 16, 2021 8:12 PM Subscribe
I have received some money from my evil grandma’s estate. In her life, one thing that stood out about her was just how much she detested people who she deemed unattractive. I would like some of her money to go towards a cause (or causes) that support people who are considered conventionally unattractive, particularly women (she was also a misogynist). Does this exist?
She never hesitated to inform me or my friends or anybody in my family that we were ugly, or too thin or too fat, or had bad hair, or were otherwise visually offputting. She had been a model in the late 30s and never managed to get away from her vain mindset and applied her obscure standards to everyone decades later. Shockingly, she was cool with queer people (and I suspect had a college girlfriend), so it was never gender non conformance that upset her. It was asymmetry, messiness, “disproportionate” weight, unhealthy skin, and dressing too casually for public (she was constantly having grievances about athletic wear being okay to wear for errands.)
What groups are fighting to encourage the acceptance of people who do not fit conventional visual molds, or building their self esteem? I’m in the US if that’s relevant.
She never hesitated to inform me or my friends or anybody in my family that we were ugly, or too thin or too fat, or had bad hair, or were otherwise visually offputting. She had been a model in the late 30s and never managed to get away from her vain mindset and applied her obscure standards to everyone decades later. Shockingly, she was cool with queer people (and I suspect had a college girlfriend), so it was never gender non conformance that upset her. It was asymmetry, messiness, “disproportionate” weight, unhealthy skin, and dressing too casually for public (she was constantly having grievances about athletic wear being okay to wear for errands.)
What groups are fighting to encourage the acceptance of people who do not fit conventional visual molds, or building their self esteem? I’m in the US if that’s relevant.
In the UK this would be the Changing Faces charity or Face Equality International, among others. Changing Faces really works on the self-esteem angle. Smile Train is a US charity that raises money for cleft palate surgery thought not as much on the esteem angle. I feel like, though this may be a stretch, that helping trans kids get both emotional and financial support so that they can live their truths might help you do what you want to do. Something like the Trans Youth Equality Foundation or some local to your evil grandma's location so you could donate in her name. Agree with Tamanna, there may just be people looking for money for surgery or other things where you could donate directly.
posted by jessamyn at 8:51 PM on May 16, 2021 [10 favorites]
posted by jessamyn at 8:51 PM on May 16, 2021 [10 favorites]
The Body Positive looks like a good organization to donate to:
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 8:54 PM on May 16, 2021 [4 favorites]
Since 1996, we have been helping people develop balanced, joyful self-care and a relationship with their bodies that is guided by love, forgiveness, and humor. Through The Body Positive Institute—our comprehensive online educational platform—you can access introductory courses about our model as well as intensive training to become a Be Body Positive Facilitator. Our research-supported educational resources are appropriate for students and staff in educational settings, treatment professionals, and the general public.”
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 8:54 PM on May 16, 2021 [4 favorites]
The Cambodia acid survivors group I knew a little has closed due to lower need thankfully. There's a London-based one ASTI that supports acid survivor groups worldwide. If you emailed them, I'd bet they would know of some small projects in other countries hoping for a grant that would make a comparatively huge impact. I would nth acid survivors - the social stigma is immense, and your grandmother would absolutely loathe her money going to help them reclaim their lives and advocate for social inclusion.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 9:00 PM on May 16, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 9:00 PM on May 16, 2021 [4 favorites]
FACES: The National Craniofacial Association is a non-profit based in Tennessee that promotes equality and acceptance for people with facial differences. They also provide material support for people with facial differences, including assistance with travel costs to access medical care and a summer camp for children. Your mean grandmother's money could maybe sponsor some campers this summer.
I also would like to gently suggest that you reframe this for yourself to be more about solidarity with the people you want to support. Getting terrible messages like this as kids can affect us more deeply than we realize, and it's easy to inadvertently hurt people we actually hoped to support and uplift. I absolutely knew what you were getting at in your question and I recognized that you wanted to reject those values, but the phrase "ugly people" made me recoil. You also don't want to use people to one-up a dead woman. "My grandmother made me feel awful about my appearance, and I don't want anyone to ever feel the way I did" is the same spirit but doesn't judge anyone's appearance. Doing some thinking and reframing for yourself before contacting any organizations might also have the benefit of uncovering and diffusing any toxic grandma land mines you don't know are there.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 9:05 PM on May 16, 2021 [40 favorites]
I also would like to gently suggest that you reframe this for yourself to be more about solidarity with the people you want to support. Getting terrible messages like this as kids can affect us more deeply than we realize, and it's easy to inadvertently hurt people we actually hoped to support and uplift. I absolutely knew what you were getting at in your question and I recognized that you wanted to reject those values, but the phrase "ugly people" made me recoil. You also don't want to use people to one-up a dead woman. "My grandmother made me feel awful about my appearance, and I don't want anyone to ever feel the way I did" is the same spirit but doesn't judge anyone's appearance. Doing some thinking and reframing for yourself before contacting any organizations might also have the benefit of uncovering and diffusing any toxic grandma land mines you don't know are there.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 9:05 PM on May 16, 2021 [40 favorites]
The David Nott Foundation trains doctors to work in war-zones repairing wrecked bodies. Nott's autobiography War Doctor gives the back-story.
posted by BobTheScientist at 1:14 AM on May 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by BobTheScientist at 1:14 AM on May 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
About Face . They describe themselves as "About-Face arms girls with the knowledge and tools they need to fight back against a culture that diminishes and disempowers them." They focus on educational tools to combat toxic media messaging.
I think it would be a good choice as your mother was definately a part of something culturally that disempowered other people who did not meet her expectations. I would be careful with the ugly wording as well, because that's not really what is happening. It might be the word she used, but it's a toxic form of perfectionism and gatekeeping that is just bullshit.
posted by AlexiaSky at 3:00 AM on May 17, 2021 [6 favorites]
I think it would be a good choice as your mother was definately a part of something culturally that disempowered other people who did not meet her expectations. I would be careful with the ugly wording as well, because that's not really what is happening. It might be the word she used, but it's a toxic form of perfectionism and gatekeeping that is just bullshit.
posted by AlexiaSky at 3:00 AM on May 17, 2021 [6 favorites]
Give the money to your local Abuse Network, trust me, they could use it!
What Grandmother was doing is abuse. What you want to do with the money is just so wonderful!!!
posted by james33 at 4:15 AM on May 17, 2021 [4 favorites]
What Grandmother was doing is abuse. What you want to do with the money is just so wonderful!!!
posted by james33 at 4:15 AM on May 17, 2021 [4 favorites]
Charities that do plastic surgeries on people with facial malformations.
The Fistula Foundation
posted by theora55 at 7:08 AM on May 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
The Fistula Foundation
posted by theora55 at 7:08 AM on May 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
Reclaim Ugly ("Reclaim UGLY creates joyous healing and educational spaces and resources for people who have been most impacted by uglification, isolation, bullying, and other forms of social harm to congregate with love and explore what a liberated and loving community can feel like") might fit.
posted by needs more cowbell at 8:19 AM on May 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by needs more cowbell at 8:19 AM on May 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: There are some truly amazing ideas and links in all these answers! I’m going to spend some time researching many of them and also talk to my other cousins to see if they like the idea as well. If you have any other links please don’t hesitate to share them, I’ll have this in my activity and will see it easily. Thanks!
posted by Mizu at 11:35 AM on May 18, 2021
posted by Mizu at 11:35 AM on May 18, 2021
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Tamanna at 8:25 PM on May 16, 2021 [15 favorites]