A Rising Problem

March 29, 2006 5:28 AM

Why do I get so easily aroused?

I've read that it's completely normal because I'm young enough to still have strong hormonal reactions to touch, etc. but it's quite inconvenient "suffering" from an erection when I just hug or get close with my girlfriend, when all I want to do is just hug or cuddle with my girlfriend.

any thoughts?

posted by nona to Human Relations (30 answers total)

How old are you?
posted by ludwig_van at 5:39 AM on March 29, 2006

It happens, man. Not much you can do about it. Some day you'll miss it.

You could try things like thinking of something gross and unerotic, but then you're ruining what should be a nice experience. Just go with it.
posted by DieHipsterDie at 5:45 AM on March 29, 2006

I guess I'm confused about what you're looking for here. More reassurance that men of a certain age do indeed "have a strong hormonal reactions to touch, etc."? Strategies to NOT get boners while hugging your girlfriend? "Inconvenient" is getting aroused at a work meeting, when you hug your girlfriend's mom, etc. Getting a boner while hugging or cuddling with your girlfriend is not a big deal. Unless she's afraid of boners, she either takes it as a compliment or as a normal biological response for many men under the age of 30.
posted by availablelight at 5:45 AM on March 29, 2006

Yeah, just tell her that it happens easily. She'll then probably find it cute/funny when it happens.
posted by bloo at 5:48 AM on March 29, 2006

What availabelight said
posted by DieHipsterDie at 5:48 AM on March 29, 2006

The say brontosauruses had a brain at each end; we do too :)

She won't mind, and you'll get used to it.
posted by flabdablet at 5:48 AM on March 29, 2006

I'd like to add something to my answer:

I have the same problem and one time I randomly talked to my (then-)girlfriend about arousal or boners or something and just told her that it happens very easily for me.

I then sometimes asked her "earlier, when we cuddled, did you notice..." and she would just smile and say "yeah".

Sometimes she even kinda took it as a compliment and said something like "whoa, that seems to turn you on, heh?".
posted by bloo at 6:04 AM on March 29, 2006

Response by poster: I'm 24.
posted by nona at 6:13 AM on March 29, 2006

This is a problem because why?

You get a boner. So? Unless she's some puritanical type of girl, this isn't a ocncern. Adjust enough to make yourself ocmfortable, and move on with the snugglings.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 6:15 AM on March 29, 2006

If you're anything like me, you'll notice that this becomes less of a problem over the next few years. There's not much else to add here, really.
posted by teleskiving at 6:18 AM on March 29, 2006

Agreement with everyone here. Yes, it's normal, yes it will go away in time. Just tell your girlfriend that this happens because you get boners easily, not necessarily because you're a sex fiend that always wants to get it on, and you'll be fine.
posted by antifuse at 6:23 AM on March 29, 2006

You'll miss it when you get older. Enjoy it now. Explain that an erection for men doesn't necessarily mean we want sex.

Except when we do.
posted by TeamBilly at 6:26 AM on March 29, 2006

CORDELIA: Well, does looking at guns make you wanna have sex?

XANDER: I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex.

Extrapolate accordingly.
posted by mkultra at 6:56 AM on March 29, 2006 [1 favorite]

I think... although I'm not sure... that it means you like her.

If you're being given a hard time about it (sorry about the pun) she's either (a) not serious, or (b) very inexperienced, or (c) very shy, or (d) very prudish.

We are human! You might notice that your pupils dilate and your cheeks flush slightly and your breathing becomes a bit shallower. You might feel the urge to touch your girlfriend and admire her particular curves and lines. You may smile and want to kiss her. It's all cool. Relax. Enjoy it. Kiss her on the cheekbone and put your arms around her. Maybe tear her clothes off later, if you want, or not. Whatever.

First and foremost, enjoy the moment. Your body is nothing to be ashamed of.
posted by blacklite at 7:04 AM on March 29, 2006

Try having sex with her before cuddling. You've just got to wear yourself out.
posted by delmoi at 7:04 AM on March 29, 2006

Just out of curiosity, what's the problem?

Is it that your girlfriend dosn't like it, or that it becomes physically uncomfortable after a while?
posted by delmoi at 7:07 AM on March 29, 2006

Response by poster: hahaha. some of your responses are amusing. stop yelling at me!

i know it's natural and i didn't mean to sound like i'm upset with myself, because it's stupid to be. but you know, being hard can just be physically uncomfortable and you have to accommodate for it.

i appreciate all your comments.
posted by nona at 7:22 AM on March 29, 2006

As a woman, if a guy got a boner by hugging me and said "er, I get boners easy" I would be so insulted. So you get boners by hugging me but also by hugging a tree? jerk.

No! use this to your advantage. one of my first boyfriends used to hug me from behind in the most loving way and he would say "look what you do to me!" very softly. still to this day it is one of my fondest memories and the best compliment I ever received.

gawd you guys need lessons.
posted by 9000.68 at 7:44 AM on March 29, 2006 [1 favorite]

I'm going to second and third what everyone else said. This also happens after you've had a lot of sex and your body gets used to the physical sensations, if my experience is any indication.

The weird thing is when it stops happening just all the time and only happens in special situations... i.e. when you have a serious adrenaline rush combined with a physically arousing situation.
posted by SpecialK at 7:47 AM on March 29, 2006

BTW, as far as the "I get boners easily" thing ... DON'T SAY IT! Follow 9000.68's advice. Seriously. No need to be apologetic. One of my favorite sci-fi authors calls a boner "The gallant reflex"... and he's right. Go at things with that mentality.
posted by SpecialK at 7:48 AM on March 29, 2006

As a woman, if a guy got a boner by hugging me and said "er, I get boners easy" I would be so insulted.

You got me wrong. Of course he isn't supposed to say "oh, that has nothing to do with you, it just happens all the time" after he got it.

Instead, just mention it some time when you're not hugging so she is "prepared" and doesn't think "what a pervert, we just hug and he already wants sex".
posted by bloo at 8:19 AM on March 29, 2006

And one more thing... (yeah, I have too much spare time)

I don't have a problem with getting a boner when hugging my girlfriend.

But sometimes it happens with friends I am not attracted to in a way that I want to have sex with them.

This happened to me last weekend, a very close female friend kind of just got her heart broken, turned to me, hugged me really tight and cried on my shoulder. What happens? Boner. I don't know why. But it's probably not the reaction she likes in a situation like that.
posted by bloo at 9:09 AM on March 29, 2006

it's probably not the reaction she likes in a situation like that.
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
If you had followed up on it, surely.
But paraphrasing 9000.68, it's first and foremost an appreciation, which can be nice for somebody who is heartbroken.
posted by bru at 9:34 AM on March 29, 2006

one of my first boyfriends used to hug me from behind in the most loving way and he would say "look what you do to me!" very softly. still to this day it is one of my fondest memories and the best compliment I ever received

Since teens get boners just by looking at women in the Sears catalog , perhaps you shouldn't have taken it personally. He was just feeding you a line that he knew you'd buy. Any warm female his age would have caused the same reaction.
posted by DieHipsterDie at 9:45 AM on March 29, 2006

This happened to me last weekend, a very close female friend kind of just got her heart broken, turned to me, hugged me really tight and cried on my shoulder. What happens? Boner. I don't know why.

Haha, I don't mean to be obnoxious, but the way you describe it is hilarious. It sounds sort of Holden Caulfield, too. Just add a few "goddamns" or something.

Anyway, to the original poster, I agree that you should think of it this way: isn't it better to get boners sometimes when you don't want them than to not be able to get one when you need it? Eh? Think about that.
posted by ludwig_van at 11:23 AM on March 29, 2006

Think sports! Think football, baseball, WFC wresteling.

Those thoughts should make the boner go away.
posted by SwingingJohnson1968 at 11:25 AM on March 29, 2006

Yeah, the protagonist of Chuck Palahniuk's Choke (good read, by the way) would think about roadkill and bloated corpses to keep from finishing early in sex. So there's that approach, too.
posted by ludwig_van at 11:26 AM on March 29, 2006

Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!
Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!
posted by gfroese at 11:47 AM on March 29, 2006 [1 favorite]

Briefs! They make erections more uncomfortable (but you get used to it) but also, I think, less noticeable. Any boner-watchers out there with any thoughts on briefs?
posted by drewbeck at 1:23 PM on March 29, 2006

I'm 42. It's still a 'problem.'
posted by JamesMessick at 2:44 PM on March 29, 2006