Tying the tubes
February 4, 2021 2:32 PM Subscribe
To get my tubes tied now with my scheduled C-section, or to put off the decision for a year or two and then get a separate surgery?
This is my brain dump regarding whether I should have a tubal ligation. I have 9 days until my C-section. Please help me by giving your input, noting any personal experience that informs your input. Thank you so much for hopefully helping grease the wheels of my decision making process.
Why I Don’t Want a Third Child/Want a Tubal Ligation
1. Interruption in Career/Lifestyle- I don’t want to restart the clock on stepping back from my career and other dreams and goals. I want to move on to a phase where my children are in school and give me a few hours a day to dedicate to other goals without neglecting their needs
2. Physical difficulties faced during pregnancy – extreme fatigue and physical weakness making it difficult to adequately care for other children, necessitating dependence on others
3. Limits resources that are available to other two children, and to myself and my husband. I don’t want an overly difficult life. I want us to all be well taken care of, this is a high priority for me
4. I don’t want to live with an “excess” – more children for the sake of more, when two is “enough.” A third would make life logistically more difficult as well (necessitating a move, for instance, to another home)
5. I don’t want to worry about getting pregnant. I really want to enjoy sex to the extent possible over the next several years, with as little anxiety and inhibition as possible. This is really important to me. As is “regaining my body and life” generally. I’ve been “cocooning for children” for long enough.
Situations in Which Maybe I Would Want a Third Child
1. Because “overflowing love.” I almost want to proactively avoid this even being an option, so that I don’t spontaneously make such a life-changing decision.
2. If I were in a new relationship with someone who wanted a child, or if I wanted a child to cement that relationship. Also, possibly if something were to happen to one of my children. Not sure that I would want another child in these situations, and I’m inclined to think that I wouldn’t - I just recognize that it’s impossible to predict how I would feel in these cases.
Other Solutions/Ways of Thinking Related to Not Getting Tubal Ligation
1. Other people seem more comfortable with higher levels of unwanted pregnancy risk – maybe my desire to take an extreme measure is simply symptomatic of a desire to control life instead of letting go a little
2. I can try a copper IUD first – although the major side effect is heavier, more painful periods and my periods are already hell. Not interested in hormonal birth control.
3. I can still get tubal ligation after a year or two, as a more conservative and cautious decision. Even if it’s easiest now, it’s not that big of a deal later. It leaves a window of pregnancy risk open, but that can be addressed in other ways (IUD, condoms, more careful sex for a year or two…)
4. Abortion is possible with an unwanted pregnancy, even if in theory I am against the idea, lots of people get them and it can be done medicinally. So there is an emergency last resort option even if I do have an unwanted pregnancy. However, I am inclined to believe that I would “regretfully” have the baby in this situation.
Other Solutions/Ways of Thinking Related to Getting Tubal Ligation
1. There are other ways to build a family – getting a dog, a cat, another pet. Adoption, foster care, extending circle of loved ones in other ways.
2. It’s ok to regret not being able to have another child. Especially because I may also regret having another child. It’s okay to choose which regret I prefer. It’s okay to experience regret, and any decision I make could be regretted. There is no absolutely right answer.
3. I can always get IVF if I really regret it. The hassle involved insures that I would only undergo this if I really really wanted another child. While it’s not a guarantee, neither is anything else. This process could also improve my chances of having a girl as the next child, which would be my preference. Note: In theory, I wasn’t sure I would pursue IVF even if it meant having NO children when I was struggling with fertility before.
This is my brain dump regarding whether I should have a tubal ligation. I have 9 days until my C-section. Please help me by giving your input, noting any personal experience that informs your input. Thank you so much for hopefully helping grease the wheels of my decision making process.
Why I Don’t Want a Third Child/Want a Tubal Ligation
1. Interruption in Career/Lifestyle- I don’t want to restart the clock on stepping back from my career and other dreams and goals. I want to move on to a phase where my children are in school and give me a few hours a day to dedicate to other goals without neglecting their needs
2. Physical difficulties faced during pregnancy – extreme fatigue and physical weakness making it difficult to adequately care for other children, necessitating dependence on others
3. Limits resources that are available to other two children, and to myself and my husband. I don’t want an overly difficult life. I want us to all be well taken care of, this is a high priority for me
4. I don’t want to live with an “excess” – more children for the sake of more, when two is “enough.” A third would make life logistically more difficult as well (necessitating a move, for instance, to another home)
5. I don’t want to worry about getting pregnant. I really want to enjoy sex to the extent possible over the next several years, with as little anxiety and inhibition as possible. This is really important to me. As is “regaining my body and life” generally. I’ve been “cocooning for children” for long enough.
Situations in Which Maybe I Would Want a Third Child
1. Because “overflowing love.” I almost want to proactively avoid this even being an option, so that I don’t spontaneously make such a life-changing decision.
2. If I were in a new relationship with someone who wanted a child, or if I wanted a child to cement that relationship. Also, possibly if something were to happen to one of my children. Not sure that I would want another child in these situations, and I’m inclined to think that I wouldn’t - I just recognize that it’s impossible to predict how I would feel in these cases.
Other Solutions/Ways of Thinking Related to Not Getting Tubal Ligation
1. Other people seem more comfortable with higher levels of unwanted pregnancy risk – maybe my desire to take an extreme measure is simply symptomatic of a desire to control life instead of letting go a little
2. I can try a copper IUD first – although the major side effect is heavier, more painful periods and my periods are already hell. Not interested in hormonal birth control.
3. I can still get tubal ligation after a year or two, as a more conservative and cautious decision. Even if it’s easiest now, it’s not that big of a deal later. It leaves a window of pregnancy risk open, but that can be addressed in other ways (IUD, condoms, more careful sex for a year or two…)
4. Abortion is possible with an unwanted pregnancy, even if in theory I am against the idea, lots of people get them and it can be done medicinally. So there is an emergency last resort option even if I do have an unwanted pregnancy. However, I am inclined to believe that I would “regretfully” have the baby in this situation.
Other Solutions/Ways of Thinking Related to Getting Tubal Ligation
1. There are other ways to build a family – getting a dog, a cat, another pet. Adoption, foster care, extending circle of loved ones in other ways.
2. It’s ok to regret not being able to have another child. Especially because I may also regret having another child. It’s okay to choose which regret I prefer. It’s okay to experience regret, and any decision I make could be regretted. There is no absolutely right answer.
3. I can always get IVF if I really regret it. The hassle involved insures that I would only undergo this if I really really wanted another child. While it’s not a guarantee, neither is anything else. This process could also improve my chances of having a girl as the next child, which would be my preference. Note: In theory, I wasn’t sure I would pursue IVF even if it meant having NO children when I was struggling with fertility before.
A vasectomy is both safer and easier than tubal ligation and is also far more reversible should you change your mind about family size (often reported in the 90%s within 10 years). I'm also curious why this isn't an option among those you listed. Though serious side effects of tubal ligation are rare, I'd be concerned about the possibility of both ectopic pregnancy (potentially deadly) or post-tubal ligation syndrome (PTLS).
posted by quince at 3:10 PM on February 4, 2021 [7 favorites]
posted by quince at 3:10 PM on February 4, 2021 [7 favorites]
"I really want to enjoy sex to the extent possible over the next several years, with as little anxiety and inhibition as possible."
Caution to consider the fact that if you have a new baby and another child, you probably will not enjoy much anxiety- and inhibition-free sex over the next few years. Don't set yourself up for disappointment on that one ...
posted by mccxxiii at 3:15 PM on February 4, 2021 [3 favorites]
Caution to consider the fact that if you have a new baby and another child, you probably will not enjoy much anxiety- and inhibition-free sex over the next few years. Don't set yourself up for disappointment on that one ...
posted by mccxxiii at 3:15 PM on February 4, 2021 [3 favorites]
My (ex) wife and I had three kids in 30 months. She was wheeled from the delivery room to the operating room after the 3rd child was born. She made the decision. I know she was/is very happy with the decision to do it and to do it right away. After three years of being pregnant and/or breast feeding, she wanted her body back.
When I jokingly asked about a 4th kid, (semi joking actually), she said I could have a 4th kid with anyone I wanted, just not with her. When I suggested I get a vasectomy, she said, "No, that would make you a free agent". I am not the type to fool around, but I got her point.
She was clear she did not want to have another child. She never looked back. I do know that she had a lot of the same concerns you listed. There were times she said, "Maybe we should have had a fourth", but that was not to be confused with regret about the decision.
posted by AugustWest at 3:16 PM on February 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
When I jokingly asked about a 4th kid, (semi joking actually), she said I could have a 4th kid with anyone I wanted, just not with her. When I suggested I get a vasectomy, she said, "No, that would make you a free agent". I am not the type to fool around, but I got her point.
She was clear she did not want to have another child. She never looked back. I do know that she had a lot of the same concerns you listed. There were times she said, "Maybe we should have had a fourth", but that was not to be confused with regret about the decision.
posted by AugustWest at 3:16 PM on February 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
Mother of three here. I had a tubal ligation - timed separately from 3rd kid's birth. Pros - loved not worrying about pregnancy. Cons - did have ectopic pregnancies (two!) - clearly caused by scarring whether from c-section or tubal I don't know. From the perspective of many years later I would probably have had my husband get a vasectomy but either way surgical birth control is so much more convenient than anything else. However - the ectopic pregnancies were life threatening - both ruptured and were serious surgical emergencies - so it is worth thinking hard about - especially if you're a person who grows scar tissue in a big way which you may not know at this point.
posted by leslies at 3:46 PM on February 4, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by leslies at 3:46 PM on February 4, 2021 [3 favorites]
I think you've thought it through very thoroughly. I'd say, have the procedure now. 2 kids is nice, kids are spendy, there is no shortage of humans.
In any case, congratulations and good luck.
posted by theora55 at 3:48 PM on February 4, 2021
In any case, congratulations and good luck.
posted by theora55 at 3:48 PM on February 4, 2021
Minor surgery is still surgery, and a tubal ligation is not really "minor" surgery. From the point of view of good health outcomes, you should have it done same day as your C-section, to reduce the number of surgeries you have. While you're already up on the jack stands, as it were.
posted by seanmpuckett at 3:49 PM on February 4, 2021 [8 favorites]
posted by seanmpuckett at 3:49 PM on February 4, 2021 [8 favorites]
Can’t speak to the tubal, but as an anecdote I am a person who’s had heavy, long, and uncomfortable periods since I was 11. I am on my second copper IUD and I absolutely love it. I will have a third one inserted and probably hit menopause with that one. FWIW, it has not changed my periods at all; I have no experience with a light/quick period, so I don’t have that perspective. It has made my relationships worry-free from an accidental pregnancy standpoint and I honestly wish I had the first one when I embarked upon physical relationships as an older teenager. The peace of mind and lack of hormonal influence makes them an excellent choice if it’s well-tolerated by the patient.
posted by sara is disenchanted at 3:57 PM on February 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by sara is disenchanted at 3:57 PM on February 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
I see your choices as: "get a tubal while you are there and things are open, etc." or "partner gets a vasectomy." For all the reasons listed above, a vasectomy has all the benefits of a tubal with none of the drawbacks. Okay, I'm being kind of silly there since obviously you're not the one getting the vasectomy but they are very safe, reversible if you want to go there and are 99.9% effective. I didn't go looking deeply into the stats on ectopic pregnancies after tubal but those seem somewhat unlikely and at least one website suggests that the liklihood of this event goes down the older you are. One thing noted in there is the odds of going in later for a tubal and finding a pregnancy in progress! Bah! But you can and should discuss all these issues with your doctor. It's normal to have questions and concerns.
On the likelihood of regret later, we do regret all kinds of things that are not in our control. I regret that I never became an astronaut... I regret not taking that scuba trip to Baja when I was in college and thought that I had so many other responsibilities.... I also regret not having more children. But I regret that in that I made the choice to stop at one and while I occasionally wistfully wonder, the hormonal clanging has quieted immensely as my child has grown and I'm okay with having the occasional pang of regret for the totally unknown pathway.
If you feel you are happy now with your choices and not interested in being pregnant again that is valid regardless of whether someone else would make other choices or if you are unsure of your choice at some indeterminate time in the future. If you really want to hedge, freeze his sperm and get that vasectomy. That's another thing that's so much easier for him - sperm freezing! You could also use donor sperm or adopt or foster children in the future.
posted by amanda at 4:12 PM on February 4, 2021 [2 favorites]
On the likelihood of regret later, we do regret all kinds of things that are not in our control. I regret that I never became an astronaut... I regret not taking that scuba trip to Baja when I was in college and thought that I had so many other responsibilities.... I also regret not having more children. But I regret that in that I made the choice to stop at one and while I occasionally wistfully wonder, the hormonal clanging has quieted immensely as my child has grown and I'm okay with having the occasional pang of regret for the totally unknown pathway.
If you feel you are happy now with your choices and not interested in being pregnant again that is valid regardless of whether someone else would make other choices or if you are unsure of your choice at some indeterminate time in the future. If you really want to hedge, freeze his sperm and get that vasectomy. That's another thing that's so much easier for him - sperm freezing! You could also use donor sperm or adopt or foster children in the future.
posted by amanda at 4:12 PM on February 4, 2021 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: If you do get the surgery please look into getting a double salpingectomy over the tubal. This is the total removal of your fallopian tubes and is becoming preferred to tubals for women who are sure they would not want to pursue reversal (though if you think you might want reversal you shouldn't be getting a tubal anyway). Even lower risk of pregnancy than a tubal, a lower risk of ectopic pregnancies, and it lowers your risk of ovarian cancer (a good percentage of ovarian cancers start in the fallopian tubes).
Recovering from a tubal/salpingectomy, even a laparoscopic one, is kind of a pain in the ass. I imagine it would be even more of a pain in the ass if you're taking care of kids. The restrictions on lifting alone would put me off delaying in your position--for 6-8 weeks you're not supposed to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk. You'd be dealing with a 1-2 year old. I don't know how you don't lift them for that long.
If you think this is something that you'd do in a year or two anyway then I would just do it now.
Oh, also, I got a double salpingectomy. I've used a variety of hormonal contraception options, a hormonal IUD, a copper IUD, and condoms. None of them ever brought me the peace of mind of the surgery. It is incredibly freeing and it's very nice to have no birth control side-effects. ALSO while my doctor was in there she found some endometriosis and ablated it, so my periods are lighter than they used to be!
posted by Anonymous at 4:20 PM on February 4, 2021
Recovering from a tubal/salpingectomy, even a laparoscopic one, is kind of a pain in the ass. I imagine it would be even more of a pain in the ass if you're taking care of kids. The restrictions on lifting alone would put me off delaying in your position--for 6-8 weeks you're not supposed to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk. You'd be dealing with a 1-2 year old. I don't know how you don't lift them for that long.
If you think this is something that you'd do in a year or two anyway then I would just do it now.
Oh, also, I got a double salpingectomy. I've used a variety of hormonal contraception options, a hormonal IUD, a copper IUD, and condoms. None of them ever brought me the peace of mind of the surgery. It is incredibly freeing and it's very nice to have no birth control side-effects. ALSO while my doctor was in there she found some endometriosis and ablated it, so my periods are lighter than they used to be!
posted by Anonymous at 4:20 PM on February 4, 2021
On the topic of 'minor surgery'. My surgeon laughed and told me there's absolutely no such thing as 'minor surgery', that's just what non-surgeons call many surgeries that happen other people.
I also had my surgeon perform a surgery on me without asking, because he was already in there and it was medically the right call. I am glad he did, but my point is to talk to your surgeon about the potential value of 'while you're in there'. It may be large or small, I recommend you get your surgeon to tell you about your case.
posted by SaltySalticid at 4:21 PM on February 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
I also had my surgeon perform a surgery on me without asking, because he was already in there and it was medically the right call. I am glad he did, but my point is to talk to your surgeon about the potential value of 'while you're in there'. It may be large or small, I recommend you get your surgeon to tell you about your case.
posted by SaltySalticid at 4:21 PM on February 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
I was surprised by how much of a feeling of relief and relaxation I got after my partner had a vasectomy. The feeling of never having to worry about birth control again was pretty amazing, I didn't realize what a strong undercurrent of anxiety it had been in my life. So I'd recommend dealing with it sooner rather than later. (Also, after the procedure, my partner said that he felt a bit silly about how worried he had been, since it turned out to be so quick and easy. Just a bit of info for your husband if he's nervous about it.)
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 4:34 PM on February 4, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 4:34 PM on February 4, 2021 [3 favorites]
Everyone is different, but I found it too emotionally stressful to get a tubal litigation right around the birth of my child. I had to cancel. I don't know why - maybe it was just the terror around whether my baby was okay, which she was, and maybe it was all mixed up with the feeling of fertility being a choice. I don't know. I do know I had to cancel my scheduled procedure. If I were to go back, I'd do it a year later.
posted by Peach at 4:39 PM on February 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Peach at 4:39 PM on February 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
I was surprised by how much of a feeling of relief and relaxation I got after my partner had a vasectomy.
Seconding this! Plus, you get to 100% shut down any nosy folks who want to know if you're having a second baby, if you've thought about it, pros and cons, yada, yada, yada.... Never, ever having to have that conversation again was a huge improvement to the tenor of everyday small talk amongst parents of small children.
posted by amanda at 5:08 PM on February 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
Seconding this! Plus, you get to 100% shut down any nosy folks who want to know if you're having a second baby, if you've thought about it, pros and cons, yada, yada, yada.... Never, ever having to have that conversation again was a huge improvement to the tenor of everyday small talk amongst parents of small children.
posted by amanda at 5:08 PM on February 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
My outpatient laparoscopic tubal twenty-mumble years ago was unproblematic. A couple days of medium-serious hurting and an uncomfortable week and I was fine. Maybe no surgeries are minor, but hell's bells, it was an awful lot easier than the one kidney stone I got (many years later, unrelated), which was excruciating.
I can't imagine that adding a tubal to a C-section would mean appreciably more pain. Willing to be wrong, obviously, as I've never had a C-section.
posted by humbug at 5:35 PM on February 4, 2021
I can't imagine that adding a tubal to a C-section would mean appreciably more pain. Willing to be wrong, obviously, as I've never had a C-section.
posted by humbug at 5:35 PM on February 4, 2021
The fact that there are two line items in the section entitled Situations in Which Maybe I Would Want a Third Child--really, the fact that a section entitled Situations in Which Maybe I Would Want a Third Child exists at all--means that permanent birth control is not the right choice for you at this time.
posted by jesourie at 5:58 PM on February 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by jesourie at 5:58 PM on February 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
I have never wanted children. So while I am coming at this from that perspective, it also of course meant a lot of thought about solving the issue at hand.
Tubal/tube removal: (Which, agreed, look into bilateral salpingectomy. It is now the recommended option AFAIK due to effectiveness and cancer prevention.) When I first realized I didn't want kids, I wanted to get my tubes tied. At the time I wasn't partnered and wanted to be in control of my own body. I quickly realized no one would do that at my age. Frustrating. But I still liked the idea of having it under my control regardless of a partner.
In the long run, besides being "too young" it was expensive and it was surgery. So I had no idea when it would be possible. That isn't an issue in this situation. But at the same time it runs more risks than some other options. But it's something YOU get to decide which is nice.
It was indefinitely on hold for me. But then I was fairly quickly partnered and we got to talk about ...
Vasectomy: Ultimately, I always ALWAYS recommend people to look into vasectomy. I didn't want to pressure my spouse into it, so we talked about it calmly and came to the decision that it was the best choice. It's less expensive. It's simple. It's low pain. It's possibly reversible. The body still creates sperm regardless. It took us longer to actually get it done but it was great. Spouse had a consult, then a 20-minute procedure appointment. Then a week or two of soreness.
Things to note: It's not immediately effective. They HAVE to get the follow up testing done to confirm it worked. It also means that the person with a uterus is still in theory fertile. I had to rely on a test result (that I saw with my own eyes). It was a bit of an adjustment. Not to forget that it relies on another person's body and their choice about their body.
In general vasectomy was SO easy. We wondered why we didn't do it years earlier. And I wish more people took it seriously as an option.
Ultimately, I had a hysterectomy too. I have health issues that lead there but I realized how much I hated having a uterus and being "fertile" even though my spouse had a vasectomy. Again, I never wanted kids so my resentment for that system is different than others. But I wanted to note that there was a definite feeling of wholeness and freedom from knowing my own body, as an individual, was free from pregnancy risk. Even though I plan to be with my spouse forever. Of course that goes beyond just sterilization but that is a big part of the choice for me.
In general, there are no guarantees in life. While I very strongly didn't ever (and still don't) want kids, I of course thought about if I ended up wanted them and what I would do. I still decided I never wanted to be pregnant. And the risk of pregnancy was too much for me. If you're on the fence, by all means wait. I would never tell anyone to rush into something. I encourage you to think of the realities of going back into surgery in the future when it comes to practicality. It kinda sucks to have an extra surgery and there's additional risk. But that's sort of my process with my body and how I felt about the whole thing. And again, the sense of calm that came from any of those options was immense and worthwhile.
posted by Crystalinne at 6:22 PM on February 4, 2021
Tubal/tube removal: (Which, agreed, look into bilateral salpingectomy. It is now the recommended option AFAIK due to effectiveness and cancer prevention.) When I first realized I didn't want kids, I wanted to get my tubes tied. At the time I wasn't partnered and wanted to be in control of my own body. I quickly realized no one would do that at my age. Frustrating. But I still liked the idea of having it under my control regardless of a partner.
In the long run, besides being "too young" it was expensive and it was surgery. So I had no idea when it would be possible. That isn't an issue in this situation. But at the same time it runs more risks than some other options. But it's something YOU get to decide which is nice.
It was indefinitely on hold for me. But then I was fairly quickly partnered and we got to talk about ...
Vasectomy: Ultimately, I always ALWAYS recommend people to look into vasectomy. I didn't want to pressure my spouse into it, so we talked about it calmly and came to the decision that it was the best choice. It's less expensive. It's simple. It's low pain. It's possibly reversible. The body still creates sperm regardless. It took us longer to actually get it done but it was great. Spouse had a consult, then a 20-minute procedure appointment. Then a week or two of soreness.
Things to note: It's not immediately effective. They HAVE to get the follow up testing done to confirm it worked. It also means that the person with a uterus is still in theory fertile. I had to rely on a test result (that I saw with my own eyes). It was a bit of an adjustment. Not to forget that it relies on another person's body and their choice about their body.
In general vasectomy was SO easy. We wondered why we didn't do it years earlier. And I wish more people took it seriously as an option.
Ultimately, I had a hysterectomy too. I have health issues that lead there but I realized how much I hated having a uterus and being "fertile" even though my spouse had a vasectomy. Again, I never wanted kids so my resentment for that system is different than others. But I wanted to note that there was a definite feeling of wholeness and freedom from knowing my own body, as an individual, was free from pregnancy risk. Even though I plan to be with my spouse forever. Of course that goes beyond just sterilization but that is a big part of the choice for me.
In general, there are no guarantees in life. While I very strongly didn't ever (and still don't) want kids, I of course thought about if I ended up wanted them and what I would do. I still decided I never wanted to be pregnant. And the risk of pregnancy was too much for me. If you're on the fence, by all means wait. I would never tell anyone to rush into something. I encourage you to think of the realities of going back into surgery in the future when it comes to practicality. It kinda sucks to have an extra surgery and there's additional risk. But that's sort of my process with my body and how I felt about the whole thing. And again, the sense of calm that came from any of those options was immense and worthwhile.
posted by Crystalinne at 6:22 PM on February 4, 2021
I had a tubal ligation after my youngest child and I never regretted it. I love it!
Why a tubal ligation for me and not a vasectomy for my husband? Because my husband was nervous about a vasectomy and I was not nervous about a tubal ligation. Could I have insisted and gotten him to do it? Absolutely and I'm sure it would have been fine, but since I didn't mind at all, well, I didn't mind at all. In my marriage we pick up each other's slack and make up for each other's weaknesses in all kinds of arenas.
After the surgery (I recovered very quickly) I realized I was very very happy to have the locus of birth control in my body.
A huge bonus for me that I never anticipated was a surge in sex drive. I had never had a problem with hormonal birth control...didn't make me sick or seem to affect me at all, but once I was ovulating every month, wow! I realized birth control had really been putting a damper on my natural sex drive.
One possible reason to have it done during your C-section is logistics. I didn't have any C-sections, my tubal was a separate thing and scheduling a surgery with small children to care for was challenging. We could schedule a day but not a time. The hospital would call the night before to give us my surgery time, which could have been as early as 7am, requiring child care starting at 6am, (since someone also had to go to the hospital with me). I didn't have any friends good enough to ask for that favor and our occasional date night babysitters were just a few college students unlikely to be available for that job. Plus the surgery could have been any time after that, requiring a whole contingency plan.
Luckily my mom was willing and able to take a few days off work and drive 5 hours to help us out. But it's worth considering that whatever you have in place for childcare for the birth can do double duty for a tubal.
Good luck with this decision!
posted by Jenny'sCricket at 2:21 AM on February 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
Why a tubal ligation for me and not a vasectomy for my husband? Because my husband was nervous about a vasectomy and I was not nervous about a tubal ligation. Could I have insisted and gotten him to do it? Absolutely and I'm sure it would have been fine, but since I didn't mind at all, well, I didn't mind at all. In my marriage we pick up each other's slack and make up for each other's weaknesses in all kinds of arenas.
After the surgery (I recovered very quickly) I realized I was very very happy to have the locus of birth control in my body.
A huge bonus for me that I never anticipated was a surge in sex drive. I had never had a problem with hormonal birth control...didn't make me sick or seem to affect me at all, but once I was ovulating every month, wow! I realized birth control had really been putting a damper on my natural sex drive.
One possible reason to have it done during your C-section is logistics. I didn't have any C-sections, my tubal was a separate thing and scheduling a surgery with small children to care for was challenging. We could schedule a day but not a time. The hospital would call the night before to give us my surgery time, which could have been as early as 7am, requiring child care starting at 6am, (since someone also had to go to the hospital with me). I didn't have any friends good enough to ask for that favor and our occasional date night babysitters were just a few college students unlikely to be available for that job. Plus the surgery could have been any time after that, requiring a whole contingency plan.
Luckily my mom was willing and able to take a few days off work and drive 5 hours to help us out. But it's worth considering that whatever you have in place for childcare for the birth can do double duty for a tubal.
Good luck with this decision!
posted by Jenny'sCricket at 2:21 AM on February 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
Yeah, a vasectomy is "easier," but it just prevents you from getting pregnant with that one partner. Speaking as a widow, I'm glad I got my tubes tied in my 20's rather than my husband getting a vasectomy. I'm in my 40's now and happy that I didn't have to go on birth control when I started dating again.
What's the failure rate of tubal ligations done post-c-section?
posted by luckynerd at 9:31 AM on February 5, 2021
What's the failure rate of tubal ligations done post-c-section?
posted by luckynerd at 9:31 AM on February 5, 2021
Your title is misleading. It sounds like just a timing question. The reality is that you are not sure -at all- that you want to do this.
If you aren’t sure, don’t do it.
posted by SLC Mom at 1:52 PM on February 5, 2021
If you aren’t sure, don’t do it.
posted by SLC Mom at 1:52 PM on February 5, 2021
Any time you make a decision, you're closing off a path. That's just life. I think sometimes we worry too much about experiencing negative feelings. You might regret not having the option to have another child, but is this going to be something you agonize about, or just a wistful sort of "what if"?
posted by exceptinsects at 3:24 PM on February 8, 2021
posted by exceptinsects at 3:24 PM on February 8, 2021
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Jubey at 2:40 PM on February 4, 2021 [35 favorites]