Help me find a book about therapy
October 12, 2020 12:05 PM Subscribe
I skimmed a book once, it was interesting, and now I want to find it - but the details I remember are scant
Once upon a time, several years ago, I was a guest at someone's house (I can't remember who so I can't just ask them). I picked a book up off their shelves and skimmed it.
Here's what I remember about the book:
1. It was definitely about relationships, and I am 90% certain it was about marriage, specifically, but the other 10% is left over for it having been about family dynamics.
2. It was either something like psychodynamic therapy, some offshoot of Freudian (but not Freudian) or some other therapy much more focused on
the subconscious,
the deep roots of irrationality driving us,
re-enacting stories etc,
rather than, say, something CBT-like or EFT-like or Gottman-like. It was very, very distinctly NOT cognitive behavioral therapy flavored. I remember it being something I felt quite skeptical about as I started reading, and then became more intrigued as I read.
3. I think it was aimed more at a professional type audience than a layman popular type audience, not certain.But it wasn't textbook-dry, it was engagingly written.
4. A bunch of memories I do not trust 100% because I think I might be mixing it with other books I read afterwards: I seem to recall it having a bunch of case studies and descriptions of therapeutic process. I think it had a section on why people are drawn to each other. Similarly, I think it had some focus on families of origin as a factor.
I am aware this is a super wide, vague net to be casting. However, I've searched Goodreads lists for marriage therapy books and definitely not found it (add: "apparently at least a little obscure and possibly a bit old" to list above), so I figured I'd try you folks. Please just list any book that comes to mind that sounds like it could match this criteria.
Once upon a time, several years ago, I was a guest at someone's house (I can't remember who so I can't just ask them). I picked a book up off their shelves and skimmed it.
Here's what I remember about the book:
1. It was definitely about relationships, and I am 90% certain it was about marriage, specifically, but the other 10% is left over for it having been about family dynamics.
2. It was either something like psychodynamic therapy, some offshoot of Freudian (but not Freudian) or some other therapy much more focused on
the subconscious,
the deep roots of irrationality driving us,
re-enacting stories etc,
rather than, say, something CBT-like or EFT-like or Gottman-like. It was very, very distinctly NOT cognitive behavioral therapy flavored. I remember it being something I felt quite skeptical about as I started reading, and then became more intrigued as I read.
3. I think it was aimed more at a professional type audience than a layman popular type audience, not certain.But it wasn't textbook-dry, it was engagingly written.
4. A bunch of memories I do not trust 100% because I think I might be mixing it with other books I read afterwards: I seem to recall it having a bunch of case studies and descriptions of therapeutic process. I think it had a section on why people are drawn to each other. Similarly, I think it had some focus on families of origin as a factor.
I am aware this is a super wide, vague net to be casting. However, I've searched Goodreads lists for marriage therapy books and definitely not found it (add: "apparently at least a little obscure and possibly a bit old" to list above), so I figured I'd try you folks. Please just list any book that comes to mind that sounds like it could match this criteria.
"Internal Family Systems Therapy" by Richard A. Schwarz ticks a lot of these boxes, although it is not about marriage.
It is engaging but targets professionals. It focuses on relationships. It is heavy on case studies. It has sections dealing with family dynamics and on the way that families of origin can influence people.
Particularly, it is quite strange, extremely different from hard-nosed rational-seeming CBT -- the kind of thing that would definitely inspire skepticism in a reader while seeming intriguing. (The idea is basically to encourage people to envision themselves as having "multiple personalities", and then work on repairing relationships between these parts that might have been harmed due to trauma or bad coping mechanisms.)
posted by vogon_poet at 12:21 PM on October 12, 2020
It is engaging but targets professionals. It focuses on relationships. It is heavy on case studies. It has sections dealing with family dynamics and on the way that families of origin can influence people.
Particularly, it is quite strange, extremely different from hard-nosed rational-seeming CBT -- the kind of thing that would definitely inspire skepticism in a reader while seeming intriguing. (The idea is basically to encourage people to envision themselves as having "multiple personalities", and then work on repairing relationships between these parts that might have been harmed due to trauma or bad coping mechanisms.)
posted by vogon_poet at 12:21 PM on October 12, 2020
Possibly Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch?
posted by crocomancer at 1:58 PM on October 12, 2020
posted by crocomancer at 1:58 PM on October 12, 2020
I don't have a specific book to cite, but I do have a strong feeling you ran into a book by or about Milton Erickson.
Erickson was nominally a hypnotherapist, but that term scarcely begins to encompass his work.
His therapeutic anecdotes are the most gripping and intense I've ever read by a very wide margin, and he was virtually worshipped by a coterie of family system therapists and hypnotherapists.
On second thought, a book you might have read is Uncommon Therapy by Jay Haley. It was addressed to therapists and I seem to remember lots of resolutions of family trauma. I found this book absolutely fascinating, but I didn't feel like it took me any distance toward being able to do the kinds of things Erickson did.
posted by jamjam at 2:54 PM on October 12, 2020
Erickson was nominally a hypnotherapist, but that term scarcely begins to encompass his work.
His therapeutic anecdotes are the most gripping and intense I've ever read by a very wide margin, and he was virtually worshipped by a coterie of family system therapists and hypnotherapists.
On second thought, a book you might have read is Uncommon Therapy by Jay Haley. It was addressed to therapists and I seem to remember lots of resolutions of family trauma. I found this book absolutely fascinating, but I didn't feel like it took me any distance toward being able to do the kinds of things Erickson did.
posted by jamjam at 2:54 PM on October 12, 2020
Could be Stephen Mitchell's "Can Love Last?" (True story: I bought it when it was published on the strength of this review, read it, and forgot about it. Year later, I was in crisis and my eyes fell upon the book on my bookshelf. I ended up in treatment with an analyst Mitchell trained, who saved my life.)
It could also be a text by Adam Phillips; his most popular book is "On Kissing, Tickling, and Being Bored."
posted by minervous at 3:10 PM on October 12, 2020
It could also be a text by Adam Phillips; his most popular book is "On Kissing, Tickling, and Being Bored."
posted by minervous at 3:10 PM on October 12, 2020
Could also be Love's Executioner by Irvin Yalom and if not, you might be interested in that one.
posted by fairlynearlyready at 9:15 PM on October 12, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by fairlynearlyready at 9:15 PM on October 12, 2020 [1 favorite]
A few medium-long shots:
Henry Dicks, Marital Tensions (more psychoanalytic than psychodynamic)
Scripts People Live or something by Eric Berne (TA diagrams are quite distinctive)
Bowen or Minuchin's family systems (no specific books I know of)
posted by ahundredjarsofsky at 4:00 AM on October 13, 2020
Henry Dicks, Marital Tensions (more psychoanalytic than psychodynamic)
Scripts People Live or something by Eric Berne (TA diagrams are quite distinctive)
Bowen or Minuchin's family systems (no specific books I know of)
posted by ahundredjarsofsky at 4:00 AM on October 13, 2020
Response by poster: >more psychoanalytic than psychodynamic
Yeah please don't feel bound by the specific ones I mentioned. (in fact, I keep having a nagging feeling it may have been about drama therapy.)
posted by Cozybee at 1:17 PM on October 13, 2020
Yeah please don't feel bound by the specific ones I mentioned. (in fact, I keep having a nagging feeling it may have been about drama therapy.)
posted by Cozybee at 1:17 PM on October 13, 2020
There are a lot of books that this could be, but only a few publishers who specialize in these sorts of books geared toward a professional audience. Many of these sorts of books are not dry, but engagingly written. However, lots of publishers pick up the occasional book that covers this ground (especially ones written for a more general audience).
Knowing a cutoff publication year would be helpful. Eliminating everything published after X year would help narrow it down. Publisher links, specifically to couples therapy subcategories:
Routledge
Norton
Guilford
Though not strictly psychoanalytic, your description sounds a little bit like the authors of Getting the Love You Want, which is about how our childhood experiences provide templates for who we choose as romantic partners (whether consciously or unconsciously). Another tip might be to check the References section of another book roughly in that same space, to see if any bells ring. Sounds interesting, good luck!
posted by inkytea at 10:13 AM on October 14, 2020
Knowing a cutoff publication year would be helpful. Eliminating everything published after X year would help narrow it down. Publisher links, specifically to couples therapy subcategories:
Routledge
Norton
Guilford
Though not strictly psychoanalytic, your description sounds a little bit like the authors of Getting the Love You Want, which is about how our childhood experiences provide templates for who we choose as romantic partners (whether consciously or unconsciously). Another tip might be to check the References section of another book roughly in that same space, to see if any bells ring. Sounds interesting, good luck!
posted by inkytea at 10:13 AM on October 14, 2020
Response by poster: >Knowing a cutoff publication year would be helpful.
Probably published before 2010, definitely published before 2015
posted by Cozybee at 12:31 PM on October 15, 2020
Probably published before 2010, definitely published before 2015
posted by Cozybee at 12:31 PM on October 15, 2020
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by brook horse at 12:14 PM on October 12, 2020