How to support my friend (MTF) through her transition (UK)
April 25, 2020 12:27 PM Subscribe
My friend is about to start HRT treatments in the UK; she's just come out to her parents and is thankfully able to go ahead with treatments in spite of the Big Dumb Virus. I'd be grateful for any advice from trans women in the UK on things that would have helped you to have or to hear (or not hear?) from a friend as you started on HRT. I'm locked down in a different country, but we can video chat etc.
Best answer: I think a lot depends on your relationship. What would you say to her if she was doing some other difficult, maybe-scary thing that was likely to be really good for her? Like if she got engaged to someone who was a really good match, or she and her partner finally got pregnant after lots of trying, or she started a challenging career that you thought she would be great at? How you'd react to that — whether you'd just say something cheerfully bland, or demand every detail, or swap crude jokes about it, or etc — might give you a sense of how to approach this.
It's not clear from your question if she came out or socially transitioned in any way before this, so this may or may not apply, but I think the biggest thing to avoid is "this will be difficult for me but I'll try" or things along those lines. Again, comparing with other life changes might be helpful. If you wouldn't say "it'll be hard for me to think of you as married, but I'll try my best" (which, ew, I hope you wouldn't ever say that), then probably don't say "it'll be hard for me to call you 'she'" or anything like that.
But yeah, basically, this is a happy occasion and the start of something exciting. There will be stresses that require support, and triumphs to celebrate, and you should approach them the way you'd approach stresses and triumphs in any other big exciting life project.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:13 PM on April 25, 2020 [2 favorites]
It's not clear from your question if she came out or socially transitioned in any way before this, so this may or may not apply, but I think the biggest thing to avoid is "this will be difficult for me but I'll try" or things along those lines. Again, comparing with other life changes might be helpful. If you wouldn't say "it'll be hard for me to think of you as married, but I'll try my best" (which, ew, I hope you wouldn't ever say that), then probably don't say "it'll be hard for me to call you 'she'" or anything like that.
But yeah, basically, this is a happy occasion and the start of something exciting. There will be stresses that require support, and triumphs to celebrate, and you should approach them the way you'd approach stresses and triumphs in any other big exciting life project.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:13 PM on April 25, 2020 [2 favorites]
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posted by jlibera at 12:34 PM on April 25, 2020