Love in the time of corona

March 15, 2020 7:42 PM

I'm looking for stories/thoughts/solutions/perspectives on people who find they and their partner have different comfort levels on how aggressively to do social distancing, go out to places, sterilize things, etc. when they didn't have this issue in pre-corona life.

This is for something I'm thinking about, early stages of the idea, anything is helpful. Thanks!

posted by nantucket to Health & Fitness (5 answers total)

https://www.wsj.com/articles/how-many-cans-of-tuna-are-too-many-coronavirus-prep-divides-couples-11584024621?
posted by meaty shoe puppet at 11:08 PM on March 15, 2020 [1 favorite]

My husband and I screamed at each other about how he would have to bleach the whole house if we had ikea assembly in here! I thought he was being ridiculous. He’s been mopping the whole house continuously since a week ago. Probably the first time in 13 years he has mopped. He got very angry at me for adhering to our previous policy of “yellow let it mellow” this week too. Cleaning is clearly how he’s coping. We’ve always both been overgrown bachelors before, content to get the place cleaned every couple weeks and generate a book and black clothing based squalor til then.
posted by sweltering at 4:49 AM on March 16, 2020 [4 favorites]

I haven't seen much about this in the media, but there's clearly a difference between how my partner and I are applying "social distancing" recommendations, and I'm not sure how hard to press for my personal interpretation. And honestly, this is tough, there's conflicting information in the media, and it's very far outside of anyone's lived experience.

Friday: Partner's sister came over after work to eat dinner with us.
Saturday: To their credit, partner cancelled a milestone birthday party (40-50 guests expected); instead, they wanted to see Emma with friends. I objected, and didn't go; they went but upset that I was "making them feel bad" about it, especially after cancelling the party.
Sunday: Suggested going over to another friend's house to prepare dinner together; I objected, we didn't go. We did go on a walk on a busy urban walking trail. Partner wanted me to bake cheesecakes to take to work for ~30 co-workers (ingredients had been bought for the party); when I didn't, they took other leftovers in to work today to share with their co-workers.
Today: "Let's go out for pizza or burritos tonight!" I'm expecting them to pull out the "but restaurant workers need our business now!" card if I object.

I don't feel like I'm paranoid, and we aren't doing any exeptional cleaning, stockpiling or sanitizing other than thorough handwashing when coming in from outside the home..but I'm also very willing to just stay inside and not have contact with anyone other than partner for next 20-40 days. Partner, at least for now, clearly isn't, and feel like they either Don't Get Social Distancing, or don't think it's something we need to do now.
posted by pullayup at 10:36 AM on March 16, 2020 [1 favorite]

My partner and I are in an LDR and I think are mostly on the same page wrt social distancing but definitely not entirely. He worked in a University that shut down recently and had at least a few confirmed cases on campus though mostly likely not in his department (but maybe, it's hard to tell). My feeling is we shouldn't see each other in person until "after" which is who knows when (unless one of us gets it and then there's some good science indicating they're not shedding etc etc). He's ADD and lives with his son with mental health challenges and I don't really think that as a household they can be rigorous enough about keeping things clean. They are both healthy, they will very likely get it and survive.

I live alone and am pretty rigorous about cleaning,not having people over, no eating out, not getting delivery, etc. I have mild asthma (probably okay) and some ongoing lung crud thing that I've had since August (worrisome) so am very much like "We don't see each other unless we each drive an hour and a half to stand very far apart in a field together." I am pretty sure he's going to chafe under that a lot more and sooner because being in physical proximity is more important to him than to me. It's important to me, but I prioritize it differently and get a lot more "relationship energy" out of many of the virtual ways we can interact. We definitely haven't been fighting about it and I don't think we will but I think our patience will run out at different times.
posted by jessamyn at 10:49 AM on March 16, 2020 [3 favorites]

My partner is lagging behind my level of concern, probably because I have been following the spread of this and best practices on Twitter for weeks whereas he gets most of his information somewhat cursorily through traditional news and we have had some impasses about what this should look like. I mostly have got him on board by explaining to him what my thinking was and why it had evolved to this point, but we have had a couple of big arguments about it in the process.

I entertained his being a bit behind me on preparedness by compromising on both our positions, like getting food out, but bringing it home to eat here. Gradually his expectations have lessened as I've eased him into it and as messaging in the media has been severely ramped up; he can see that my perspectives are well informed and I think is trusting me more on what I suggest with each passing day.
posted by urbanlenny at 11:29 AM on March 16, 2020 [1 favorite]