Should I write this letter in support of my landlady?
November 25, 2019 5:36 PM Subscribe
Landlady is involved in a lawsuit regarding another property and has asked me to write a letter stating her relations with me have been fair and respectful -- which they mostly have except for occasional fits of weirdness (see within). Should I?
I've lived in my current residence for over a year. My landlady is... a little strange. On the positive side, she's been prompt with repairs and has always been friendly and respectful when we've met in person. On the other hand, she occasionally sends me weird out-of-the-blue emails or texts where she overshares problems of her personal life, in phrasings that are sometimes impossible to understand. As in, half the sentences will be made up of English words but will not add up to any discernible meaning, while the ones that do make sense might be complaints about health or financial difficulties or about how someone I don't know treated her unfairly. This happens maybe once every month or two. My strategy has been to ignore these completely and not reply or acknowledge them in any way. I talked to another tenant who's also been on the receiving end of these messages and they think she might be schizophrenic or have other mental health issues.
The landlord has another property where she's been in conflict with the tenants, who are suing her for discrimination (one of them is trans) and other things I'm less clear about. The only reason I know about this is that she sent me a massive PDF with everything related to the case, totally out of the blue, including copies of the lease with SSNs of the tenants and other info she definitely should not have been sharing. This was maybe six months ago and at the time she asked me over email to write a letter in her support stating I had never witnessed any discrimination on her part and that she's generally treated me fairly as a tenant (which again is true if you put aside all the weird inappropriate messages). At the time I followed my usual strategy and ignored this request, because my experience has been that she seems to forget about these things after a while and I hoped this would go away on its own.
But yesterday she emailed again with another request for the same letter, and I'm not sure what's best to do. On the one hand I want to keep as far away from this conflict and all her other personal issues as I can. On the other hand I want to stay on her good side, especially since my lease is expiring soon and she is not legally required to renew it. The other tenant I talked to said their impression was that landlady divides the world mentally into people on her side and people who are against her, and that she's nice to those in the former set but can be hostile and aggressive to those in the latter. I'm worried that a flat-out refusal to write the letter could put me in the latter camp. But if I do write it, she might start to see me as an active supporter in this conflict, leading to more inappropriate sharing and maybe more demands. I'm also not sure if writing such a letter might mean stepping into some kind of legal or other liabilities, or could have other practical consequences I'm not thinking of.
Thoughts?
I've lived in my current residence for over a year. My landlady is... a little strange. On the positive side, she's been prompt with repairs and has always been friendly and respectful when we've met in person. On the other hand, she occasionally sends me weird out-of-the-blue emails or texts where she overshares problems of her personal life, in phrasings that are sometimes impossible to understand. As in, half the sentences will be made up of English words but will not add up to any discernible meaning, while the ones that do make sense might be complaints about health or financial difficulties or about how someone I don't know treated her unfairly. This happens maybe once every month or two. My strategy has been to ignore these completely and not reply or acknowledge them in any way. I talked to another tenant who's also been on the receiving end of these messages and they think she might be schizophrenic or have other mental health issues.
The landlord has another property where she's been in conflict with the tenants, who are suing her for discrimination (one of them is trans) and other things I'm less clear about. The only reason I know about this is that she sent me a massive PDF with everything related to the case, totally out of the blue, including copies of the lease with SSNs of the tenants and other info she definitely should not have been sharing. This was maybe six months ago and at the time she asked me over email to write a letter in her support stating I had never witnessed any discrimination on her part and that she's generally treated me fairly as a tenant (which again is true if you put aside all the weird inappropriate messages). At the time I followed my usual strategy and ignored this request, because my experience has been that she seems to forget about these things after a while and I hoped this would go away on its own.
But yesterday she emailed again with another request for the same letter, and I'm not sure what's best to do. On the one hand I want to keep as far away from this conflict and all her other personal issues as I can. On the other hand I want to stay on her good side, especially since my lease is expiring soon and she is not legally required to renew it. The other tenant I talked to said their impression was that landlady divides the world mentally into people on her side and people who are against her, and that she's nice to those in the former set but can be hostile and aggressive to those in the latter. I'm worried that a flat-out refusal to write the letter could put me in the latter camp. But if I do write it, she might start to see me as an active supporter in this conflict, leading to more inappropriate sharing and maybe more demands. I'm also not sure if writing such a letter might mean stepping into some kind of legal or other liabilities, or could have other practical consequences I'm not thinking of.
Thoughts?
Would the letter, if you wrote one, be given directly to her? Or would it be given to the court?
posted by tapir-whorf at 5:49 PM on November 25, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by tapir-whorf at 5:49 PM on November 25, 2019 [2 favorites]
If you do write a letter, it might be inadmissible as hearsay anyway. Your landlord probably just thinks it will help her. I was in a suit against a similarly challenged defendant, and he tried to offer a bunch of letters like this as evidence of his good character and the judge wouldn’t allow it.
posted by dianeF at 6:15 PM on November 25, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by dianeF at 6:15 PM on November 25, 2019 [3 favorites]
I wouldn't. You really haven't known her that long. I feel like a character reference is something you write for someone whose character you know really well.
And having to say that her relations with you have been fair and respectful - that's kind of expected for normal human interactions.
posted by kitten magic at 6:15 PM on November 25, 2019 [1 favorite]
And having to say that her relations with you have been fair and respectful - that's kind of expected for normal human interactions.
posted by kitten magic at 6:15 PM on November 25, 2019 [1 favorite]
You said something about weird oversharings? This is one of them. Stay out of another person's court case.
posted by scruss at 6:16 PM on November 25, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by scruss at 6:16 PM on November 25, 2019 [8 favorites]
If experience has taught me anything, it's that how a person treats you has very little to do with how they treat other people.
If she has been picking on these other tenants, I bet she's kept it out of sight. You don't actually know if she's been discriminatory or not. Worst case? Your letter is used to bolster the behavior of a real asshat. She's a loose social tie you barely know. I wouldn't do it.
posted by aw jeez at 6:43 PM on November 25, 2019 [4 favorites]
If she has been picking on these other tenants, I bet she's kept it out of sight. You don't actually know if she's been discriminatory or not. Worst case? Your letter is used to bolster the behavior of a real asshat. She's a loose social tie you barely know. I wouldn't do it.
posted by aw jeez at 6:43 PM on November 25, 2019 [4 favorites]
It's pretty hard to come up with a satisfying ethical justification for writing a letter to support someone you know often behaves in shocking unprofessional ways in a case you don't actually know anything about. There are other apartments.
posted by eotvos at 7:51 PM on November 25, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by eotvos at 7:51 PM on November 25, 2019 [8 favorites]
Can you write a letter on behalf of those tenants instead?
posted by oceanjesse at 8:59 PM on November 25, 2019
posted by oceanjesse at 8:59 PM on November 25, 2019
“It’s my policy to not get involved in other people’s legal issues.”
posted by blueberry at 9:20 PM on November 25, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by blueberry at 9:20 PM on November 25, 2019 [8 favorites]
I know a person like this, thankfully not my landlord. For her, the messages she sends are not personal at all or motivated by regards for any individual. I am just someone in her life she can spew out towards. I think your policy of ignoring her boundary-crossing messages has worked fine for you so far and you should continue. There's no reason to believe this request is any different from prior ones - it has nothing to do with your tenancy. In the remote chance that she escalates to asking in person, personally I'd pretend not to know what she was talking about and express non-committal and vague disinterest. But I'd also be leery of renting from someone who has no problem with sending my SSN to random strangers.
posted by muddgirl at 9:55 PM on November 25, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by muddgirl at 9:55 PM on November 25, 2019 [7 favorites]
The don't write the letter part has been covered pretty well. So,
If you write a letter (not saying you should, but I get that there is a huge power dynamic and its scary to say no to somebody who can evict you, and who is already being sued by questionable behavior by other tenants) make sure your write it making clear the power dynamic, that you are CURRENTLY a tenant and make it clear you do not live at the building in question by simply writing your address and that you do not know anyone involved except the landlord, who you only know because of your business transactions.
My sample letter would start something like this:
To whom it could concern: My name is _____, I have been a tenant of XXX property sense Month, YEAR. I am writing this at the request of my Landlord XXX for a description of our landlord-tenant relationship.
Next paragraph would start something like this I met landlord when viewing property X. I have never been to Property Y or met any of the tenants at that property.
If you write anything about her- make it be about stuff that landlords are legally required to do that she actually did. Like she fixed that broken pipe one time. Or she gave notice before entering your apartment. She was on time for the lease signing. She replaced my smoke detector. Whatever is true, but definitely don't make it a glowing reference letter that you could never see her doing the things mentioned. Just the bare minimum of landlordness.
Basically, if yours is the only reference letter she can get, it is incredibly telling if they do bother to read the letter that something isn't right, and she asked a tenant to write her a letter against a court case for behaving inappropriately with other tenants.
I'm sorry you're stuck in this situation, it is a hard place
posted by AlexiaSky at 10:05 PM on November 25, 2019 [10 favorites]
If you write a letter (not saying you should, but I get that there is a huge power dynamic and its scary to say no to somebody who can evict you, and who is already being sued by questionable behavior by other tenants) make sure your write it making clear the power dynamic, that you are CURRENTLY a tenant and make it clear you do not live at the building in question by simply writing your address and that you do not know anyone involved except the landlord, who you only know because of your business transactions.
My sample letter would start something like this:
To whom it could concern: My name is _____, I have been a tenant of XXX property sense Month, YEAR. I am writing this at the request of my Landlord XXX for a description of our landlord-tenant relationship.
Next paragraph would start something like this I met landlord when viewing property X. I have never been to Property Y or met any of the tenants at that property.
If you write anything about her- make it be about stuff that landlords are legally required to do that she actually did. Like she fixed that broken pipe one time. Or she gave notice before entering your apartment. She was on time for the lease signing. She replaced my smoke detector. Whatever is true, but definitely don't make it a glowing reference letter that you could never see her doing the things mentioned. Just the bare minimum of landlordness.
Basically, if yours is the only reference letter she can get, it is incredibly telling if they do bother to read the letter that something isn't right, and she asked a tenant to write her a letter against a court case for behaving inappropriately with other tenants.
I'm sorry you're stuck in this situation, it is a hard place
posted by AlexiaSky at 10:05 PM on November 25, 2019 [10 favorites]
Have you experienced sexism, homophobia, trans hate speech? You can write a fairly passive and accurate letter. You don't know anything about her actions towards another tenant and I would not comment on anything you have no knowledge of. You don't have to be effusive. Make it very accurate and simple.
L has been my landlord since October 2018. She has been cordial and respectful when we meet. Repairs are completed promptly. Our financial relationship has been straightforward and fair.
Or you can politely decline involvement.
posted by theora55 at 5:23 AM on November 26, 2019
L has been my landlord since October 2018. She has been cordial and respectful when we meet. Repairs are completed promptly. Our financial relationship has been straightforward and fair.
Or you can politely decline involvement.
posted by theora55 at 5:23 AM on November 26, 2019
Yeah I don't get involved in other people's legal business anymore after I volunteered to be a witness on a police report for a car accident. A year later it was still in court and I was summoned to court by the defense to give testimony in a state where I no longer lived. Fuck that. Don't get involved.
posted by Young Kullervo at 5:58 AM on November 26, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Young Kullervo at 5:58 AM on November 26, 2019 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
I think this is a good time for the classic "I'm afraid that won't be possible" phrasing.
I want to stay on her good side, especially since my lease is expiring soon and she is not legally required to renew it.
If your landlord will only renew your lease if you help her out in active discrimination cases, is she the sort of landlord you want to have?
posted by saeculorum at 5:48 PM on November 25, 2019 [16 favorites]