Another question about pet euthanasia
August 29, 2019 8:47 AM Subscribe
We're having trouble deciding whether it's time to say goodbye to our cat. External opinions appreciated.
Mymble is 10 and was diagnosed with pretty severe, advanced arthritis in both hips and both back legs a month or two ago, after presenting as lame. She has been taking Metacam with food that has kept her mobile and living as usual since then... Until this weekend when she suddenly became MUCH more lame to the extent that she basically can't walk at all. The vet has confirmed it's the arthritis progressing, possibly bone fragments splintering off.
The vet said there is essentially nothing to be done, but gave us an opioid painkiller to try along with the Metacam, to see if that would make her comfortable enough to have some quality of life. The big problem is this new medication is trans-mucosal, which means to administer it requires catching her, pinning her down, and squirting the dose into her mouth. Unlike the Metacam, which is squirted on her favourite food and which she enjoys taking, this is significantly stressful for her and is extremely difficult to do.
She is a cat who has always hated being handled and hated being interfered with. She has always reacted extremely badly to routine vets checkups, administering worming/flea medication etc. If this was our other cat who is a puppycat and gets a lot out of human interaction, and is in general much more chill, I think this would be fine. But trying to get the opioid in her is just making her life miserable, and causing her to try to run away from us, which is heartbreaking with the condition of her legs. The Metacam alone is not sufficient to keep her mobile anymore.
The last two days she has stayed under my bed all day and night, only leaving to make the extremely slow painful downstairs to go out the catflap for toileting (we have set up a litter box but she's not using it). She is still eating and drinking, but less as she doesn't want to move to the food bowl (even though I've obviously now installed food and water under my bed for her). Up until the weekend she had a normal indoor/outdoor cat life, spending time in various snooze spots, coming for attention and fuss, and spending time outside when the sun was out.
We're torn. One the one hand it seems the best thing that she should be put to sleep tomorrow, as her quality of life is really nothing compared to what it used to be and there's no cure for the arthritis, and we can't provide her with any more pain relief. She can't walk! She must be in agony. But on the other hand, she's not old, and is in all other ways healthy and not dying- which makes it seem less clear cut? With other pets we've had put to sleep, they were on the way out anyway with kidney failure, cancer, etc. So it seems so sad to put a "healthy" cat down. But she can't walk and is in pain. This is so hard. What would you do?
Mymble is 10 and was diagnosed with pretty severe, advanced arthritis in both hips and both back legs a month or two ago, after presenting as lame. She has been taking Metacam with food that has kept her mobile and living as usual since then... Until this weekend when she suddenly became MUCH more lame to the extent that she basically can't walk at all. The vet has confirmed it's the arthritis progressing, possibly bone fragments splintering off.
The vet said there is essentially nothing to be done, but gave us an opioid painkiller to try along with the Metacam, to see if that would make her comfortable enough to have some quality of life. The big problem is this new medication is trans-mucosal, which means to administer it requires catching her, pinning her down, and squirting the dose into her mouth. Unlike the Metacam, which is squirted on her favourite food and which she enjoys taking, this is significantly stressful for her and is extremely difficult to do.
She is a cat who has always hated being handled and hated being interfered with. She has always reacted extremely badly to routine vets checkups, administering worming/flea medication etc. If this was our other cat who is a puppycat and gets a lot out of human interaction, and is in general much more chill, I think this would be fine. But trying to get the opioid in her is just making her life miserable, and causing her to try to run away from us, which is heartbreaking with the condition of her legs. The Metacam alone is not sufficient to keep her mobile anymore.
The last two days she has stayed under my bed all day and night, only leaving to make the extremely slow painful downstairs to go out the catflap for toileting (we have set up a litter box but she's not using it). She is still eating and drinking, but less as she doesn't want to move to the food bowl (even though I've obviously now installed food and water under my bed for her). Up until the weekend she had a normal indoor/outdoor cat life, spending time in various snooze spots, coming for attention and fuss, and spending time outside when the sun was out.
We're torn. One the one hand it seems the best thing that she should be put to sleep tomorrow, as her quality of life is really nothing compared to what it used to be and there's no cure for the arthritis, and we can't provide her with any more pain relief. She can't walk! She must be in agony. But on the other hand, she's not old, and is in all other ways healthy and not dying- which makes it seem less clear cut? With other pets we've had put to sleep, they were on the way out anyway with kidney failure, cancer, etc. So it seems so sad to put a "healthy" cat down. But she can't walk and is in pain. This is so hard. What would you do?
This sounds completely, unimaginably horrible. I would not hesitate to euthanize.
I mean, I would hesitate, because like you, I don't want to kill pets unnecessarily or too early, but honestly, as an outsider, everything about this sounds like a situation where you would be doing the best thing for your friend to put her out of her misery. A cat who can't walk is likely to spend a lot of time feeling unsafe and also unable to do anything about that.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:55 AM on August 29, 2019 [24 favorites]
I mean, I would hesitate, because like you, I don't want to kill pets unnecessarily or too early, but honestly, as an outsider, everything about this sounds like a situation where you would be doing the best thing for your friend to put her out of her misery. A cat who can't walk is likely to spend a lot of time feeling unsafe and also unable to do anything about that.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:55 AM on August 29, 2019 [24 favorites]
I see your concern about her being fundamentally healthy other than the pain, but she's not a person and doesn't have an active internal mental life and all she knows right now is the pain. I believe she's going to be a lot happier on the other side.
I'm so sorry, and if you've never done this before, I have to say that for me, the anticipation/decision stress leading up to saying goodbye was much worse than actually saying goodbye. As soon as it was done I felt sad but relieved and at peace.
posted by ftm at 8:59 AM on August 29, 2019 [6 favorites]
I'm so sorry, and if you've never done this before, I have to say that for me, the anticipation/decision stress leading up to saying goodbye was much worse than actually saying goodbye. As soon as it was done I felt sad but relieved and at peace.
posted by ftm at 8:59 AM on August 29, 2019 [6 favorites]
You're describing a situation that is only going to deteriorate, probably very fast. (Bone splinters breaking off? That's... that's bad.) If you're really torn, make an appointment for a second opinion, but make it with the intent that if another vet has no better ideas or miraculous solvable diagnosis, your kitty is not going to come home from the appointment.
I know it sucks. I know it because I spent my beloved cat's last night watching her lie down in her litter box because everything hurt too much and she no longer cared that she was lying in her own shit because it meant she didn't have to squat. I went back to the vet as soon as it opened, hoping that maybe there was one last miracle, but there wasn't, and Dottie was done, and it was time.
posted by restless_nomad at 9:00 AM on August 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
I know it sucks. I know it because I spent my beloved cat's last night watching her lie down in her litter box because everything hurt too much and she no longer cared that she was lying in her own shit because it meant she didn't have to squat. I went back to the vet as soon as it opened, hoping that maybe there was one last miracle, but there wasn't, and Dottie was done, and it was time.
posted by restless_nomad at 9:00 AM on August 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
It's not really "healthy" when your bones are shearing off.
It's time to let her go. I have learned enough hard lessons to be worried about "too soon" when you reach the point of days or maybe weeks. She's suffering, you've exhausted pretty much the best newest pain management available, it's time to help her the only way that is left.
Since she's in so much pain and hates veterinary handling, you might consider a home euthanasia service. She'll still probably be mad, but less so than having to travel on top of everything else.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:04 AM on August 29, 2019 [6 favorites]
It's time to let her go. I have learned enough hard lessons to be worried about "too soon" when you reach the point of days or maybe weeks. She's suffering, you've exhausted pretty much the best newest pain management available, it's time to help her the only way that is left.
Since she's in so much pain and hates veterinary handling, you might consider a home euthanasia service. She'll still probably be mad, but less so than having to travel on top of everything else.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:04 AM on August 29, 2019 [6 favorites]
This is pretty clear: the right time is now.
posted by slkinsey at 9:06 AM on August 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by slkinsey at 9:06 AM on August 29, 2019 [3 favorites]
If you think that the pain meds will remain this difficult to administer, then it sounds like it's probably time. If you think that might change (soon!) then maybe try a little more?
I'm sorry that you and your cat are going through this.
posted by jclarkin at 9:06 AM on August 29, 2019
I'm sorry that you and your cat are going through this.
posted by jclarkin at 9:06 AM on August 29, 2019
trying to get the opioid in her is just making her life miserable, and causing her to try to run away from us, which is heartbreaking with the condition of her legs...we can't provide her with any more pain relief.
This is what would drive my decision. She is in agonizing pain. Euthanizing a pet is heartbreaking, but sometimes it’s the kindest thing to do. I’ve had to do it several times and it was always very hard on me, but I’ve never regretted ending my pet’s suffering. I’m very sorry.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 9:07 AM on August 29, 2019 [5 favorites]
This is what would drive my decision. She is in agonizing pain. Euthanizing a pet is heartbreaking, but sometimes it’s the kindest thing to do. I’ve had to do it several times and it was always very hard on me, but I’ve never regretted ending my pet’s suffering. I’m very sorry.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 9:07 AM on August 29, 2019 [5 favorites]
I'm so sorry - that sounds dreadful. I concur - it's time to let her go and if you can find a vet to come to you all the better. Poor kitty - that sounds agonizing.
posted by leslies at 9:14 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by leslies at 9:14 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
The Metacam alone is not sufficient to keep her mobile anymore.
Even if you could administer the opioid to dull the pain, it would probably dull her capacity to do much but sleep. For cats, mobility is health. I'm so sorry.
posted by holgate at 9:14 AM on August 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
Even if you could administer the opioid to dull the pain, it would probably dull her capacity to do much but sleep. For cats, mobility is health. I'm so sorry.
posted by holgate at 9:14 AM on August 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
Remember that cats aren't just predators, they are also prey, and have prey instincts. As such, feeling trapped and unable to escape is very difficult and stressful for them, and it is also why they will hide illness or injury as long as they can.
posted by foxfirefey at 9:18 AM on August 29, 2019
posted by foxfirefey at 9:18 AM on August 29, 2019
I agree, this sounds like the time is clearly now. Best wishes.
posted by Dip Flash at 9:19 AM on August 29, 2019
posted by Dip Flash at 9:19 AM on August 29, 2019
I missed the "and we can't provide her with any more pain relief" bit. Given that, it sound like it is time.
posted by jclarkin at 9:25 AM on August 29, 2019
posted by jclarkin at 9:25 AM on August 29, 2019
Sorry to pile on but I just wanted to add that think about how hard it is to get pain killer dosages right in people who can say hey this still hurts. You don't actually know if what you're giving her is working or not, so it's not like you can say oh she's ok she just needs medicine - she's not ok. I went through this exact calculation about a year ago and it's no fun. Wishing you all the best.
posted by bleep at 9:27 AM on August 29, 2019
posted by bleep at 9:27 AM on August 29, 2019
Oh god, just no. That sounds so very traumatizing for everyone and it is absolutely time to let her go. I am sorry.
We did in-home euthanasia when my dog was put down recently and they counseled me over the phone pretty extensively beforehand. One thing to keep in mind is that vets will generally continue to offer suggestions and treatments for sick or aging animals (medications, modifications, etc.) even after quality of life has decreased significantly. Unless the animal gets extremely ill and has imminent death or very severe suffering, it really is the owner who has to make the call and you don't need to wait for your vet's "okay" or permission to do so.
Another thing to keep in mind is that pets want to be "good" and will often go out of their way to mask their pain and suffering to please their owners, so when they get to the point where they've reached the point of not eating or incontinence or hiding...that's the behavior they cannot hide any longer, which to me communicates volumes about how much more poorly they are probably doing under the surface.
I strongly recommend an in-home service if it's available in your area. It's night and day. I was just blown away by how amazingly compassionate they were and how reassuring they were that we were making the right choice at the right time (even though she probably technically had a few more months left in her if I hadn't made that call) and how they made my dog's passing so comfortable and peaceful. I cried buckets but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
My best to you.
posted by anderjen at 9:38 AM on August 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
We did in-home euthanasia when my dog was put down recently and they counseled me over the phone pretty extensively beforehand. One thing to keep in mind is that vets will generally continue to offer suggestions and treatments for sick or aging animals (medications, modifications, etc.) even after quality of life has decreased significantly. Unless the animal gets extremely ill and has imminent death or very severe suffering, it really is the owner who has to make the call and you don't need to wait for your vet's "okay" or permission to do so.
Another thing to keep in mind is that pets want to be "good" and will often go out of their way to mask their pain and suffering to please their owners, so when they get to the point where they've reached the point of not eating or incontinence or hiding...that's the behavior they cannot hide any longer, which to me communicates volumes about how much more poorly they are probably doing under the surface.
I strongly recommend an in-home service if it's available in your area. It's night and day. I was just blown away by how amazingly compassionate they were and how reassuring they were that we were making the right choice at the right time (even though she probably technically had a few more months left in her if I hadn't made that call) and how they made my dog's passing so comfortable and peaceful. I cried buckets but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
My best to you.
posted by anderjen at 9:38 AM on August 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
I'm so sorry for you all, and kitty. It was a different situation, but I had to help my beloved, young, otherwise healthy 12 year old dog Chan find the relief of release back in March. In her situation, she likely had a brain tumor that suddenly left her partially paralyzed. The vet very helpfully said that she probably wasn't in pain, per se, but that the paralysis was probably very confusing for her. I could see that in her. We had the option of waiting to see what would happen—apparently sometimes problems caused by tumors like that (or whatever it was) can ebb and flow—but after three days of her condition progressively worsening the right thing to do was very, very clear. I would say that, in your situation, there is no extreme urgency. You *can* wait, and that may help you get a better feel for how urgent kitty's need for release is.
Should you get there, I will say that we opted to bring my girl home and have a mobile vet come and let us say goodbye at home. That was so, so much better. We got to spend a few hours lying in the clover, in her favorite sunny spot. We got to let her smell her favorite treats, and watch/listen to her ball bouncing. We got to talk to her in all her favorite voices, and hug her throughout the process.
My heart goes out to you all.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 9:54 AM on August 29, 2019
Should you get there, I will say that we opted to bring my girl home and have a mobile vet come and let us say goodbye at home. That was so, so much better. We got to spend a few hours lying in the clover, in her favorite sunny spot. We got to let her smell her favorite treats, and watch/listen to her ball bouncing. We got to talk to her in all her favorite voices, and hug her throughout the process.
My heart goes out to you all.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 9:54 AM on August 29, 2019
I'm so sorry for you, but I would echo the others who say that it's time. She is in pain and distress, and you are doing the kindest thing for her even though it's also the hardest.
Definitely use an at-home service if that's available, for your own benefit as well as hers. I've had to euthanize two senior dogs in the past three months, one at the emergency vet in the middle of the night in a frenzy of distress, and one at home in a peaceful moment on the bed with quiet music playing. The difference was so striking that I am literally shaking and crying over the memory while I am typing this sentence.
You and sweet Mymble are in my thoughts.
posted by mccxxiii at 9:55 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
Definitely use an at-home service if that's available, for your own benefit as well as hers. I've had to euthanize two senior dogs in the past three months, one at the emergency vet in the middle of the night in a frenzy of distress, and one at home in a peaceful moment on the bed with quiet music playing. The difference was so striking that I am literally shaking and crying over the memory while I am typing this sentence.
You and sweet Mymble are in my thoughts.
posted by mccxxiii at 9:55 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thank you all for your kind and compassionate answers. I think I asked this question already knowing what the right answer is, but just needed to hear that yes, you're doing the right thing, especially from people who have been through something similar. Thank you.
posted by Balthamos at 10:25 AM on August 29, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by Balthamos at 10:25 AM on August 29, 2019 [7 favorites]
You are doing the right thing. I babied an elderly arthritic cat for quite a while through painkiller changes that kept him slow/wobbly but mobile. He still liked eating and drinking and still came to us for comfort. The last few days of his life, he suddenly got much less mobile, clearly was no longer as comforted by being with us, and started to lose interest in his food/water, upping the painkillers didn't help, and I knew it was time. It sounds to me like that's where your cat is at now.
There are cats who can enjoy a good quality of life while mostly-immobile. I have a friend now who's taking care of her cat who's no longer mobile, but has more or less trained her to take him to the box or to his food, and the rest of the time he sits out in their garden or on their couch and enjoys the sun and seems to be happy as a clam. But that wasn't my cat, and it doesn't sound like it's your cat.
Letting them go when it's time, as peacefully and easily as we can, is the last act of love we can perform for our pets. Doing it is absolutely the right thing to do, and if you know it's going to be soon, then it's better for your cat for it to be a day too soon than a day too late.
Not that any of it makes it easier. I'm so sorry for your grief and loss.
posted by Stacey at 11:18 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
There are cats who can enjoy a good quality of life while mostly-immobile. I have a friend now who's taking care of her cat who's no longer mobile, but has more or less trained her to take him to the box or to his food, and the rest of the time he sits out in their garden or on their couch and enjoys the sun and seems to be happy as a clam. But that wasn't my cat, and it doesn't sound like it's your cat.
Letting them go when it's time, as peacefully and easily as we can, is the last act of love we can perform for our pets. Doing it is absolutely the right thing to do, and if you know it's going to be soon, then it's better for your cat for it to be a day too soon than a day too late.
Not that any of it makes it easier. I'm so sorry for your grief and loss.
posted by Stacey at 11:18 AM on August 29, 2019 [1 favorite]
Yes...I went through this earlier in the year. My pet wanted to do stuff - she tried very hard - but her body was failing and she was in pain. I realized that when I could not help her engage in the activities she so much wanted to do, simple things like using the litterbox, eating, and playing, that her life was basically over already and it was no kindness to keep her in that state.
We make a promise to provide them with good lives, part of that promise is to help them go when the life cannot be good. You're okay.
posted by epanalepsis at 12:18 PM on August 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
We make a promise to provide them with good lives, part of that promise is to help them go when the life cannot be good. You're okay.
posted by epanalepsis at 12:18 PM on August 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
We went through this last week: our 16-year-old cat's kidneys failed, and while the vet let us know there was the option of a lot of medical intervention, it only might work, and it would give her weeks, not months or years. We made the choice to let her go rather than put her through a lot of terrifying medical intervention that she would never be able to understand and would hate, just for our emotional benefit.
So yes: I'm another voice saying that in your position I'd be making that choice, and I share your grief.
posted by telophase at 12:39 PM on August 29, 2019
So yes: I'm another voice saying that in your position I'd be making that choice, and I share your grief.
posted by telophase at 12:39 PM on August 29, 2019
It's been mentioned above, but if at all possible, have the vet come to you. Being in a familiar safe place with the humans that love her is the greatest gift you can give her at this point. I wish you peace and send hugs and scritches for your girl.
posted by LaBellaStella at 1:45 PM on August 29, 2019
posted by LaBellaStella at 1:45 PM on August 29, 2019
Get in touch with the saintly people at Laps of Love. They will come to your home. You can get a sedative from your regular vet to administer prior to the house call, which I highly recommend for a cat that hates handling, let alone by strangers.
Here is LoL's "How Do I Know ..." page.
Best wishes to you all -- I am so sorry! Quite dusty in here ...
posted by jgirl at 2:29 PM on August 29, 2019
Here is LoL's "How Do I Know ..." page.
Best wishes to you all -- I am so sorry! Quite dusty in here ...
posted by jgirl at 2:29 PM on August 29, 2019
Lots of good advice here.
In the meantime - it's OK to stop catching the kitty and just put the buprenorphine on her food.
It's correct that it absorbs most directly when squirted on the gums.
Given what's going on, it's totally ok to give it by putting it on food. It doesn't taste bad, and will still do its work. IAAV/IANYV/YV will confirm.
posted by dum spiro spero at 11:55 AM on August 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
In the meantime - it's OK to stop catching the kitty and just put the buprenorphine on her food.
It's correct that it absorbs most directly when squirted on the gums.
Given what's going on, it's totally ok to give it by putting it on food. It doesn't taste bad, and will still do its work. IAAV/IANYV/YV will confirm.
posted by dum spiro spero at 11:55 AM on August 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Balthamos at 8:50 AM on August 29, 2019