Does this mean I need to get a haircut?
May 22, 2019 8:24 PM Subscribe
I was told that the next job I want to get will be looking for someone polished. I am not polished. Can I polish cheaply, quickly and regularly?
I had a really nice meeting with a recruiter today and she said that the place that she was recruiting for was looking for someone really polished. I don't think she was trying in indicate anything specifically negative about me, but I have to be real that I am NOT polished in anyway. I'm realizing that the next big career jump will require some polishing. How can I do this?
About me now:
Clothing: Currently it is yoga pants and sneakers to work. I mostly get (and can only afford) discount Gap clothing. I don't have time for vintage or second hand clothing shopping. I can't do dry cleaning (again, time and money). I can't do heels - even clogs are a problem (almost breaking my ankle) and ballet flats have no support (again almost breaking my ankle). The X factor in all of this, is that I am a mess when it comes to coffee and tomato sauce (I intentionally get dark colors to cover the coffee stains) and I have small children who have sticky hands that will destroy anything nice I try to wear.
Make-up: No make-up - very sensitive skin makes me breakout even with "sensitive skin make up". I don't get my nails done - I don't have time or money to do it, doing it at home is fine, but I don't have time to get the nail polish off regularly so it ends up looking messy within a few days.
Hair: I get my haircut once every two months and it looks clean and together. I don't have time to blow dry, and I can't use product (bad hair type for product) and again my skin will break out into a rash. Also, I'm graying - which is fine, but since I'm not graying in a distinctive or intentional kind of way, I imagine it doesn't look polished. I can't afford to get my hair colored regularly.
Hygiene: I shower daily and use a nice scented body spray. Brush teeth - have good dental care, etc. etc.
If I was a man, I feel like I could put on a button down shirt, chinos and loafers and be done. For women, I feel like it is a lot harder.
Is there a cheap, easy and fast(!!) way to look polished?
I want to highlight that I have very little time and very little money to put towards this regularly.
I had a really nice meeting with a recruiter today and she said that the place that she was recruiting for was looking for someone really polished. I don't think she was trying in indicate anything specifically negative about me, but I have to be real that I am NOT polished in anyway. I'm realizing that the next big career jump will require some polishing. How can I do this?
About me now:
Clothing: Currently it is yoga pants and sneakers to work. I mostly get (and can only afford) discount Gap clothing. I don't have time for vintage or second hand clothing shopping. I can't do dry cleaning (again, time and money). I can't do heels - even clogs are a problem (almost breaking my ankle) and ballet flats have no support (again almost breaking my ankle). The X factor in all of this, is that I am a mess when it comes to coffee and tomato sauce (I intentionally get dark colors to cover the coffee stains) and I have small children who have sticky hands that will destroy anything nice I try to wear.
Make-up: No make-up - very sensitive skin makes me breakout even with "sensitive skin make up". I don't get my nails done - I don't have time or money to do it, doing it at home is fine, but I don't have time to get the nail polish off regularly so it ends up looking messy within a few days.
Hair: I get my haircut once every two months and it looks clean and together. I don't have time to blow dry, and I can't use product (bad hair type for product) and again my skin will break out into a rash. Also, I'm graying - which is fine, but since I'm not graying in a distinctive or intentional kind of way, I imagine it doesn't look polished. I can't afford to get my hair colored regularly.
Hygiene: I shower daily and use a nice scented body spray. Brush teeth - have good dental care, etc. etc.
If I was a man, I feel like I could put on a button down shirt, chinos and loafers and be done. For women, I feel like it is a lot harder.
Is there a cheap, easy and fast(!!) way to look polished?
I want to highlight that I have very little time and very little money to put towards this regularly.
Lemme address the easier stuff. With some guidance, you can put together a capsule polished work wardrobe in your parameters on a budget. It will take either some time or a friend but basically you need 2 blazers, a few black and grey skirts/slacks (skirts are way easier to source second hand), several tops, tights, and the right flats. Add a couple scarves or thrift store statement necklaces. The tricks are one, take time to find things that fit right and two, change clothes after you drop the kids off, change back before you pick them up. You can keep a blazer at your office if you have your own space, black, throw it on for meetings.
Use only a travel coffee mug with a good lid (Contigo) when in work wear and pack lunch strategically. Nothing that stains.
Hair: if your current regime looks together, great, done. I would suggest getting up 5-10 min earlier to blow dry if needed; it’s so hard I know but it’s an investment in your career. Otherwise maybe a super short cut but get it trimmed more often, or go long and pull back. If you can, get your eyebrows shaped.
Nails: do the cuticles and shape/buff/ file, maybe a clear nail polish.
Makeup, let it go. If you can manage mascara that helps.
posted by warriorqueen at 8:43 PM on May 22, 2019 [5 favorites]
Use only a travel coffee mug with a good lid (Contigo) when in work wear and pack lunch strategically. Nothing that stains.
Hair: if your current regime looks together, great, done. I would suggest getting up 5-10 min earlier to blow dry if needed; it’s so hard I know but it’s an investment in your career. Otherwise maybe a super short cut but get it trimmed more often, or go long and pull back. If you can, get your eyebrows shaped.
Nails: do the cuticles and shape/buff/ file, maybe a clear nail polish.
Makeup, let it go. If you can manage mascara that helps.
posted by warriorqueen at 8:43 PM on May 22, 2019 [5 favorites]
Okay second, it does suck. I hear you on the time/money. Everything I am about to say sucks and comes from my experience which also sucks. The money could well be a hard ceiling, and that’s just what it is. But the time is something where I wonder if you wanted to get a job that required 15 minutes extra reading a day, or listening to interviews or something, whether you would cut your career goals off. Or is it that you (like me!) have a righteous anger that this stuff is necessary and so you have time in your mind that you just /won’t/ add onto.
And look, I feel you. I worked for a fashion-forward industry while my toddler son had a phobia of the hairdryer. I made different choices at different times. Sometimes my career suffered, sometimes I did. It sucks how I still have to blow dry my hair.
But be aware that it is a career choice, like that 15 minutes of reading. You can find your line but what you probably can’t get is polished with zero time and money added to your current habits. Some of it gets easier, some doesn’t. I support you fully whichever way you go.
posted by warriorqueen at 8:57 PM on May 22, 2019 [28 favorites]
And look, I feel you. I worked for a fashion-forward industry while my toddler son had a phobia of the hairdryer. I made different choices at different times. Sometimes my career suffered, sometimes I did. It sucks how I still have to blow dry my hair.
But be aware that it is a career choice, like that 15 minutes of reading. You can find your line but what you probably can’t get is polished with zero time and money added to your current habits. Some of it gets easier, some doesn’t. I support you fully whichever way you go.
posted by warriorqueen at 8:57 PM on May 22, 2019 [28 favorites]
Blow dry hair. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't but the difference is dramatic. Eye liner if you can't do mascars. Line your lips. Shaped eyebrows. Buffed nails with trimmed cuticles. (You can buff your nails without the attention and time commitment required for even clear polish, and there's no chipping/removal to contend with.) Once you find your groove you can do this in under 15 minutes, if you're so inclined.
posted by kate4914 at 9:26 PM on May 22, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by kate4914 at 9:26 PM on May 22, 2019 [5 favorites]
Is there a cheap, easy and fast(!!) way to look polished?
The answers above for specifics are great, and I'm sure more are coming. I just want to pipe in that generally, no, there aren't cheap, easy, and fast ways to look polished. The point of polish is to separate those who have money from those who don't. (And time and effort are really just other ways to calculate money. Those without money generally do not have extra time to do extensive personal grooming.) This shit is utterly a class divide, and it sucks.
So yeah, you're going to have to decide if it's worth it to you to put in some extra time and effort, especially if money is fixed.
Also, keep a lint remover in your car or bag. I can look lint-free when I leave the house and a lint-magnet when I walk in the door at work.
posted by greermahoney at 9:39 PM on May 22, 2019 [27 favorites]
The answers above for specifics are great, and I'm sure more are coming. I just want to pipe in that generally, no, there aren't cheap, easy, and fast ways to look polished. The point of polish is to separate those who have money from those who don't. (And time and effort are really just other ways to calculate money. Those without money generally do not have extra time to do extensive personal grooming.) This shit is utterly a class divide, and it sucks.
So yeah, you're going to have to decide if it's worth it to you to put in some extra time and effort, especially if money is fixed.
Also, keep a lint remover in your car or bag. I can look lint-free when I leave the house and a lint-magnet when I walk in the door at work.
posted by greermahoney at 9:39 PM on May 22, 2019 [27 favorites]
I’d personally take the route of “professional but kinda boring.”
If I was a man, I feel like I could put on a button down shirt, chinos and loafers and be done.
You can totally pull off a version of this, in dark colors, well tailored or at least versions that fit you well. I like Uniqlo’s slacks and shirts for this and they launder well.
Nails - keep em trimmed and clean. Clear polish of you can manage it.
I’d agree there’s no need for makeup, but pulling your hair back into whatever you consider a “neat” style could help.
posted by Pretty Good Talker at 9:59 PM on May 22, 2019 [2 favorites]
If I was a man, I feel like I could put on a button down shirt, chinos and loafers and be done.
You can totally pull off a version of this, in dark colors, well tailored or at least versions that fit you well. I like Uniqlo’s slacks and shirts for this and they launder well.
Nails - keep em trimmed and clean. Clear polish of you can manage it.
I’d agree there’s no need for makeup, but pulling your hair back into whatever you consider a “neat” style could help.
posted by Pretty Good Talker at 9:59 PM on May 22, 2019 [2 favorites]
Loafers for women are a thing. Something like these straddle the line between casual and office, so you can wear them with casual clothes to bump up your outfit a bit, or with slacks and a jacket without them sticking out.
For clothes I might invest in two or three blazers and/or cardigans, in dark neutral colors. You can wear them over your tops to cover all manner of sins/stains and they make you look much more put together. Just find one to start with. You might know someone who is similar in size to you who might have something to borrow at first, too. As long as your pants don't have rips or ragged cuffs and they're of a neutral color, changing them up won't make as much difference as putting on a fitted cardigan.
As for makeup, having some color on your lips can make the biggest impact. Try a tinted lip balm - the burt's bees ones have nice colors that don't fight most skin tones and cost about $5. They're translucent enough that you don't have to worry about getting clean edges or anything.
In terms of hair, you might consider getting it cut very short so it dries really fast and you can style it quickly? Getting a good short cut can be expensive of course. If it's long enough, practice putting it into a neat bun. It shouldn't take too long to get the hang of it if you have average manual dexterity and the only thing you need is bobby pins. You might also be able to switch when you wash your hair. Could you wash it at night and blow dry it then? Wake up in the morning and give it a few spritzes with a spray bottle of water and brush it smooth, it should dry really fast.
This is absolutely a class thing and a patriarchy thing and it sucks. I wish you luck in navigating this thorny issue.
posted by Mizu at 10:02 PM on May 22, 2019 [4 favorites]
For clothes I might invest in two or three blazers and/or cardigans, in dark neutral colors. You can wear them over your tops to cover all manner of sins/stains and they make you look much more put together. Just find one to start with. You might know someone who is similar in size to you who might have something to borrow at first, too. As long as your pants don't have rips or ragged cuffs and they're of a neutral color, changing them up won't make as much difference as putting on a fitted cardigan.
As for makeup, having some color on your lips can make the biggest impact. Try a tinted lip balm - the burt's bees ones have nice colors that don't fight most skin tones and cost about $5. They're translucent enough that you don't have to worry about getting clean edges or anything.
In terms of hair, you might consider getting it cut very short so it dries really fast and you can style it quickly? Getting a good short cut can be expensive of course. If it's long enough, practice putting it into a neat bun. It shouldn't take too long to get the hang of it if you have average manual dexterity and the only thing you need is bobby pins. You might also be able to switch when you wash your hair. Could you wash it at night and blow dry it then? Wake up in the morning and give it a few spritzes with a spray bottle of water and brush it smooth, it should dry really fast.
This is absolutely a class thing and a patriarchy thing and it sucks. I wish you luck in navigating this thorny issue.
posted by Mizu at 10:02 PM on May 22, 2019 [4 favorites]
Ask the recruiter. She can probably answer what 'polished' means better than anyone here.
posted by Hatashran at 10:06 PM on May 22, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by Hatashran at 10:06 PM on May 22, 2019 [8 favorites]
Can you ask the recruiter to be more specific? If it's client-facing or leadership, it may go beyond appearance and refer to "presence"...meaning how do you command attention, handle pressure gracefully, exhibit gravitas, connect with others, etc.
posted by hampanda at 10:50 PM on May 22, 2019 [18 favorites]
posted by hampanda at 10:50 PM on May 22, 2019 [18 favorites]
You could easily do solid colors with accessories - like black shirt, black slacks, maybe a blazer, shoes, not sneakers and a necklace and/or matching earrings and a good haircut . I feel like necklaces and earrings in good taste sort of signal that willingness to be part of that polished corporate look. (I’m pretty unpolished and I’m fortunate to not be in a job where I need to be, but this is my observation).
posted by gt2 at 11:22 PM on May 22, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by gt2 at 11:22 PM on May 22, 2019 [1 favorite]
I hear you! It's bullshit, but like someone already said, it's what you (sometimes) need to do for your career.
For an instant upgrade over yoga pants and sneakers, go with ankle boots and dark skinny jeans, add a blazer and a statement necklace or a scarf. Replace ankle boots with low-heeled ballet flats for summer - you can find styles with more support. Try out kitten heels or low platform shoes.
Don't eat/drink on the go, use napkins in your lap or over your chest to minimize stains. Kids don't get to touch mama with sticky hands, sorry kids. (I have two small kids and I carry wet wipes everywhere and I only hug my kids after changing out of office clothes.)
Shape your eyebrows! It has a huge impact for less than 5 minutes of your time once a week or so.
Choose someone you admire for their polished-ness and try to keep them in your mind - "what would female CEO/businesswoman/public figure do?"
posted by gakiko at 11:50 PM on May 22, 2019 [5 favorites]
For an instant upgrade over yoga pants and sneakers, go with ankle boots and dark skinny jeans, add a blazer and a statement necklace or a scarf. Replace ankle boots with low-heeled ballet flats for summer - you can find styles with more support. Try out kitten heels or low platform shoes.
Don't eat/drink on the go, use napkins in your lap or over your chest to minimize stains. Kids don't get to touch mama with sticky hands, sorry kids. (I have two small kids and I carry wet wipes everywhere and I only hug my kids after changing out of office clothes.)
Shape your eyebrows! It has a huge impact for less than 5 minutes of your time once a week or so.
Choose someone you admire for their polished-ness and try to keep them in your mind - "what would female CEO/businesswoman/public figure do?"
posted by gakiko at 11:50 PM on May 22, 2019 [5 favorites]
I assume you have the level of professional polish in your work and could Le do the job. So you just have to look like you do (to these people).
You can look a version of polished while wearing comfortable flat shoes and minimal make up. But it will take some money to get the right things, and some time to keep it up. An example is a work appropriate knit dress, blazer and brogues, plus lip gloss and some jewellery. You would need to have your hair look professional either by styling it somewhat or by getting more frequent cuts of a style that looks good as wash and wear.
If this would be a good career move, 1 interview outfit and a decent amount of grooming for a day is a reasonable investment. Then if they offer you the job take into account whether you want to maintain the level of polish they are looking for.
posted by plonkee at 12:31 AM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
You can look a version of polished while wearing comfortable flat shoes and minimal make up. But it will take some money to get the right things, and some time to keep it up. An example is a work appropriate knit dress, blazer and brogues, plus lip gloss and some jewellery. You would need to have your hair look professional either by styling it somewhat or by getting more frequent cuts of a style that looks good as wash and wear.
If this would be a good career move, 1 interview outfit and a decent amount of grooming for a day is a reasonable investment. Then if they offer you the job take into account whether you want to maintain the level of polish they are looking for.
posted by plonkee at 12:31 AM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
I'll admit up front to being slightly puzzled about your field, where you'd be wearing yoga pants, stained clothing, and sneakers to work, yet be dealing with recruiters. Something techy and West Coast, I'm guessing? Anyway, what "polished" requires varies considerably from field to field and job environment to job environment. What I'm going to say below (except the body spray!) is aimed at sort of the more casual and inexpensive end of an East Coast business casual look in an ordinary professional environment, but you may need to adjust based on your knowledge of your exact circumstances.
So, echoing everyone about the arbitrary and tedious nature of this stuff...
I'll lead with the one exception to "arbitrary." Drop the body spray, please! Not only does it not read as polished, you are almost certainly giving some poor coworker a headache every time she's in the elevator with you. If you shower regularly and wear regularly-laundered clothing, you don't have a noticeable scent unless someone is much closer to you than any other adult should be at work.
The clothes have got to be unstained. That one's not negotiable. Change in the office bathroom if you have to. Stop eating foods at work you can't keep off yourself. Whatever you have to do. They should also be relatively unwrinkled.
This next one is hard for most people, even on a less tight budget, but you need to look for clothing that is reasonably fitted but not clingy. That disqualifies most yoga pants. Even jeans are better (with the caveat that they wouldn't be business casual where I work). Blacks and greys are fine. (All black is a bit severe, but I say that wearing all black at least twice a week...just have to be comfortable with the impression you're giving.) For colors, at least figure out whether your undertones are warm or cool and choose colors to suit. Neutrals give you more bang for your buck because you can wear them with many other pieces (e.g., black pants will go with almost any top that's not actually neon-colored), which is both cheaper and easier to deal with in the morning. Conservative neckline on your sweaters and shirts. Winter is easier than summer: merino sweaters on sale from Uniqlo for $20 if you time it right. In the summer you can probably get away with dark-colored t-shirts that are more "slim cut." If you're wearing button-downs, make sure there's no gapping at the bosom. Again, you can get cotton or wool cardigans from Uniqlo for relatively little...they're nothing special but they'll get the job done. They will help make the outfit feel a bit more pulled together than just two pieces would be while warding off the air-conditioning.
Flats = oxfords or loafers or (more casually) ankle boots, worn with inexpensive (e.g., Target) trouser socks. You can definitely get them without heels and relatively inexpensively. However, these work best with pants, not skirts. I wear ballet flats with skirts. Any other kind of flat with a skirt or dress can get a little Sister Mary Ignatius to my eye, but I admit that may just be a personal prejudice.
Jewelry: be conservative. I find even things sold at midmarket stores as "statement pieces" to mostly make the statement "I like awkward, gaudy jewelry." And the more limited your budget, the bigger the risk. So don't try to make a statement. Depending on your color preferences, you can wear one small pair of gold (warm) or sterling silver (cool) studs day in, day out, without anyone registering it. Necklace styles come and go, but a simple pendant on a ~18" chain will never look weird and I think is especially helpful in the summer if you're resorting to (nicer) t-shirts. Again, if it's plain enough you don't need to worry about wearing it too frequently. But really it's only earrings you can't dispense with. I suspect scarves will be too much trouble for your lifestyle, especially with the small grabby kid hands, but if you try them, go for solid colors or subdued patterns. They can be an inexpensive way to add a little more color or texture to a plain outfit.
Nails neatly trimmed and buffed/with clear polish. Eyebrows are a huge pain and probably too time-consuming for your routine (five minutes a week? what is you folks' miracle secret???), but at least make sure there's no unibrow and that they're not merging with your hairline at the temple.
Mascara can be quite inexpensive (under $10 for something that lasts you six months) and doesn't take very long at all to put on. If you don't want color on your face, at least make sure your lips are moisturized and as non-flaky as possible (sometimes the weather just doesn't cooperate, I know). Lip balm is cheap, too.
(Don't forget the sunscreen...)
posted by praemunire at 12:35 AM on May 23, 2019 [11 favorites]
So, echoing everyone about the arbitrary and tedious nature of this stuff...
I'll lead with the one exception to "arbitrary." Drop the body spray, please! Not only does it not read as polished, you are almost certainly giving some poor coworker a headache every time she's in the elevator with you. If you shower regularly and wear regularly-laundered clothing, you don't have a noticeable scent unless someone is much closer to you than any other adult should be at work.
The clothes have got to be unstained. That one's not negotiable. Change in the office bathroom if you have to. Stop eating foods at work you can't keep off yourself. Whatever you have to do. They should also be relatively unwrinkled.
This next one is hard for most people, even on a less tight budget, but you need to look for clothing that is reasonably fitted but not clingy. That disqualifies most yoga pants. Even jeans are better (with the caveat that they wouldn't be business casual where I work). Blacks and greys are fine. (All black is a bit severe, but I say that wearing all black at least twice a week...just have to be comfortable with the impression you're giving.) For colors, at least figure out whether your undertones are warm or cool and choose colors to suit. Neutrals give you more bang for your buck because you can wear them with many other pieces (e.g., black pants will go with almost any top that's not actually neon-colored), which is both cheaper and easier to deal with in the morning. Conservative neckline on your sweaters and shirts. Winter is easier than summer: merino sweaters on sale from Uniqlo for $20 if you time it right. In the summer you can probably get away with dark-colored t-shirts that are more "slim cut." If you're wearing button-downs, make sure there's no gapping at the bosom. Again, you can get cotton or wool cardigans from Uniqlo for relatively little...they're nothing special but they'll get the job done. They will help make the outfit feel a bit more pulled together than just two pieces would be while warding off the air-conditioning.
Flats = oxfords or loafers or (more casually) ankle boots, worn with inexpensive (e.g., Target) trouser socks. You can definitely get them without heels and relatively inexpensively. However, these work best with pants, not skirts. I wear ballet flats with skirts. Any other kind of flat with a skirt or dress can get a little Sister Mary Ignatius to my eye, but I admit that may just be a personal prejudice.
Jewelry: be conservative. I find even things sold at midmarket stores as "statement pieces" to mostly make the statement "I like awkward, gaudy jewelry." And the more limited your budget, the bigger the risk. So don't try to make a statement. Depending on your color preferences, you can wear one small pair of gold (warm) or sterling silver (cool) studs day in, day out, without anyone registering it. Necklace styles come and go, but a simple pendant on a ~18" chain will never look weird and I think is especially helpful in the summer if you're resorting to (nicer) t-shirts. Again, if it's plain enough you don't need to worry about wearing it too frequently. But really it's only earrings you can't dispense with. I suspect scarves will be too much trouble for your lifestyle, especially with the small grabby kid hands, but if you try them, go for solid colors or subdued patterns. They can be an inexpensive way to add a little more color or texture to a plain outfit.
Nails neatly trimmed and buffed/with clear polish. Eyebrows are a huge pain and probably too time-consuming for your routine (five minutes a week? what is you folks' miracle secret???), but at least make sure there's no unibrow and that they're not merging with your hairline at the temple.
Mascara can be quite inexpensive (under $10 for something that lasts you six months) and doesn't take very long at all to put on. If you don't want color on your face, at least make sure your lips are moisturized and as non-flaky as possible (sometimes the weather just doesn't cooperate, I know). Lip balm is cheap, too.
(Don't forget the sunscreen...)
posted by praemunire at 12:35 AM on May 23, 2019 [11 favorites]
Sorry yoga pants and sneakers are not polished. Those have to be replaced. If your budget is discount Gap, check out Old Navy. If you are currently working somewhere that is as casual as yoga pants and sneakers you’ll do fine with Old Navy and get more for your money during the sales. Dresses are easiest to look polished in but try to get more solid coloured ones as they can be worn more often. Get a pair of fitted black, navy and khaki pants. Get tops in whatever style suits you best, just stick to solid colours. Mix and match.
No stains! Stop drinking coffee if you have to! Stick to water and catch up on coffee on the weekends. Same with ketchup and jam or whatever you get stained. Sorry this is non-negotiable, no stains. Keep a packet of stain wipes in your purse for emergencies.
Do you have a decent purse? Sorry this is another gendered thing that is necessary for polish. Go to Ross. Maybe even Target. Get something very basic. Handbag or tote, not cross body. No embroidery or studs. Should look like leather even if it’s not.
Spend money on good flats that work for your needs. I’ve actually been pleasantly surprised with some of the styles at Ecco. But they still have kinda ugly stuff too so if you have a friend you can quickly ask for their opinion that would be very helpful. Stick with something basic in style and shape so you can wear with a variety of outfits. If you can, get one pair of ballet type flats and one pair of ankle boots. That should cover you for a majority of your outfits.
Hair sounds like you’re ok but I’d consider doing a wash of color at home. You can just do touch ups after the first one using an old toothbrush. Just mix a portion of the activating agents (do not save the solution after mixing!) to make one box last two touch ups. I do this, it works!
Nails, keep them short and clean. I wouldn’t even worry about polish in your circumstances. Just clean and even length.
For jewellery I agree, silver or gold studs and a simple pendant. You could also do tiny hoops if you find that more comfortable.
For skin make sure you are well moisturised. I know you have sensitive skin but dry patchy skin should be avoided. Have you tried Cerave? I know you probably tried everything but I think this is the first basic step and would make a difference. Shave your upper lip hair with a Japanese face razor (very safe and cheap for a pack of 3). If your eyelashes are dark don’t worry about mascara. But if they are light I would try dark brown on them to frame and focus on your eyes. Finish with a tinted lip balm. Easy to apply and a touch of color goes a long way.
posted by like_neon at 1:59 AM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
No stains! Stop drinking coffee if you have to! Stick to water and catch up on coffee on the weekends. Same with ketchup and jam or whatever you get stained. Sorry this is non-negotiable, no stains. Keep a packet of stain wipes in your purse for emergencies.
Do you have a decent purse? Sorry this is another gendered thing that is necessary for polish. Go to Ross. Maybe even Target. Get something very basic. Handbag or tote, not cross body. No embroidery or studs. Should look like leather even if it’s not.
Spend money on good flats that work for your needs. I’ve actually been pleasantly surprised with some of the styles at Ecco. But they still have kinda ugly stuff too so if you have a friend you can quickly ask for their opinion that would be very helpful. Stick with something basic in style and shape so you can wear with a variety of outfits. If you can, get one pair of ballet type flats and one pair of ankle boots. That should cover you for a majority of your outfits.
Hair sounds like you’re ok but I’d consider doing a wash of color at home. You can just do touch ups after the first one using an old toothbrush. Just mix a portion of the activating agents (do not save the solution after mixing!) to make one box last two touch ups. I do this, it works!
Nails, keep them short and clean. I wouldn’t even worry about polish in your circumstances. Just clean and even length.
For jewellery I agree, silver or gold studs and a simple pendant. You could also do tiny hoops if you find that more comfortable.
For skin make sure you are well moisturised. I know you have sensitive skin but dry patchy skin should be avoided. Have you tried Cerave? I know you probably tried everything but I think this is the first basic step and would make a difference. Shave your upper lip hair with a Japanese face razor (very safe and cheap for a pack of 3). If your eyelashes are dark don’t worry about mascara. But if they are light I would try dark brown on them to frame and focus on your eyes. Finish with a tinted lip balm. Easy to apply and a touch of color goes a long way.
posted by like_neon at 1:59 AM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
Also this may be a bit too out there for you but I have always been intrigued by the idea idea of a professional uniform, particularly for women! I know many exec men who do this (think something like Steve Jobs and his black turtleneck and jeans). I can’t find it now but there was an article a few years back interviewing a woman in the creative industry who just wore a white shirt and black trousers every single day. She had a little black ribbon on her collar as a touch of whimsy and style. Similar for the ex CEO of Polyvore. She had such a specific uniform her employees pranked her one year by dressing like her.
If you like this idea (and I love it) you first need to nail the look and buy 5 of the tops, maybe 3 bottoms and two shoes to get you through the week. If it’s a dress just 5 of the same dress. It would be a chunk of investment upfront but like it would all be from the same place (maybe try Uniqlo?) and you’d be done and no more thinking about it.
I have to admit it does take a little bit of aplomb and confidence to pull it off but I’d certainly admire you and not question you being polished (assuming everything is clean and not wrinkled etc).
posted by like_neon at 2:07 AM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
If you like this idea (and I love it) you first need to nail the look and buy 5 of the tops, maybe 3 bottoms and two shoes to get you through the week. If it’s a dress just 5 of the same dress. It would be a chunk of investment upfront but like it would all be from the same place (maybe try Uniqlo?) and you’d be done and no more thinking about it.
I have to admit it does take a little bit of aplomb and confidence to pull it off but I’d certainly admire you and not question you being polished (assuming everything is clean and not wrinkled etc).
posted by like_neon at 2:07 AM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
My suggestions would be:
* No more yoga pants. Wear straight-leg black or grey jeans.
* Pair the jeans with things like shirts/blouses, basic tops, cardigans, sweaters.
* Comfortable work appropriate shoes do exist. Try to find a nice pair of comfortable oxfords. If you can't find them, at least make sure the sneakers are simple and stylish. Something like Supergas or Chuck Taylors where the whole shoe is black.
* Don't worry about nail polish. It's better to have no nail polish than chipped nail polish. Just make sure that your nails are neat and that your hands are not dry.
* Consider getting your eyebrows done. Try to find a good place to get them threaded where they will remove just enough hair, but not too much. Please don't get them too thin!
* My extremely simple face routine: day cream with SPF, blush or bronzer on the "high" areas of the face (cheekbones, bridge of nose, centre of chin and forehead), and eyebrow mascara.
posted by kinddieserzeit at 2:29 AM on May 23, 2019
* No more yoga pants. Wear straight-leg black or grey jeans.
* Pair the jeans with things like shirts/blouses, basic tops, cardigans, sweaters.
* Comfortable work appropriate shoes do exist. Try to find a nice pair of comfortable oxfords. If you can't find them, at least make sure the sneakers are simple and stylish. Something like Supergas or Chuck Taylors where the whole shoe is black.
* Don't worry about nail polish. It's better to have no nail polish than chipped nail polish. Just make sure that your nails are neat and that your hands are not dry.
* Consider getting your eyebrows done. Try to find a good place to get them threaded where they will remove just enough hair, but not too much. Please don't get them too thin!
* My extremely simple face routine: day cream with SPF, blush or bronzer on the "high" areas of the face (cheekbones, bridge of nose, centre of chin and forehead), and eyebrow mascara.
posted by kinddieserzeit at 2:29 AM on May 23, 2019
As you can tell from this thread there is a huge range of what is considered ‘polished’ in different environments and if the aim is to apply for a specific job or type of job you really need the recruiter to be a lot more specific about the culture of that organisation.
Having said that - polished will always exclude stained clothes, yoga pants and sneakers as well as ill fitting clothes. It will also always exclude chipped nail polish and messy hair.
So, without spending any money, remove any chipped polish, make sure your nails are an even length and clean and change out of any stained clothes. Identify anything in your wardrobe that does not fit and put it in a section of your wardrobe that will be known as ‘don’t wear to work’ section. I hear you on the stains as a large chested person and in winter, I deliberately limit myself to scarfs I can wear indoors as well so I can take them off when consuming food and drinks so I can later use them to cover stains if required. Just drink water and don’t eat things that are likely to drip etc.
You will need to find time and money to buy your new work uniform. If you don’t have a lot of money it will take more time. Whilst you get the recruiter to be a bit more specific give some consideration to what might work for you in terms of style. Work out what simple jewellery you might like. And yes, mascara, shaped lightly defined brows and tinted lip balm. If your visible skin is dry or flaky moisturise.
posted by koahiatamadl at 2:44 AM on May 23, 2019 [3 favorites]
Having said that - polished will always exclude stained clothes, yoga pants and sneakers as well as ill fitting clothes. It will also always exclude chipped nail polish and messy hair.
So, without spending any money, remove any chipped polish, make sure your nails are an even length and clean and change out of any stained clothes. Identify anything in your wardrobe that does not fit and put it in a section of your wardrobe that will be known as ‘don’t wear to work’ section. I hear you on the stains as a large chested person and in winter, I deliberately limit myself to scarfs I can wear indoors as well so I can take them off when consuming food and drinks so I can later use them to cover stains if required. Just drink water and don’t eat things that are likely to drip etc.
You will need to find time and money to buy your new work uniform. If you don’t have a lot of money it will take more time. Whilst you get the recruiter to be a bit more specific give some consideration to what might work for you in terms of style. Work out what simple jewellery you might like. And yes, mascara, shaped lightly defined brows and tinted lip balm. If your visible skin is dry or flaky moisturise.
posted by koahiatamadl at 2:44 AM on May 23, 2019 [3 favorites]
Go to Sephora and have them help you pick out a good everyday lipstick color. Something that isn't too bright but looks like you are wearing lipstick.Just wearing lipstick and no other makeup can look super chic.
Check out Poshmark (an app) for clothing and shoes. It's all used/and resold items. But you search and only see items in your size which takes the time out of thrifting.
posted by KMoney at 3:50 AM on May 23, 2019
Check out Poshmark (an app) for clothing and shoes. It's all used/and resold items. But you search and only see items in your size which takes the time out of thrifting.
posted by KMoney at 3:50 AM on May 23, 2019
"Polished," I've found, can also be code for "lose some weight," which is bullshit - but bias against overweight people (women) is also a reality in some industries.
posted by Sweetie Darling at 3:59 AM on May 23, 2019 [12 favorites]
posted by Sweetie Darling at 3:59 AM on May 23, 2019 [12 favorites]
JCrew factory has some really good pieces available for cheap! I think they do well in this polished category.
posted by raccoon409 at 4:02 AM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by raccoon409 at 4:02 AM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
I agree w hampanda above - my exec bosses and I talk about “polish” in terms of hiring and promoting people in my org a lot and it is not really at all cosmetic. When we talk about whether someone is polished enough it is about a level of finesse interpersonally. It is about being able to gracefully, persuasively, articulately present to the C-Suite. It is about being masterfully gracious and unruffled by clients. It is an EQ thing and a gravitas thing and a public speaking thing and a commanding any kind of room thing and a bearing and carriage thing. Could we put this person in a room full of our top management? Could we put this person in a room full of rival top management? Could we put this person in a room of hostile journalists? Could we put this person on a stage to pitch an auditorium full of clients? Could this person lead an inspiring all-company presentation?
Polishing yourself up physically with clothes and makeup and shoes may help with the confidence and initial impression and unfortunately for women yes is part of the package but definitely ask your recruiter more what she meant by that word before you get yourself in a tizzy over blush and non stretchy pants.
Also I have young kids too but putting on my work clothes is THE VERY LAST thing I do in the morning and the VERY FIRST thing I do when I get home, they don’t really get much exposure to me when I’m wearing them.
posted by sestaaak at 4:09 AM on May 23, 2019 [17 favorites]
Polishing yourself up physically with clothes and makeup and shoes may help with the confidence and initial impression and unfortunately for women yes is part of the package but definitely ask your recruiter more what she meant by that word before you get yourself in a tizzy over blush and non stretchy pants.
Also I have young kids too but putting on my work clothes is THE VERY LAST thing I do in the morning and the VERY FIRST thing I do when I get home, they don’t really get much exposure to me when I’m wearing them.
posted by sestaaak at 4:09 AM on May 23, 2019 [17 favorites]
A smock apron before you leave the house might help with the stains. When I had tiny burp up milk babies I would get fully dressed from the waist down and just before I grabbed my coat put on my work shirt, cardigan, etc. When the kids turned into roaming toddlers gripping a damp well-sucked biscuit I would get fully dressed from the waist up and put my skirt or pants and shoes on just before I grabbed my coat and got out.
Try going to the thrift store and taking a couple of hours playing dress up to explore looks that would work for you. You might even find some clothes that could work, but meantime you can experiment with what kind of styles and shapes and fit work on your, and this will give you guidelines for shopping elsewhere. Take notes at the thrift store of brands and sizes, and describe the garments that seem to be a good idea.
Oxfords are a good shoe for you, combined with pants. Try that button down shirt that you mentioned when describing what guys could wear. A bonus of that kind of shirt is that you can put it on after your hair and such have been done, so it can be last minuted, or changed after the coffee slop.
The difference between sloppy and polished is often the fit. A shapeless shirt of the same sort as a well fitted shirt makes you look like you slept in it. Dress exactly like a man, but with feminine colours and accessories. The blazer over button down shirt over dress pants and oxfords is simple and proper, and if the blazer eclipse blue and the blouse is creamy tan and the trousers are pressed rose colour nobody is going to notice that it is the masculine style.
Take five minutes to drink the coffee where drinking the coffee is what you are doing, instead of multitasking with food and drink. If you have to do something else at the same time like remove the toddler from the laundry hamper, walk away from the coffee and then come back.
Take notes when you go to the mall underneath the office tower what polished looking people of your body type are wearing. You probably can't afford what they are wearing, but you can take note of general styles and trends that would work for you. If nobody is wearing a blazer, then you can confidently rule out blazers are part of your wardrobe instead of fretting about making an investment in one. If they are all wearing capris to the office, then you know that it is safe for you to do so also, if you can find a pair that look good and you want to do it.
posted by Jane the Brown at 4:26 AM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
Try going to the thrift store and taking a couple of hours playing dress up to explore looks that would work for you. You might even find some clothes that could work, but meantime you can experiment with what kind of styles and shapes and fit work on your, and this will give you guidelines for shopping elsewhere. Take notes at the thrift store of brands and sizes, and describe the garments that seem to be a good idea.
Oxfords are a good shoe for you, combined with pants. Try that button down shirt that you mentioned when describing what guys could wear. A bonus of that kind of shirt is that you can put it on after your hair and such have been done, so it can be last minuted, or changed after the coffee slop.
The difference between sloppy and polished is often the fit. A shapeless shirt of the same sort as a well fitted shirt makes you look like you slept in it. Dress exactly like a man, but with feminine colours and accessories. The blazer over button down shirt over dress pants and oxfords is simple and proper, and if the blazer eclipse blue and the blouse is creamy tan and the trousers are pressed rose colour nobody is going to notice that it is the masculine style.
Take five minutes to drink the coffee where drinking the coffee is what you are doing, instead of multitasking with food and drink. If you have to do something else at the same time like remove the toddler from the laundry hamper, walk away from the coffee and then come back.
Take notes when you go to the mall underneath the office tower what polished looking people of your body type are wearing. You probably can't afford what they are wearing, but you can take note of general styles and trends that would work for you. If nobody is wearing a blazer, then you can confidently rule out blazers are part of your wardrobe instead of fretting about making an investment in one. If they are all wearing capris to the office, then you know that it is safe for you to do so also, if you can find a pair that look good and you want to do it.
posted by Jane the Brown at 4:26 AM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
Cheap, easy, fast: pick two. It is extra effort, and yes, more is expected of women than men. That sucks. There are jobs where you don't need that extra polish. How badly do you want this one, now that you know that one of the requirements is to be polished? If you needed a different skill, speed reading or conflict negotiation or something, would you be willing to spend 15 minutes a day to get that skill for this job?
I get having small kids and being time and money poor. We are a single income household and my kids are under six. I feel like it added less than ten minutes to my average day to get more polished. An extra five minutes (really! just five!) every other day to blowdry my hair. Makeup takes me less than four minutes; I still wind up waiting for the coffee maker to finish. Nails get buffed to a shine or painted with clear polish once a week while doing something with my kids. Uniform-style capsule wardrobe so I'm not agonizing over what to wear every day but everything goes with everything else. That was the biggest time and money investment, which I did with a Macy's personal shopper over a few hours. And while I spent a lot of money, I got a lot of pieces, including lots of things that were on clearance ($10 jeans, yes!). And it's done and I don't have to do it again for a long time, at which point I will likely have either more time or more money to throw at it. But on a daily basis, really, it's a miniscule addition to my life. I cut out some Facebook in the mornings and found time for it.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 5:02 AM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
I get having small kids and being time and money poor. We are a single income household and my kids are under six. I feel like it added less than ten minutes to my average day to get more polished. An extra five minutes (really! just five!) every other day to blowdry my hair. Makeup takes me less than four minutes; I still wind up waiting for the coffee maker to finish. Nails get buffed to a shine or painted with clear polish once a week while doing something with my kids. Uniform-style capsule wardrobe so I'm not agonizing over what to wear every day but everything goes with everything else. That was the biggest time and money investment, which I did with a Macy's personal shopper over a few hours. And while I spent a lot of money, I got a lot of pieces, including lots of things that were on clearance ($10 jeans, yes!). And it's done and I don't have to do it again for a long time, at which point I will likely have either more time or more money to throw at it. But on a daily basis, really, it's a miniscule addition to my life. I cut out some Facebook in the mornings and found time for it.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 5:02 AM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
I am another one who interprets "polish" as more a matter of behavior than appearance. Of all the women I've worked with in my career, the one I'm most likely to describe as "polished" has a lip ring. But I suspect your recruiter is thinking more about appearance, so:
-Go for dark gray instead of black. Black seems to be the default for women's apparel, but it's hella boring. Charcoal fulfills the same functions (trousers, blazers, sweaters, etc.), but looks significantly sharper. This is true even of informal clothing - my wife has a pair of gray yoga pants, and every time she wears them I mention how good they look. Buy a lot more gray than black. Navy blue has a similar function, and sometimes even dark brown.
-Paradoxically, I think patterns will help you look more polished than solid colors. Solids look good, to be sure, but they're a little plain, and they convey a meekness. Wearing an animal-print top or glen plaid trousers, on the other hand, signals confidence, and that's really the point you're trying to make. The downside is that it's harder to mix and match, but the payoff is higher.
-Speaking as a dude who wears an extensive amount of Old Navy clothing, there's a noticeable difference in quality between Old Navy and, say, Banana Republic. Opt for higher-end labels. It doesn't take any more time to shop at TJ Maxx than it does to shop at Old Navy, and it's actually probably less time to shop on eBay, because you can set up alerts.
-Buy a really nice handbag - Kate Spade, Coach, etc. In my experience, this is one of the first things women who are looking to judge other women's taste notice. Accessories in general go a long way.
-Ask your husband to handle the kids while you take some time for self-care. I'm happy to take the kids to the playground and out to eat on Sunday while you get your nails and brows done, for example. Have him cook dinner one night so you can get a haircut.
posted by kevinbelt at 5:25 AM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
-Go for dark gray instead of black. Black seems to be the default for women's apparel, but it's hella boring. Charcoal fulfills the same functions (trousers, blazers, sweaters, etc.), but looks significantly sharper. This is true even of informal clothing - my wife has a pair of gray yoga pants, and every time she wears them I mention how good they look. Buy a lot more gray than black. Navy blue has a similar function, and sometimes even dark brown.
-Paradoxically, I think patterns will help you look more polished than solid colors. Solids look good, to be sure, but they're a little plain, and they convey a meekness. Wearing an animal-print top or glen plaid trousers, on the other hand, signals confidence, and that's really the point you're trying to make. The downside is that it's harder to mix and match, but the payoff is higher.
-Speaking as a dude who wears an extensive amount of Old Navy clothing, there's a noticeable difference in quality between Old Navy and, say, Banana Republic. Opt for higher-end labels. It doesn't take any more time to shop at TJ Maxx than it does to shop at Old Navy, and it's actually probably less time to shop on eBay, because you can set up alerts.
-Buy a really nice handbag - Kate Spade, Coach, etc. In my experience, this is one of the first things women who are looking to judge other women's taste notice. Accessories in general go a long way.
-Ask your husband to handle the kids while you take some time for self-care. I'm happy to take the kids to the playground and out to eat on Sunday while you get your nails and brows done, for example. Have him cook dinner one night so you can get a haircut.
posted by kevinbelt at 5:25 AM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
*Try a capsule wardrobe approach. Figure out combinations beforehand and just rotate. Think solid colors, machine washable, and well fitting. Stay away from flashy, shiny, revealing, too trendy.
*Get a clothes steamer.
*Think about some classic accessories that you can use every day. Pearl stud earrings, gold necklace with small pendant, and classic watch with leather band.
*No need to wear lots of makeup. A clean, neutral face takes only a few items. I do a foundation and use a multipurpose stick for cheek, eye, and lip color. Keep your eyebrows and nails groomed, but nothing further is necessary.
*If you cannot style/blow out your hair everyday, wear it in a low bun or low ponytail. Get a couple of nicer than everyday, barrettes or clips.
*Get two pairs of decent shoes. Loafers or flats with supportive insoles are definitely out there.
One brown leather, one black leather.
I feel the key to looking "polished" is just to look more or less neutral. Anything that stands out often looks unpolished. It sucks that the standards for appearance are not applied equally for men and women, but here we are.
posted by jraz at 5:29 AM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
*Get a clothes steamer.
*Think about some classic accessories that you can use every day. Pearl stud earrings, gold necklace with small pendant, and classic watch with leather band.
*No need to wear lots of makeup. A clean, neutral face takes only a few items. I do a foundation and use a multipurpose stick for cheek, eye, and lip color. Keep your eyebrows and nails groomed, but nothing further is necessary.
*If you cannot style/blow out your hair everyday, wear it in a low bun or low ponytail. Get a couple of nicer than everyday, barrettes or clips.
*Get two pairs of decent shoes. Loafers or flats with supportive insoles are definitely out there.
One brown leather, one black leather.
I feel the key to looking "polished" is just to look more or less neutral. Anything that stands out often looks unpolished. It sucks that the standards for appearance are not applied equally for men and women, but here we are.
posted by jraz at 5:29 AM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
Lots of great advice above. A few additional thoughts...
If you can afford them (this would be a splurge but there are sales / coupons occasionally), Betabrand's Dress Pant Yoga Pants are a revelation. Regardless of the brand of pants you end up with, stick with black / dark grey bottoms. Pick up a couple of blazer options from Old Navy that you can mix/match. With pants, you can wear more structured footwear as discussed above - oxfords, loafers, ankle boots - and still look professional.
I agree with you that wispy gray hairs give an unpolished look. Don't believe the old wives tale that plucking them makes more grays - I have been plucking the same less-than-5 grays for almost a decade. If you have too many to pluck, google "cover wispy grays" to find a product that is like a mascara wand with a bit of hair dye to cover them without doing an entire dye job.
I am 100% anti-blow dryer, so on days when I need to look extra polished, my wavy, unruly hair absolutely has to go up. Gibson tuck or a sock bun are my go-tos. You can buy inexpensive "bun donuts" on amazon that make the sock bun easier. The bonus is that after my hair spends the day in an updo, it usually calms down a little bit and I can sometimes wear it in a low ponytail on the next day.
Simple accessories (freshwater pearl or CZ studs are affordable earring options) and a basic black or brown "leather" tote from Target or Old Navy will go a very long way. If you get the blazer / pant / shoe / accessories framework right, the top underneath the blazer can be almost anything that suits your taste - a button down, a flowy floral shell, a solid "dressy" tee or cami - all of which can also be sourced for very little at Target or Old Navy.
Good luck! You've got this!
posted by somanyamys at 6:12 AM on May 23, 2019
If you can afford them (this would be a splurge but there are sales / coupons occasionally), Betabrand's Dress Pant Yoga Pants are a revelation. Regardless of the brand of pants you end up with, stick with black / dark grey bottoms. Pick up a couple of blazer options from Old Navy that you can mix/match. With pants, you can wear more structured footwear as discussed above - oxfords, loafers, ankle boots - and still look professional.
I agree with you that wispy gray hairs give an unpolished look. Don't believe the old wives tale that plucking them makes more grays - I have been plucking the same less-than-5 grays for almost a decade. If you have too many to pluck, google "cover wispy grays" to find a product that is like a mascara wand with a bit of hair dye to cover them without doing an entire dye job.
I am 100% anti-blow dryer, so on days when I need to look extra polished, my wavy, unruly hair absolutely has to go up. Gibson tuck or a sock bun are my go-tos. You can buy inexpensive "bun donuts" on amazon that make the sock bun easier. The bonus is that after my hair spends the day in an updo, it usually calms down a little bit and I can sometimes wear it in a low ponytail on the next day.
Simple accessories (freshwater pearl or CZ studs are affordable earring options) and a basic black or brown "leather" tote from Target or Old Navy will go a very long way. If you get the blazer / pant / shoe / accessories framework right, the top underneath the blazer can be almost anything that suits your taste - a button down, a flowy floral shell, a solid "dressy" tee or cami - all of which can also be sourced for very little at Target or Old Navy.
Good luck! You've got this!
posted by somanyamys at 6:12 AM on May 23, 2019
I hate blow drying my hair. So when I have a job where I need to look "polished", I keep my hair long and pull it back every day - a braid, a french braid, a bun, something like that. It looks put together, keeps it out of my face, and it's faster than blow drying (for me).
Clothing: Are polo shirts not ok? I ask this because nobody has commented about polo shirts. Maybe I'm just out of the loop, but I definitely wore high quality (Lands End, LL Bean, from my high school uniform no less, that lasted for 15 years) polos to work and felt fine. I don't like button-downs because they inevitably gap, and that makes me uncomfortable. I found pants at Sears - gray trousers.
Shoes: I wore a pair of plain payless loafers for years in a professional setting. They were comfortable and professional looking. I did add dark trouser socks.
But maybe I'm not doing this right.
posted by Ms Vegetable at 6:36 AM on May 23, 2019
Clothing: Are polo shirts not ok? I ask this because nobody has commented about polo shirts. Maybe I'm just out of the loop, but I definitely wore high quality (Lands End, LL Bean, from my high school uniform no less, that lasted for 15 years) polos to work and felt fine. I don't like button-downs because they inevitably gap, and that makes me uncomfortable. I found pants at Sears - gray trousers.
Shoes: I wore a pair of plain payless loafers for years in a professional setting. They were comfortable and professional looking. I did add dark trouser socks.
But maybe I'm not doing this right.
posted by Ms Vegetable at 6:36 AM on May 23, 2019
Consider whether this new job will come with a salary that allows you to keep staying polished. Will you be able to replace stained or worn clothing, will you be able to buy a few pairs of stylish shoes that don't hurt your feet, will you be able to maintain the brows/nails/haircuts on a regular schedule?
Polish, or poise, also includes posture and projecting confidence. How are you doing on those two?
I wish you all the best of luck in your job hunt!
posted by Liesl at 6:38 AM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
Polish, or poise, also includes posture and projecting confidence. How are you doing on those two?
I wish you all the best of luck in your job hunt!
posted by Liesl at 6:38 AM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
The long-term solution, as others have said, is to figure out a work "uniform" and stick with it. Your children should have virtually no physical contact with you while you're dressed for work; if you tend to spill, don't eat in those clothes before or after work, and when you eat at work, do it sitting at a table and don't use your phone/ computer/ whatever simultaneously. Good-fitting bras might make a significant difference. I have one pair of black Clarks shoes that works with pants, and boots and sandals that work with skirts. I am too incompetent for eye makeup but find that lipstick alone makes a huge difference, if your skin can handle that.
Short-term, if you just need to look good for an interview and will have some time to figure out the rest more affordably later, I'd spend some extra money and go to Ann Taylor (Loft will do) and ask a salesclerk for some help. I'd get a charcoal suit which could also be used as separates, but depending on your industry it sounds like that might be too formal?
posted by metasarah at 6:46 AM on May 23, 2019
Short-term, if you just need to look good for an interview and will have some time to figure out the rest more affordably later, I'd spend some extra money and go to Ann Taylor (Loft will do) and ask a salesclerk for some help. I'd get a charcoal suit which could also be used as separates, but depending on your industry it sounds like that might be too formal?
posted by metasarah at 6:46 AM on May 23, 2019
I feel like I could put on a button down shirt, chinos and loafers and be done.
Seconding this IS viable. I know plenty of professional women who do this, from bankers to academics to librarians etc.
posted by SaltySalticid at 6:50 AM on May 23, 2019 [3 favorites]
Seconding this IS viable. I know plenty of professional women who do this, from bankers to academics to librarians etc.
posted by SaltySalticid at 6:50 AM on May 23, 2019 [3 favorites]
First, clarify with the recruiter (a) what “polished” means in this context, and (b) that this is genuinely coming from the job opportunity and is not just supposed-to-be-helpful advice from the recruiter herself (I would not be surprised...).
Second, if polished does genuinely mean “visibly put together,” you need to decide whether you *actually want a job that requires that*. You post makes it seem like this is something you do not want to devote ANY time to. There are very good reasons why this stuff might seem like bullshit or a waste of time to you (gender stuff, class stuff, etc). But if it does, this job is not right for you. You should tell the recruiter you want an opportunity where being polished and presentable is incidental rather than a focus.
If you decide this job is something you want and that it does require surface polish, then you need to make time in your life to be polished. No more “I don’t have an extra hour in my week to go secondhand shopping.” You can’t make extra money but you can make time, nearly anyone can. You have time to meet with the recruiter, so you have time to browse Etsy or EBay for twenty minutes to look for gently-owned clothing.
For the best bang for your buck for polished clothing, I’d look for black monochrome clothing in natural materials (cotton, linen, silk, wool) with simple cuts.. Less likely to show a spill, less likely to go out of fashion. I’d be scouring Etsy and eBay for secondhand Eileen Fisher, or saving to spend on Everlane.
The jewelry suggestions above are great - sometimes the smallest, simplest jewelry looks the most elegant. Yes yes yes to clear nail polish.
posted by sallybrown at 6:57 AM on May 23, 2019 [7 favorites]
Second, if polished does genuinely mean “visibly put together,” you need to decide whether you *actually want a job that requires that*. You post makes it seem like this is something you do not want to devote ANY time to. There are very good reasons why this stuff might seem like bullshit or a waste of time to you (gender stuff, class stuff, etc). But if it does, this job is not right for you. You should tell the recruiter you want an opportunity where being polished and presentable is incidental rather than a focus.
If you decide this job is something you want and that it does require surface polish, then you need to make time in your life to be polished. No more “I don’t have an extra hour in my week to go secondhand shopping.” You can’t make extra money but you can make time, nearly anyone can. You have time to meet with the recruiter, so you have time to browse Etsy or EBay for twenty minutes to look for gently-owned clothing.
For the best bang for your buck for polished clothing, I’d look for black monochrome clothing in natural materials (cotton, linen, silk, wool) with simple cuts.. Less likely to show a spill, less likely to go out of fashion. I’d be scouring Etsy and eBay for secondhand Eileen Fisher, or saving to spend on Everlane.
The jewelry suggestions above are great - sometimes the smallest, simplest jewelry looks the most elegant. Yes yes yes to clear nail polish.
posted by sallybrown at 6:57 AM on May 23, 2019 [7 favorites]
Old Navy for sure. I can afford a fair bit of mainstream fashion and the occasional splurge but for jeans that fit and won't wear out on me in three months, nothing beats a pair of Old Navy jeans for $10 on sale.
If you want uniform examples, I have been in senior management in the tech industry on both coasts. My default "I need to look better than usual" outfit in both cases is a structured stretchy blazer (like this) with a knit blousey sleeveless shirt (like this) underneath, dark wash straight leg jeans from Old Navy, and ballet flats. If it matters, I am an overweight size 14 hourglass shape, but a similar uniform looks good on my average-to-skinny friends as well.
You say ballet flats are out of the question for you, so this is where I'd ask where you're located. On the West Coast, in my particular industry, you could replace those with "fashion sneakers" - they look like sneakers but you wouldn't wear them to work out. I got a $30 pair of red Sauconys off Zappos that fill this niche for me. On either coast, depending on what kind of industry you're trying to work in, you could try a pair of black Toms - if the default insoles aren't supportive enough, you can augment or replace them with some Dr Scholl's from the drugstore (I do this since I have flat feet). Depending on the weather, black looks-like-leather-even-if-it's-not ankle boots are entirely appropriate replacements on both coasts as well, but you'd be a bit miserable in the summer heat with them. In any of these cases, the shoes need to stay in good condition. Toms are machine washable, but you have to deal with it as soon a you get a stain or scuff. Leather or looks-like-leather should be at least wiped down if not polished regularly.
If you have a choice to splurge on one thing, I would do shoes. Sneakers are the most supportive shoes you can get for cheap. If you want more supportive non-sneakers, you need to go up a bit in the price bracket. Nordstrom Rack and DSW are places you can find good options; sometimes you can get Born or Sofft stuff at a great discount. Always consider whether you can put in some drugstore insoles if shoes otherwise seem to hit your style/budget sweet spot but don't feel as supportive as you'd like.
When you say your hair isn't good hair for product, what do you mean? I have limp fine hair that oils easily and I have always thought product would make it worse, but I ended up finding an in-shower styling cream that actually does great adding a bit of volume and keeps it tame-ish whether I'm blowing it dry or letting it air-dry. Put your hair back/up if you can. If you can't or don't want to, blow dry; it does polish up a look significantly. (My hair is about chin-length and I can do it in under 5 minutes each morning ) If none of this seems tenable, talk with a stylist (an actual stylist, not a barber) about styles and (drugstore) product that could work for you if your aim is "easiest way to look polished".
Other annoying-but-if-you-want-to-play-the-game-you-will-have-to suggestions: Buff your nails and keep them trimmed evenly. Wear mascara if nothing else; maybe try a "tinted moisturizer" rather than actual makeup to see if your skin can handle it (you should be moisturizing anyway!). Simple metal studs every day.
I also have two small kids and yes they are destructive to work clothing but the key is timing when you get dressed and making sure your outermost layer is either easily wipable or disposable (e.g. take off a kid-oriented hoodie and replace with the blazer when you get to the office, then switch back on your way home). There are definitely days I realize halfway through the morning that I have a bit of someone's breakfast on my sleeve, but it is not the norm, and it is possible to have two small kids and not have it be normal to end up at work in stained clothing every day.
posted by olinerd at 6:58 AM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
If you want uniform examples, I have been in senior management in the tech industry on both coasts. My default "I need to look better than usual" outfit in both cases is a structured stretchy blazer (like this) with a knit blousey sleeveless shirt (like this) underneath, dark wash straight leg jeans from Old Navy, and ballet flats. If it matters, I am an overweight size 14 hourglass shape, but a similar uniform looks good on my average-to-skinny friends as well.
You say ballet flats are out of the question for you, so this is where I'd ask where you're located. On the West Coast, in my particular industry, you could replace those with "fashion sneakers" - they look like sneakers but you wouldn't wear them to work out. I got a $30 pair of red Sauconys off Zappos that fill this niche for me. On either coast, depending on what kind of industry you're trying to work in, you could try a pair of black Toms - if the default insoles aren't supportive enough, you can augment or replace them with some Dr Scholl's from the drugstore (I do this since I have flat feet). Depending on the weather, black looks-like-leather-even-if-it's-not ankle boots are entirely appropriate replacements on both coasts as well, but you'd be a bit miserable in the summer heat with them. In any of these cases, the shoes need to stay in good condition. Toms are machine washable, but you have to deal with it as soon a you get a stain or scuff. Leather or looks-like-leather should be at least wiped down if not polished regularly.
If you have a choice to splurge on one thing, I would do shoes. Sneakers are the most supportive shoes you can get for cheap. If you want more supportive non-sneakers, you need to go up a bit in the price bracket. Nordstrom Rack and DSW are places you can find good options; sometimes you can get Born or Sofft stuff at a great discount. Always consider whether you can put in some drugstore insoles if shoes otherwise seem to hit your style/budget sweet spot but don't feel as supportive as you'd like.
When you say your hair isn't good hair for product, what do you mean? I have limp fine hair that oils easily and I have always thought product would make it worse, but I ended up finding an in-shower styling cream that actually does great adding a bit of volume and keeps it tame-ish whether I'm blowing it dry or letting it air-dry. Put your hair back/up if you can. If you can't or don't want to, blow dry; it does polish up a look significantly. (My hair is about chin-length and I can do it in under 5 minutes each morning ) If none of this seems tenable, talk with a stylist (an actual stylist, not a barber) about styles and (drugstore) product that could work for you if your aim is "easiest way to look polished".
Other annoying-but-if-you-want-to-play-the-game-you-will-have-to suggestions: Buff your nails and keep them trimmed evenly. Wear mascara if nothing else; maybe try a "tinted moisturizer" rather than actual makeup to see if your skin can handle it (you should be moisturizing anyway!). Simple metal studs every day.
I also have two small kids and yes they are destructive to work clothing but the key is timing when you get dressed and making sure your outermost layer is either easily wipable or disposable (e.g. take off a kid-oriented hoodie and replace with the blazer when you get to the office, then switch back on your way home). There are definitely days I realize halfway through the morning that I have a bit of someone's breakfast on my sleeve, but it is not the norm, and it is possible to have two small kids and not have it be normal to end up at work in stained clothing every day.
posted by olinerd at 6:58 AM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
Echoing a poster above: find yourself a smock apron (something like this). They are all over eBay and Etsy. Get into the habit of wearing it all the time when at home, even if you don't have your good clothes on at the time. Your wardrobe will go a lot farther that way.
Yes; stained clothing is a crime against yourself and your fellow adults; don't ever wear something not 100% clean.
How's your posture and grammar? Those are two elements sadly overlooked when going for "polished."
posted by BostonTerrier at 7:06 AM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
Yes; stained clothing is a crime against yourself and your fellow adults; don't ever wear something not 100% clean.
How's your posture and grammar? Those are two elements sadly overlooked when going for "polished."
posted by BostonTerrier at 7:06 AM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
Nordstrom Rack is also a great choice for finding professional wear for not too much. I think one thing that's been great for me is buying things that are wrinkle resistant. Also, taking the time to get off the cat hair, but that's more about me. I'd consider investing a good blazer and a few nice cardigans to pair with either wrinkle resistant button down shirts or simple shells.
posted by advicepig at 7:08 AM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by advicepig at 7:08 AM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
"Polished" in terms of attire and comportment differs according to industry and position. Generally-speaking the advice for upward mobility is to dress and comport yourself one level higher than the job you have. Thus, for example, an IT technician wouldn't benefit from wearing a suit (and might even be disadvantaged by doing so), but a mid-level manager who wants to become an upper-level manager would.
Here is something from the legendary sartorialist Bruce Boyer I think is instructive:
You say can't do many of the things that would help you present yourself in a way that will help further your career, but I would like to suggest that you view the combination of time, money and routine as an investment in your career and future earnings. Bearing that in mind, I think it would be helpful for you to bite the bullet and spend some time and money pulling together a "capsule wardrobe" you can use as a "work uniform." This doesn't necessarily need to include a lot of pieces, cost a lot of money or be difficult to maintain, but it does need to fit well and be appropriate for your industry and the positions in which you aspire to work. Once you have put together this capsule wardrobe you should treat it like a work and career resource in which you have invested time and money -- which it will be, of course -- and act accordingly. This means taking off your work uniform and hanging it up as soon as you get home, and doing whatever is required to keep it in decent condition (e.g., ironing or steaming, etc.). You should also form habits to avoid soiling your work uniform. Don't cook food or eat spaghetti with red sauce or play with dirty kids while wearing your work uniform, and figure out a way to avoid spilling coffee on it (e.g., by not drinking coffee while wearing those clothes, or getting a better cup, or whatever it takes). I love to eat potentially messy things like yukgaejang as a work lunch from time to time, and you had better believe I treat that stuff like it's plutonium. I always take off my jacket, hold an unfolded napkin across my chest, lean over and minimize the chopstick carrying distance between the bowl and my mouth to avoid getting stippled with little dots of red all over my clothes.
As someone who has been a performing artist for a long time, I've always had an awareness of how personal presentation can affect how we perceive and react to one another. I never cared all that much about how I presented at various "day jobs," but once I decided to pay more attention to my presentation in the "normal" workforce setting, the extent to which I got better results and was treated differently was striking. Personal presentation and comportment are two of the most important factors in achieving success.
posted by slkinsey at 8:06 AM on May 23, 2019 [17 favorites]
Here is something from the legendary sartorialist Bruce Boyer I think is instructive:
On the one hand, most people don’t take clothes seriously enough, they feel that clothes don’t matter, that we can and should all wear whatever we want. That idea is at the same time delusional, non historic, and frankly stupid, and people who believe such a blatant misreading of the obvious get what they insist on deserving. Whether we should or not, the reality is that we do all judge by outward appearances, if for no other reason than we simply don’t have enough time to get to know deeply enough most people with whom we must daily deal. We must get our signals where we can and as quickly as we can. Uniforms, to name the most obvious example of clothing, are both inclusive and exclusive. We use clothing to tell us about the people we meet. What the clothes tell us depends upon how closely we listen.So, in a previous ask you described yourself as a "senior executive at a non-profit." Yoga pants, sneakers and stained clothing do not bespeak "senior executive" or really any level of "management." Presentation will be important as you pursue your "next big career jump."
You say can't do many of the things that would help you present yourself in a way that will help further your career, but I would like to suggest that you view the combination of time, money and routine as an investment in your career and future earnings. Bearing that in mind, I think it would be helpful for you to bite the bullet and spend some time and money pulling together a "capsule wardrobe" you can use as a "work uniform." This doesn't necessarily need to include a lot of pieces, cost a lot of money or be difficult to maintain, but it does need to fit well and be appropriate for your industry and the positions in which you aspire to work. Once you have put together this capsule wardrobe you should treat it like a work and career resource in which you have invested time and money -- which it will be, of course -- and act accordingly. This means taking off your work uniform and hanging it up as soon as you get home, and doing whatever is required to keep it in decent condition (e.g., ironing or steaming, etc.). You should also form habits to avoid soiling your work uniform. Don't cook food or eat spaghetti with red sauce or play with dirty kids while wearing your work uniform, and figure out a way to avoid spilling coffee on it (e.g., by not drinking coffee while wearing those clothes, or getting a better cup, or whatever it takes). I love to eat potentially messy things like yukgaejang as a work lunch from time to time, and you had better believe I treat that stuff like it's plutonium. I always take off my jacket, hold an unfolded napkin across my chest, lean over and minimize the chopstick carrying distance between the bowl and my mouth to avoid getting stippled with little dots of red all over my clothes.
As someone who has been a performing artist for a long time, I've always had an awareness of how personal presentation can affect how we perceive and react to one another. I never cared all that much about how I presented at various "day jobs," but once I decided to pay more attention to my presentation in the "normal" workforce setting, the extent to which I got better results and was treated differently was striking. Personal presentation and comportment are two of the most important factors in achieving success.
posted by slkinsey at 8:06 AM on May 23, 2019 [17 favorites]
Just to give you another footwear option, I am really into Vionic shoes. Their footbeds are very supportive, or you can swap out for your own orthotics, Superfeet insoles, etc. I have very sensitive feet (and a neck injury that is exacerbated by bad shoes) and I love Vionic flats.
posted by radioamy at 9:53 AM on May 23, 2019
posted by radioamy at 9:53 AM on May 23, 2019
I know many exec men who do this (think something like Steve Jobs and his black turtleneck and jeans).
Elizabeth Holmes did this--maybe not the most compelling example! But I also have a friend who does it, and it works fine for her.
posted by praemunire at 9:56 AM on May 23, 2019
Elizabeth Holmes did this--maybe not the most compelling example! But I also have a friend who does it, and it works fine for her.
posted by praemunire at 9:56 AM on May 23, 2019
A very specific suggestion re: stains from someone who is a mess.
I always change out of my "outside" clothes as soon as I get home and put on my "house" clothes. It takes less than two minutes.
If you're worried about getting stains on yourself while you're out, you can get a black cardigan or something similar to wear specifically while you're eating - something that is not necessary to your outfit, but looks alright for the time you're wearing it, and can be thrown in the wash if you get something on it. Basically, it's a bib that no one has to know is a bib.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 10:32 AM on May 23, 2019 [3 favorites]
I always change out of my "outside" clothes as soon as I get home and put on my "house" clothes. It takes less than two minutes.
If you're worried about getting stains on yourself while you're out, you can get a black cardigan or something similar to wear specifically while you're eating - something that is not necessary to your outfit, but looks alright for the time you're wearing it, and can be thrown in the wash if you get something on it. Basically, it's a bib that no one has to know is a bib.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 10:32 AM on May 23, 2019 [3 favorites]
"I can’t find it now but there was an article a few years back interviewing a woman in the creative industry who just wore a white shirt and black trousers every single day. She had a little black ribbon on her collar as a touch of whimsy and style." - like_neon
That would be this article from Harper's Bazaar.
posted by hellopanda at 10:41 AM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
That would be this article from Harper's Bazaar.
posted by hellopanda at 10:41 AM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
I always change out of my "outside" clothes as soon as I get home and put on my "house" clothes.
Bonus side effect: the clothes will get less wear generally and so last longer!
posted by praemunire at 11:04 AM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
Bonus side effect: the clothes will get less wear generally and so last longer!
posted by praemunire at 11:04 AM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
I kinda read your question as a reluctance to play along with "being polished" and wanting a 5-minute hack that involves no effort & no money. Sadly, there is no 5-minute hack and we do have to look presentable in order to get somewhere career-wise. Devote one Saturday to getting your stuff together - if it means a better job and a better salary, find the time. Right now you just need one outfit for the interview, then spend another Saturday trawling through thrift stores.
1. Shoes: you can buy support insoles that make flats a viable option for your feet. Bespoke ones are expensive, but you can get generic ones in pharmacies/drugstores. Your feet will thank you. Shoes should be polished.
2. Clothes: Navy, grey, or black chinos. You can probably find some in Target. Get a matching blazer while you are at it. When I was a TA and also taught Business English, I survived all my meetings and important teaching sessions on one blazer & two pairs of trousers. Wear a fine-knit top underneath and avoid bold colours.
3. Accessories: small & discrete. Imitation pearl studs or similar. I tend towards no jewellery at all, but if I want to schush it up, I add small studs.
4. Grooming: Clean and combed hair. Short hair looks neat, but longer hair can be worn in a low-neck bun. Mascara. Blow-dry isn't always necessary - especially if you decide to pull your hair back. Greying hair is fine. If you want to put some effort in, dye your hair at home (the brunette hair dyes are easy and low-hassle). Shaped eyebrows makes a world of difference. Lipgloss. Clear nail varnish or none.
Once you get into a routine, it won't take you any longer than what you are currently doing - you just need a weekly upkeep of your eyebrows, and maybe a monthly home hair dye session. Shoes can be polished whilst watching the TV.
I like the suggestion of having a cardigan that can function as a bib during lunch but not look like a bib.
posted by kariebookish at 11:47 AM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
1. Shoes: you can buy support insoles that make flats a viable option for your feet. Bespoke ones are expensive, but you can get generic ones in pharmacies/drugstores. Your feet will thank you. Shoes should be polished.
2. Clothes: Navy, grey, or black chinos. You can probably find some in Target. Get a matching blazer while you are at it. When I was a TA and also taught Business English, I survived all my meetings and important teaching sessions on one blazer & two pairs of trousers. Wear a fine-knit top underneath and avoid bold colours.
3. Accessories: small & discrete. Imitation pearl studs or similar. I tend towards no jewellery at all, but if I want to schush it up, I add small studs.
4. Grooming: Clean and combed hair. Short hair looks neat, but longer hair can be worn in a low-neck bun. Mascara. Blow-dry isn't always necessary - especially if you decide to pull your hair back. Greying hair is fine. If you want to put some effort in, dye your hair at home (the brunette hair dyes are easy and low-hassle). Shaped eyebrows makes a world of difference. Lipgloss. Clear nail varnish or none.
Once you get into a routine, it won't take you any longer than what you are currently doing - you just need a weekly upkeep of your eyebrows, and maybe a monthly home hair dye session. Shoes can be polished whilst watching the TV.
I like the suggestion of having a cardigan that can function as a bib during lunch but not look like a bib.
posted by kariebookish at 11:47 AM on May 23, 2019 [1 favorite]
In my experience as a prematurely grey person, dyeing greying hair brown —when you’re not willing to make it a hobby—will likely lead to visible greying roots, which is much less polished than naturally greying hair.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 12:00 PM on May 23, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 12:00 PM on May 23, 2019 [5 favorites]
Here is my similar question from a few years ago. So let me tell you about the results of my experiment. Not all of it applies to you, but maybe you can use some of it.
- On that thread, commenter Sara C. said about the face, "just get it to groomed," as in, it doesn't have to be done up, just groomed. This is the approach I take--my presentation doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to hit the baseline of professional dress.
- I now blow-dry my hair, but I blot the water with a thin towel beforehand so it takes as little time as possible. Here is the tutorial I used. She (Imogen Lamport) has some other good stuff on YouTube. Product grosses me out, but for my fine, thin hair I use Garnier Fructis Flat Iron Protector as a leave-in on wet hair.
- I believe that if khakis and a button-down are good enough for a man, they should be good enough for me. I mostly wear skirts for religious reasons, so I have one that takes a standard-size (i.e., man-sized) belt, which I wear with an assortment of Brooks Brothers shirts that I bought on eBay. I just searched for "Brooks Brothers women 12" and bought what came up. This means that if I spill something on one of them, it's not a disaster if I have to retire it. I decided to do this after I found a couple of Brooks Brothers shirts at a thrift store and liked them. You can do this with brands you like.
- I still don't wear makeup. I actually don't mind it, but I've managed to get by without it.
- There is no eyebrow threading salon near me, so my eyebrows aren't great, but "just get it to groomed." I pluck the really egregious hairs below the brow and basically just let them assume their natural shape. I use clear mascara to hold them in place.
- My glasses aren't fashionable (thank God) but they're not bent or broken or obviously worn out.
- I wear one kind of shoes (a Keen Mary Jane) that are on the informal end for a workplace, but I don't care. I have a prosthetic leg, so I can get away with it. I have one pair that I wear only for interviews, etc., and one pair for every day.
posted by 8603 at 12:05 PM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
- On that thread, commenter Sara C. said about the face, "just get it to groomed," as in, it doesn't have to be done up, just groomed. This is the approach I take--my presentation doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to hit the baseline of professional dress.
- I now blow-dry my hair, but I blot the water with a thin towel beforehand so it takes as little time as possible. Here is the tutorial I used. She (Imogen Lamport) has some other good stuff on YouTube. Product grosses me out, but for my fine, thin hair I use Garnier Fructis Flat Iron Protector as a leave-in on wet hair.
- I believe that if khakis and a button-down are good enough for a man, they should be good enough for me. I mostly wear skirts for religious reasons, so I have one that takes a standard-size (i.e., man-sized) belt, which I wear with an assortment of Brooks Brothers shirts that I bought on eBay. I just searched for "Brooks Brothers women 12" and bought what came up. This means that if I spill something on one of them, it's not a disaster if I have to retire it. I decided to do this after I found a couple of Brooks Brothers shirts at a thrift store and liked them. You can do this with brands you like.
- I still don't wear makeup. I actually don't mind it, but I've managed to get by without it.
- There is no eyebrow threading salon near me, so my eyebrows aren't great, but "just get it to groomed." I pluck the really egregious hairs below the brow and basically just let them assume their natural shape. I use clear mascara to hold them in place.
- My glasses aren't fashionable (thank God) but they're not bent or broken or obviously worn out.
- I wear one kind of shoes (a Keen Mary Jane) that are on the informal end for a workplace, but I don't care. I have a prosthetic leg, so I can get away with it. I have one pair that I wear only for interviews, etc., and one pair for every day.
posted by 8603 at 12:05 PM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
I actually think greying, short hair can look far more polished than dyed, long hair (as someone who has the latter). If you find a short cut that you can style yourself easily, it’s very much a polished “look” in a way that long hair can’t be because it’s always moving around and getting in your face. And greying hair is elegant, IMO.
posted by sallybrown at 12:07 PM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by sallybrown at 12:07 PM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
Two more things:
- Nails. I just keep them so short that dirt can't get underneath them. I have a buffer but don't use it.
- Hair dye! I too am graying at 42. I buy 2 packages of Nice 'n' Easy hair dye in 2 complementary colors. Wait for a sale. I use about 2x the recommended amount of activator (bleach) with a mix of the two dyes. I leave the mix on my hair for a LONG TIME (maybe 2 hours while puttering around the house) so that the gray hairs take up the color. I am not good at the girly stuff (as you can see from my struggles), but I don't mind saying that it's hard to tell I dye my hair, the color match is so good. So do some experimenting yourself and see what works for you.
posted by 8603 at 12:11 PM on May 23, 2019
- Nails. I just keep them so short that dirt can't get underneath them. I have a buffer but don't use it.
- Hair dye! I too am graying at 42. I buy 2 packages of Nice 'n' Easy hair dye in 2 complementary colors. Wait for a sale. I use about 2x the recommended amount of activator (bleach) with a mix of the two dyes. I leave the mix on my hair for a LONG TIME (maybe 2 hours while puttering around the house) so that the gray hairs take up the color. I am not good at the girly stuff (as you can see from my struggles), but I don't mind saying that it's hard to tell I dye my hair, the color match is so good. So do some experimenting yourself and see what works for you.
posted by 8603 at 12:11 PM on May 23, 2019
Sorry, one more note. Re: blow-drying hair, I started out using a paddle brush like Imogen recommends in the video, but then it broke and I switched to a "vent brush" that I had on hand. This is a brush that has slits in it so the hot air of the dryer can come through. It sped up drying and had no discernible effect on the finished look.
posted by 8603 at 12:17 PM on May 23, 2019
posted by 8603 at 12:17 PM on May 23, 2019
The keys for “polish” are going to be:
1. Well-groomed. Eyebrows make the biggest difference here, mascara and lipgloss are helpful if you can handle them. If mascara is a definite no, maybe curl your eyelashes? Nails clean, filed, and buffed, clear polish optional. Whether or not you need to blow-dry your hair really depends on your cut.
2. Clean (no stains), unwrinkled, well-fitted clothes
If you meet the above, you can actually dress pretty casually and still present as "polished"--the degree of formality you need beyond that is going vary based on your specific workplace.
If you work in a more casual office, a good easy uniform could be along the lines of dark washed jeans (1, 2) and a blazer (1,2,3). You could pair this with pretty much any top—button-down (1,2) or shell (1,2) for a more formal look, or a nice tshirt (1) for something more casual—as long as it is clean and not stained. For shoes, agreeing with loafers or oxfords. You might be able to get away with certain non-athletic sneakers (look for leather or canvas and a low profile: 1,2,3,4), but this would be very office dependent. Wouldn't fly for a place that is more on the "business" end of business casual.
If you can't do jeans, you could swap them out for basic black or grey pants (1,2,3,4,5). If you're upping the formality of the pants (and don't work somewhere that requires a full suit), you could pair them with a cardigan instead of a blazer.
(Note: all of the above is for a day-to-day look--for the interview you would need to go more formal.)
posted by tan_coul at 2:03 PM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
1. Well-groomed. Eyebrows make the biggest difference here, mascara and lipgloss are helpful if you can handle them. If mascara is a definite no, maybe curl your eyelashes? Nails clean, filed, and buffed, clear polish optional. Whether or not you need to blow-dry your hair really depends on your cut.
2. Clean (no stains), unwrinkled, well-fitted clothes
If you meet the above, you can actually dress pretty casually and still present as "polished"--the degree of formality you need beyond that is going vary based on your specific workplace.
If you work in a more casual office, a good easy uniform could be along the lines of dark washed jeans (1, 2) and a blazer (1,2,3). You could pair this with pretty much any top—button-down (1,2) or shell (1,2) for a more formal look, or a nice tshirt (1) for something more casual—as long as it is clean and not stained. For shoes, agreeing with loafers or oxfords. You might be able to get away with certain non-athletic sneakers (look for leather or canvas and a low profile: 1,2,3,4), but this would be very office dependent. Wouldn't fly for a place that is more on the "business" end of business casual.
If you can't do jeans, you could swap them out for basic black or grey pants (1,2,3,4,5). If you're upping the formality of the pants (and don't work somewhere that requires a full suit), you could pair them with a cardigan instead of a blazer.
(Note: all of the above is for a day-to-day look--for the interview you would need to go more formal.)
posted by tan_coul at 2:03 PM on May 23, 2019 [4 favorites]
Do you have a friend who likes clothes and shopping (especially second-hand) who would want to help? Someone you trust to understand your taste and other constraints? I would totally do this for a friend and would love the challenge of working within your budget and preferences.
Some things I would focus on:
1. Neat and clean. This is an excellent place to start. Other things can be a matter of taste, but avoiding being stained, wrinkled, smeared (Children, so gooey! I get it.), etc will go a long way.
2. Pick a couple things that seem doable. Some examples are:
- New hairstyle. This could be cut, color, etc. Or it could simply be committing to a low ponytail held with a discreet hair-tie or simple hairband. Don't worry about color or product if it will be a drag for you. Pressure to dye greying hair is BS, but you'll know your industry best.
- New "uniform". Yoga pants are out, but what about ponte pants, stretch chinos, palazzos, etc? Look for walking shoes in lieu of sneakers. Keep a nice blazer, cardigan or sweater jacket at the office. You can throw this on whenever you need to step things up.
- A statement piece or two. A handful of cheap infinity scarves (in prints to mask stains) can go a long way to dressing things up without compromising your comfort. Could a new bag, even a microfiber backpack, step things up a bit?
3. Be honest about what's right for you. Will dying your hair, wearing make-up or uncomfortable clothing make you sad and angry? Then avoid! Find what tweaks can fit in with your lifestyle. What can be done now? What could be done once you understand more about the workplace culture? What can be solved with a modest amount of money?
Good luck on possible new endeavors!
posted by annaramma at 4:03 PM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
Some things I would focus on:
1. Neat and clean. This is an excellent place to start. Other things can be a matter of taste, but avoiding being stained, wrinkled, smeared (Children, so gooey! I get it.), etc will go a long way.
2. Pick a couple things that seem doable. Some examples are:
- New hairstyle. This could be cut, color, etc. Or it could simply be committing to a low ponytail held with a discreet hair-tie or simple hairband. Don't worry about color or product if it will be a drag for you. Pressure to dye greying hair is BS, but you'll know your industry best.
- New "uniform". Yoga pants are out, but what about ponte pants, stretch chinos, palazzos, etc? Look for walking shoes in lieu of sneakers. Keep a nice blazer, cardigan or sweater jacket at the office. You can throw this on whenever you need to step things up.
- A statement piece or two. A handful of cheap infinity scarves (in prints to mask stains) can go a long way to dressing things up without compromising your comfort. Could a new bag, even a microfiber backpack, step things up a bit?
3. Be honest about what's right for you. Will dying your hair, wearing make-up or uncomfortable clothing make you sad and angry? Then avoid! Find what tweaks can fit in with your lifestyle. What can be done now? What could be done once you understand more about the workplace culture? What can be solved with a modest amount of money?
Good luck on possible new endeavors!
posted by annaramma at 4:03 PM on May 23, 2019 [2 favorites]
Post maternity leave, I was in a similar situation (need new professional wardrobe, not suits, not a lot of money). Target had a lot of what I wanted, which I got in "adult Geranimals": black, tan/khaki, gray, white, navy. If I liked something and it fit, I got one in every available color.
New clothes always look polished.
I think a tailored/menswear look also looks very polished and professional, but that's a lot of personal preference.
I love jackets and blazers. I think they are more professional than a cardigan (but I don't like cardigans). They are great assets in the office temperature wars. They give you an "extra" outfit. A tank/camisole with jeans becomes instantly business casual.
Steve Jobs was right about black turtlenecks.
I have a short-ish hair cut I can blow out and go without product.
Accessories can really, really help. They say, I took a little extra care about my clothing (even if I took that care once and re-wear the same thing every day). I too don't wear makeup, and accessories give me a bit of that femininity that seems to be part of looking polished for women.
* I have a pair of earrings I wear every day. Decades ago some large "knot" faux gold, now largish (2.5-inch diameter) silver hoops. Large enough to be seen, but not "unprofessional."
* A necklace that's visible (i.e., not a delicate chain or pendant).
* A scarf (I know, they can cost as much as a shirt) especially if you like colors or more feminine things.
* A nice belt.
* Low-heel loafers or oxfords with black socks. (I keep the shoes at the office because I work in Philly and walk miles a day, so I wear sneakers to and from the office.) Payless is fine.
* A bag (purse, briefcase, messenger) in good condition and not overstuffed. I just learned the wonder of putting all my loose purse things (advil, brush, spare headphones, etc, etc.) into a makeup bag.
I think you can do the first interview in a pair of dressy pants with a blouse/shirt and scarf, then the second in the same pants, camisole/tank, and a jacket.
posted by JawnBigboote at 8:04 AM on May 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
New clothes always look polished.
I think a tailored/menswear look also looks very polished and professional, but that's a lot of personal preference.
I love jackets and blazers. I think they are more professional than a cardigan (but I don't like cardigans). They are great assets in the office temperature wars. They give you an "extra" outfit. A tank/camisole with jeans becomes instantly business casual.
Steve Jobs was right about black turtlenecks.
I have a short-ish hair cut I can blow out and go without product.
Accessories can really, really help. They say, I took a little extra care about my clothing (even if I took that care once and re-wear the same thing every day). I too don't wear makeup, and accessories give me a bit of that femininity that seems to be part of looking polished for women.
* I have a pair of earrings I wear every day. Decades ago some large "knot" faux gold, now largish (2.5-inch diameter) silver hoops. Large enough to be seen, but not "unprofessional."
* A necklace that's visible (i.e., not a delicate chain or pendant).
* A scarf (I know, they can cost as much as a shirt) especially if you like colors or more feminine things.
* A nice belt.
* Low-heel loafers or oxfords with black socks. (I keep the shoes at the office because I work in Philly and walk miles a day, so I wear sneakers to and from the office.) Payless is fine.
* A bag (purse, briefcase, messenger) in good condition and not overstuffed. I just learned the wonder of putting all my loose purse things (advil, brush, spare headphones, etc, etc.) into a makeup bag.
I think you can do the first interview in a pair of dressy pants with a blouse/shirt and scarf, then the second in the same pants, camisole/tank, and a jacket.
posted by JawnBigboote at 8:04 AM on May 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
By the way, if you are in the Northeast Ohio area, feel free to holler; I am pretty good at polish under adverse circumstances and would genuinely enjoy helping. My memail is open!
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 8:36 AM on May 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 8:36 AM on May 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
Here's where I would source the equivalent of the men's uniform you mention above. These are all budget friendly. Re: stains, there is nothing wrong with wearing only dark colors. You might add a stain removal pen thingy to your purse.
Pants--Old Navy or Target. At Old Navy, I have had great success with the Pixie Pant. The Harper pant is their other model. If you find something you like, buy multiples. I think that these pants look more polished than chinos.
Shirts--Uniqlo has an amazing rayon shirt that is wrinkle free if you hang it to dry. It has a beautiful drape that looks fancier than it is too.
If you want button down that you don't have to dry clean or iron, Brooks Brothers or Lands End have what you need. Brooks Brothers are budget items only if you buy on eBay or Poshmark as noted above. LandsEnd when it's on sale.
Blazers--blazers are your new best friend. They instantly convey polish and if you have a little patience and a seam-ripper, most have pockets. (They just need to be freed from their basting stitches.) Here's the big secret: you can wash most of them on cold and hang to dry. No dry cleaning necessary!! (Does not apply to wool.) I buy cheap blazers so that if I'm wrong about washing them, I'm not out a bunch. I have yet to be wrong.
One word of caution: avoid the knit fabric blazers (think thick t-shirt material). The material instantly downgrades a blazer from polished to okay-looking imo.
Here are some great sources:
H&M
Nordstrom Rack
Poshmark
Accessories can really, really help. I agree! Here are some budget friendly ideas
* A scarf. Nordstrom Rack can be a great source for cheap, lightweight infinity scarves. H&M also has fashionable cheap scarves that don't look cheap.
* Low-heel loafers or oxfords with black socks. Nordstrom Rack has some good budget picks. I also leave my work shoes at work and change into them at the office.
posted by purple_bird at 11:27 AM on May 24, 2019 [2 favorites]
Pants--Old Navy or Target. At Old Navy, I have had great success with the Pixie Pant. The Harper pant is their other model. If you find something you like, buy multiples. I think that these pants look more polished than chinos.
Shirts--Uniqlo has an amazing rayon shirt that is wrinkle free if you hang it to dry. It has a beautiful drape that looks fancier than it is too.
If you want button down that you don't have to dry clean or iron, Brooks Brothers or Lands End have what you need. Brooks Brothers are budget items only if you buy on eBay or Poshmark as noted above. LandsEnd when it's on sale.
Blazers--blazers are your new best friend. They instantly convey polish and if you have a little patience and a seam-ripper, most have pockets. (They just need to be freed from their basting stitches.) Here's the big secret: you can wash most of them on cold and hang to dry. No dry cleaning necessary!! (Does not apply to wool.) I buy cheap blazers so that if I'm wrong about washing them, I'm not out a bunch. I have yet to be wrong.
One word of caution: avoid the knit fabric blazers (think thick t-shirt material). The material instantly downgrades a blazer from polished to okay-looking imo.
Here are some great sources:
H&M
Nordstrom Rack
Poshmark
Accessories can really, really help. I agree! Here are some budget friendly ideas
* A scarf. Nordstrom Rack can be a great source for cheap, lightweight infinity scarves. H&M also has fashionable cheap scarves that don't look cheap.
* Low-heel loafers or oxfords with black socks. Nordstrom Rack has some good budget picks. I also leave my work shoes at work and change into them at the office.
posted by purple_bird at 11:27 AM on May 24, 2019 [2 favorites]
I used to get pinged all the time for looking less than polished because I hate to do my hair (and especially fooling with the hairdryer)in the morning, when it was long (or even long-ish). That's one of the biggest reasons why I've worn mine short for the last six years. My hair takes about 20 seconds in the morning, and it looks pretty good and reasonably together all day, even if I mess with it (as I'm apt). Upkeep is upkeep, but it's been kind of life-changing for me, not only in how I feel, but in how "together" I am perceived as looking from an outsider perspective.
posted by thivaia at 6:18 AM on June 25, 2019
posted by thivaia at 6:18 AM on June 25, 2019
This thread is closed to new comments.
-Clear nail polish instead of colors
-Clear plastic hairbands instead of cloth. Hide the band entirely with a lock of hair and a bobby pin, or do a Gibson tuck w/o the tuck.
-Flat ankle boots in black instead of sneakers.
-Ponte pants or skinny chinos instead of yoga pants.
-Exfoliate your lips (you can use a toothbrush).
-Have your eyebrows shaped.
Can't help you with the coffee in a single comment, sorry! When I want to eat something messy on my commute, I either wear a camisole and put my work shirt on when I'm done eating or make a very unhip napkin bib. Doesn't matter, no one can see you in your car, it's like a law or something.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 8:37 PM on May 22, 2019 [19 favorites]