The Beach Slang song title "Bad Art & Weirdo Ideas" keeps coming to mind
April 6, 2019 11:25 AM Subscribe
Should I try to call and ask out the guy who I went on one date with before he ghosted me 3 weeks ago? Of course, there's...
Honestly, after writing this all out, I think you're all going to tell me I'm vastly overthinking a first date—and my first date back in the dating world, after all—that didn't go anywhere. Don't worry, I get it, and my friends have already told me this, too. Read this as me working it out, I guess, and please be gentle. I do overthink everything, as we all know from my posting history. I guess what I'm looking for here is confirmation of how I should proceed.
The date: We last saw each other on a first date where we hooked up, after a week of ardent texting. The date ended early on the morning of March 11. I found out on the date that he'd recently experienced the death of a close family member, like 3 weeks before that, who he had been living at home to help care for in the past year, after the breakup of his last serious relationship. He was trying to figure out what was next. I've been in a pretty liminal headspace myself, after the death of a family member and the breakup of my last serious relationship, so that felt familiar to me.
It felt like we had really good chemistry on the date, and connected over a lot. It was my first date back after a long time out of the game and a long period of celibacy, though. And I was surprised by how immediately comfortable I felt with him, to the point that I overthought it a lot. He had been very sexty during the week prior, so I didn't have the highest of expectations, though we had also been able to connect on a lot of points. But we were actually able to have a great conversation at the bar. And I was kind of charmed to learn he didn't drink at all and just wanted to have burgers and fries and Cokes. It might just be a control thing (something else he said suggested that), but I didn't mind that—any reason someone might have for not drinking is entirely fine.
Anyway, I think I waited too long to make a move at the bar (we'd ostensibly been there to make out at the bar, but neither of us went for it until he asked if I wanted to make out on a street corner after I suggested we get out of there), and I was a bit rusty in bed, got a leg cramp at one point (as did he), have a body that's not perfect, etc. Maybe he was turned off by one of the random things I shared when we were talking in bed. Or maybe he planned all along for it to be a hookup. I can't really know. I could probably end the question here and chalk this one up to "first date back."
Texting after the date: I had been sick before the date and was just barely over it by the time we met up. He'd been so enthusiastic to meet up, though, even knowing that. The next day I texted back enthusiastically that I was feeling good, and we texted back and forth a bit. I proposed a second-date idea that in retrospect was lame but I thought was clever and demonstrating that I'd been paying attention at the time (to go shoe-shopping, since we both like the same brand of shoes and he'd mentioned wanting to get new ones, and I also need new ones—turns out they don't carry his size in stores, though, and he said the situation with that was annoying). Then he got sick after that and was only sparsely in touch the rest of that week.
We last texted back and forth early the morning of March 16, about a sci-fi show he's into that I'd tried watching and a sci-fi comic I was reading that picked up on some of its themes. His last text was one word, "Interesting," to which I texted him back two times about what we were talking about. He's usually up super late, but I didn't hear more.
I texted him twice when I woke up later that day to tell him he'd been in my dream (no details), but didn't hear anything back. I'd been a bit nervous that I was getting the slow fade to ghosting all week, but I also knew he was sick. On Sunday, March 17, I kind of vaguely passive-aggressively texted him, a single text saying sorry it had been sparse from me, but I was super busy doing [list of stuff I'd done that weekend]. I think I was somehow hoping that might trigger him to also say sorry that he hadn't been in touch, though that was probably a dumb idea. (This has been a journey of self-discovery about my own insecurities, certainly!)
I was pretty sure then I was getting ghosted, but I specifically had bought tickets to a movie that next Thursday, March 21, with the idea that he might be the perfect person to see it with. (I had not told him this, because again, I already thought I was getting the slow fade and was trying to have a light touch.) But on March 21, I figured I'd feel more dumb if I didn't at least try to get a response, so I texted him a GIF meme from the movie, followed by the message "(It's a question, lol)" hoping that might get...something. No dice, and maybe I should have been more direct.
A dumb, one-off phone call: That Saturday, March 23, it was so beautiful out, I thought for a moment I'd try to reach for the moon, and I called him from my actual phone number (I'd been texting from a web-based number of mine, which is what I usually give to dates). So he wouldn't have known who it was, but he might have suspected from the area code. I mostly wanted to leave him a voice message, which was also probably a terrible idea, and it did go to voicemail, which turned out to be completely full. (That was almost kind of heartening, because it reminded me that clearly this is not about me, and there are probably a lot of people whose messages he's ignoring, and maybe he's just not doing well in general, or maybe this is just his modus operandi. Either way—not about me, probably.)
One last text: But then this past Thursday, March 28, I happened to see something rare on display that I knew he was very into, to where it's something of a point of identity for him. I didn't expect that at all, and I thought he might want to know (or it might start a conversation), so I sent him a text with a photo of it marveling that I hadn't expected to see that. Of course I haven't heard back from that either.
So now what? In the meantime, he hasn't unmatched me on the app we met on. He's just not responding to texts, and I've stopped trying to send them, after an embarrassing 8 texts in a row without an answer. I know that's well beyond the threshold a lot of people stop at, but it also seems so dumb and artificial to me that people just accept these arbitrary rules of dating like no texting back if someone hasn't texted, etc. I'm very used to messaging as a means of long-term communication with friends, loved ones, and work, so maybe that's also coloring my frustration at how sparse this now of necessity seems to have to be.
I've of course been on a number of other dates in the past 3 weeks, and some have gone quite well, have started to be recurring, etc. I can get more dates basically whenever I want—literally thousands of people have swiped right on me on the dating apps. But I can't get him out of my head, I think almost because I was surprised by the seeming depth of our connection that week and on our date, and because it had all seemed so positive until he disappeared. I've read a lot of articles and posts about ghosting, since this is the first time this has ever happened to me, and it seems to just be how it goes, however inexplicable that might be.
I do understand that we have no obligation whatsoever to each other after one date. I just wish I could talk to him once more—to talk, to meet up if he wanted, to try again, or even just to get feedback about what happened, all the typical feelings one has after being ghosted, I guess. If I had any idea how I could put myself in his path, walking in this city we're in, I would do that—and I've kind of vaguely tried to do that a few times recently, because I know where he works and lives, so it's not that far-fetched. But it hasn't worked out, and this is also probably a dumb idea. I also know that if someone I'd gone on a date with who I hadn't wanted to see again and had let fade away suddenly put themselves in my path or kept bugging me, I wouldn't be into it, and I know the term people would use for it (stalking). I guess it's just hard to imagine he would feel that not into me, that averse to even talking again. But I guess I have to imagine it.
tl;dr: So today's dumb idea, on yet another beautiful day, when another date got postponed, is that maybe I should try once more to call him, this time from my web-based phone number he would already have. I probably should not do this, right? Is there any way this could possibly be a good idea? I should probably just wait (not wait) forever to never hear from him, and chalk this one up to experience, right? His response to this says everything about him, and my response to that (and this wall o' text) says a lot about me, I know, and where I am right now. But what would you do?
Honestly, after writing this all out, I think you're all going to tell me I'm vastly overthinking a first date—and my first date back in the dating world, after all—that didn't go anywhere. Don't worry, I get it, and my friends have already told me this, too. Read this as me working it out, I guess, and please be gentle. I do overthink everything, as we all know from my posting history. I guess what I'm looking for here is confirmation of how I should proceed.
The date: We last saw each other on a first date where we hooked up, after a week of ardent texting. The date ended early on the morning of March 11. I found out on the date that he'd recently experienced the death of a close family member, like 3 weeks before that, who he had been living at home to help care for in the past year, after the breakup of his last serious relationship. He was trying to figure out what was next. I've been in a pretty liminal headspace myself, after the death of a family member and the breakup of my last serious relationship, so that felt familiar to me.
It felt like we had really good chemistry on the date, and connected over a lot. It was my first date back after a long time out of the game and a long period of celibacy, though. And I was surprised by how immediately comfortable I felt with him, to the point that I overthought it a lot. He had been very sexty during the week prior, so I didn't have the highest of expectations, though we had also been able to connect on a lot of points. But we were actually able to have a great conversation at the bar. And I was kind of charmed to learn he didn't drink at all and just wanted to have burgers and fries and Cokes. It might just be a control thing (something else he said suggested that), but I didn't mind that—any reason someone might have for not drinking is entirely fine.
Anyway, I think I waited too long to make a move at the bar (we'd ostensibly been there to make out at the bar, but neither of us went for it until he asked if I wanted to make out on a street corner after I suggested we get out of there), and I was a bit rusty in bed, got a leg cramp at one point (as did he), have a body that's not perfect, etc. Maybe he was turned off by one of the random things I shared when we were talking in bed. Or maybe he planned all along for it to be a hookup. I can't really know. I could probably end the question here and chalk this one up to "first date back."
Texting after the date: I had been sick before the date and was just barely over it by the time we met up. He'd been so enthusiastic to meet up, though, even knowing that. The next day I texted back enthusiastically that I was feeling good, and we texted back and forth a bit. I proposed a second-date idea that in retrospect was lame but I thought was clever and demonstrating that I'd been paying attention at the time (to go shoe-shopping, since we both like the same brand of shoes and he'd mentioned wanting to get new ones, and I also need new ones—turns out they don't carry his size in stores, though, and he said the situation with that was annoying). Then he got sick after that and was only sparsely in touch the rest of that week.
We last texted back and forth early the morning of March 16, about a sci-fi show he's into that I'd tried watching and a sci-fi comic I was reading that picked up on some of its themes. His last text was one word, "Interesting," to which I texted him back two times about what we were talking about. He's usually up super late, but I didn't hear more.
I texted him twice when I woke up later that day to tell him he'd been in my dream (no details), but didn't hear anything back. I'd been a bit nervous that I was getting the slow fade to ghosting all week, but I also knew he was sick. On Sunday, March 17, I kind of vaguely passive-aggressively texted him, a single text saying sorry it had been sparse from me, but I was super busy doing [list of stuff I'd done that weekend]. I think I was somehow hoping that might trigger him to also say sorry that he hadn't been in touch, though that was probably a dumb idea. (This has been a journey of self-discovery about my own insecurities, certainly!)
I was pretty sure then I was getting ghosted, but I specifically had bought tickets to a movie that next Thursday, March 21, with the idea that he might be the perfect person to see it with. (I had not told him this, because again, I already thought I was getting the slow fade and was trying to have a light touch.) But on March 21, I figured I'd feel more dumb if I didn't at least try to get a response, so I texted him a GIF meme from the movie, followed by the message "(It's a question, lol)" hoping that might get...something. No dice, and maybe I should have been more direct.
A dumb, one-off phone call: That Saturday, March 23, it was so beautiful out, I thought for a moment I'd try to reach for the moon, and I called him from my actual phone number (I'd been texting from a web-based number of mine, which is what I usually give to dates). So he wouldn't have known who it was, but he might have suspected from the area code. I mostly wanted to leave him a voice message, which was also probably a terrible idea, and it did go to voicemail, which turned out to be completely full. (That was almost kind of heartening, because it reminded me that clearly this is not about me, and there are probably a lot of people whose messages he's ignoring, and maybe he's just not doing well in general, or maybe this is just his modus operandi. Either way—not about me, probably.)
One last text: But then this past Thursday, March 28, I happened to see something rare on display that I knew he was very into, to where it's something of a point of identity for him. I didn't expect that at all, and I thought he might want to know (or it might start a conversation), so I sent him a text with a photo of it marveling that I hadn't expected to see that. Of course I haven't heard back from that either.
So now what? In the meantime, he hasn't unmatched me on the app we met on. He's just not responding to texts, and I've stopped trying to send them, after an embarrassing 8 texts in a row without an answer. I know that's well beyond the threshold a lot of people stop at, but it also seems so dumb and artificial to me that people just accept these arbitrary rules of dating like no texting back if someone hasn't texted, etc. I'm very used to messaging as a means of long-term communication with friends, loved ones, and work, so maybe that's also coloring my frustration at how sparse this now of necessity seems to have to be.
I've of course been on a number of other dates in the past 3 weeks, and some have gone quite well, have started to be recurring, etc. I can get more dates basically whenever I want—literally thousands of people have swiped right on me on the dating apps. But I can't get him out of my head, I think almost because I was surprised by the seeming depth of our connection that week and on our date, and because it had all seemed so positive until he disappeared. I've read a lot of articles and posts about ghosting, since this is the first time this has ever happened to me, and it seems to just be how it goes, however inexplicable that might be.
I do understand that we have no obligation whatsoever to each other after one date. I just wish I could talk to him once more—to talk, to meet up if he wanted, to try again, or even just to get feedback about what happened, all the typical feelings one has after being ghosted, I guess. If I had any idea how I could put myself in his path, walking in this city we're in, I would do that—and I've kind of vaguely tried to do that a few times recently, because I know where he works and lives, so it's not that far-fetched. But it hasn't worked out, and this is also probably a dumb idea. I also know that if someone I'd gone on a date with who I hadn't wanted to see again and had let fade away suddenly put themselves in my path or kept bugging me, I wouldn't be into it, and I know the term people would use for it (stalking). I guess it's just hard to imagine he would feel that not into me, that averse to even talking again. But I guess I have to imagine it.
tl;dr: So today's dumb idea, on yet another beautiful day, when another date got postponed, is that maybe I should try once more to call him, this time from my web-based phone number he would already have. I probably should not do this, right? Is there any way this could possibly be a good idea? I should probably just wait (not wait) forever to never hear from him, and chalk this one up to experience, right? His response to this says everything about him, and my response to that (and this wall o' text) says a lot about me, I know, and where I am right now. But what would you do?
I probably should not do this, right?
I would say "definitely not."
Is there any way this could possibly be a good idea?
No. This is borderline stalkery behavior. You're intentionally trying to be deceptive vis-a-vis caller ID, in some bid to talk to him again, somehow not anticipating that he will react badly to this deception and decide to go out again after all? This will not be what happens. What will happen is that he will react badly and hang up on you, at best, and at worst something much less pleasant.
Move on. Go on another date, or go see a movie, or really anything else to distract yourself from becoming fixated on what was very clearly a one-off date/hookup.
posted by axiom at 11:33 AM on April 6, 2019 [4 favorites]
I would say "definitely not."
Is there any way this could possibly be a good idea?
No. This is borderline stalkery behavior. You're intentionally trying to be deceptive vis-a-vis caller ID, in some bid to talk to him again, somehow not anticipating that he will react badly to this deception and decide to go out again after all? This will not be what happens. What will happen is that he will react badly and hang up on you, at best, and at worst something much less pleasant.
Move on. Go on another date, or go see a movie, or really anything else to distract yourself from becoming fixated on what was very clearly a one-off date/hookup.
posted by axiom at 11:33 AM on April 6, 2019 [4 favorites]
I went on a fantastic date about a month ago. It was charming, and fun, and we really clicked. And we texted a bit more for a day or two, they said I was wonderful and they wanted to see me again... so I asked them out on another date, and they claimed illness, and then ghosted me completely. Who knows what the heck was up, but whatever it was, I’m not really here for it, so it’s fine.
Because, seriously, whatever this is? Is bullshit, and it’s not good form, nor is it really something someone can recover from at this stage of a developing relationship. Let’s say he comes out of the woodwork: there now exists a dynamic where you feel like you have to text differently than you usually would, somehow, without knowing what that difference is; and he might just disappear again whenever, and that would be fine, expected even, because he’d done it to you before!
I’d let this one go. If it gives you peace of mind you could say something like “Hey, I really enjoyed getting to know you on our date, and we clicked which is rare for me, but I take your silence to mean disinterest and therefore wish you all the best, good luck in your dating endeavors” but... I wouldn’t even recommend that. But it might help close the door more firmly for you, because the likelihood of a response from him is small.
Something is up with him and it is not you. I promise. It is not you. Like, even if it is something about you that he finds incompatible? The way in which he is handling it is all about him, and it tells you everything you need to know about what actually dating this person would be like: not super great.
posted by sockermom at 11:37 AM on April 6, 2019 [8 favorites]
Because, seriously, whatever this is? Is bullshit, and it’s not good form, nor is it really something someone can recover from at this stage of a developing relationship. Let’s say he comes out of the woodwork: there now exists a dynamic where you feel like you have to text differently than you usually would, somehow, without knowing what that difference is; and he might just disappear again whenever, and that would be fine, expected even, because he’d done it to you before!
I’d let this one go. If it gives you peace of mind you could say something like “Hey, I really enjoyed getting to know you on our date, and we clicked which is rare for me, but I take your silence to mean disinterest and therefore wish you all the best, good luck in your dating endeavors” but... I wouldn’t even recommend that. But it might help close the door more firmly for you, because the likelihood of a response from him is small.
Something is up with him and it is not you. I promise. It is not you. Like, even if it is something about you that he finds incompatible? The way in which he is handling it is all about him, and it tells you everything you need to know about what actually dating this person would be like: not super great.
posted by sockermom at 11:37 AM on April 6, 2019 [8 favorites]
Response by poster: You're intentionally trying to be deceptive vis-a-vis caller ID, in some bid to talk to him again, somehow not anticipating that he will react badly to this deception and decide to go out again after all?
Sorry, just want to clarify before this becomes a potential derail: If I did try calling again, I would be calling him from the web-based phone number he already knows for me, not my other (main) one. So it would come up on his caller ID as me and he would know it was me calling, and could act accordingly.
OK, stepping back again... Carry on.
posted by o_O at 11:41 AM on April 6, 2019
Sorry, just want to clarify before this becomes a potential derail: If I did try calling again, I would be calling him from the web-based phone number he already knows for me, not my other (main) one. So it would come up on his caller ID as me and he would know it was me calling, and could act accordingly.
OK, stepping back again... Carry on.
posted by o_O at 11:41 AM on April 6, 2019
Oh, you mention that you are using a different phone number. If you’re using burner and aren’t communicating with other people through it right now, just burn the number. Problem solved!
posted by sockermom at 11:42 AM on April 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by sockermom at 11:42 AM on April 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
he helped someone die over the course of a year and then about two months ago he buried them. depending how close the person was to him, you could say it just happened. then he had one nice date, with a lot of stranger-to-stranger sexy build-up. and it went well, but he is not returning anyone's phone calls in a timely manner or very interested in building strong attachments to new people. this is normal for his life situation. it is practically inevitable.
you want his level of interest in you and responsiveness to mean something about you instead of about his broader life situation. that is a natural instinct but it is not a reasonable expectation. I don't think it is sensible to put a lot of effort into pursuing someone fresh from either a death or a breakup. I would assume that someone just emerging from either event is not looking for an ongoing relationship unless they specifically said they were.
He also answered your text in what sounds like a courteous way, the day after: he declined your invitation and didn't propose an alternative. he didn't ghost you; he ended the conversation.
posted by queenofbithynia at 12:51 PM on April 6, 2019 [18 favorites]
you want his level of interest in you and responsiveness to mean something about you instead of about his broader life situation. that is a natural instinct but it is not a reasonable expectation. I don't think it is sensible to put a lot of effort into pursuing someone fresh from either a death or a breakup. I would assume that someone just emerging from either event is not looking for an ongoing relationship unless they specifically said they were.
He also answered your text in what sounds like a courteous way, the day after: he declined your invitation and didn't propose an alternative. he didn't ghost you; he ended the conversation.
posted by queenofbithynia at 12:51 PM on April 6, 2019 [18 favorites]
As usual, queenofbithynia has it.
First of all, congratulations on ending it with your now ex-husband, I remember your posts and was really rooting for you to get outta there. And congrats on getting into dating again, I know it's very nervewracking!
You asked, "what would you do?" I would see things for what they are. You had a great connection with someone, but that's it. It doesn't mean that you're going to keep seeing each other, for that to happen, both you AND him have to be interested in doing that. And for whatever reason, he's not, and most likely it doesn't have anything to do with you. He's just been through a death of someone he was caring for, that's probably a big reason as to why he stopped texting.
His last text was one word, "Interesting," to which I texted him back two times about what we were talking about.
This is when you should have stopped texting, with those two texts. My rule of thumb is if I haven't heard from someone in 24-48 hours, I consider myself ghosted. I shrug my shoulders and move on. There are tons of people out there (as you have experienced as well!), I've got lots going on my life so, whatever. I know it's hard. But you have to resist the urge to text again because it's not going to get you anywhere.
I guess it's just hard to imagine he would feel that not into me, that averse to even talking again.
It's not about you. It's not about you. It's not about you. Maybe this article will help. And yet, feelings can change quickly, especially in the early days. I don't think it helps your case that you texted a few more times, and called. If you were in his shoes, and not interested, you'd feel annoyed. So don't do that sort of thing. I know I also don't have to tell you not to try to stalk him.
Your takeaway from this is that you're capable of having great dates and connections, but to continue it, both parties need to want it and make it happen. Also, if people don't show you respect by not texting back or not showing interest in you, that's your cue to lose interest in them and stop trying.
posted by foxjacket at 1:36 PM on April 6, 2019 [8 favorites]
First of all, congratulations on ending it with your now ex-husband, I remember your posts and was really rooting for you to get outta there. And congrats on getting into dating again, I know it's very nervewracking!
You asked, "what would you do?" I would see things for what they are. You had a great connection with someone, but that's it. It doesn't mean that you're going to keep seeing each other, for that to happen, both you AND him have to be interested in doing that. And for whatever reason, he's not, and most likely it doesn't have anything to do with you. He's just been through a death of someone he was caring for, that's probably a big reason as to why he stopped texting.
His last text was one word, "Interesting," to which I texted him back two times about what we were talking about.
This is when you should have stopped texting, with those two texts. My rule of thumb is if I haven't heard from someone in 24-48 hours, I consider myself ghosted. I shrug my shoulders and move on. There are tons of people out there (as you have experienced as well!), I've got lots going on my life so, whatever. I know it's hard. But you have to resist the urge to text again because it's not going to get you anywhere.
I guess it's just hard to imagine he would feel that not into me, that averse to even talking again.
It's not about you. It's not about you. It's not about you. Maybe this article will help. And yet, feelings can change quickly, especially in the early days. I don't think it helps your case that you texted a few more times, and called. If you were in his shoes, and not interested, you'd feel annoyed. So don't do that sort of thing. I know I also don't have to tell you not to try to stalk him.
Your takeaway from this is that you're capable of having great dates and connections, but to continue it, both parties need to want it and make it happen. Also, if people don't show you respect by not texting back or not showing interest in you, that's your cue to lose interest in them and stop trying.
posted by foxjacket at 1:36 PM on April 6, 2019 [8 favorites]
I think from his perspective there was initial excitement, you hooked up and then it fizzled out. Just something that happens when dating.
Definitely don't contact him again, unmatch and delete his number if needed. Perhaps you just got so hung up him because he was the first date in a while but consider if it was because you'd slept with him and if so maybe wait a bit longer in future? Absolutely no judgement on one night stands / first date sex but I think if you're looking for a relationship and not hookups then it can be useful to wait for a couple of dates to ensure there's more of a match beyond physical chemistry.
posted by JonB at 12:02 AM on April 7, 2019 [1 favorite]
Definitely don't contact him again, unmatch and delete his number if needed. Perhaps you just got so hung up him because he was the first date in a while but consider if it was because you'd slept with him and if so maybe wait a bit longer in future? Absolutely no judgement on one night stands / first date sex but I think if you're looking for a relationship and not hookups then it can be useful to wait for a couple of dates to ensure there's more of a match beyond physical chemistry.
posted by JonB at 12:02 AM on April 7, 2019 [1 favorite]
Just leave this alone. If he wants to reach out, the ball is in his court. You didnt neccesarily do anything wrong on your date. Sometimes people just realize they're not in a good position to be starting a relationship, or the spark just fades. It's ok. One day it might be *you* realizing that after a date or two you're just not into it.
It sounds like you know this, but just in case you're tempted...Whatever you do, DON'T 'put yourself in his path' and pretend to randomly run into him. Someone did that to me once and it was a horrible feeling and I was very unsettled for weeks after.
posted by ananci at 10:36 AM on April 7, 2019 [2 favorites]
It sounds like you know this, but just in case you're tempted...Whatever you do, DON'T 'put yourself in his path' and pretend to randomly run into him. Someone did that to me once and it was a horrible feeling and I was very unsettled for weeks after.
posted by ananci at 10:36 AM on April 7, 2019 [2 favorites]
Do not contact him again unless he reaches out to you. There are a lot of people out there (misguided or not) who would behave as he did as a way of letting someone down gently—even though it’s maddening to be on the other side!! Remember in situations like this that you and he are pretty much strangers to each other, so he doesn’t know whether this is “giving it one last shot” or “prelude to a stalking.” Escalating from texting without a response to calling is pretty unusual and could come across as confrontational.
posted by sallybrown at 6:51 PM on April 7, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by sallybrown at 6:51 PM on April 7, 2019 [1 favorite]
You’ve said multiple times that you know you were being ghosted but you contact him anyway. The ghosting means he doesn’t want contact. Do you get that? And the more you push yourself on him, the more you confirm to him that he was really right in ghosting you in the first place.
I get that it’s hard, because you slept with him, the first person since leaving your LTR and you seem to want it to mean something. But he’s getting over a death and it sounds like he slept with you for exactly the opposite reason. Maybe there’s something you can take from this. Whether it’s that you’re not up for sex without strings, whether you need to wait longer and get to know someone a bit more...I don’t know but I think you should consider what you want from men, sex and dating before going on your next one. (That and delete this guy’s number.)
posted by Jubey at 5:24 PM on April 9, 2019
I get that it’s hard, because you slept with him, the first person since leaving your LTR and you seem to want it to mean something. But he’s getting over a death and it sounds like he slept with you for exactly the opposite reason. Maybe there’s something you can take from this. Whether it’s that you’re not up for sex without strings, whether you need to wait longer and get to know someone a bit more...I don’t know but I think you should consider what you want from men, sex and dating before going on your next one. (That and delete this guy’s number.)
posted by Jubey at 5:24 PM on April 9, 2019
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posted by kimberussell at 11:32 AM on April 6, 2019