How to improve 2-year-old diaper changes
March 28, 2019 7:33 AM Subscribe
My son, who turned 2 a couple of weeks ago, totally flips out when we need to change his diaper first thing in the morning. Should we just potty train him?
My son never objects to having a poopy diaper changed, and in fact will often run to the changing table himself after he's pooped. However, he HATES having his overnight diaper changed in the morning. He cries and flails, and the whole exercise is a nightmare. It starts the morning off on such a bad note.
I really don't understand what he dislikes about it -- he's pretty verbal (for a 2-year-old), but not when he's upset. Today when he was crying I asked him, "Does it hurt you somewhere?" and he said "Yeah" but when I asked him where he just pointed vaguely at his knee. So I don't really think that's it. We've tried making diaper changes just a nonchalant part of the process ("Oh, we can't go downstairs to breakfast until you've got a clean diaper!") but it doesn't help. We end up needing to basically pin him to the changing table -- so of course he hates it now!
I'm considering potty training him, though he would still need an overnight diaper (or pull-ups I guess) since he definitely isn't dry overnight, so maybe that wouldn't help anyway...
Should I see if allowing a "standing change" can reset things and make the whole situation less charged? We already do the usual "you can hold a special toy"/sing goofy songs/try to make it a "challenge" (Mom will go super fast!) stuff, but if you have other ideas please throw them out there.
My son never objects to having a poopy diaper changed, and in fact will often run to the changing table himself after he's pooped. However, he HATES having his overnight diaper changed in the morning. He cries and flails, and the whole exercise is a nightmare. It starts the morning off on such a bad note.
I really don't understand what he dislikes about it -- he's pretty verbal (for a 2-year-old), but not when he's upset. Today when he was crying I asked him, "Does it hurt you somewhere?" and he said "Yeah" but when I asked him where he just pointed vaguely at his knee. So I don't really think that's it. We've tried making diaper changes just a nonchalant part of the process ("Oh, we can't go downstairs to breakfast until you've got a clean diaper!") but it doesn't help. We end up needing to basically pin him to the changing table -- so of course he hates it now!
I'm considering potty training him, though he would still need an overnight diaper (or pull-ups I guess) since he definitely isn't dry overnight, so maybe that wouldn't help anyway...
Should I see if allowing a "standing change" can reset things and make the whole situation less charged? We already do the usual "you can hold a special toy"/sing goofy songs/try to make it a "challenge" (Mom will go super fast!) stuff, but if you have other ideas please throw them out there.
Can he take his own diaper off and enjoy the control? No harm in standing changes, or maybe take the diaper off right when you get him up in the morning before he is even out of bed though he may pee after that so timing could be important. Something like - I know you want to get up, but diaper off first. Or, I know you want breakfast, diaper off first. Maybe the issue is having to stop what he is doing and go to the changing area. No harm in trying a pull-up. If the diaper is really full, you may want to start with the nighttime pull-ups as they will hold more than a daytime pull-up. Even if you start potty training, night is often the last diaper to go so other resolutions might be more timely for you. It does sound like a scenario where you just try different things until something changes enough so this is not the issue anymore.
posted by RoadScholar at 7:49 AM on March 28, 2019
posted by RoadScholar at 7:49 AM on March 28, 2019
My nephew was like this and fought diaper changes with every ounce of power in his tiny being. His parents switched to changing him standing up (whenever possible) and then everything was gravy.
Two is an acceptable age to introduce the potty but I definitely wouldn't assume it will take immediately. He's still pretty young for that.
My son is younger than yours but also a lot more cry-y and fussy about his first diaper change of the day. I think it's because his skin feels much more sensitive due to not having been changed since the previous evening. Perhaps that's happening here?
posted by anderjen at 8:00 AM on March 28, 2019 [2 favorites]
Two is an acceptable age to introduce the potty but I definitely wouldn't assume it will take immediately. He's still pretty young for that.
My son is younger than yours but also a lot more cry-y and fussy about his first diaper change of the day. I think it's because his skin feels much more sensitive due to not having been changed since the previous evening. Perhaps that's happening here?
posted by anderjen at 8:00 AM on March 28, 2019 [2 favorites]
Is this happening really soon after he gets out of bed? Any chance he might be cold? The contrast between a warm bed and morning chill can be pretty unpleasant.
posted by trig at 8:00 AM on March 28, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by trig at 8:00 AM on March 28, 2019 [7 favorites]
Our kid hated this too, and apparently, the secret magic words were that he wanted to be asked if he wanted to take his own diaper off. Not any other time of the day, but only in the morning, and at the end of the day before bath.
And even now when we do it, about 60% of the time, he tells us to do it. But woe betide if you fail to ask.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
posted by joyceanmachine at 8:28 AM on March 28, 2019 [6 favorites]
And even now when we do it, about 60% of the time, he tells us to do it. But woe betide if you fail to ask.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
posted by joyceanmachine at 8:28 AM on March 28, 2019 [6 favorites]
My first thought was also cold. All that liquid is a heat battery up against his little body. Any residual liquid on his skin is going to evaporate quickly. Both contribute to extra cold. And toddlers aren’t as quick to regulate body temperature as adults.
So I would vote for morning diaper change while still in bed. Warm wipes for that change if it is possible and then a bit more snuggle to warm back up before the day starts. And this might sound obvious, but keep his shirt on for the diaper change.
posted by bilabial at 8:29 AM on March 28, 2019
So I would vote for morning diaper change while still in bed. Warm wipes for that change if it is possible and then a bit more snuggle to warm back up before the day starts. And this might sound obvious, but keep his shirt on for the diaper change.
posted by bilabial at 8:29 AM on March 28, 2019
My three year old is just barely exiting this phase. It helps to let him do it, but he couldn't have done it at that age. My theory is that the diaper is cozy and warm. Sorry, I have no tips on this, but I don't think potty training would help unless he really looked forward to switching to the underwear.
posted by slidell at 9:00 AM on March 28, 2019
posted by slidell at 9:00 AM on March 28, 2019
The following worked for us:
Let him take his own diaper off standing up if he is into it.
We give a treat for him to munch on during the first diaper change of the day. Something that takes a while to chew like a tortilla chip or a cashew.
Diaper changes are now done on the floor in his playroom, surrounded by legos and cars.
Sometimes a stuffed animal gets a diaper change too right next to him. Sometimes he changes the stuffed animal’s diaper.
We didn’t do this but some of my friends have had success with switching to pull ups which the kid can pull down and step into.
posted by amy.g.dala at 9:07 AM on March 28, 2019
Let him take his own diaper off standing up if he is into it.
We give a treat for him to munch on during the first diaper change of the day. Something that takes a while to chew like a tortilla chip or a cashew.
Diaper changes are now done on the floor in his playroom, surrounded by legos and cars.
Sometimes a stuffed animal gets a diaper change too right next to him. Sometimes he changes the stuffed animal’s diaper.
We didn’t do this but some of my friends have had success with switching to pull ups which the kid can pull down and step into.
posted by amy.g.dala at 9:07 AM on March 28, 2019
Guessing temperature is part of it. I always had a little $15 space heater in the bathroom and let it go for a minute before taking kid's clothes off. It heats a small space up very quickly. Recommend.
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:47 AM on March 28, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:47 AM on March 28, 2019 [1 favorite]
When my 2 year old stopped wanting diapers on we potty trained. Best decision ever. Used Oh Crap potty training and did nights without diapers too - it's mostly about rationing later liquids. Zero diapers since November. Definitely stocked up on paper towels, vinegar, and baking soda for the inevitable accidents - but they're cheaper than diapers ;)
Good luck with whatever you end up doing.
posted by PistachioRoux at 10:29 AM on March 28, 2019
Good luck with whatever you end up doing.
posted by PistachioRoux at 10:29 AM on March 28, 2019
Sounds like yeah, it's time to start potty training. Or maybe past time.
posted by stormyteal at 11:36 AM on March 28, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by stormyteal at 11:36 AM on March 28, 2019 [2 favorites]
Do you try to change the diaper immediately when your kid wakes up? We've noticed with our 2 y/o that they often will refuse and fight a diaper change first thing in the morning after waking up, but will be OK with it after they had a banana or something to eat first.
posted by kendrak at 12:17 PM on March 28, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by kendrak at 12:17 PM on March 28, 2019 [1 favorite]
If he is old enough to go to the table to be changed after he poops he's definitely old enough to be potty trained. Keep in mind that 50% of kids world wide are toilet trained by age 1.
posted by fshgrl at 12:38 PM on March 28, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by fshgrl at 12:38 PM on March 28, 2019 [2 favorites]
In Germany almost NO child is potty trained before 3, and boys are often slower. I had a friend scare the life out of me about potty training when my son had just turned 2 and was still in diapers... she said he would get lazy and I would find it hard to get him trained if I waited. I quickly tried to train him and the result was he ran from the toilet for almost a year. Then when he was 3 he basically did it on his own. So that is what we are doing with our second boy. He is 2.5 and not ready for the toilet or pot. He also hates diaper changes but stand up changes and diaper pants are pretty easy. He doesn't often lay down for a change. I'm surprised your son is willing to lay down for a change at all. Good luck!
posted by catspajammies at 12:45 PM on March 28, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by catspajammies at 12:45 PM on March 28, 2019 [3 favorites]
OH! And one our 3 year old decided to go for it, he has had almost no accidents and went straight to dry at night with no wake ups. It's been almost a year and I could count the accidents on one hand. The kids I knew who were potty training before mine were having to get up at night to take them to the toilet and had more accidents, but of course your mileage may vary. My older son also wanted to continue wearing the training pant diapers for a LONG time, it took ages for him to accept underwear.
posted by catspajammies at 12:48 PM on March 28, 2019
posted by catspajammies at 12:48 PM on March 28, 2019
Why don't you leave it on him and change it after breakfast?
posted by deadwax at 2:24 PM on March 28, 2019
posted by deadwax at 2:24 PM on March 28, 2019
He might need to urinate at that time and the pressure is painful. You might see if he would like to pee in the toilet out of the front of the diaper, and then change it. He might be worried about peeing on you.
posted by Oyéah at 3:56 PM on March 28, 2019
posted by Oyéah at 3:56 PM on March 28, 2019
We used the Oh Crap Potty Training book. It's available online. My first was pt at 2.5yrs, and when I read the book I realized I'd been missing his cues for a while, months. My second pt right after his second birthday. I'd been watching for cues for awhile, and he was ready. Not every kid is ready that early; I highly suggest reading a book or two and learning the subtle cues in order to decide. With my first I kind of fell for that "boys pt later than girls" line of thinking and I was kicking myself for letting him struggle for so long.
Fwiw we went diaper-free days and nights immediately with both kids. They were both accident-free within about four days. I took time off work and cleared our schedule and dedicated full focus to the issue. Again, not everyone can do it that way, but it worked for us. For the first week or so I did a "dream pee" where I pulled kiddo out of bed around 10pm and put him on the little potty and whispered to go; neither one of them really needed this after a couple of days. I kept the monitor on and I'd hear squirming around 4am, so I went in and escorted kiddo to the toilet. Mostly because they just weren't used to walking around the house in the dark and they were disoriented. That lasted maybe two weeks until they weren't waking until we went in to get them in the morning. The other thing I did was move my kids to a big kid bed so that they wouldn't have an accident because they were trapped in a crib.
posted by vignettist at 8:33 PM on March 28, 2019 [1 favorite]
Fwiw we went diaper-free days and nights immediately with both kids. They were both accident-free within about four days. I took time off work and cleared our schedule and dedicated full focus to the issue. Again, not everyone can do it that way, but it worked for us. For the first week or so I did a "dream pee" where I pulled kiddo out of bed around 10pm and put him on the little potty and whispered to go; neither one of them really needed this after a couple of days. I kept the monitor on and I'd hear squirming around 4am, so I went in and escorted kiddo to the toilet. Mostly because they just weren't used to walking around the house in the dark and they were disoriented. That lasted maybe two weeks until they weren't waking until we went in to get them in the morning. The other thing I did was move my kids to a big kid bed so that they wouldn't have an accident because they were trapped in a crib.
posted by vignettist at 8:33 PM on March 28, 2019 [1 favorite]
We’ve been doing standing changes pretty much since our toddler could stand (more because he is a wriggler lying down and would shuffle backwards off the diaper, but as a data point standing works well).
We also change after breakfast not before - that’s partly because he does a massive wee when he wakes up, and often poops immediately after breakfast, and we are trying to avoid two diaper changes in such a short space of time. Plus he is a messy cereal-eater, so we get him dressed after breakfast too. But he does seem much more open to being changed when he’s been up and about for a bit than he does immediately after he wakes up. So I’d try those two things.
posted by tinkletown at 8:55 PM on March 28, 2019
We also change after breakfast not before - that’s partly because he does a massive wee when he wakes up, and often poops immediately after breakfast, and we are trying to avoid two diaper changes in such a short space of time. Plus he is a messy cereal-eater, so we get him dressed after breakfast too. But he does seem much more open to being changed when he’s been up and about for a bit than he does immediately after he wakes up. So I’d try those two things.
posted by tinkletown at 8:55 PM on March 28, 2019
I would give him some choices, maybe one at a time. Just this morning, do you want to have breakfast before clean diaper? Wanna take your diaper off by yourself? 2 is when kids start to develop the need/ ability to have control. Ask if he's cold, and put on sweatshirt or cuddly blanket.
Anecdata: My son was potty trained to pee sometime a bit before 3 by putting a square of tp in the toilet and doing target practice. For pooping, he was offered an M&M to sit on the toddler potty, and a matchbox car for pooping there. It took about a dozen Matchbox cars. He showed every sign of being ready.
posted by theora55 at 9:30 PM on March 28, 2019
Anecdata: My son was potty trained to pee sometime a bit before 3 by putting a square of tp in the toilet and doing target practice. For pooping, he was offered an M&M to sit on the toddler potty, and a matchbox car for pooping there. It took about a dozen Matchbox cars. He showed every sign of being ready.
posted by theora55 at 9:30 PM on March 28, 2019
My two-year-old was a total nightmare in the AM because of low blood sugar. It was resolved by me delivering a cup of milk each morning while he was still in bed. He polished it off and we started the day much better. Consider something similar? May not really be the diaper at all.
posted by Toddles at 10:39 PM on March 28, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by Toddles at 10:39 PM on March 28, 2019 [3 favorites]
Make it part of having a morning shower, so it's getting undressed standing up, not changing a diaper.
posted by wwax at 5:44 AM on March 29, 2019
posted by wwax at 5:44 AM on March 29, 2019
This thread is closed to new comments.
I see no problem trying a standing change, or in a different location (couch, floor, bed, i.e. anything other than the table he's objecting to). Or maybe take the diaper off while he's standing and use that time for some fun run-around-diaperless time. That's probably what I'd try first, assuming like many toddlers he enjoys scampering about half- or all naked.
posted by SaltySalticid at 7:41 AM on March 28, 2019 [1 favorite]