How to Meet in the Middle of the Mattress?

February 23, 2019 8:27 PM

I love my bed, but my boyfriend does not. He gave up his much loved bed when we moved in together this past summer and he has not adapted to it over the past 7 months like I hoped. What can we do to make him more comfortable without buying a brand new bed?

Me:
- Back sleeper
- Like a firm bed (used to sleep on the floor!)
- 5'5"
- His old bed hurt my back

Him:
- Side sleeper
- Likes a very soft bed that hugs him like a cloud
- 6'6"
- My bed/our current bed hurts his hips

Our current bed is a King IKEA Sultan Holmsta spring mattress (medium firm) purchased a little more than 4 years ago on top of a West Elm bed frame with a wood slats base. We've added an IKEA Sultan TjÖme mattress topper from his old bed but it isn't enough. I also noticed it says 2008 on the tag so maybe it needs to be replaced? I think the main difference is that I do not have box springs. Sleeping on his old bed was very "squishy" but due to the springs/give I had trouble falling asleep as I'd roll into him and spend the night trying to climb out to the edge since he's so much bigger than me.

Is there any solution that could make this bed work better for him without sacrificing my sleep or buying a whole new bed? I suppose I'm looking for a topper of some sort? What is the most squishy kind that will support the hips of a side sleeper? Is it possible to put on a twin topper (for his side only) without the bed sliding around?

posted by Bunglegirl to Home & Garden (9 answers total)

I sound like your BF and we have a similar mattress. Life saver was an amazing body pillow. Mine was from MedCline. It’s like a miracle. No topper needed.
posted by Sassyfras at 8:34 PM on February 23, 2019

I can't say enough good things about the Beautyrest geo mat topper. It is a borizontally sliced foam that is used for orthopedic patients, who have recovery needs, also just for regular beds. They come in 2.5 or 3.5 inch thickness. They support, but allow for countour comfort. I can sleep on the 2.5 on a carpeted floor with reasonable comfort. They are not expensive, and walmart has them, sometimes on good sales. They are bare foam, so you need a nice mattress pad. Hips issues might need the 3.5 but probably not. They also dampen bed motion, something about their density. here
posted by Oyéah at 8:39 PM on February 23, 2019 [5 favorites]

I am a side sleeper who likes really soft beds, and I like our memory foam topper on a hard bed (no amount of body pillows or anything else helps me with a hard bed. I need my hips to sink in to align my spine, but then I am a woman). You need a nice thick one though, and I'm not sure how to then stop it moving around on top of the bed - my only idea is if you can find a much harder topper you can live with for your side, and then stitch them together somehow.

Alternatively, pick a smaller mattress each and push them together?
posted by stillnocturnal at 3:47 AM on February 24, 2019 [3 favorites]

Best answer: I have a twin memory foam topper on just half of my king bed and it doesn't move around at all.
posted by metasarah at 7:08 AM on February 24, 2019

Bigger German beds have 2 twin mattresses inside. I have a 100% wool mattress and my husband has the one he chose. It’s awesome. We also have separate duvets.
posted by catspajammies at 9:39 AM on February 24, 2019 [3 favorites]

(Sorry! I didn’t get to the bottom- but a bed like that might work if your other efforts don’t)
posted by catspajammies at 9:40 AM on February 24, 2019

Best answer: We have the split mattresses as well, my wife has a super soft mattress I have a hard one. We go for one duvet, though, because we’re rebels. But can’t reccommend the set-up enough - bed frame has to hold them ‘together’ though or they become unmanageable.
posted by From Bklyn at 10:09 AM on February 24, 2019 [1 favorite]

+1 body pillows

I actually use a thin pillow between my knees and a standard pillow to hug to keep my shoulders from caving in. Smaller pillows let me move around a bit in my sleep and are easier to get out of the way to snuggle a bedmate.
posted by momus_window at 11:05 AM on February 24, 2019

Best answer: King sizes are exactly two twin, so getting a topper for your husband sounds like the best idea. When I had this problem, 3.5" was enough for me to feel snuggled by the mattress. Memory foam, by nature, is very friction-y and shouldn't move around too much, but if you're worried about it, get a cover for it and attach bed suspenders to it (get a twin size). It goes under the mattress and connects to each corner, so you won't feel it there.
posted by FirstMateKate at 2:21 PM on February 24, 2019