Snake Neighbour
February 20, 2019 8:26 AM Subscribe
It's 3am and I've just been crying for a couple of hours. I moved house a couple of weeks ago and a couple of hours ago I just met one of the people which shares the house that's been turned into studios and they had their snake with them. I can't deal with living two metres from a snake. There's no-one I can call because it's fine and legitimate and this is brown snake land but I'm weak and afraid. How do.you sleep with a snake just there
When they came I was kind of paralysed. A dealer I know has a jaguar python and he chucks it on people who are afraid of snakes so luckily I had the gut reaction to fake it and pretend I was ok, pet it once while they introduced me to the snake but I just can't deal.
I have GAD and shit and I just can't go back to sleep, all I can think of is the snake above me. I mean always was and always will be Aboriginal land and the snake has more right to live here than me by a long shot, I'm the settler-colonist POS no doubt but I can't afford to move and I've just been having a pnaic attack for hours how. I can't call anyone for help because like it's fine, go snake, but I'm just personally way too weak to deal with it.
I keep falling asleep for a couple of minutes and immediately having snake nightmares and waking back up.
If anyone has any actual advice or even just stories about how well-behaved snakes are as pets and how I'm not going to wake up with a brown snake cuddled beside me I would really appreciate just anything at this point.
I will go to my psych ASAP but I can't do that RN. I just need to make it to through a couple of days with the snake there.
When they came I was kind of paralysed. A dealer I know has a jaguar python and he chucks it on people who are afraid of snakes so luckily I had the gut reaction to fake it and pretend I was ok, pet it once while they introduced me to the snake but I just can't deal.
I have GAD and shit and I just can't go back to sleep, all I can think of is the snake above me. I mean always was and always will be Aboriginal land and the snake has more right to live here than me by a long shot, I'm the settler-colonist POS no doubt but I can't afford to move and I've just been having a pnaic attack for hours how. I can't call anyone for help because like it's fine, go snake, but I'm just personally way too weak to deal with it.
I keep falling asleep for a couple of minutes and immediately having snake nightmares and waking back up.
If anyone has any actual advice or even just stories about how well-behaved snakes are as pets and how I'm not going to wake up with a brown snake cuddled beside me I would really appreciate just anything at this point.
I will go to my psych ASAP but I can't do that RN. I just need to make it to through a couple of days with the snake there.
Best answer: You slept fine when you moved in and didn't know there was a snake there, right? Therefore it is possible to sleep with a snake in your vicinity if you can't see the snake. If you can't see the snake right now, that means it's in its tank with the lid clamped on or in the hands of its handler-- either way, it's not with you and won't be. Snakes don't go out for fun.
Snakes don't want to leave their tanks. The snake is not going to get out of the warm tank with the heat lamp where they get fed to come visit you-- they're lazy, food-motivated, and like to be cozy and safe. They have no interest in you because they have a nice home, and snakes are inherently not curious.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Please speak to your psych as soon as you can. You can beat this and learn to live near snakes, even if you never learn to love them. You were able to fake it once, and that means you have the potential in you to be brave and cope.
Also, not everyone is an asshole who throws snakes on people. Most snake owners are nice people who like snakes and who want you to like their snake, but who will let you alone if you obviously don't want to. I would say that later, when you are feeling better, speak to your neighbor or drop them a note asking to keep the snake inside so you don't see it.
posted by blnkfrnk at 8:46 AM on February 20, 2019 [26 favorites]
Snakes don't want to leave their tanks. The snake is not going to get out of the warm tank with the heat lamp where they get fed to come visit you-- they're lazy, food-motivated, and like to be cozy and safe. They have no interest in you because they have a nice home, and snakes are inherently not curious.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Please speak to your psych as soon as you can. You can beat this and learn to live near snakes, even if you never learn to love them. You were able to fake it once, and that means you have the potential in you to be brave and cope.
Also, not everyone is an asshole who throws snakes on people. Most snake owners are nice people who like snakes and who want you to like their snake, but who will let you alone if you obviously don't want to. I would say that later, when you are feeling better, speak to your neighbor or drop them a note asking to keep the snake inside so you don't see it.
posted by blnkfrnk at 8:46 AM on February 20, 2019 [26 favorites]
Best answer: Speaking as a person with great big snake-o-phobia (partly from having a snake chucked on me by surprise as a kid, THANKS SCOTT): I totally, totally get how you feel.
I was unclear from your description whether you're sharing a house with the snake owner, or whether the house has been divided into flats. Either way, it's true, it's unlikely that the snake is going to get into your space -- even more so if this is a house divided up into separate flats, versus someone just having a room in a shared house.
Personally, I could deal with a neighbor having a snake (although I wouldn't love it), but if it's a housemate, I'd want to know that their room was locked, and also would want to know how often the snake is out of its enclosure and how they generally manage and supervise it. I mean, fear of snakes is a very common one, and even if you didn't have a phobia, any animal owner needs to be responsible for making sure the animal doesn't go where it isn't wanted.
But also, yes, treatment for the phobia with a professional would help, if the living situation can't change. Sending you strength -- I really know how visceral and unnerving this fear is.
posted by profreader at 8:49 AM on February 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
I was unclear from your description whether you're sharing a house with the snake owner, or whether the house has been divided into flats. Either way, it's true, it's unlikely that the snake is going to get into your space -- even more so if this is a house divided up into separate flats, versus someone just having a room in a shared house.
Personally, I could deal with a neighbor having a snake (although I wouldn't love it), but if it's a housemate, I'd want to know that their room was locked, and also would want to know how often the snake is out of its enclosure and how they generally manage and supervise it. I mean, fear of snakes is a very common one, and even if you didn't have a phobia, any animal owner needs to be responsible for making sure the animal doesn't go where it isn't wanted.
But also, yes, treatment for the phobia with a professional would help, if the living situation can't change. Sending you strength -- I really know how visceral and unnerving this fear is.
posted by profreader at 8:49 AM on February 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Yes it is just a snake, there's nothing to be afraid of, of course, etc, safer than dogs, whatever. However, having irrational phobias is like, a legitimate known mental health condition, and snake phobia is one of the classics. I would say most people, even those normally clueless about mental health, have some understanding of this.
If you have a friend you would ask for a place to stay for a few days under a different inconvenient circumstance, like a power outage or broken plumbing, then it strikes me as okay to also ask in this situation.
I think a snake phobia is just a phobia and viewing it politically is probably not helpful. And in any case, whatever rights that animals and other parts of nature do have, they can't possibly have more of a right than you to live in a human apartment building.
posted by vogon_poet at 9:03 AM on February 20, 2019 [9 favorites]
If you have a friend you would ask for a place to stay for a few days under a different inconvenient circumstance, like a power outage or broken plumbing, then it strikes me as okay to also ask in this situation.
I think a snake phobia is just a phobia and viewing it politically is probably not helpful. And in any case, whatever rights that animals and other parts of nature do have, they can't possibly have more of a right than you to live in a human apartment building.
posted by vogon_poet at 9:03 AM on February 20, 2019 [9 favorites]
Best answer: I kept dozens of snakes at a time for several years; they are very shy creatures and prefer small dark spaces and small rodents; a human is a big scary predator and they want nothing to do with us, although they can get used to being handled.
posted by The otter lady at 9:11 AM on February 20, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by The otter lady at 9:11 AM on February 20, 2019 [8 favorites]
Hey, I can‘t really speak about phobias and I like snakes, but just wanted to say, you are not a POS!
I mean, you‘re totally allowed to hate on that snake and hate that it‘s here and you should be really kind to yourself for feeling that way because it sounds exhausting.
posted by Omnomnom at 9:25 AM on February 20, 2019 [9 favorites]
I mean, you‘re totally allowed to hate on that snake and hate that it‘s here and you should be really kind to yourself for feeling that way because it sounds exhausting.
posted by Omnomnom at 9:25 AM on February 20, 2019 [9 favorites]
Best answer: I have some phobias, although not a snake phobia. What would help me in this immediate situation, (trying to get some sleep tonight,) is to say the following mantra: "the threat is safely contained." The world has snakes, one expert snake person has captured, (even if it was actually rescued or bought, whatever,) one of the loose snakes in the world and now it is safely and securely contained. Life was a horror movie where there was a snake loose in the world, and this is the happy scene at the end where the snake menace has been isolated and is now under lock and key. I am several secure layers of [wall material] away from the snake, which is safely contained.
Also, how essential is it for you to face reality in this situation? I find a certain thing scary, and I was in proximity to that thing for a few years. I was in a position to either acclimate to it or pretend it didn't exist. The actual reality of this thing had zero consequences for the rest of my life, so I personally found it easier to pretend that it didn't exist. What would help me deal is to live in denial from tomorrow on. If this works for you, you could pretend your neighbor gave away the snake. The snake is gone. What snake? You never see it. He must have gotten rid of it. I hear your neighbor gave it to a nice snake farm upstate. Imagine him taking the snake tank out of the apartment (in this vision the tank is a giant Acme cartoon safe) and driving it far away from your home. This might actually help me sleep - imagine your neighbor taking the tank and driving off into the sunset. He will return in the morning, without the snake.
If you are not as good at denial (or want to find a healthier response!) you could consider everyone else's excellent advice above and acclimatize to the idea. Asking your neighbor to describe his safety setup to you, visualize the snake in this safe setup, etc. (As well as asking about his license to own this snake - I think you need one for Australia?) Unless of course, the snake doesn't exist, because he gave it away.
posted by prewar lemonade at 9:29 AM on February 20, 2019 [12 favorites]
Also, how essential is it for you to face reality in this situation? I find a certain thing scary, and I was in proximity to that thing for a few years. I was in a position to either acclimate to it or pretend it didn't exist. The actual reality of this thing had zero consequences for the rest of my life, so I personally found it easier to pretend that it didn't exist. What would help me deal is to live in denial from tomorrow on. If this works for you, you could pretend your neighbor gave away the snake. The snake is gone. What snake? You never see it. He must have gotten rid of it. I hear your neighbor gave it to a nice snake farm upstate. Imagine him taking the snake tank out of the apartment (in this vision the tank is a giant Acme cartoon safe) and driving it far away from your home. This might actually help me sleep - imagine your neighbor taking the tank and driving off into the sunset. He will return in the morning, without the snake.
If you are not as good at denial (or want to find a healthier response!) you could consider everyone else's excellent advice above and acclimatize to the idea. Asking your neighbor to describe his safety setup to you, visualize the snake in this safe setup, etc. (As well as asking about his license to own this snake - I think you need one for Australia?) Unless of course, the snake doesn't exist, because he gave it away.
posted by prewar lemonade at 9:29 AM on February 20, 2019 [12 favorites]
I would also suggest talking to the snake's owner (I mean, not at 3am, but in the morning or whatever). The dealer you mentioned sounds like a major ass (shouldn't be throwing a snake period, much less at people, much less at people who don't like snakes), and your neighbor will probably be a reasonable person about it. Mention that you have a phobia, and ask them about how the snake is housed, when it is generally out of its enclosure, whether it likes to escape, etc. I'm sure they will reassure you about the situation. Maybe they would even be willing to send you a text or something once the snake is secured for the night? At least for the time being?
posted by Rock Steady at 9:34 AM on February 20, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by Rock Steady at 9:34 AM on February 20, 2019 [5 favorites]
Response by poster: A couple of details.
It's what was once maybe a 4 or 5 bedroom house, it's been turned into multiple apartments and studio apartments. To the best of my knowledge legally, if it wasn't I'm not going to do anything about it anyway because I can't risk my housing like that.
I can't actually remember anything the owner said to me. I think it was a woman? I don't know why they went for an early morning walk with their snake on their shoulders. I can't really remember anything but the snake. I talked to them for a couple of minutes, but I can only remember that there was just a snake right there. It's probably a legal snake. I don't even know which address is theirs, I just know they said they're the one right above me.
I'm questioning now whether it was a brown snake, some sort of python seems far more likely, I just know it was maybe two metres long, c. 15cm diameter. It was dark and the snake was dark.
I've never really considered that I might have a snake phobia. I just thought most everyone was afraid of snakes like this. There's like 5 kinds of snakes you run into here, carpet pythons are fine but brown, king brown, red belly black and inland taipans are dangerous and have killed family pets in the past. I really can't go researching snake facts if I want to sleep again this month.
I sort of know that the snake doesn't want trouble even if it does escape, but I have this idea that if it did it would come to a human for the warmth of the body while I sleep. I imagine that if I happened upon the snake, I would react badly and scare the snake into retaliation and I just don't have a shovel or the confidence of some family members in using a shovel if I did.
posted by AnhydrousLove at 9:55 AM on February 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
It's what was once maybe a 4 or 5 bedroom house, it's been turned into multiple apartments and studio apartments. To the best of my knowledge legally, if it wasn't I'm not going to do anything about it anyway because I can't risk my housing like that.
I can't actually remember anything the owner said to me. I think it was a woman? I don't know why they went for an early morning walk with their snake on their shoulders. I can't really remember anything but the snake. I talked to them for a couple of minutes, but I can only remember that there was just a snake right there. It's probably a legal snake. I don't even know which address is theirs, I just know they said they're the one right above me.
I'm questioning now whether it was a brown snake, some sort of python seems far more likely, I just know it was maybe two metres long, c. 15cm diameter. It was dark and the snake was dark.
I've never really considered that I might have a snake phobia. I just thought most everyone was afraid of snakes like this. There's like 5 kinds of snakes you run into here, carpet pythons are fine but brown, king brown, red belly black and inland taipans are dangerous and have killed family pets in the past. I really can't go researching snake facts if I want to sleep again this month.
I sort of know that the snake doesn't want trouble even if it does escape, but I have this idea that if it did it would come to a human for the warmth of the body while I sleep. I imagine that if I happened upon the snake, I would react badly and scare the snake into retaliation and I just don't have a shovel or the confidence of some family members in using a shovel if I did.
posted by AnhydrousLove at 9:55 AM on February 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
So, even if the snake did end up in your bed (which is zero probability because it would much rather stay in its nice warm home then leave its snug home to go exploring but if it did, all you need to do is quietly slide away from the snake, go upstairs and tell your neighbor to get his/her snake. The snake won't hurt you. You don't need a shovel and murderous intent to get rid of it. Just quietly go and arrange for it to go home. And then everything will be fine again. Even if you react badly and scare the snake, the snake isn't going to hurt you. So the worse case, is a moment of fear and then everything is fine - nobody is going to get hurt - not you, not the snake.
posted by metahawk at 10:02 AM on February 20, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by metahawk at 10:02 AM on February 20, 2019 [7 favorites]
Best answer: You're not a POS. You have a fear. I'm not going to criticize you for that.
I'm going to point something out, though, that may help a little: if this woman you met had the snake on her shoulders, then this snake is her pet. And responsible pet owners try really, really hard to make sure their pets stay safe. This woman presumably really, really likes her snake - which may sound crazy to you, but for her it makes sense; for whatever reason, she loves this snake.
And that is GOOD NEWS for you. Because that means that this woman is going to be double- and triple-checking on her snake, every day, to make sure that her snake is exactly where it is supposed to be. She is going to be very, very careful about making sure her snake is in its usual tank, and that tank is secure and has no holes in it. She is going to be very, very careful about hanging on to her snake when she takes it out to clean the tank, and making sure the snake is somewhere where it can't get away. Because - remember, she loves her snake. She wants her snake to stay put! It's her baby!
Arguably, the fact that this snake is her pet means that it is even less likely to find its way into your house, not more likely. Because that snake is her pet, and she wants to keep her pet at home with her. Because that's what people do with pets.
Yes, there's a snake in your building, but that snake also has someone keeping an eye on it that is going to make sure that it will not leave the apartment it belongs in. This woman is your bodyguard against that snake escaping into your apartment, basically.
I would still look into speaking with someone to figure out a longer-term coping strategy for fear (if you want to), but in the meantime, maybe reminding yourself that this snake is her pet, and she's going to be VERY diligent about keeping her pet in HER home will help.
Best of luck.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:13 AM on February 20, 2019 [29 favorites]
I'm going to point something out, though, that may help a little: if this woman you met had the snake on her shoulders, then this snake is her pet. And responsible pet owners try really, really hard to make sure their pets stay safe. This woman presumably really, really likes her snake - which may sound crazy to you, but for her it makes sense; for whatever reason, she loves this snake.
And that is GOOD NEWS for you. Because that means that this woman is going to be double- and triple-checking on her snake, every day, to make sure that her snake is exactly where it is supposed to be. She is going to be very, very careful about making sure her snake is in its usual tank, and that tank is secure and has no holes in it. She is going to be very, very careful about hanging on to her snake when she takes it out to clean the tank, and making sure the snake is somewhere where it can't get away. Because - remember, she loves her snake. She wants her snake to stay put! It's her baby!
Arguably, the fact that this snake is her pet means that it is even less likely to find its way into your house, not more likely. Because that snake is her pet, and she wants to keep her pet at home with her. Because that's what people do with pets.
Yes, there's a snake in your building, but that snake also has someone keeping an eye on it that is going to make sure that it will not leave the apartment it belongs in. This woman is your bodyguard against that snake escaping into your apartment, basically.
I would still look into speaking with someone to figure out a longer-term coping strategy for fear (if you want to), but in the meantime, maybe reminding yourself that this snake is her pet, and she's going to be VERY diligent about keeping her pet in HER home will help.
Best of luck.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:13 AM on February 20, 2019 [29 favorites]
Best answer: I have a pet snake (pet tax applicable?) and once had a roommate who was 1) kind of only vaguely aware of the snake when she moved in and 2) extremely phobic. And by accident of apartment layout, the terrarium had to stay right by the door to her room. I'm happy to say it turned out completely fine, because there's nothing that takes the threat out of Snake (the scary abstract concept) like living with an actual snake (the lazy live noodle).
Terrariums are usually really secure, but even if they weren't, snakes are usually not about escaping. They're about hiding and doing as little as possible. Even if it got out, it wouldn't seek you out. You have to handle snakes regularly to get over their natural mistrust (which is sounds like your neighbor does), and even then they're hardly cuddly. They would never choose Scary Stranger for warmth when there's all these human-free warm nooks around your house.
You don't have to make friends with the snake, but if it's impacting your quality of life to this degree, I encourage you to make friends with the owner. I know all my friends went through the same snake journey when they first met Silas: keen attraction/revulsion (depending on their baseline level of interest in reptiles) for the first 10 minutes, then yawns. If you can experience firsthand how BORING snakes are in real life, it might make cohabitation easier.
posted by Freyja at 10:22 AM on February 20, 2019 [14 favorites]
Terrariums are usually really secure, but even if they weren't, snakes are usually not about escaping. They're about hiding and doing as little as possible. Even if it got out, it wouldn't seek you out. You have to handle snakes regularly to get over their natural mistrust (which is sounds like your neighbor does), and even then they're hardly cuddly. They would never choose Scary Stranger for warmth when there's all these human-free warm nooks around your house.
You don't have to make friends with the snake, but if it's impacting your quality of life to this degree, I encourage you to make friends with the owner. I know all my friends went through the same snake journey when they first met Silas: keen attraction/revulsion (depending on their baseline level of interest in reptiles) for the first 10 minutes, then yawns. If you can experience firsthand how BORING snakes are in real life, it might make cohabitation easier.
posted by Freyja at 10:22 AM on February 20, 2019 [14 favorites]
Best answer: Just to affirm that you are Absolutely not an POS and that, yes, this is exactly what a phobia is. It is preventing you from sleeping, which is pretty much the definition of affecting your health.
I had a roommate in a shared house with snakes, and a guy moved in who was terrified because where he lived in China there were very poisonous snakes. Like others, I can affirm that desensitization training can do wonders. After only a few (informal! free!) sessions, the scared roommate was completely comfortable and Thrilled to handle the snakes himself. You can be comfortable in your home again!
posted by ldthomps at 10:42 AM on February 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
I had a roommate in a shared house with snakes, and a guy moved in who was terrified because where he lived in China there were very poisonous snakes. Like others, I can affirm that desensitization training can do wonders. After only a few (informal! free!) sessions, the scared roommate was completely comfortable and Thrilled to handle the snakes himself. You can be comfortable in your home again!
posted by ldthomps at 10:42 AM on February 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
Best answer: You are not a POS... You have a phobia - my ex-wife was terrified of snakes - she almost jumped over a two-storey indoor balcony, because it was a craft-show and we rounded the corner and the local "snake appreciation society" was having an event... Myself - it is spiders... I wouldn't want to live with anyone in a shared-house who had a spider... Whenever I see one, I just want to smash it and/or run.
But - I know at a certain level, every house has some spiders - living in Australia and spotting the odd huntsman helped with this - but, the big ones still make my skin crawl.
Sigh - I feel for you - it might be good to seek help - but that might not be an easy journey. And the payoff is... You are less afraid of a pet that isn't really a normal mainstream one, a pet that most people will never encounter in their day-to-day lives? Personally, I wouldn't be paying for therapy for that - I would move.
posted by jkaczor at 10:46 AM on February 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
But - I know at a certain level, every house has some spiders - living in Australia and spotting the odd huntsman helped with this - but, the big ones still make my skin crawl.
Sigh - I feel for you - it might be good to seek help - but that might not be an easy journey. And the payoff is... You are less afraid of a pet that isn't really a normal mainstream one, a pet that most people will never encounter in their day-to-day lives? Personally, I wouldn't be paying for therapy for that - I would move.
posted by jkaczor at 10:46 AM on February 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
Best answer: That's so scary to see a snake when you are not expecting one!
Especially if your primary experience of snakes is that they are dangerous and poisonous. So please don't beat yourself up too much.
That said, it is highly unlikely that your neighbor is keeping a poisonous snake for a pet and taking it for walks in public: that would be unbelievably reckless, and possibly illegal depending on local laws. (My brother kept poisonous snakes for a while, but he had to have a permit from the government, and had to have the right kind of antivenom on hand in case one of them bit someone.)
So in all likelihood this is a relatively gentle non-poisonous snake that only wants to eat its food and hang out in a nice warm cage.
I hope that helps reassure you a little bit.
posted by suelac at 10:48 AM on February 20, 2019 [5 favorites]
Especially if your primary experience of snakes is that they are dangerous and poisonous. So please don't beat yourself up too much.
That said, it is highly unlikely that your neighbor is keeping a poisonous snake for a pet and taking it for walks in public: that would be unbelievably reckless, and possibly illegal depending on local laws. (My brother kept poisonous snakes for a while, but he had to have a permit from the government, and had to have the right kind of antivenom on hand in case one of them bit someone.)
So in all likelihood this is a relatively gentle non-poisonous snake that only wants to eat its food and hang out in a nice warm cage.
I hope that helps reassure you a little bit.
posted by suelac at 10:48 AM on February 20, 2019 [5 favorites]
Best answer: I've never really considered that I might have a snake phobia. I just thought most everyone was afraid of snakes like this.
This resonates with me so much! I don't have any strong phobias, but a year or two ago I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and I was like "wait, really? Doesn't everybody's mind work this way? Don't other people worry about x y and z this same amount?" It was a true revelation that, no, they really don't - and knowing that fact has made me able to address my issues much more effectively. So I think you should celebrate the newfound knowledge that you probably have a snake phobia! That's step one to seeking treatment or other solutions to this (very common) problem.
Also:
I'm questioning now whether it was a brown snake, some sort of python seems far more likely, I just know it was maybe two metres long, c. 15cm diameter. It was dark and the snake was dark.
I'd be pretty surprised if a person went for a casual walk draped with a highly venomous snake. It's most likely not a brown snake.
posted by showbiz_liz at 11:12 AM on February 20, 2019 [9 favorites]
This resonates with me so much! I don't have any strong phobias, but a year or two ago I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and I was like "wait, really? Doesn't everybody's mind work this way? Don't other people worry about x y and z this same amount?" It was a true revelation that, no, they really don't - and knowing that fact has made me able to address my issues much more effectively. So I think you should celebrate the newfound knowledge that you probably have a snake phobia! That's step one to seeking treatment or other solutions to this (very common) problem.
Also:
I'm questioning now whether it was a brown snake, some sort of python seems far more likely, I just know it was maybe two metres long, c. 15cm diameter. It was dark and the snake was dark.
I'd be pretty surprised if a person went for a casual walk draped with a highly venomous snake. It's most likely not a brown snake.
posted by showbiz_liz at 11:12 AM on February 20, 2019 [9 favorites]
Response by poster: Thank you everyone. I've calmed down a lot since it happened, even if a couple of hours sleep will have to suffice for today.
It was mostly the suddenness and the unlikeliness that got to me I think, I got up to open the door for some fresh air and there was a very unexpected snake just there.
I'm really not anti-snake, the shovel comments aren't about my preferred way of dealing with a rogue snake, it's probably a very old fashioned way of dealing with them, it's just what popped into my mind as to how more confident people I know have dealt with wild venomous snakes coming into their home in the past. Ideally I believe there are people you can call who will remove them, but this isn't even about a wild snake.
As I said, I will be seeking help with more long-term solutions to this fear. I see now that I'm maybe more scared than most, but I would encourage anyone who lives in Australia to maintain a robustly healthy level of caution with regard to snakes.
Also I want to say that the POS comment is not about my being afraid so much as it's about being a settler-colonist and the idea that snakes should be allowed their habitats.
You were all a great help in calming my immediate concerns about what a snake might want to be doing. Thanks again.
Also, Freyja, Silas is very cute.
posted by AnhydrousLove at 12:27 PM on February 20, 2019 [7 favorites]
It was mostly the suddenness and the unlikeliness that got to me I think, I got up to open the door for some fresh air and there was a very unexpected snake just there.
I'm really not anti-snake, the shovel comments aren't about my preferred way of dealing with a rogue snake, it's probably a very old fashioned way of dealing with them, it's just what popped into my mind as to how more confident people I know have dealt with wild venomous snakes coming into their home in the past. Ideally I believe there are people you can call who will remove them, but this isn't even about a wild snake.
As I said, I will be seeking help with more long-term solutions to this fear. I see now that I'm maybe more scared than most, but I would encourage anyone who lives in Australia to maintain a robustly healthy level of caution with regard to snakes.
Also I want to say that the POS comment is not about my being afraid so much as it's about being a settler-colonist and the idea that snakes should be allowed their habitats.
You were all a great help in calming my immediate concerns about what a snake might want to be doing. Thanks again.
Also, Freyja, Silas is very cute.
posted by AnhydrousLove at 12:27 PM on February 20, 2019 [7 favorites]
"luckily I had the gut reaction to fake it and pretend I was ok, pet it once while they introduced me to the snake but I just can't deal"
Can I just say how impressed I am with you for managing to do that?
From what you've written you're clearly afraid of snakes on a level that's beyond anything I've experienced (we only have super mellow non-poisonous snakes where I live), and despite your fear you were able to have a conversation with a stranger who was draped in snake and then you pet her snake when she invited you too. That's amazing and really brave.
posted by Secret Sparrow at 12:52 PM on February 20, 2019 [16 favorites]
Can I just say how impressed I am with you for managing to do that?
From what you've written you're clearly afraid of snakes on a level that's beyond anything I've experienced (we only have super mellow non-poisonous snakes where I live), and despite your fear you were able to have a conversation with a stranger who was draped in snake and then you pet her snake when she invited you too. That's amazing and really brave.
posted by Secret Sparrow at 12:52 PM on February 20, 2019 [16 favorites]
I grew up in North America and I am not afraid of snakes. That said, I lived in Australia for a few years (FNQ no less) and I have a very healthy respect for the fact that there are plenty that can fuck with me. Some thoughts:
(1) You have a snake phobia. That's ok! And oh my gosh you pet it! My mom is super snake-phobic and there is NO WAY she would have managed that. Good for you for managing a freaky situation so amazingly bravely.
(2) I know a number of snake owners. They also have a very healthy respect for snakes and learn a lot about them, and there is NO WAY IN HELL any a snake pet owner would own a bloody brown snake and have it hang out on their shoulders. I'm sure it's a python.
(3) I have a spider phobia the way my mom (and you) have snake phobia. You can then imagine how much I just loved living in a poorly sealed Queenslander in the goddamn rainforest for two years. There is seriously something to be said for informal exposure therapy - I went from "I literally cannot sleep in this house tonight, I saw a Huntsman in the living room earlier" to "okay fucker, that's your floor of the house, this is mine, let's not violate our treaty" and being able to sleep more soundly. You can of course seek professional help, but literally just having to put up with it did a lot for my tolerance. Hopefully it will for yours, especially since it's in a nice cozy terrarium it doesn't want to leave, unlike those asshole spiders that are everywhere.
posted by olinerd at 1:13 PM on February 20, 2019 [6 favorites]
(1) You have a snake phobia. That's ok! And oh my gosh you pet it! My mom is super snake-phobic and there is NO WAY she would have managed that. Good for you for managing a freaky situation so amazingly bravely.
(2) I know a number of snake owners. They also have a very healthy respect for snakes and learn a lot about them, and there is NO WAY IN HELL any a snake pet owner would own a bloody brown snake and have it hang out on their shoulders. I'm sure it's a python.
(3) I have a spider phobia the way my mom (and you) have snake phobia. You can then imagine how much I just loved living in a poorly sealed Queenslander in the goddamn rainforest for two years. There is seriously something to be said for informal exposure therapy - I went from "I literally cannot sleep in this house tonight, I saw a Huntsman in the living room earlier" to "okay fucker, that's your floor of the house, this is mine, let's not violate our treaty" and being able to sleep more soundly. You can of course seek professional help, but literally just having to put up with it did a lot for my tolerance. Hopefully it will for yours, especially since it's in a nice cozy terrarium it doesn't want to leave, unlike those asshole spiders that are everywhere.
posted by olinerd at 1:13 PM on February 20, 2019 [6 favorites]
I am a lot more afraid of snakes than you are. I'm frightened of touching pictures of them. Sometimes I can't bring myself to say or write the word. I really freaked out while reading these answers because one came on the tv at the same time and it was all too much.
I too think that it was very brave of you to not visibly freak out, and my understanding is that repeatedly doing things like that (but planned) is exactly how you successfully get rid of a phobia. If you want to address this, you've got really good evidence that you can.
posted by plonkee at 1:42 PM on February 20, 2019 [6 favorites]
I too think that it was very brave of you to not visibly freak out, and my understanding is that repeatedly doing things like that (but planned) is exactly how you successfully get rid of a phobia. If you want to address this, you've got really good evidence that you can.
posted by plonkee at 1:42 PM on February 20, 2019 [6 favorites]
It's not going to be a brown snake. People aren't allowed to keep them as pets, and they don't get tame and like to hang out on shoulders like pythons do. People are only allowed to keep the non poisonous ones. (I looked into this once. I like snakes and thought about getting one).
If she did have an illegal snake, she wouldn't be taking it out for walks because she'd be worried about being caught.
So it's not poisonous. Doesn't mean it's not scary to you, of course.
Secondly, if it helps at all, the pythons people tend to keep for pets are not really local to this region. They are more from up north, Queensland, etc. Or even overseas. They are also settler colonialists !
I don't know if that helps.
Another thing. They aren't likely to seek out humans for warmth. It's summer. It's warm enough for them already. And if it gets out it will look for a dark corner where it will feel safe, where a giant creature is not moving, rustling and snoring unpredictably. Like I said, I really like snakes, and even the best behaved pythons I've played with have been really reluctant to come to me and stay on my arms instead of their owner's. I also have stayed in houses that have local snakes in the roof or under the floors andi have WANTED to see them so bad to take their picture, say hi, etc, but just couldn't, because they are shy and don't want to come out when humans are around.
Finally, yes to be honest this sounds like a phobia. That's good news! It means exposure therapy is likely to help. See your psychologist when you can.
And if you want a place to stay for a couple of nights if you can't sleep in the meantime, we have a spare room.
I have a lot of sympathy. Back when I was very phobic of spiders, I discovered my house mate had a room absolutely lined with aquariums full of them. Our rooms shared a wall! It was horrifying. The good news is that nowadays, that wouldn't bother me at all. You can definitely get to a point of feeling okay about snakes.
posted by lollusc at 2:05 PM on February 20, 2019 [8 favorites]
If she did have an illegal snake, she wouldn't be taking it out for walks because she'd be worried about being caught.
So it's not poisonous. Doesn't mean it's not scary to you, of course.
Secondly, if it helps at all, the pythons people tend to keep for pets are not really local to this region. They are more from up north, Queensland, etc. Or even overseas. They are also settler colonialists !
I don't know if that helps.
Another thing. They aren't likely to seek out humans for warmth. It's summer. It's warm enough for them already. And if it gets out it will look for a dark corner where it will feel safe, where a giant creature is not moving, rustling and snoring unpredictably. Like I said, I really like snakes, and even the best behaved pythons I've played with have been really reluctant to come to me and stay on my arms instead of their owner's. I also have stayed in houses that have local snakes in the roof or under the floors andi have WANTED to see them so bad to take their picture, say hi, etc, but just couldn't, because they are shy and don't want to come out when humans are around.
Finally, yes to be honest this sounds like a phobia. That's good news! It means exposure therapy is likely to help. See your psychologist when you can.
And if you want a place to stay for a couple of nights if you can't sleep in the meantime, we have a spare room.
I have a lot of sympathy. Back when I was very phobic of spiders, I discovered my house mate had a room absolutely lined with aquariums full of them. Our rooms shared a wall! It was horrifying. The good news is that nowadays, that wouldn't bother me at all. You can definitely get to a point of feeling okay about snakes.
posted by lollusc at 2:05 PM on February 20, 2019 [8 favorites]
So I'm in Australia too, have contemplated getting a snake of my own, and I can promise you that animal is not a venomous snake. It doesn't matter what you have locally, because pet snakes come from breeders, not from the local area, so it really doesn't matter what you'd having living wild. It's also difficult and expensive to have poisonous snakes as pets, not particularly rewarding (they don't like to be played with and are generally too aggressive) and even if your neighbour has opted not to go through the legislative hoops to get a poisonous pet they're not going to be walking around with them on their shoulders. That's 100% some kind of python.
Also, the size you're telling me is also a big giveaway. Pythons pork up in ways venomous snakes don't - and the bigger they get the lazier they tend to be. Your neighbour basically has a scaly bolster cushion that gets a feed every now and then. Even if the python gets out mostly what it's going to want to do is get back to its light, not seek out a body, and this time of year? It's too hot basically anywhere to want to snuggle with the people next door.
Your new neighbour is probably used to people being frightened of her snake. I'd suggest, in addition to the advice above about aversion therapy, just asking the neighbour what the snake's name is. It'll help take it from FUCKING BROWN SNAKE to "Raspberry in Number Five" or whatever. We did a similar thing with my son's fear of dogs - got the names of the two big boofheads on the corner, so they stopped being AAAARGH DOGS and started being Milly and Cooper.
I also have this for you:
"Dear Metafilter: I'm a single female carpet python living with a predatory biped. We've got a good relationship - the biped hasn't tried to eat me, and mostly likes to give me rats from time to time, as well as water and a heat lamp in winter.
We've just moved, and my god, there's just....predatory bipeds everywhere. My ancestors have been eaten by predatory bipeds for as long as we can remember. They also use our skins to decorate their feet and carry stuff around! The place we've just moved to has like, a half dozen unfamiliar predatory bipeds and I'm not sure how to proceed.
I know predatory bipeds mostly like to eat pizza shapes and there's no evidence to date of random bipeds kidnapping pythons to eat, but can you reccomend some tactics to help calm me down?"
posted by Jilder at 3:06 PM on February 20, 2019 [16 favorites]
Also, the size you're telling me is also a big giveaway. Pythons pork up in ways venomous snakes don't - and the bigger they get the lazier they tend to be. Your neighbour basically has a scaly bolster cushion that gets a feed every now and then. Even if the python gets out mostly what it's going to want to do is get back to its light, not seek out a body, and this time of year? It's too hot basically anywhere to want to snuggle with the people next door.
Your new neighbour is probably used to people being frightened of her snake. I'd suggest, in addition to the advice above about aversion therapy, just asking the neighbour what the snake's name is. It'll help take it from FUCKING BROWN SNAKE to "Raspberry in Number Five" or whatever. We did a similar thing with my son's fear of dogs - got the names of the two big boofheads on the corner, so they stopped being AAAARGH DOGS and started being Milly and Cooper.
I also have this for you:
"Dear Metafilter: I'm a single female carpet python living with a predatory biped. We've got a good relationship - the biped hasn't tried to eat me, and mostly likes to give me rats from time to time, as well as water and a heat lamp in winter.
We've just moved, and my god, there's just....predatory bipeds everywhere. My ancestors have been eaten by predatory bipeds for as long as we can remember. They also use our skins to decorate their feet and carry stuff around! The place we've just moved to has like, a half dozen unfamiliar predatory bipeds and I'm not sure how to proceed.
I know predatory bipeds mostly like to eat pizza shapes and there's no evidence to date of random bipeds kidnapping pythons to eat, but can you reccomend some tactics to help calm me down?"
posted by Jilder at 3:06 PM on February 20, 2019 [16 favorites]
If you are friendly/friends with the neighbor, maybe you share that you're somewhat phobic about snakes and would like to learn more about hers to help put your mind at ease. What species is it, how long has she had it, what's its name, etc. Then maybe spend some time in her apartment with snake if that's something that's workable and appropriate for your level of friendliness/her comfort level with having folks in her home.
I suggest this because "Jeremy, a python who was adopted by Sybil 3 years ago after being rescued by the animal society, is a couch potato who loves hiding in his terrarium" is way less scary than "snake next door." The unknowns are too easy to fill in with scary imaginings.
I am really terrified of unexpected snakes, particularly because I live in an area where multiple types of venomous snakes are present. If I see a snake on the ground outside I will panic and get away as quickly as possible - I do not stop to see what kind it is. Scream and scram. A pet snake, known to be non-venomous, I can observe from several feet away and then slowly approach with caution, but much less fear.
It's really important to be comfortable in your own home. I wish you success!
posted by bunderful at 3:31 PM on February 20, 2019 [6 favorites]
I suggest this because "Jeremy, a python who was adopted by Sybil 3 years ago after being rescued by the animal society, is a couch potato who loves hiding in his terrarium" is way less scary than "snake next door." The unknowns are too easy to fill in with scary imaginings.
I am really terrified of unexpected snakes, particularly because I live in an area where multiple types of venomous snakes are present. If I see a snake on the ground outside I will panic and get away as quickly as possible - I do not stop to see what kind it is. Scream and scram. A pet snake, known to be non-venomous, I can observe from several feet away and then slowly approach with caution, but much less fear.
It's really important to be comfortable in your own home. I wish you success!
posted by bunderful at 3:31 PM on February 20, 2019 [6 favorites]
Good on you mate, sounds like you're already getting over the hump.
It may be helpful for you to try separating the phobia ("I am scared of snakes, they make me uncomfortable.") from the danger ("the snake will get me"). Because the former is actually fine. Lots of people are scared or uncomfortable about stuff. And owning that is fine. When people say they are nervous around dogs, for eg, only fuckheads would judge them for that. You can be scared of snakes, while at the same time accepting that they pose little to no danger to you. That way you can process fear in a non judgemental way. Like you would if you didn't like eating raw tomato or something.
Regarding the latter. The snake won't get you, I promise. Firstly it is not a brown snake, I hundred percent guarantee. It is highly illegal to keep brown snakes as pets, one bite would hospitalise you, they are shy and generally much smaller and reedier than people think (the big ones are years and years old, they grow really slowly). Colour is actually one of the worst ways to identify snakes, you know. For example, most snakes in Australia are brown, but are not brown snakes, and the latter can also be greenish, yellow etc. Your neighbour almost certainly has a (non venomous) python.
Snakes are by nature almost painfully shy. They will do almost anything to avoid people and almost all bites occur when someone accidentally steps on a snake that couldn't get away fast enough, or is picking up the snake and getting a tool with it.
Furthermore, they are way less mobile than people think. Most snakes barely move for weeks at a time, if they are well fed (which this one would be). When they do move, it's to find another place to sleep, mostly. Snakes are a bit like bees;they only bite when they absolutely have to and feel there are no other options.
Good on you for not judging yourself too harshly about this, you'll get through it.
posted by smoke at 3:56 PM on February 20, 2019 [4 favorites]
It may be helpful for you to try separating the phobia ("I am scared of snakes, they make me uncomfortable.") from the danger ("the snake will get me"). Because the former is actually fine. Lots of people are scared or uncomfortable about stuff. And owning that is fine. When people say they are nervous around dogs, for eg, only fuckheads would judge them for that. You can be scared of snakes, while at the same time accepting that they pose little to no danger to you. That way you can process fear in a non judgemental way. Like you would if you didn't like eating raw tomato or something.
Regarding the latter. The snake won't get you, I promise. Firstly it is not a brown snake, I hundred percent guarantee. It is highly illegal to keep brown snakes as pets, one bite would hospitalise you, they are shy and generally much smaller and reedier than people think (the big ones are years and years old, they grow really slowly). Colour is actually one of the worst ways to identify snakes, you know. For example, most snakes in Australia are brown, but are not brown snakes, and the latter can also be greenish, yellow etc. Your neighbour almost certainly has a (non venomous) python.
Snakes are by nature almost painfully shy. They will do almost anything to avoid people and almost all bites occur when someone accidentally steps on a snake that couldn't get away fast enough, or is picking up the snake and getting a tool with it.
Furthermore, they are way less mobile than people think. Most snakes barely move for weeks at a time, if they are well fed (which this one would be). When they do move, it's to find another place to sleep, mostly. Snakes are a bit like bees;they only bite when they absolutely have to and feel there are no other options.
Good on you for not judging yourself too harshly about this, you'll get through it.
posted by smoke at 3:56 PM on February 20, 2019 [4 favorites]
I haven't seen this mentioned above, and you seem to have gotten past the initial panic attack, but are there some active steps that you can take to ensure that you have a guaranteed snake-free room so you can at least get some sleep? Desensitization and other methods are all good long-term strategies, but if there is a way that you can take control of the situation and reassure yourself in the process, that might help both in the short and long term.
What I'm thinking is snake-proofing your room. A room isn't porous, there are actually very few ways even for a snake to get in, especially if it is relatively big. What are all the avenues by which the snake could get into your room? Under the door? Figure out a super-secure way to block it, like stuffing material under it and then putting heavy bricks in front of it on your side of the door. Through a vent or an open window? Nail up some snake-proof mesh. You may even need to do a "snake sweep" before you go to bed, looking in every possible place that a snake could be to 100% reassure yourself that the snake isn't in the same space as you. Now you have a snake-free and snake-proof fortress in which to relax, sleep, and prepare yourself for any future snake encounters.
Nthing not to beat yourself up over this. Having a phobia is not something to be ashamed of or to apologize about.
posted by Preserver at 8:53 PM on February 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
What I'm thinking is snake-proofing your room. A room isn't porous, there are actually very few ways even for a snake to get in, especially if it is relatively big. What are all the avenues by which the snake could get into your room? Under the door? Figure out a super-secure way to block it, like stuffing material under it and then putting heavy bricks in front of it on your side of the door. Through a vent or an open window? Nail up some snake-proof mesh. You may even need to do a "snake sweep" before you go to bed, looking in every possible place that a snake could be to 100% reassure yourself that the snake isn't in the same space as you. Now you have a snake-free and snake-proof fortress in which to relax, sleep, and prepare yourself for any future snake encounters.
Nthing not to beat yourself up over this. Having a phobia is not something to be ashamed of or to apologize about.
posted by Preserver at 8:53 PM on February 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: I think I'll be fine to sleep tonight. People have said many very reassuring things and I never knew the snake was there before, so I should be okay.
Now that I consider how the snake is a bit of a larger character, even in the absurd circumstance that it did want to come and bother me, it would probably find it a rather tight squeeze at best.
Thanks again to everyone for your sympathy and many good points as to why I really have far less reason to worry about the snake than a lot of more humdrum, everyday dangers. If I really have trouble there are places I can go, but I do think I should be ok.
If nothing else, after this morning I'm just too tired to stay up worrying about the snake.
posted by AnhydrousLove at 12:42 AM on February 21, 2019 [6 favorites]
Now that I consider how the snake is a bit of a larger character, even in the absurd circumstance that it did want to come and bother me, it would probably find it a rather tight squeeze at best.
Thanks again to everyone for your sympathy and many good points as to why I really have far less reason to worry about the snake than a lot of more humdrum, everyday dangers. If I really have trouble there are places I can go, but I do think I should be ok.
If nothing else, after this morning I'm just too tired to stay up worrying about the snake.
posted by AnhydrousLove at 12:42 AM on February 21, 2019 [6 favorites]
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Short term: snakes really almost never escape and the main thing it’s doing is sleeping and digesting. And if it did escape, it would not come near you, I promise.
posted by SaltySalticid at 8:40 AM on February 20, 2019 [30 favorites]