Dating a guy who tells me he suffered abuse: how to move forward?
November 25, 2018 3:59 AM Subscribe
guy I'm seeing told me something significant that affects us & I'm not sure how to proceed now.
*yes I've posted about this guy before but I have a new piece of information & would appreciate some support. For the admins I am not going to post a 'play by play' Q thread about the situation going forward but would really appreciate advice here as I feel a bit out of my depth. Therapy is also not an option right now.
During the course of dating this lovely guy (who is a virgin) for 2 months, I posted that we finally went to bed together but he couldn't stay hard. After this, he initiated a conversation about taking things slow in general & hinted there was a chunk of his life he had forgotten/is in therapy for.
We went to bed again this weekend and the problem we had last time had dissipated. He took control and treated me like a queen/made sure I was satisfied.
But 2 problems arose: 1, he needs a very specific motion/grip on his uncircumcised penis (I've always been with a 'cut' penis, not sure if it makes a difference) in order to feel pleasure/orgasm. So basically I'll try to achieve this/he directs me & moans for a few minutes, then gives up. I asked him to masturbate & he got close, but then couldn't get over the line. I guess I now have a genuine worry that he can only get off to his own hand, and maybe there are even porn issues lurking too.
Secondly, when I tried another method which usually goes well for me, he stopped me during the act asking if we could talk. He tells me he was sexually abused by a classmate as a young child & that he had suppressed this memory until this year, when it re-emerged in therapy. He said this meant we can do everything else sexually, but not this particular act until he can 'get over it.' I asked if he was sure he wanted to proceed with having a sexual relationship for the moment, he said he was.
We haven't had intercourse yet, although we got into several positions semi-clothed & he initiated a conversation about what I like during sex. Overall, I think he is wonderful but I also understand the importance of sexual compatibility. I feel a bit lost after this revelation & also feel bad about being unable to satisfy him, although he assures me he is 'satisfied' by our time in bed. I don't want to dread going to bed with him, afraid I'll never be able to satisfy him. Where to go from here?
*yes I've posted about this guy before but I have a new piece of information & would appreciate some support. For the admins I am not going to post a 'play by play' Q thread about the situation going forward but would really appreciate advice here as I feel a bit out of my depth. Therapy is also not an option right now.
During the course of dating this lovely guy (who is a virgin) for 2 months, I posted that we finally went to bed together but he couldn't stay hard. After this, he initiated a conversation about taking things slow in general & hinted there was a chunk of his life he had forgotten/is in therapy for.
We went to bed again this weekend and the problem we had last time had dissipated. He took control and treated me like a queen/made sure I was satisfied.
But 2 problems arose: 1, he needs a very specific motion/grip on his uncircumcised penis (I've always been with a 'cut' penis, not sure if it makes a difference) in order to feel pleasure/orgasm. So basically I'll try to achieve this/he directs me & moans for a few minutes, then gives up. I asked him to masturbate & he got close, but then couldn't get over the line. I guess I now have a genuine worry that he can only get off to his own hand, and maybe there are even porn issues lurking too.
Secondly, when I tried another method which usually goes well for me, he stopped me during the act asking if we could talk. He tells me he was sexually abused by a classmate as a young child & that he had suppressed this memory until this year, when it re-emerged in therapy. He said this meant we can do everything else sexually, but not this particular act until he can 'get over it.' I asked if he was sure he wanted to proceed with having a sexual relationship for the moment, he said he was.
We haven't had intercourse yet, although we got into several positions semi-clothed & he initiated a conversation about what I like during sex. Overall, I think he is wonderful but I also understand the importance of sexual compatibility. I feel a bit lost after this revelation & also feel bad about being unable to satisfy him, although he assures me he is 'satisfied' by our time in bed. I don't want to dread going to bed with him, afraid I'll never be able to satisfy him. Where to go from here?
This post was deleted for the following reason: Discuss with your therapist -- taz
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