Punk personal style as an adult
October 12, 2018 7:51 PM Subscribe
I would like to explore a side of myself that I never got to experience in high school and college. I want to be a punk in glittery shoes, with blue hair and black clothes. How should I get started?
I just bought some pink Doc Martens, but I want to do more.
Have you done this? How did you get started? What should I buy?
I'm not looking for subtle versions of these fashions, but how to get started expressing myself in this way (from a psychological perspective) and also some tips for things that I might like to wear.
I don't want to look classy or grown up, but to look like my inner genderqueer punk artistic self. I also don't want to look like I'm in costume.
Here's an example of what I'm thinking of, but maybe a bit more extreme and androgynous.
What is this style called? What are the right keywords to look up?
I'd like to get some tattoos too, but I'm a little intimidated and not sure how to get started. I'm also worried people will think I'm trying to hard or that I never grew out of something. I'm trying to grow into it instead!
I just bought some pink Doc Martens, but I want to do more.
Have you done this? How did you get started? What should I buy?
I'm not looking for subtle versions of these fashions, but how to get started expressing myself in this way (from a psychological perspective) and also some tips for things that I might like to wear.
I don't want to look classy or grown up, but to look like my inner genderqueer punk artistic self. I also don't want to look like I'm in costume.
Here's an example of what I'm thinking of, but maybe a bit more extreme and androgynous.
What is this style called? What are the right keywords to look up?
I'd like to get some tattoos too, but I'm a little intimidated and not sure how to get started. I'm also worried people will think I'm trying to hard or that I never grew out of something. I'm trying to grow into it instead!
Look for people around you who emulate your style. Strike up conversations - start with something like "I love your Docs, where'd you get them?" If they want to talk, ask them about the best places to get Manic Panic or cool clothes or big jewelry or vintage sundresses. If the conversation goes well ask them if you can add them as a friend on Facebook or Instagram and maybe hang out.
I always feel like if I know someone who shares my interest I feel way more confident in it.
posted by bendy at 8:40 PM on October 12, 2018 [3 favorites]
I always feel like if I know someone who shares my interest I feel way more confident in it.
posted by bendy at 8:40 PM on October 12, 2018 [3 favorites]
As a second note, I think you just do it. In my early 20s I had two pairs of Doc Martens that I loved but got rid of somewhere over the years. Now as a 48-year-old I own both of those exact Docs again. I'm a firm believer in the cliche "be the you that you love and people will love that you."
If anyone gives you trouble you can say anything. "Mid-life crisis," "reliving my 20s," "temporary insanity," "low blood sugar." When you're punk rock you don't care what people think.
All my best.
posted by bendy at 8:50 PM on October 12, 2018 [12 favorites]
If anyone gives you trouble you can say anything. "Mid-life crisis," "reliving my 20s," "temporary insanity," "low blood sugar." When you're punk rock you don't care what people think.
All my best.
posted by bendy at 8:50 PM on October 12, 2018 [12 favorites]
Best answer: What should I buy?
Dressing rooms and returnable online stores are your friend. Go to the store, any store (or ASOS or whatever) and grab everything that looks like it could even remotely work for the look in your head and try it on. Like from the cringiest “I can’t wear this in public it’s a freakin Halloween costume” to the plainest “this is a normal shirt but with a weird stripe”, anything that piques this sense in you even a little, throw it on your body, look in the mirror and if your first instinct isn’t to rip it off, even if you don’t want to buy it, figure out what about it is doing it for you and keep it in mind. Maybe the normal shirt with the stripe isn’t a good pick by itself but you really like the monochrome-with-neon-accent look of it. Now you have something to go on!
Also don’t be afraid of buying something that screams yes! but you might not know what to do with right away assuming you’re not spending bank on it. Trial and error and mixing and matching is a huge part of figuring out what’s you and a part of that is ending up owning a bunch of clothes you don’t wear very often. Maybe you spend $20 on a weird top that gives you a good feeling but goes with nothing you own and sits in your closet for a year and then suddenly you find the perfect piece of jewelry to go with it that makes it work. Or maybe you just never wear it and take it to a clothing swap later on or sell it or give it to a friend. You’ve spent $20 on something dumber and less useful I guarantee. ($20 is my own personal limit for this sort of thing, you and your budget should decide yours)
For now as you’re just getting started throw everything against the wall and see what sticks. You’ll figure out really quick what works and what doesn’t as long as you pay attention to the clothes on your body, how they sit, how they make you look and feel. How they emanate a certain aesthetic you’re going for. Learning about fashion formally can help too as you’ll know what different cuts and parts of clothes and etc are called and paired and your opinion of individual pieces and outfits will be that much more precise and your intuition better able to guide you. It’s one of those “learn the rules before you break them” things - certainly not necessary in this case but ive found it really helpful.
Anyway this is a wonderful journey you’re going on and I’ve experienced few things in life more rewarding. Being able to look in the mirror (or your own Instagram post or a photo with you in it) and saying “hell fuckin yes” is more than worth all the effort.
(Also Crystalinne, who commented above [hi!], has a fantastic IG and def worth following)
posted by griphus at 9:13 PM on October 12, 2018 [10 favorites]
Dressing rooms and returnable online stores are your friend. Go to the store, any store (or ASOS or whatever) and grab everything that looks like it could even remotely work for the look in your head and try it on. Like from the cringiest “I can’t wear this in public it’s a freakin Halloween costume” to the plainest “this is a normal shirt but with a weird stripe”, anything that piques this sense in you even a little, throw it on your body, look in the mirror and if your first instinct isn’t to rip it off, even if you don’t want to buy it, figure out what about it is doing it for you and keep it in mind. Maybe the normal shirt with the stripe isn’t a good pick by itself but you really like the monochrome-with-neon-accent look of it. Now you have something to go on!
Also don’t be afraid of buying something that screams yes! but you might not know what to do with right away assuming you’re not spending bank on it. Trial and error and mixing and matching is a huge part of figuring out what’s you and a part of that is ending up owning a bunch of clothes you don’t wear very often. Maybe you spend $20 on a weird top that gives you a good feeling but goes with nothing you own and sits in your closet for a year and then suddenly you find the perfect piece of jewelry to go with it that makes it work. Or maybe you just never wear it and take it to a clothing swap later on or sell it or give it to a friend. You’ve spent $20 on something dumber and less useful I guarantee. ($20 is my own personal limit for this sort of thing, you and your budget should decide yours)
For now as you’re just getting started throw everything against the wall and see what sticks. You’ll figure out really quick what works and what doesn’t as long as you pay attention to the clothes on your body, how they sit, how they make you look and feel. How they emanate a certain aesthetic you’re going for. Learning about fashion formally can help too as you’ll know what different cuts and parts of clothes and etc are called and paired and your opinion of individual pieces and outfits will be that much more precise and your intuition better able to guide you. It’s one of those “learn the rules before you break them” things - certainly not necessary in this case but ive found it really helpful.
Anyway this is a wonderful journey you’re going on and I’ve experienced few things in life more rewarding. Being able to look in the mirror (or your own Instagram post or a photo with you in it) and saying “hell fuckin yes” is more than worth all the effort.
(Also Crystalinne, who commented above [hi!], has a fantastic IG and def worth following)
posted by griphus at 9:13 PM on October 12, 2018 [10 favorites]
Best answer: This is kinda-sorta my style!
I think it helps to build around key pieces. For me, a black hoodie-jacket, a jean vest, and boots (which you already have covered!) are my building blocks. (I also could count a fitted women's blazer and drapey black cardigan in there too when it comes to work items). These items provide some edge and weight. I then alternate between softer fabrics and styles (simple dresses in bright colors and dark tights, tight jeans with soft floral blouses) and dark jeans with button-up tops, often long-sleeves rolled up. I love Wildfang for queer-coded buttonups, thrifting mostly for layers (I found the jean jacket at Plato's Closet and black cardigan at the Gap, FWIW!), just random cheap Amazon distributors for dresses (there are probably better options) or also thritfted, etc. I have some nicer dresses too, like a very bright purple floral maxi dress, that I can recontextualize with a punkier jacket/vest/etc. I've also been experimenting more with simple solid color maxi dresses, with a black maxi dress + black jacket for maximum broody punky witch effect lately :p
Things I'd like to try more of: overalls, weirdo pants, boots of different kinds..
Some sample outfits (this may not be exactly what you're looking for, but I like playing around with this stuff!)
posted by elephantsvanish at 9:58 PM on October 12, 2018 [3 favorites]
I think it helps to build around key pieces. For me, a black hoodie-jacket, a jean vest, and boots (which you already have covered!) are my building blocks. (I also could count a fitted women's blazer and drapey black cardigan in there too when it comes to work items). These items provide some edge and weight. I then alternate between softer fabrics and styles (simple dresses in bright colors and dark tights, tight jeans with soft floral blouses) and dark jeans with button-up tops, often long-sleeves rolled up. I love Wildfang for queer-coded buttonups, thrifting mostly for layers (I found the jean jacket at Plato's Closet and black cardigan at the Gap, FWIW!), just random cheap Amazon distributors for dresses (there are probably better options) or also thritfted, etc. I have some nicer dresses too, like a very bright purple floral maxi dress, that I can recontextualize with a punkier jacket/vest/etc. I've also been experimenting more with simple solid color maxi dresses, with a black maxi dress + black jacket for maximum broody punky witch effect lately :p
Things I'd like to try more of: overalls, weirdo pants, boots of different kinds..
Some sample outfits (this may not be exactly what you're looking for, but I like playing around with this stuff!)
posted by elephantsvanish at 9:58 PM on October 12, 2018 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Hello there! I am an adult goth and, though I dress different than your target look here’s some advice!
-Figure out your palette—punk is a lot of things, so look at instagram and pinterest and google image search and narrow down to a handful of target textures and colors you think are most likely to fit what you want
-Then go to a bunch of thrift shops and look at Every. Thing. which fits that description. Texture helps you here because you can run your hand along a rack and stop when you find leather, or whatever. Sequin punk? Look at literally every sparkly thing. Most of it is junk, but this way you figure out what junk means to you!
- As advice above, try on literally anything that might fit the description you want. Get a sense for how different cuts sit on your frame.
- Also as above, buy anything under 20 that might go with something one day. I’m wearing a tunic today for the first time that I bought 3 months ago, I only just figured out how to wear it. Layers are often the secret sauce.
- Fashion show at home as often as you can. Punk is nice because your outfit near failures are often successes. Try mixing unexpected textures, or wearing layers that break fashion rules (stripes with plaid!)
- It’s halloween! That means cheap gloves, silly earrings, weird hats, crazy socks are available at Goodwill, Target, etc. Buy the cheapo costume stuff as accessories, it doesn’t last long but its a good way to see what you like.
-Learning to DIY clothes (even if it’s just cutting a skull into the back of a tshirt ) will help you a lot. Punk is very individual, so anything you can do that makes something your own, writing on black with bleach pens? Sewing weird sleeves to a tank top? will give you that punk flair. This helps broaden your scope too—you can buy things that are cool but don’t fit, and make them into something you love.
- When people comment on your clothes, positive or negative, take it as a compliment! Looks of alarm mean you’re doing it right.
posted by zinful at 10:01 PM on October 12, 2018 [5 favorites]
-Figure out your palette—punk is a lot of things, so look at instagram and pinterest and google image search and narrow down to a handful of target textures and colors you think are most likely to fit what you want
-Then go to a bunch of thrift shops and look at Every. Thing. which fits that description. Texture helps you here because you can run your hand along a rack and stop when you find leather, or whatever. Sequin punk? Look at literally every sparkly thing. Most of it is junk, but this way you figure out what junk means to you!
- As advice above, try on literally anything that might fit the description you want. Get a sense for how different cuts sit on your frame.
- Also as above, buy anything under 20 that might go with something one day. I’m wearing a tunic today for the first time that I bought 3 months ago, I only just figured out how to wear it. Layers are often the secret sauce.
- Fashion show at home as often as you can. Punk is nice because your outfit near failures are often successes. Try mixing unexpected textures, or wearing layers that break fashion rules (stripes with plaid!)
- It’s halloween! That means cheap gloves, silly earrings, weird hats, crazy socks are available at Goodwill, Target, etc. Buy the cheapo costume stuff as accessories, it doesn’t last long but its a good way to see what you like.
-Learning to DIY clothes (even if it’s just cutting a skull into the back of a tshirt ) will help you a lot. Punk is very individual, so anything you can do that makes something your own, writing on black with bleach pens? Sewing weird sleeves to a tank top? will give you that punk flair. This helps broaden your scope too—you can buy things that are cool but don’t fit, and make them into something you love.
- When people comment on your clothes, positive or negative, take it as a compliment! Looks of alarm mean you’re doing it right.
posted by zinful at 10:01 PM on October 12, 2018 [5 favorites]
Best answer: Oh, and re: the psychological side! I think I had to get over what it meant to Make a Big Deal of Myself. I used to feel like making myself visible, colorful, in my case femme, and otherwise Loud meant any number of Bad Things about who I was, what I was saying about myself in this world, etc. I had a lot of internalized bullshit I had learned from all kinds of directions.
My first step was to be aware of these processes of self-policing that were going on. Being mindful of it didn't mean that I necessarily could transgress against these commands just yet. (For me there was all kinds of other gender transition-y things going on, but I think this carries over as a common thread). Once I was able to disambiguate the voice of this ideology from my inner conversation, I started the next and most important step: listening for myself. What was that voice that was playful and expressive within me asking for? How could I run with that energy? I made a decision - over time, but eventually with some finality - that even if I couldn't totally silence every voice within myself, that I would listen to the voices that were playful, compassionate, expressive, and daring whenever possible. This is something I carry with me as a sort of unspoken mantra - it often comes up when I consider a bright and expressive piece of clothing, and make that micro decision to stay with it longer - try it on, take some selfies, let myself nurture and build off of that energy.
Now that I'm in the habit of saying yes to that impulse more often, I have also found that, hey, the more playful and loud and femme me is also more generous, more centered, more able to be present with others. In other words, the exact things that voice of Making Myself Small said that being loud and expressive would prevent me from being.
It's a constant process, but it's also something you can rediscover and return to again and again. When you consider options for presenting and moving through the world, what are the things that make you feel the most alive? And how can you make space for that recognition, nurture it, celebrate it, build off of it?
posted by elephantsvanish at 10:16 PM on October 12, 2018 [3 favorites]
My first step was to be aware of these processes of self-policing that were going on. Being mindful of it didn't mean that I necessarily could transgress against these commands just yet. (For me there was all kinds of other gender transition-y things going on, but I think this carries over as a common thread). Once I was able to disambiguate the voice of this ideology from my inner conversation, I started the next and most important step: listening for myself. What was that voice that was playful and expressive within me asking for? How could I run with that energy? I made a decision - over time, but eventually with some finality - that even if I couldn't totally silence every voice within myself, that I would listen to the voices that were playful, compassionate, expressive, and daring whenever possible. This is something I carry with me as a sort of unspoken mantra - it often comes up when I consider a bright and expressive piece of clothing, and make that micro decision to stay with it longer - try it on, take some selfies, let myself nurture and build off of that energy.
Now that I'm in the habit of saying yes to that impulse more often, I have also found that, hey, the more playful and loud and femme me is also more generous, more centered, more able to be present with others. In other words, the exact things that voice of Making Myself Small said that being loud and expressive would prevent me from being.
It's a constant process, but it's also something you can rediscover and return to again and again. When you consider options for presenting and moving through the world, what are the things that make you feel the most alive? And how can you make space for that recognition, nurture it, celebrate it, build off of it?
posted by elephantsvanish at 10:16 PM on October 12, 2018 [3 favorites]
The wardrobe architect may be of guidance. It's a framework for thinking about your own personal style, with reflections questions and a process for putting together a wardrobe.
As far as mustering the courage...just gotta do it! Find something you're scared to wear, put on your best dont-give-a-fuck attitude, and wear it. You'll get over the fear, quickly! Stand up straight, hold your head up, you. are. powerful. you are you. rock you. even if you feels like you're still trying to figure out you. today, that's you. If you don't feel good, I'd reflect on that. Did it not fit you right? Does it make you look/feel childish instead of expressive? Is it the color wrong for your mood or skin tone that day? Is it uncomfortable? Learn, rinse, repeat, try again with a different fit, more grown-up touch, different palette, whatever needs to change. Always stand tall, you can look however the f you (want to) look, you don't need to be anything for anyone. Good luck!
posted by hannahelastic at 11:09 PM on October 12, 2018 [7 favorites]
As far as mustering the courage...just gotta do it! Find something you're scared to wear, put on your best dont-give-a-fuck attitude, and wear it. You'll get over the fear, quickly! Stand up straight, hold your head up, you. are. powerful. you are you. rock you. even if you feels like you're still trying to figure out you. today, that's you. If you don't feel good, I'd reflect on that. Did it not fit you right? Does it make you look/feel childish instead of expressive? Is it the color wrong for your mood or skin tone that day? Is it uncomfortable? Learn, rinse, repeat, try again with a different fit, more grown-up touch, different palette, whatever needs to change. Always stand tall, you can look however the f you (want to) look, you don't need to be anything for anyone. Good luck!
posted by hannahelastic at 11:09 PM on October 12, 2018 [7 favorites]
Just for googling search-term purposes (not to criticize!), looking at that image, the word "punk" is not in the top five adjectives I'd use to describe it. You could've almost worn that (as a woman, anyway--not sure how you identify) as a basically normal-person look on a college campus in the 90s. To take it into something I'd call punk I'd at least expect a dress like that to be deliberately slashed or patched or covered in pins. For a bit edgier version of that look I'd be googling more "90s alternative"-type search terms.
Related to above point: DIY is relevant to the aesthetic. If you get things cheap, you won't have to feel bad about cutting or slashing or singeing them. And it's fun!
posted by praemunire at 1:02 AM on October 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
Related to above point: DIY is relevant to the aesthetic. If you get things cheap, you won't have to feel bad about cutting or slashing or singeing them. And it's fun!
posted by praemunire at 1:02 AM on October 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
maybe hit up pinterest for 'winona ryder ootd' - she had/has cool style for some inspiration..might be up your alley?
posted by speakeasy at 1:24 AM on October 13, 2018
posted by speakeasy at 1:24 AM on October 13, 2018
First, punk is an approach to life. You can be punk as fuck and wear normcore clothes. You can be punk as funk and playing in a twee band wearing a cashmere sweater. Punk is first and foremost giving no fucks whatsoever about how the world is going to judge you.
So, first, lose all inner givings of fucks.
Outfit idea 1:
monkey boots.
Used solid green camo pants from a military surplus store.
Make a belt out of a ratcheting tie down or USB printer cable tied in a knot.
A bones brigade “ratbone” shirt, deconstruct it to look more feminine. Cut the sleeves and neck collar off.
Find an old denim vest, preferably some kind of ridiculous color, like pink or neon blue. you’ll need patches and buttons on it. If you find yourself in Berlin go to the various Saturday flea markets and buy old east-German communist buttons and badges. Otherwise you can buy them on eBay. Put them on your vest.
Spiked wristband
A scarve around your neck made out of a ripped up flag that drapes down your back and front.
Silver Skull hanging from a black leather necklace.
Samhain ring on index finger.
Face:
Eyeliner, lots of it.
Black lipstick
Earrings, several on each ear.
Hair: my personal style was to dye it with whatever I had, including kool-aid, or just shave it the fuck all off.
Finally, on the back of the jacket, find the biggest Antifa patch you can find and sew that fucker on.
posted by nikaspark at 6:07 AM on October 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
So, first, lose all inner givings of fucks.
Outfit idea 1:
monkey boots.
Used solid green camo pants from a military surplus store.
Make a belt out of a ratcheting tie down or USB printer cable tied in a knot.
A bones brigade “ratbone” shirt, deconstruct it to look more feminine. Cut the sleeves and neck collar off.
Find an old denim vest, preferably some kind of ridiculous color, like pink or neon blue. you’ll need patches and buttons on it. If you find yourself in Berlin go to the various Saturday flea markets and buy old east-German communist buttons and badges. Otherwise you can buy them on eBay. Put them on your vest.
Spiked wristband
A scarve around your neck made out of a ripped up flag that drapes down your back and front.
Silver Skull hanging from a black leather necklace.
Samhain ring on index finger.
Face:
Eyeliner, lots of it.
Black lipstick
Earrings, several on each ear.
Hair: my personal style was to dye it with whatever I had, including kool-aid, or just shave it the fuck all off.
Finally, on the back of the jacket, find the biggest Antifa patch you can find and sew that fucker on.
posted by nikaspark at 6:07 AM on October 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
Thank you for this question - it's helping me to source some things for myself! I'm a tamer version of my old punk self these days, wearing black until Vantablack becomes approved for common use, and trying to hone a dullish edge as I make a lifestyle change.
When I read "I don't want to look classy or grown up, but to look like my inner genderqueer punk artistic self. I also don't want to look like I'm in costume." I thought of my friend known as the Forest City Fashionista and in particular, this post featuring some stunningly put-together characters from a party in NYC. The fcfashionista Instagram is full of fantastic looks put together largely from thrift store and vintage sale finds. Playful and edgy, with impact based on proportion, graphic prints, colour, drape and scale, this is some of the best style I've ever seen in real life. It never looks costume, because the FCF's feeling for what works is deeply personal, and though "On 40+Style's list of the 40 Most Stylish Midlife Women on Instagram", I think it has nothing to do with age - only confidence. The other style blogs linked are also wonderful sources of inspiration.
Then I looked at your example, and did not see that. Docs and sundresses are most definitely a thing, and since I work in costuming, I'd call it part of the contemporary Boho style, and there are a LOT of great looks built around that, including this fantastic outfit with pink docs which, I think, tells the story of the white dress and docs in the pic that you posted, but using your statement.
The FCFashionista once told me when she visited my place of work that she goes into a dressing room in a store with an armload, and tries everything, even if she only comes out with two things. For example, here is her visit to my place of work, and what she ended up with. You can also see my basic work style - black basics and an interesting top, (plus now I'm investing in a sharp bob regularly maintained.) Best of luck with this journey - it's a fun one!
Remember, as we say at my work: Costuming is how you tell a story without words.
posted by peagood at 6:22 AM on October 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
When I read "I don't want to look classy or grown up, but to look like my inner genderqueer punk artistic self. I also don't want to look like I'm in costume." I thought of my friend known as the Forest City Fashionista and in particular, this post featuring some stunningly put-together characters from a party in NYC. The fcfashionista Instagram is full of fantastic looks put together largely from thrift store and vintage sale finds. Playful and edgy, with impact based on proportion, graphic prints, colour, drape and scale, this is some of the best style I've ever seen in real life. It never looks costume, because the FCF's feeling for what works is deeply personal, and though "On 40+Style's list of the 40 Most Stylish Midlife Women on Instagram", I think it has nothing to do with age - only confidence. The other style blogs linked are also wonderful sources of inspiration.
Then I looked at your example, and did not see that. Docs and sundresses are most definitely a thing, and since I work in costuming, I'd call it part of the contemporary Boho style, and there are a LOT of great looks built around that, including this fantastic outfit with pink docs which, I think, tells the story of the white dress and docs in the pic that you posted, but using your statement.
The FCFashionista once told me when she visited my place of work that she goes into a dressing room in a store with an armload, and tries everything, even if she only comes out with two things. For example, here is her visit to my place of work, and what she ended up with. You can also see my basic work style - black basics and an interesting top, (plus now I'm investing in a sharp bob regularly maintained.) Best of luck with this journey - it's a fun one!
Remember, as we say at my work: Costuming is how you tell a story without words.
posted by peagood at 6:22 AM on October 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Think about playing with your hair - both cut and color.
I spent years wondering why the edgy clothes I loved didn’t feel right on me when I looked in the mirror. Then I grew my hair out, got a wild layered razor cut, dyed it pink, and realized all that stuff I loved felt like it fit all the sudden. It turns out that my natural blonde just made everything I put on read very goody two shoes to me.
posted by amelioration at 6:25 AM on October 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
I spent years wondering why the edgy clothes I loved didn’t feel right on me when I looked in the mirror. Then I grew my hair out, got a wild layered razor cut, dyed it pink, and realized all that stuff I loved felt like it fit all the sudden. It turns out that my natural blonde just made everything I put on read very goody two shoes to me.
posted by amelioration at 6:25 AM on October 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
A word of warning about wearing an antifa patch: it's kind of like wearing gang colors, and nazis may fight you. I have an antifa sticker on my cane and so far haven't had trouble, but I'm not out on the town much. If you want something with less potential for danger, consider a huge BLM patch.
posted by bile and syntax at 8:47 AM on October 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by bile and syntax at 8:47 AM on October 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Gawd, I am really reaching into the wayback and I can't believe I actually remember this but I do - back in the days when I was still reading Seventeen magazine, there was a little advice column, where the question was "I want to start wearing makeup but when I do all of my friends make fun of me" and the answer was "start slowly. Start with lipgloss for a couple of weeks, then add mascara for a couple more weeks..." The idea being that when you go full force people it creates a visual dissonance for people who are used to seeing you a certain way each day and they don't quite know what to do with their shock at seeing you different the next day.
So apply that to your own life; wear your regular jeans with your sparkly pink boots for a couple of weeks; add a bit of color to your hair or just a bit more eyeliner (or whatever your next layer js) for a couple of weeks, and build from there. When building a layer at a time people won't be overwhelmed and they will understand how to react to you appropriately without shaking your confidence. With that I think you will find that your own confidence grows too, and soon you'll be doing your thing without considering other people's reactions.
posted by vignettist at 9:04 AM on October 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
So apply that to your own life; wear your regular jeans with your sparkly pink boots for a couple of weeks; add a bit of color to your hair or just a bit more eyeliner (or whatever your next layer js) for a couple of weeks, and build from there. When building a layer at a time people won't be overwhelmed and they will understand how to react to you appropriately without shaking your confidence. With that I think you will find that your own confidence grows too, and soon you'll be doing your thing without considering other people's reactions.
posted by vignettist at 9:04 AM on October 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Oh hey, I'm a punk genderqueer adult! Though I never fully stopped doing this kind of thing (and having brightly dyed hair and tattoos helped through more conservative dresses phases), I went whole hog a year ago after I came out as genderqueer and it's been really great. Here's what I would consider the keystones of dressing like this:
- Funky haircut, dyed in a bright color. I have an undercut which is kind of the genderqueer haircut du jour right now. As we speak, I have bleach in my hair so I can dye it green again.
- Denim jacket with your own patches. I have a bunch of vintage girl scout patches, scifi geek patches, all sorts of stuff.
-Good shoes. Funky boots, yes! And tall socks. I dunno. Tall socks are always punk.
-Some really bright make-up? I like Urban Decay's electric palette and the Take Me to Brazil palette from BH cosmetics. Funky lipstick. Wetnwild has a really great line of halloween lipsticks you can find cheaply at walmart right now.
I really think to a certain extend the key is to just do it, and do it with enough intention that no one will second guess you. The only time people comment on my clothes, usually? When I'm dressed like a normie. The other day I wore a plain black t-shirt and some jeans and everyone thought it was super weird.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:10 AM on October 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
- Funky haircut, dyed in a bright color. I have an undercut which is kind of the genderqueer haircut du jour right now. As we speak, I have bleach in my hair so I can dye it green again.
- Denim jacket with your own patches. I have a bunch of vintage girl scout patches, scifi geek patches, all sorts of stuff.
-Good shoes. Funky boots, yes! And tall socks. I dunno. Tall socks are always punk.
-Some really bright make-up? I like Urban Decay's electric palette and the Take Me to Brazil palette from BH cosmetics. Funky lipstick. Wetnwild has a really great line of halloween lipsticks you can find cheaply at walmart right now.
I really think to a certain extend the key is to just do it, and do it with enough intention that no one will second guess you. The only time people comment on my clothes, usually? When I'm dressed like a normie. The other day I wore a plain black t-shirt and some jeans and everyone thought it was super weird.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:10 AM on October 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I think the look in the picture is a variation of 90s grunge, and I would personally sum it up as hard/soft. The clothing plays with a contrast between soft feminine elements like a gauzy sundress, and harder elements like the docs, the choppy hair, the black statement bag.
posted by Squeak Attack at 10:31 AM on October 13, 2018
posted by Squeak Attack at 10:31 AM on October 13, 2018
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That's a great way to find the stuff you gravitate toward so you can bring it into your closet or how you can wear stuff you already own in a new way.
I dabble in a variety of styles. When I do more punk looks I often wear lots of plaid, especially plaid pants, moto jackets, my denim studded vest with tons of pins, combat boots, weird tank tops, etc. (My links are in my profile though I'm very eclectic I have some things that may be of interest.)
For Instagram hashtags like punk, punk girl, alternative, alternative girl, grunge, punk aesthetic, grunge aesthetic, and some stuff might get tagged with goth I'm sure. ETA if you find people you like you can check who they follow as they may be following similar accounts. Also see who Instagram recommends you follow too.
posted by Crystalinne at 8:10 PM on October 12, 2018 [8 favorites]