Fix your toenails in 3 weeks with this one weird trick!
June 24, 2018 7:18 PM Subscribe
My toenails are a mess, I have to wear open-toed shoes in a wedding in 3 weeks, and I have no grooming skills. Give me a timeline for the very simplest method to get these things presentable on time. I'll buy whatever is necessary, but would strongly prefer to be able to get it at a standard drugstore and not spend more than I need to on this project.
I hate having my feet touched so much it makes my angry just to think about it, so a pedicure is 100% not happening.
I was going to write a list of specific toenail problems here, but I realized I actually don't even have the vocabulary to describe them, so have a look.
My goal is to have all the nails seem like a logical shape/length, not appear to have dirt stuck in them, and not have any weird skin things nearby. If I should be wearing nail polish, please recommend a color.
I was going to write a list of specific toenail problems here, but I realized I actually don't even have the vocabulary to describe them, so have a look.
My goal is to have all the nails seem like a logical shape/length, not appear to have dirt stuck in them, and not have any weird skin things nearby. If I should be wearing nail polish, please recommend a color.
You can also get polish to match your skin or to match your dress.
posted by bleep at 7:25 PM on June 24, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by bleep at 7:25 PM on June 24, 2018 [2 favorites]
I was expecting much worse, your feet look healthy, just a little neglected!
Mix salt or sugar and olive oil together to make about 1/4 cup of paste. Scrub your feet to get all the dead skin off and make them soft.
File nails with an empty board so they are uniform length.
Put petroleum jelly or thick lotion on your toes and put on socks. Go to bed. Your white spots of dead/tough skin around the edges should look better the next morning.
Do this a couple times and you should see a difference. Use as pale pink polish so it looks neat but doesn't draw extra attention.
posted by gatorae at 7:32 PM on June 24, 2018 [21 favorites]
Mix salt or sugar and olive oil together to make about 1/4 cup of paste. Scrub your feet to get all the dead skin off and make them soft.
File nails with an empty board so they are uniform length.
Put petroleum jelly or thick lotion on your toes and put on socks. Go to bed. Your white spots of dead/tough skin around the edges should look better the next morning.
Do this a couple times and you should see a difference. Use as pale pink polish so it looks neat but doesn't draw extra attention.
posted by gatorae at 7:32 PM on June 24, 2018 [21 favorites]
They… don't look that bad to me? Not compared to what your words made me expect, anyway. They don't look actually diseased or anything, just like you haven't been paying much attention to their appearance for a while. I would just trim them and clean them, push the cuticles down (you can do all of this with one of those nail clippers that has a built-in file/cleaner) and on the morning of the wedding I'd file them and throw on some clear nail polish or maybe something that complemented my clothing for the day (well I wouldn't, but if I were a reasonably femmy woman who was going to display her toes at a wedding then I would). The broken ones may or may not fully grow out by the time of wedding but there's no helping that.
The trimming/cleaning/cuticle pushing will work best if you do it right after a shower when the nails are soft.
Also, I haven't checked but I am 100% sure that there are at least fifty bajillion DIY pedicure tutorials on Youtube so maybe go on there and see what people with high standards of toenail care have to say?
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 7:32 PM on June 24, 2018 [2 favorites]
The trimming/cleaning/cuticle pushing will work best if you do it right after a shower when the nails are soft.
Also, I haven't checked but I am 100% sure that there are at least fifty bajillion DIY pedicure tutorials on Youtube so maybe go on there and see what people with high standards of toenail care have to say?
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 7:32 PM on June 24, 2018 [2 favorites]
Weird skin things can be addressed with a stiff nail brush after your bath or shower. You could also use cuticle remover.
A bright polish color makes the feet look cleaner (they are perfectly clean; I mean in general for all), but polishing your toenails well is hard, so clear or very pale might be a better bet.
They aren't that bad -- you should see mine!
posted by jgirl at 7:32 PM on June 24, 2018
A bright polish color makes the feet look cleaner (they are perfectly clean; I mean in general for all), but polishing your toenails well is hard, so clear or very pale might be a better bet.
They aren't that bad -- you should see mine!
posted by jgirl at 7:32 PM on June 24, 2018
My goal is to have all the nails seem like a logical shape/length, not appear to have dirt stuck in them, and not have any weird skin things nearby. If I should be wearing nail polish, please recommend a color.
Well the absolute easiest thing to do would be to get a pedicure and tell them that you don't want any exfoliation, just your nails cleaned up and polished. They will do that if you ask, no problem.
But if you must DIY...
Soak your feet in warm soapy water.
Run a manicure stick under the nails to get the cruft out.
Clip them all to an even length.
Paint them a cool, slightly dark* color, like a slate gray or periwinkle blue or one that matches your outfit. There's a polish brand called Sinful Colors available basically everywhere--its super cheap and the formula is good--just pick one that suits you.
Clean up the edges with polish remover.
I know it may seem counter intuitive to paint your toenails a noticeable color if you'd rather people ignore your feet, but a noticeable polish will make your feet read as "complete" at a glance, a deeper neutral won't read as such a "choice" as a brighter pink or something would, and a cool color will look less like your toes got dirty than a warm, earthy color.
posted by phunniemee at 7:34 PM on June 24, 2018 [13 favorites]
Well the absolute easiest thing to do would be to get a pedicure and tell them that you don't want any exfoliation, just your nails cleaned up and polished. They will do that if you ask, no problem.
But if you must DIY...
Soak your feet in warm soapy water.
Run a manicure stick under the nails to get the cruft out.
Clip them all to an even length.
Paint them a cool, slightly dark* color, like a slate gray or periwinkle blue or one that matches your outfit. There's a polish brand called Sinful Colors available basically everywhere--its super cheap and the formula is good--just pick one that suits you.
Clean up the edges with polish remover.
I know it may seem counter intuitive to paint your toenails a noticeable color if you'd rather people ignore your feet, but a noticeable polish will make your feet read as "complete" at a glance, a deeper neutral won't read as such a "choice" as a brighter pink or something would, and a cool color will look less like your toes got dirty than a warm, earthy color.
posted by phunniemee at 7:34 PM on June 24, 2018 [13 favorites]
If you do decide to put polish on your toes yourself, I find that these foam toe separators really help me get the paint on each nail fully without smearing it. You can get them at pretty much any Target or drug store.
posted by merriment at 8:01 PM on June 24, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by merriment at 8:01 PM on June 24, 2018 [3 favorites]
Apparently there’s such a thing as fake toenails so maybe those are an option.
posted by hazel79 at 8:05 PM on June 24, 2018
posted by hazel79 at 8:05 PM on June 24, 2018
From your description, I was expecting T-Rex claws with fungal overgrowth rivaling that of Godzilla's. You don't have that. You can totally make your toenails look presentable on your own. I would clip them all the way down, as short as you can. It actually looks good, and it reduces the amount of dirt that gets stuck under them. Soften your cuticles and the skin around your nails with cuticle remover and remove excess skin with a stick. Soften calluses the way someone suggested above, Vaseline and socks all night. In the morning, paint your own toes. Mistakes on the surrounding skin can be cleaned up with a q-tip and some nail polish remover once the paint is dry. Presto, pretty nails and feet, and nobody touched them but you.
posted by Armed Only With Hubris at 8:07 PM on June 24, 2018 [10 favorites]
posted by Armed Only With Hubris at 8:07 PM on June 24, 2018 [10 favorites]
Don't bother trying to manicure and shape your nails. Just buy fake toenails. They're like $10 at the drugstore.
Perform foot care as already described by others in the thread (scrub, push cuticles etc). Put the falsies on a day or two in advance. File off the knobbly bits and once they are on, paint them with a solid colour of nailpolish so they don't look fake. (False toenails always seem to come in French Manicure only and it looks super fake and kinda weird imo).
The colour of your polish depends on the colour of your dress and shoes.
Red is a safe, standard toenail colour if your dress and shoes are neutral. If you are dressing more colourfully, it's hard to advise without more info.
I'd suggest buying at least two nail kits; one to practise with/get the hang of now and one for the actual wedding (I'm going to assume you already know how to paint your toenails but I'm happy to add a few tips or youtube tutorials if you want them).
Oh, and pluck any hair that might be on your feet/toes, even if it's very pale. Makes a huge difference.
posted by windykites at 8:26 PM on June 24, 2018 [2 favorites]
Perform foot care as already described by others in the thread (scrub, push cuticles etc). Put the falsies on a day or two in advance. File off the knobbly bits and once they are on, paint them with a solid colour of nailpolish so they don't look fake. (False toenails always seem to come in French Manicure only and it looks super fake and kinda weird imo).
The colour of your polish depends on the colour of your dress and shoes.
Red is a safe, standard toenail colour if your dress and shoes are neutral. If you are dressing more colourfully, it's hard to advise without more info.
I'd suggest buying at least two nail kits; one to practise with/get the hang of now and one for the actual wedding (I'm going to assume you already know how to paint your toenails but I'm happy to add a few tips or youtube tutorials if you want them).
Oh, and pluck any hair that might be on your feet/toes, even if it's very pale. Makes a huge difference.
posted by windykites at 8:26 PM on June 24, 2018 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I was expecting something much worse.
Lots of good advice here. At minimum I'd say:
1. Gently trim your nails. Don't get too crazy with them, just even them up.
2. File them.
3. Moisturize and push back cuticles.
Polish. Polish is tricky. It took me a while to get to where I could confidently use a brighter polish and not make a mess. You have three weeks, so you have time to practice. Softer pinks and peaches are nice to work with because smudges and smears are less noticeable. Here's what I do:
1. Base coat of clear polish on all 10 nails
2. Coat of colored polish on all 10
3. Second coat of color
5. Top coat of clear
6. Wait a minute, then use "kwik-dry" or a similar product
Keep a qtip, cotton balls and nail polish remover on hand to erase any mistakes. When painting, I like to breathe in and then exhale while moving the brush from the base of the nail to the tip - for some reason this helps me keep my hands steady. It may take a couple of tries before you know how much paint to keep on the brush.
Sit still for a long time. Do not think "Oh hey I could go do the dishes while it's drying" or "I wonder if I can find my old high school yearbook?"
No. Stay on the couch. Watch an episode of Queer Eye. Maybe 2.
posted by bunderful at 8:33 PM on June 24, 2018 [5 favorites]
Lots of good advice here. At minimum I'd say:
1. Gently trim your nails. Don't get too crazy with them, just even them up.
2. File them.
3. Moisturize and push back cuticles.
Polish. Polish is tricky. It took me a while to get to where I could confidently use a brighter polish and not make a mess. You have three weeks, so you have time to practice. Softer pinks and peaches are nice to work with because smudges and smears are less noticeable. Here's what I do:
1. Base coat of clear polish on all 10 nails
2. Coat of colored polish on all 10
3. Second coat of color
5. Top coat of clear
6. Wait a minute, then use "kwik-dry" or a similar product
Keep a qtip, cotton balls and nail polish remover on hand to erase any mistakes. When painting, I like to breathe in and then exhale while moving the brush from the base of the nail to the tip - for some reason this helps me keep my hands steady. It may take a couple of tries before you know how much paint to keep on the brush.
Sit still for a long time. Do not think "Oh hey I could go do the dishes while it's drying" or "I wonder if I can find my old high school yearbook?"
No. Stay on the couch. Watch an episode of Queer Eye. Maybe 2.
posted by bunderful at 8:33 PM on June 24, 2018 [5 favorites]
Best answer: Moisturizing! Want to double-down on that. Moisturizing is a tiny miracle.
posted by Going To Maine at 8:35 PM on June 24, 2018
posted by Going To Maine at 8:35 PM on June 24, 2018
Your feet look exceedingly normal. You don’t need to buy anything more than a pair of nail clippers and two bottles of polish at most (color and top coat). Oh, and cotton balls and polish remover. You could get away with just color, but a clear top coat will make them look extra finished. Many drugstore nail clippers can be pretty poor quality which can make it difficult and frustrating to evenly trim nails. Tweezerman clippers are consistently high quality and are available at stores like Bed, Bath, and Beyond, Sephora, Ulta, and some we’ll stock drug stores.
As for polish, I’ve found that, counter to what you might think, brighter shades make my less than perfectly groomed feet look better than muted neutrals. I think it draws the eye toward the bright polish and away from the actual foot material. So pick a bright color you like. Hold a few bottles up to your fingernails and pick one in the pink/red family that you find appealing. It is almost impossible to go wrong here. And then add a bottle of clear top coat. The Sally Hansen polishes are a great formula and come with an especially user friendly brush. I’m surprised that the pricier brands don’t copy this brush style.
The pedicure:
1. Carefully trim your nails so that they have a slightly rounded edge.
2. Twist a rope of toilet paper and stuff it between your toes to keep them separated.
3. Shake the polish bottle and apply a thin coat of polish to each nail. Be sure to wipe the excess polish off of the brush on the side of the bottle before painting. Use as few strokes as possible to cover the nail. Some small nails will only require one stroke.
4 Don’t worry about getting polish on your skin. Don’t try to correct it at this stage.
5. Wait 15 minutes and apple a second thin coat.
6. After 15 more minutes, apply the clear top coat. Waiting 15 minutes or longer beteeen costs helps to decrease the total dry time.
7. Let your nails dry at least an hour before putting on socks, shoes, showering, sleeping or doing anything else that will mar the finish of the polish. Even when it feels dry to the touch, the under layers can still be wet.
8. Remember all of that polish on the skin around your nails? After you shower, gently rub it off with a finger nail. It very easily peels away from your skin.
9. Consider practicing this one before the wedding.
Don’t worry about it too much. Your feet are likely to be very far from most people’s eyes, and very few people are interested in judging the state of your pedicure. Also, your feet look exceedingly normal. Totally. Ha!
posted by defreckled at 8:36 PM on June 24, 2018 [9 favorites]
As for polish, I’ve found that, counter to what you might think, brighter shades make my less than perfectly groomed feet look better than muted neutrals. I think it draws the eye toward the bright polish and away from the actual foot material. So pick a bright color you like. Hold a few bottles up to your fingernails and pick one in the pink/red family that you find appealing. It is almost impossible to go wrong here. And then add a bottle of clear top coat. The Sally Hansen polishes are a great formula and come with an especially user friendly brush. I’m surprised that the pricier brands don’t copy this brush style.
The pedicure:
1. Carefully trim your nails so that they have a slightly rounded edge.
2. Twist a rope of toilet paper and stuff it between your toes to keep them separated.
3. Shake the polish bottle and apply a thin coat of polish to each nail. Be sure to wipe the excess polish off of the brush on the side of the bottle before painting. Use as few strokes as possible to cover the nail. Some small nails will only require one stroke.
4 Don’t worry about getting polish on your skin. Don’t try to correct it at this stage.
5. Wait 15 minutes and apple a second thin coat.
6. After 15 more minutes, apply the clear top coat. Waiting 15 minutes or longer beteeen costs helps to decrease the total dry time.
7. Let your nails dry at least an hour before putting on socks, shoes, showering, sleeping or doing anything else that will mar the finish of the polish. Even when it feels dry to the touch, the under layers can still be wet.
8. Remember all of that polish on the skin around your nails? After you shower, gently rub it off with a finger nail. It very easily peels away from your skin.
9. Consider practicing this one before the wedding.
Don’t worry about it too much. Your feet are likely to be very far from most people’s eyes, and very few people are interested in judging the state of your pedicure. Also, your feet look exceedingly normal. Totally. Ha!
posted by defreckled at 8:36 PM on June 24, 2018 [9 favorites]
In my opinion, all you need is a pedicure and then some nail polish that will cover up the discoloration on the nail. Just go to any nail salon and get a pedicure a couple days before the wedding. You can get one now and then get a fresh one before the wedding, too. If you've never had a pedicure, maybe it will help you to see what they will do. Your feet will look just fine once the pedicurist is done.
I don't like people touching my feet either, but once I saw how much a pedicure improved the look of my feet and how much it was better than anything I do on my own, it became something I decided to bear. Otherwise, maybe look up some YouTube videos on how to give yourself a pedicure.
posted by AppleTurnover at 9:32 PM on June 24, 2018 [1 favorite]
I don't like people touching my feet either, but once I saw how much a pedicure improved the look of my feet and how much it was better than anything I do on my own, it became something I decided to bear. Otherwise, maybe look up some YouTube videos on how to give yourself a pedicure.
posted by AppleTurnover at 9:32 PM on June 24, 2018 [1 favorite]
Take a long shower or bath. Dry off and then immediately rub around the cuticle margin/toenail margins with a washcloth or scrubby pad like buff puff. Then use an orange stick to scrape the nail near the cuticle margin and edges clean (there's usually skin build up there.) You can also use the orange stick to clean under the nail. Using a nail clipper, trim the nails on all toes except for your big toe. The big toe's nail looks fine and that nail doesn't look as good when trimmed very short. Use the buff puff/scrub pad again on the rest of your foot, from ankle to toes, all surfaces included.
That should get your feet looking good if you do it once a week and then moisturize (put socks on after).
Now, paint the nails. Get a nail polish that is neutral and opaque. Don't go for a sheer, they don't hide flaws as well. Polish carefully starting with the pinky toe and move toward the big toe. Thin coats of polish are the way to go. 2 coats should be fine, maybe 3. Let each coat dry before you do the next one. If you get some polish on your skin, don't worry. After your next shower, when your feet are soft from the water, you should be able to rub/peel the polish off your skin easily. Do your polish a day or two before the event and it should look fresh.
posted by quince at 10:24 PM on June 24, 2018 [1 favorite]
That should get your feet looking good if you do it once a week and then moisturize (put socks on after).
Now, paint the nails. Get a nail polish that is neutral and opaque. Don't go for a sheer, they don't hide flaws as well. Polish carefully starting with the pinky toe and move toward the big toe. Thin coats of polish are the way to go. 2 coats should be fine, maybe 3. Let each coat dry before you do the next one. If you get some polish on your skin, don't worry. After your next shower, when your feet are soft from the water, you should be able to rub/peel the polish off your skin easily. Do your polish a day or two before the event and it should look fresh.
posted by quince at 10:24 PM on June 24, 2018 [1 favorite]
Huh. My feet look not unlike that and I'd probably just clip the nails and give them a scrub in the shower with a nail brush or a rough washcloth. Maybe take a pass with one of those cleaner things that is attached to some nail clippers, to scrape out any dead skin around the nail, if a close look made me feel grimy. Then just not worry about it...
For context: I'm not *super* girly but I do wear dresses and sandals and present as female, and I wear makeup for weddings I'm in.
posted by Lady Li at 12:19 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
For context: I'm not *super* girly but I do wear dresses and sandals and present as female, and I wear makeup for weddings I'm in.
posted by Lady Li at 12:19 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
Get a pedicure and you will have feet and toes nicer than you thought possible
posted by stevedawg at 1:10 AM on June 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by stevedawg at 1:10 AM on June 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
I'm going to second (third? fourth?) everyone's recommendations to just suck it up and get a pedicure. I also hate people touching my feet and loathe pedicures, but honestly you'll get the best results rather than faffing around with at home pedicures. Out of anything, painting your own toenails is INCREDIBLY INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT.
In the meantime, you've got three weeks. You probably need to, weirdly enough, grow your toenails out to have enough nail plate to paint. I'd suggest you file your toenails rather than clip them, as a file is easier to control and will allow you to get a nice smooth line. Pinch the nail plate and your toe, hard, with one hand, then file in one direction with the other. This will make filing a lot more tolerable. Do this with dry nails about once a week until the wedding date.
I've actually had pretty good luck with those gruesome baby foot peels, but you should do that now rather than closer to the actual date.
In terms of cuticles, this is where a proper professional pedicure really helps. I always find it SO SO HARD to push back/get rid of my own toe cuticles, but if I'm really going for it, I will:
1) Soak my feet, then buff off the dead skin on the soles of my feet using this horrifyingly effective foot file. I do not file my toenails after they've been soaked, because that's a great way to rip a big ole chunk off a toenail. Eugh. Feet are disgusting.
2) Towel dry feet, then thoroughly apply this outrageously effective cuticle remover around each toe nail. I let it marinate for a good five minutes to really soften up all the dead skin, then I use this metal cuticle pusher to scrape under and around each nail and push back the cuticles. I then wipe off the excess and will actually attempt to nip any sticky uppy stragglers with this hangnail nipper, but I am never as successful as a professional pedicure person. Follow with cuticle oil.
I will say, though, lately I've gotten into the habit of applying cuticle oil to my toes every night, followed by a cream containing AHA and urea, and it has been helping with my horrible gremlin cuticles. That's something you could also start doing.
So, TL:DR, get a pedicure. Failing that, start filing your toenails instead of cutting them, consider using a foot peel, and start a cuticle taming routine involving cuticle remover, a pusher, potentially a nipper, and nightly applications of cuticle oil. But all that faff is avoided by biting the bullet and paying someone to deal with your feet.
posted by nerdfish at 1:49 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
In the meantime, you've got three weeks. You probably need to, weirdly enough, grow your toenails out to have enough nail plate to paint. I'd suggest you file your toenails rather than clip them, as a file is easier to control and will allow you to get a nice smooth line. Pinch the nail plate and your toe, hard, with one hand, then file in one direction with the other. This will make filing a lot more tolerable. Do this with dry nails about once a week until the wedding date.
I've actually had pretty good luck with those gruesome baby foot peels, but you should do that now rather than closer to the actual date.
In terms of cuticles, this is where a proper professional pedicure really helps. I always find it SO SO HARD to push back/get rid of my own toe cuticles, but if I'm really going for it, I will:
1) Soak my feet, then buff off the dead skin on the soles of my feet using this horrifyingly effective foot file. I do not file my toenails after they've been soaked, because that's a great way to rip a big ole chunk off a toenail. Eugh. Feet are disgusting.
2) Towel dry feet, then thoroughly apply this outrageously effective cuticle remover around each toe nail. I let it marinate for a good five minutes to really soften up all the dead skin, then I use this metal cuticle pusher to scrape under and around each nail and push back the cuticles. I then wipe off the excess and will actually attempt to nip any sticky uppy stragglers with this hangnail nipper, but I am never as successful as a professional pedicure person. Follow with cuticle oil.
I will say, though, lately I've gotten into the habit of applying cuticle oil to my toes every night, followed by a cream containing AHA and urea, and it has been helping with my horrible gremlin cuticles. That's something you could also start doing.
So, TL:DR, get a pedicure. Failing that, start filing your toenails instead of cutting them, consider using a foot peel, and start a cuticle taming routine involving cuticle remover, a pusher, potentially a nipper, and nightly applications of cuticle oil. But all that faff is avoided by biting the bullet and paying someone to deal with your feet.
posted by nerdfish at 1:49 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
You want to exfoliate like the salon ladies do? Down and dirty: small tub filled or basin with hot water and nail salon cuticle remover in the water; a healthy amount of cuticle remover in the water and soak your feet for at least 10-15 minutes, maybe longer to soften the skin. You could use a bristled scrub brush but why not use defcon level 1 scrubbing with either a pumice stone or something similar which is a very hard, porous foam block. The pumice block is very easy to get at beauty supply stores places like Sally's Beauty while the porous foam block I got at professional nail supply store.
Anyway, soak, and scrub with the pumice; soak some more and maybe freshen the hot water and scrub again. After drying your sloughed off feet you could, if you have the time, go and do a foot peel like Baby Foot. Baby Foot and similar products work way better with soaked feet to begin the process and for successive nights. But this assumes you got the time for the skin shedding. If you have it, then snail cream and then vaseline with socks overnight. If no snail cream then straight to vaseline and socks. You will need to do vaseline and socks for at least a week. If you think the vaseline is too greasy then use Intensive Care Vaseline lotion which has ingredients that make absorbing occlusives easier. Gold Bond is another lotion I could suggest as well. But really, pure Vaseline petroleum jelly is the gold here with socks every night.
All the advice above is sound about clipping and use of cuticle oil and all that. But really, you want pretty feet with the cleaned up nails. Brillat-Savarin was right about delicious composition: “Dessert without cheese is like a beauty with only one eye” and pretty toes without pretty feet is the same.
posted by jadepearl at 1:55 AM on June 25, 2018
Anyway, soak, and scrub with the pumice; soak some more and maybe freshen the hot water and scrub again. After drying your sloughed off feet you could, if you have the time, go and do a foot peel like Baby Foot. Baby Foot and similar products work way better with soaked feet to begin the process and for successive nights. But this assumes you got the time for the skin shedding. If you have it, then snail cream and then vaseline with socks overnight. If no snail cream then straight to vaseline and socks. You will need to do vaseline and socks for at least a week. If you think the vaseline is too greasy then use Intensive Care Vaseline lotion which has ingredients that make absorbing occlusives easier. Gold Bond is another lotion I could suggest as well. But really, pure Vaseline petroleum jelly is the gold here with socks every night.
All the advice above is sound about clipping and use of cuticle oil and all that. But really, you want pretty feet with the cleaned up nails. Brillat-Savarin was right about delicious composition: “Dessert without cheese is like a beauty with only one eye” and pretty toes without pretty feet is the same.
posted by jadepearl at 1:55 AM on June 25, 2018
I would also add to the chorus to just go get a pedicure. Doing a DIY home job is kinda tricky for a newbie and it does hurt your neck and back more than you'd think. But my own tips, some of which people have suggested above:
- I also use rolled paper towel instead of spending money on those foam separators. I take one sheet and tear it in half before rolling and threading them through my toes.
- I also use cuticle remover cream. DO NOT clip your cuticles. But I use the same Sally Hansen cream linked by nerdfish on my toenails and it just makes a huge difference in tidying it up and making it easier to polish. Just put a wee drop at the nail base. Give it like a minute or two. Then rub an orange wood stick (so cheap for more than you ever need) along the base - not the pointy end but the flat angled end. Rinse under warm water or rub a damp hand towel over the toes. You can also use the orange wood stick to gently clean under the nails.
- If you have three weeks, start now. Then maintain with buffing and filing.
- Three thin coats are easier to do than one thick coat. Take your time. Let it dry as much as possible between coats.
- Seche Vite is my hands down favorite top coat that takes relatively quick to dry.
posted by like_neon at 2:17 AM on June 25, 2018
- I also use rolled paper towel instead of spending money on those foam separators. I take one sheet and tear it in half before rolling and threading them through my toes.
- I also use cuticle remover cream. DO NOT clip your cuticles. But I use the same Sally Hansen cream linked by nerdfish on my toenails and it just makes a huge difference in tidying it up and making it easier to polish. Just put a wee drop at the nail base. Give it like a minute or two. Then rub an orange wood stick (so cheap for more than you ever need) along the base - not the pointy end but the flat angled end. Rinse under warm water or rub a damp hand towel over the toes. You can also use the orange wood stick to gently clean under the nails.
- If you have three weeks, start now. Then maintain with buffing and filing.
- Three thin coats are easier to do than one thick coat. Take your time. Let it dry as much as possible between coats.
- Seche Vite is my hands down favorite top coat that takes relatively quick to dry.
posted by like_neon at 2:17 AM on June 25, 2018
Great stuff above, and they truly do not look bad.
Re Nail polish, i do my own toe nails and for me trick is to buy polish that is sold as quick dry or 45 seconds dry, look for that at the stuff marketed to teens, it will be cheap.
I find doing my toe nails easier than finger nails. Sit down and put the feet on the coffee table edge , and the small toes only require one brush stroke, big one maybe 2 -3 each.
Try not touch skin on the edge, if it happens you easily scrape it of with your finger nails.
Let me add i have large belly, and it can be in the way but if my butt and toes are approximately same level it works fine.
posted by 15L06 at 2:31 AM on June 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
Re Nail polish, i do my own toe nails and for me trick is to buy polish that is sold as quick dry or 45 seconds dry, look for that at the stuff marketed to teens, it will be cheap.
I find doing my toe nails easier than finger nails. Sit down and put the feet on the coffee table edge , and the small toes only require one brush stroke, big one maybe 2 -3 each.
Try not touch skin on the edge, if it happens you easily scrape it of with your finger nails.
Let me add i have large belly, and it can be in the way but if my butt and toes are approximately same level it works fine.
posted by 15L06 at 2:31 AM on June 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
I can’t imagine letting anyone touch my feet, so you have my sympathies. Here is a more minimalist answer.
I wouldn’t feel obligated to do anything fancier than trimming the nails if they’re getting long. On occasion I’ll scrub my own feet in the shower; I don’t have pumice but I do have some sort of handheld exfoliation pad that works pretty well once my feet have been under the hot water for a few minutes. I also don’t really think putting on toenail polish is all that hard (but bodies and abilities are different so ymmv). And if you don’t normally wear toenail polish I see no reason to do more than 1 coat of the color you want, 2 if it is a dark color (why go to the effort of a clear top coat if you don’t really need the “look” to last more than a night?).
I wear sandals all the time without thinking about any of this at all; maybe I am that coworker with the nightmare feet.
posted by eirias at 3:15 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
I wouldn’t feel obligated to do anything fancier than trimming the nails if they’re getting long. On occasion I’ll scrub my own feet in the shower; I don’t have pumice but I do have some sort of handheld exfoliation pad that works pretty well once my feet have been under the hot water for a few minutes. I also don’t really think putting on toenail polish is all that hard (but bodies and abilities are different so ymmv). And if you don’t normally wear toenail polish I see no reason to do more than 1 coat of the color you want, 2 if it is a dark color (why go to the effort of a clear top coat if you don’t really need the “look” to last more than a night?).
I wear sandals all the time without thinking about any of this at all; maybe I am that coworker with the nightmare feet.
posted by eirias at 3:15 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
The following advice assumes you want toes that are presentable, not perfect. You totally do not need to get a pedicure if it's out of your comfort zone way too far. Just nail polish and a trim will mask most of your complaints.
Your toenails are objectively not terrible. Use clippers to even out the two-ish nails that look like they broke or ripped off a bit, and then brush on some polish. In my experience, two coats of a polish that has good coverage and then a top coat lasts up to a month. You don't need to be uber careful staying in the lines if you do it a few days in advance. Any sloppiness will come off on its own in no more than two showers. If necessary, just scrape lightly along the edges with your fingernail when your skin is softened from the water.
My favorite long-lasting polish is Sally Hanson Miracle Gel.
Summary:
• Even out the nails using clippers.
• Paint with any color of your choosing. Two coats. A very light color may require three coats. Top coat recommended but not mandatory. Let dry between coats and avoid socks for a day or so if possible, because sometimes it takes longer to dry than you expect.
• Don't sweat the cuticles unless you are going to be getting extreme closeup foot photos.
You've got this!
posted by Stewriffic at 4:42 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
Your toenails are objectively not terrible. Use clippers to even out the two-ish nails that look like they broke or ripped off a bit, and then brush on some polish. In my experience, two coats of a polish that has good coverage and then a top coat lasts up to a month. You don't need to be uber careful staying in the lines if you do it a few days in advance. Any sloppiness will come off on its own in no more than two showers. If necessary, just scrape lightly along the edges with your fingernail when your skin is softened from the water.
My favorite long-lasting polish is Sally Hanson Miracle Gel.
Summary:
• Even out the nails using clippers.
• Paint with any color of your choosing. Two coats. A very light color may require three coats. Top coat recommended but not mandatory. Let dry between coats and avoid socks for a day or so if possible, because sometimes it takes longer to dry than you expect.
• Don't sweat the cuticles unless you are going to be getting extreme closeup foot photos.
You've got this!
posted by Stewriffic at 4:42 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
This is easier than you might think, and you can do it all with cheap drugstore stuff.
1. Starting now, moisturize your cuticles with thick lotion or cuticle oil, every night before bedtime. If you do this starting now, your cuticles will likely look fine by the day of the event (and really, they don’t look bad now).
2. Closer to the day of, trim your toenails and file them to an even shape if needed. TIP: I have short pinky toenails like you, and if I know I’ll be wearing nail polish I’ll leave a little bit of length on them. They look witchy and snaggly at that length before polish, but “right” with opaque polish on, plus it’s easier to get with the brush.
3. Okay, nail polish. The good news is that just about any nail polish brand will be good, including the $2 Wet ‘n’ Wild, though some colors are harder to work with. (Very light opaque colors are harder than bright/dark ones; metallic finishes are often easiest in my experience.) I prefer bolder colors for toes, and if the wedding’s not super formal you can wear bright blue or something. If you want to keep it safe, go with a muted pinky color that’s several shades darker than your skin tone. I’ve found that on light skin tones, very light pastels/neutrals can make the surrounding skin look kind of dingy. You can also do a brighter pink, or a greyed-out purple or other color, just be sure to go darker than your skin tone.
Foam toe separators are great, but for an even cheaper/less wasteful substitute, you can twist a tissue into a rope and weave it through your toes like this.
I am a shortcutter in all things, so I really mean it when I say this: do the multiple lighter coats. Thicker coats dry slowly and get messed up more easily. You want enough polish so the brush doesn’t drag on your nails, but not so much that the polish starts dripping or puddling. If the first coat is patchy, the second coat will even things out. Wait a good five minutes between coats; if in doubt, wait longer.
Top coat is optional for toes, especially if you’re not planning on keeping your polish on for long, but I find that it really really helps - it locks in the polish and gives it a nice shiny finish that looks more pedicure-y. Get one that specifically says quick dry; I like Seche Vite and Poshe. You can find them in that miscellaneous-y nail stuff section of the drugstore, near the files and remover and so on. Even though quick-dry topcoats sometimes claim to help the rest of your polish dry, wait until your polish is dry before applying.
If you get bits of polish on the skin around your toes, don’t worry. After everything is dry, soak your feet in warm water (or just take a bath) and you can rub/peel it off.
Enjoy!
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:52 AM on June 25, 2018
1. Starting now, moisturize your cuticles with thick lotion or cuticle oil, every night before bedtime. If you do this starting now, your cuticles will likely look fine by the day of the event (and really, they don’t look bad now).
2. Closer to the day of, trim your toenails and file them to an even shape if needed. TIP: I have short pinky toenails like you, and if I know I’ll be wearing nail polish I’ll leave a little bit of length on them. They look witchy and snaggly at that length before polish, but “right” with opaque polish on, plus it’s easier to get with the brush.
3. Okay, nail polish. The good news is that just about any nail polish brand will be good, including the $2 Wet ‘n’ Wild, though some colors are harder to work with. (Very light opaque colors are harder than bright/dark ones; metallic finishes are often easiest in my experience.) I prefer bolder colors for toes, and if the wedding’s not super formal you can wear bright blue or something. If you want to keep it safe, go with a muted pinky color that’s several shades darker than your skin tone. I’ve found that on light skin tones, very light pastels/neutrals can make the surrounding skin look kind of dingy. You can also do a brighter pink, or a greyed-out purple or other color, just be sure to go darker than your skin tone.
Foam toe separators are great, but for an even cheaper/less wasteful substitute, you can twist a tissue into a rope and weave it through your toes like this.
I am a shortcutter in all things, so I really mean it when I say this: do the multiple lighter coats. Thicker coats dry slowly and get messed up more easily. You want enough polish so the brush doesn’t drag on your nails, but not so much that the polish starts dripping or puddling. If the first coat is patchy, the second coat will even things out. Wait a good five minutes between coats; if in doubt, wait longer.
Top coat is optional for toes, especially if you’re not planning on keeping your polish on for long, but I find that it really really helps - it locks in the polish and gives it a nice shiny finish that looks more pedicure-y. Get one that specifically says quick dry; I like Seche Vite and Poshe. You can find them in that miscellaneous-y nail stuff section of the drugstore, near the files and remover and so on. Even though quick-dry topcoats sometimes claim to help the rest of your polish dry, wait until your polish is dry before applying.
If you get bits of polish on the skin around your toes, don’t worry. After everything is dry, soak your feet in warm water (or just take a bath) and you can rub/peel it off.
Enjoy!
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:52 AM on June 25, 2018
Whatever polish you use, finish with a thick coat of Seche Vite. It will instantly look like you got a pedicure. It dries the polish almost instantly, and leaves a glassy professional finish. It's absolutely worth the money, and I can't recommend this step enough. (You apply it while the colored polish layer is still wet, leaving a bead of Seche Vite at the end of the brush, so you aren't leaving brush marks, just a somewhat thick layer of top coat.)
posted by thegreatfleecircus at 6:02 AM on June 25, 2018
posted by thegreatfleecircus at 6:02 AM on June 25, 2018
One point I haven't seen addressed: to make the nails a logical, consistent length, you're looking for the same amount of white at the top of each nail. And the right shape is straight across-- clip and address any snags with an emery board. Easy peasy.
Exfoliating when possible and moisturizing every night between today and wedding day will go a long way. Personally, I'd pick up a foot-specific scrub and lotion from the drugstore and make a ritual of it.
I vote neutral polish color (pale beigey pink with a bit of shimmer) for the following reasons: you're not used to polishing your toenails and bright or dark colors will show all your polishing mistakes (streaks, too-thick coats, etc.), whereas a pale neutral color will be more forgiving to your technique; dark or bright colors will draw attention to an area you're not super comfortable with; pale neutral won't put any of your shaping mistakes on display and is easy to touch up.
posted by kapers at 7:35 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
Exfoliating when possible and moisturizing every night between today and wedding day will go a long way. Personally, I'd pick up a foot-specific scrub and lotion from the drugstore and make a ritual of it.
I vote neutral polish color (pale beigey pink with a bit of shimmer) for the following reasons: you're not used to polishing your toenails and bright or dark colors will show all your polishing mistakes (streaks, too-thick coats, etc.), whereas a pale neutral color will be more forgiving to your technique; dark or bright colors will draw attention to an area you're not super comfortable with; pale neutral won't put any of your shaping mistakes on display and is easy to touch up.
posted by kapers at 7:35 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
For a neutral shade of polish that will not draw attention to your feet, use Essie's Ballet Slippers if you have a light skin color. You can easily find it at Target or Walmart or any drugstore.
posted by maxg94 at 7:48 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by maxg94 at 7:48 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
Your feet look pretty much fine (credentials -- I'm a mildly untidy woman who wears sandals all summer in a professional office). Just trimming the nails and maybe putting on some polish would be fine, and I wouldn't think twice about not doing anything at all to them and figuring who's going to be looking at your feet that closely?
But if you want to feel as if you've done something drastic about any weird skin issues, you've got enough time to do a round of Baby Foot, which is a treatment that takes about a week or so. You put your feet in disposable booties full of some exfoliant stuff for an hour or so, and then nothing happens for a few days, and then over the next few days all the dead skin on your feet peels off in a really gross way, and then your feet are all soft and uncalloused without weird little hard skin things. But if you're going to do that, you should do it immediately, because you don't want to be in the peeling period at the event where you want pretty feet.
posted by LizardBreath at 8:00 AM on June 25, 2018
But if you want to feel as if you've done something drastic about any weird skin issues, you've got enough time to do a round of Baby Foot, which is a treatment that takes about a week or so. You put your feet in disposable booties full of some exfoliant stuff for an hour or so, and then nothing happens for a few days, and then over the next few days all the dead skin on your feet peels off in a really gross way, and then your feet are all soft and uncalloused without weird little hard skin things. But if you're going to do that, you should do it immediately, because you don't want to be in the peeling period at the event where you want pretty feet.
posted by LizardBreath at 8:00 AM on June 25, 2018
I also don’t enjoy having my feet touched and am ticklish, but I vote pedicure as well, since this is a special occasion. The result is worth the process, believe me. I read during my pedicures, but you could also listen to music, play a game on your phone—whatever takes your mind off your feet.
Also, you can tell the nail technician if they’re doing something you really don’t like (for me, it’s reminding them to be more gentle with the massage part).
posted by elphaba at 8:04 AM on June 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
Also, you can tell the nail technician if they’re doing something you really don’t like (for me, it’s reminding them to be more gentle with the massage part).
posted by elphaba at 8:04 AM on June 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
If you hate people touching your feet and you want to deal with this as little as possible, you can totally skip the polish. Clear polish doesn't add enough zing to be worth the effort (minimal effort for people who like touching their feet, but polish sounds high-effort for you.), and while a color (classic deep red, matched to outfit, etc) might give you a nice impact, it may also be drawing attention to your feet, which if you're not a foot person maybe you don't want. That leaves you at neutrals and pale pinks, which might be nice - something opaque to cover up anything you don't like, doesn't call attention but looks nice if anybody happens to notice. But if you just want a bare minimum, you are 100% totally allowed to skip toenail polish.
posted by aimedwander at 9:55 AM on June 25, 2018
posted by aimedwander at 9:55 AM on June 25, 2018
I had my first pedicure as a girls-day-out with my youngest daughter a few months ago. Nice, kinda relaxing, laughed my head off during the scraping process. But then I've had two children, so I don't get weirded out about hands and feet... uh hem....
I'm still bendy in my old age and hate-hate-hate dead skin on feet or hands, so I'm a convert for nail clippers from the baby department to remove dead skin and for pumice stones to smooth out the rough edges so that they don't catch on socks or other fabrics.
For rough hands and feet I love "O'Keeffe's Working Hands" and any Shea Moisture soap bar, both purchased at Wal-Mart.
For hands and feet, I keep the white nail edges down to nothing, let them grow to a 16th of an inch or less, and clip down again. Any more than that and the corners irritate me, even after clipping them in a rounder shape. So the "ripped-off to the quick" look is never an issue.
Be careful about the corners. Ingrown toenails are not fun.
I have no idea why cuticle tampering is a thing. That's the part that is unnecessary, a "look what I did!" step to separate those who care from those who can't bother.
Both the Mayo Clinic and American Academy of Dermatology (AAD) advise against cutting cuticles. This includes cutting them at home or in a nail salon.
My vote is for clear or beige polish. Dip into the bottle for each nail and scrape both sides of the brush against the edge to remove excess polish. Set the brush near but not at the cuticle, give the polish a split second to drip onto the nail, push up slightly toward the cuticle, draw back down to the tip. One or two strokes per nail, maybe three or four for the big toenails. Let dry for 20 minutes, do another coat, and done. Have nail polish remover and cotton balls for when you are tired of the look and it begins to chip off.
posted by TrishaU at 10:25 AM on June 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
I'm still bendy in my old age and hate-hate-hate dead skin on feet or hands, so I'm a convert for nail clippers from the baby department to remove dead skin and for pumice stones to smooth out the rough edges so that they don't catch on socks or other fabrics.
For rough hands and feet I love "O'Keeffe's Working Hands" and any Shea Moisture soap bar, both purchased at Wal-Mart.
For hands and feet, I keep the white nail edges down to nothing, let them grow to a 16th of an inch or less, and clip down again. Any more than that and the corners irritate me, even after clipping them in a rounder shape. So the "ripped-off to the quick" look is never an issue.
Be careful about the corners. Ingrown toenails are not fun.
I have no idea why cuticle tampering is a thing. That's the part that is unnecessary, a "look what I did!" step to separate those who care from those who can't bother.
Both the Mayo Clinic and American Academy of Dermatology (AAD) advise against cutting cuticles. This includes cutting them at home or in a nail salon.
My vote is for clear or beige polish. Dip into the bottle for each nail and scrape both sides of the brush against the edge to remove excess polish. Set the brush near but not at the cuticle, give the polish a split second to drip onto the nail, push up slightly toward the cuticle, draw back down to the tip. One or two strokes per nail, maybe three or four for the big toenails. Let dry for 20 minutes, do another coat, and done. Have nail polish remover and cotton balls for when you are tired of the look and it begins to chip off.
posted by TrishaU at 10:25 AM on June 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
I'm just some rando on the internets, but unless this wedding is your own wedding and you've got your heart set on this specific pair of open-toed shoes... just wear different shoes? Similar shoes, in the same colorway, but a pair you'd willingly wear post-event?
Brides and grooms usually require attendants to wear identical gowns or suits, but I think anyone issuing footwear edicts is edging into imperiousness.
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:15 AM on June 25, 2018
Brides and grooms usually require attendants to wear identical gowns or suits, but I think anyone issuing footwear edicts is edging into imperiousness.
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:15 AM on June 25, 2018
Strongly recommend a metallic/glittery polish, which are foolproof to apply. Plain colors have a learning curve to avoid streaks.
I've never found a better foot treatment than this dirt cheap one: Soak feet in a vinegar solution with a bit of dish soap (conditioner or body wash are also fine). After 15 minutes, scrub (with a brush or pumice stone if you have it, if not use a washcloth), then cover with Vaseline (or moisturizer, whatever) and put on old cotton socks you don't care about. You'll wake up with nice soft feet.
posted by veery at 11:26 AM on June 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
I've never found a better foot treatment than this dirt cheap one: Soak feet in a vinegar solution with a bit of dish soap (conditioner or body wash are also fine). After 15 minutes, scrub (with a brush or pumice stone if you have it, if not use a washcloth), then cover with Vaseline (or moisturizer, whatever) and put on old cotton socks you don't care about. You'll wake up with nice soft feet.
posted by veery at 11:26 AM on June 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
For nice healthy toenails like yours, if you clip them neatly and clean the dirt underneath, you don't even need to polish them. I'll nth the chorus, your toenails look lovely, and I think you could be ready to go to a wedding tonight if you had to.
If the idea of a pedicure is bothering you because of all the smooshy, massage-y, intimate touching type aspects, have you considered having a podiatrist clip your nails? Podiatrists do routine foot care all the time, especially for people who have health conditions that make tidy nails really important (e.g. people with diabetes), but they can and will do it for anyone. If there are "weird skin things nearby" concerning you (I can't see any in the photos), a podiatrist could address those as well.
posted by telegraph at 2:59 PM on June 25, 2018
If the idea of a pedicure is bothering you because of all the smooshy, massage-y, intimate touching type aspects, have you considered having a podiatrist clip your nails? Podiatrists do routine foot care all the time, especially for people who have health conditions that make tidy nails really important (e.g. people with diabetes), but they can and will do it for anyone. If there are "weird skin things nearby" concerning you (I can't see any in the photos), a podiatrist could address those as well.
posted by telegraph at 2:59 PM on June 25, 2018
Response by poster: Thank you, everyone for the reassurance that the other guests are not going to be so distracted by my feet that they can't concentrate on the vows.
Since writing this, I have included my toes generously in my post-shower lotion routine and experimented with an emery board. They are already looking less bad. Oh, and I spent like 2 hours in a very chlorinated pool trying to avoid a 110+ heat index, which made them very clean and evenly colored with no effort!
posted by juliapangolin at 8:32 PM on July 6, 2018 [3 favorites]
Since writing this, I have included my toes generously in my post-shower lotion routine and experimented with an emery board. They are already looking less bad. Oh, and I spent like 2 hours in a very chlorinated pool trying to avoid a 110+ heat index, which made them very clean and evenly colored with no effort!
posted by juliapangolin at 8:32 PM on July 6, 2018 [3 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
What I might suggest, if this is ok with you, is try to find an upscale salon, get a little tipsy and ask them to just paint your toes without touching your feet or doing the rest of it. Just because applying nail polish is harder than it looks and I always have a difficult time with it.
posted by bleep at 7:25 PM on June 24, 2018 [7 favorites]