My Missing Mental Motivation.
April 2, 2018 9:30 AM Subscribe
I have been working at a full-time job that I love for the past 7-ish years. I think that I need to find a better work/life balance (or better work/life integration, depending on your beliefs) but I'm struggling for a bunch of reasons - personality traits, ADD, etc. Help me sort this out, please?
A bit about me - I am in my early 40s and have had a series of really unfulfilling jobs where I was bored more often than not. I'm married to a fantastic guy who supports me unconditionally. I have kids who are mostly independent at this point. I was a "gifted" only child who was a high achiever in many areas and I thrived on external praise. I was diagnosed with ADD in my 20s (medicated for a few years, no longer medicated and do not desire to be medicated now). I have spent a lot of years trying to undo my perfectionist/avoidant behaviours and inclinations and to get better at being comfortable making mistakes and dealing with failure. I'm someone who used to thrive on chaos and who is much, much healthier and happier keeping that to a minimum. I consider myself to be fairly self-aware and introspective.
About my job - the work that I do takes up a significant part of my weekdays + at least one evening per week + occasional weekend hours. I work from home for a few hours most days replying to emails, updating work social media, etc. My schedule is all over the place and not consistent - I work more than I 'should' but I enjoy it. The job will never be done - it's constantly evolving and there's always something more I can do.
I'm aware that my job hits all of the buttons that keep me engaged and motivated - enough stress to keep my brain active, enough variety in my work to keep my ADD happy, the occasional public recognition (praise) when things are going well, frequently meeting and interacting with new people, constant learning so I'm never bored, ongoing projects with both short and long-term activities, and the end results of my work (both directly and indirectly) make life better and healthier for a lot of people.
Having had plenty of cruddy jobs over the years, I am delighted to be where I am. I am someone who loves her job - and that's great, since I need to work to pay the bills.
My job essentially gives my brain a lot of happy chemicals. I have created this monster. When I'm working, my brain is just zinging sparks all day. I am engaged, alert, solving problems, and absolutely 100% 'on'. It's like being on stimulants - energy, enthusiasm, focus, attention, happiness.
When I am not working, I am about 75% 'off'. Although I ostensibly have a lot of varied hobbies, I struggle to pick them up and to stay engaged - I default to either reading a book (a life-long hobby of mine, anyway) or reading the internet. I think my brain is forcing some 'down time'; I can sit and stare into space for hours, mindlessly. I'm essentially missing the 'high'. Add in all of the personality traits that I mentioned above and.. yeeesh.
My goal here is not to be 'on' all the time; I appreciate a good afternoon lounging around, but I want more balance. I don't think I'm burning out so much as I am burning all my 'zings' during my work day and have none left over for my personal life.
I am not depressed - I have experienced that in the past and want to be very clear that it's not an issue now. I am very happy in my relationship. I am definitely not working to avoid my home life or personal life - all is good there and the problem is that I want more of it and to enjoy it more, too.
My question - - how do I get my brain to find the same 'rewards' in my personal time as it does during work? How do I enjoy my 'non-achieving' time off? How do I do it without sacrificing the great rewards I get from doing my job? ANY advice is welcome, including personal anecdotes, links, articles, books..
A bit about me - I am in my early 40s and have had a series of really unfulfilling jobs where I was bored more often than not. I'm married to a fantastic guy who supports me unconditionally. I have kids who are mostly independent at this point. I was a "gifted" only child who was a high achiever in many areas and I thrived on external praise. I was diagnosed with ADD in my 20s (medicated for a few years, no longer medicated and do not desire to be medicated now). I have spent a lot of years trying to undo my perfectionist/avoidant behaviours and inclinations and to get better at being comfortable making mistakes and dealing with failure. I'm someone who used to thrive on chaos and who is much, much healthier and happier keeping that to a minimum. I consider myself to be fairly self-aware and introspective.
About my job - the work that I do takes up a significant part of my weekdays + at least one evening per week + occasional weekend hours. I work from home for a few hours most days replying to emails, updating work social media, etc. My schedule is all over the place and not consistent - I work more than I 'should' but I enjoy it. The job will never be done - it's constantly evolving and there's always something more I can do.
I'm aware that my job hits all of the buttons that keep me engaged and motivated - enough stress to keep my brain active, enough variety in my work to keep my ADD happy, the occasional public recognition (praise) when things are going well, frequently meeting and interacting with new people, constant learning so I'm never bored, ongoing projects with both short and long-term activities, and the end results of my work (both directly and indirectly) make life better and healthier for a lot of people.
Having had plenty of cruddy jobs over the years, I am delighted to be where I am. I am someone who loves her job - and that's great, since I need to work to pay the bills.
My job essentially gives my brain a lot of happy chemicals. I have created this monster. When I'm working, my brain is just zinging sparks all day. I am engaged, alert, solving problems, and absolutely 100% 'on'. It's like being on stimulants - energy, enthusiasm, focus, attention, happiness.
When I am not working, I am about 75% 'off'. Although I ostensibly have a lot of varied hobbies, I struggle to pick them up and to stay engaged - I default to either reading a book (a life-long hobby of mine, anyway) or reading the internet. I think my brain is forcing some 'down time'; I can sit and stare into space for hours, mindlessly. I'm essentially missing the 'high'. Add in all of the personality traits that I mentioned above and.. yeeesh.
My goal here is not to be 'on' all the time; I appreciate a good afternoon lounging around, but I want more balance. I don't think I'm burning out so much as I am burning all my 'zings' during my work day and have none left over for my personal life.
I am not depressed - I have experienced that in the past and want to be very clear that it's not an issue now. I am very happy in my relationship. I am definitely not working to avoid my home life or personal life - all is good there and the problem is that I want more of it and to enjoy it more, too.
My question - - how do I get my brain to find the same 'rewards' in my personal time as it does during work? How do I enjoy my 'non-achieving' time off? How do I do it without sacrificing the great rewards I get from doing my job? ANY advice is welcome, including personal anecdotes, links, articles, books..
I was going to talk about exercise, too. A good exercise goal, torward which you can track progress, might help provide some of the brain chemicals associated with work. But if you really start pushing yourself, then you'll come home from the workout and be even more likely to want to lie down doing nothing, so there's a possible trade off.
Basically, I think you need a goal to activate dopamine and the motivation that it creates. (But I am not a neuroscientist, so, grain of salt.)
posted by salvia at 11:44 AM on April 2, 2018
Basically, I think you need a goal to activate dopamine and the motivation that it creates. (But I am not a neuroscientist, so, grain of salt.)
posted by salvia at 11:44 AM on April 2, 2018
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posted by snowysoul at 9:42 AM on April 2, 2018 [1 favorite]