Confused about an abrupt ending of a 5 weeks “relationship”
December 10, 2017 4:19 AM Subscribe
I met someone I really liked recently and after a promising start, it all crashed and burned. I would like some unbiased opinions on what happened here. I can't tell if it's my fault.
We met on online and from date 1 I felt an immediate connection. I have been doing online dating for a while, and have never met anyone I felt that way about that quickly. He seemed to fully reciprocate. We ended up chatting for hours after our first date, both expressing how much we like each other.
He was in contact every day and seemed to really give me a lot of attention. He listened to what I like and organized romantic and unusual dates that matched my interests. We had picnics by the lake, washed elephants in an enclosure and went on a day trip to the woods. While we could hardly keep our hands off each other, I never felt pressured for sex like with some of the other guys. On second date he also told me that he has no desire to see anyone else and that he has even canceled other online dates he sat up before meeting me and has told women he was chatting to that he is now seeing someone.
In between the dates, he would text me that he is constantly thinking about me, how happy I make him and how he can’t wait to have me in his arms and similar romantic stuff. It was established early on that neither of us is into hook ups and never has been. We had a lot in common and it felt like a start of something special and long term in every way. He even told me that he told all his co-workers and family that he has finally met someone really special. All of it felt very genuine and not like sweet talk.
Then there was a minor thing that was kind of inconsistent with his other behavior. When talking about setting up a date on one of the weekends he told me that he is unavailable whole Saturday because he has plans to be “out and about”. It was weirdly vague given how open he was about everything else. I had to ask a few times and it turned out that he is actually walking a dog with a female friend and that will somehow take the whole day. His friend was recently dumped by her long term partner and needs company (we are all in early 30s for reference). So that was OK. The second weekend this happened I was a bit annoyed especially since we had unspecific plans to spend the whole weekend together. He was again walking the dog. I expressed my annoyance. He told me that he has known his friend for many years and has only known me for a few weeks. I thought that was a fair point but before I could even say anything, I found that he has blocked me on all social media and on the phone. I really panicked and got my friend to text him that I wanted to apologize. He did unblock me, I told him that I was out of line and we continued dating.
He was a little more reserved since this incident but still seemed to put a lot of effort into elaborate dates after which we would have amazing sex all night. He would also still contact me every day.
Two weeks later was the last day I saw him. We had a fun day planned but when he picked me up, he was definitely more distant than usual. He only made small talk and seemed tired and distracted. He was checking his phone and yawning a lot. Despite this, he was still very affectionate, holding hands and giving me constant little kisses while we were out. On the way home, I tried to make plans on when to see him next (as we usually do) but he was non-commital on the day and time. He did say that he will see me very soon and we ended up making out in his car for an hour. I didn’t invite him in because I needed to prepare for a big work meeting which I explained.
He texted me all evening as usual. The next day, there wasn’t as much communication and he didn’t seem to be online on social media that evening like he normally is. Given his distance the previous day I felt uneasy. Then I got a message from one of my close friends that she just saw my guy out at some bar with either a girl or a group of people where there was a girl. She has met him before and she was 100% sure it was him. I still thought he may be out with friends or something. I decided to text him something along the lines of “hope you are having a relaxing evening”, expecting he will tell me he is out. He responded “Yes, I have been just sitting on the couch watching Netflix all night thinking about you”. So he lied. I couldn’t hold back and I texted “Really? My friend just said she saw you out at bar M”. He responded “I am not going to be questioned like this and I don’t have to answer to anyone”. I responded “Of course you don’t “have to” do anything”. A moment later, I find out that he blocked me on all social media, phone and as a bonus he blocked all my friends, including the one that contacted him when he previously blocked me.
I expected that he will cool down and at least send a message to formally end things as I felt I should at least get that but he never did. Two weeks have passed and I have no idea what really happened. Was I really so clingy that I ruined a good thing? I do realize that I was a bit intense but it seemed reciprocated by him until the end. Did he meet someone else? Maybe the girl that he was walking a dog with? Was I played all along? Did he even like me as much as he let on? It’s hard for me to grasp that someone has liked me as much as he said and then abruptly lost all interest that quickly and over something relatively minor. I know I should just forget it all but I wish I had some answers. I don’t get attached to online dates this quickly at all. There was something here, or at least there surely was from my side. I also totally believe my friend that he was really out that night (and it coincides with his absence from social media).
What is your take on what happened here?
We met on online and from date 1 I felt an immediate connection. I have been doing online dating for a while, and have never met anyone I felt that way about that quickly. He seemed to fully reciprocate. We ended up chatting for hours after our first date, both expressing how much we like each other.
He was in contact every day and seemed to really give me a lot of attention. He listened to what I like and organized romantic and unusual dates that matched my interests. We had picnics by the lake, washed elephants in an enclosure and went on a day trip to the woods. While we could hardly keep our hands off each other, I never felt pressured for sex like with some of the other guys. On second date he also told me that he has no desire to see anyone else and that he has even canceled other online dates he sat up before meeting me and has told women he was chatting to that he is now seeing someone.
In between the dates, he would text me that he is constantly thinking about me, how happy I make him and how he can’t wait to have me in his arms and similar romantic stuff. It was established early on that neither of us is into hook ups and never has been. We had a lot in common and it felt like a start of something special and long term in every way. He even told me that he told all his co-workers and family that he has finally met someone really special. All of it felt very genuine and not like sweet talk.
Then there was a minor thing that was kind of inconsistent with his other behavior. When talking about setting up a date on one of the weekends he told me that he is unavailable whole Saturday because he has plans to be “out and about”. It was weirdly vague given how open he was about everything else. I had to ask a few times and it turned out that he is actually walking a dog with a female friend and that will somehow take the whole day. His friend was recently dumped by her long term partner and needs company (we are all in early 30s for reference). So that was OK. The second weekend this happened I was a bit annoyed especially since we had unspecific plans to spend the whole weekend together. He was again walking the dog. I expressed my annoyance. He told me that he has known his friend for many years and has only known me for a few weeks. I thought that was a fair point but before I could even say anything, I found that he has blocked me on all social media and on the phone. I really panicked and got my friend to text him that I wanted to apologize. He did unblock me, I told him that I was out of line and we continued dating.
He was a little more reserved since this incident but still seemed to put a lot of effort into elaborate dates after which we would have amazing sex all night. He would also still contact me every day.
Two weeks later was the last day I saw him. We had a fun day planned but when he picked me up, he was definitely more distant than usual. He only made small talk and seemed tired and distracted. He was checking his phone and yawning a lot. Despite this, he was still very affectionate, holding hands and giving me constant little kisses while we were out. On the way home, I tried to make plans on when to see him next (as we usually do) but he was non-commital on the day and time. He did say that he will see me very soon and we ended up making out in his car for an hour. I didn’t invite him in because I needed to prepare for a big work meeting which I explained.
He texted me all evening as usual. The next day, there wasn’t as much communication and he didn’t seem to be online on social media that evening like he normally is. Given his distance the previous day I felt uneasy. Then I got a message from one of my close friends that she just saw my guy out at some bar with either a girl or a group of people where there was a girl. She has met him before and she was 100% sure it was him. I still thought he may be out with friends or something. I decided to text him something along the lines of “hope you are having a relaxing evening”, expecting he will tell me he is out. He responded “Yes, I have been just sitting on the couch watching Netflix all night thinking about you”. So he lied. I couldn’t hold back and I texted “Really? My friend just said she saw you out at bar M”. He responded “I am not going to be questioned like this and I don’t have to answer to anyone”. I responded “Of course you don’t “have to” do anything”. A moment later, I find out that he blocked me on all social media, phone and as a bonus he blocked all my friends, including the one that contacted him when he previously blocked me.
I expected that he will cool down and at least send a message to formally end things as I felt I should at least get that but he never did. Two weeks have passed and I have no idea what really happened. Was I really so clingy that I ruined a good thing? I do realize that I was a bit intense but it seemed reciprocated by him until the end. Did he meet someone else? Maybe the girl that he was walking a dog with? Was I played all along? Did he even like me as much as he let on? It’s hard for me to grasp that someone has liked me as much as he said and then abruptly lost all interest that quickly and over something relatively minor. I know I should just forget it all but I wish I had some answers. I don’t get attached to online dates this quickly at all. There was something here, or at least there surely was from my side. I also totally believe my friend that he was really out that night (and it coincides with his absence from social media).
What is your take on what happened here?
This post was deleted for the following reason: This is more of a "let me tell you my story"/"what do you think about this?" post than a concrete problem that people can answer -- taz
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