Encouraging Dogs to Play Together? Should I? And how?

June 15, 2017 9:51 AM

I have two dogs:

• Black Jack, a 13 year old male Schipperke who I adopted in February
• Licorice, an almost 5-year-old female Pomeranian/Pug/Cocker Spaniel/etc mix, who I've had for almost 2 years

After a few initial skirmishes, they coexist peacefully together for the most part, but almost entirely ignore each other. How can I (can I?) encourage them to play together?

My previous question from when I adopted Black Jack in February.

Licorice can be aggressive towards new dogs when she is first around them - she defaults to barking, but she will settle down and ignore them and sometimes eventually play with them. Licorice and Jack have had a couple fights in the 5 months he's been with us, but I feel confident those are managed at this point and know the triggers and warning signs.

It's been a while since the last time that happened, and lately, they've been choosing to lie down in closer proximity to each other. They have gone on multiple daily walks on a coupler on one leash since Jack's arrival, and we have NEVER had a problem with that. (In fact, they "team up" when it comes to barking at birds and squirrels.) They also sleep in bed with me with no issues, though they don't do anything approximating cuddling with each other. This is about as close as they get.

While I'm at work, they are in separate rooms, but when I am there, they have the run of the house and backyard. They usually both choose to be in the same room as me, but ignore each other.

They have NEVER played with one another. They've played at the same time, but in separate areas. I probably wouldn't find this odd at all, but Licorice has played chase with both of my sister's dogs when visiting them (a Shih-Tzu/Pom puppy, and a 13 year old Beagle (proof)). Despite Jack's age, he's quite the runner, so this would be a good game for them.

I certainly don't want to introduce any kind of conflict between them, so if "no" is the answer, or if "just be patient" is the answer, so be it. But if there's anyway of helping them into healthy play, I'd just feel better about it. Right now I feel like they are merely tolerating each other's existence.

posted by pixiecrinkle to Pets & Animals (14 answers total)

I don't know what the right answer is, but I had dogs that were more roommates than friends and that was just kind of how they were. They would play a little together when outside, but neither was super into being BFFs with the other. They would make other friends at the dog park, but I think they just had different personalities and play styles.

My feeling is to not borrow trouble. Inter-dog communication is a subtle thing that humans tend to be really bad at interpreting or trying to alter. If they aren't fighting, generally get along, and will share space, I'd call that victory. Some dogs just aren't meant to be besties, but they can be roommates and mutual friends of you and be perfectly happy.
posted by soren_lorensen at 10:02 AM on June 15, 2017

I'm just the owner of one dog, but I kind of feel like pushing them to play with each other is not really called for. They seem to be fine with the current arrangement for the most part. Would you be getting them to play with you because you wanted to watch it, or because they're genuinely interested in having fun with one another?
posted by Alensin at 10:03 AM on June 15, 2017

I've got a similarish situation, and the thing that works the best is me sitting on the floor. When that happens, it's like a weird magnet and everyone immediately needs to be pet/touched/played with. That bonhomie seems to encourage intradog play. I don't do anything to force it though, just love on all the pets/grab different toys within arms' reach and roughhouse a bit.

Most of the time, my youngest wants to play with anyone, anytime, but my middle is blind and therefore limited, and my oldest is a grump who will play tug-of-war for about 15 seconds before giving up, barking, and walking away. He's never been super playful though.

Overall, I think it's best to let them come to their own terms with each other. Where you're at is excellent, especially only after 5 months.

(A++++ on the mandatory picture links)
posted by Fig at 10:09 AM on June 15, 2017

I don't know what the right answer is, but I had dogs that were more roommates than friends and that was just kind of how they were

This describes my Regis (11) and Wyla (7) to a T.
posted by DrAstroZoom at 10:19 AM on June 15, 2017

Another vote for 'let it be.' We adopted our much younger second dog and the first, older dog, was initially jealous and somewhat protective/possessive. They never had a fight per se, but the older dog would definitely guard food and vie for attention. Over time, as we made it clear that both dogs would have equal treatment (maybe we even spoiled the old guy a bit more, to show him that he wasn't being replaced?) they tolerated each other better and better. I would also try to really demonstrate their equal treatment (e.g., pet them both at the same time and make it clear that the petting was ending for both simultaneously).

The big dog ended up being very protective of the little dog at the dog park and they'd often snuggle together. The young one also took over a bit of responsibility from the old one as he aged. It sounds like your pups have already made great strides towards sorting out their relationship. I would let them keep up their good work!
posted by stillmoving at 10:33 AM on June 15, 2017

I think you have a good situation going here as they tolerate each other well and coexist peacefully. I know it's nice when dogs play together, but it just doesn't always happen. Plus, it's only been a few months and they are both older dogs. It may just take more time. You're doing the right thing by letting it happen organically.

They're both extremely cute, by the way!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:43 AM on June 15, 2017

Let them be. Lots of "pack walks" where all three of you go walking together. Maybe look at working to get them to play together with you as the intermediary, ie they're both playing with you at the same time not each other. Some dogs like to parallel play, that is play next to each other not with each other. My dogs will both play with my husband at the same time, one will play tug of war (or hold my chew while I chew it) while the other plays fetch, neither will play with the other one but everyone seems to be having fun.

They can like the company of another dog without being best play buddies, specially as they are both older dogs which honestly prefer both having a nap in the same room together above a rough & tumble game.
posted by wwax at 12:18 PM on June 15, 2017

I feel like everyone is overlooking the obvious answer: Black Jack is 13 years old! While that's within the lifespan of a smaller dog, that is still pretty old for a dog. Is Black Jack frisky/energetic/does he play with toys and with you? He might just... be old.
posted by Automocar at 4:29 PM on June 15, 2017

My observation about dogs is the closer in age, the better they 'get' each other. As Automcar said, that's a big age difference. When you think about people of widely differing ages really becoming tight, it's unusual. I think their relationship might be naturally more junior/senior and accepting that and facilitating those moments (nap time; snuggly blankets!) might be more of a bonding experience for them than actual playing.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 5:29 PM on June 15, 2017

I also had two dogs who weren't friends--one was old and cantankerous, and the other was young and annoying. This is completely anecdotal, but the only time they'd play together was when I got my yoga mat out to stretch. I have no idea why, but it worked like a charm.
posted by radioamy at 7:06 PM on June 15, 2017

Just wanted to say that you are doing a great job (so glad to hear about the daily walks !) and also say thanks for the pic. They're both such cuties! I also vote for not trying to push them to play. They may never, but that doesn't mean they arent happy with their lives and eachother.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 9:44 PM on June 15, 2017

Automocar, I get you, that 13 seems old. *No one* believes this dog is this old. In fact, he could be as "young" as 11, because the rescue gave me paperwork with 2 different birth dates, but he is incredibly spry.

They are both pretty playful with toys (especially tennis balls) and they both LOVE to run. He is actually the more playful of the two believe it or not, and he's the faster of the two over distance (escape artist - he's made it about 4 blocks away before I've been able to catch up on 2 occasions.)

But, he is also a cantankerous old man, so I hear you. :)
posted by pixiecrinkle at 7:31 AM on June 16, 2017

Thank you everyone - I think more than anything I wanted reassurance that they weren't silently seething about each other (anthropomorphize much?)

I never think of Licorice as "older" so that makes sense too.

And radioamy, I'm trying the yoga mat! I had pretty much given up on yoga at home because Licorice thinks she should be involved. But on the off chance that's when they entertain each other....
posted by pixiecrinkle at 7:36 AM on June 16, 2017

Additional update, because I am beyond excited.

Last night, Black Jack did something he hadn't really done before, and initiated a game with me where he wanted me to chase him. In the middle of that, Licorice joined in! And they chased each other a bit, with NO GROWLING or other issues. I started throwing a toy--an apple that comes apart in two identical pieces--so that they could both chase and get the same thing without conflict.

Only lasted about 5 minutes (Jack did crazy figure 8s around the dining room table and couch and wore himself out) but this is momentous!

So you were all right to tell me to be patient. :)
posted by pixiecrinkle at 7:27 AM on June 20, 2017