Why is it easier for women then men?
May 7, 2017 3:58 PM Subscribe
Or more specifically, why does it seem to be easier for women than men, when it comes to sex and dating?
My current on/off girlfriend recently asked me the dreaded question; how many people have you slept with? I replied rather reluctantly, and then asked the same. I already knew the answer would be fairly high, although the number itself still shocked me a bit at the time. Conversely, she seemed shocked that mine was so comparatively low. Anyway, the conversation made me think, something I’ve wondered many times; why is it easier for women to date/get laid than men (at least before middle age)?
A reasonably attractive and confident youngish women seems to have no trouble at all in attracting male attention, whilst the same category of male generally has nowhere near the same level of involvement with the opposite sex. Given that there are similar ratios of men vs. women in the world, this just doesn’t make sense.
Sexually, the vast majority of youngish guys seem to fall into two categories: they are either in a long term relationship, or they are single and not getting much action at all and are pretty frustrated. Sure, there are other categories there too, there are some genuine players out there, and guys who are not interested etc. but they definitely fall in the minority.
By contrast, most girls seem to be involved with someone to some extent even if not in a relationship, and if not, it is generally by choice.
It seems that if a youngish woman wants to go wild, she will, and a lot will happen. But if a guy decides to do the same, well, generally not a lot happens at all. It also seems to me that whenever a couple breaks up, it is always the woman who finds someone else new first. The definition of singlehood also seems to be different too, when a man says they have been single for a couple of years, they often mean absolutely nothing has happened at all. By contrast, when a woman says she has been single a couple of years, sure, she hasn’t been in a relationship, but there have usually been a couple of flings or similar, not years of enforced celibacy.
I understand that there are still a substantial minority of women who fall outside of this, who are either too shy, simply not interested, or who have trouble with the opposite sex for whatever reason. But that doesn’t change the central question, in that a girl with a similar level of base attractiveness and confidence to a guy seems to have it a hell of a lot easier.
Obviously I don’t really have any official statistics to back this up, but I would rather avoid answers saying ‘prove it’. I’m also sure some women reading this are thinking ‘I’m highly attractive and intelligent and never sleep with anyone’ but I am talking very broadly here.
I do have a few theories about all of this. The first is that older men tend to chase younger women, but in reality women also tend to prefer slightly older men, and even if you remove the creepy 40 somethings dating girls in their twenties (of which I’m sure there are not that many) it still doesn’t quite add up.
The second theory is that there seem to be more women than men who are simply happy to leave the opposite sex alone. But whilst this may be a substantial minority, again, it still doesn’t seem to account overall.
Even in environments where all is equal, such as university, where everyone is of a similar age, and there is a similar ratio of men to women, and where the whole men having to make the first move etc. effectively becomes redundant, women still seem to have it easier.
In addition, just so that nobody gets side tracked from the central question, I am not asking this out of insecurity and don’t want to get involved in theories about my relationship etc. Whilst I definitely feel some jealously on behalf of my sexually frustrated younger self, these days I just want to be in a secure and established relationship. I also want to make sure that people don’t misinterpret this as some rant against women. I fully understand that while women might find it easier to find a man in the first place for dating/and or sex they still face the same challenges as men in locating genuine love, and women still have it a lot harder in the world of work for example. And also, I am fully aware that this question is entirely about heterosexual people, and does not take into account the dynamics of bisexual/gay women and men.
I realise this has rambled on a bit, but I’m sure people get the central gist. Any answers?
My current on/off girlfriend recently asked me the dreaded question; how many people have you slept with? I replied rather reluctantly, and then asked the same. I already knew the answer would be fairly high, although the number itself still shocked me a bit at the time. Conversely, she seemed shocked that mine was so comparatively low. Anyway, the conversation made me think, something I’ve wondered many times; why is it easier for women to date/get laid than men (at least before middle age)?
A reasonably attractive and confident youngish women seems to have no trouble at all in attracting male attention, whilst the same category of male generally has nowhere near the same level of involvement with the opposite sex. Given that there are similar ratios of men vs. women in the world, this just doesn’t make sense.
Sexually, the vast majority of youngish guys seem to fall into two categories: they are either in a long term relationship, or they are single and not getting much action at all and are pretty frustrated. Sure, there are other categories there too, there are some genuine players out there, and guys who are not interested etc. but they definitely fall in the minority.
By contrast, most girls seem to be involved with someone to some extent even if not in a relationship, and if not, it is generally by choice.
It seems that if a youngish woman wants to go wild, she will, and a lot will happen. But if a guy decides to do the same, well, generally not a lot happens at all. It also seems to me that whenever a couple breaks up, it is always the woman who finds someone else new first. The definition of singlehood also seems to be different too, when a man says they have been single for a couple of years, they often mean absolutely nothing has happened at all. By contrast, when a woman says she has been single a couple of years, sure, she hasn’t been in a relationship, but there have usually been a couple of flings or similar, not years of enforced celibacy.
I understand that there are still a substantial minority of women who fall outside of this, who are either too shy, simply not interested, or who have trouble with the opposite sex for whatever reason. But that doesn’t change the central question, in that a girl with a similar level of base attractiveness and confidence to a guy seems to have it a hell of a lot easier.
Obviously I don’t really have any official statistics to back this up, but I would rather avoid answers saying ‘prove it’. I’m also sure some women reading this are thinking ‘I’m highly attractive and intelligent and never sleep with anyone’ but I am talking very broadly here.
I do have a few theories about all of this. The first is that older men tend to chase younger women, but in reality women also tend to prefer slightly older men, and even if you remove the creepy 40 somethings dating girls in their twenties (of which I’m sure there are not that many) it still doesn’t quite add up.
The second theory is that there seem to be more women than men who are simply happy to leave the opposite sex alone. But whilst this may be a substantial minority, again, it still doesn’t seem to account overall.
Even in environments where all is equal, such as university, where everyone is of a similar age, and there is a similar ratio of men to women, and where the whole men having to make the first move etc. effectively becomes redundant, women still seem to have it easier.
In addition, just so that nobody gets side tracked from the central question, I am not asking this out of insecurity and don’t want to get involved in theories about my relationship etc. Whilst I definitely feel some jealously on behalf of my sexually frustrated younger self, these days I just want to be in a secure and established relationship. I also want to make sure that people don’t misinterpret this as some rant against women. I fully understand that while women might find it easier to find a man in the first place for dating/and or sex they still face the same challenges as men in locating genuine love, and women still have it a lot harder in the world of work for example. And also, I am fully aware that this question is entirely about heterosexual people, and does not take into account the dynamics of bisexual/gay women and men.
I realise this has rambled on a bit, but I’m sure people get the central gist. Any answers?
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Your premise is wrong.
posted by headnsouth at 4:01 PM on May 7, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by headnsouth at 4:01 PM on May 7, 2017 [3 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
Next question?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:00 PM on May 7, 2017 [5 favorites]