Adrift without art
April 5, 2017 12:17 PM Subscribe
For over 13 years I've wanted nothing more than to be an illustrator, and have spent most of my free time diligently working towards that goal. Lately, though, I've been coming to grips with the fact that I'm just not that good--certainly, I'll never be good enough to work as a professional illustrator. Without that goal, my life feels completely aimless. Now what?
I spent my childhood constantly drawing, then in my early teens my life took a nosedive and I stopped drawing till my early twenties. Since then, though, I've spent hours upon hours each week drawing from my imagination, copying artists I admire, sketching from life, drawing little graphic novels, taking adult art classes. I've definitely done my "10,000 hours." I've improved, but when I think back to my expectations from years ago I always thought that if I worked my ass off I'd be able to make stuff that looked really cool and striking eventually and...that hasn't happened.
My art has a certain charm, I guess, but even after all these years it looks incredibly labored. It seems like I lack a certain visual intelligence. I have difficulty with linework, composition and color, and dense details such as foliage/buildings/landscape. If I have any "gift" at all it's capturing things like facial expression and drawing quirky, cartoony characters. But details such as rooms, doorways, windows, trees, furniture, etc. elude me. My linework is shaky and inelegant. I admire several artists/cartoonists whose style rests on being sort of naive and loose and can't pull that off, either.
At any rate, I'm losing my enthusiasm for it after realizing that I'm always going to be a hobbyist and never proud enough of my stuff to show it to anyone. I'm super depressed about it, and stopped drawing altogether for a couple of months earlier this year, whereupon I got even more depressed. So I started drawing again, but am back to feeling bleak about how not-good it is. It's hard to muster the energy to work on anything when I know I'm just going to be disappointed by it.
I feel so disoriented without this goal. I was raised with the expectation that I would be the next great novelist/artist or I wasn't worth a whole lot. And I don't have any interest in the things that most people seem to--having kids, career aspirations. I work hard to be healthy and good to others in my day-to-day life. My day job is in social services so I definitely don't need to start volunteering to have a purpose in life (I think my head would explode if I took on any more problems). I seem to remember George Orwell saying something about how he made up for being a loser in real life by being a writer, and that was always a comfort to me, until now.
I have several acquaintances who set their sights on seemingly elusive goals and have now accomplished them--they've become published novelists, tenured humanities professors, etc. They worked hard and achieved their dreams. I have to admit to feeling pretty bitter and jealous of them sometimes. I feel like the proverbial short person who wants to play pro basketball.
What to do now? I've already taken a break from the art and hated not having it in my life. All I did was go for long walks and read the internet. I felt like I was just trying to fill my time. I would love to drop everything and go back to school for an art degree, but I don't have the $$ to. I'm still paying off student loans from 20 years ago. I've also already tried my hand at photography, novel writing and playing music and they just aren't for me.
Did this, or something like it, happen to you? How did you cope?
I spent my childhood constantly drawing, then in my early teens my life took a nosedive and I stopped drawing till my early twenties. Since then, though, I've spent hours upon hours each week drawing from my imagination, copying artists I admire, sketching from life, drawing little graphic novels, taking adult art classes. I've definitely done my "10,000 hours." I've improved, but when I think back to my expectations from years ago I always thought that if I worked my ass off I'd be able to make stuff that looked really cool and striking eventually and...that hasn't happened.
My art has a certain charm, I guess, but even after all these years it looks incredibly labored. It seems like I lack a certain visual intelligence. I have difficulty with linework, composition and color, and dense details such as foliage/buildings/landscape. If I have any "gift" at all it's capturing things like facial expression and drawing quirky, cartoony characters. But details such as rooms, doorways, windows, trees, furniture, etc. elude me. My linework is shaky and inelegant. I admire several artists/cartoonists whose style rests on being sort of naive and loose and can't pull that off, either.
At any rate, I'm losing my enthusiasm for it after realizing that I'm always going to be a hobbyist and never proud enough of my stuff to show it to anyone. I'm super depressed about it, and stopped drawing altogether for a couple of months earlier this year, whereupon I got even more depressed. So I started drawing again, but am back to feeling bleak about how not-good it is. It's hard to muster the energy to work on anything when I know I'm just going to be disappointed by it.
I feel so disoriented without this goal. I was raised with the expectation that I would be the next great novelist/artist or I wasn't worth a whole lot. And I don't have any interest in the things that most people seem to--having kids, career aspirations. I work hard to be healthy and good to others in my day-to-day life. My day job is in social services so I definitely don't need to start volunteering to have a purpose in life (I think my head would explode if I took on any more problems). I seem to remember George Orwell saying something about how he made up for being a loser in real life by being a writer, and that was always a comfort to me, until now.
I have several acquaintances who set their sights on seemingly elusive goals and have now accomplished them--they've become published novelists, tenured humanities professors, etc. They worked hard and achieved their dreams. I have to admit to feeling pretty bitter and jealous of them sometimes. I feel like the proverbial short person who wants to play pro basketball.
What to do now? I've already taken a break from the art and hated not having it in my life. All I did was go for long walks and read the internet. I felt like I was just trying to fill my time. I would love to drop everything and go back to school for an art degree, but I don't have the $$ to. I'm still paying off student loans from 20 years ago. I've also already tried my hand at photography, novel writing and playing music and they just aren't for me.
Did this, or something like it, happen to you? How did you cope?
Have you attended any residencies or week-long illustrator's retreats or camps? Building a community helps a lot. I think my formative years of being claiming my identity as a writer in a young adult summer program helped solidify it as an identity, but without trying to bludgeon myself for not being where I am in my craft. I still keep in touch with many of those friends 8 years on.
I also know you've attended so many classes and stuff, but I've found the /r/ArtFundamentals community to be really helpful and supportive.
posted by yueliang at 12:30 PM on April 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
I also know you've attended so many classes and stuff, but I've found the /r/ArtFundamentals community to be really helpful and supportive.
posted by yueliang at 12:30 PM on April 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
Have you ever tried working in a group/class or with a mentor? Do they have writing groups for visual art?
A gift for capturing facial expression is valuable. Art doesn't work in isolation; the best art connects to ... something. What else are you interested in? Situations/people/experiences... what would you draw in service of?
There are a lot of messages out there that would benefit from having even the most basic visual communication, and if you can capture emotion of some kind, nobody is going to care if the line work isn't whatever (I'm not an artist, so I'm not sure what this means).
If you MeMail me, I'll send you a link to my semi-successful brother's work. He's mainly a story teller, but he does it visually. He knows he's not the best artist in the world, but he's been supporting himself with his work and touching a lot of people. He recently started working with a partner; she does visuals, he does stories. His love of and familiarity with the art part of it, though, gives him enormous advantages in communicating and working with her, I think (we haven't talked about it).
posted by amtho at 12:30 PM on April 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
A gift for capturing facial expression is valuable. Art doesn't work in isolation; the best art connects to ... something. What else are you interested in? Situations/people/experiences... what would you draw in service of?
There are a lot of messages out there that would benefit from having even the most basic visual communication, and if you can capture emotion of some kind, nobody is going to care if the line work isn't whatever (I'm not an artist, so I'm not sure what this means).
If you MeMail me, I'll send you a link to my semi-successful brother's work. He's mainly a story teller, but he does it visually. He knows he's not the best artist in the world, but he's been supporting himself with his work and touching a lot of people. He recently started working with a partner; she does visuals, he does stories. His love of and familiarity with the art part of it, though, gives him enormous advantages in communicating and working with her, I think (we haven't talked about it).
posted by amtho at 12:30 PM on April 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
But details such as rooms, doorways, windows, trees, furniture, etc. elude me. Then you're not a background artist then! Concentrate on things that you know you are good at - like you said you have a "gift" at capturing things like facial expression and drawing quirky, cartoony characters. Most artists can't do it all and don't - there is a reason Bob Ross doesn't paint people.
posted by littlesq at 12:46 PM on April 5, 2017 [19 favorites]
posted by littlesq at 12:46 PM on April 5, 2017 [19 favorites]
Training might help a lot. Also, any decent art program will have critiques - you are probably not a good judge of your work.
Can you photoshop? A large percentage of the illustration I see in magazines and posters is some sort of photoshopped design, picture, or all typography. People who are good at photoshop seem to get employed.
Go spend some time in the kids section of a bookstore. Many of the illustrations employ design more than drawing and painting.
If you've decided to move on, get to your library and spend some time in the careers section. When I ran a business, I had an accountant who advertised as holistic. Great accountant, but also a proponent of simple living, socialism, and hugs. There are opportunities for creativity in many unexpected areas.
As far as volunteering, theater groups need competent artists, local newspapers need art critics, etc. Plenty of opportunities that aren't dismal.
And, consider keep being an artist, and continuing to express your vision, and no t being confined to representational art.
posted by theora55 at 12:53 PM on April 5, 2017
Can you photoshop? A large percentage of the illustration I see in magazines and posters is some sort of photoshopped design, picture, or all typography. People who are good at photoshop seem to get employed.
Go spend some time in the kids section of a bookstore. Many of the illustrations employ design more than drawing and painting.
If you've decided to move on, get to your library and spend some time in the careers section. When I ran a business, I had an accountant who advertised as holistic. Great accountant, but also a proponent of simple living, socialism, and hugs. There are opportunities for creativity in many unexpected areas.
As far as volunteering, theater groups need competent artists, local newspapers need art critics, etc. Plenty of opportunities that aren't dismal.
And, consider keep being an artist, and continuing to express your vision, and no t being confined to representational art.
posted by theora55 at 12:53 PM on April 5, 2017
Hi, anon; I totally feel you on this. I was like you, drawing constantly as a kid. I then spent a lot of time in my 20s through my early 40s doing graphic design as my only creative outlet, but not drawing much at all. Then in my 40s, for some reason (actually, I think it was a question I asked here!) I decided to take a scientific illustration program at a local university. That was what I needed to get me back into drawing. My strengths are: tiny details (bugs, leaves), and a certain amount of realism. My weaknesses are: composition (I still struggle greatly with it) drawing humans (I just canNOT), and having a consistent style. I'm in my early 50s now, and still doing design as a job, but working my way toward more illustration. A friend of mine is writing a book and she asked me to illustrate it; it will be self-published, but it's been great for getting me to focus on a particular subject and try to develop a style. I've done some illustrations for work, as well. Here's a bunch of my random work, going back to when it was really bad. :) It's still not great, but it is what it is and I enjoy doing it.
I have spent a pretty good amount of time thinking about the "personal style" issue. I wonder if that's what's missing for you. You probably can produce some pretty great work, but maybe it's not what you think you should be producing. I've also looked a lot at other peoples' work, and I recommend that. You can probably copy a lot of styles, if you try. There's nothing wrong with that, in my opinion - by copying, you learn. You don't go out there and try to sell yourself as them, but you definitely learn that way.
A resource I recently found helpful is the podcast "Creative Pep Talk." He talks about working toward a career in illustration, about developing your style, and other relevant topics.
Also, I want to agree with the comment above to share your work and see what others think. And do take classes, if you can; even community college extension classes can be helpful.
More than anything, please don't give up on your dream. I wish I had tried harder for those two lost decades of my life. You can do this. If you want to PM me, please do; we can encourage each other.
posted by TochterAusElysium at 12:56 PM on April 5, 2017 [19 favorites]
I have spent a pretty good amount of time thinking about the "personal style" issue. I wonder if that's what's missing for you. You probably can produce some pretty great work, but maybe it's not what you think you should be producing. I've also looked a lot at other peoples' work, and I recommend that. You can probably copy a lot of styles, if you try. There's nothing wrong with that, in my opinion - by copying, you learn. You don't go out there and try to sell yourself as them, but you definitely learn that way.
A resource I recently found helpful is the podcast "Creative Pep Talk." He talks about working toward a career in illustration, about developing your style, and other relevant topics.
Also, I want to agree with the comment above to share your work and see what others think. And do take classes, if you can; even community college extension classes can be helpful.
More than anything, please don't give up on your dream. I wish I had tried harder for those two lost decades of my life. You can do this. If you want to PM me, please do; we can encourage each other.
posted by TochterAusElysium at 12:56 PM on April 5, 2017 [19 favorites]
Whew. A few things.
First of all, I can't actually tell from your question what dream it is you've given up on. I think that's because you haven't given yourself the courtesy of actually having a real goal beyond "be a great artist". That's not something you stick the landing on - you'll never feel happy.
So what is it you feel like you need to back away from? You talk about your technique and you seem to feel there is some spark missing. How could you make that success more objective? Then at least you could swing for it, and if you miss, know that you tried. Instead of it being this general sinking feeling that you just "didn't have what it takes". If you look at the most respected artists in the world, they probably don't measure up to their reputations of greatness in their own mind. They are always striving. This makes for a good artist, not a bad one.
Or... do you feel like you need to back away from the dream of being a full time professional illustrator? Because being the greatest at your craft is not the same as that. I have worked with a lot of illustrators in my career. There were times where I was awed by their skill and talent but that was mostly adjacent and irrelevant to whether or not they gave me the work I needed. If it was about making it into your trade, could you make that more objective and try for it?
You can also use that jealousy you feel toward your friends who accomplished their dreams and use it to help bring your personal criticism into focus. What is it that they have - really - that you do not have? Is it a glittering resume? Respect of their peers? A to-die-for instagram?
You can take this "something is missing" feeling and turn it into a hunt for goals.
I also heartily agree with Alterscape in that you need to open yourself up to collaborating and getting objective feedback. It's very easy to FEEL a lot of things about your art. It's another thing to triangulate something closer to objective truth by talking to other people about their feelings. You'll be shocked at how much you see that they don't, and vice versa. There is nothing quite so motivating as learning how to inspire other artists and be inspired by them.
I felt about my musicianship the way you feel about your art for a long time. And then I worked with a really good producer who helped me define my goals. We centered on "I want to be perceived as a musician and garner respect from other musicians" as a goal. Man -- I feel like I did my best on that one. Even though my life is hardly any different than it was before. I'm not an international superstar, which I certainly dreamed of (and dream of) being, but I still feel like I'm living my dream. I didn't before. Just something to chew on!
Finally, I want to challenge you on the loser thing. I know you're being glib, but I think it's worth calling out. Your thinking here seems very binary - either you tick this "greatness" box or you're a failure. First of all -- I am lucky enough to be living my dreams making video games and music. But I have a lot of friends who are social workers and medical professionals working with people who REALLY need them - and I often feel, not jealousy so much as a deep reverence and respect and an admiration. I often find myself longing to have such a direct impact on lives as they do. Taking stock of, and having a deep appreciation for, the ways in which you are a positive light in the world WITHOUT your artistic greatness could easily be a big key to unlocking your best art.
posted by pazazygeek at 12:56 PM on April 5, 2017 [24 favorites]
First of all, I can't actually tell from your question what dream it is you've given up on. I think that's because you haven't given yourself the courtesy of actually having a real goal beyond "be a great artist". That's not something you stick the landing on - you'll never feel happy.
So what is it you feel like you need to back away from? You talk about your technique and you seem to feel there is some spark missing. How could you make that success more objective? Then at least you could swing for it, and if you miss, know that you tried. Instead of it being this general sinking feeling that you just "didn't have what it takes". If you look at the most respected artists in the world, they probably don't measure up to their reputations of greatness in their own mind. They are always striving. This makes for a good artist, not a bad one.
Or... do you feel like you need to back away from the dream of being a full time professional illustrator? Because being the greatest at your craft is not the same as that. I have worked with a lot of illustrators in my career. There were times where I was awed by their skill and talent but that was mostly adjacent and irrelevant to whether or not they gave me the work I needed. If it was about making it into your trade, could you make that more objective and try for it?
You can also use that jealousy you feel toward your friends who accomplished their dreams and use it to help bring your personal criticism into focus. What is it that they have - really - that you do not have? Is it a glittering resume? Respect of their peers? A to-die-for instagram?
You can take this "something is missing" feeling and turn it into a hunt for goals.
I also heartily agree with Alterscape in that you need to open yourself up to collaborating and getting objective feedback. It's very easy to FEEL a lot of things about your art. It's another thing to triangulate something closer to objective truth by talking to other people about their feelings. You'll be shocked at how much you see that they don't, and vice versa. There is nothing quite so motivating as learning how to inspire other artists and be inspired by them.
I felt about my musicianship the way you feel about your art for a long time. And then I worked with a really good producer who helped me define my goals. We centered on "I want to be perceived as a musician and garner respect from other musicians" as a goal. Man -- I feel like I did my best on that one. Even though my life is hardly any different than it was before. I'm not an international superstar, which I certainly dreamed of (and dream of) being, but I still feel like I'm living my dream. I didn't before. Just something to chew on!
Finally, I want to challenge you on the loser thing. I know you're being glib, but I think it's worth calling out. Your thinking here seems very binary - either you tick this "greatness" box or you're a failure. First of all -- I am lucky enough to be living my dreams making video games and music. But I have a lot of friends who are social workers and medical professionals working with people who REALLY need them - and I often feel, not jealousy so much as a deep reverence and respect and an admiration. I often find myself longing to have such a direct impact on lives as they do. Taking stock of, and having a deep appreciation for, the ways in which you are a positive light in the world WITHOUT your artistic greatness could easily be a big key to unlocking your best art.
posted by pazazygeek at 12:56 PM on April 5, 2017 [24 favorites]
I was raised with the expectation that I would be the next great novelist/artist or I wasn't worth a whole lot.
I want to stomp on whoever raised you.
I love the ideas in this thread, but even if you were already making tons of money from your art or showing or getting great reviews, this hole in your soul would just be making you be depressed that you weren't winning/earning/experiencing X-unattainable-thing, I suspect.
If you were a Great Artist, what would you want...
- to be known for
- to do in the large sense of the word
- to do in the daily sense of the word
Can you do that, whatever it is? If it's talk to other artists, do that. If it's to be known as having illustrated the dark recesses of some injustice, do that with your current skill set. If it's to spend every day with agents calling you...get some friends, they are even better.
If it's get paid/published, just do that, don't worry about whether it's 'great' or not.
I hope that makes sense? Being "a great artist" isn't -- anything, it's a very general unhelpful statement. Your other friends' goals you expressed much more clearly - a published novelist, a tenured professor. What are your markers?
posted by warriorqueen at 1:01 PM on April 5, 2017 [5 favorites]
I want to stomp on whoever raised you.
I love the ideas in this thread, but even if you were already making tons of money from your art or showing or getting great reviews, this hole in your soul would just be making you be depressed that you weren't winning/earning/experiencing X-unattainable-thing, I suspect.
If you were a Great Artist, what would you want...
- to be known for
- to do in the large sense of the word
- to do in the daily sense of the word
Can you do that, whatever it is? If it's talk to other artists, do that. If it's to be known as having illustrated the dark recesses of some injustice, do that with your current skill set. If it's to spend every day with agents calling you...get some friends, they are even better.
If it's get paid/published, just do that, don't worry about whether it's 'great' or not.
I hope that makes sense? Being "a great artist" isn't -- anything, it's a very general unhelpful statement. Your other friends' goals you expressed much more clearly - a published novelist, a tenured professor. What are your markers?
posted by warriorqueen at 1:01 PM on April 5, 2017 [5 favorites]
I feel like there are a lot of ways the advice you get here can go, but I would suggest maybe recalibrate your goals and expectations.
First, you don't need to be the best artist ever. Let's be honest, there are always going to be a lot of people better than you, but you're also better than a ton of people. It's not about being perfect, it's about having your own style and being able to execute your ideas.
Second, it sounds like you've put in a lot of work at being a good artist, but you don't mention taking any steps toward trying to get gigs doing it for money. You talk about trying to perfect your skills, which is a fool's errand, but you don't mention any steps you've taken to leave the realm of "hobbyist" that you seem so depressed about.
It sounds to me like you just have the wrong goal or are going about achieving it the wrong way. Think about it this way: Bob is an aspiring writer and after he got his bachelor's degree in writing, he got a master's degree, then he got a PhD, and then he decided to go get another master's degree, and another PhD, and on and on, all while writing for himself in his free time. He just continued to study how to be a writer, but he never actual decided to become a writer. He never tried to sell a story or freelance for a publication. He never looked for a job writing somewhere. He never networked with other writers and editors to let them know he was pursing that as his dream career. And yet he got depressed that he wasn't a successful writer and was only a hobbyist. Doesn't make sense, does it? You'd say, "Hey Bob! You've done everything except try to become a writer!"
You seem to have decided you will never be a professional illustrator without even actually trying to be a professional illustrator. Drawing in your free time and taking classes are great, but they don't actually turn you into a professional illustrator. And you don't need to be the best artist ever to fulfill your dream of becoming an illustrator either. So, I don't think you need to go back to school for an art degree - I think you should first start by trying to get paid gigs to do illustrations and see how it goes. You may find you need to improve in a specific area, and that's fine, but when I read your question, I get a distinct sense of "imposter syndrome." Here's a secret: A lot of people who have found success in a given field aren't that talented. They are not all better than you.
I don't know a lot how the art world goes, but if it's anything like writing maybe my experience will help. I am writer with a sort of niche area of expertise that I am deeply passionate about. My dream was to do this writing full time -- essentially turn my hobby into my career. While I had other jobs not doing this, I wrote in my free time, pitching pieces of writing to websites and magazines. I made very little money and it was a lot of hard work, devoting all my free time to it. But I networked and I gradually tried to write for bigger and bigger publications. At times I got depressed and cried thinking that I'd never achieve my dream and all my hard work was for naught. I thought about giving up more than once. Well, I stuck with it, and years later I have my dream job. I do the writing I love all the time and nothing else. It took several years and, hey, I am definitely still not the best writer out there by any means. I look at other writing and think, "Gosh, So-and-So is so talented. I'll never be that good." There are a lot of writers in this field that are way better than me. And yet, it doesn't matter. I have the things I am passionate about and I have my own ideas to bring to the table. So, if you are able to gradually get your foot in the door in the world of being a professional illustrator, it can snowball from there and you can achieve your dream. But right now, it doesn't sound like you are taking any steps toward that.
If your goal is to be one of the world's great artists, then yeah, you're never going to achieve that dream. It's not only too vague to be achieved, but it's also not reasonable either way. You need a goal that is specific and attainable, and take steps toward it.
posted by AppleTurnover at 1:04 PM on April 5, 2017 [13 favorites]
First, you don't need to be the best artist ever. Let's be honest, there are always going to be a lot of people better than you, but you're also better than a ton of people. It's not about being perfect, it's about having your own style and being able to execute your ideas.
Second, it sounds like you've put in a lot of work at being a good artist, but you don't mention taking any steps toward trying to get gigs doing it for money. You talk about trying to perfect your skills, which is a fool's errand, but you don't mention any steps you've taken to leave the realm of "hobbyist" that you seem so depressed about.
It sounds to me like you just have the wrong goal or are going about achieving it the wrong way. Think about it this way: Bob is an aspiring writer and after he got his bachelor's degree in writing, he got a master's degree, then he got a PhD, and then he decided to go get another master's degree, and another PhD, and on and on, all while writing for himself in his free time. He just continued to study how to be a writer, but he never actual decided to become a writer. He never tried to sell a story or freelance for a publication. He never looked for a job writing somewhere. He never networked with other writers and editors to let them know he was pursing that as his dream career. And yet he got depressed that he wasn't a successful writer and was only a hobbyist. Doesn't make sense, does it? You'd say, "Hey Bob! You've done everything except try to become a writer!"
You seem to have decided you will never be a professional illustrator without even actually trying to be a professional illustrator. Drawing in your free time and taking classes are great, but they don't actually turn you into a professional illustrator. And you don't need to be the best artist ever to fulfill your dream of becoming an illustrator either. So, I don't think you need to go back to school for an art degree - I think you should first start by trying to get paid gigs to do illustrations and see how it goes. You may find you need to improve in a specific area, and that's fine, but when I read your question, I get a distinct sense of "imposter syndrome." Here's a secret: A lot of people who have found success in a given field aren't that talented. They are not all better than you.
I don't know a lot how the art world goes, but if it's anything like writing maybe my experience will help. I am writer with a sort of niche area of expertise that I am deeply passionate about. My dream was to do this writing full time -- essentially turn my hobby into my career. While I had other jobs not doing this, I wrote in my free time, pitching pieces of writing to websites and magazines. I made very little money and it was a lot of hard work, devoting all my free time to it. But I networked and I gradually tried to write for bigger and bigger publications. At times I got depressed and cried thinking that I'd never achieve my dream and all my hard work was for naught. I thought about giving up more than once. Well, I stuck with it, and years later I have my dream job. I do the writing I love all the time and nothing else. It took several years and, hey, I am definitely still not the best writer out there by any means. I look at other writing and think, "Gosh, So-and-So is so talented. I'll never be that good." There are a lot of writers in this field that are way better than me. And yet, it doesn't matter. I have the things I am passionate about and I have my own ideas to bring to the table. So, if you are able to gradually get your foot in the door in the world of being a professional illustrator, it can snowball from there and you can achieve your dream. But right now, it doesn't sound like you are taking any steps toward that.
If your goal is to be one of the world's great artists, then yeah, you're never going to achieve that dream. It's not only too vague to be achieved, but it's also not reasonable either way. You need a goal that is specific and attainable, and take steps toward it.
posted by AppleTurnover at 1:04 PM on April 5, 2017 [13 favorites]
And oops, I skipped a step in my outrage.
You don't have to be great. You just need a life that makes you happy. You are worthy of all good things just as you are. That's a huge thing and probably not something you can talk yourself into. You can only come at it sometimes by noticing what really, really makes you happy.
My questions are designed to narrow in on that.
I wanted to be a full-time novelist but I realized at some point that one of my big concepts of that was that I would have time to walk on the beach so - now I walk on the beach most days, having worked a day job to buy a house near one. And I am really happy! I haven't given up entirely on my artistic dream but...I am in it already.
posted by warriorqueen at 1:05 PM on April 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
You don't have to be great. You just need a life that makes you happy. You are worthy of all good things just as you are. That's a huge thing and probably not something you can talk yourself into. You can only come at it sometimes by noticing what really, really makes you happy.
My questions are designed to narrow in on that.
I wanted to be a full-time novelist but I realized at some point that one of my big concepts of that was that I would have time to walk on the beach so - now I walk on the beach most days, having worked a day job to buy a house near one. And I am really happy! I haven't given up entirely on my artistic dream but...I am in it already.
posted by warriorqueen at 1:05 PM on April 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
Have you considered graphic design or web design? If you like the precision of illustration, but your hand-drawing talent isn't stellar, then a different medium may be the answer. The added bonus is that you can make a decent living and be paid to be creative (which isn't to say that you have unlimited creative license, though).
posted by Autumnheart at 1:14 PM on April 5, 2017
posted by Autumnheart at 1:14 PM on April 5, 2017
Have you looked into illustrating for children's books? I spend a lot of time reading to a two-year old and children's book illustrations run the gamut from amazing to terrible to 'very unique and not technically amazing but perfect for the book.' And plenty of them have barely any (or none) background drawing. You might fit a niche you haven't explored yet.
posted by mirabelle at 1:27 PM on April 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by mirabelle at 1:27 PM on April 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
The world of professional art and illustration is not remotely a meritocracy. People with business and self-promotional skills do well, and people without them do poorly. When people's artwork appears in professional contexts, it's not because they've been judged to be Good; it's because they've found somebody who can use what it is that they do--found them either by sheer dumb luck, a huge amount of persistent work, or both. It is entirely possible that you can do that, and if you can't it is not an indication that your work isn't good.
Years ago I had the good fortune to take a class with Howard Brodie, known for his reportorial sketches of combat in World War II. At the first meeting he handed out copies of a quote attributed to Martha Graham, the dancer and choreographer, which he thought it was important for anybody involved in creative work to read. It goes like this:
"There is a vitality, a life force... that is translated through you into action. And because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching."
Good luck with your stuff.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 1:42 PM on April 5, 2017 [37 favorites]
Years ago I had the good fortune to take a class with Howard Brodie, known for his reportorial sketches of combat in World War II. At the first meeting he handed out copies of a quote attributed to Martha Graham, the dancer and choreographer, which he thought it was important for anybody involved in creative work to read. It goes like this:
"There is a vitality, a life force... that is translated through you into action. And because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching."
Good luck with your stuff.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 1:42 PM on April 5, 2017 [37 favorites]
Hi, Anon. I am in social services. In seventh grade I wanted to be the next Michael Crichton and developed my skills through workshops over the years culminating in an MFA and a book of poetry and I do not do jack with it. I had a major adjustment period facing the experience of being a fish whose pond got smaller and gave up an Important Thing because I had self-doubt.
In my case I don't regret it as my personality shifted into more concrete realms, but I understand the longing and the torture of it all. MeMail me if my experience might be useful.
posted by crunchy potato at 1:44 PM on April 5, 2017
In my case I don't regret it as my personality shifted into more concrete realms, but I understand the longing and the torture of it all. MeMail me if my experience might be useful.
posted by crunchy potato at 1:44 PM on April 5, 2017
This question hits so close to home for me. I majored in art, and I dream of being a professional illustrator, but really I'm kind of terrible at drawing and every time I work on it I just get frustrated at how far I am from where I want to be. If you figure out the answer, let me know.
That said, I suspect this is a key part of the puzzle:
never proud enough of my stuff to show it to anyone
That's my fatal flaw, and I wonder if it might be yours too. I'm the kind of perfectionist who gives up if something isn't exactly the way I want it, plus I've got social anxiety and I take criticism way too personally. Does that sound familiar, and if so are you like this in other areas? If so, therapy can help, and practicing putting yourself out there in non-art-related social situations can help. (Spearheading a new project at work? Joining a community group of some sort? Throwing cool parties?) Find new places where you can be bold and loud and wrong and you can publicly mess up without it feeling like a knife to your soul. From there, start inching your way towards projects and gatherings that are closer to what you want to do, but still low-risk enough that you're okay with flopping. Get good at failing, then bring your art into it.
I guarantee you there are worse illustrators than you making a living at it, and many of the amazing ones have some lackluster early work floating around out there. Some of the people you're comparing yourself to aren't as good at their thing as you are at yours. But they put their things in front of other people.
Your art is good, and it will keep getting better. Now practice your pride.
posted by Metroid Baby at 2:17 PM on April 5, 2017 [6 favorites]
That said, I suspect this is a key part of the puzzle:
never proud enough of my stuff to show it to anyone
That's my fatal flaw, and I wonder if it might be yours too. I'm the kind of perfectionist who gives up if something isn't exactly the way I want it, plus I've got social anxiety and I take criticism way too personally. Does that sound familiar, and if so are you like this in other areas? If so, therapy can help, and practicing putting yourself out there in non-art-related social situations can help. (Spearheading a new project at work? Joining a community group of some sort? Throwing cool parties?) Find new places where you can be bold and loud and wrong and you can publicly mess up without it feeling like a knife to your soul. From there, start inching your way towards projects and gatherings that are closer to what you want to do, but still low-risk enough that you're okay with flopping. Get good at failing, then bring your art into it.
I guarantee you there are worse illustrators than you making a living at it, and many of the amazing ones have some lackluster early work floating around out there. Some of the people you're comparing yourself to aren't as good at their thing as you are at yours. But they put their things in front of other people.
Your art is good, and it will keep getting better. Now practice your pride.
posted by Metroid Baby at 2:17 PM on April 5, 2017 [6 favorites]
A lot to work through here.
First, it's possible to be a successful hobbyist. Do you think Chekhov felt like a failure because he practiced medicine as his real job? Do you think Wallace Stevens felt like "not a real poet" because he worked for an insurance company? Being a dilettante could actually be an advantage, since you're liberated to some degree from commercial pressure.
Second, illustration is one field where technique is pretty overrated. Think of any contemporary illustrator, and you probably don't think "wow, that person has incredible technique". Illustration, like rock music, is more expressionist in nature. Excessive technique might actually be a hindrance.
Third, even if you do become quite accomplished as an illustrator (or a novelist, for that matter), it's probably not the most renumerative career. There's no shortage of critically-acclaimed creative types who get by on food stamps because they don't earn enough from their art to pay bills.
Some quick recommendations, because I'm leaving work and I have to pick up my kid from daycare:
Buy a camera and try photography. You acknowledge that composition is a weakness. What I infer from your post, though, is that there's more that's missing, the intangible "it" factor. Photography is similar enough to illustration that you should be able to pick up the basics quickly, but without your technique to fall back on, you'll have to force yourself to learn the things you lack as an illustrator in order to take compelling photos.
Submit some cartoons to the New Yorker. If I met someone who told me they'd published a cartoon in the New Yorker, that would blow my mind way more than if they were a tenured humanities professor. (And my biggest feel-like-a-failure moment in life was getting rejected from humanities Ph.D. programs, so...)
Try graphic design. Like photography, above, with the added bonus that you can make a good career out of it.
I recommend this book a lot, but "The Artist in the Office" by Summer Pierre is worth reading.
posted by kevinbelt at 2:22 PM on April 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
First, it's possible to be a successful hobbyist. Do you think Chekhov felt like a failure because he practiced medicine as his real job? Do you think Wallace Stevens felt like "not a real poet" because he worked for an insurance company? Being a dilettante could actually be an advantage, since you're liberated to some degree from commercial pressure.
Second, illustration is one field where technique is pretty overrated. Think of any contemporary illustrator, and you probably don't think "wow, that person has incredible technique". Illustration, like rock music, is more expressionist in nature. Excessive technique might actually be a hindrance.
Third, even if you do become quite accomplished as an illustrator (or a novelist, for that matter), it's probably not the most renumerative career. There's no shortage of critically-acclaimed creative types who get by on food stamps because they don't earn enough from their art to pay bills.
Some quick recommendations, because I'm leaving work and I have to pick up my kid from daycare:
Buy a camera and try photography. You acknowledge that composition is a weakness. What I infer from your post, though, is that there's more that's missing, the intangible "it" factor. Photography is similar enough to illustration that you should be able to pick up the basics quickly, but without your technique to fall back on, you'll have to force yourself to learn the things you lack as an illustrator in order to take compelling photos.
Submit some cartoons to the New Yorker. If I met someone who told me they'd published a cartoon in the New Yorker, that would blow my mind way more than if they were a tenured humanities professor. (And my biggest feel-like-a-failure moment in life was getting rejected from humanities Ph.D. programs, so...)
Try graphic design. Like photography, above, with the added bonus that you can make a good career out of it.
I recommend this book a lot, but "The Artist in the Office" by Summer Pierre is worth reading.
posted by kevinbelt at 2:22 PM on April 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
I actually did have a run as a stage manager for ten years - and I've pretty much given it up because I was always going to need a day job, because the financial realities of that kind of work is just not going to be economically viable for me to live on.
But the thing is, that does not discount the work I put into it, and the work I did. I don't say I was a stage manager as a hobby - I was a stage manager, period.
you are an artist, period. Whether or not you get paid for it, who gives a shit.
So you aren't in a gabillion galleries. Big deal. Do you make things that weren't in the world before? Good. That's all you need to do. So what if you need a day job alongside it - welcome to the other 98% of the creative people out there.
And even if you did strike it rich and make it big with one gallery showing - what happens when that closes? You go back to the bucket with the rest of us. The one make-it-big hit is no guarantee that it is going to be sustainable. Even Ansel Adams probably had to do wedding photos now and then.
that's counter to the usual model for a life that people come up with, so it's weird to get your head around, but it's also freeing - the social work is your side hustle, and it is how corporate america is sponsoring you personally as an artist. Hooray! Your rent and bills are paid, and that means you have the freedom to do what you want to do as an artist. That means you get to have some playtime.
And I think you desperately need to get some playtime going. Find some meetup groups with other artists that are donig just fun, goofing-around art. Or better yet, start one of your own. If you don't like how you do walls, then try doing stuff without walls. Try different mediums. Play with colors you wouldn't usually use. Find what makes you actually happy, and then focus on just making art that makes you happy for a while. Show it to the people in your group and get their feedback, and give feedback to them, and you'll give each other idea for new things to try.
And maybe one day you'll hit on something new that you really dig and someone else will dig it and it will open up a whole new avenue for art that you hadn't thought of. Or, maybe not; maybe you'll just occasionally sell some prints at a craft fair. But- you'll be happy.
And don't knock the smaller craft fairs like that. The best and most comforting thing I ever read about assessing your own talent as an artist came from Stephen King - he said that if you wanted to figure out if you were talented, the best yardstick he knew of was
a) you were paid for something you created,
b) in money instead of exposure,
c) the check the client used to pay you did not bounce, and
d) there was enough of an amount in it for you to be able to pay one of your utility bills.
You can do that through like a small local shop. That does count, I promise.
Try thinking of how to fall back in love with art. That will lead you to where you're fated to get - even if all that means is you maybe sell one or two paintings in your local library or you open an Etsy store and sell t-shirts or whatever, it still counts enough for you to say that you are an artist. Because you are one.
Good luck.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:29 PM on April 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
But the thing is, that does not discount the work I put into it, and the work I did. I don't say I was a stage manager as a hobby - I was a stage manager, period.
you are an artist, period. Whether or not you get paid for it, who gives a shit.
So you aren't in a gabillion galleries. Big deal. Do you make things that weren't in the world before? Good. That's all you need to do. So what if you need a day job alongside it - welcome to the other 98% of the creative people out there.
And even if you did strike it rich and make it big with one gallery showing - what happens when that closes? You go back to the bucket with the rest of us. The one make-it-big hit is no guarantee that it is going to be sustainable. Even Ansel Adams probably had to do wedding photos now and then.
that's counter to the usual model for a life that people come up with, so it's weird to get your head around, but it's also freeing - the social work is your side hustle, and it is how corporate america is sponsoring you personally as an artist. Hooray! Your rent and bills are paid, and that means you have the freedom to do what you want to do as an artist. That means you get to have some playtime.
And I think you desperately need to get some playtime going. Find some meetup groups with other artists that are donig just fun, goofing-around art. Or better yet, start one of your own. If you don't like how you do walls, then try doing stuff without walls. Try different mediums. Play with colors you wouldn't usually use. Find what makes you actually happy, and then focus on just making art that makes you happy for a while. Show it to the people in your group and get their feedback, and give feedback to them, and you'll give each other idea for new things to try.
And maybe one day you'll hit on something new that you really dig and someone else will dig it and it will open up a whole new avenue for art that you hadn't thought of. Or, maybe not; maybe you'll just occasionally sell some prints at a craft fair. But- you'll be happy.
And don't knock the smaller craft fairs like that. The best and most comforting thing I ever read about assessing your own talent as an artist came from Stephen King - he said that if you wanted to figure out if you were talented, the best yardstick he knew of was
a) you were paid for something you created,
b) in money instead of exposure,
c) the check the client used to pay you did not bounce, and
d) there was enough of an amount in it for you to be able to pay one of your utility bills.
You can do that through like a small local shop. That does count, I promise.
Try thinking of how to fall back in love with art. That will lead you to where you're fated to get - even if all that means is you maybe sell one or two paintings in your local library or you open an Etsy store and sell t-shirts or whatever, it still counts enough for you to say that you are an artist. Because you are one.
Good luck.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:29 PM on April 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
A lot of good advice here, but maybe no one is quite clear about the fact that there is no bottom line in illustration. I agree with most people above that you might be dragging yourself down, and the outside conditions might be more important that your talent. Look at Maisy the Mouse It's not like this is fine art. But I'm certain she is hauling in some good moneys.
posted by mumimor at 2:45 PM on April 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by mumimor at 2:45 PM on April 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Here are a few books to review, they give direction if you want to be known. I found them to be inspiring, but haven't dedicated myself to following all their instructions, yet.
There's art, and there is the business of art. One you can do alone, but the other requires some planning and interfacing with people/places/communities.
Easy to Digest:
Steal Like an Artist
Show Your Work
Deeper and more Involved:
Taking the Leap: Building a Career as a Visual Artist (The Insider's Guide to Exhibiting and Selling Your Art)
My advice?
Make art. keep making art, make some goals, small and large, point yourself at them and go.
Compare your art to your past art, do you see improvement? Then you are going in the right direction.
Comparing yourself to your friends is like trying to compare oranges and orangutans. Be inspired, sure, but trying to compare disparate styles/efforts/personalities will only make your miserable, and likely distance you from these crazy awesome inspiring people you know. So don't do that!
My personal goal is to have people want my work, in my style. It's not a popular style, but it makes me happy as I make it, and I hope that feeling translates. I get the feeling it'll always be a goal in progress.
The doubt?
Well, we all feel that at times. I'm starting to think that I feel that the most right before I level up. It's the translation of the uncanny valley phenomenon to my own process, ie... somethings's very not right because it's so very close to something amazing.
Of course, I won't see it unless I push through the doubt and fear and just make more art. Maybe it'll be the same for you.
posted by dreamling at 3:01 PM on April 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
There's art, and there is the business of art. One you can do alone, but the other requires some planning and interfacing with people/places/communities.
Easy to Digest:
Steal Like an Artist
Show Your Work
Deeper and more Involved:
Taking the Leap: Building a Career as a Visual Artist (The Insider's Guide to Exhibiting and Selling Your Art)
My advice?
Make art. keep making art, make some goals, small and large, point yourself at them and go.
Compare your art to your past art, do you see improvement? Then you are going in the right direction.
Comparing yourself to your friends is like trying to compare oranges and orangutans. Be inspired, sure, but trying to compare disparate styles/efforts/personalities will only make your miserable, and likely distance you from these crazy awesome inspiring people you know. So don't do that!
My personal goal is to have people want my work, in my style. It's not a popular style, but it makes me happy as I make it, and I hope that feeling translates. I get the feeling it'll always be a goal in progress.
The doubt?
Well, we all feel that at times. I'm starting to think that I feel that the most right before I level up. It's the translation of the uncanny valley phenomenon to my own process, ie... somethings's very not right because it's so very close to something amazing.
Of course, I won't see it unless I push through the doubt and fear and just make more art. Maybe it'll be the same for you.
posted by dreamling at 3:01 PM on April 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
I also took art lessons for years and never got anywhere but at some point I wanted to do some nature drawing
just to record stuff. I borrowed a library book on scientific illustration and discovered that a lot of the technique
is learning to trick your eyes. Maybe you have studied this but I was amazed when I used a cutout rectangle held up to frame a sea shell and mark on my page the points at which it met the edges, then drew the negative
spaces. The shell popped right off the page. There were lots of other tricks for doing foliage, bones, etc. and for shading and shadows all with the goal of clarity, not beauty but my drawings were a lot more attractive than anything I had done before. So maybe a book or course on scientific illustration would provide more concrete skills that could transfer to whatever style you pursue.
posted by Botanizer at 3:02 PM on April 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
just to record stuff. I borrowed a library book on scientific illustration and discovered that a lot of the technique
is learning to trick your eyes. Maybe you have studied this but I was amazed when I used a cutout rectangle held up to frame a sea shell and mark on my page the points at which it met the edges, then drew the negative
spaces. The shell popped right off the page. There were lots of other tricks for doing foliage, bones, etc. and for shading and shadows all with the goal of clarity, not beauty but my drawings were a lot more attractive than anything I had done before. So maybe a book or course on scientific illustration would provide more concrete skills that could transfer to whatever style you pursue.
posted by Botanizer at 3:02 PM on April 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
I listened to this podcast last week and think it might be of interest to you, especially if you are good with faces/expressions. You do not necessarily need to be published to be a successful illustrator.
posted by sarajane at 3:03 PM on April 5, 2017
posted by sarajane at 3:03 PM on April 5, 2017
As others are saying - if you're making a decision to give up on your dream based on your own opinion of your work, don't. There are plenty of stories of successful writers who spent years submitting their work for publication and getting rejection letters (if anything). I heard once you have to have a bit of an ego to make it as an artistic type. When you're getting very little external validation for your work, you have to have the ego or drive to keep working anyway.
However all that said I know people who have been making art for years for no money, during their free time, just because it makes them happy. That's not being a loser.
Take some of the good advice in this thread. See what practical steps you could take towards doing some illustration work, try to meet some other illustrators and artists, etc. Writers have groups that meet regularly to read and critique each other's work; artists may have something similar.
posted by bunderful at 4:15 PM on April 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
However all that said I know people who have been making art for years for no money, during their free time, just because it makes them happy. That's not being a loser.
Take some of the good advice in this thread. See what practical steps you could take towards doing some illustration work, try to meet some other illustrators and artists, etc. Writers have groups that meet regularly to read and critique each other's work; artists may have something similar.
posted by bunderful at 4:15 PM on April 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
Hello, fellow always-wanted-to-be-a-professional-illustrator-but-have-resigned-self-to-fact-that-self-is-just-not-good-enough person!
Firstly, I'm amazed that you managed to put in 10,000 hours without any external validation. I think that says volumes about your intrinsic drive.
I'll just nth all the responses that tell you to show your work. Art needs an audience, and there'll always be someone, somewhere who will appreciate your art, no matter how bad you yourself think it is. Trust me on this one. There have been so many times when I look at my art and go, well this sucks. But I put it out there and get pleasantly surprised by the amount of positive response it gets. (Conversely, of course, there are times when I put hours into a piece and get a meh response. You win some, you lose some.)
You say you've done little graphic novels. Have you thought about publishing them? Even if it's self-publishing on a blog or Tumblr? I've found that art with a purpose e.g. storytelling will pick up a following that sticks, and that in turn gives you purpose to create more art.
As for backgrounds, I too am not a background artist, but have worked on a project that was almost entirely interior backgrounds. Memail me if you'd like to discuss this.
posted by satoshi at 5:11 PM on April 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Firstly, I'm amazed that you managed to put in 10,000 hours without any external validation. I think that says volumes about your intrinsic drive.
I'll just nth all the responses that tell you to show your work. Art needs an audience, and there'll always be someone, somewhere who will appreciate your art, no matter how bad you yourself think it is. Trust me on this one. There have been so many times when I look at my art and go, well this sucks. But I put it out there and get pleasantly surprised by the amount of positive response it gets. (Conversely, of course, there are times when I put hours into a piece and get a meh response. You win some, you lose some.)
You say you've done little graphic novels. Have you thought about publishing them? Even if it's self-publishing on a blog or Tumblr? I've found that art with a purpose e.g. storytelling will pick up a following that sticks, and that in turn gives you purpose to create more art.
As for backgrounds, I too am not a background artist, but have worked on a project that was almost entirely interior backgrounds. Memail me if you'd like to discuss this.
posted by satoshi at 5:11 PM on April 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
What to do now? Keep illustrating anyway.
I actually did go to art school, and a lot of what I learned has been mentioned above!
Artistic talent/skill is important to a point. You are beyond that point (I mean really – have you seen the Pete that Cat books? My 2yr old looooooves them. The art is appropriate for the books but he’s not exactly Michelangelo, you know?) I agree with others that there’s something else going on here, very possibly this: I'm always going to be a hobbyist and never proud enough of my stuff to show it to anyone. You have to show your work. Show it and listen – take notes – and then decide what feedback is valuable to you and your goals and ignore the rest. My other guess, like others above, is that you’re not asking for work. You’ve put in 10,000 hours – have you started collecting your 10,000 rejection letters? One of the things I gained in art school was a very thick skin!
If you’ve put in 10,000 hours you do not need to go to art school, and it would unlikely change anything. 90% of art school (especially MFA programs, but applies to undergrad too) is the time, space, and resources to do your hours. It also forces you to show your work.
The other issue I’m picking up here is that “professional illustrator” is not a well-defined goal, especially compared to “published novelist” (name on a book cover = done!) or tenured professor (job title + tenure = done!). What constitutes professional? When you make a living off it? How much money is “a living”? Does it matter to you if it’s commercial work, or textbooks, or children’s books? I really recommend the book Wishcraft by Barbara Sher. There’s even a free PDF of it online (albeit a little dated and a handful of typos). Don’t just read it though – really journal it all out. It’s also one of the only books of this type that deals with how to proceed after perceived “failure”.
Recently there was a link in another thread to this facebook comment by Elizabeth Gilbert (I would also recommend Big Magic – she’s a big supporter of day jobs, which may help you define – or redefine – your goals) differentiating the terms job, hobby, vocation, and career.
It sounds like illustration is your vocation, and you’re sad that it’s not your job?
Take a look at the YouTube channels of Kendyll Hillegas and Holly Exley. I am mentioning them not because I think you should look at their work, but because I think you should look at their online presence: website, blog, YouTube channel, behance, tumblr, Instagram… how much time are they spending doing all the non-art stuff in order to get work? It’s a lot. A lot a lot. Part of it is exposure (showing their work), and part of it is standing up and saying: Look here - I am polite, I honor deadlines, I invoice properly etc… And maybe you want to do all that stuff, or maybe you don't (and that changes things).
I had some serious burn out after art school, and am feeling my way through getting going again. I’d love to see your work, read through Wishcraft, or general pen-pal about these things because I totally sympathise.
Oh, in the meantime maybe take it easy? I really like Sustainably Creative (little and often).
posted by jrobin276 at 7:27 PM on April 5, 2017 [6 favorites]
I actually did go to art school, and a lot of what I learned has been mentioned above!
Artistic talent/skill is important to a point. You are beyond that point (I mean really – have you seen the Pete that Cat books? My 2yr old looooooves them. The art is appropriate for the books but he’s not exactly Michelangelo, you know?) I agree with others that there’s something else going on here, very possibly this: I'm always going to be a hobbyist and never proud enough of my stuff to show it to anyone. You have to show your work. Show it and listen – take notes – and then decide what feedback is valuable to you and your goals and ignore the rest. My other guess, like others above, is that you’re not asking for work. You’ve put in 10,000 hours – have you started collecting your 10,000 rejection letters? One of the things I gained in art school was a very thick skin!
If you’ve put in 10,000 hours you do not need to go to art school, and it would unlikely change anything. 90% of art school (especially MFA programs, but applies to undergrad too) is the time, space, and resources to do your hours. It also forces you to show your work.
The other issue I’m picking up here is that “professional illustrator” is not a well-defined goal, especially compared to “published novelist” (name on a book cover = done!) or tenured professor (job title + tenure = done!). What constitutes professional? When you make a living off it? How much money is “a living”? Does it matter to you if it’s commercial work, or textbooks, or children’s books? I really recommend the book Wishcraft by Barbara Sher. There’s even a free PDF of it online (albeit a little dated and a handful of typos). Don’t just read it though – really journal it all out. It’s also one of the only books of this type that deals with how to proceed after perceived “failure”.
Recently there was a link in another thread to this facebook comment by Elizabeth Gilbert (I would also recommend Big Magic – she’s a big supporter of day jobs, which may help you define – or redefine – your goals) differentiating the terms job, hobby, vocation, and career.
It sounds like illustration is your vocation, and you’re sad that it’s not your job?
Take a look at the YouTube channels of Kendyll Hillegas and Holly Exley. I am mentioning them not because I think you should look at their work, but because I think you should look at their online presence: website, blog, YouTube channel, behance, tumblr, Instagram… how much time are they spending doing all the non-art stuff in order to get work? It’s a lot. A lot a lot. Part of it is exposure (showing their work), and part of it is standing up and saying: Look here - I am polite, I honor deadlines, I invoice properly etc… And maybe you want to do all that stuff, or maybe you don't (and that changes things).
I had some serious burn out after art school, and am feeling my way through getting going again. I’d love to see your work, read through Wishcraft, or general pen-pal about these things because I totally sympathise.
Oh, in the meantime maybe take it easy? I really like Sustainably Creative (little and often).
posted by jrobin276 at 7:27 PM on April 5, 2017 [6 favorites]
Apply for longshots.
All those residences, mentorships, grants, gigs, etc people here are talking about? Pick a few that you think look interesting. Don't worry about whether you're "good enough" or not. A lot of these places just want to see your body of work, and you've already got that.
Hell it'd probably be way more freeing to apply to the stuff that seems really improbable anyway: your chances are lottery-esque, so why not take it easy? Have fun with your apps. Relax.
You'll be surprised at who says yes.
I've been doing this for about 8 years now, starting from when I was a fledgling performance artist with fuck-all background in dance or theatre. Now I have an international body of work and an MFA. I've also done this for other endeavours and the less attached I am to the outcome the more successful I've been. You never know!
At the very least, even if you don't get accepted, you've put yourself out there. You've gotten practice in how to take things from just you to the wider world. Other opportunities may come up. Give it a shot.
posted by divabat at 7:50 PM on April 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
All those residences, mentorships, grants, gigs, etc people here are talking about? Pick a few that you think look interesting. Don't worry about whether you're "good enough" or not. A lot of these places just want to see your body of work, and you've already got that.
Hell it'd probably be way more freeing to apply to the stuff that seems really improbable anyway: your chances are lottery-esque, so why not take it easy? Have fun with your apps. Relax.
You'll be surprised at who says yes.
I've been doing this for about 8 years now, starting from when I was a fledgling performance artist with fuck-all background in dance or theatre. Now I have an international body of work and an MFA. I've also done this for other endeavours and the less attached I am to the outcome the more successful I've been. You never know!
At the very least, even if you don't get accepted, you've put yourself out there. You've gotten practice in how to take things from just you to the wider world. Other opportunities may come up. Give it a shot.
posted by divabat at 7:50 PM on April 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
Did this, or something like it, happen to you? How did you cope?
Yes, something kind of like this happened to me. I sold some work in high school and illustrated a children's book for a self-published local author while I was in graduate school. The irony is that, while family and friends made a big deal out of the commission, I could see every mistake and it just seemed... unprofessional. I wasn't exactly unhappy with it, but I wasn't comfortable with having my work on display like that. Sure it felt great to sell work, and it was a great story to tell, it made me feel good, but honestly - I was happiest while I was painting the illustrations. Just the act of doing it made me happy. And, honestly, my work wasn't great. Do I love it? Yes! Is it great? Well...no. It isn't.
Like you, I drew all the time when I was a child. I wanted to be an artist and also a therapist, and learned about art therapy in high school. I struggled for years to get through school and try to be an art therapist. I put my heart and soul into an art therapy program, did a great job in my program and then I got into the employment market, tried to find a job for years and... it just didn't work out. I came out of the experience deeper in debt than I care to share, and after years of trying to find a job I finally switched careers from my passion to something that I enjoy, but it isn't my passion. I cashed everything in to do it, and failed. Like you, I felt like I'd lost my orientation on my map and I had no compass. I had no goal. I didn't know what to do. It took a while to realize that I needed to re-frame my experience into a story that supported my well-being, instead of chipping away at it.
How do I cope? I re-orient myself. I remind myself that...
Sometimes, when I'm feeling really down about whatever I'm making not being perfect - making sewing mistakes, having to tink over and over, drawing something that isn't quite right, botching a batch of jam - I try to remember what being a "maker" is all about. That's a personal thing, but for me, it's all about that quiet space that comes over me when I am so engrossed in what I'm doing that I lose track of time. It's when my mind gets not just quiet, but deliciously silent. I care about the finished product a lot, but what truly brings me joy is the feeling of being so centered and peaceful.
There can be a real snobbery surrounding what's "real" art; some people believe that crafting, for instance, is so quaint and provincial that it's not really worth talking about. You know what? It brings me joy. It's about making things. So I do it. That's all. Whatever you make, the point is the same - you, the maker, the artist - give it value, and no one else. Being an artist doesn't mean being committed to an outside definition of what success means to other people - it's being committed, first and foremost, to yourself. To honor yourself, as a human being and a maker. That's where art comes from. It comes from your soul, and that has nothing to do with whether you get paid or not.
Rarely do people think about the artist's experience when they think of the words "art" or "artist." Those words are so charged with meaning that they are almost misleading. People think of the finished product. They analyze what it means. They make a judgement about how important it is. Really think about this. When you hear the word "artist" what pops into your mind? Success? Money? A painting in the Louvre? More importantly - what doesn't come to mind? Joy? Peace? Striving? A challenge? A deep settling in your soul? The former has constraints; you need a job/money/a career/a degree/accolades/connections. The latter doesn't. You only need yourself. No one is stopping you from making your art but you.
Art is internally transformative. If it wasn't, if it didn't change you in some way, you wouldn't be so attached to the goal, right? The fallacy is believing that the exchange of money (i.e. "being a professional") in and of itself legitimizes what you do. It doesn't. YOU gave it that value, way back when you started doing it before as a child, before you even thought about money. Sometimes, the problem isn't your work but how you perceive it.
Food for thought:
Spoiler alert - you do : )
posted by onecircleaday at 8:06 PM on April 5, 2017 [9 favorites]
Yes, something kind of like this happened to me. I sold some work in high school and illustrated a children's book for a self-published local author while I was in graduate school. The irony is that, while family and friends made a big deal out of the commission, I could see every mistake and it just seemed... unprofessional. I wasn't exactly unhappy with it, but I wasn't comfortable with having my work on display like that. Sure it felt great to sell work, and it was a great story to tell, it made me feel good, but honestly - I was happiest while I was painting the illustrations. Just the act of doing it made me happy. And, honestly, my work wasn't great. Do I love it? Yes! Is it great? Well...no. It isn't.
Like you, I drew all the time when I was a child. I wanted to be an artist and also a therapist, and learned about art therapy in high school. I struggled for years to get through school and try to be an art therapist. I put my heart and soul into an art therapy program, did a great job in my program and then I got into the employment market, tried to find a job for years and... it just didn't work out. I came out of the experience deeper in debt than I care to share, and after years of trying to find a job I finally switched careers from my passion to something that I enjoy, but it isn't my passion. I cashed everything in to do it, and failed. Like you, I felt like I'd lost my orientation on my map and I had no compass. I had no goal. I didn't know what to do. It took a while to realize that I needed to re-frame my experience into a story that supported my well-being, instead of chipping away at it.
How do I cope? I re-orient myself. I remind myself that...
- I have a right to make things, just for the sake of making them.
- Learning how to make new things feeds my soul.
- I conflated my soul's calling with making a living. I forgive myself. I move on.
- Not making a living doing [X] doesn't invalidate the things I make.
- Making = Mindfulness. No two lines, no two stitches, no two (anything) are the same. Each was created in a different moment, a brand new moment, full of brand new realizations and possibilities.
- To make something is... powerful and kind of a miracle.
Sometimes, when I'm feeling really down about whatever I'm making not being perfect - making sewing mistakes, having to tink over and over, drawing something that isn't quite right, botching a batch of jam - I try to remember what being a "maker" is all about. That's a personal thing, but for me, it's all about that quiet space that comes over me when I am so engrossed in what I'm doing that I lose track of time. It's when my mind gets not just quiet, but deliciously silent. I care about the finished product a lot, but what truly brings me joy is the feeling of being so centered and peaceful.
There can be a real snobbery surrounding what's "real" art; some people believe that crafting, for instance, is so quaint and provincial that it's not really worth talking about. You know what? It brings me joy. It's about making things. So I do it. That's all. Whatever you make, the point is the same - you, the maker, the artist - give it value, and no one else. Being an artist doesn't mean being committed to an outside definition of what success means to other people - it's being committed, first and foremost, to yourself. To honor yourself, as a human being and a maker. That's where art comes from. It comes from your soul, and that has nothing to do with whether you get paid or not.
Rarely do people think about the artist's experience when they think of the words "art" or "artist." Those words are so charged with meaning that they are almost misleading. People think of the finished product. They analyze what it means. They make a judgement about how important it is. Really think about this. When you hear the word "artist" what pops into your mind? Success? Money? A painting in the Louvre? More importantly - what doesn't come to mind? Joy? Peace? Striving? A challenge? A deep settling in your soul? The former has constraints; you need a job/money/a career/a degree/accolades/connections. The latter doesn't. You only need yourself. No one is stopping you from making your art but you.
Art is internally transformative. If it wasn't, if it didn't change you in some way, you wouldn't be so attached to the goal, right? The fallacy is believing that the exchange of money (i.e. "being a professional") in and of itself legitimizes what you do. It doesn't. YOU gave it that value, way back when you started doing it before as a child, before you even thought about money. Sometimes, the problem isn't your work but how you perceive it.
Food for thought:
- What if you could convince yourself that the value of your artmaking was intrinsic?
- What would it take to turn your perception of your work around?
- Can you reframe your commitment to your goal, as a commitment to the work? To the art? To yourself?
Spoiler alert - you do : )
posted by onecircleaday at 8:06 PM on April 5, 2017 [9 favorites]
I have a couple of suggestions/resources.
It sounds like there are a few angles going on for you: 1) your internal perception that your creative work needs to look a very specific way and meet very specific criteria to be "successful". 2) You are working completely in isolation, with no feedback or audience to help you evolve and develop either your skills or your personal style. 3) It sounds like you are struggling with less-than-helpful childhood messages about what will make you worthy.
For angle 1: There was a comment thread over on Ask A Manager yesterday about interrogating the idea that your paying job has to be your "passion" that I think touches on a lot of relevant issues. http://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/i-get-bored-with-all-my-jobs-after-six-months.html. Also many good resources in this thread.
For angle 2: Are you a fan of any books/movies/TV shows/historical personages in particular? If so, I highly encourage you to consider trying fan art.
Why fan art, you ask? several reasons.
1) There is a thriving audience of other fans who are thirsty for art of their favorite characters. This is a friendly and accepting audience to show your work to.
2) Fan art tends to be character-focused, not setting-focused, so it plays to your strengths.
3) It gives you the opportunity to connect with other artists and learn from each other.
4) Many fan artists manage to get some amount of income through commissions and/or Patreon. I personally subscribe to one fan artist Patreon and have paid at least three artists to create illustrations of my own fan fiction. It's not likely to replace a day job, but if you need the confidence boost of getting paid to create something, that's an avenue for you.
I am not a visual artist, but I'm a lifelong creative writer who spent a lot of my time in earlier years wanting to be a published novelist. I'm also an enthusiastic fan. I got into writing fan fiction in the nineties, and honestly it has given me a tremendous amount of pleasure and creative fulfillment, has connected me with amazing people who help me continue to improve my work, and has given me a built-in, responsive audience. For me, keeping my art as a hobby has the advantage of keeping it FUN, something I do to feed my own creative side, and if I struggle with it for a while, I can work through that without having to worry that I'm not going to be able to pay my bills because of it.
For angle 3: the MeFi classic. Have you considered talking to a therapist about this issue? It sounds like these childhood messages are getting in the way of your being able to find joy in creative expression, and that is a pity. Sometimes a form of expression, hobby, or task that we love can get wrapped up in other painful issues, and working through those issues with a therapist can help us get back parts of our lives that we miss.
I wish you the best and hope this thread is helpful!
posted by oblique red at 8:17 AM on April 6, 2017 [2 favorites]
It sounds like there are a few angles going on for you: 1) your internal perception that your creative work needs to look a very specific way and meet very specific criteria to be "successful". 2) You are working completely in isolation, with no feedback or audience to help you evolve and develop either your skills or your personal style. 3) It sounds like you are struggling with less-than-helpful childhood messages about what will make you worthy.
For angle 1: There was a comment thread over on Ask A Manager yesterday about interrogating the idea that your paying job has to be your "passion" that I think touches on a lot of relevant issues. http://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/i-get-bored-with-all-my-jobs-after-six-months.html. Also many good resources in this thread.
For angle 2: Are you a fan of any books/movies/TV shows/historical personages in particular? If so, I highly encourage you to consider trying fan art.
Why fan art, you ask? several reasons.
1) There is a thriving audience of other fans who are thirsty for art of their favorite characters. This is a friendly and accepting audience to show your work to.
2) Fan art tends to be character-focused, not setting-focused, so it plays to your strengths.
3) It gives you the opportunity to connect with other artists and learn from each other.
4) Many fan artists manage to get some amount of income through commissions and/or Patreon. I personally subscribe to one fan artist Patreon and have paid at least three artists to create illustrations of my own fan fiction. It's not likely to replace a day job, but if you need the confidence boost of getting paid to create something, that's an avenue for you.
I am not a visual artist, but I'm a lifelong creative writer who spent a lot of my time in earlier years wanting to be a published novelist. I'm also an enthusiastic fan. I got into writing fan fiction in the nineties, and honestly it has given me a tremendous amount of pleasure and creative fulfillment, has connected me with amazing people who help me continue to improve my work, and has given me a built-in, responsive audience. For me, keeping my art as a hobby has the advantage of keeping it FUN, something I do to feed my own creative side, and if I struggle with it for a while, I can work through that without having to worry that I'm not going to be able to pay my bills because of it.
For angle 3: the MeFi classic. Have you considered talking to a therapist about this issue? It sounds like these childhood messages are getting in the way of your being able to find joy in creative expression, and that is a pity. Sometimes a form of expression, hobby, or task that we love can get wrapped up in other painful issues, and working through those issues with a therapist can help us get back parts of our lives that we miss.
I wish you the best and hope this thread is helpful!
posted by oblique red at 8:17 AM on April 6, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'm always painfully aware of my lack of skill. Yet, it's my only skill! When I'm making ok money at a day job (always something kind of arts related but boring as all hell -- take my word for it) the crushing reality that I'm not living the Edward Gorey/Charles Addams career I dreamed of as a child bothers me less. When I'm out of work and shaking my portfolio around town trying to get a job, I feel like I'm going to cry until I drown in my own tears. Once I gave up. For two years. I felt like dying. Then I started drawing again and now I'm making the best art I've ever done my whole life. Doesn't mean it's good, but wow -- I found myself all of a sudden like.
You should meet some other artists. You should meet some editors and publishers, too. I don't know where you live but MOCCA just passed here in NYC and that's a lovely comics arts show put on by the Society of Illustrators. There are others, all over the place. Also: local arts organizations where you can meet other artists who are probably as miserable as you except for the crazy assholes who think everything they do is wonderful (avoid them).
There is garbage art that is successful. There is incredible art that is not. If you are concerned about your skills in certain areas, there are always ways to learn that will actually work for you. Art skills are not algebra. Your brain needs to learn to translate a background into a 2d page some other way than what you're doing possibly. I hate academic drawing. I think I'm bad at it. But I've made an effort to learn how it works, and if I need it it's there. You aren't going to like doing certain art things. Studio/atelier classes are great! They are non-judgmental, cheap, and mainly consist of doing the same thing over and over until you want to hit your sketchbook with a stick. You can do that stuff on your own, too, if you are self motivated enough.
Mainly, quit judging your output and let some other people see it. You can message me if you want. I love to talk about art supplies, technique, horrible people, being terrified.... Good luck!
posted by palindromeisnotapalindrome at 9:39 AM on April 6, 2017
You should meet some other artists. You should meet some editors and publishers, too. I don't know where you live but MOCCA just passed here in NYC and that's a lovely comics arts show put on by the Society of Illustrators. There are others, all over the place. Also: local arts organizations where you can meet other artists who are probably as miserable as you except for the crazy assholes who think everything they do is wonderful (avoid them).
There is garbage art that is successful. There is incredible art that is not. If you are concerned about your skills in certain areas, there are always ways to learn that will actually work for you. Art skills are not algebra. Your brain needs to learn to translate a background into a 2d page some other way than what you're doing possibly. I hate academic drawing. I think I'm bad at it. But I've made an effort to learn how it works, and if I need it it's there. You aren't going to like doing certain art things. Studio/atelier classes are great! They are non-judgmental, cheap, and mainly consist of doing the same thing over and over until you want to hit your sketchbook with a stick. You can do that stuff on your own, too, if you are self motivated enough.
Mainly, quit judging your output and let some other people see it. You can message me if you want. I love to talk about art supplies, technique, horrible people, being terrified.... Good luck!
posted by palindromeisnotapalindrome at 9:39 AM on April 6, 2017
and never proud enough of my stuff to show it to anyone
I guess I fall into the "hobbyist illustrator but don't ask for a complex background" category after a few years of increasing effort (not as much as you though). I still have a lot of fun with it, and a lot of the fun is posting some of them to my social media accounts and having friends/family/random people comment on it. It is good feedback and often surprising which drawings get a lot of "likes" and it is interesting (and valuable information) to talk with someone about why they liked a particular drawing.
As a side effect, I've started following more professional artists (some well-known, some just making a living) on Twitter and it is illuminating to see all the different styles. It is inspirational (and yes, often humbling) to see so much diversity and art everyday. I also had no idea of the level of specialization. For example, you mention not having an eye for color, but there are people who dedicate their career to working with color and they are amazing!
It also gave me the realization that some of my drawings were well-suited to a very specific medium: fun stickers for chat programs. So with a little effort I started selling them in the iOS Messenger app store (in Projects if you want to see). So now I am even making some (very little) money, but more importantly it shows me that others like what I draw sometimes. In turn this gave me confidence to submit some designs in a few other places. None of them have panned out as of yet, but overall I feel like I'm in a place where I can find places where my drawings "fit" even while I have much to learn and style to develop.
But none of that would have happened if I hadn't started showing my drawings outside my immediate family.
Try watching this talk by Christoph Niemann: How to Overcome the 3 Fears Every Creative Faces.
posted by mikepop at 8:22 AM on April 7, 2017 [4 favorites]
I guess I fall into the "hobbyist illustrator but don't ask for a complex background" category after a few years of increasing effort (not as much as you though). I still have a lot of fun with it, and a lot of the fun is posting some of them to my social media accounts and having friends/family/random people comment on it. It is good feedback and often surprising which drawings get a lot of "likes" and it is interesting (and valuable information) to talk with someone about why they liked a particular drawing.
As a side effect, I've started following more professional artists (some well-known, some just making a living) on Twitter and it is illuminating to see all the different styles. It is inspirational (and yes, often humbling) to see so much diversity and art everyday. I also had no idea of the level of specialization. For example, you mention not having an eye for color, but there are people who dedicate their career to working with color and they are amazing!
It also gave me the realization that some of my drawings were well-suited to a very specific medium: fun stickers for chat programs. So with a little effort I started selling them in the iOS Messenger app store (in Projects if you want to see). So now I am even making some (very little) money, but more importantly it shows me that others like what I draw sometimes. In turn this gave me confidence to submit some designs in a few other places. None of them have panned out as of yet, but overall I feel like I'm in a place where I can find places where my drawings "fit" even while I have much to learn and style to develop.
But none of that would have happened if I hadn't started showing my drawings outside my immediate family.
Try watching this talk by Christoph Niemann: How to Overcome the 3 Fears Every Creative Faces.
In this 99U talk, illustrator Christoph Niemann shares his three biggest fears: the fear of not being good enough, the fear that our work will be irrelevant, and the fear of running out of ideas. Each of these cripple our process in different ways, but as Niemann explains (complete with hilarious illustrations), there are solutions we can apply to each.I was lucky enough to see this talk in person, and revisit it often.
posted by mikepop at 8:22 AM on April 7, 2017 [4 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
Therapy.
Love yourself. You are who you are, not what you can do.
posted by Alterscape at 12:24 PM on April 5, 2017 [17 favorites]