Help Me Help You
March 23, 2017 7:19 AM Subscribe
I've got an employee on my team (technical executive... VP level) that is very easily rattled when challenged. I'll call him Davis. Davis is extremely talented, technically capable and delivers more software solutions of higher quality than anyone on my executive team. Unfortunately, he has an unpredictable temperament (things 'get to him' easily). I want to invest in him to get him over his gap in soft skills but I'm struggling to get through to him. Examples inside for the hive mind.
To be fair, Davis has a hard job. He's building software for the company that takes our business in directions that others aren't familiar with. He works in an organization and has customers that don't understand software development or how technology works. He deals, daily, with basic issues like his customers not understanding that solutions don't materialize over night. He is inundated with last minute, high profile requests that he fulfills by doing unnatural acts and working his people to do whatever it takes. He is stressed out and he works probably 75-80 hours a week (I've tried to tell him to work fewer hours or to hire more people but it's just who he is). For what it's worth, he's my most capable direct report and is in no risk of losing his position.
Example #1:
Just tonight I received an email (just to me) from one of our customers (Brian) escalating that a request he had made into Davis's team had gone unresponded to and now Brian was left without the required information for a major presentation tomorrow to executive management. After some fact-checking, I concluded that Brian was way off base (his idea of 'submitting a request' to the team was a hallway mention to someone 3 levels deep in the organization over a month ago with no follow up since then). Of course I had to speak with Davis about this matter to determine what was really going which lead to his outrage against Brian. Davis requested that I let him give Brian 'a piece of his mind' to 'put him in his place'. Davis is certain that Brian is going to tell executive management that the reason he doesn't have his project complete is because Davis didn't do his job. The truth is that Brian has a history of asking others to do work for him and Davis is on to this tactic. Davis is now convinced that Brian is out to get him.
I want Davis to learn to let this kind of thing roll off his back and rise above with confidence. Brian is one person and he has a skewed version of the facts. It's our job to correct those facts and then to move (quickly) into how we can help Brian get what he needs. It's inconceivable to Davis to send an email to Brian saying things like "Gosh, Brian, we must have missed the formal request email - but thanks for reaching out - we're here to help" or "I'm sure something went wrong here on our side - how can we get this back on track?". I have to step in in these situations and handle the communications because Davis is so livid that I'm worried he'll send something out that is confrontational or argumentative. Davis is right - Brian is being a horrible partner and customer - but I want Davis to be confident enough to not care that he's right and focus on solutions.
Example #2:
Davis is completely overworked and his team is overtaxed with critical business functions. One of the services he provides is an internal service to a partner team that wasn't previously capable of doing a certain function years ago when Davis's team picked up the work. Since then, the partner team has matured and they're capable of doing the work themselves now. Last week, the partner team requested (rudely) that Davis hand over all their code and let them take over the function without really any discussion or respect for how Davis has been supporting them for years. The guys on the partner team were complete jerks (refused discussions at Davis's level (escalated to me)) and were extremely dismissive in their presentation of the transition.
Davis was extremely upset by this entire situation. He told me that he suspected that the leaders of the partner team were 'threatening his livelihood' and refused to hand over the code which created an impasse. Although I was offended by the situation that was created by the partner team and their unprofessional approach, I was disappointed that Davis wasn't able to diffuse the situation by rising above and seeing the bright side of things. I want Davis to be less concerned with holding the partner team accountable for their bad behavior and more interested in how we can be a good partner, shed a set of tasks that someone else wants and reduce our workload. It's my belief that jerks will be jerks but anyone that there's hope for will come around when they see that your main focus is to help them out.
Questions:
1) It's occurred to me that I may not be doing enough to insulate Davis from these situations or to defend him (publicly? call Brian's boss?) when other teams go crazy. My style is to accept that there's a certain amount of bullshit that comes from dealing with people who don't understand my world and that it's my job to just move past that, be fact-based, and be as helpful as possible. I've always believed that our power as leaders comes from eliminating emotion during confrontational times and to stay solutions focused. Maybe I'm wrong.
2) When I talk to Davis about these situations, he tries to convince me to be as outraged as he is (which is impossible because I just don't get outraged at work). After a period of time, he acknowledges that he needs to suppress his initial reactions about these situations which I've observed him doing successfully. The problem is that I won't truly feel successful with Davis until I know he is changing the way he thinks in addition to basic self control. If Davis could figure out how to avoid elevating his cortisol levels by really not giving a shit about Brian's inaccurate view of the facts, then I think he'd be a much happier employee and a better leader.
How can I help Davis reach his potential?
To be fair, Davis has a hard job. He's building software for the company that takes our business in directions that others aren't familiar with. He works in an organization and has customers that don't understand software development or how technology works. He deals, daily, with basic issues like his customers not understanding that solutions don't materialize over night. He is inundated with last minute, high profile requests that he fulfills by doing unnatural acts and working his people to do whatever it takes. He is stressed out and he works probably 75-80 hours a week (I've tried to tell him to work fewer hours or to hire more people but it's just who he is). For what it's worth, he's my most capable direct report and is in no risk of losing his position.
Example #1:
Just tonight I received an email (just to me) from one of our customers (Brian) escalating that a request he had made into Davis's team had gone unresponded to and now Brian was left without the required information for a major presentation tomorrow to executive management. After some fact-checking, I concluded that Brian was way off base (his idea of 'submitting a request' to the team was a hallway mention to someone 3 levels deep in the organization over a month ago with no follow up since then). Of course I had to speak with Davis about this matter to determine what was really going which lead to his outrage against Brian. Davis requested that I let him give Brian 'a piece of his mind' to 'put him in his place'. Davis is certain that Brian is going to tell executive management that the reason he doesn't have his project complete is because Davis didn't do his job. The truth is that Brian has a history of asking others to do work for him and Davis is on to this tactic. Davis is now convinced that Brian is out to get him.
I want Davis to learn to let this kind of thing roll off his back and rise above with confidence. Brian is one person and he has a skewed version of the facts. It's our job to correct those facts and then to move (quickly) into how we can help Brian get what he needs. It's inconceivable to Davis to send an email to Brian saying things like "Gosh, Brian, we must have missed the formal request email - but thanks for reaching out - we're here to help" or "I'm sure something went wrong here on our side - how can we get this back on track?". I have to step in in these situations and handle the communications because Davis is so livid that I'm worried he'll send something out that is confrontational or argumentative. Davis is right - Brian is being a horrible partner and customer - but I want Davis to be confident enough to not care that he's right and focus on solutions.
Example #2:
Davis is completely overworked and his team is overtaxed with critical business functions. One of the services he provides is an internal service to a partner team that wasn't previously capable of doing a certain function years ago when Davis's team picked up the work. Since then, the partner team has matured and they're capable of doing the work themselves now. Last week, the partner team requested (rudely) that Davis hand over all their code and let them take over the function without really any discussion or respect for how Davis has been supporting them for years. The guys on the partner team were complete jerks (refused discussions at Davis's level (escalated to me)) and were extremely dismissive in their presentation of the transition.
Davis was extremely upset by this entire situation. He told me that he suspected that the leaders of the partner team were 'threatening his livelihood' and refused to hand over the code which created an impasse. Although I was offended by the situation that was created by the partner team and their unprofessional approach, I was disappointed that Davis wasn't able to diffuse the situation by rising above and seeing the bright side of things. I want Davis to be less concerned with holding the partner team accountable for their bad behavior and more interested in how we can be a good partner, shed a set of tasks that someone else wants and reduce our workload. It's my belief that jerks will be jerks but anyone that there's hope for will come around when they see that your main focus is to help them out.
Questions:
1) It's occurred to me that I may not be doing enough to insulate Davis from these situations or to defend him (publicly? call Brian's boss?) when other teams go crazy. My style is to accept that there's a certain amount of bullshit that comes from dealing with people who don't understand my world and that it's my job to just move past that, be fact-based, and be as helpful as possible. I've always believed that our power as leaders comes from eliminating emotion during confrontational times and to stay solutions focused. Maybe I'm wrong.
2) When I talk to Davis about these situations, he tries to convince me to be as outraged as he is (which is impossible because I just don't get outraged at work). After a period of time, he acknowledges that he needs to suppress his initial reactions about these situations which I've observed him doing successfully. The problem is that I won't truly feel successful with Davis until I know he is changing the way he thinks in addition to basic self control. If Davis could figure out how to avoid elevating his cortisol levels by really not giving a shit about Brian's inaccurate view of the facts, then I think he'd be a much happier employee and a better leader.
How can I help Davis reach his potential?
This is a great question for the Engineering Managers Slack team.
posted by caek at 7:29 AM on March 23, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by caek at 7:29 AM on March 23, 2017 [3 favorites]
OOOOhohooo, we had a "Davis." Ours created software that we were stuck using forever because he had gargantuan frontend investment from the deans to fund it and then (gambler's fallacy) they were never open to replacing it with anything off-the-shelf. We're stuck with elements of the once-revolutionary, now antiquated crap to this day because of this, though our Davis and the deans who supported him have long since retired. The thing is, our Davis, after he invented our crappy system, he went on to do other, more interesting stuff that suited him and helped other sectors. But he was still saddled with our endless problems with the software and he kept having to drag ass back to the boring drawing board to cobble together patches. Nobody could let it go because of the initial investment. But that's not how it WOOOOOOOOOOOORKS, we would howl, to no avail...
Anytime any chunk of his constituents gets self-sufficient and no longer relies on Davis, for the love of God, why not allow them to go their own way? That takes pressure off Davis and his team. Who cares that they were rude about it, it's great, it frees him and his team to do useful things. Their desertion doesn't endanger him, it makes him safer because it gives him more time to be useful.
Davis does not need to be involved with any of these people. You do all the people stuff and keep him and his paranoia out of it. And get him more help! Hire people!
posted by Don Pepino at 7:37 AM on March 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
Anytime any chunk of his constituents gets self-sufficient and no longer relies on Davis, for the love of God, why not allow them to go their own way? That takes pressure off Davis and his team. Who cares that they were rude about it, it's great, it frees him and his team to do useful things. Their desertion doesn't endanger him, it makes him safer because it gives him more time to be useful.
Davis does not need to be involved with any of these people. You do all the people stuff and keep him and his paranoia out of it. And get him more help! Hire people!
posted by Don Pepino at 7:37 AM on March 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
From the outside, it reads to me like you're not backing Davis up. This may just be my lucky work experience, but when I've been in a situation like Brian's, where I was blamed for not doing something that was not requested of me, my boss went to bat for me and clearly, though politely, let the person know that if a request is not submitted (through normal channels or otherwise) we can't do the work.
You're talking about saying "yep, we [and by we I mean Davis] screwed up, how can we fix it" when you didn't screw up, and when Brian is very clearly blaming Davis. If I were Davis, I would view this as my boss throwing me under the bus - being willing to let everyone believe that I'd made a mistake in order to keep the peace.
I'd also see it as setting me up for more ridiculousness from Brian. Brian does not now know that he needs to use normal channels - he thinks that making a passing verbal request to a random team member should get him what he needs, and that it's Davis's fault if it doesn't.
If your reports are being blamed for "mistakes" that are actually failures by other people, I feel like you need to [gently] articulate that. I think you also need to articulate to Brian that there is a formal request process that exists to make sure that requests like his get completed.
I also wonder whether there's anything you can do by strategizing with Davis to help trend down some of his workload. Do you have the authority to tell him that the current arrangement isn't working and that you need, together, to come up with a hiring plan?
posted by Frowner at 7:47 AM on March 23, 2017 [103 favorites]
You're talking about saying "yep, we [and by we I mean Davis] screwed up, how can we fix it" when you didn't screw up, and when Brian is very clearly blaming Davis. If I were Davis, I would view this as my boss throwing me under the bus - being willing to let everyone believe that I'd made a mistake in order to keep the peace.
I'd also see it as setting me up for more ridiculousness from Brian. Brian does not now know that he needs to use normal channels - he thinks that making a passing verbal request to a random team member should get him what he needs, and that it's Davis's fault if it doesn't.
If your reports are being blamed for "mistakes" that are actually failures by other people, I feel like you need to [gently] articulate that. I think you also need to articulate to Brian that there is a formal request process that exists to make sure that requests like his get completed.
I also wonder whether there's anything you can do by strategizing with Davis to help trend down some of his workload. Do you have the authority to tell him that the current arrangement isn't working and that you need, together, to come up with a hiring plan?
posted by Frowner at 7:47 AM on March 23, 2017 [103 favorites]
I don't manage at the level you do, nor am I in a corporate setting (small non-profit), but my philosophy as a manager has always been to protect my staff as much as possible from interdepartmental jockeying for power, egotism, rudeness, and general bull-crap that keeps them from focusing on 1) the quality of the work they are responsible for, 2) the value my superiors and I place on their high-quality work, and 3) their own team/department. As my boss always says, as a manager it's my job to hire talented & hard-working people, figure out what's blocking them from doing their best work, and remove those blockages. And that will vary person to person - it could be that unwarranted negative feedback is Davis' blockage, or what he perceives as an undervaluing of his contributions. For someone else it might be a lack of resources (staff, funding, or technology). As a VP, he may need to "buck up" more than I'm expecting of my staff, but I do think that at every level protecting one's staff from things that distract from and hamper their work is part of managing them. Hope this helps.
posted by pammeke at 7:49 AM on March 23, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by pammeke at 7:49 AM on March 23, 2017 [6 favorites]
I completely agree with Frowner. You should have backed up Davis and said to Brian: "I'm sorry but we can't meet your deadline because you did not go through proper channels. We will get this to you as soon as possible but next time you need to follow [spell out process]."
I had a manager do this and it was incredible for morale. "Brian" was temporarily pissed at my manager, not me or my team, but By God he followed the process next time, and we were motivated to meet that deadline. My respect for my manager increased and I was able to relax because I knew he unequivocally had my back.
posted by AFABulous at 7:55 AM on March 23, 2017 [59 favorites]
I had a manager do this and it was incredible for morale. "Brian" was temporarily pissed at my manager, not me or my team, but By God he followed the process next time, and we were motivated to meet that deadline. My respect for my manager increased and I was able to relax because I knew he unequivocally had my back.
posted by AFABulous at 7:55 AM on March 23, 2017 [59 favorites]
"...setting me up for more ridiculousness from Brian."
Yes, exactly. "Well, Brian, did you fill out the work-order form and submit it to Davis according to the stated policy? No? Then why are we having this conversation? Of what interest is it to me or anyone that you ran into Wally in the hall and yammered something? No, I will not 'talk to Davis' about this. Fill out the work-order form."
posted by Don Pepino at 7:56 AM on March 23, 2017 [40 favorites]
Yes, exactly. "Well, Brian, did you fill out the work-order form and submit it to Davis according to the stated policy? No? Then why are we having this conversation? Of what interest is it to me or anyone that you ran into Wally in the hall and yammered something? No, I will not 'talk to Davis' about this. Fill out the work-order form."
posted by Don Pepino at 7:56 AM on March 23, 2017 [40 favorites]
I can't link you because I'm at work, but google "shit umbrella" - the idea being that a manager is required to act as an umbrella against any shit that comes from senior echelons of the organisation. Like Frowner, I do feel like it would be appropriate for you in these situations to (1) handle the communication with the client instead of Davis and (2) when it's clearly not the fault of Davis or his department, make that as clear as possible. It's likely that when Davis realises you fully support him, he may also be less panicked when he receives negative feedback from clients etc.
posted by Ziggy500 at 7:57 AM on March 23, 2017 [14 favorites]
posted by Ziggy500 at 7:57 AM on March 23, 2017 [14 favorites]
For the second situation, does Davis agree that he and his team have too much work? It doesn't seem like it if he is 1) jealously guarding some code/process like that and 2) if he refuses to hire more people. If he does agree when the two of you talk about it, explore some of his objections to the solutions you and others have proposed. If he doesn't have good reasons not to hire more people, require him to do so. He may feel that he doesn't have time right now, but remind him that a small investment or time today will reap bigger rewards down the line.
posted by soelo at 8:03 AM on March 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by soelo at 8:03 AM on March 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
I'm a Davis at my work. I'm a "technical VP" and I report directly to a C-level. I also deal with hard technical problems that clients don't understand, and the occasional internal bullshit.
Similar to Davis, my emotions tend to run hot...but there is a pattern to it. When I recognized the pattern, my boss and I were able to work out some small changes to offset that. The job is still really really tough, and there are still some days that I want to burn the world, but I have ways to handle that now.
Here are some things that help this:
1. I know and trust, 100% that my boss has my back, and I am in no danger of losing my job, even if I made a big mistake.
2. I had to recognize that there is a physical limit to what I can achieve each day. I force myself to go home most days. So does my boss. We both openly admitted to each other that we only have so much "mana" in a day and if we try to use more than we have we will end up regretting it. ALWAYS.
3. All inner office politics have slowly but surely been removed or abstracted away from me. I know I am 100% free to call any of my colleagues on their bullshit, and vice versa. This wouldn't be possible without support from the C-levels across ALL teams.
I have more thoughts on this and will post some more details in a bit.
posted by Doleful Creature at 8:04 AM on March 23, 2017 [16 favorites]
Similar to Davis, my emotions tend to run hot...but there is a pattern to it. When I recognized the pattern, my boss and I were able to work out some small changes to offset that. The job is still really really tough, and there are still some days that I want to burn the world, but I have ways to handle that now.
Here are some things that help this:
1. I know and trust, 100% that my boss has my back, and I am in no danger of losing my job, even if I made a big mistake.
2. I had to recognize that there is a physical limit to what I can achieve each day. I force myself to go home most days. So does my boss. We both openly admitted to each other that we only have so much "mana" in a day and if we try to use more than we have we will end up regretting it. ALWAYS.
3. All inner office politics have slowly but surely been removed or abstracted away from me. I know I am 100% free to call any of my colleagues on their bullshit, and vice versa. This wouldn't be possible without support from the C-levels across ALL teams.
I have more thoughts on this and will post some more details in a bit.
posted by Doleful Creature at 8:04 AM on March 23, 2017 [16 favorites]
Agreed, Davis is anxious, and he has issues that he could work on. But if you really want to help him perform effectively, one of the best things you can do is take away some anxiety causes, not convince him that these triggers shouldn't make him anxious or forbid him from expressing his anxiety.
It's okay if you use polite words with clients to try to keep everybody happy, but blaming Davis when it's not his fault isn't fair (and apparently his one of his anxiety buttons); if you insist on using the polite fictions, do that in comunications between you and hte client, don't cc Davis so he sees you implying he messed up, and of course don't require him to send an apologetic email. (also keep in mind, "we must have missed your request" as doublespeak for "you didn't submit a request" is a language that not everybody speaks, and you might not actually be communicating the rebuke you think you are. Brian might, but it sounds like Davis isn't getting it, so maybe you should explicitly say to Davis, "I know he didn't submit a request, this is just the way these things are handled because we're not allowed to call Brian an asshole to his face".
Telling Davis you know he's doing a great job, and reminding him that you're on his side in this, might go a long way. Once you've gotten in the habit of that, and feel that the relationship is strong and Davis knows you've got his back, *then* you can start to address how maybe he doesn't have to get upset every time someone questions him, because he can know that you'll handle it in his best interest. Maybe you can add that when he panics, it makes you feel like you're letting him down. Maybe you can explain that dealing with the clients is your job, and he can bring these problems to you before he gets upset. But before any of that can happen he needs to trust that you're on his side.
posted by aimedwander at 8:13 AM on March 23, 2017 [11 favorites]
It's okay if you use polite words with clients to try to keep everybody happy, but blaming Davis when it's not his fault isn't fair (and apparently his one of his anxiety buttons); if you insist on using the polite fictions, do that in comunications between you and hte client, don't cc Davis so he sees you implying he messed up, and of course don't require him to send an apologetic email. (also keep in mind, "we must have missed your request" as doublespeak for "you didn't submit a request" is a language that not everybody speaks, and you might not actually be communicating the rebuke you think you are. Brian might, but it sounds like Davis isn't getting it, so maybe you should explicitly say to Davis, "I know he didn't submit a request, this is just the way these things are handled because we're not allowed to call Brian an asshole to his face".
Telling Davis you know he's doing a great job, and reminding him that you're on his side in this, might go a long way. Once you've gotten in the habit of that, and feel that the relationship is strong and Davis knows you've got his back, *then* you can start to address how maybe he doesn't have to get upset every time someone questions him, because he can know that you'll handle it in his best interest. Maybe you can add that when he panics, it makes you feel like you're letting him down. Maybe you can explain that dealing with the clients is your job, and he can bring these problems to you before he gets upset. But before any of that can happen he needs to trust that you're on his side.
posted by aimedwander at 8:13 AM on March 23, 2017 [11 favorites]
Ask A Manager has covered topics along the lines of "I've got an employee who is a great performer but they also have [behavioural/interpersonal challenges], what do I do" (this one springs to mind) and her advice is usually that you have a lot more agency as a manger about what's in scope in terms of someone's performance and what behaviours/adjustments you want to see from them than you might think you do.
If Davis is great but also has some issues (as it sounds like is the case), you're well within your rights as a manager to treat stuff like working really long hours and refusing to hire help as performance issues. It's your job to care about his entire performance (including negative/unhelpful behavioural stuff), rather than to leave him with carte blanche to do it his way as long as the results keep being great. You can work on this through (gentle, collaborative) expectation-setting and performance management.
For what it's worth, I agree with the broad thrust of the comments about the way the Brian situation was handled - I'd be furious and demoralised if I was expected to take responsibility for someone else's process error like that. But there's a line between "let Davis do everything Davis' way because Davis expects to" and "still get good results out of Davis as an employee while also setting expectations around workload, appropriate responses to workplace stress [asking to "put someone in their place" is not really one of those] and the overall shape of the team". And, since you're the manager, you do have agency to insist on changes in those areas for the overall sustainability of the team and benefit of the company (it's possible to do this without being heavy-handed or alienating).
posted by terretu at 8:18 AM on March 23, 2017 [6 favorites]
If Davis is great but also has some issues (as it sounds like is the case), you're well within your rights as a manager to treat stuff like working really long hours and refusing to hire help as performance issues. It's your job to care about his entire performance (including negative/unhelpful behavioural stuff), rather than to leave him with carte blanche to do it his way as long as the results keep being great. You can work on this through (gentle, collaborative) expectation-setting and performance management.
For what it's worth, I agree with the broad thrust of the comments about the way the Brian situation was handled - I'd be furious and demoralised if I was expected to take responsibility for someone else's process error like that. But there's a line between "let Davis do everything Davis' way because Davis expects to" and "still get good results out of Davis as an employee while also setting expectations around workload, appropriate responses to workplace stress [asking to "put someone in their place" is not really one of those] and the overall shape of the team". And, since you're the manager, you do have agency to insist on changes in those areas for the overall sustainability of the team and benefit of the company (it's possible to do this without being heavy-handed or alienating).
posted by terretu at 8:18 AM on March 23, 2017 [6 favorites]
It sounds like he feels insecure about his job. Can you do something to address that? Maybe give him a small raise and explain it's because you know he's stressed and you really, really want him to be with the company for a long time?
posted by amtho at 8:25 AM on March 23, 2017
posted by amtho at 8:25 AM on March 23, 2017
Feeling unprotected from Corporate types' ego games is my #1 manager complaint. Most other stress-inducers, I can handle and inure myself against. But if Joe C-Suite chooses to be an asshole, just because he can, I can't mitigate that. THAT is my manager's job.
The more a company enables letting people run rampant over tech processes (when there are never any consequences for ignoring them), the more the workers who rely on those processes will be anxious, angry, insecure and unhappy.
Most C-types will never understand why processes exist for tech folks. They often just don't care. They choose to frame them as obstacles and annoyances. But this is exactly why processes exist. They gather requirements and other information to allow work to be prioritized, resources allocated, etc. etc. and they are the key to allowing a corporate strategy to unfold. Tech work should be a reflection of an overall, top-down plan- not the hottest fire of the day, as determined by the biggest jerk that walks the halls.
If you can't change the entire culture, you CAN change your part of it. If you do nothing else, choose to hold people's feet to the fire and make them follow the processes that support your team. In time, the value of this stance will pay off. You may have to take more heat than you like, but hey- that's why managers make the big bucks.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 9:07 AM on March 23, 2017 [15 favorites]
The more a company enables letting people run rampant over tech processes (when there are never any consequences for ignoring them), the more the workers who rely on those processes will be anxious, angry, insecure and unhappy.
Most C-types will never understand why processes exist for tech folks. They often just don't care. They choose to frame them as obstacles and annoyances. But this is exactly why processes exist. They gather requirements and other information to allow work to be prioritized, resources allocated, etc. etc. and they are the key to allowing a corporate strategy to unfold. Tech work should be a reflection of an overall, top-down plan- not the hottest fire of the day, as determined by the biggest jerk that walks the halls.
If you can't change the entire culture, you CAN change your part of it. If you do nothing else, choose to hold people's feet to the fire and make them follow the processes that support your team. In time, the value of this stance will pay off. You may have to take more heat than you like, but hey- that's why managers make the big bucks.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 9:07 AM on March 23, 2017 [15 favorites]
Having been a technical employee in the past, let me tell you what your question sounds like from the other side: Davis doesn’t believe that you don’t have his back.
It’s your job to go out to bat for your subordinates & make sure that they are insulated from the crap that rains down on every business unit from it’s surrounding “colleagues”. If you want Davis to play politics and soothe egos, he can only do that it he knows that he has your complete support (if he’s even capable of it). Right now, it sounds like he’s badly overworked, probably knows that he’s making mistakes & suspects that some day something is going to go badly wrong and he is going to be made to take the fall for it. Why? Because every time something does go wrong, you make him swallow shit in order to soothe the ruffled egos of your colleagues. If I were of a cynical frame mind, I might believe that you were more interested in making your own life easier than anything else. It’s no wonder he’s short-tempered and liable to fly off the handle at perceived slights.
In particular, this: “He is inundated with last minute, high profile requests that he fulfills by doing unnatural acts and working his people to do whatever it takes. He is stressed out and he works probably 75-80 hours a week” is a sure sign of a sick system which Davis is completely caught up in & unable to extricate himself. Isn’t that your responsibility to sort out? You have an employee who is working frankly ridiculous hours & is going to burn out sooner or later. (& God only knows what life is like for his subordinates.)
When that happens are you going to tell yourself that he was the problem then too?
posted by pharm at 9:14 AM on March 23, 2017 [39 favorites]
It’s your job to go out to bat for your subordinates & make sure that they are insulated from the crap that rains down on every business unit from it’s surrounding “colleagues”. If you want Davis to play politics and soothe egos, he can only do that it he knows that he has your complete support (if he’s even capable of it). Right now, it sounds like he’s badly overworked, probably knows that he’s making mistakes & suspects that some day something is going to go badly wrong and he is going to be made to take the fall for it. Why? Because every time something does go wrong, you make him swallow shit in order to soothe the ruffled egos of your colleagues. If I were of a cynical frame mind, I might believe that you were more interested in making your own life easier than anything else. It’s no wonder he’s short-tempered and liable to fly off the handle at perceived slights.
In particular, this: “He is inundated with last minute, high profile requests that he fulfills by doing unnatural acts and working his people to do whatever it takes. He is stressed out and he works probably 75-80 hours a week” is a sure sign of a sick system which Davis is completely caught up in & unable to extricate himself. Isn’t that your responsibility to sort out? You have an employee who is working frankly ridiculous hours & is going to burn out sooner or later. (& God only knows what life is like for his subordinates.)
When that happens are you going to tell yourself that he was the problem then too?
posted by pharm at 9:14 AM on March 23, 2017 [39 favorites]
It's occurred to me that I may not be doing enough to insulate Davis from these situations
DO THIS
DO THIS
DO THIS
Here's the bullshit of working in tech and being good at it: people think advancement = management, ie NOT DOING THE THING YOU WERE GOOD AT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Does this guy have an MBA? Has he ever indicated to you that management is his lifelong dream and he's just toiling in the software mines until his ship comes in and he can snorgle customer/end-user ass 18 hours a day? I'm going to guess no.
Let him be good at what he's good at. Let his team be good at what they are good at. Implement a gatekeeper if it's not you. Implement a no-sayer and make sure they are fully empowered to say no. Work with Davis and this person to remove just enough authority from Davis so that by design it takes the two of them to agree to anything, and the other person is responsible for the final yes. You really want a gatekeeper who loves rules here, enjoys saying no when the rules say no. You want a procedure in place so that Davis is liberated and incentivized to say no. I suspect if you worked with Davis he would tell you the necessary procedures; he's written them when he's just gone to bed at 2am and has to get up at 6 (really, 5, if he wants to get anything done) and his mind won't stop racing.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:14 AM on March 23, 2017 [11 favorites]
DO THIS
DO THIS
DO THIS
Here's the bullshit of working in tech and being good at it: people think advancement = management, ie NOT DOING THE THING YOU WERE GOOD AT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Does this guy have an MBA? Has he ever indicated to you that management is his lifelong dream and he's just toiling in the software mines until his ship comes in and he can snorgle customer/end-user ass 18 hours a day? I'm going to guess no.
Let him be good at what he's good at. Let his team be good at what they are good at. Implement a gatekeeper if it's not you. Implement a no-sayer and make sure they are fully empowered to say no. Work with Davis and this person to remove just enough authority from Davis so that by design it takes the two of them to agree to anything, and the other person is responsible for the final yes. You really want a gatekeeper who loves rules here, enjoys saying no when the rules say no. You want a procedure in place so that Davis is liberated and incentivized to say no. I suspect if you worked with Davis he would tell you the necessary procedures; he's written them when he's just gone to bed at 2am and has to get up at 6 (really, 5, if he wants to get anything done) and his mind won't stop racing.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:14 AM on March 23, 2017 [11 favorites]
Drat. Davis doesn’t believe that you don’t have his back.
posted by pharm at 9:41 AM on March 23, 2017
posted by pharm at 9:41 AM on March 23, 2017
Another Joe Schmoe here. Why is Davis working such taxing hours? "That's just who he is" isn't a good enough reason.
Since you're an employer, EMPLOY more help.
posted by BostonTerrier at 9:42 AM on March 23, 2017 [13 favorites]
Since you're an employer, EMPLOY more help.
posted by BostonTerrier at 9:42 AM on March 23, 2017 [13 favorites]
People will put up with astonishing amounts of crap when they feel like their manager has their back. He has got to know that you think he's doing things right and never ever blaming him for stuff that's beyond his control.
If your org culture is such that you really could not have told Brian, even gently, that the mistake had been on his part, then at the very least you should have been extremely frank with Davis about that, one on one, and assured him that everyone knew it was Brian's bullshit, but that for political reasons you couldn't say so publicly. Much better to say nothing about the cause of the problem than to lie and say the problem was on Davis' end! And ideally you should have told Brian the truth - very nicely - preferably over the phone, not in email which can come off the wrong way - that the request never came to Davis because it wasn't submitted through the right channel, and that was the reason for the problem, that the process is there in order to make sure Brian always DOES get what he needs and that you're all eager to get him the right service etc. What you did was throw Davis under the bus, and that will demoralize anyone faster than an 80 hour week ever could.
posted by fingersandtoes at 10:11 AM on March 23, 2017 [11 favorites]
If your org culture is such that you really could not have told Brian, even gently, that the mistake had been on his part, then at the very least you should have been extremely frank with Davis about that, one on one, and assured him that everyone knew it was Brian's bullshit, but that for political reasons you couldn't say so publicly. Much better to say nothing about the cause of the problem than to lie and say the problem was on Davis' end! And ideally you should have told Brian the truth - very nicely - preferably over the phone, not in email which can come off the wrong way - that the request never came to Davis because it wasn't submitted through the right channel, and that was the reason for the problem, that the process is there in order to make sure Brian always DOES get what he needs and that you're all eager to get him the right service etc. What you did was throw Davis under the bus, and that will demoralize anyone faster than an 80 hour week ever could.
posted by fingersandtoes at 10:11 AM on March 23, 2017 [11 favorites]
These examples, especially number #1, are classic examples of why project, program, and/or process/production* managers exist. Someone has to maintain ownership of the processes to referee these kinds of disputes. It may be that you have other job responsibilities that prevent you from doing an adequate job here, in which case you're going to need to look for someone with these technical skills.
Davis may need coaching, but it sounds like he's under a lot of stress, and your biggest problem is you need to shield someone who's a good coder from having to deal with this. I mainly employ coders, and to find someone who's brilliant at coding or hardware or both, along WITH the people skills to navigate these kinds of minefields - usually you need two guys or gals. Most of the people who can do both wind up owning their own business, not working for you.
*they all start with P. Trippy, right?
posted by randomkeystrike at 10:29 AM on March 23, 2017 [5 favorites]
Davis may need coaching, but it sounds like he's under a lot of stress, and your biggest problem is you need to shield someone who's a good coder from having to deal with this. I mainly employ coders, and to find someone who's brilliant at coding or hardware or both, along WITH the people skills to navigate these kinds of minefields - usually you need two guys or gals. Most of the people who can do both wind up owning their own business, not working for you.
*they all start with P. Trippy, right?
posted by randomkeystrike at 10:29 AM on March 23, 2017 [5 favorites]
He's working far too many hours. As his manager, he should not be able to outright refuse your request (to hire someone). What are his reasons for this refusal?
posted by ellieBOA at 10:30 AM on March 23, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by ellieBOA at 10:30 AM on March 23, 2017 [3 favorites]
Reading this I had some questions.
- How do people on other teams, and on Davis's team, see him? Was the reason the team in your second example immediately went over his head because they see him as difficult to deal with? (If so, did that have a part in their decision to take over the work?)
- How clearly defined is the role of Davis's team? How is it that this Brian guy just passed them a casual hallway (!) request and didn't think to check in again before the last minute, and thought that was okay? Is Davis's team is seen by others as sort of low-status "tech support," regardless of the complexity of what it actually provides? If that is part of what's going on, then addressing it throughout the company could make a difference both in how Davis is treated by others and how secure he feels about his own role. It's not okay if the organization thinks dumping last-minute projects on his team is a good idea, and it sounds like you're the person who needs to work on changing that. (This is obviously more tricky if your entire workplace has a crunch-time culture. Still, people on other teams should be educated to have a sense of how much is on Davis's team's plate during a given period, what kind of priority they can expect their requests to be given, and what kind of turnaround time they should be able to expect without providing lots of extra grovelling and thanks. They definitely should know to not just drop important requests casually. Maybe some kind of online workload/ticket request/calendar system would help? A coordinated effort where, alternative-world-Trump-style, all upper-level management refers to his team as "Davis's incredibly hardworking and overworked team, who will hopefully be able to make time for us, if we're lucky"? )
- I wasn't clear which of you is the VP-level exec. If it's you then what is Davis's actual position, and where do you think he would ideally like his responsibilities to lie on the range of technical to political (independently of considerations like pay and perceived status)? Is he the type of person who, rather than learning people skills, would prefer to define his role such that he has excellent compensation, status, and room for growth while reducing his need for actual human interaction?
- It's really hard to tell from this question to what extent Davis is judging things accurately and just not good at reining in his feelings, or to what extent he's unreasonable and terrible to work with from others' perspectives. You say he leads a team: what kind of manager is he, and how does he see his responsibilities in that role? Does he take out his feelings on his own reports? Does he do things for his reports that he wishes you'd do for him? Are there organizational processes he's put in place within his own group that might be relevant on a wider scale?
- He might be okay with being worked to the bone, but how do his reports feel about it?
- Along with what others have said about showing him how you've got his back, can you work with him on how to build good paper trails so other people can't actually make him look bad the way he fears? Like, if person Q sends him an email saying "why haven't you gotten back to me on issues X and Y," does he feel comfortable CC'ing you on the reply so that it's clear to everyone, including Q, that he knows he's all right? (On that note, instead of asking him to put in writing things like "I'm sure something must have gone wrong on our side," you could bring up the art of answering helpfully but without acknowledging nonexistent faults.) So in your example 1, that would be something like the following, CC'd to you and possibly to Brian's manager if relevant: "Hi Brian, I'm afraid your request never made it to me. We'll do our best to get you the information overnight. In future, please email me any requests so that I'm sure to see them, as well as any deadlines. Feel free to ping me if we're taking longer than expected to get back to you."
- I definitely think addressing his people skills should be done within the framework of supporting him and building him up. As in, 'it's your periodic performance review, you've done amazing work, let's start thinking about the next level. [I'm assuming there's some room for growth you can figure out.] Your technical skills are amazing, you're getting a pay/status bump, let's get your office politicking skillz up to your new level.' He needs to understand (if indeed this is the case) that the more people skills he has the more secure his position is. The prospect of not being in constant and urgent demand shouldn't be stressful to him, partly because he should know that his technical contributions aren't the only thing he brings to the company.
- Finally, you say "I won't truly feel successful with Davis until I know he is changing the way he thinks in addition to basic self control." I see why you'd feel that, but I don't think it's a reasonable ask. The guy can and should think in whatever way allows him to treat people sanely, and if that means keeping imaginary voodoo dolls in his brain, then that's not optimal but it's fine. That said, making it clear that he's not on his own, and working on getting his team the recognition they deserve, should help.
posted by trig at 10:55 AM on March 23, 2017 [7 favorites]
- How do people on other teams, and on Davis's team, see him? Was the reason the team in your second example immediately went over his head because they see him as difficult to deal with? (If so, did that have a part in their decision to take over the work?)
- How clearly defined is the role of Davis's team? How is it that this Brian guy just passed them a casual hallway (!) request and didn't think to check in again before the last minute, and thought that was okay? Is Davis's team is seen by others as sort of low-status "tech support," regardless of the complexity of what it actually provides? If that is part of what's going on, then addressing it throughout the company could make a difference both in how Davis is treated by others and how secure he feels about his own role. It's not okay if the organization thinks dumping last-minute projects on his team is a good idea, and it sounds like you're the person who needs to work on changing that. (This is obviously more tricky if your entire workplace has a crunch-time culture. Still, people on other teams should be educated to have a sense of how much is on Davis's team's plate during a given period, what kind of priority they can expect their requests to be given, and what kind of turnaround time they should be able to expect without providing lots of extra grovelling and thanks. They definitely should know to not just drop important requests casually. Maybe some kind of online workload/ticket request/calendar system would help? A coordinated effort where, alternative-world-Trump-style, all upper-level management refers to his team as "Davis's incredibly hardworking and overworked team, who will hopefully be able to make time for us, if we're lucky"? )
- I wasn't clear which of you is the VP-level exec. If it's you then what is Davis's actual position, and where do you think he would ideally like his responsibilities to lie on the range of technical to political (independently of considerations like pay and perceived status)? Is he the type of person who, rather than learning people skills, would prefer to define his role such that he has excellent compensation, status, and room for growth while reducing his need for actual human interaction?
- It's really hard to tell from this question to what extent Davis is judging things accurately and just not good at reining in his feelings, or to what extent he's unreasonable and terrible to work with from others' perspectives. You say he leads a team: what kind of manager is he, and how does he see his responsibilities in that role? Does he take out his feelings on his own reports? Does he do things for his reports that he wishes you'd do for him? Are there organizational processes he's put in place within his own group that might be relevant on a wider scale?
- He might be okay with being worked to the bone, but how do his reports feel about it?
- Along with what others have said about showing him how you've got his back, can you work with him on how to build good paper trails so other people can't actually make him look bad the way he fears? Like, if person Q sends him an email saying "why haven't you gotten back to me on issues X and Y," does he feel comfortable CC'ing you on the reply so that it's clear to everyone, including Q, that he knows he's all right? (On that note, instead of asking him to put in writing things like "I'm sure something must have gone wrong on our side," you could bring up the art of answering helpfully but without acknowledging nonexistent faults.) So in your example 1, that would be something like the following, CC'd to you and possibly to Brian's manager if relevant: "Hi Brian, I'm afraid your request never made it to me. We'll do our best to get you the information overnight. In future, please email me any requests so that I'm sure to see them, as well as any deadlines. Feel free to ping me if we're taking longer than expected to get back to you."
- I definitely think addressing his people skills should be done within the framework of supporting him and building him up. As in, 'it's your periodic performance review, you've done amazing work, let's start thinking about the next level. [I'm assuming there's some room for growth you can figure out.] Your technical skills are amazing, you're getting a pay/status bump, let's get your office politicking skillz up to your new level.' He needs to understand (if indeed this is the case) that the more people skills he has the more secure his position is. The prospect of not being in constant and urgent demand shouldn't be stressful to him, partly because he should know that his technical contributions aren't the only thing he brings to the company.
- Finally, you say "I won't truly feel successful with Davis until I know he is changing the way he thinks in addition to basic self control." I see why you'd feel that, but I don't think it's a reasonable ask. The guy can and should think in whatever way allows him to treat people sanely, and if that means keeping imaginary voodoo dolls in his brain, then that's not optimal but it's fine. That said, making it clear that he's not on his own, and working on getting his team the recognition they deserve, should help.
posted by trig at 10:55 AM on March 23, 2017 [7 favorites]
I agree that it's your job to defend Davis in Situation #1. You can do this politely but firmly with an email to Brian (& maybe his boss) that says something like "I looked into Brian's concerns and it turns out that he made a verbal request for the information last month to someone on the XY team. Unfortunately, it wasn't conveyed to our team. We'll review our internal process but going forward, we're asking everyone to get on board with putting in a TPS report request. Here's the email address to use." Saying things like, "gosh, we must have missed your email" is not only throwing Davis under the bus and inappropriately taking blame but it is not telling Brian how to get his request filled next time.
With #2, I would just reassure Davis that he has more than enough on his plate and that it's time to turn over the code. You are his manager, right? You have the authority to do that. Reassure him that he does high quality work and you really value him.
In general, it sounds like Davis is horribly overworked. Consider that he might be resistant to hiring someone new because the process of hiring and training that person will be additional responsibility on top of the 80 hours a week he's already putting in. One of my biggest managerial mistakes in the past was when I noticed that someone was carrying a very heavy load but I assumed that they would tell me if they had a problem with it. They, on the other hand, assumed that they didn't have any recourse and solved the issue by quitting, which of course created additional issues. You as the manager may need to insist that Davis hire someone for the team and find a way to clear his schedule long enough to train them--perhaps using time freed up from managing the product in Scenario 2.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 11:00 AM on March 23, 2017 [7 favorites]
With #2, I would just reassure Davis that he has more than enough on his plate and that it's time to turn over the code. You are his manager, right? You have the authority to do that. Reassure him that he does high quality work and you really value him.
In general, it sounds like Davis is horribly overworked. Consider that he might be resistant to hiring someone new because the process of hiring and training that person will be additional responsibility on top of the 80 hours a week he's already putting in. One of my biggest managerial mistakes in the past was when I noticed that someone was carrying a very heavy load but I assumed that they would tell me if they had a problem with it. They, on the other hand, assumed that they didn't have any recourse and solved the issue by quitting, which of course created additional issues. You as the manager may need to insist that Davis hire someone for the team and find a way to clear his schedule long enough to train them--perhaps using time freed up from managing the product in Scenario 2.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 11:00 AM on March 23, 2017 [7 favorites]
How do people on other teams, and on Davis's team, see him? Was the reason the team in your second example immediately went over his head because they see him as difficult to deal with?
This is what I have been wondering. I'm a fairly senior manager, and I have seen this pattern with employees in the past. Their attitudes or ways of reacting to things badly cause others to not want to come to them, which leads to a vicious cycle of them being out of the loop on stuff and then reacting badly to it. It may be that the customers/clients are just jerks, but if a number of them are going around him, or being brusque in asking him for stuff, I'd suggest doing some deep thinking about how much Davis's behavior could be contributing to that.
posted by primethyme at 11:02 AM on March 23, 2017
This is what I have been wondering. I'm a fairly senior manager, and I have seen this pattern with employees in the past. Their attitudes or ways of reacting to things badly cause others to not want to come to them, which leads to a vicious cycle of them being out of the loop on stuff and then reacting badly to it. It may be that the customers/clients are just jerks, but if a number of them are going around him, or being brusque in asking him for stuff, I'd suggest doing some deep thinking about how much Davis's behavior could be contributing to that.
posted by primethyme at 11:02 AM on March 23, 2017
He works probably 75-80 hours a week (I've tried to tell him to work fewer hours or to hire more people but it's just who he is).
This, right here, is a lie. People who work 80 hours a week because that's "who they are" are the corporate equivalent of wives who do housework while you watch the TV because they "don't know how to relax". You have an uber talented, uber hard working guy who picks up everyone's slack but instead of counting your lucky stars you complain that he doesn't rise to the level of Jesus by turning the other cheek? You said the main problem is Davis's "unpredictable temperament" and you presumably picked two most egregious examples of this, which were... that he (1) didn't say sorry when a bad client made up a lie to throw him under the bus in front of upper management and (2) didn't sing kumbaya when another bad client literally refused to meet with him so he could hand over their project?
It's my belief that jerks will be jerks but anyone that there's hope for will come around when they see that your main focus is to help them out.
I think you need to check your assumptions. It is quite the opposite, in my 20-year corporate experience. Bullies (clients included) need to be nipped in the bud immediately, otherwise their behavior only gets worse.
How can I help Davis reach his potential?
Davis has already reached his potential. He "delivers more software solutions of higher quality than anyone on my executive team", he is "building software that takes our business in directions that others aren't familiar with", and he "fulfills high profile requests by doing unnatural acts and working his people to do whatever it takes". Are you effing kidding me about his potential? You have a goose that lays golden eggs and y'all decided to complain that you can't also ride him like a donkey while simultaneously milking him like a cow. Get your internal and external clients and processes under control and give that man a huge bonus.
posted by rada at 11:35 AM on March 23, 2017 [48 favorites]
This, right here, is a lie. People who work 80 hours a week because that's "who they are" are the corporate equivalent of wives who do housework while you watch the TV because they "don't know how to relax". You have an uber talented, uber hard working guy who picks up everyone's slack but instead of counting your lucky stars you complain that he doesn't rise to the level of Jesus by turning the other cheek? You said the main problem is Davis's "unpredictable temperament" and you presumably picked two most egregious examples of this, which were... that he (1) didn't say sorry when a bad client made up a lie to throw him under the bus in front of upper management and (2) didn't sing kumbaya when another bad client literally refused to meet with him so he could hand over their project?
It's my belief that jerks will be jerks but anyone that there's hope for will come around when they see that your main focus is to help them out.
I think you need to check your assumptions. It is quite the opposite, in my 20-year corporate experience. Bullies (clients included) need to be nipped in the bud immediately, otherwise their behavior only gets worse.
How can I help Davis reach his potential?
Davis has already reached his potential. He "delivers more software solutions of higher quality than anyone on my executive team", he is "building software that takes our business in directions that others aren't familiar with", and he "fulfills high profile requests by doing unnatural acts and working his people to do whatever it takes". Are you effing kidding me about his potential? You have a goose that lays golden eggs and y'all decided to complain that you can't also ride him like a donkey while simultaneously milking him like a cow. Get your internal and external clients and processes under control and give that man a huge bonus.
posted by rada at 11:35 AM on March 23, 2017 [48 favorites]
Lack of sleep and vacation will drastically reduce patience and ability to respond calmly to difficult situations. There's an entire other person you haven't met in a while: rested Davis.
You wouldn't run a car for years without some kind of maintenance, right?
posted by amtho at 12:02 PM on March 23, 2017 [6 favorites]
You wouldn't run a car for years without some kind of maintenance, right?
posted by amtho at 12:02 PM on March 23, 2017 [6 favorites]
I'm kind of Davis. I have a lot of anxiety. I do really stellar work. My boss is a wonderful shit-umbrella, and I'm pretty sure I'd have to murder someone to get fired, but still whenever something happens bad I freak out and expect the hammer to fall, hard, on me.
I want to be less stressed at work. I want management coaching to help with that. Maybe davis does, too. In the tradition of AskMe, I recommend you show Davis this thread and see what he thinks.
posted by rebent at 1:13 PM on March 23, 2017 [3 favorites]
I want to be less stressed at work. I want management coaching to help with that. Maybe davis does, too. In the tradition of AskMe, I recommend you show Davis this thread and see what he thinks.
posted by rebent at 1:13 PM on March 23, 2017 [3 favorites]
It sounds as if Davis' role has outgrown both the staffing model and his current skill set. It also sounds as if he is exhausted and insecure.
I agree with all of the other posters who are recommending that you reassure him on a regular basis about the excellent work he is doing.
I would let things die down (if they ever do) and have one or more strategic discussions with him, about his team, about their workload, about the overall direction of the company growth, and ask him to envision how his team might best support the growth. Make it clear this about helping them scale, so they can continue to do the important work they are doing, and even branch out into more interesting and exciting projects. Then, carry through on as many of those recommendations as you can, or, work with him to come up with a workable solution.
I would also ask him what he really likes about his current role, and what is less rewarding and asking him what would work better to deal with the less-rewarding aspects of his job. It might be a good idea, for example, to have him focus on the overall performance and direction of the team, and to hire a director (assuming he is a VP) to deal with the more day-to-day, nit-picking aspects of the job.
Assuming he is interested in it, some leadership development training might not be a bad idea, either, but only if he would find it valuable and interesting. To a lot of people, programs like that are a waste of time, but some find them very valuable, in adapting to new responsibilities.
posted by dancing_angel at 1:25 PM on March 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
I agree with all of the other posters who are recommending that you reassure him on a regular basis about the excellent work he is doing.
I would let things die down (if they ever do) and have one or more strategic discussions with him, about his team, about their workload, about the overall direction of the company growth, and ask him to envision how his team might best support the growth. Make it clear this about helping them scale, so they can continue to do the important work they are doing, and even branch out into more interesting and exciting projects. Then, carry through on as many of those recommendations as you can, or, work with him to come up with a workable solution.
I would also ask him what he really likes about his current role, and what is less rewarding and asking him what would work better to deal with the less-rewarding aspects of his job. It might be a good idea, for example, to have him focus on the overall performance and direction of the team, and to hire a director (assuming he is a VP) to deal with the more day-to-day, nit-picking aspects of the job.
Assuming he is interested in it, some leadership development training might not be a bad idea, either, but only if he would find it valuable and interesting. To a lot of people, programs like that are a waste of time, but some find them very valuable, in adapting to new responsibilities.
posted by dancing_angel at 1:25 PM on March 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
Do you think part of Davis' reactions to you are blowing off steam so he doesn't get so aggro with the client?
I have a very trusting relationship with my manager and I do feel comfortable venting/voicing frustrations with him that I would never say to an internal stakeholder.
I think what you're looking for is a way to give Davis some space. When you have time /distance it allows a person to be less reactive and gives emotions an opportunity to simmer down.
From what you've described Davis has no space and everything is ad hoc and this is no doubt exacerbating this aspect of his personality.
There's a couple of ways of dealing with this. One, enforce your company's work life balance policy. His work hours are, I'm sorry to say, a failure on your behalf. You're boss, tell him to go home, and organise additional funding or resource. By tacitly accepting it you are encouraging an unhealthy workload, why would he change when he knows you're happy with his miracle deliveries?
Secondly, it sounds like the team could use some process as a protective function. This will undoubtedly get push back from the business as they can no longer drop ad hoc requests willy nilly. However you can position it as a win from a number of perspectives: risk, productivity /efficiency, cost, prioritisation, resourcing etc.
In teams I have worked in processes have done all those things, and also helped by giving me requirements in a standard format containing the information I need. And stakeholders nknow what to expect, what they need to deliver and a kind of SLA.
Finally, what does Davis say? Have you spoken about this in performance reviews, is there something about it in his dev plan? What does his team say? Has this issue come up in planning sessions or off sites? Do you you do "retros" with the team where you talk about what's working and what isn't, prioritise, and brainstorm approaches?
As a leader it's a powerful act to ask your teams for a solution to their own problems, and then support them in achieving those solutions .
Tl;Dr I think you are focusing maybe too closely on Davis' personality and not enough on the systemic and culturally factors leading it to express in this way.
Best of luck.
posted by smoke at 1:59 PM on March 23, 2017 [5 favorites]
I have a very trusting relationship with my manager and I do feel comfortable venting/voicing frustrations with him that I would never say to an internal stakeholder.
I think what you're looking for is a way to give Davis some space. When you have time /distance it allows a person to be less reactive and gives emotions an opportunity to simmer down.
From what you've described Davis has no space and everything is ad hoc and this is no doubt exacerbating this aspect of his personality.
There's a couple of ways of dealing with this. One, enforce your company's work life balance policy. His work hours are, I'm sorry to say, a failure on your behalf. You're boss, tell him to go home, and organise additional funding or resource. By tacitly accepting it you are encouraging an unhealthy workload, why would he change when he knows you're happy with his miracle deliveries?
Secondly, it sounds like the team could use some process as a protective function. This will undoubtedly get push back from the business as they can no longer drop ad hoc requests willy nilly. However you can position it as a win from a number of perspectives: risk, productivity /efficiency, cost, prioritisation, resourcing etc.
In teams I have worked in processes have done all those things, and also helped by giving me requirements in a standard format containing the information I need. And stakeholders nknow what to expect, what they need to deliver and a kind of SLA.
Finally, what does Davis say? Have you spoken about this in performance reviews, is there something about it in his dev plan? What does his team say? Has this issue come up in planning sessions or off sites? Do you you do "retros" with the team where you talk about what's working and what isn't, prioritise, and brainstorm approaches?
As a leader it's a powerful act to ask your teams for a solution to their own problems, and then support them in achieving those solutions .
Tl;Dr I think you are focusing maybe too closely on Davis' personality and not enough on the systemic and culturally factors leading it to express in this way.
Best of luck.
posted by smoke at 1:59 PM on March 23, 2017 [5 favorites]
I think you need to check your assumptions. It is quite the opposite, in my 20-year corporate experience. Bullies (clients included) need to be nipped in the bud immediately, otherwise their behavior only gets worse.
Nthing this. No work bully ever "comes around." They only get worse. They usually get promoted.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 5:38 PM on March 23, 2017 [5 favorites]
Nthing this. No work bully ever "comes around." They only get worse. They usually get promoted.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 5:38 PM on March 23, 2017 [5 favorites]
Question when it comes to Davis's workload - When you say you tell him to work less overtime, do you just tell him that without any change in the expectations you and his customers have for him? Have you put any systems into place to stop last minute, high profile requests that he can't ignore?
In example 1 it sounds like he's being asked, not only to take the blame for Brian's bad behavior, but to do a rush job to help Brian out -- another last minute request. If I were Davis I would feel like you didn't have my back, and didn't actually mean it when you told me to work less. You told him to volunteer to do more. And pretend to be happy about it.
In example 2 I don't understand how Davis was supposed to 'transcend' this situation when the other team ignored him and came straight to you. You say they're capable of doing the work now, but they certainly don't sound ready for a hand off. I've been in this situation and I too would assume they'd take my code, break it, and then blame me when it doesn't work anymore. Then I have to spend MORE time fixing it. It's a critical function, Davis knows it's a critical function, and this team has shown blatant disrespect for the work he's done for them to this point.
Maybe Davis really is a bad team player, but in the two examples you've given, I just read someone frustrated with doing good work that no one understands, getting taken for granted, and being asked to say 'please sir, can I have some more.' Why shouldn't he feel threatened when people undercut him?
Your job isn't just to provide a good example of sereneness to Davis. It's good to work towards a peaceful non-confrontational workplace. But serenity cannot come at the expense of your people's work and reputations. Good systems in place will help you protect your people in a calm, factual way. 'Brian, can you re-send Form XYZ with your data request? As you know this helps us make sure that nothing falls through the cracks!' 'Phil, this transition requires training and sign off per our Change Point Control process.' And the process have to be followed, even when other people/departments are upset. Don't let it slide in order to be helpful.
Now, Davis might be really resistant to getting help. This isn't uncommon. He's been the Little Dutch Boy and he's got all 10 fingers holding the dyke together. When you tell him 'No really, take out the pinky finger, I'm going to fix the wall' he's got no reason to believe you. He knows that the water will come crashing down, and no one in the company has given him reason to believe that they understand that the water is even there.
posted by Caravantea at 5:44 PM on March 23, 2017 [6 favorites]
In example 1 it sounds like he's being asked, not only to take the blame for Brian's bad behavior, but to do a rush job to help Brian out -- another last minute request. If I were Davis I would feel like you didn't have my back, and didn't actually mean it when you told me to work less. You told him to volunteer to do more. And pretend to be happy about it.
In example 2 I don't understand how Davis was supposed to 'transcend' this situation when the other team ignored him and came straight to you. You say they're capable of doing the work now, but they certainly don't sound ready for a hand off. I've been in this situation and I too would assume they'd take my code, break it, and then blame me when it doesn't work anymore. Then I have to spend MORE time fixing it. It's a critical function, Davis knows it's a critical function, and this team has shown blatant disrespect for the work he's done for them to this point.
Maybe Davis really is a bad team player, but in the two examples you've given, I just read someone frustrated with doing good work that no one understands, getting taken for granted, and being asked to say 'please sir, can I have some more.' Why shouldn't he feel threatened when people undercut him?
Your job isn't just to provide a good example of sereneness to Davis. It's good to work towards a peaceful non-confrontational workplace. But serenity cannot come at the expense of your people's work and reputations. Good systems in place will help you protect your people in a calm, factual way. 'Brian, can you re-send Form XYZ with your data request? As you know this helps us make sure that nothing falls through the cracks!' 'Phil, this transition requires training and sign off per our Change Point Control process.' And the process have to be followed, even when other people/departments are upset. Don't let it slide in order to be helpful.
Now, Davis might be really resistant to getting help. This isn't uncommon. He's been the Little Dutch Boy and he's got all 10 fingers holding the dyke together. When you tell him 'No really, take out the pinky finger, I'm going to fix the wall' he's got no reason to believe you. He knows that the water will come crashing down, and no one in the company has given him reason to believe that they understand that the water is even there.
posted by Caravantea at 5:44 PM on March 23, 2017 [6 favorites]
Have his back. If he has too much pride, give him good project managers that take care of pointing him in the right direction and assist in documenting status updates and handling reporting on slippage. That allows him to report on success and content and should help him keep things framed in the positive.
posted by Nanukthedog at 6:00 PM on March 23, 2017
posted by Nanukthedog at 6:00 PM on March 23, 2017
I'm going to add a note of dissent here to the "have his back / be a better shit umbrella" chorus. You sound like a thoughtful manager who genuinely values Davis and communicates that. It sounds like you listen carefully and pay close attention to the dynamics of his work. And most importantly, you're here seeking advice about your own development as his manager — you're attuned to your own potential weaknesses and actively seeking to overcome them. I think there's some constructive criticism of your approach to consider in this thread, but your post reads to me like the writing of a highly empathetic and competent pro.
I'm also curious about the gender dynamic in this thread. I'm thinking of a situation that recently resolved itself at a company I work with that was something of a boys club. One of the small crew of engineers that kept the shop running sounds a lot like Davis: technically brilliant, but quick to white-hot anger. His manager might have been described as a great "shit umbrella" (do not love that term): she stood up for him, vociferously, and refused to seriously discipline him for behavior that was out of line. In their one-on-ones, she'd counsel him to keep his cool and praise the tremendous work he was doing. She never overlooked an opportunity to advocate for more resources to ease his workload. But while she was protecting — some might say indulging — him, his toxic penchant for confrontation was wrecking the place. Good employees on other teams were leaving the company because of his behavior. And the people who complained the loudest and ultimately left were, without exception, women.
Being a good manager means sticking up for your people, yes. It also means holding them accountable. I don't think we have enough information to make a clear diagnosis of whether you should boost your level of advocacy for Davis or work carefully with him on his behavioral skills. I think the list of questions trig posted are excellent ones.
One other thought: you might consider a structural solution here. Some engineers are terrific at interacting with clients, inferring requirements from those interactions, and taking advantage of the direct connection to make satisfying work. But some engineers work best with intermediaries — colleagues who have the skill and finesse to take on the arduous work of managing clients, but have the technical understanding to help steer the engineering work. If Davis can't or won't hire someone to take the technical work off his plate, perhaps you can find someone who can provide a necessary layer between him and your clients?
posted by grrarrgh00 at 4:10 AM on March 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'm also curious about the gender dynamic in this thread. I'm thinking of a situation that recently resolved itself at a company I work with that was something of a boys club. One of the small crew of engineers that kept the shop running sounds a lot like Davis: technically brilliant, but quick to white-hot anger. His manager might have been described as a great "shit umbrella" (do not love that term): she stood up for him, vociferously, and refused to seriously discipline him for behavior that was out of line. In their one-on-ones, she'd counsel him to keep his cool and praise the tremendous work he was doing. She never overlooked an opportunity to advocate for more resources to ease his workload. But while she was protecting — some might say indulging — him, his toxic penchant for confrontation was wrecking the place. Good employees on other teams were leaving the company because of his behavior. And the people who complained the loudest and ultimately left were, without exception, women.
Being a good manager means sticking up for your people, yes. It also means holding them accountable. I don't think we have enough information to make a clear diagnosis of whether you should boost your level of advocacy for Davis or work carefully with him on his behavioral skills. I think the list of questions trig posted are excellent ones.
One other thought: you might consider a structural solution here. Some engineers are terrific at interacting with clients, inferring requirements from those interactions, and taking advantage of the direct connection to make satisfying work. But some engineers work best with intermediaries — colleagues who have the skill and finesse to take on the arduous work of managing clients, but have the technical understanding to help steer the engineering work. If Davis can't or won't hire someone to take the technical work off his plate, perhaps you can find someone who can provide a necessary layer between him and your clients?
posted by grrarrgh00 at 4:10 AM on March 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
I like the comment about how you may not even know Rested Davis, and I think that if there's behavior issues on his end, getting to Rested Davis may be the key to addressing them.
Here's a thing: before I left my previous job, I was working three desks due to budget cuts. I was being paid more than fairly, I worked with nice people whose worst fault was sometimes to rail at the system a little because they didn't have more support, I knew that everyone felt that my work output was good, and I was even getting to take some vacation. But three desks was way the hell too much.
I am normally an upbeat employee who likes most people - you would never know it from my private life as Frowner, but people do actually remark on my surprisingly positive attitude. By the end of that gig, I had gotten into two really yelly arguments with one person, snapped at several people and narrowly avoided bursting into tears in the middle of a conversation with a third, plus I'd just generally been a mess. I was not recognizable to myself.
Now, in my new gig....well, I'm working on more fun stuff and the people are fantastic, but even when I'm slogging through boring things or dealing with tricky situations, I'm back to my old self and things don't get me down.
Stress is huge, and people don't see it. Until I started in with the yelling at my old job, I thought I was doing fine, cool as a cucumber, of course I could do the work, etc.
I think that whatever else you do, you should get Davis to work less. He may think this is all fun and productive and awesome and techy, but if he loves working that much, he can readily find volunteer tech projects to work on in his at home time.
Another thing: is there someone who is a little bit outside of all this whose opinion you could request? Not in a "what do you think of Davis" way, but in a "this is a problem we're running into with last minute requests and communication with Davis's team, what kinds of solutions would you see?" That ought to elicit anything like "Davis has a terrible temper and everyone hates him" or whatever.
But no matter what, I think you should get Davis's workload down to normal human hours. If he's at all like me, he'll be a different person when he's not working all the time.
posted by Frowner at 6:22 AM on March 24, 2017 [9 favorites]
Here's a thing: before I left my previous job, I was working three desks due to budget cuts. I was being paid more than fairly, I worked with nice people whose worst fault was sometimes to rail at the system a little because they didn't have more support, I knew that everyone felt that my work output was good, and I was even getting to take some vacation. But three desks was way the hell too much.
I am normally an upbeat employee who likes most people - you would never know it from my private life as Frowner, but people do actually remark on my surprisingly positive attitude. By the end of that gig, I had gotten into two really yelly arguments with one person, snapped at several people and narrowly avoided bursting into tears in the middle of a conversation with a third, plus I'd just generally been a mess. I was not recognizable to myself.
Now, in my new gig....well, I'm working on more fun stuff and the people are fantastic, but even when I'm slogging through boring things or dealing with tricky situations, I'm back to my old self and things don't get me down.
Stress is huge, and people don't see it. Until I started in with the yelling at my old job, I thought I was doing fine, cool as a cucumber, of course I could do the work, etc.
I think that whatever else you do, you should get Davis to work less. He may think this is all fun and productive and awesome and techy, but if he loves working that much, he can readily find volunteer tech projects to work on in his at home time.
Another thing: is there someone who is a little bit outside of all this whose opinion you could request? Not in a "what do you think of Davis" way, but in a "this is a problem we're running into with last minute requests and communication with Davis's team, what kinds of solutions would you see?" That ought to elicit anything like "Davis has a terrible temper and everyone hates him" or whatever.
But no matter what, I think you should get Davis's workload down to normal human hours. If he's at all like me, he'll be a different person when he's not working all the time.
posted by Frowner at 6:22 AM on March 24, 2017 [9 favorites]
I really cannot favorite Frowner's most recent comment enough. Stress & overwork, in due time, become downright toxic both to the mind and body.
posted by bologna on wry at 10:29 AM on March 24, 2017
posted by bologna on wry at 10:29 AM on March 24, 2017
How is Davis supposed to hire help when he's already working 75-80 hours a week to keep up with his current workload? Hiring people takes serious bandwidth.
posted by purple_bird at 12:55 PM on March 24, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by purple_bird at 12:55 PM on March 24, 2017 [5 favorites]
So you have an employee who delivers beyond reasonable expectations, is working their ass off, and is getting shit on by other teams.
Better hope this person doesn't figure this out or they will probably decide to get a better job. Sounds like you're not doing enough to insulate this person from these stresses and reassure them. Which makes it kinda unclear what you think the role of a manager is. I will point out that in general, in managing software teams, it is very likely you will end up with lots of skilled people who may not have the strongest soft skills. That's good for you, because dealing with that stuff is your job. If your subordinates handle that kind of thing with effortless grace, you're not actually contributing anything to the outcome.
posted by mister pointy at 3:24 PM on March 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
Better hope this person doesn't figure this out or they will probably decide to get a better job. Sounds like you're not doing enough to insulate this person from these stresses and reassure them. Which makes it kinda unclear what you think the role of a manager is. I will point out that in general, in managing software teams, it is very likely you will end up with lots of skilled people who may not have the strongest soft skills. That's good for you, because dealing with that stuff is your job. If your subordinates handle that kind of thing with effortless grace, you're not actually contributing anything to the outcome.
posted by mister pointy at 3:24 PM on March 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
I think the best thing you can do is reassure Davis that he is an extremely valuable part of your team. You can insulate him from some of these stressors but honestly the real solution is going to be for him to learn healthier responses to these stressors. I'm really not sure how else a manager could approach this; you obviously can't tell him to see a therapist, but as a former Davis I'm really not confident that anything else would work.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 7:27 AM on March 23, 2017 [5 favorites]