How do stay-at-home parents hire divorce lawyers?

March 14, 2017 11:52 PM

A friend and his wife are divorcing. He has been a stay-at-home father since their daughter was born eight years ago. Since he moved out of the house, she has diverted her paycheck into a a separate bank account he can't access and he doesn't have personal funds for a lawyer. This must happen all the time - how do stay-at-home parents hire lawyers? Is there some kind of divorce equivalency to contingency?

Basically what it says above. She makes several hundred thousand dollars a year, but since the breakup her paycheck, instead of going into their joint account, goes into an individual account she opened for this purpose. He is only allowed money for basic stuff like food and shelter. She is living paycheck to paycheck (a subject for another Ask!) and running up some debt so there isn't tons of cash lying around. Their assets are non-trivial but illiquid.

So far things have been reasonably amicable but he would like to hire a lawyer just to make sure his interests are protected. How do people come up with the money to do this?

This is in Massachusetts.

posted by anonymous to Law & Government (11 answers total)

So far things have been reasonably amicable

does not match

she has diverted her paycheck into a a separate bank account he can't access and he doesn't have personal funds for a lawyer.

He can go see a lawyer for an initial consult free of charge, and apply for an interim spousal support order. The lawyer can also explain what rights your friend has to assets including retirement and savings and the house if there is one. It is pretty common for divorce attorneys to be paid from the assets of the settlement.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:11 AM on March 15, 2017 [12 favorites]

I know in FL the spouse with all the money can be ordered to pay the legal fees for his or her spouse's attorney. But your friend needs to start by going to see a lawyer.
posted by COD at 5:57 AM on March 15, 2017 [6 favorites]

Like with heroin, the initial consultation is generally free. It's how a lot of family lawyers get folks in the door. Once he talks to an attorney, they can lay out what his options are.
posted by bile and syntax at 6:45 AM on March 15, 2017

Some resources I recommend are bedrockdivorce.com for financial advice books and workbooks. Another is Philip Greenspun's "Real World Divorce".
Start with talking to a divorce consultant before a lawyer, one who has been excellent is at Custodycalculations.com. Bill Eddy's High Conflict Institute has good resources, especially the book BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People

Friend should keep in mind that a cynical, but supported by lots of examples, view is that the primary concern of the judge is not fairness or the real truth or what is best for the kids, but rather clearing their docket and not seeing the litigants in court again.

How is childcare being handled now?
It seems that her paying his new rent and food to get him out of the home is a nasty trick to cut him off from all assets, and make it look to the kids that daddy abandoned them.

Have you seen jayder's comment on choosing a lawyer?
posted by Sophont at 6:56 AM on March 15, 2017 [1 favorite]

How do people come up with the money to do this?

I borrowed from my parents and put living expenses on credit cards. I haven't heard of a divorce lawyer working on contingency. I had a lawyer in category 2 in jayder's comment linked above and she was worth it. With that much money at stake he needs to do whatever he can to get the best lawyer he can. It will pay off.
posted by AFABulous at 7:28 AM on March 15, 2017 [2 favorites]

Divorce lawyers don't work on contingency. That's pretty much an arrangement reserved for personal injury/medical malpractice, where there's the possibility of a large cash award. It wouldn't really make sense for any lawyer to work on contingency, because in many divorce cases (probably most of them) no party will get awarded a significant cash lump sum. Instead, it's far more likely that there will be an order for maintenance and division of property, and it wouldn't be worth it for the lawyer, who will have put in many many hours of work for very little remuneration.
posted by holborne at 8:40 AM on March 15, 2017 [2 favorites]

(sorry, should have said, "It wouldn't make sense for any divorce lawyer to work on contingency...")
posted by holborne at 8:50 AM on March 15, 2017

A friend is in a similar situation in Massachusetts, and the spouse with income is paying the legal fees of the spouse without income. Your friend should go see a divorce lawyer and bring this issue up - it will not be the first time the lawyer has seen the issue, and the lawyer will probably be able to lay out some options.
posted by burden at 9:28 AM on March 15, 2017

It seems that her paying his new rent and food to get him out of the home is a nasty trick to cut him off from all assets, and make it look to the kids that daddy abandoned them.

This, and the apparent abandonment of the marriage by him may confuse the issues for the judge. He needs to move back in, or get the child over to his place at least half the time.

And lawyer, immediately, for an interim support order.
posted by JimN2TAW at 12:48 PM on March 15, 2017

I work for a State Bar. We have a modest means program that allows anyone in our state to hire an attorney at a very reduced rate. See if they have something similar in Massachusetts. I had to hire a divorce attorney and I qualified for the reduced rate, then made an agreement to pay off the balance on a monthly basis. That's the only way I could afford an attorney.
posted by tacodave at 4:37 PM on March 15, 2017

Legal Aide. They're who helped me.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 1:04 PM on March 16, 2017