Is this note left in our mailbox rude? It feels that way.
March 3, 2017 10:06 PM Subscribe
"Can you please park in your driveway? The garbage + recycling trucks have to back up down [the street] and it is difficult when you are here. Plus, this is not really the kind of neighborhood where people permanently park like this. Thank you.”
This anonymous note's subtext reads to me as very condescending at best and “YOU are not the kind of people who should be living in this neighborhood” at worst. The last bit is really what irks me (and the fact that it was not signed).
We have already decided that we are going to smoosh the cars into the driveway. After all, they did say please.
Some background info:
1) The vehicle in question isn't fancy.
2) The car is parked normally.
3) Our driveway is usually full.
4) We are not the only people that park on the street. (not sure if anyone else got a nastygram)
5) We are not a nuclear family or retired (like practically everyone else on the street).
I'm contemplating posting something on the neighborhood list serve. You know, a polite suggestion that we treat one another with respect. Am I overreacting? I really want to out them for being nasty. Is that petty if done VERY carefully and classily? Alternatively, I could post on the list serve that thanks to anonymous, starting now, for every passive aggressive note left in our mailbox, 1 pink flamingo will be added to the front yard.
This anonymous note's subtext reads to me as very condescending at best and “YOU are not the kind of people who should be living in this neighborhood” at worst. The last bit is really what irks me (and the fact that it was not signed).
We have already decided that we are going to smoosh the cars into the driveway. After all, they did say please.
Some background info:
1) The vehicle in question isn't fancy.
2) The car is parked normally.
3) Our driveway is usually full.
4) We are not the only people that park on the street. (not sure if anyone else got a nastygram)
5) We are not a nuclear family or retired (like practically everyone else on the street).
I'm contemplating posting something on the neighborhood list serve. You know, a polite suggestion that we treat one another with respect. Am I overreacting? I really want to out them for being nasty. Is that petty if done VERY carefully and classily? Alternatively, I could post on the list serve that thanks to anonymous, starting now, for every passive aggressive note left in our mailbox, 1 pink flamingo will be added to the front yard.
It seems to me that the note was politely written, short and to the point, explanatory of the fact that nobody should park on the street there (i.e. not singling you out), and inoffensive.
I think perhaps you felt offended / attacked because criticism always hurts and because in writing a (likely) intended note of softness gets lost. I still remember being stung by a roommate's note left on our shared bathroom mirror asking me not to splash water on the counter around the sink. She said nothing hurtful, yet I felt somehow attacked and shamed. But I got over it and realized she was right!
posted by Guinevere at 10:13 PM on March 3, 2017 [66 favorites]
I think perhaps you felt offended / attacked because criticism always hurts and because in writing a (likely) intended note of softness gets lost. I still remember being stung by a roommate's note left on our shared bathroom mirror asking me not to splash water on the counter around the sink. She said nothing hurtful, yet I felt somehow attacked and shamed. But I got over it and realized she was right!
posted by Guinevere at 10:13 PM on March 3, 2017 [66 favorites]
I'd ignore the note and just park wherever I wanted to (legally), perhaps avoiding parking on the street on garbage day. It's a snooty note but responding isn't going really do anything other than potentially stirring up drama. The best revenge is parking in front of your house when you feel like it :)
posted by emd3737 at 10:14 PM on March 3, 2017 [30 favorites]
posted by emd3737 at 10:14 PM on March 3, 2017 [30 favorites]
Best answer: The part about what type of neighborhood it is is gross and should have been left out. I mean I didn't know parking on the street was some kind of class signifier. But do you think there could be a legit issue for the garbage trucks?
posted by bleep at 10:14 PM on March 3, 2017 [40 favorites]
posted by bleep at 10:14 PM on March 3, 2017 [40 favorites]
Best thing to do is ignore it.
posted by bleep at 10:15 PM on March 3, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by bleep at 10:15 PM on March 3, 2017 [3 favorites]
Best answer: If street parking is legal and you are legally parked, then you can park on the damn street.
If the note were more like "Hey, welcome new neighbors, you might want to park in your driveway on garbage day so the trucks don't hit you/have an easier time of getting in and out!" then I might not give it the side-eye, but what with the "we don't do this sort of gross thing in our nice neighborhood" I wouldn't give it the benefit of the doubt.
posted by rtha at 10:18 PM on March 3, 2017 [40 favorites]
If the note were more like "Hey, welcome new neighbors, you might want to park in your driveway on garbage day so the trucks don't hit you/have an easier time of getting in and out!" then I might not give it the side-eye, but what with the "we don't do this sort of gross thing in our nice neighborhood" I wouldn't give it the benefit of the doubt.
posted by rtha at 10:18 PM on March 3, 2017 [40 favorites]
The first part is simple practical and had i gotten a similar note that stopped there, I'd st rongly consider changing my practice for that one day. Who wants to make the sanitation engineer's day harder?
The second part where they say this isn't that kind of neighborhood is assholish and world inspire me to fuck up their platonic ideal streetscape.
posted by Caxton1476 at 10:25 PM on March 3, 2017 [60 favorites]
The second part where they say this isn't that kind of neighborhood is assholish and world inspire me to fuck up their platonic ideal streetscape.
posted by Caxton1476 at 10:25 PM on March 3, 2017 [60 favorites]
I would personally have a very hard time reacting in a nice way to this level of passive aggressiveness.
Not overreacting!!
posted by wats at 10:29 PM on March 3, 2017 [9 favorites]
Not overreacting!!
posted by wats at 10:29 PM on March 3, 2017 [9 favorites]
I would start parking on the street all the time, with as many cars as I have access to, leaving my driveway clear.
Actually I would announce on your email list that the person who wrote the note has a standing invitation to come over for coffee but until that happens I will be inviting everyone I know to park in the neighborhood.
posted by danny the boy at 10:30 PM on March 3, 2017 [13 favorites]
Actually I would announce on your email list that the person who wrote the note has a standing invitation to come over for coffee but until that happens I will be inviting everyone I know to park in the neighborhood.
posted by danny the boy at 10:30 PM on March 3, 2017 [13 favorites]
rude, makes me want to go park on your street
posted by skewed at 10:33 PM on March 3, 2017 [30 favorites]
posted by skewed at 10:33 PM on March 3, 2017 [30 favorites]
There are, in fact, many suburban communities where long standing residents frown upon vehicles being parked on the streets. I don't get it, but these neighborhoods exist. They tend to be super low crime, possibly because neighbors call in any car they don't recognize and snoop like a hawk, or, perhaps, they do this because they believe this is why.
Regardless, I wouldn't take the tone as anything other than intending to be helpful and friendly, for the sheer reason that tone in a written or typed note will often depend on the mood or receptiveness of the reader. Sure, it could have likely been worded better, but this is irrelevent.
If you're able to park in your driveway and it seems to be what your neighbors like, and it doesn't inconvenience you, do it. There's no obligation, obviously, but if there is a code among neighbors, why not keep it up?
At the least, as you meet other neighbors, mention the note and get their feedback as undefensively as you can. Maybe its just one neighbor who this upsets and everyone laughs at them, or maybe it is a community wide thing.
posted by Unsomnambulist at 10:38 PM on March 3, 2017 [34 favorites]
Regardless, I wouldn't take the tone as anything other than intending to be helpful and friendly, for the sheer reason that tone in a written or typed note will often depend on the mood or receptiveness of the reader. Sure, it could have likely been worded better, but this is irrelevent.
If you're able to park in your driveway and it seems to be what your neighbors like, and it doesn't inconvenience you, do it. There's no obligation, obviously, but if there is a code among neighbors, why not keep it up?
At the least, as you meet other neighbors, mention the note and get their feedback as undefensively as you can. Maybe its just one neighbor who this upsets and everyone laughs at them, or maybe it is a community wide thing.
posted by Unsomnambulist at 10:38 PM on March 3, 2017 [34 favorites]
Ignore it. Passive aggressive neighbors can fuck right the hell off. If you are doing something actually bad, they can actually let you know instead of being obnoxious anonymous note dropping ninnies.
posted by so fucking future at 10:41 PM on March 3, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by so fucking future at 10:41 PM on March 3, 2017 [3 favorites]
Just as a data point, my city has an ordinance prohibiting cars from being parked on the street between 2 and 6am. It's mostly so the street sweepers can work unimpeded overnight, but I'm sure it also keeps cars from being parked permanently on the street or even abandoned in place. Even so, one can call the police and get an exemption by just asking.
In any case, your neighbors can always run for city council if they want to have the streets the way they want.
posted by JoeZydeco at 10:45 PM on March 3, 2017 [4 favorites]
In any case, your neighbors can always run for city council if they want to have the streets the way they want.
posted by JoeZydeco at 10:45 PM on March 3, 2017 [4 favorites]
Continue as you have been doing. Anyonymous notes are for cowards. If a neighbor has the courage to engage you in person about this, reevaluate at that point. Otherwise, act as though you have seen no note, in all ways, including treating all neighbors just as you have before.
posted by Kwine at 11:04 PM on March 3, 2017 [14 favorites]
posted by Kwine at 11:04 PM on March 3, 2017 [14 favorites]
It's passive-aggressive shit. I'm sure that the person who left the note spends far too much time on Nextdoor too, instead of having a useful hobby.
posted by holgate at 11:08 PM on March 3, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by holgate at 11:08 PM on March 3, 2017 [4 favorites]
I think the note is ok up until it wasn't signed. I would make an effort to park in the driveway, but on days when it is inconvenient, I would park on the street. I do not get what the problem is with the garbage truck having to back up. If this were the carting Co asking you to do them a favor on 3 days a week, I would say ok. Why is a neighbor doing it?
posted by AugustWest at 11:09 PM on March 3, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by AugustWest at 11:09 PM on March 3, 2017 [1 favorite]
At the least, as you meet other neighbors, mention the note and get their feedback as undefensively as you can. Maybe its just one neighbor who this upsets and everyone laughs at them, or maybe it is a community wide thing.
I'd agree with this. Work out whether there's one person who is a self-appointed "kind of neighborhood" monitor or whether it's a group effort. If it's the latter, then you have an informal HOA and you may end up hating it. If it's one person with too much time on their hands, invite everybody else to your cookout.
posted by holgate at 11:15 PM on March 3, 2017 [5 favorites]
I'd agree with this. Work out whether there's one person who is a self-appointed "kind of neighborhood" monitor or whether it's a group effort. If it's the latter, then you have an informal HOA and you may end up hating it. If it's one person with too much time on their hands, invite everybody else to your cookout.
posted by holgate at 11:15 PM on March 3, 2017 [5 favorites]
We have already decided that we are going to smoosh the cars into the driveway. After all, they did say please.
In my city, it's illegal to block the sidewalk when parking in your own driveway, and our next door neighbors were ticketed for it.
I'd post this note on the list serve (with an actual picture of the note if possible) and express a willingness to discuss parking with the writer in person or over the phone, and close with an observation to the effect of 'as far what kind of neighborhood this may be is concerned, I might have thought this is the kind of neighborhood where no one would feel the need to skulk around and leave an anonymous note in anyone else's mailbox.'
posted by jamjam at 11:18 PM on March 3, 2017 [17 favorites]
In my city, it's illegal to block the sidewalk when parking in your own driveway, and our next door neighbors were ticketed for it.
I'd post this note on the list serve (with an actual picture of the note if possible) and express a willingness to discuss parking with the writer in person or over the phone, and close with an observation to the effect of 'as far what kind of neighborhood this may be is concerned, I might have thought this is the kind of neighborhood where no one would feel the need to skulk around and leave an anonymous note in anyone else's mailbox.'
posted by jamjam at 11:18 PM on March 3, 2017 [17 favorites]
I got asked to do this (in person, politely, mind you) and I was grateful that they asked me to. Because the other side of the coin, is that if you make the sanitation guy's job too difficult to get around your car, well, your car just gets clipped by them. Yes, you can be passive aggressive right back and park on the street, but you run the risk of getting your car hit, annoying the sanitation guys - who can pay you back in all sorts of creative ways - and you apparently have the driveway space anyway. Why make life more difficult for others and yourself just to prove a point? I know it wasn't the nicest way to ask, but I would be the bigger person here.
posted by Jubey at 11:21 PM on March 3, 2017 [25 favorites]
posted by Jubey at 11:21 PM on March 3, 2017 [25 favorites]
It reads fine to me, I think you're just being defensive.
posted by the agents of KAOS at 11:22 PM on March 3, 2017 [17 favorites]
posted by the agents of KAOS at 11:22 PM on March 3, 2017 [17 favorites]
I agree that the note seems kinda rude.
But I think you need to get over that. Was the writer having a bad day? Did the writer have a screaming baby on their hip and so was in a hurry? Had the writer just finished having a heated conversation with the garbage truck driver for not backing down the street to get to their bins, and the driver blamed your car for being in the way? Is the writer just an entitled asshole?
The reasons for the rudeness don't matter. What matters is that your neighbors feel they are being adversely affected by something you are doing. So do the neighborly thing and correct it.
If you must post something on the listserv, take the high road - " just wanted to thank whoever left this anonymous note letting us know that our car was affecting the trash trucks. We'll make sure it's no longer in their way. Please feel free to stop by and introduce yourself sometime, we're friendly I promise". Even if people are irked with you, you come out smelling like a rose and people are less likely to leave you nasty grams in the future.
posted by vignettist at 11:32 PM on March 3, 2017 [35 favorites]
But I think you need to get over that. Was the writer having a bad day? Did the writer have a screaming baby on their hip and so was in a hurry? Had the writer just finished having a heated conversation with the garbage truck driver for not backing down the street to get to their bins, and the driver blamed your car for being in the way? Is the writer just an entitled asshole?
The reasons for the rudeness don't matter. What matters is that your neighbors feel they are being adversely affected by something you are doing. So do the neighborly thing and correct it.
If you must post something on the listserv, take the high road - " just wanted to thank whoever left this anonymous note letting us know that our car was affecting the trash trucks. We'll make sure it's no longer in their way. Please feel free to stop by and introduce yourself sometime, we're friendly I promise". Even if people are irked with you, you come out smelling like a rose and people are less likely to leave you nasty grams in the future.
posted by vignettist at 11:32 PM on March 3, 2017 [35 favorites]
Yes, do check city ordinances to see if it's legal to long-term park on the street. My city has laws against leaving a car for more than 3-4 days in one place (to prevent people from using city streets for broken clunker storage), and in some neighborhoods only short-term street parking is allowed; in some, no overnights; and in some, permitted parking on street only.
I live in an older urban neighborhood, with driveways, but with narrow-ass roads and densely-packed houses and it actually is super fucking annoying when someone's car takes up residence on the street for weeks at a time, and people actually have had (relatively polite) neighborhood disputes about it -- it is a through road with two-way traffic often narrowed to one car-width by street parkers, yes trucks need to get places, and the street is so narrow it can be hard to back out of your driveway if someone parks behind it. Me, I hate personal confrontation, so I steamed in silence for two years while my neighbor's teenager parked directly behind my driveway every day. But it was super aggravating. (Personally I'm waffling on whether the last bit was meant as a polite piece of information, badly-phrased, or whether it's rude snobbery.)
I would put your cars in the driveway on garbage day, and then not worry TOO much about parking on-street when you need to, although check to be sure you're not lining yourself up right across from someone's driveway or -- this makes people irrationally ragey -- parking in front of someone else's house.
I wouldn't post to the listserv; people will be taken aback by the callout. I would, instead, mention when chatting with a neighbor that you got an anonymous note in your mailbox and how hurtful it was, and let it spread organically and allow other people to make their own judgment that it was bad form. Which they will, and with a lot more sympathy when you express hurt privately than if you pass your own judgment via public listserv.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:32 PM on March 3, 2017 [23 favorites]
I live in an older urban neighborhood, with driveways, but with narrow-ass roads and densely-packed houses and it actually is super fucking annoying when someone's car takes up residence on the street for weeks at a time, and people actually have had (relatively polite) neighborhood disputes about it -- it is a through road with two-way traffic often narrowed to one car-width by street parkers, yes trucks need to get places, and the street is so narrow it can be hard to back out of your driveway if someone parks behind it. Me, I hate personal confrontation, so I steamed in silence for two years while my neighbor's teenager parked directly behind my driveway every day. But it was super aggravating. (Personally I'm waffling on whether the last bit was meant as a polite piece of information, badly-phrased, or whether it's rude snobbery.)
I would put your cars in the driveway on garbage day, and then not worry TOO much about parking on-street when you need to, although check to be sure you're not lining yourself up right across from someone's driveway or -- this makes people irrationally ragey -- parking in front of someone else's house.
I wouldn't post to the listserv; people will be taken aback by the callout. I would, instead, mention when chatting with a neighbor that you got an anonymous note in your mailbox and how hurtful it was, and let it spread organically and allow other people to make their own judgment that it was bad form. Which they will, and with a lot more sympathy when you express hurt privately than if you pass your own judgment via public listserv.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:32 PM on March 3, 2017 [23 favorites]
Assuming you own the place and are planning on living there for a while, there's a significant value in not escalating. Unless you're really sure this is the proverbial hill you want to die on, or have your relationship with your neighbors (perhaps multiple) die on, I'd tread carefully. Neighborhood disputes are typically not improved by letting your emotions (including feeling offended) drive your actions. Doubly true if the other people in question are retired and have an ample supply of free time and social connections with which to drive you completely insane, just for the hell of it.
posted by Kadin2048 at 11:48 PM on March 3, 2017 [16 favorites]
posted by Kadin2048 at 11:48 PM on March 3, 2017 [16 favorites]
My experience is more like Eyebrows McGee's comment, parking in my neighborhood is fraught for several reasons and there is nothing worse than an inconsiderate parker. Please note that the parking can be both legal and still be inconsiderate. I am not saying this is the case with the people in your household, but if it is possible that your household's parking is making it more difficult for trash removal or making it hard for other people to pull into or out of their own driveways you should park differently.
posted by crankylex at 12:32 AM on March 4, 2017 [21 favorites]
posted by crankylex at 12:32 AM on March 4, 2017 [21 favorites]
Yeah, do not mention the note, either on the listserv or to other people in person. I especially disagree about mentioning how hurtful it is, since even in this thread there is disagreement about whether it is a reasonably straightforward note vs. a passive-aggressive rude one. I would feel similarly affronted if I got a note like yours, but mentioning it to other people just calls attention to the whole matter, and I imagine you just want to put it to rest.
I personally would make an effort to park in the driveway on trash days and maybe a few other days a week, but I wouldn't spend every single evening doing Car Tetris in the driveway if it's going to be a hassle. If it's legal to park on the street, do so, and people should be okay with the fact that you're making a nod to neighborhood norms a few nights a week.
posted by delight at 12:34 AM on March 4, 2017 [7 favorites]
I personally would make an effort to park in the driveway on trash days and maybe a few other days a week, but I wouldn't spend every single evening doing Car Tetris in the driveway if it's going to be a hassle. If it's legal to park on the street, do so, and people should be okay with the fact that you're making a nod to neighborhood norms a few nights a week.
posted by delight at 12:34 AM on March 4, 2017 [7 favorites]
This is not the hill to die on. Park in the driveway.
Damage to your vehicle is not worth it. Citations by the city sanitation department are not worth it. Parking "legally" means nothing if they decide your vehicle is making their jobs harder.
Have the other neighbors heard something from the city sanitation department? Have they watched the trucks struggle to negotiate the street with cars blocking the road? Frustrating the garbage collection team on trash pickup days will not win any friends. You may need that social collateral later on.
As for "other people are doing it," maybe other neighbors are getting tired of weaving through the street and are working informally before taking this to city council for a ruling. No one wants their car scratched or dinged, and no one wants to swerve because of a child or animal darting into the road behind a parked car.
It may be "legal" but it may not be commonsense.
"Plus, this is not really the kind of neighborhood..." Yeah, that stings. But if neighborhood improvement is on the table, now is the time to make, or break, your local reputation.
The letter sounds like it was written by someone who hasn't taken the time to know you (ditto leaving it unsigned in case you get litigious / destructive). So, take the high road and show by your deeds that you are a good neighbor. Put the word out that the anonymous note was disturbing, but you are doing your part to clean up the area and improve home values.
Maybe next time the neighbors will feel comfortable with speaking with you in person and getting your input, as a valued member of the community.
posted by TrishaU at 12:52 AM on March 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
Damage to your vehicle is not worth it. Citations by the city sanitation department are not worth it. Parking "legally" means nothing if they decide your vehicle is making their jobs harder.
Have the other neighbors heard something from the city sanitation department? Have they watched the trucks struggle to negotiate the street with cars blocking the road? Frustrating the garbage collection team on trash pickup days will not win any friends. You may need that social collateral later on.
As for "other people are doing it," maybe other neighbors are getting tired of weaving through the street and are working informally before taking this to city council for a ruling. No one wants their car scratched or dinged, and no one wants to swerve because of a child or animal darting into the road behind a parked car.
It may be "legal" but it may not be commonsense.
"Plus, this is not really the kind of neighborhood..." Yeah, that stings. But if neighborhood improvement is on the table, now is the time to make, or break, your local reputation.
The letter sounds like it was written by someone who hasn't taken the time to know you (ditto leaving it unsigned in case you get litigious / destructive). So, take the high road and show by your deeds that you are a good neighbor. Put the word out that the anonymous note was disturbing, but you are doing your part to clean up the area and improve home values.
Maybe next time the neighbors will feel comfortable with speaking with you in person and getting your input, as a valued member of the community.
posted by TrishaU at 12:52 AM on March 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
Best answer: I thought it was kind of ok till I got to the "plus". It could have be worded better, like rtha mentions but yikes, this is not really the kind of neighborhood where people permanently park like this. Thank you..
Yeah, and a great big ol Thank You to you too.
I'd be miffed as well but maybe they were having a bad day or they have a horrible life and decided to lash out at you.
I think I'd get out of the way on garbage and recycling truck day and park wherever was convenient for me on the other days. Until someone who didn't have a giant stick up their butt came and spoke to me face to face with a reasonable argument anyway.
posted by BoscosMom at 12:54 AM on March 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
Yeah, and a great big ol Thank You to you too.
I'd be miffed as well but maybe they were having a bad day or they have a horrible life and decided to lash out at you.
I think I'd get out of the way on garbage and recycling truck day and park wherever was convenient for me on the other days. Until someone who didn't have a giant stick up their butt came and spoke to me face to face with a reasonable argument anyway.
posted by BoscosMom at 12:54 AM on March 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
Best answer: If it's a recent development they may be concerned about over-crowding. People are very touchy about their living environments and if they feel something is going awry it makes sense that the hyper-vigilant ones might freak out. This person seems to have a lot of time on their hands, I'm thinking elderly or stay-at-home. Someone who likes to stare out of their windows and 'keep an eye on things.' I have mixed feelings about these types. On the one hand, they'll keep an eye on your house and have the police there in a second if someone's breaking in lol, but on the other, they'll have an opinion about everything you're doing and not doing.
I'm a rules gal, I follow the written and unwritten rules of my environment because people who break the rules or do whatever they want really irk me. I've lived in a condominium so I know what it's like dealing with however many personalities under one roof. Some people would blatantly break rules and even state laws and it was so irritating when that happened. Like really, everything is uniform and written to keep things neat and tidy, just the way things should be in crowded areas, why be the rogue A hole. But this is a suburban neighborhood? That's totally different. If parking on the street is allowed in your neighborhood then it's not up to them, it's up to the city or the association, whoever has dominion. I certainly wouldn't lash out or write a bunch of notes, you'll seem like a drama queen and you will present like a very paranoid person.
This person should have spoken to you about their real concerns, if they were legitimate. If this is just a petty thing and they think you're making the neighborhood look less aesthetically pleasing, then they can take a hike if it's legal to park in the street. If it's an awkwardly shaped or narrow street and you really are causing the trash and recycling trucks to have to perform vehicular acrobatics then you should already be parking everyone in the driveway.
posted by Avosunspin at 1:17 AM on March 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
I'm a rules gal, I follow the written and unwritten rules of my environment because people who break the rules or do whatever they want really irk me. I've lived in a condominium so I know what it's like dealing with however many personalities under one roof. Some people would blatantly break rules and even state laws and it was so irritating when that happened. Like really, everything is uniform and written to keep things neat and tidy, just the way things should be in crowded areas, why be the rogue A hole. But this is a suburban neighborhood? That's totally different. If parking on the street is allowed in your neighborhood then it's not up to them, it's up to the city or the association, whoever has dominion. I certainly wouldn't lash out or write a bunch of notes, you'll seem like a drama queen and you will present like a very paranoid person.
This person should have spoken to you about their real concerns, if they were legitimate. If this is just a petty thing and they think you're making the neighborhood look less aesthetically pleasing, then they can take a hike if it's legal to park in the street. If it's an awkwardly shaped or narrow street and you really are causing the trash and recycling trucks to have to perform vehicular acrobatics then you should already be parking everyone in the driveway.
posted by Avosunspin at 1:17 AM on March 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
Keep in mind that the subtext is in your head. I see no passive-aggressiveness there; a bit of slight condescencion, at worst. You seem to be overreacting, but more importantly, you seem to be reacting in a way that is not constructive and will not do you any good.
I'd park in the driveway more often, especially on garbage day. And yes, streets do look nicer with less cars parked on them, and it's not nasty to say so.
It's not great that they did not sign the note, but hey, maybe you're more intimidating than you think.
posted by Too-Ticky at 2:38 AM on March 4, 2017 [12 favorites]
I'd park in the driveway more often, especially on garbage day. And yes, streets do look nicer with less cars parked on them, and it's not nasty to say so.
It's not great that they did not sign the note, but hey, maybe you're more intimidating than you think.
posted by Too-Ticky at 2:38 AM on March 4, 2017 [12 favorites]
I also take the first part as a friendly heads up. I'd make a resolution to park in the driveway when I could, without rearranging my whole life around that or parking cars blocks away or anything like that.
That last part was super-rude. I detect a note of "there goes the neighborhood" annoyance that other people are pointing out. By any chance is this an older family neighborhood and you're (exaggerating) six dudes sharing frat-house style, with eight cars? That's going to make you "bitch eating crackers" of the neighborhood no matter how nice and polite you are. I get a real strong "this isn't about the garbage trucks, we just hate you" vibe. (And by "we" I mean one self-appointed neighborhood busybody)
Garbage truck drivers are capable of leaving their own notes if they care that much.
posted by ctmf at 3:33 AM on March 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
That last part was super-rude. I detect a note of "there goes the neighborhood" annoyance that other people are pointing out. By any chance is this an older family neighborhood and you're (exaggerating) six dudes sharing frat-house style, with eight cars? That's going to make you "bitch eating crackers" of the neighborhood no matter how nice and polite you are. I get a real strong "this isn't about the garbage trucks, we just hate you" vibe. (And by "we" I mean one self-appointed neighborhood busybody)
Garbage truck drivers are capable of leaving their own notes if they care that much.
posted by ctmf at 3:33 AM on March 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
As a data point, I had to leave a note for someone in similar circumstances. I agonised over the phrasing but I still don't think there was any way to make it unambiguously friendly when it was going to be read by someone who would probably be annoyed that I was asking them to stop doing something.
What I did do is leave my name and phone number on the note though. Making it anonymous is the part that seems rude to me - other than that it seems pretty direct and clear, I don't really detect a passive aggressive tone.
Park in your drive on garbage day and move on. Anything you post to the listserv will just escalate this and at the end of the day, you have to live in the neighbourhood.
posted by crocomancer at 4:01 AM on March 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
What I did do is leave my name and phone number on the note though. Making it anonymous is the part that seems rude to me - other than that it seems pretty direct and clear, I don't really detect a passive aggressive tone.
Park in your drive on garbage day and move on. Anything you post to the listserv will just escalate this and at the end of the day, you have to live in the neighbourhood.
posted by crocomancer at 4:01 AM on March 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
Best answer: In general, I would assume anyone who is afraid to attach their name to a note like this (or simply deliver the message in person) is a busybody/passive-aggressive/petty jerk.
The tone was far more slanted toward "your actions are low-class and We Just Do Not Do That Sort of Thing Around Here" than a true heads-up about possible car damage. That alone would get my hackles up. I guess for me- there is a perfectly friendly, non-judgmental way they could have said what they wanted to say. But they chose the asshole way.
And because of that, I am not even sure the part about the sanitation trucks is even true. They may have thrown that in as a smoke screen to make the other part less nasty-sounding. Have you ever observed the trucks struggling yourself?
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 4:04 AM on March 4, 2017 [10 favorites]
The tone was far more slanted toward "your actions are low-class and We Just Do Not Do That Sort of Thing Around Here" than a true heads-up about possible car damage. That alone would get my hackles up. I guess for me- there is a perfectly friendly, non-judgmental way they could have said what they wanted to say. But they chose the asshole way.
And because of that, I am not even sure the part about the sanitation trucks is even true. They may have thrown that in as a smoke screen to make the other part less nasty-sounding. Have you ever observed the trucks struggling yourself?
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 4:04 AM on March 4, 2017 [10 favorites]
And because of that, I am not even sure the part about the sanitation trucks is even true. They may have thrown that in as a smoke screen to make the other part less nasty-sounding.
That was my read as well. It seems disingenuous for the same person who hates street parking because it's "not that kind of neighborhood" to be concern-trolling on behalf of the trash guys.
posted by mama casserole at 5:03 AM on March 4, 2017 [8 favorites]
That was my read as well. It seems disingenuous for the same person who hates street parking because it's "not that kind of neighborhood" to be concern-trolling on behalf of the trash guys.
posted by mama casserole at 5:03 AM on March 4, 2017 [8 favorites]
If you post anything to the listserv, perhaps a polite reminder that it is illegal to place non-mail items in other people's mailboxes?
posted by radwolf76 at 5:09 AM on March 4, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by radwolf76 at 5:09 AM on March 4, 2017 [6 favorites]
Your feelings are your feelings, and you have to own them, but it doesn't really matter whether the note was rude. It might have been written with snarkiness or with good intentions and the best the writer could bring (could they have done better? We all do the best we can with what we have).
To keep the world together, it's helpful if you behave as if it were written with good intentions. To keep yourself together, you can behave to yourself as it it were written with good intentions, but prepare yourself in case there's conflict later.
I think what you're really asking is whether the writer is an enemy. They're not until they prove otherwise.
posted by amtho at 5:24 AM on March 4, 2017 [14 favorites]
To keep the world together, it's helpful if you behave as if it were written with good intentions. To keep yourself together, you can behave to yourself as it it were written with good intentions, but prepare yourself in case there's conflict later.
I think what you're really asking is whether the writer is an enemy. They're not until they prove otherwise.
posted by amtho at 5:24 AM on March 4, 2017 [14 favorites]
Best answer: Come on, you guys, this is bullshit. If other people park on the street just fine without ticketing or getting clipped or whatever, the nasty and passive aggressive "plus" was the point of the note. It wasn't a thoughtless add on. The point was to make them feel less welcome, whether the writer acknowledges it or not.
This is why they didn't sign it. Nothing about this is neighborly.
I agree that I would sound out a few other people in the neighborhood. And then, because I am vindictive, I would figure out how best to annoy and shame the person who left the note. (Assuming I didn't discover that I'd moved into some terrifying unofficial HOA hellscape.)
posted by schadenfrau at 5:36 AM on March 4, 2017 [12 favorites]
This is why they didn't sign it. Nothing about this is neighborly.
I agree that I would sound out a few other people in the neighborhood. And then, because I am vindictive, I would figure out how best to annoy and shame the person who left the note. (Assuming I didn't discover that I'd moved into some terrifying unofficial HOA hellscape.)
posted by schadenfrau at 5:36 AM on March 4, 2017 [12 favorites]
Best answer: How do we know that the note was not left by the garbage truck?
posted by kevinbelt at 5:37 AM on March 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by kevinbelt at 5:37 AM on March 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
I absolutely read it as the second part of the note was the real thing thing they wanted to say and the garbage trucks part was the fake reason they used to try to not sound like a crazy asshole. Are you unable to park in the driveway because you often have a lot of guests coming over? Maybe it's really about that. Are you renters in a neighborhood where almost everyone else owns their homes?
I want to say that I love your pink flamingo idea and I really like imagining that the pink flamingos generate more passive-aggressive notes, and therefore more pink flamingos, and then even more notes, until you have entirely filled your yard and there is no more available space for future pink flamingos.
posted by eeek at 5:38 AM on March 4, 2017 [9 favorites]
I want to say that I love your pink flamingo idea and I really like imagining that the pink flamingos generate more passive-aggressive notes, and therefore more pink flamingos, and then even more notes, until you have entirely filled your yard and there is no more available space for future pink flamingos.
posted by eeek at 5:38 AM on March 4, 2017 [9 favorites]
How do we know that the note was not left by the garbage truck?
Because the sanitation workers are going to be concerned about the neighborhood streetscape aesthetics of just this particular neighborhood, while they almost certainly visit plenty of neighborhoods every day where street parking is the absolute norm? Come on. The garbage truck part was just concern-trolling BS. Whoever wrote the note has absolutely no clue about what a sanitation worker needs to be able to do their job, and again, they're doing the same job every single day in places where people park on the street all over the place.
posted by LionIndex at 5:56 AM on March 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
Because the sanitation workers are going to be concerned about the neighborhood streetscape aesthetics of just this particular neighborhood, while they almost certainly visit plenty of neighborhoods every day where street parking is the absolute norm? Come on. The garbage truck part was just concern-trolling BS. Whoever wrote the note has absolutely no clue about what a sanitation worker needs to be able to do their job, and again, they're doing the same job every single day in places where people park on the street all over the place.
posted by LionIndex at 5:56 AM on March 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
Ignore the note, don't post on the listserv. Someone is being a busybody and concern-trolling about the sanitation workers.
I spent a week riding along with sanitation workers, doing household inventories. They will have no compunction about calling in your car if it blocks them from doing their job, and you would get a ticket, not a nastygram from a neighbor.
In some neighborhoods, parking on the street overnight is illegal. In some HOAs (home owners associations), it is against the bylaws. If neither of these things are true, and if you are parking in front of your own house, and you are not blocking the mailbox, then your use is not atypical, unethical, immoral, or inconsiderate.
posted by muddgirl at 6:10 AM on March 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
I spent a week riding along with sanitation workers, doing household inventories. They will have no compunction about calling in your car if it blocks them from doing their job, and you would get a ticket, not a nastygram from a neighbor.
In some neighborhoods, parking on the street overnight is illegal. In some HOAs (home owners associations), it is against the bylaws. If neither of these things are true, and if you are parking in front of your own house, and you are not blocking the mailbox, then your use is not atypical, unethical, immoral, or inconsiderate.
posted by muddgirl at 6:10 AM on March 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
I am wondering whether the "kind of neighborhood " comment might have been motivated by more than just the cars in the street. Do you keep your grass mowed and plantings tidy? Any cracked windows or peeling paint on the house? Are the cars rustbuckets? If so, it's up to you whether to care that you're making the neighbors think "there goes the neighborhood," but I would have some sympathy for them, as un-ideal a communication vehicle as this note was.
posted by lakeroon at 6:34 AM on March 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by lakeroon at 6:34 AM on March 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
People are all different. We all have prominent memories and examples of "mean girl" behavior from actual humans we've met and from art and media. There are, however, people who are just terrible at communication. Lots and lots of them.
posted by amtho at 6:52 AM on March 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by amtho at 6:52 AM on March 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
If this note was actually about the trash trucks and not a snotty comment about the "kind of neighborhood" you live in, it would have just contained information about the trucks and probably would have included the author's name. As long as you're not doing anything illegal, I'd ignore it. If you want confirmation as to whether cars on the street make it harder for the truck drivers, check with them.
posted by corey flood at 7:24 AM on March 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by corey flood at 7:24 AM on March 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
bleep: " I mean I didn't know parking on the street was some kind of class signifier."
Boy howdy is it ever. Only people who are too poor to have sufficient driving shed space for their conveyances do something as declasse as parking on the street (or in a driveway).
TrishaU: "As for "other people are doing it," maybe other neighbors are getting tired of weaving through the street and are working informally before taking this to city council for a ruling. No one wants their car scratched or dinged, and no one wants to swerve because of a child or animal darting into the road behind a parked car."
A street where drivers have to weave between parked cars is safer for children and pedestrians because speed is necessarily reduced.
kevinbelt: "How do we know that the note was not left by the garbage truck?"
At minimum they would have identified themselves. Probably on something bearing the company/municipality letterhead.
posted by Mitheral at 7:37 AM on March 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
Boy howdy is it ever. Only people who are too poor to have sufficient driving shed space for their conveyances do something as declasse as parking on the street (or in a driveway).
TrishaU: "As for "other people are doing it," maybe other neighbors are getting tired of weaving through the street and are working informally before taking this to city council for a ruling. No one wants their car scratched or dinged, and no one wants to swerve because of a child or animal darting into the road behind a parked car."
A street where drivers have to weave between parked cars is safer for children and pedestrians because speed is necessarily reduced.
kevinbelt: "How do we know that the note was not left by the garbage truck?"
At minimum they would have identified themselves. Probably on something bearing the company/municipality letterhead.
posted by Mitheral at 7:37 AM on March 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
If the note leaver wants to live in the kind of rolled curbs no sidewalk suburban development with no street parking, they are welcome to move.
posted by ftm at 7:59 AM on March 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by ftm at 7:59 AM on March 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Lots of good points here from all sides. I think the note was fine right up until the "plus," which might well have been the point. You are not over-reacting.
If I were in your shoes I'd take the part that helps you (your car is interfering with the garbage trucks, which you hadn't realized until now), and park in the driveway as much as possible from now on. The sad part is that for every person who leaves a note like this, there are probably at least a couple of others who have noticed the problem and wondered what to do. Some of them could be genuinely concerned about access and about your car, and there's no point risking annoying them or getting your car wrecked just because you didn't like the way the message was delivered (which, for the record, I wouldn't have either).
Then I'd respond to the rest with similar smiling passive-aggressiveness, by posting a photo of the note on the Listserv along the lines of "thanks to whomever left this kind note for us, letting us know we were causing a problem for the garbage pickup. We'll make every effort to have our car out of the way from now on (note that you are not specifying whether or not that means parking in the driveway, part of the time or all of the time etc.). Also, please feel free to come by and introduce yourself so that we can thank you for your advice--we're very friendly, honest!"
Trust me, if you don't know who the note-writer is, other people on that Listserv will. And most of them won't like the "plus" part, either. I doubt you will receive any more notes after this one.
posted by rpfields at 8:33 AM on March 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
If I were in your shoes I'd take the part that helps you (your car is interfering with the garbage trucks, which you hadn't realized until now), and park in the driveway as much as possible from now on. The sad part is that for every person who leaves a note like this, there are probably at least a couple of others who have noticed the problem and wondered what to do. Some of them could be genuinely concerned about access and about your car, and there's no point risking annoying them or getting your car wrecked just because you didn't like the way the message was delivered (which, for the record, I wouldn't have either).
Then I'd respond to the rest with similar smiling passive-aggressiveness, by posting a photo of the note on the Listserv along the lines of "thanks to whomever left this kind note for us, letting us know we were causing a problem for the garbage pickup. We'll make every effort to have our car out of the way from now on (note that you are not specifying whether or not that means parking in the driveway, part of the time or all of the time etc.). Also, please feel free to come by and introduce yourself so that we can thank you for your advice--we're very friendly, honest!"
Trust me, if you don't know who the note-writer is, other people on that Listserv will. And most of them won't like the "plus" part, either. I doubt you will receive any more notes after this one.
posted by rpfields at 8:33 AM on March 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
Eh. The street area is a shared resource. Your driveway is your own private resource. The note writer is miffed that you are imposing on shared resources without having exhausted your private resources. That's mildly jerkish, as is the wording of the note.
As you have already resolved to do, park in your driveway and get in with your life.
posted by Liesl at 8:54 AM on March 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
As you have already resolved to do, park in your driveway and get in with your life.
posted by Liesl at 8:54 AM on March 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
If you do park in your driveway, make sure not to block the bit of your driveway that is also the footpath.
(Most driveways go house/yard bit -> footpath bit -> road. If you block the footpath bit of your driveway, wheelchair users have to go out onto busy roads to get around you, and it's dangerous and annoying.)
Make sure you leave a 90cm-wide gap on the foothpath for wheelchair users, prams, and other pedestrians.
posted by Sockpuppets 'R' Us at 9:05 AM on March 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
(Most driveways go house/yard bit -> footpath bit -> road. If you block the footpath bit of your driveway, wheelchair users have to go out onto busy roads to get around you, and it's dangerous and annoying.)
Make sure you leave a 90cm-wide gap on the foothpath for wheelchair users, prams, and other pedestrians.
posted by Sockpuppets 'R' Us at 9:05 AM on March 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
1. Consider that the stuff after the "plus" might have been written by an elderly lady raised in different times. People's ideas of what type of wording is polite or acceptable can vary.
2. Even if the note was rude, that doesn't make them wrong and doesn't mean you can be a jerk about it. Clearly at least one neighbor is concerned about your parking, maybe more are too. If you escalate or persist simply out of obstinance, YOU are being the bad guy. I agree with your conclusion to park in the driveway, at least most of the time.
3. If you're confused, approach some neighbors openly and friendly and ask them about neighborhood parking norms, making it clear you don't want to be the one asshole neighbor the whole street hates, and just feel out what the general conventions on your street are.
posted by bluesky78987 at 9:10 AM on March 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
2. Even if the note was rude, that doesn't make them wrong and doesn't mean you can be a jerk about it. Clearly at least one neighbor is concerned about your parking, maybe more are too. If you escalate or persist simply out of obstinance, YOU are being the bad guy. I agree with your conclusion to park in the driveway, at least most of the time.
3. If you're confused, approach some neighbors openly and friendly and ask them about neighborhood parking norms, making it clear you don't want to be the one asshole neighbor the whole street hates, and just feel out what the general conventions on your street are.
posted by bluesky78987 at 9:10 AM on March 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
The mention of the type of neighbourhood and your No. 5 here make me wonder if you are not noticing the community's usual use of the street.
I am also surrounded by families and retirees, and on-street parking is so rare as to be noticeable. Ah, Evelyn's grandchildren are visiting again. Looks like they're having a party there. Etc. This is a rural village with a surprising amount of tolerance, not a snooty suburb, but the nature of the neighbourhood makes it nearly impossible to not notice things. I know when my nearest neighbours have houseguests, and with a few of them I know who the guests are because I recognise the cars. This has taken a lot of getting used to -- ten years ago I lived right in the centre of the downtown and could not have told you who my neighbours were, let alone what transportation habits they had.
So, anyway. The one time someone somewhat inexplicably parked right across the street from my driveway, and I was tired and backing out a car I'd had for two weeks that was, it turned out, quite a lot larger than my old car, I bumped them. This was stupid of me, yes, but in my mind there wasn't supposed to be a car there because there is never a car there. I was weirdly mildly oblivious to it. (That was the last time in my life I ever drove on too little sleep...)
And then we had an accident where some POS who lets their two large dogs run loose regularly had one chasing my young daughter and her friend while they were on their bikes at dusk. Someone had parked in the street, the dog was being a POS, and my kid had to make a quick decision between crashing into a car or a living thing, and took out a tail light and needed a fair amount of bandaging up.
Which is obviously not the fault of the street-parker. The point of the anecdote is that sometimes expecting people to not park on the street is just that and no more. I've seen loads of little kids on wheeled whatnot briefly flummoxed by the rare on-street car; they're trying to stick to the edge of the street like their parent told them, they're used to this street so they haven't really sorted out how to safely pass a parked car. Nobody is about to complain at the on-street cars; we all know they are just visiting. But if a resident had the space and parked in the street I think there would be a little "but I/my kid bike there" and "but that blocks me off from those lovely lilac bushes on my nightly stroll" and so on. The street is not a roadway so much as it is a shared recreational area. Anyway, just wondering if there's a similar status quo for yours. Q: in summer, do people make use of their front yards, and do the people publicly having drinks in the gazebo wave to the people out for a stroll (of whom there are many) and keep a communal eye on the kids out playing? If yes I'd vote that you have a shared paved recreational area only incidentally used for cars rather than a roadway in the usual sense...
posted by kmennie at 9:59 AM on March 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
I am also surrounded by families and retirees, and on-street parking is so rare as to be noticeable. Ah, Evelyn's grandchildren are visiting again. Looks like they're having a party there. Etc. This is a rural village with a surprising amount of tolerance, not a snooty suburb, but the nature of the neighbourhood makes it nearly impossible to not notice things. I know when my nearest neighbours have houseguests, and with a few of them I know who the guests are because I recognise the cars. This has taken a lot of getting used to -- ten years ago I lived right in the centre of the downtown and could not have told you who my neighbours were, let alone what transportation habits they had.
So, anyway. The one time someone somewhat inexplicably parked right across the street from my driveway, and I was tired and backing out a car I'd had for two weeks that was, it turned out, quite a lot larger than my old car, I bumped them. This was stupid of me, yes, but in my mind there wasn't supposed to be a car there because there is never a car there. I was weirdly mildly oblivious to it. (That was the last time in my life I ever drove on too little sleep...)
And then we had an accident where some POS who lets their two large dogs run loose regularly had one chasing my young daughter and her friend while they were on their bikes at dusk. Someone had parked in the street, the dog was being a POS, and my kid had to make a quick decision between crashing into a car or a living thing, and took out a tail light and needed a fair amount of bandaging up.
Which is obviously not the fault of the street-parker. The point of the anecdote is that sometimes expecting people to not park on the street is just that and no more. I've seen loads of little kids on wheeled whatnot briefly flummoxed by the rare on-street car; they're trying to stick to the edge of the street like their parent told them, they're used to this street so they haven't really sorted out how to safely pass a parked car. Nobody is about to complain at the on-street cars; we all know they are just visiting. But if a resident had the space and parked in the street I think there would be a little "but I/my kid bike there" and "but that blocks me off from those lovely lilac bushes on my nightly stroll" and so on. The street is not a roadway so much as it is a shared recreational area. Anyway, just wondering if there's a similar status quo for yours. Q: in summer, do people make use of their front yards, and do the people publicly having drinks in the gazebo wave to the people out for a stroll (of whom there are many) and keep a communal eye on the kids out playing? If yes I'd vote that you have a shared paved recreational area only incidentally used for cars rather than a roadway in the usual sense...
posted by kmennie at 9:59 AM on March 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
Another vote for ignoring it, first of all. Regardless of intent, hoping for the best and not escalating are almost always good strategies around conflict. EVERY neighborhood has its busybodies, and whether this note comes from one or not, it's a constant factor that you cannot really fix.
I'm going to say that in the absence of any other evidence, I wouldn't assume a PA tone or snootiness. "The kind of neighborhood" reference could simply refer to the fact that in some areas street parking is pretty much necessary (small lots, short driveways or even no driveways, two story apartments or townhouses) and other areas it's really not (1/4 acre lots, one story detached housing, i.e. typical suburbia).
As for the practical considerations of their giving you the note when others are parked on the street:
- they may have written a note to everyone.
- your particular lot/curb may be in a particularly awkward spot due to where intersections meet, bends in the road, etc.
posted by randomkeystrike at 10:02 AM on March 4, 2017
I'm going to say that in the absence of any other evidence, I wouldn't assume a PA tone or snootiness. "The kind of neighborhood" reference could simply refer to the fact that in some areas street parking is pretty much necessary (small lots, short driveways or even no driveways, two story apartments or townhouses) and other areas it's really not (1/4 acre lots, one story detached housing, i.e. typical suburbia).
As for the practical considerations of their giving you the note when others are parked on the street:
- they may have written a note to everyone.
- your particular lot/curb may be in a particularly awkward spot due to where intersections meet, bends in the road, etc.
posted by randomkeystrike at 10:02 AM on March 4, 2017
You're not overreacting at all imo. Note writer is a busybody who's also a coward and has found a new thing to watch and gripe about to them-self and any poor soul who lives with them or is forced to listen to them.
Ignore it 100%, don't not change your parking habits assuming you're parking legally. Actually I'd make an effort to park in the road even more but I get super bitchy when faced with passive-aggression. And I tend to be a worrier about if anything I'm doing inconveniences others. This kind of shit deserves zero fucks given due to the anonymity and the snotty tone. (I'd also want to put a camera facing the road where I leave my car in case shit escalates). Def. mention it to neighbors when you can, and gauge responses in light of the note.
The neighborhood list serve idea is okay if it's a fairly heavily used list in the area. Be sure to put a pic of the note itself if you go that route. I'm loling at the memory of the trashiest neighbors ever who told the wonderful folks next door to please not park in front of their own house, hubby likes to park under your tree so his piece of shit heap is nice and cool when he gets in it. They never did ask permission to climb the utility pole and steal their cable though. But at least the lady had the nerve to ask them to their faces, not with a shitty anonymous note.
posted by RichardHenryYarbo at 10:41 AM on March 4, 2017
Ignore it 100%, don't not change your parking habits assuming you're parking legally. Actually I'd make an effort to park in the road even more but I get super bitchy when faced with passive-aggression. And I tend to be a worrier about if anything I'm doing inconveniences others. This kind of shit deserves zero fucks given due to the anonymity and the snotty tone. (I'd also want to put a camera facing the road where I leave my car in case shit escalates). Def. mention it to neighbors when you can, and gauge responses in light of the note.
The neighborhood list serve idea is okay if it's a fairly heavily used list in the area. Be sure to put a pic of the note itself if you go that route. I'm loling at the memory of the trashiest neighbors ever who told the wonderful folks next door to please not park in front of their own house, hubby likes to park under your tree so his piece of shit heap is nice and cool when he gets in it. They never did ask permission to climb the utility pole and steal their cable though. But at least the lady had the nerve to ask them to their faces, not with a shitty anonymous note.
posted by RichardHenryYarbo at 10:41 AM on March 4, 2017
Huh, I'm in the minority but I don't think it's rude at all, especially if you have been living there less than a year. I would think "oh, ok, I didn't realize the community norms" and park in the driveway unless it's an undue burden. You don't know that they're singling you out; maybe other street-parkers have gotten similar letters and just decided to ignore the note
If you've been living there more than a year, it's weird and I would post something to the list serv like "I park on the street overnight; is there an ordinance or law that I was not aware of? otherwise i'll continue to do so because [it's convenient, my driveway is very small, etc]" Be aware that by being petty you're making a permanent enemy and they'll pick on your lawn upkeep or something next.
(what is meant by "permanently parked"? is the car out there for days at a time? that probably IS illegal; we're not allowed to have them in one spot for over 24 hours.)
posted by AFABulous at 1:42 PM on March 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
If you've been living there more than a year, it's weird and I would post something to the list serv like "I park on the street overnight; is there an ordinance or law that I was not aware of? otherwise i'll continue to do so because [it's convenient, my driveway is very small, etc]" Be aware that by being petty you're making a permanent enemy and they'll pick on your lawn upkeep or something next.
(what is meant by "permanently parked"? is the car out there for days at a time? that probably IS illegal; we're not allowed to have them in one spot for over 24 hours.)
posted by AFABulous at 1:42 PM on March 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
Ignore the note and park in the driveway on garbage days. Sounds like one of your neighbors has too much time on their hands. Let them have the last word and don't mention it to anyone.
posted by pintapicasso at 3:27 PM on March 4, 2017
posted by pintapicasso at 3:27 PM on March 4, 2017
It's reasonable to read this note as implying that you've done a 1) tacky and 2) inconveniencing thing -- which in both cases, I believe you have, though my opinion doesn't matter -- and is trying to let you know so you can correct yourself without further embarrassing yourself (which the writer is giving you the benefit of the doubt in believing would be the case) or inconveniencing others. Personally, if I transgressed a norm and got such a note, I'd be relieved that the person didn't sign the note so I wouldn't be embarrassed every time I saw them.
My only issue is that this person violated USPS regulations by putting a note in your mailbox. Other than that, I believe they're right, and did so politely. Parking on the street is for visitors; in general, parking on the street is an inconvenience for people wanting to back out of their driveways, pull into other driveways, drive down the street, or ride their bikes in the street. The narrower the street, the more of an inconvenience it is. [Also, anecdotally, parking on the street overnight invites crime.] Unless your street can accommodate four cars abreast, parking in the street ALL THE TIME is bad for the neighborhood.
It didn't occur to me that it was a class signifier but a matter of simple manners, like not leaving your personal items in the community lounge or kitchen of a dorm or office. But the very notion of permanently parking your car in the street instead of your driveway seems rude to me, like manspreading (though without the gender-based assumptions) and the note-leaver's response seems non-confrontational and polite.
First, this person is telling you what the neighborhood norms are and how, by going against those norms, you are inconveniencing others. Second, they're not saying "people like you shouldn't live there" but that your behavior doesn't match the agreed-upon social behavior of the people that have historically lived and currently live there, and yes, they're making a judgment about your behavior, but the behavior is based in considering everyone else's needs along with and possibly before your own. They're inviting you to join these neighborhood norms.
These nuclear families and retirees likely own their homes; they are concerned for the value of their properties and the safety and ease of their neighborhood. It's not clear whether yours is a sublet, a group home, a bunch of students, etc., perhaps with more car-driving adults living in the house than might be the norm, but they're not saying, "don't live here" or "don't let your freak flag fly," but merely, "don't screw over the rest of us because you either don't know or don't care."
The words, per se, are polite; I don't find the tone condescending, but instructional. Someone who knows the neighborhood better (and likely longer) is cluing you in; if you don't like the idea that other people can judge you for inconveniencing them, well, I don't know what to tell you.
Finally, I suspect the lack of a signature represents a fear that if you don't care enough to follow community norms for parking, maybe you'll retaliate against someone who tells you about them. That's passive, but not passive-aggressive. If they said, "Oh, no, you're fine" and then called the cops on you for every infraction, that would be passive-aggressive.
My two cents: we live on the planet with other people. Someone saying that this note makes them want to "fuck up their platonic ideal streetscape" makes me depressed. Shouldn't we all want to be better neighbors?
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 3:32 PM on March 4, 2017 [12 favorites]
My only issue is that this person violated USPS regulations by putting a note in your mailbox. Other than that, I believe they're right, and did so politely. Parking on the street is for visitors; in general, parking on the street is an inconvenience for people wanting to back out of their driveways, pull into other driveways, drive down the street, or ride their bikes in the street. The narrower the street, the more of an inconvenience it is. [Also, anecdotally, parking on the street overnight invites crime.] Unless your street can accommodate four cars abreast, parking in the street ALL THE TIME is bad for the neighborhood.
It didn't occur to me that it was a class signifier but a matter of simple manners, like not leaving your personal items in the community lounge or kitchen of a dorm or office. But the very notion of permanently parking your car in the street instead of your driveway seems rude to me, like manspreading (though without the gender-based assumptions) and the note-leaver's response seems non-confrontational and polite.
First, this person is telling you what the neighborhood norms are and how, by going against those norms, you are inconveniencing others. Second, they're not saying "people like you shouldn't live there" but that your behavior doesn't match the agreed-upon social behavior of the people that have historically lived and currently live there, and yes, they're making a judgment about your behavior, but the behavior is based in considering everyone else's needs along with and possibly before your own. They're inviting you to join these neighborhood norms.
These nuclear families and retirees likely own their homes; they are concerned for the value of their properties and the safety and ease of their neighborhood. It's not clear whether yours is a sublet, a group home, a bunch of students, etc., perhaps with more car-driving adults living in the house than might be the norm, but they're not saying, "don't live here" or "don't let your freak flag fly," but merely, "don't screw over the rest of us because you either don't know or don't care."
The words, per se, are polite; I don't find the tone condescending, but instructional. Someone who knows the neighborhood better (and likely longer) is cluing you in; if you don't like the idea that other people can judge you for inconveniencing them, well, I don't know what to tell you.
Finally, I suspect the lack of a signature represents a fear that if you don't care enough to follow community norms for parking, maybe you'll retaliate against someone who tells you about them. That's passive, but not passive-aggressive. If they said, "Oh, no, you're fine" and then called the cops on you for every infraction, that would be passive-aggressive.
My two cents: we live on the planet with other people. Someone saying that this note makes them want to "fuck up their platonic ideal streetscape" makes me depressed. Shouldn't we all want to be better neighbors?
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 3:32 PM on March 4, 2017 [12 favorites]
I suspect the lack of a signature represents a fear that if you don't care enough to follow community norms for parking, maybe you'll retaliate against someone who tells you about them
Because it's such a short leap from parking on the street where parking on the street is permitted, to violence against neighbors. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if our asker is a serial killer.
posted by ftm at 3:56 PM on March 4, 2017 [6 favorites]
Because it's such a short leap from parking on the street where parking on the street is permitted, to violence against neighbors. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if our asker is a serial killer.
posted by ftm at 3:56 PM on March 4, 2017 [6 favorites]
> But the very notion of permanently parking your car in the street instead of your driveway seems rude to me
Maybe it's just because I've lived in cities nearly all my life, but parking in the street is...totally normal . That's where most cars live! In most places I've lived. The OP says they're not the only ones who park in the street, so the practice of not doing so seems to not be as norm-y as the note-leaving neighbor wants.
posted by rtha at 4:06 PM on March 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
Maybe it's just because I've lived in cities nearly all my life, but parking in the street is...totally normal . That's where most cars live! In most places I've lived. The OP says they're not the only ones who park in the street, so the practice of not doing so seems to not be as norm-y as the note-leaving neighbor wants.
posted by rtha at 4:06 PM on March 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
Best answer: UPDATE! for all you lovely people.
I greatly appreciate everyone's opinions. I love how different they all are! It's fascinating getting so many perspectives. I DID end up posting on the list-serve but I was very VERY polite about it. "Thank you for letting us know....we will be sure not to park there anymore...etc. etc." I'm glad I did because the neighbor across the street replied that she received a nastygram too. She said she watched as the trash collector put it in her mailbox. How bizarre!
posted by unicornologist at 4:46 PM on March 4, 2017 [19 favorites]
I greatly appreciate everyone's opinions. I love how different they all are! It's fascinating getting so many perspectives. I DID end up posting on the list-serve but I was very VERY polite about it. "Thank you for letting us know....we will be sure not to park there anymore...etc. etc." I'm glad I did because the neighbor across the street replied that she received a nastygram too. She said she watched as the trash collector put it in her mailbox. How bizarre!
posted by unicornologist at 4:46 PM on March 4, 2017 [19 favorites]
That's crazy (and cute). What a big reveal! I'm so relieved that your neighbors are nice after all. Hooray!
posted by benadryl at 4:54 PM on March 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by benadryl at 4:54 PM on March 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
Wait so it was the trash collector? I posted that only half-seriously.
posted by kevinbelt at 6:01 PM on March 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by kevinbelt at 6:01 PM on March 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
OMG the whole time it was a plot by your trash collector to sow discontent in the neighborhood!
posted by skewed at 8:16 PM on March 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by skewed at 8:16 PM on March 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
Whaaaaat?!
So glad I Mrs Kravitz-ed this AskMe to the end!
posted by thebrokedown at 9:42 PM on March 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
So glad I Mrs Kravitz-ed this AskMe to the end!
posted by thebrokedown at 9:42 PM on March 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
(PS. Your across-the-street neighbor is the culprit.)
posted by thebrokedown at 9:44 PM on March 4, 2017 [13 favorites]
posted by thebrokedown at 9:44 PM on March 4, 2017 [13 favorites]
Wow, I did NOT see that one coming! How bizarre, why wouldn't the trash collector ask directly and put their name on it?!
posted by Jubey at 12:57 AM on March 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Jubey at 12:57 AM on March 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
On re-reading, the trash collector leaving the note seems legit, due to the "it is difficult" to back down the street phrasing.
posted by jferg at 9:43 AM on March 5, 2017
posted by jferg at 9:43 AM on March 5, 2017
There are two possibilities. No one on the internet can tell you which is true:
1. The trash collector left it. They did not sign their name or use letterhead as it was not a company approved message. They very inappropriately made comments about the nature of your neighborhood, rather than making a simple, direct request. They intentionally wrote the message in a way that would make you think a neighbor had written it.
2. Your neighbor is lying.
My next step would be to ask the trash collector if they left the note and take it from there.
And if it WAS the trash collector, I would remind myself that I pay for a service, and the service people do not get to tell me where I can legally park my car. If they damage my car, it is because they are not doing their jobs. Their request isn't because it is impossible for them to do their work with cars on the street, it is for their convenience. They know this, which explains the nature of their note.
I would also start pointing a security camera at my car on trash days, so you know who to send your insurance company after.
posted by danny the boy at 10:13 AM on March 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
1. The trash collector left it. They did not sign their name or use letterhead as it was not a company approved message. They very inappropriately made comments about the nature of your neighborhood, rather than making a simple, direct request. They intentionally wrote the message in a way that would make you think a neighbor had written it.
2. Your neighbor is lying.
My next step would be to ask the trash collector if they left the note and take it from there.
And if it WAS the trash collector, I would remind myself that I pay for a service, and the service people do not get to tell me where I can legally park my car. If they damage my car, it is because they are not doing their jobs. Their request isn't because it is impossible for them to do their work with cars on the street, it is for their convenience. They know this, which explains the nature of their note.
I would also start pointing a security camera at my car on trash days, so you know who to send your insurance company after.
posted by danny the boy at 10:13 AM on March 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
BTW if the trash collector had left a nice note, with a direct request and explanation that was signed, I would have parked my cars in the driveway on trash day.
posted by danny the boy at 10:15 AM on March 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by danny the boy at 10:15 AM on March 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Of course it's the neighbor. Here's how you prove it: drop by and ask to see their note, say you want to take a picture of it because you're going to file a complaint with the trash company for the sanitation worker's inappropriate behavior. Watch the neighbor squirm.
posted by medusa at 2:24 PM on March 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by medusa at 2:24 PM on March 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
I don't recommend you get involved in whatever complicated drama is going on here. Make life a little easier for the trash collectors if you can and forget about the rest of it.
posted by bleep at 11:12 PM on March 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by bleep at 11:12 PM on March 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Thank you for being the type of wonderful person who decides to park in the driveway! I am the mother of two small children and the street we live on is 60's terraced housing and each house has a spot in front of it. And the unspoken social code is that you park your car outside your house. There is one person who lives in some apartments around the corner who parked in front of our house and I can't tell you how inconvenienced I was to get the kids into the car that next morning. I'm afraid to talk or leave a note for this person because the general attitude here seems to line up with the majority of the answers "screw you, I'm allowed to park on a public street in front of your house, deal with it" and who knows how this person would react. It's nice to know you just went with it and respected the neighborhood.
posted by catspajammies at 2:18 AM on March 6, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by catspajammies at 2:18 AM on March 6, 2017 [3 favorites]
And the unspoken social code is that you park your car outside your house.
This is our house too. Except that I do leave notes on the cars, when I cannot identify who owns the car (renters who tend to turn over a lot). I've been known to knock on doors when I can identify repeat offenders, usually with my baby on my hip - "hi, we noticed that you tend to park in front of our house and it's a real pain for us trying to get in and out of the house with the baby and all of the gear and whatever groceries, etc without having walk halfway round the block to our car. Could you please not park in front of our house? Thanks."
I know I'm being seen by some as the self-appointed parking etiquette police but I don't give an eff. During these conversations some of our neighbors have expressed exasperation at their other neighbors parking in front of their house, forcing them to park in front of ours, to which I always say "then you need to go talk to your neighbors". People don't know they're irritating you until you tell them. It's possible to tell them politely.
posted by vignettist at 9:20 AM on March 7, 2017 [1 favorite]
This is our house too. Except that I do leave notes on the cars, when I cannot identify who owns the car (renters who tend to turn over a lot). I've been known to knock on doors when I can identify repeat offenders, usually with my baby on my hip - "hi, we noticed that you tend to park in front of our house and it's a real pain for us trying to get in and out of the house with the baby and all of the gear and whatever groceries, etc without having walk halfway round the block to our car. Could you please not park in front of our house? Thanks."
I know I'm being seen by some as the self-appointed parking etiquette police but I don't give an eff. During these conversations some of our neighbors have expressed exasperation at their other neighbors parking in front of their house, forcing them to park in front of ours, to which I always say "then you need to go talk to your neighbors". People don't know they're irritating you until you tell them. It's possible to tell them politely.
posted by vignettist at 9:20 AM on March 7, 2017 [1 favorite]
Moralizing something of value in place of offering a fair deal is a classic capitalist move. Why don't those renters just buy their own houses and park in front of them, anyway? That's the point of the anonymous letter, to moralize while avoiding negotiation.
Mefites, people aren't parking in front of your house to irritate you, it's just the most convenient thing for them for whatever reason. The fair-minded thing to do is to bring some kind of offering with you when you make your ask, like cookies or something that signals that you are asking for something of value and are prepared to offer something of value in return. And be prepared to negotiate if that isn't enough value.
(The classic capitalist move here of course is to get some new laws passed to protect your entrenched capital interests. Maybe you can get some new parking regulations written, or just get those nasty renters zoned out of your neighborhood! Local officials are surely standing by their phones-parking tickets and building permits are a great revenue stream and it never hurts to have local capital on your side at reelection time)
posted by Kwine at 3:13 PM on March 8, 2017
Mefites, people aren't parking in front of your house to irritate you, it's just the most convenient thing for them for whatever reason. The fair-minded thing to do is to bring some kind of offering with you when you make your ask, like cookies or something that signals that you are asking for something of value and are prepared to offer something of value in return. And be prepared to negotiate if that isn't enough value.
(The classic capitalist move here of course is to get some new laws passed to protect your entrenched capital interests. Maybe you can get some new parking regulations written, or just get those nasty renters zoned out of your neighborhood! Local officials are surely standing by their phones-parking tickets and building permits are a great revenue stream and it never hurts to have local capital on your side at reelection time)
posted by Kwine at 3:13 PM on March 8, 2017
I am honestly wondering how on earth people parking on the street is inconveniencing people from getting into their cars and getting out of their driveway. There is always a car parked on one side of my driveway and another big tree/shrub hanging over the other side and?? it does not hinder my putting stuff into the car nor driving out of the driveway (although: I front park out, so I just drive out, instead of reverse...)
My house has several people in it and so we all have to either play shuffle-the-car in the driveway or just park on the road. Nobody's ever said anything about our parking around the place including in front of their house on "their" patch of road.
Now another house, neighbours were parking on our green area -- that DID make us tell them to park somewhere else, because -- just, no.
Street parking is for everybody.
posted by owlrigh at 6:55 PM on March 10, 2017
My house has several people in it and so we all have to either play shuffle-the-car in the driveway or just park on the road. Nobody's ever said anything about our parking around the place including in front of their house on "their" patch of road.
Now another house, neighbours were parking on our green area -- that DID make us tell them to park somewhere else, because -- just, no.
Street parking is for everybody.
posted by owlrigh at 6:55 PM on March 10, 2017
« Older These are the symptoms. What is the disease? | What's the coolest men's undershirt for hot... Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by janell at 10:10 PM on March 3, 2017 [23 favorites]