Literature on verbal and emotional abuse in romantic relationships

February 21, 2016 3:27 PM

Looking for fiction, lyric essays, poetry, or theoretical texts that discuss emotional and verbal abuse in romantic relationships. Interested in both fiction and non-fiction, but not interested in self-help, psychology, life coach-y type lit, nor YA novels.

I've been a bit frustrated searching online as the most common result I get are self-help or YA books, and I'm looking for more creative non-fiction or fiction that deals with the intricacies of emotional/verbal abuse and its aftermath. Interested in the perspectives of the abused, abuser, or people close to either. I'm especially interested in discussions of forms of abuse that never become physical.

Any leads are greatly appreciated, thanks MeFites!

posted by hollypolly to Writing & Language (24 answers total)

I just finished reading Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty, which has a very sympathetic but detailed plotline about emotional and physical abuse within a marriage.
posted by Owl of Athena at 3:32 PM on February 21, 2016 [2 favorites]

Okay, this is kind of an unusual way to answer this, but if you watch the Lizzie Bennet Diaries, particularly the later videos involving Lydia and her new boyfriend George (ESPECIALLY her last video, "Good Enough"), you'll see an interesting progression of how things are getting progressively but subtly worse for her even though you can't exactly put your finger on it.
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:53 PM on February 21, 2016 [2 favorites]

The Bonds of Love by Jessica Benjamin is an older book, but may be worth reading. I'm not sure if it's direct enough in addressing your subject. It's about domination in romantic relationship.
posted by frumiousb at 3:55 PM on February 21, 2016

There is a significant section of Kate Atkinson's novel Life After Life in which the protagonist is in an abusive relationship. It's very well written and quite harrowing.

In case you aren't familiar with the novel's conceit--it details several different paths the protagonist's life could have taken. So we see one version of her life where she is in this abusive relationship, and others where she is not. It's very well written and I recommend it, but it's probably good for you to know the novel's context.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 3:57 PM on February 21, 2016 [1 favorite]

Dorothy Whipple's They Were Sisters includes a careful and detailed portrait of an abusive marriage, from its inception onwards, looked at from the point of view of both abuser and abused as well as affected third parties (siblings, children). It's a bit old-fashioned in some ways, but the portrait of the abusive marriage rang true to me. There's also Othello; "poetry about abuse" captures one dimension of the play very well.
posted by Aravis76 at 3:58 PM on February 21, 2016

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers
The Last Picture Show by Larry McMurtry
posted by veery at 4:00 PM on February 21, 2016 [3 favorites]

The Taking of the Shrew.

Also Sea Wolf by Jack London
posted by SemiSalt at 4:14 PM on February 21, 2016

Ethan Frome
posted by invisible ink at 4:47 PM on February 21, 2016 [3 favorites]

Susan Glaspell's short story "A Jury of Her Peers" looks at the aftermath of an abusive relationship. The story is an adaptation of her earlier play "Trifles," based on a real murder case that Glaspell covered as a journalist.

Marge Piercy's poem "The Friend" is short but encapsulates an emotionally abusive relationship.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 5:21 PM on February 21, 2016 [1 favorite]

MonsterIs a stunning portrait of a Aileen Wuronos' descent into hell as a marginalized woman. Also, Boys Don't Cry--the power dynamics and violent scenes in both of these movies are not glamorized and very difficult to watch. Extraordinary acting by Charlize Theron and Hilary Swank.
posted by effluvia at 5:54 PM on February 21, 2016

Leonard Michael's "autobiographical novel," Sylvia, captures the subtle intertwinedness of an emotionally abusive relationship with plain, but compelling language.
posted by baseballpajamas at 5:58 PM on February 21, 2016

Jo Walton's My Real Children is about two possible stories of a woman's life, one where she marries an abusive partner and one where she's luckier in love.
posted by thesmallmachine at 6:00 PM on February 21, 2016

Seconding Life After Life. That section is almost as harrowing as the section where she's actually digging bodies out of the rubble during the Blitz.

The Portrait of a Lady has a terrifying account of the heroine's descent into an emotionally abusive marriage:

It had come gradually--it was not till the first year of their life together, so admirably intimate at first, had closed that she had taken the alarm. Then the shadows had begun to gather; it was as if Osmond deliberately, almost malignantly, had put the lights out one by one. The dusk at first was vague and thin, and she could still see her way in it. But it steadily deepened, and if now and again it had occasionally lifted there were certain corners of her prospect that were impenetrably black. These shadows were not an emanation from her own mind: she was very sure of that; she had done her best to be just and temperate, to see only the truth. They were a part, they were a kind of creation and consequence, of her husband's very presence. They were not his misdeeds, his turpitudes; she accused him of nothing--that is but of one thing, which was NOT a crime. She knew of no wrong he had done; he was not violent, he was not cruel: she simply believed he hated her.

Another example is Halldor Laxness's Independent People, in which a brutal life makes for a brutal father.
posted by praemunire at 6:10 PM on February 21, 2016

I thought the Jessica Jones Netflix series (1st season) was a great metaphor for escaping a manipulative/emotionally-abusive relationship.
posted by JulesER at 6:36 PM on February 21, 2016 [1 favorite]

Here is a list of some recommendations. Also, this and this.
posted by onecircleaday at 6:46 PM on February 21, 2016

Charlotte Perkins Gilman's story "The Yellow Wallpaper" is about a woman driven mad by a "rest cure"prescribed by her physician/husband, which we would consider emotionally abusive today. Gilman wrote it after a physician prescribed a similar cure for her, allowing her only two hours of mental stimulation a day and forbidding her from touching pens or pencil.

In "Lady Chatterley's Lover," I think you could call the main character's husband guilty of emotional neglect. In "The Great Gatsby," I would consider Daisy's husband emotionally abusive. I'm having trouble finding a good plot summary for "The Beans of Egypt, Maine," but I believe the main female character marries her rapist.

There is also Edward Albee's play, "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolfe"? Both husband and wife are emotionally abusive.
posted by FencingGal at 7:22 PM on February 21, 2016 [1 favorite]

"The Idiot" by Dostoevsky, immediately came to mind. I would say the three main characters are all involved in a complex web of romantic emotional abuse, and the tragic ending (spoiler I guess ) leads it to outright physical abuse.
posted by permiechickie at 9:30 PM on February 21, 2016

The Watch Tower by Elizabeth Harrower is pretty much all about this.
posted by Trivia Newton John at 11:15 PM on February 21, 2016

"Of Human Bondage" by Somerset Maugham.
posted by JimN2TAW at 1:40 AM on February 22, 2016

If I remember correctly, This Charming Man by Marian Keyes, while mostly focused on physical abuse, deals with quite a bit of emotional abuse as well.

Getting Over It by Anna Maxted also has a character in an (physically/emotionally) abusive relationship.
posted by Enchanting Grasshopper at 5:22 AM on February 22, 2016

Vera, by Elizabeth von Arnim, is a quite chilling novel of verbal and emotional abuse by a very controlling husband, based on the author's on life experience. If I remember correctly, the only physical abuse is a character getting locked out of the house.
posted by JanetLand at 7:44 AM on February 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

Fencing gal mentioned The Great Gatsby, and I'll concur but add that there are many emotionally/physically abusive relationships in that book. Pretty much every relationship is abusive in some way in that book.
posted by guster4lovers at 6:41 PM on February 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

The harrowing memoir, When Katie Wakes is another good one.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 9:21 PM on February 22, 2016

Last Dance, Last Chance by Ann Rule. Yes, it's true crime, but verbal/emotional abuse is a major part of the story.
posted by SisterHavana at 11:05 PM on February 22, 2016