What are some good "experience" gifts? Like a hot-air balloon ride, for example.

December 13, 2005 11:19 PM

What are some good "experience" gifts? Like a hot-air balloon ride, for example. My Dad has cancer and the prognosis is not good. I don't want to give him just another material THING for Christmas and upcoming birthday. For one thing, he has pretty much everything he could want materially (at least everything he could want that's still in my price-range). He's also an extreme workaholic (he's still working as much as he can from home) and I want to kind of force him to go and do some living while he can.

As a thank-you gift for hosting my recent wedding, my husband and I gave my step-mother and him a gift certificate for a hot-air balloon ride and they loved it. I'm trying to think of other similar gifts they might enjoy. There are a few restrictions though:

1. It's needs to be relatively inexpensive. I can come up with great gift ideas that cost 1000s of dollars... but that's just not the financial situation I'm in right now. Ideally, I'd like to spend under $200. I'd be willing to spend $500 for something really special. However, don't keep the idea to yourself just because of cost. It's possible I could try to go in on a gift with other family members if it's something truly great.

2. It should be in or around or available in Boston (where they live). My Dad doesn't have a lot of energy these days, so anything more than a day trip is pushing it.

3. It should be relatively non-physical. Again, the lack of energy plays a role here.

4. My Dad used to be both an amateur pilot and race car driver, so flying lessons and racing lessons are out. He's been there done that.

5. If possible, it should include my step-mother.

As for things he likes and enjoys... he's a typical type A, strong willed, CEO type. He likes gadgets, planes, cars, the history channel, and other "boy" stuff. But, he's a softy too. In my dream of dreams, I'd buy him a trip to space...

Other non-experience types of gift ideas are also welcome if you think they fit the situation. For example, my Dad has very few baby pictures of me (they're all with my Mom). I am now in the process of scanning them all and putting them in an album for him. That kind of thing.

So, any ideas? Thank you!

posted by zharptitsa to human relations (17 comments total)

Do you have children or does he have grandchildren? One thing that might be cool is to buy him a hand-held video camera and allow him to tell his own oral history for his (potentially future) grandchildren, if, in fact, there is a possibility that this history may soon be lost.

This will make him feel important and special and will also be a wonderful gift to you and the rest of the family when the inevitable happens.

My granddad is 75, just faced a very minor bout of bladder cancer. He's doing great now, but only since he was faced with certain death did he ever begin to open up and start telling stories about his life as a youth, his experiences in the Korean War, how he met my Moomaw, etc., etc. He told me stories my dad hadn't even heard.

You can buy a nice but not too fancy mini-camcorder for $200-300. You could work as the interviewer, or your stepmom, or you and your siblings or other members of the family could compile a list of questions for him to answer on-camera along the lines of "What's your earliest memory, tell me about your childhood pets," whatever your imagination allows.
posted by Brittanie at 11:38 PM on December 13, 2005

I'm sorry your family's going through this, zharptitsa. I think the camcorder/family history idea is a great one. Another one that comes to mind is organizing a daytrip to some sort of local/regional sight or destination he's likely to enjoy, but that won't be too taxing. I seem to recall an AskMe thread where someone organized a visit to a local bird sanctuary for their father... something like that? Of course, it doesn't have to be a bird sanctuary -- since he's a history buff, maybe there's a suitable historical site he's always wanted to see.
posted by scody at 11:53 PM on December 13, 2005

Keeping in mind I'm a bit hazy on Boston geography and what is within a day trip but...

Deep sea fishing? Might be a summer thing also maybe need to be near a tourist area. (I don't think it would cost that much as long as you find a boat/company that takes out maybe 10-15 tourists and you don't get to keep the fish (I'm going on a very hazy childhood memory from 15 years ago though - and also was in Nova Scotia).

Wintertime.... Ice fishing? Snowmobiling? Helicopter tour of the city?


On preview, I like Brittanie's suggestion. You could also tweak it a bit and add on by filming yourself & other family members. (Don't know how much you tell your father, but I know my parents probably don't know a lot of my personal history). He might appreciate seeing you (and other loved ones) talk about your own personal memories, jokes, thoughts on life, etc. Might be especially appreciated if he becomes bedridden. Of course still film his stories so he'll feel he's passing something on.
posted by curbstop at 11:57 PM on December 13, 2005

Honestly, the advice above about making the personal connection is spot on. Having unfortuntely been faced briefly with the problems your dad is going through, the only thing I cared about is that the people around me I cared about most were happy and that their lives would be as rich as mine had been.

It means a lot to him that you would appreciate the role you spent in his life, so don't worry about saddening him with memories or the good times that may not go on forever.

Don't worry terribly about finding the perfect sentiment through a gift, and I don't think you're headed down that road. Any fool can buy something, but taking a few hours to reflect on his contribution to your happiness and communicating what you think about to him would mean the world.

He doesn't want "here's the last thing, let's make it the specialest". Just, give him the straight dope on who he's been to you and those around him, and keep on being happy YOURSELF. I think that would mean the most to him.

I know this was fairly oblique and non-helpful as far as suggestions, but I found it hard to understand that monemental gestures and end-of-life markers don't mean the most, it's knowing that those around you will be happy and safe even after you're gone. Life ends, but your real mark in the world is truly in those you've touched, so knowing that has happened is the best result of any person's time on this planet.
posted by kcm at 12:15 AM on December 14, 2005

I used a similar idea to this once, but here's how you could do it for your dad.... It's basically putting ordinary things together to make an unexpected experience. You can combine your heart's desire of sending your dad on a voyage to explore space and giving him a personalized, meaningful experience with an idea like "Space Trip in a Box" or something similar.

What makes this special is how creative you can be in presenting the gift and tying in the theme unexpectedly at different points along the "trip". Pick up an inexpensive space capsule model or something similar to use as a gift box. Inside it put photos/trinkets representing the reservations and entertainment plans, perhaps illustrating these as different moons or galaxies that they will "visit." The cards on the top of the box could be "tickets to space" that you print out with NASA logo on your computer and personalize with their names, travel date and time, etc.

As for the actual plans: Begin the evening with pre-paid reservations at a restaurant with a skyline vantage point like Top of the Hub or anywhere else that has a spectacular view of the sky and beyond.

After dinner, send them to space! The ideas I came up with were mostly things related to the Boston Museum of Science like Friday night stargazing at the Gilliland Observatory, Hayden planetarium events, and various IMAX movies that revolve around space. You could also research some of the best places to see the stars in/around Boston and chauffeur them there or make them a customized map to point the way. Any other space themed ideas that incorporate technology or night viewing are great.

In keeping with the theme, put fun stuff in the box like a gravity gadget (pen?), satellite image book, DVD of Apollo 13, Star Wars anything, or some other great space movie for him to watch every once in awhile as well. Astronaut ice cream is always a winner.

As a last touch, you could include in the space capsule gift box a letter (with space imagery of course!) that explains the relevancy of the gift to your deep down desire to send him on the voyage of his dreams.

Cut and paste to match your personality and your father's specific interests and maybe there's an idea for you. One of those gifts that's not really about its components, but the sum of its parts.
posted by superfem at 12:52 AM on December 14, 2005

As a kid, my dad gave me a present of a sailplane flight. The eerie silence and search for thermals was so unlike powered flight that a strong, visceral memory remains with me to this day. For an ex-pilot, that might be quite interesting and, one hopes, memorable.

The Greater Boston Soaring Club's home base is Sterling Airport, 40 miles west of Boston. Introductory lessons start at $95.
posted by rob511 at 1:00 AM on December 14, 2005

I really like superfem's suggestion and rob511's too. I think Brittanie's suggestion is wonderful, but as long as he's still able to get around and take pleasure out of doing things, take full advantage of it. When he's more housebound, the camcorder will be a good thing, but your dad sounds like an active, vital person and people like him often have a harder time accepting the limitations illness imposes. For now, a change of scene and stimulating activities seem like a good idea. It'll give him a day to feel like his old self, and a recent, strong sensory memory to hang on to during the hard times to come.

Another thing for later, in addition to your album: my family compiled a memory book for my grandmother, full of things we all wrote about her -- memories, anecdotes (often very funny ) -- as well as drawings. My cousin, a graphic designer, compiled it and had it bound, with copies made for those who wanted one. Obviously, it's late for Christmas, but while everyone's gathered together, you could float the idea with your family and offer to be the organizer, especially asking your stepmother how much she'd like to be involved. Even if you aren't a designer or there aren't any in your family, anyone can put together a scrapbook of this sort, and it's very a loving gift.

Best wishes to you and your dad.
posted by melissa may at 1:46 AM on December 14, 2005

I too think all of these ideas are very good. To add to them, perhaps buy him a time capsule and make a special day of going through things and writing letters to go in it. And the camcorder idea goes well with this too.

Or if it is more of an "experience" you're after, I'd honestly see no foul in even asking him to chip in some cash (if that's possible, of course). Sometimes people really want to do things and only need to be encouraged to go ahead and do what they've wanted to do for a long time.

My absolute best wishes on whatever your plan.
posted by travosaurus at 4:40 AM on December 14, 2005

I think superfem has it. Nice one.
With regards to sailplaning, it's going to depend on the person. My uncle used to be a career pilot and flew C4's among others. I asked him if he evenr thought about taking up flying as a hobby and he said that he was done. After flying big birds, he couldn't imagine enjoying something small.
posted by plinth at 5:45 AM on December 14, 2005

There might be some ideas on www.extravagift.com
posted by bozichsl at 6:20 AM on December 14, 2005

One of the things I've wanted to do for my Dad (but can't afford, though you should be able to on your budget) is rent a hummer for him to drive. It's not a race car experience, but something fairly different. In Canada, they run about $300 a day, so I imagine in the US they're probably a little cheaper, and with exchange should be quite close to your $200 range, and way under your $500. It will probably require that you have many thousands of dollars in outstanding limit on your credit card, however, for the deposit.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:27 AM on December 14, 2005

This may sound silly, but how about another hot air balloon ride? If it is in a different season (i.e. winter instead of spring, summer, or fall), the views will be dramatically different. They enjoyed the first one, and this contrasting one might be great as well.
posted by alms at 7:00 AM on December 14, 2005

Well, it may be a little push on time, but have you considered a trip to D.C.? From what you said he enjoys, he'd probably be a kid in a candy store at the Smithsonian. If he hasn't been there before, it'd be an experience to remember.

I also remember one family friend who loved flying spending time with me building model rockets and RC model airplanes. They're a bit simple, but it's just a fun time to have. Good way to bond with your dad some, doesn't take too much energy, and one of those things that just doesn't occur to most people
posted by Saydur at 7:11 AM on December 14, 2005

This might be too sentimental, but what about reuniting him for dinner with an old friend, mentor, hero, etc.? Is there someone from childhood, grade school, high school, college, work, or just life with whom he has lost contact? Maybe someone who meant a great deal to him but they've simply lost contact throughout the years, as frequently happens. If there is no one from his personal life, perhaps you could arrange dinner with a public figure he admired, someone in the community maybe.

I suppose dredging up old memories could be a bad idea. You know him best. I'm sorry for your situation.
posted by crapulent at 7:24 AM on December 14, 2005

Do you have any siblings? My dad also has cancer and his birthday is the day after Christmas. I had really nice portraits taken of my sisters and I that I'm going to frame and give to him for his birthday from the three of us. We don't really get along at all, so I'm sure he'll tear up when he realizes we were actually able to cooperate and coordinate amongst ourselves to do something for him without wringing each others' necks.

I definitely second what kcm said. My dad has a lot of things on his mind, especially since he's getting married early next year and having surgery for his cancer around the same time. I know that he's doing the best he can to make sure my sisters and I will be okay once he's gone, and it's giving him a lot of peace of mind to know that I'll be able to finish grad school, get a good job and be able to support myself.
posted by booknerd at 9:24 AM on December 14, 2005

I don't have any great ideas, but I wanted to mention that I think you're awesome.
posted by ikkyu2 at 2:44 PM on December 14, 2005

OK, so he has flown, driven, but has he ever been on a submarine?
posted by darkness at 5:17 PM on December 14, 2005