When to save and when to discard
December 11, 2015 7:30 AM Subscribe
I am in a significant amount of debt. I also have a very cluttered home. How do I deal with the latter, given that the former makes me cautious about throwing things out?
I've built up debt over a few years, mainly through careless spending/self-medicating with shopping. I have it all on 0% balance transfer cards, and I'm paying it off slowly, but it will take a few years to do, and in the meantime I have not very much disposable income after repayments and living expenses are taken care of. (There is no fat to trim off this part of the budget - I already live in a place which is very cheap for the city I live in, and despite having in the past ordered christ knows what off eBay etc, I am quite careful when it comes to things like sorting out my lunches at work and other day to day spending.) As much as I want to get being in debt out of my life - I've been in consumer debt since I was eighteen - it's a case of slow and steady wins the race. My student loan repayments are deducted from my pay each month (I'm in the UK) but should be paid off in about two years, so that may help.
The issue is that my home is quite cluttered, which feels stressful and is putting a strain on my relationship, as the flat can never stay tidy. It needs to change. However, given that I am having to keep a tight hold on my budget, it's hard to justify throwing out actual useful things such as not-yet-worn clothing, or toiletries, or anything else that I would most likely need to buy later - it makes the debt feel so much more like a pointless waste. What do people do in this situation? Is it best to throw it out; do you somehow get it out of the house (at a friend's, storage locker, whatever) temporarily to make it feel more manageable; do you do nothing? Selling stuff isn't really an option here (for a number of boring reasons) so the only way to 'make money back' on things is to use them - but I feel like the quality of mine and my partner's life is suffering because I feel overwhelmed and they feel like they can't feel at home here. Any advice or perspectives welcome.
I've built up debt over a few years, mainly through careless spending/self-medicating with shopping. I have it all on 0% balance transfer cards, and I'm paying it off slowly, but it will take a few years to do, and in the meantime I have not very much disposable income after repayments and living expenses are taken care of. (There is no fat to trim off this part of the budget - I already live in a place which is very cheap for the city I live in, and despite having in the past ordered christ knows what off eBay etc, I am quite careful when it comes to things like sorting out my lunches at work and other day to day spending.) As much as I want to get being in debt out of my life - I've been in consumer debt since I was eighteen - it's a case of slow and steady wins the race. My student loan repayments are deducted from my pay each month (I'm in the UK) but should be paid off in about two years, so that may help.
The issue is that my home is quite cluttered, which feels stressful and is putting a strain on my relationship, as the flat can never stay tidy. It needs to change. However, given that I am having to keep a tight hold on my budget, it's hard to justify throwing out actual useful things such as not-yet-worn clothing, or toiletries, or anything else that I would most likely need to buy later - it makes the debt feel so much more like a pointless waste. What do people do in this situation? Is it best to throw it out; do you somehow get it out of the house (at a friend's, storage locker, whatever) temporarily to make it feel more manageable; do you do nothing? Selling stuff isn't really an option here (for a number of boring reasons) so the only way to 'make money back' on things is to use them - but I feel like the quality of mine and my partner's life is suffering because I feel overwhelmed and they feel like they can't feel at home here. Any advice or perspectives welcome.
I think one thing to ask yourself is whether the "useful" things are actually useful to you. There is a difference. Think about why you haven't worn the clothing. If you look at a unworn shirt and know that you will never in a million years wear it, then it's only theoretically useful. It's not useful to you, and you should let it go. The same goes for shoes that are too tight or shampoo that makes your hair look frizzy. Also, getting out of debt takes a lot of inner strength, and the clutter is sapping your strength. If you have an issue with retail therapy, feeling stressed about your living space might end up driving you to buy even more. I will take you at your word that you can't sell things (though I would think ebay would be an option), but the money you spent on clothing you don't use is already gone. Keeping it around does not make the money come back. It's just a drain on you. If your student loans are paid off in two years and you can keep yourself from getting into more debt, you will probably be able to buy any replacement clothes you actually need when your student loans are paid off. So you don't need to save clothes that you might wear in ten years when everything you own now has holes in it. Be realistic about what you might actually start wearing in the next two years. If you know you won't wear it, get rid of it.
posted by FencingGal at 7:46 AM on December 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by FencingGal at 7:46 AM on December 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
The part of Marie Kondo's that helped me the most was learning to think of items in terms of usefulness & viewing these types of items in terms of their already having served their purpose. You got them because you needed/wanted them, and now that you don't need/want them any more, their usefulness has come to an end.
That's made it a lot easier for me to let things, even new and unused things, go.
posted by mochapickle at 7:47 AM on December 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
That's made it a lot easier for me to let things, even new and unused things, go.
posted by mochapickle at 7:47 AM on December 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
Seconding mochapickle about changing my attitude towards items. It allowed me to clean out a number of closets.
What also helped, because I feel guilty about throwing away some much useful stuff, was discovering that our local dump has an area called the Swap Shop where you can put things that are too good to throw away and other people can take them for free. One day we made two trips to the dump and 90% of the stuff we'd left at the Swap Shop area was gone by the time we came back two hours later. I don't care if the people who are picking it up are selling it themselves or using it--it's not going into a landfill.
posted by telophase at 8:20 AM on December 11, 2015
What also helped, because I feel guilty about throwing away some much useful stuff, was discovering that our local dump has an area called the Swap Shop where you can put things that are too good to throw away and other people can take them for free. One day we made two trips to the dump and 90% of the stuff we'd left at the Swap Shop area was gone by the time we came back two hours later. I don't care if the people who are picking it up are selling it themselves or using it--it's not going into a landfill.
posted by telophase at 8:20 AM on December 11, 2015
There are almost always solutions to clutter. The best solution involves getting rid of things, of course. You've gotten good advice about that. It is the best solution and you'd really be happiest if you can let things go.
But if you can't make peace with that idea, for the short-term, do you have any offsite free storage possibilities? Like a storage area that comes with your flat, or an attic in a parent's house, or a friend with a garage or basement? If so, clear out the worst offending spots and be relentless — like, if your partner needs closet space, clear out the closet of wrong-season clothing and anything you don't wear, put it all in a space bag, and store it. If you need room in the linen closet/medicine cabinet, take the newest toiletries out and box them up. Stick a date on the box, and try to remember what's in there. Unless you have antiques or something really expensive, don't bother storing furniture. Let someone have it; put it on the curb. Come to an agreement with your partner about what goes and what stays. Freecycle. It's faster than selling.
The best part of using storage is that it works as a mind hack: I've found that the longer something stays stored, the less I value it. Out of sight, out of mind. You'll go back next season to your stored clothes and probably think "what am I keeping this for?" It's even more obvious if you pay for storage (DON'T PAY FOR STORAGE).
The thing is, it's just stuff. If you're not using it, it's actually trash that's taking up happy life space. And it could be better put to use somewhere else. I think you need to think of it as valuing your relationship more than some unworn clothing. Priorities, right?
posted by clone boulevard at 8:49 AM on December 11, 2015
But if you can't make peace with that idea, for the short-term, do you have any offsite free storage possibilities? Like a storage area that comes with your flat, or an attic in a parent's house, or a friend with a garage or basement? If so, clear out the worst offending spots and be relentless — like, if your partner needs closet space, clear out the closet of wrong-season clothing and anything you don't wear, put it all in a space bag, and store it. If you need room in the linen closet/medicine cabinet, take the newest toiletries out and box them up. Stick a date on the box, and try to remember what's in there. Unless you have antiques or something really expensive, don't bother storing furniture. Let someone have it; put it on the curb. Come to an agreement with your partner about what goes and what stays. Freecycle. It's faster than selling.
The best part of using storage is that it works as a mind hack: I've found that the longer something stays stored, the less I value it. Out of sight, out of mind. You'll go back next season to your stored clothes and probably think "what am I keeping this for?" It's even more obvious if you pay for storage (DON'T PAY FOR STORAGE).
The thing is, it's just stuff. If you're not using it, it's actually trash that's taking up happy life space. And it could be better put to use somewhere else. I think you need to think of it as valuing your relationship more than some unworn clothing. Priorities, right?
posted by clone boulevard at 8:49 AM on December 11, 2015
It doesn't have to be all or nothing. If you and your partner can agree on one designated storage area for this stuff--say, one drawer of a dresser, or a couple of underbed boxes--you can save some things and donate the rest. By having a finite space you'll naturally make decisions about what things are worth holding on to and my guess is you won't miss the rest.
I went on a shopping binge with toiletries/cosmetics for a while and built up quite a stockpile of expensive products. When I got serious about tackling my debt, I completely stopped spending and instead used what I had. It took a long time to finish all of them and honestly, I would have been fine just using drugstore products during that time, even if it meant budgeting an extra $5/10 per month. So maybe also work through how much it would really cost to buy things and whether you can budget a small amount to allow for those purchases in exchange for a better relationship. Clothes are pretty affordable at charity shops, and there are great toiletries at drugstores.
posted by mama casserole at 8:53 AM on December 11, 2015
I went on a shopping binge with toiletries/cosmetics for a while and built up quite a stockpile of expensive products. When I got serious about tackling my debt, I completely stopped spending and instead used what I had. It took a long time to finish all of them and honestly, I would have been fine just using drugstore products during that time, even if it meant budgeting an extra $5/10 per month. So maybe also work through how much it would really cost to buy things and whether you can budget a small amount to allow for those purchases in exchange for a better relationship. Clothes are pretty affordable at charity shops, and there are great toiletries at drugstores.
posted by mama casserole at 8:53 AM on December 11, 2015
Storing extra stuff is expensive. Having more things than you need winds up being horribly costly in at least two ways: 1. you wind up feeling as if you need a lot more storage space than you actually do, and over the years you build that into your assumptions about how much you ought to pay for your housing; and 2. you can't find the things you have which are hidden behind mountains of other crap, so you buy more.
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:51 AM on December 11, 2015
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:51 AM on December 11, 2015
Not sure where you are, but if your town has Freecycle or Craigslist (which also has a "free" section), I recommend keeping an eye on them for a few days - the sheer quantity and variety of stuff that's readily available and keyword-searchable these days is staggering. It make the prospect of parting with a lot of household goods that you could conceivably need again easier to take, I think.
They're also great vehicles for purging stuff, provided you don't have a homeowner's association that forbids leaving stuff in front of your house. I've occasionally posted lists of stuff and said, "it will be on the stoop of [my address]" for the taking - almost all of it has been gone by the end of the day.
posted by ryanshepard at 10:08 AM on December 11, 2015
They're also great vehicles for purging stuff, provided you don't have a homeowner's association that forbids leaving stuff in front of your house. I've occasionally posted lists of stuff and said, "it will be on the stoop of [my address]" for the taking - almost all of it has been gone by the end of the day.
posted by ryanshepard at 10:08 AM on December 11, 2015
Just like there was the illusion that buying xyz would bring you happiness or contentment, there's now the illusion that these were actually reasonable purchases if you just hold onto them and use them at some point. Do your best to organize the essentials that you're currently using and then get rid of the rest. Renting space to store the stuff is only going to enable you to stick with the illusions that got you into this mess. The debt *is* a pointless waste. Facing that reality and confronting why you though that the answer to emotional issues could be found through shopping for unneeded stuff will help you to break the pattern. You don't have to purge all at once if that feels overwhelming, but make a goal of getting rid of X number of things per week. Holiday time is a great time to get rid of things either through gifting or donating to people who are in need. Selling is also a reasonable option that can be done a number of ways. Free yourself from the stuff. You and your partner will feel so much better after you've done this hard work.
posted by quince at 10:52 AM on December 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by quince at 10:52 AM on December 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
I steadily got rid of everything while deeply in debt, going through a divorce and all kinds of overwhelmed.
It helped me to binge watch the HGTV show "Mission: Organization". Every single show basically starts with a professional organizer having their clutterbug client make three piles: keep, trash, sell/donate. Two out of the three piles were things NOT staying.
I had long wanted a more spartan life and I had big plans to buy my way there. I didn't see how broken that idea was until my son wanted to throw something out and I said "I can't afford to replace it." And he said "No. I just want to throw it out, not replace it. I want to carry it down to the dumpster and that is the entire plan."
This is a sickness. Everything consumes something. It takes up space, it consumes cleaning supplies that cost you money, there is a psychological and emotional cost to keeping all this crap. And dealing with it consumes time, something you cannot get back.
Start with the low hanging fruit. Get rid of the things that stress you out the least, that are the easiest to justify. Listen to stories from friends who chose to pay for storage for their excess of crap. Multiply the number of months they haven't seen their crap by the monthly payment. Every single thing you toss in the trash, sell or donate to charity is like getting a larger apartment for FREE.
As you start experiencing the positives, it should get easier. When my oldest son learned that we could actually throw things out, contrary to the American way of buying and accumulating, I had to put limits on him so he wouldn't empty the apartment too fast.
As you find yourself with less stress, more space and more free time, your views will change.
I don't ever want to be a prisoner of a mountain of crap ever again. My life was permanently changed for the better.
If necessary, use whatever mental hacks will help you through this. Have your SO take out the trash or drop off the donations. Give yourself permission to replace it if you really truly find yourself needing X thing.
posted by Michele in California at 11:26 AM on December 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
It helped me to binge watch the HGTV show "Mission: Organization". Every single show basically starts with a professional organizer having their clutterbug client make three piles: keep, trash, sell/donate. Two out of the three piles were things NOT staying.
I had long wanted a more spartan life and I had big plans to buy my way there. I didn't see how broken that idea was until my son wanted to throw something out and I said "I can't afford to replace it." And he said "No. I just want to throw it out, not replace it. I want to carry it down to the dumpster and that is the entire plan."
This is a sickness. Everything consumes something. It takes up space, it consumes cleaning supplies that cost you money, there is a psychological and emotional cost to keeping all this crap. And dealing with it consumes time, something you cannot get back.
Start with the low hanging fruit. Get rid of the things that stress you out the least, that are the easiest to justify. Listen to stories from friends who chose to pay for storage for their excess of crap. Multiply the number of months they haven't seen their crap by the monthly payment. Every single thing you toss in the trash, sell or donate to charity is like getting a larger apartment for FREE.
As you start experiencing the positives, it should get easier. When my oldest son learned that we could actually throw things out, contrary to the American way of buying and accumulating, I had to put limits on him so he wouldn't empty the apartment too fast.
As you find yourself with less stress, more space and more free time, your views will change.
I don't ever want to be a prisoner of a mountain of crap ever again. My life was permanently changed for the better.
If necessary, use whatever mental hacks will help you through this. Have your SO take out the trash or drop off the donations. Give yourself permission to replace it if you really truly find yourself needing X thing.
posted by Michele in California at 11:26 AM on December 11, 2015 [2 favorites]
My home was cluttered up with a lot of things that people have given me over the years but it was time to clear things out. It's so hard to get rid of things that have memory value though, I think of the person that gave it to me (or inherited it from) and would really miss bringing those memories up.
So, I took pictures of all these special things that I just don't have room for, did a wonderful collage that I printed up and framed (also keeping the photos in a backed up file). I can see the picture in the hallway which brings up all the wonderful memories and have given away, sold or donated the items and now have so much less clutter!
posted by IpsoFacto at 12:07 PM on December 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
So, I took pictures of all these special things that I just don't have room for, did a wonderful collage that I printed up and framed (also keeping the photos in a backed up file). I can see the picture in the hallway which brings up all the wonderful memories and have given away, sold or donated the items and now have so much less clutter!
posted by IpsoFacto at 12:07 PM on December 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
I can really relate, I have also both debts from binge shopping and a strong inclination to hoard from anxiety I would not be able to buy it again when I need it.
What has helped were several approaches. One was to redirect the shopping urge with shopping for staple food stuff we actually use, instead of useless knick knacks ( I had a huge amount of this purchased in second hand shops and fleamarkets) and clothes I never wore. The other was to actually force myself to give away stuff. Literally force myself to bag them and as I could not manage to actually take it anywhere I found a charity that picks stuff up (for free).
what helped me most however, was to a very futile attempt to clean up my mother's house and garage and realise where my own hoarding ideas came from, how she compensates emotional need with material stuff. I saw what I would turn into, what our flat would turn into and it was a rude wakeup call. I do not want my son to grow up like I did and found a therapist to work on the need to fill the hole.
Moving in together (from two separate flats) after the birth of our son 7 yrs ago was a nightmare because my husband was so put off by my accumulated stuff and the expense of moving it. At first I was only offended but slowly I saw as you do, I think, that it is hard for the other person if there is no space for them and their stuff. So I boxed lots and stored them (for free) in our basement and then after 4 years i gave all the boxes away. I opened them and some of the stuff I could not even recall I owned. What I did was call a charity who offered to pick up stuff for free. I could not handle taking the stuff out of the flat myself. I did this 3 times.
Next, I actually sorted my clothes into stuff I wear and donated the rest to charity. This was truly hard but I realised that there were items with price tags on them from about 10 yrs ago. I really only kept stuff I wear daily and 2-3 holiday outfits. Yes, I was very afraid that I would not be able to replace it. But it was also freeing to give the unworn things with price tags away because they would no longer remind me of my shopping madness everytime I came across them. I had loads also of unused toiletries and donated those to a homeless shelter. I kept only 12 each of glassware, table ware and cutlery, etc.
And yes, giving away was also hard because it made me realise how much money I had wasted over the years and that there is nothing to show for the debt. but that is no reason not to purge your stuff. Keeping it is also dpressing because it was a constant reminder to have the stuff in bags with tags still on. I guess what I am trying to say is dare to give it away. Nothing bad will happen but you will liberate yourself.
posted by 15L06 at 12:32 PM on December 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
What has helped were several approaches. One was to redirect the shopping urge with shopping for staple food stuff we actually use, instead of useless knick knacks ( I had a huge amount of this purchased in second hand shops and fleamarkets) and clothes I never wore. The other was to actually force myself to give away stuff. Literally force myself to bag them and as I could not manage to actually take it anywhere I found a charity that picks stuff up (for free).
what helped me most however, was to a very futile attempt to clean up my mother's house and garage and realise where my own hoarding ideas came from, how she compensates emotional need with material stuff. I saw what I would turn into, what our flat would turn into and it was a rude wakeup call. I do not want my son to grow up like I did and found a therapist to work on the need to fill the hole.
Moving in together (from two separate flats) after the birth of our son 7 yrs ago was a nightmare because my husband was so put off by my accumulated stuff and the expense of moving it. At first I was only offended but slowly I saw as you do, I think, that it is hard for the other person if there is no space for them and their stuff. So I boxed lots and stored them (for free) in our basement and then after 4 years i gave all the boxes away. I opened them and some of the stuff I could not even recall I owned. What I did was call a charity who offered to pick up stuff for free. I could not handle taking the stuff out of the flat myself. I did this 3 times.
Next, I actually sorted my clothes into stuff I wear and donated the rest to charity. This was truly hard but I realised that there were items with price tags on them from about 10 yrs ago. I really only kept stuff I wear daily and 2-3 holiday outfits. Yes, I was very afraid that I would not be able to replace it. But it was also freeing to give the unworn things with price tags away because they would no longer remind me of my shopping madness everytime I came across them. I had loads also of unused toiletries and donated those to a homeless shelter. I kept only 12 each of glassware, table ware and cutlery, etc.
And yes, giving away was also hard because it made me realise how much money I had wasted over the years and that there is nothing to show for the debt. but that is no reason not to purge your stuff. Keeping it is also dpressing because it was a constant reminder to have the stuff in bags with tags still on. I guess what I am trying to say is dare to give it away. Nothing bad will happen but you will liberate yourself.
posted by 15L06 at 12:32 PM on December 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
"it's hard to justify throwing out actual useful things . . . it makes the debt feel so much more like a pointless waste"
But the things are making your life worse. Either you have to live with the things and feel a little better about the debt because at least you spent the money on useful things, or you can get rid of the things and feel bad that you wasted your money.
Seems to me that the latter is better. Donate the stuff and get tax deductions. At least you'll recover a little of the money. Is there anything you can return? Anything you can consign? Give as gifts, instead of spending money on new items for gifts?
posted by chickenmagazine at 5:52 PM on December 11, 2015
But the things are making your life worse. Either you have to live with the things and feel a little better about the debt because at least you spent the money on useful things, or you can get rid of the things and feel bad that you wasted your money.
Seems to me that the latter is better. Donate the stuff and get tax deductions. At least you'll recover a little of the money. Is there anything you can return? Anything you can consign? Give as gifts, instead of spending money on new items for gifts?
posted by chickenmagazine at 5:52 PM on December 11, 2015
I would strongly recommend finding a local freecycle like group and offering a few things for free a week. Usually the person who gets the item really needs it and will actually use it.
If you're holding onto items because you "might need them later", you can request items from freecycle. Unless it's super specialized, usually you can find it.
posted by betsybetsy at 7:55 PM on December 11, 2015
If you're holding onto items because you "might need them later", you can request items from freecycle. Unless it's super specialized, usually you can find it.
posted by betsybetsy at 7:55 PM on December 11, 2015
« Older namethatstoryfilter: girl with nuclear launch... | How to control erratic pet peeves so as to not... Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by DoubleLune at 7:35 AM on December 11, 2015 [1 favorite]