Tricks for remembering names and context

October 25, 2015 3:57 AM

I have a problem with remembering people's names. I've read previous posts on the topic and generally I can smilingly apologise and say, "Hey, I'm sorry but I am terrible with names." But my bigger problem is that I meet people in many contexts that don't overlap and all require various levels of professionalism. I don't mind apologising for forgetting their name, but to then add, "...and how do we know each other?" is veering into rudeness. Suggestions?
posted by tracicle to Human Relations (11 answers total)

I usually just make generic smalltalk until either I remember or they say something which reminds me, often by bringing up our shared context.

If both sides are using this tactic, the conversation can be really vague and a little awkward, but that's life I suppose.
posted by richb at 6:17 AM on October 25, 2015 [2 favorites]

"Hi, I'm tracicle, and I work at X." Most people will respond in kind, even jokingly ("Well, hi, tracicle, I am Stu, and I have worked in the cubicle behind you for six years now.") Replace "work at X" with whatever context might be appropriate. If they respond in kind (most people will), and their workplace doesn't jar any memories, then proceed to "I'm sorry, I'm terrible with remembering people. How do we know each other?" That way you're only asking once.
posted by Etrigan at 6:32 AM on October 25, 2015

Best answer: I find that the less self conscious I am, the better I remember people. During your initial meetings, try to focus as much as you can on the person you're meeting instead of focusing on your own behavior (which is probably fine!).

If these are professional meetings (or even high stakes non-professional like meeting SO's family, an important hobby, etc), jot down notes as soon as you get home about who you met, how you would recognize them, their company/role, any memorable details from the convo, etc. It takes five minutes and even if you never refer back to those notes, you'll remember better just from taking the time to write it down.
posted by telegraph at 6:54 AM on October 25, 2015 [1 favorite]

Have a few interesting topics in mind that can work with anyone... books, science, etc. Hopefully after a while you would figure it out, but if not, good conversation anyway!
posted by metasarah at 8:28 AM on October 25, 2015

I am terrible with names as well, and wish I could find a solution. I have told everyone I am close to about this problem and have told them to immediately introduce themselves if they see me talking to someone, as I probably cannot remember the person's name. That usually gets them to say it again.
posted by rpfields at 8:41 AM on October 25, 2015

I've been saved a few times (although after the fact) by checking my connections on Facebook/ Linked In.
posted by oceano at 9:48 AM on October 25, 2015

Best answer: I have the same issue... when I see people out of context, I'm often at a loss as to who they are.

This can be a little tricky, but if I've known it's been awhile since I've seen them, I'll sometimes ask in a pleased/slightly bewildered manner "When's the last time we saw one another?" This will usually elicit a reply of "it was at the XYZ event" or "at Juana's birthday party" and narrows the field in terms of *how* I know them.
posted by jenquat at 10:26 AM on October 25, 2015 [2 favorites]

I've had success with "remind me how we know each other." It lets the other person know that you remember them, but just need a little more context. With the right tone, it doesn't come across as rude (to me).
posted by rozee at 12:47 PM on October 25, 2015

I keep spreadsheets, especially for online groups: X is friendly, Y speaks $mainnonEnglishlanguage, Z soulds goofy but is one of the founders of the project.

For people I know or should know in-person, I download group photos from events and tag them (very low tech: by painting the names on the photo).

For people I meet only once, like in a job interview, I draw a little map of the table and the details of everyone go at hte position around the table they were sitting at. This serves to jog memory.
posted by kandinski at 4:32 PM on October 25, 2015

There is a trick that helps me - put three things together about the person to make a mental picture - "name", "doing", "something". So "Mike riding a stapler" - that's Mike who works at Staples. Or "Jane teaching zebras" - that's Jane who does the education program at the zoo. If you can make the mental picture really outrageous then you have a better chance of it coming up when you see the person again.

It's called "visualize & associate" if you want to look up more about it.
posted by dawkins_7 at 9:04 PM on October 25, 2015 [1 favorite]

mnemonic tricks work great for names (I'm good with face recall but not names) but with a visual or other sensory memory attached. So if someone is a tattoist and their name is Mark I'd think of "Sharky Marky" and picture a tattoo of a shark. Then I would see them I would say, "Hey...Mark, right? Sorry. When did we meet again?" or even "Hey, Greg, right? Oh whoops, Mark, of course. You are a tattoist, right? Cool. When was the last time I saw you?"
posted by SassHat at 8:42 AM on October 28, 2015