Supportive relationships in fiction

September 22, 2015 12:18 PM

I was inspired by previous threads that asked for illustrations of healthy relationships. I am asking now for illustrations of fruitful mentor/mentee-type relationships (especially among equals, as opposed to parent/child or teacher/student).

I recently reflected on how much I miss having a friend who supports me no matter what. (This friend of mine lives halfway across the globe from me now, and it just isn’t the same over WhatsApp. I previously had a romantic partner who played this role, but that fell apart because I moved halfway across the country.) I concluded that the best way to sublimate this feeling of missing out is to be for others what I wish I had for myself. I want to be a cheerleader.

I found a real-life example in Steph Curry. Seeing the consistent support of his family in the stands validated by winning a championship moved me. Continuing to follow his career can be one thing to motivate me time and time again.

I was inspired by previous threads that asked for illustrations of healthy relationships. I am asking now for illustrations of fruitful mentor/mentee-type relationships (especially among equals, as opposed to parent/child or teacher/student).

The books need not be high brow—after all, Hermione Granger taught me that persistently looking for answers can be the difference maker and Matilda taught me how to be curious without being pretentious. I want the confirmation that having someone believe in you can make magic happen.

I apologize if this question has been answered. I searched keywords through Google, but could not find this specific topic. Link me if it is already out there!

posted by Don Don to Media & Arts (13 answers total)

Anne Shirley and Diana Blythe of Anne of Green Gables. I would say that Anne had a positive influence on everyone who encountered her, but she and Diana were certainly mutually good for each other as bosom friends and kindred spirits.
posted by lizbunny at 1:13 PM on September 22, 2015 [4 favorites]

Best answer: I passed over this question at first, because I don't read as much fiction as I should. But since you mention Hermione Granger and Matilda, what about Meg Murry from A Wrinkle in Time (and the rest of the series)?

Meg's parents seem to have a supportive, healthy relationship (each respectful of the other's professions).

Meg herself has a mutually supportive relationship with her friend Calvin and with her younger, child-prodigy brother Charles Wallace.

It's not just a nice series in which everyone is friendly. Not at all! But in the relationships I mentioned above, age and gender are irrelevant to the amount of healthy support the characters give one another.
posted by whoiam at 1:16 PM on September 22, 2015 [3 favorites]

Best answer: Does it definitely need to be a book? One of my favorite examples of this is Ron Swanson and Leslie Knope in Parks & Recreation. Even though Leslie goes against everything Ron believes in and stands for (he's a staunch small-government libertarian and she works toward a well-run, far-reaching government that provides social betterment), he supports her in her goals, gives her honest feedback, and encourages her when the going is tough. While they are in a supervisor/supervisee relationship at work (at least for a large part of the series), they really relate as equals who respect each other as adults and professionals.
posted by capricorn at 1:24 PM on September 22, 2015 [8 favorites]

+1 to AOGG as well as Swanson & Knope!

I'll definitely be following to see others. Great question.
posted by whoiam at 1:29 PM on September 22, 2015

Maybe Charlotte and Wilbur, from Charlotte's Web? I wouldn't exactly call her Wilbur's surrogate mother, but more of a mentor. I think Wilbur taught and helped Charlotte almost as much as she taught and helped him.
posted by umwhat at 1:48 PM on September 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

I think maybe mentor/mentee is not a relationship between equals by definition, because the mentor is always the one with more experience and advice. It sounds to me like what you want are more like supportive peer relationships and "cheerleading" friendships?

I love Harriet and Beth Ellen's friendship in The Long Secret (sequel to Harriet the Spy) because they're such opposites: loud and bossy vs. shy and mouselike. But somehow they just get each other. When you read the books together, you can see why; they each have secret projects that nobody else quite understands.
posted by thetortoise at 2:14 PM on September 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Does it definitely need to be a book?

Seconding. I feel like TV shows do a lot more friendship/collegiality between equals. (Maybe because of genre history, maybe because of how the shows are designed to be marketed and consumed.)

For example, the seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer showcase seven years' worth of friendship development between Buffy, Willow, and Xander. At points the characters are represented as aspects of a single being, separated out into a kind of division of labor (Giles, Willow, Xander, and Buffy as respectively Spirit, Mind, Heart, and Hand). The three friends often serve quite explicitly as cheerleaders for each other. When they forget this function and fall out of sync, troubles ensue, and are eventually resolved.

I think maybe mentor/mentee is not a relationship between equals by definition, because the mentor is always the one with more experience and advice.

But the roles can fluctuate, with one character supporting the other in different ways or at different times.

In Elementary, supportive friendships are considered rare, valuable, and explicitly sought-after. In part, the show draws on the model of 12-step programs, where your 'sponsor' must be fundamentally your equal (an addict like yourself) but simply has more experience -- more years of sobriety. The central relationship is between Sherlock Holmes and Joan Watson, Holmes being a heroin addict and Watson being originally his "sober companion". They soon become mentor and mentee -- Holmes training Watson in the detective arts, and Watson training Holmes in arts such as friendship. Unlike the original, Watson is no fool and takes no guff.
posted by feral_goldfish at 2:27 PM on September 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Evelyn and Ninny in Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe. Evelyn is only able to assert herself in her marriage and life because of Ninny's inspiring stories.
posted by thetortoise at 2:33 PM on September 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

The photography mentorship on Parenthood is great between EverybodyLovesRaymond and his young apprentice. It actually benefits both of them in material ways. Might also be interesting to read up on "reciprocity" in mentoring as a way to move away from mentoring as charity. I bring that up because you mentioned equality.
posted by Buddy_Boy at 4:59 PM on September 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Check our the relationship between the sisters in Into the Forest.
posted by benbenson at 8:37 AM on September 23, 2015

Best answer: Terry Pratchett's young adult Tiffany Aching novels feature a young witch learning from older, more established witches, and learning from / teaching witches her own age. They are very literally an embodiment of the idea that someone believing in you can make magic happen. The books start out with the protagonist at 9 years old, and continue through her young adulthood, so the first of the series (The Wee Free Men) is a written more simply than the later novels -- the vocabulary and challenges faced by the characters scale up as the books go along, but all of them are perfectly readable on an adult level.
posted by landunderwave at 9:10 AM on September 23, 2015

Response by poster: I'm looking forward to checking these all out! I think Parks and Rec is a brilliant example of the magic of adult friendships and a healthy support structure. I hope Netflix has the final season by the time I get through a re-watch.

I see now that I could have asked this question better. If anyone has more examples of a healthy support structure in books, films, or television, I would love to hear them.
posted by Don Don at 10:07 AM on September 23, 2015

I think Tamora Pierce' Tortall books have a lot of this. Female friendships without bitching, women and men being friends, and sometimes great mentors as well. A person I won't name here in order not to spoil is the most awesome knight master to Kel in Protector of the Small's third book Squire.
posted by LoonyLovegood at 7:58 AM on September 26, 2015