"I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on."
December 6, 2005 9:34 PM Subscribe
I don't drink, but for one night, I want to look like I do.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (76 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I'm in a college band, and we're so cool that we've been hired to play a dean's party with a free open bar. The party starts off as a cocktail kind of thing -- people wander around chatting with drinks in their hands -- but it quickly degenerates into fun drunken mayhem.
We will be the only undergrads there. The dean only invites professors (some without tenure, so they're early 30s) and some favored grad assistants (20s). We, the band, play for awhile, but then we're expected to mingle (and drink). This is a good opportunity to get in a little half-drunken networking and camaraderie with professors you want to write recommendation letters for you, or with TAs you want to hook up with.
I want to be the suave networker, not the loser in a corner who's sipping from a water bottle. Last year at the same event I got out of drinking by claiming I had an early solo gig the next day, but this year my bandmates know I'm free the next day. Designated driving can't be an excuse either (the school runs convenient buses everywhere). "Wellll, I really don't feel drinking is for me, acccctually" is insufficiently suave . . . and I don't want to keep having the same conversation all night long. Boring for me and for everyone else, particularly since I never drank, wasn't in rehab, and don't have any interesting stories to tell about not drinking. I haven't been outed as a nondrinker at previous parties I've attended because they've been, uh, student-hosted and informal, without the wander-and-chat portion of the night; everyone always pregames, and when I arrive the party's already in the just-trying-to-hook-up stage.
Bad answer: You should explain to everyone at the party why you're not drinking! Stand up for what you believe in! Have longwinded conversations about having fun without alcohol!
Good answer: You know, all good bars will have [nonalcoholic beverage], which looks just like [alcoholic beverage]. See if you can talk to the bartender before your set starts, so s/he can give it to you when nobody else is paying attention.
FWIW, I will have lots of fun without alcohol. I'm not going to be the one trying to start a conversation about Proust; I'll be trying to goof off and hook up along with everyone else. I just can, and want to, do it without the booze.
I've given you so much detail here because I'm not about to out my anonyself. Sorry, but I won't comment on the post.