Should I live my life as if I am entitled to privacy?
July 10, 2015 10:58 AM Subscribe
Should I live my life as if I am entitled to privacy or should I just give up on thinking I am entitled to private life. That's the question.
I am not exactly sure of the specifics of what is happening, but I think that sometimes things I say or do in private conversations are getting broadcasted to people without my knowledge or permission and that people I don't know react to my private conversations. I'm just an ordinary person. I don't know if it's a game or how it's done. I imagine that I am probably wrong about a lot of it but I am a fairly intuitive person so I think I am correct about some of it.
So my question is, if you were me, how would you live your life? How should I? Should I just give up on the idea that a normal person is entitled to privacy? Should I stop speaking my real thoughts? If I tell a friend privately that I thought some restaurant served bad food, should I be afraid of repercussions. And should a restaurant be afraid of what I say in a private conversation? How should we live our lives? How should I live mine?
I am not exactly sure of the specifics of what is happening, but I think that sometimes things I say or do in private conversations are getting broadcasted to people without my knowledge or permission and that people I don't know react to my private conversations. I'm just an ordinary person. I don't know if it's a game or how it's done. I imagine that I am probably wrong about a lot of it but I am a fairly intuitive person so I think I am correct about some of it.
So my question is, if you were me, how would you live your life? How should I? Should I just give up on the idea that a normal person is entitled to privacy? Should I stop speaking my real thoughts? If I tell a friend privately that I thought some restaurant served bad food, should I be afraid of repercussions. And should a restaurant be afraid of what I say in a private conversation? How should we live our lives? How should I live mine?
This post was deleted for the following reason: Heya, I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but as framed here this isn't really something that's going to work as a "just give me advice about lifestyle" sort of query. If you want to drop us a line at the contact form and talk about potentially reworking it in away that will be more useful, that's fine. -- cortex
Response by poster: Please answer the specific question, rather than with answers about mental health. (I already have mental health resources. Thanks). Assume that what I am experiencing is correct. How should I conduct my life?
posted by gt2 at 11:44 AM on July 10, 2015
posted by gt2 at 11:44 AM on July 10, 2015
I've thought about this. I've decided it's mostly a good idea to play it pretty safe.
-"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" is really a good rule, for privacy reasons and other reasons. We all need to vent sometimes, but mostly not as much as we think we do. Don't dwell on the negative. Consider damning with faint praise rather than an acerbic screed.
-Obviously we're not celebrities or politicians, but these days ordinary people pretty much do lack privacy. The comforting thought is that there is so much noise from every ordinary person that it drowns out any one person. But yeah, fighting against the growth of electronic surveillance and communications is pretty unrealistic in this day and age. At least for one person.
3. Choose your friends wisely. Many people can't be trusted. Many acquaintances will throw you under the bus.
4. Never write down anything you wouldn't want your grandmother to see.
5. Use humor. Humor is a great way to criticize while diffusing hurt feelings.
posted by quincunx at 11:49 AM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
-"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" is really a good rule, for privacy reasons and other reasons. We all need to vent sometimes, but mostly not as much as we think we do. Don't dwell on the negative. Consider damning with faint praise rather than an acerbic screed.
-Obviously we're not celebrities or politicians, but these days ordinary people pretty much do lack privacy. The comforting thought is that there is so much noise from every ordinary person that it drowns out any one person. But yeah, fighting against the growth of electronic surveillance and communications is pretty unrealistic in this day and age. At least for one person.
3. Choose your friends wisely. Many people can't be trusted. Many acquaintances will throw you under the bus.
4. Never write down anything you wouldn't want your grandmother to see.
5. Use humor. Humor is a great way to criticize while diffusing hurt feelings.
posted by quincunx at 11:49 AM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
Privacy is part of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, so first of all, yes, you are entitled to it. Everyone is entitled to it, and you should not have to live in fear that you will lose it.
When you deliberately share things with people, though, they can no longer safely be called private, particularly if you share them in a public place, which is ipso facto not private. There are people everywhere and cameras everywhere, and that is going to become more of a problem, not less of one.
From what you described, it sounds like one thing that may help is being more careful about choosing whom you trust with sensitive information, being more careful about the circumstances where you share information, and/or being more clear with those you trust about your expectations for what may or may not be shared.
As is the case with small children, as is the case with money, as is the case with anything you hold dear, so it is with your own intimate thoughts. You shouldn't trust valuable things, including information, with people who have not proven they will act responsibly and ethically with them.
posted by tempestuoso at 11:49 AM on July 10, 2015
When you deliberately share things with people, though, they can no longer safely be called private, particularly if you share them in a public place, which is ipso facto not private. There are people everywhere and cameras everywhere, and that is going to become more of a problem, not less of one.
From what you described, it sounds like one thing that may help is being more careful about choosing whom you trust with sensitive information, being more careful about the circumstances where you share information, and/or being more clear with those you trust about your expectations for what may or may not be shared.
As is the case with small children, as is the case with money, as is the case with anything you hold dear, so it is with your own intimate thoughts. You shouldn't trust valuable things, including information, with people who have not proven they will act responsibly and ethically with them.
posted by tempestuoso at 11:49 AM on July 10, 2015
I try to never say something to one person that I wouldn't want the world to hear. Obviously, that isn't always feasible, but at least that way no one can surprise me by knowing I said something I think they shouldn't. Humans are terrible at keeping secrets, because secrets are a social currency that allow us to feel liked.
posted by Night_owl at 11:53 AM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Night_owl at 11:53 AM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
In the books by Carlos Castaneda, Don Juan says we should live "impeccably." We do that for ourselves, but it may also be helpful in deciding what to say to whom.
Another way to look at it is the T.H.I.N.K. acronym:
Is it True?
Is it Helpful?
Does it Inspire confidence?
Is it Necessary?
Is it Kind?
When I know that my words will be seen/heard by others (such as in online reviews, etc), I try to be honest and to refrain from hyperbole or exaggeration. I do agree, however, that it might be a good idea to circle back to the person(s) with whom you have had private conversations that have been repeated to others, to understand better how and why strangers have learned of the content of your private conversations. It's certainly possible that your intuition is experiencing confirmation bias. Maybe everyone thought the food at that restaurant was bad, you know?
posted by janey47 at 11:54 AM on July 10, 2015
Another way to look at it is the T.H.I.N.K. acronym:
Is it True?
Is it Helpful?
Does it Inspire confidence?
Is it Necessary?
Is it Kind?
When I know that my words will be seen/heard by others (such as in online reviews, etc), I try to be honest and to refrain from hyperbole or exaggeration. I do agree, however, that it might be a good idea to circle back to the person(s) with whom you have had private conversations that have been repeated to others, to understand better how and why strangers have learned of the content of your private conversations. It's certainly possible that your intuition is experiencing confirmation bias. Maybe everyone thought the food at that restaurant was bad, you know?
posted by janey47 at 11:54 AM on July 10, 2015
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If you are in the US, you can Google your city or county name plus "crisis line" or "mental health" and look for the .gov sites; there should be a phone number for something called "Access Team" or "Crisis Line," and the people at that number should be able to help you with resources or referrals. (If you're comfortable giving your location, I could help find the appropriate number for you.)
If you already have a doctor or therapist you trust, you could also talk to them about what's going on.
If it doesn't seem like you need a doctor or therapist, then you might still want to talk to a trusted friend, loved one, or family member about your concerns, or maybe show them this question. They may be able to help you sort through things, too, or find you other people who can help.
Like I said, this sounds really stressful, and you shouldn't have to live like that.
posted by jaguar at 11:40 AM on July 10, 2015 [8 favorites]