romantic flower-inspired gifts that are not flowers?
April 8, 2015 9:42 PM Subscribe
My girlfriend likes when I give her flowers. I do not like to give her flowers. I just stop at the corner store and spend some money and then she puts them in a vase for a few days. I'd much rather give her something novel or useful or that would be interesting for me to obtain or that we could enjoy together, like a pound of butter. Are there any things that meet these criteria, and also reference or resemble or involve flowers in some way? (My girlfriend does not like it when I give her butter.)
She says what she likes about flowers is that they're pretty and I thought to get them for her.
The first thing which came to mind was food shaped like flowers, since we both like to cook. E.g., dip some strawberries in chocolate, stick them on the ends of bamboo skewers, and present them like a bouquet of flowers. Or maybe plate dinner with a flower garnish one day, like a carved carrot on the salad or a tomato peel rose on a bowl of pasta.
Another was the Macy's flower show, but we missed that one. Maybe a garden tour or something? We're in New York, if that helps.
She says what she likes about flowers is that they're pretty and I thought to get them for her.
The first thing which came to mind was food shaped like flowers, since we both like to cook. E.g., dip some strawberries in chocolate, stick them on the ends of bamboo skewers, and present them like a bouquet of flowers. Or maybe plate dinner with a flower garnish one day, like a carved carrot on the salad or a tomato peel rose on a bowl of pasta.
Another was the Macy's flower show, but we missed that one. Maybe a garden tour or something? We're in New York, if that helps.
Wait... What's wrong with flowers? They're beautiful. Maybe take the opposite approach and go even deeper - don't stop at the corner store, stop at the florist, and get her a single beautiful flower and maybe a book/article on that particular bloom.
posted by samthemander at 9:50 PM on April 8, 2015 [28 favorites]
posted by samthemander at 9:50 PM on April 8, 2015 [28 favorites]
You are asking for ways to ignore your girlfriend's straightforward honest request.
Just buy her flowers. It doesn't matter whether you like them. You're buying them for her.
posted by jaguar at 9:50 PM on April 8, 2015 [153 favorites]
Just buy her flowers. It doesn't matter whether you like them. You're buying them for her.
posted by jaguar at 9:50 PM on April 8, 2015 [153 favorites]
And if you go to an actual florist, they are likely to have higher-quality flowers that will last longer.
posted by jaguar at 9:52 PM on April 8, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by jaguar at 9:52 PM on April 8, 2015 [8 favorites]
To be more explicit: It is neither romantic nor loving to assume you know better than your partner what your partner wants. You are lucky to have someone who is explicit about what makes her happy. A supportive partner will honor that, even if (especially if!) his partner's desires are not the same as his own.
posted by jaguar at 9:57 PM on April 8, 2015 [76 favorites]
posted by jaguar at 9:57 PM on April 8, 2015 [76 favorites]
If you don't like their transience, how about combining a bouquet with a small flower press to save them? My ex was pretty good about flowers (at least early on :-/) and I dried and saved them all. It made them last more or less as long as I wanted to keep them. They can be framed or put in a blank book. It was nice to look at the total of them every once in a while.
posted by Beti at 9:58 PM on April 8, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by Beti at 9:58 PM on April 8, 2015 [12 favorites]
What brand of butter did you try? Because there are pounds of butter and then there are pounds of butter. Top quality butter beats store brand any day. My point being, don't 'treat' her with groceries, treat her with actual treats. I would swoon if a man showed up at my door with KerryGold butter. High end chocolates are also a win, as are fancy jams, odd looking cheese, and desserts that are new to me. But, I'm a weirdo and you aren't dating me. The woman that you are dating wants flowers. Get her the flowers. You can try mixing in love notes and gift cards to spas and restaurants.
I always found it very romantic when a partner did something that showed that he was thinking of me. Little things like filling up the car so that I didn't have to or washing the sheets and making up the bed. Sweeping, doing the dishes, bringing home a Mexican coke in a glass bottle, buying watermelon at the beginning of the season, little things, that are important to me. It feels good to have someone pay attention to you to the extent that they know what you like and they make plans to give you those things. Look for little things that she values and make certain that she always has them. That is more romantic than flowers.
posted by myselfasme at 10:02 PM on April 8, 2015 [10 favorites]
I always found it very romantic when a partner did something that showed that he was thinking of me. Little things like filling up the car so that I didn't have to or washing the sheets and making up the bed. Sweeping, doing the dishes, bringing home a Mexican coke in a glass bottle, buying watermelon at the beginning of the season, little things, that are important to me. It feels good to have someone pay attention to you to the extent that they know what you like and they make plans to give you those things. Look for little things that she values and make certain that she always has them. That is more romantic than flowers.
posted by myselfasme at 10:02 PM on April 8, 2015 [10 favorites]
I find flowers from florists and corner stores to be boring. I prefer to get flowers from farmers at farmer's markets. The flowers are often more interesting, you can often speak to the person who grew it, and the flowers are often fresher. Also you can pick up fresh fruit and veggies that you can cook with your girlfriend.
It looks like there are many farmer's markets in the New York area
posted by GregorWill at 10:03 PM on April 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
It looks like there are many farmer's markets in the New York area
posted by GregorWill at 10:03 PM on April 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
Your question reminded me of the "I brought you flours" scene from Stranger than Fiction.
posted by gemutlichkeit at 10:08 PM on April 8, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by gemutlichkeit at 10:08 PM on April 8, 2015 [10 favorites]
Make the getting of the flowers interesting to you. Use it as an excuse to check out florists and markets that you otherwise wouldn't go to in parts of the city you've never been, and learn about the flowers you're getting. Flowers have symbolic meanings in lots of different cultures - you could work with a florist to send coded messages to your girlfriend. Learn about how to care for them so they last longer - as well as how to determine if flowers are fresh or not. Keep your eyes open for vases and give them to her when appropriate. If the floral industry bothers you for moral and/or environmental reasons, learn where to buy the most local and least exploitative blooms.
The lady wants flowers. If you can't make flowers interesting to you, that's not her problem. If you've become resentful that she's seemingly saddled you with a task you find dull for a few days of her life being prettier, sit down and communicate with her about something she could do for you that would improve your life in a similar way. Maybe she should be the one who buys you butter? And you can bring her daffodils.
posted by Mizu at 10:11 PM on April 8, 2015 [19 favorites]
The lady wants flowers. If you can't make flowers interesting to you, that's not her problem. If you've become resentful that she's seemingly saddled you with a task you find dull for a few days of her life being prettier, sit down and communicate with her about something she could do for you that would improve your life in a similar way. Maybe she should be the one who buys you butter? And you can bring her daffodils.
posted by Mizu at 10:11 PM on April 8, 2015 [19 favorites]
Ah, man, you should continue to get her flowers because it makes her happy. Gifts are for the recipient, you know? My husband doesn't really care for cut flowers but he knows that it adds some visual joy to my environment so he buys them for me now and then.
That said, a different sort of gift that builds on the flower theme would be a Japanese flower arranging class that you take together. More elegant than a carved tomato.
posted by stowaway at 10:16 PM on April 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
That said, a different sort of gift that builds on the flower theme would be a Japanese flower arranging class that you take together. More elegant than a carved tomato.
posted by stowaway at 10:16 PM on April 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
I'd much rather give her something novel or useful or that would be interesting for me to obtain or that we could enjoy together, like a pound of butter.
I think you should do this AND every once in awhile pick up some flowers. Like others have said, she likes them, and it's a nice thing to do. It's also easy and cheap. Why fight it?
As to something novel or useful that would be interesting for both of you, I think only someone who knew you both really well would be able to speak to this. Maybe something from Edible Arrangements?
posted by bleep at 10:21 PM on April 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
I think you should do this AND every once in awhile pick up some flowers. Like others have said, she likes them, and it's a nice thing to do. It's also easy and cheap. Why fight it?
As to something novel or useful that would be interesting for both of you, I think only someone who knew you both really well would be able to speak to this. Maybe something from Edible Arrangements?
posted by bleep at 10:21 PM on April 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
If you have the money and want to win the universe, you should take her to Holland. Tulip festival starts next week.
posted by jessicapierce at 10:21 PM on April 8, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by jessicapierce at 10:21 PM on April 8, 2015 [7 favorites]
I concur with everyone who says 'just get the flowers'.
That said, maybe intersperse the flowers with potted herbs, or ornamental chillis?
posted by pompomtom at 10:25 PM on April 8, 2015
That said, maybe intersperse the flowers with potted herbs, or ornamental chillis?
posted by pompomtom at 10:25 PM on April 8, 2015
Just as a datapoint: I love getting (nice) flowers, but I kill any potted plants that come my way. I actually get annoyed at people who give me potted plants, because I feel pre-emptively guilty about how I will kill them. I wouldn't necessarily assume someone who loves cut flowers is equally enthusiastic about live plants.
posted by jaguar at 10:28 PM on April 8, 2015 [21 favorites]
posted by jaguar at 10:28 PM on April 8, 2015 [21 favorites]
It's lovely that you want to give her things that "are novel or useful or that would be interesting for [you] to obtain or that [you] could enjoy together." Huzzah. Do any of that IN ADDITION to giving her things that she knows she enjoys, not instead of.
Also, please see that you're missing the point.
I hate flowers, per se. They make me sneeze. I always prick myself with rose thorns. They die. They're a waste of money. And yet, when a man I love brings me flowers, it makes me giddy for days. I feel like a girl in a black and white movie when I get flowers. I feel adored. I feel, "feminism be damned if it must be, but I hope all the other women (and guys!) in the office are completely envious of me for being so adored as to get flowers." And chances are good that she's thinking that, too.
You think "I just stop at the corner store and spend some money and then she puts them in a vase for a few days." Quite possibly, she thinks, "d. z. wang was walking along and saw these flowers and thought of me and how much he loves me, and stopped what he was doing - stopped right in his tracks -- and selected the exact flowers he thought would be perfect for me -- and now I'm going to arrange them, and show them off and every time I look at them, I know that he loves me." And quite possibly, she thinks that a dozen times a day for as long as the flowers last.
Flowers are a cultural signifier. She may also like food arranged like flowers or tours of flowers or crayon drawings of flowers. But you know for a fact that she likes getting flowers. You've got the answer key right in front of you. Use it!
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 10:42 PM on April 8, 2015 [70 favorites]
Also, please see that you're missing the point.
I hate flowers, per se. They make me sneeze. I always prick myself with rose thorns. They die. They're a waste of money. And yet, when a man I love brings me flowers, it makes me giddy for days. I feel like a girl in a black and white movie when I get flowers. I feel adored. I feel, "feminism be damned if it must be, but I hope all the other women (and guys!) in the office are completely envious of me for being so adored as to get flowers." And chances are good that she's thinking that, too.
You think "I just stop at the corner store and spend some money and then she puts them in a vase for a few days." Quite possibly, she thinks, "d. z. wang was walking along and saw these flowers and thought of me and how much he loves me, and stopped what he was doing - stopped right in his tracks -- and selected the exact flowers he thought would be perfect for me -- and now I'm going to arrange them, and show them off and every time I look at them, I know that he loves me." And quite possibly, she thinks that a dozen times a day for as long as the flowers last.
Flowers are a cultural signifier. She may also like food arranged like flowers or tours of flowers or crayon drawings of flowers. But you know for a fact that she likes getting flowers. You've got the answer key right in front of you. Use it!
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 10:42 PM on April 8, 2015 [70 favorites]
Seriously, as a therapist who often counsels women doubting their relationships, I often hear women complain that their partner doesn't bring them flowers, and when I suggest that it's appropriate for these women to explicitly indicate to their partner what they want rather than seething in resentment or sighing in unfulfilled unexpressed desires, a huge majority of them tell me it's "unromantic" to express their own needs. Then we spend months working on why it's valid for women to have desires, to express desires, and to expect their partner to respect their desires and fulfill them if they are able. You seem to have a partner who is seriously ahead of the curve here, in being able to straightforwardly say, "I want x," which is a sign of a confident, healthy person. DO NOT undermine such a healthy confidence by deciding your partner's needs are too boring or unimportant to fulfill.
posted by jaguar at 10:46 PM on April 8, 2015 [140 favorites]
posted by jaguar at 10:46 PM on April 8, 2015 [140 favorites]
The thing about the "thought to get them for her"-type romantic gift is that whether or not it's fun for you too is kind of beside the point. It's all about the pure intention of making her happy. "Look, I replaced the gesture that makes you happy with a different gesture that I am more interested in" is, like, the opposite of romantic. It's not everybody who knows exactly how to significantly brighten the day of someone they love in five minutes and $5. Use it.
OK, that said, assuming that this would be in addition to, and not instead of, flowers:
-Interesting beer, if she likes it. Go a bit out of your way to a place that has a wider selection than your usual liquor store and get a mixed 6-pack of beers that neither of you have tried, and try them together.
-Same for fruit. Go to a gourmet grocery and put together a basket of fruits you've never tried.
-Next time you have to be out of town without her, even if it's just for one night, send her a postcard. It's OK if you have to buy it from a gas station in Boring, Ohio because that's where you happen to be, and it's also OK if it doesn't get to her until after you get back.
None of these things are any more long-lasting or practical than flowers (nobody needs to eat a passionfruit, it's just a sensual pleasure, like smelling a rose) but that's part of the point -- they don't clutter up your house and you can repeat them indefinitely!
P.S. I would actually strongly advise you to stay away from things that "reference or resemble" flowers, so that it doesn't look like you think you found a better way for her to like what she likes.
posted by ostro at 10:54 PM on April 8, 2015 [14 favorites]
OK, that said, assuming that this would be in addition to, and not instead of, flowers:
-Interesting beer, if she likes it. Go a bit out of your way to a place that has a wider selection than your usual liquor store and get a mixed 6-pack of beers that neither of you have tried, and try them together.
-Same for fruit. Go to a gourmet grocery and put together a basket of fruits you've never tried.
-Next time you have to be out of town without her, even if it's just for one night, send her a postcard. It's OK if you have to buy it from a gas station in Boring, Ohio because that's where you happen to be, and it's also OK if it doesn't get to her until after you get back.
None of these things are any more long-lasting or practical than flowers (nobody needs to eat a passionfruit, it's just a sensual pleasure, like smelling a rose) but that's part of the point -- they don't clutter up your house and you can repeat them indefinitely!
P.S. I would actually strongly advise you to stay away from things that "reference or resemble" flowers, so that it doesn't look like you think you found a better way for her to like what she likes.
posted by ostro at 10:54 PM on April 8, 2015 [14 favorites]
Absolutely try farmers markets! More unique, local, fresher, last longer, in season etc.
I used to work at a flower farm, and a day trip to a flower farm would probably be a hit too (ask the farmer if they have open days/tours or would take you on as a volunteer for a day). ASK HER. Ask her if she'd like to go to a flower arranging class (modern arrangements, traditional Japanese, etc.). Wake up early and go to the flower market one day. Go to the Renegade Craft Fair, Flea Markets, etc and look for flower vases. Ask, ask, ask. Caveat: girl wants flowers. If you flower-related gifts like above, you'd better gift it with a bouquet of flowers. ASK her if she'd be interested in these things!
There was and is still to some extent explorers who travel all over the world looking for new botanicals, especially flowers! I have a heap of "flower hunter" books - Memail me if you want some titles. Maybe this would interest you, and you could use them as reference to seek out interesting and unusual varities for HER.
Seriously though, I LOVE getting flowers. A half-dozen Peonies make me smile all week! When I worked at the flower farm I was in a good mood pretty much ALL the time - being up to my elbows in flowers was just such happy work. Make it interesting to you by going somewhere other than the corner store and putting as much thought into it as you would butter. I talked about this with a friend, and if we win the lottery I'm starting a flower farm and she's starting a flower shop! (I'd also buy really expensive butter, of course but I digress.) You might like this blog that belongs to a shop of the same name in Brooklyn (I think; and also a farm upstate I think). I think the author of Frolic! blog is a florist too, she's travelling now but might have some good links. Looking for more interesting arrangements might help your interest too. Really though, you're not interested in flowers, you're interested in HER and making her happy.
Question... do you want her to give you butter? If you were getting gifts more to your liking, would you be happier getting her flowers? It sounds like she's been quite clear with you; maybe you need to be more clear with her about what kinds of gifts you like.
posted by jrobin276 at 11:01 PM on April 8, 2015 [7 favorites]
I used to work at a flower farm, and a day trip to a flower farm would probably be a hit too (ask the farmer if they have open days/tours or would take you on as a volunteer for a day). ASK HER. Ask her if she'd like to go to a flower arranging class (modern arrangements, traditional Japanese, etc.). Wake up early and go to the flower market one day. Go to the Renegade Craft Fair, Flea Markets, etc and look for flower vases. Ask, ask, ask. Caveat: girl wants flowers. If you flower-related gifts like above, you'd better gift it with a bouquet of flowers. ASK her if she'd be interested in these things!
There was and is still to some extent explorers who travel all over the world looking for new botanicals, especially flowers! I have a heap of "flower hunter" books - Memail me if you want some titles. Maybe this would interest you, and you could use them as reference to seek out interesting and unusual varities for HER.
Seriously though, I LOVE getting flowers. A half-dozen Peonies make me smile all week! When I worked at the flower farm I was in a good mood pretty much ALL the time - being up to my elbows in flowers was just such happy work. Make it interesting to you by going somewhere other than the corner store and putting as much thought into it as you would butter. I talked about this with a friend, and if we win the lottery I'm starting a flower farm and she's starting a flower shop! (I'd also buy really expensive butter, of course but I digress.) You might like this blog that belongs to a shop of the same name in Brooklyn (I think; and also a farm upstate I think). I think the author of Frolic! blog is a florist too, she's travelling now but might have some good links. Looking for more interesting arrangements might help your interest too. Really though, you're not interested in flowers, you're interested in HER and making her happy.
Question... do you want her to give you butter? If you were getting gifts more to your liking, would you be happier getting her flowers? It sounds like she's been quite clear with you; maybe you need to be more clear with her about what kinds of gifts you like.
posted by jrobin276 at 11:01 PM on April 8, 2015 [7 favorites]
Buy her flowers. Don't editorialize about how you think they're a dumb gift. Then, if seeing her happy and touched that you brought her something you know she loves isn't enough, also buy something you would enjoy sharing with her in addition.
posted by quince at 11:21 PM on April 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by quince at 11:21 PM on April 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
Depending on her politics, she may be swayed by knowing that the cut flower industry is by no means a bed of roses for the people who work in it.
posted by zadcat at 11:40 PM on April 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by zadcat at 11:40 PM on April 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
If she wants a kiss, she wants a kiss, not something like a kiss but more sensible than a kiss. If she wants flowers, she wants flowers.
But don't buy her flowers from just any old shitty florist with low prices or you'll almost certainly (at least 90 percent of the time) end up getting her flowers grown in Colombia or Ecuador (or the Netherlands, if you're putting tulips on her clavichord), often using questionable labor and agricultural practices and then flown and driven many pollution-causing miles before they end up in your sweetheart's unsuspecting hands. Buy her flowers that were locally grown without pesticides. Just Google around to find places that will even deliver them by bike if you like.
Read this.
posted by pracowity at 12:47 AM on April 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
But don't buy her flowers from just any old shitty florist with low prices or you'll almost certainly (at least 90 percent of the time) end up getting her flowers grown in Colombia or Ecuador (or the Netherlands, if you're putting tulips on her clavichord), often using questionable labor and agricultural practices and then flown and driven many pollution-causing miles before they end up in your sweetheart's unsuspecting hands. Buy her flowers that were locally grown without pesticides. Just Google around to find places that will even deliver them by bike if you like.
Read this.
posted by pracowity at 12:47 AM on April 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
I would never buy myself flowers, no matter how much I love them, because I know they die. I loved it when my partner used to bring me flowers (he's stopped, despite my request for just one bouquet of peonies each spring; he ignores this request). A gift for your partner should be a wonderful, impractical thing they enjoy that they'd be too practical to buy for themselves. Don't be practical. If she wants butter, she'll buy butter.
Also if someone bought me food to prepare instead of something I could passively enjoy, even if he were planning on preparing the food with me, I might be annoyed that I was now expected to prepare food.
posted by Yoko Ono's Advice Column at 1:18 AM on April 9, 2015 [19 favorites]
Also if someone bought me food to prepare instead of something I could passively enjoy, even if he were planning on preparing the food with me, I might be annoyed that I was now expected to prepare food.
posted by Yoko Ono's Advice Column at 1:18 AM on April 9, 2015 [19 favorites]
Piling on. Your partner wants something that makes her happy. Give her the thing that makes her happy, not you happy. Find a good florist in town that specializes in ethically sourced flowers. FWIW, I'm a guy, and when I tell a guy I'm dating that X would make me happy and he does X with a smile, that tells me he cares enough to listen to me.
When I tell a guy that X would make me happy and he shows up with Y because it makes him happy, I start wondering whether his ears have stopped working.
You're making this about you. It's not about you. If you want her to do something for you that you enjoy, ask her to do so. If you want to do something together that you would both find interesting, then do so. If she is telling you "I like X,' then just do X since the way you're doing it now costs you a few bucks and less than ten minutes.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:45 AM on April 9, 2015 [12 favorites]
When I tell a guy that X would make me happy and he shows up with Y because it makes him happy, I start wondering whether his ears have stopped working.
You're making this about you. It's not about you. If you want her to do something for you that you enjoy, ask her to do so. If you want to do something together that you would both find interesting, then do so. If she is telling you "I like X,' then just do X since the way you're doing it now costs you a few bucks and less than ten minutes.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:45 AM on April 9, 2015 [12 favorites]
I'd much rather give her something novel or useful or that would be interesting for me to obtain or that we could enjoy together
No. Not about you, dude. The lady asked for flowers. Get her flowers.
posted by DarlingBri at 1:47 AM on April 9, 2015 [21 favorites]
No. Not about you, dude. The lady asked for flowers. Get her flowers.
posted by DarlingBri at 1:47 AM on April 9, 2015 [21 favorites]
The "would be interesting for me to obtain or that we could enjoy together" criteria is asking for a present for yourself. You need to get that sort of thing in addition to actual gifts.
posted by kmennie at 2:55 AM on April 9, 2015 [21 favorites]
posted by kmennie at 2:55 AM on April 9, 2015 [21 favorites]
Think of Gottman's Love Languages. She wants flowers; get her flowers.
One of the reasons I broke up with my ex was that although I valued X and asked for X, he didn't value that. He valued Y and thought I should value Y and he would get all kinds of angry if he did Y and I didn't enthusiastically thank him. Seriously, it became a huge problem.
(Substitute words of affirmation for X and acts of service for Y. He'd knock himself out doing things that I am perfectly capable of doing and have been doing as a grown ass woman for over 30 years when all I wanted was for us to talk, which he didn't want to do.)
posted by kinetic at 3:06 AM on April 9, 2015 [11 favorites]
One of the reasons I broke up with my ex was that although I valued X and asked for X, he didn't value that. He valued Y and thought I should value Y and he would get all kinds of angry if he did Y and I didn't enthusiastically thank him. Seriously, it became a huge problem.
(Substitute words of affirmation for X and acts of service for Y. He'd knock himself out doing things that I am perfectly capable of doing and have been doing as a grown ass woman for over 30 years when all I wanted was for us to talk, which he didn't want to do.)
posted by kinetic at 3:06 AM on April 9, 2015 [11 favorites]
Yeah, just get her flowers. Their ephemerality and uselessness is exactly what makes them special. That is what makes them a luxury, and a sign of your girlfriend's specialness in turn - that's the point. Yes, they're conventional; they're a conventional sign of romantic love. That doesn't mean your girlfriend is dull or stupid (which I really hope isn't what you think about your girlfriend... that is kind of the vibe I'm getting from your question though, honestly) - it means she wants to participate in the idea of romantic love, with you. Lucky you, right?
posted by cotton dress sock at 3:17 AM on April 9, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by cotton dress sock at 3:17 AM on April 9, 2015 [10 favorites]
This question isn't framed well but I think the intent is nicer than we're giving you credit for. You hate flowers she likes flowers and other expressions of care--what are some creative and thoughtful ways to give her flowers that aren't flowers, to spend MORE money time and effort on a gift than just grabbing some stems.
Given that, what about crafts? Learn how to make origami flowers out of paper, or sauter them out of metal, sculpt them out of clay or carve them out of wood. The energy spent on making permanent keepsakes is definitely more touching than ephemeral gifts. Though, you should still get her g-d flowers sometimes, ya big galoot.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:46 AM on April 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
Given that, what about crafts? Learn how to make origami flowers out of paper, or sauter them out of metal, sculpt them out of clay or carve them out of wood. The energy spent on making permanent keepsakes is definitely more touching than ephemeral gifts. Though, you should still get her g-d flowers sometimes, ya big galoot.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:46 AM on April 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm a girl who doesn't care for flowers. My partner has never gotten me any and this has never seemed like a problem to me. I'm like, eh, flowers, they just die anyway.
And even I think you should just get her flowers. Don't replace the flowers with other gifts. Give her other gifts as well, definitely, but you should continue to give her flowers at relatively the same rate you are giving her flowers now.
Because if my partner decided that buying me chocolate was kinda boring and not interesting to him to get, because he was just at the store and picked it up for three bucks, for God's sake, and brought me home a book about chocolate instead . . . I would not feel loved, or in any way pleased. Just sayin.
posted by chainsofreedom at 4:29 AM on April 9, 2015 [9 favorites]
And even I think you should just get her flowers. Don't replace the flowers with other gifts. Give her other gifts as well, definitely, but you should continue to give her flowers at relatively the same rate you are giving her flowers now.
Because if my partner decided that buying me chocolate was kinda boring and not interesting to him to get, because he was just at the store and picked it up for three bucks, for God's sake, and brought me home a book about chocolate instead . . . I would not feel loved, or in any way pleased. Just sayin.
posted by chainsofreedom at 4:29 AM on April 9, 2015 [9 favorites]
You hate flowers she likes flowers and other expressions of care--what are some creative and thoughtful ways to give her flowers that aren't flowers, to spend MORE money time and effort on a gift than just grabbing some stems.
But she's asked for flowers.
The energy spent on making permanent keepsakes is definitely more touching than ephemeral gifts.
To you maybe, but not to everyone so that is an inaccurate blanket statement. Flowers are not a swappable item. She's not asking for his time, his crafting skills, a larger expenditure of money, or anything else you've listed off there. She's asked for flowers.
Look, my husband loves peas. I do not love peas and am in fact at this point, really sick of peas. But he asks for peas and so I serve dinners with peas. I do not make pea souffle or try to convince him he should like, appreciate and want eggplant instead. I make standard peas.
Make the peas. Buy the flowers. It's such a small thing to make someone you care about happy.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:36 AM on April 9, 2015 [17 favorites]
But she's asked for flowers.
The energy spent on making permanent keepsakes is definitely more touching than ephemeral gifts.
To you maybe, but not to everyone so that is an inaccurate blanket statement. Flowers are not a swappable item. She's not asking for his time, his crafting skills, a larger expenditure of money, or anything else you've listed off there. She's asked for flowers.
Look, my husband loves peas. I do not love peas and am in fact at this point, really sick of peas. But he asks for peas and so I serve dinners with peas. I do not make pea souffle or try to convince him he should like, appreciate and want eggplant instead. I make standard peas.
Make the peas. Buy the flowers. It's such a small thing to make someone you care about happy.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:36 AM on April 9, 2015 [17 favorites]
Twenty years ago, I asked my first serious boyfriend to buy me flowers one spring and even pointed out the little $6, el cheapo, corner store bouquet I'd been walking past on my way to wait tables five nights a week.
The next night I got home at 1 am to find he'd bought himself a big coffee table book about baseball. Flowers? Nope, no flowers.
I loved that guy but I'm now married to somebody else, and I still feel bad when I think of how he just didn't get it.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 4:59 AM on April 9, 2015 [13 favorites]
The next night I got home at 1 am to find he'd bought himself a big coffee table book about baseball. Flowers? Nope, no flowers.
I loved that guy but I'm now married to somebody else, and I still feel bad when I think of how he just didn't get it.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 4:59 AM on April 9, 2015 [13 favorites]
. I'd much rather give her something novel or useful or that would be interesting for me to obtain or that we could enjoy together, like a pound of butter.
I am completely baffled as to how a pound of butter fills any of your requirements, unless you went and milked the cow and made the butter yourself, in which case great you had fun get some flowers while you're at the farm.
posted by the agents of KAOS at 5:02 AM on April 9, 2015 [22 favorites]
I am completely baffled as to how a pound of butter fills any of your requirements, unless you went and milked the cow and made the butter yourself, in which case great you had fun get some flowers while you're at the farm.
posted by the agents of KAOS at 5:02 AM on April 9, 2015 [22 favorites]
You have 10 days to get to The Orchid Show at the New York Botanical Garden. I haven't been able to go but all the pictures I've seen make it look incredible.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:08 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:08 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
They make her happy. Why is that not reason enough for you? And this is a thing that requires very little effort or creativity on your part, that you can do again and again and again, and consistently pleases her. Why mess with a tried-and-true guaranteed pick-me-up?
Get her useful gifts or experiences that you can share, yes, but don't do it as a substitute for flowers. And if your complaint is that you don't like getting her flowers, maybe you should take it upon yourself to make it a more interesting experience. Read up on botany, research florists, think of unusual color schemes or arrangements. As a bonus, she'll be able to tell that you put in the extra effort.
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:13 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
Get her useful gifts or experiences that you can share, yes, but don't do it as a substitute for flowers. And if your complaint is that you don't like getting her flowers, maybe you should take it upon yourself to make it a more interesting experience. Read up on botany, research florists, think of unusual color schemes or arrangements. As a bonus, she'll be able to tell that you put in the extra effort.
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:13 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
If they always die after a few days, I agree that you are buying the wrong flowers and/or your girlfriend could also use some flower preservative. Hell, my Trader Joe's flowers (which are Rainforest Alliance-certified, but otherwise fairly ordinary) almost always make it a full week, and I just use the floral preservative that comes with the arrangement -- I don't even cut the stems under running water.
I second bringing your girlfriend to flower shows and farmer's markets. Cool greenhouses can also be nice -- there's a lovely orchid and rare plant greenhouse in my area and I have to imagine there's something similar in yours.
As far as cool food things go, I would definitely add vanilla beans (I use Beanilla) and herbs/spices (try Penzey's although note that their store locator seems to be down). And as everyone else has said -- these would be in addition to flowers, not a replacement.
I also agree with the folks above who pointed out that (a) not everyone who likes cut flowers likes getting potted plants -- even if they have a few potted plants already, they may not like THOSE plants or want MORE plants, and (b) for some people, buying ingredients they have to cook is buying them a chore.
posted by pie ninja at 5:48 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
I second bringing your girlfriend to flower shows and farmer's markets. Cool greenhouses can also be nice -- there's a lovely orchid and rare plant greenhouse in my area and I have to imagine there's something similar in yours.
As far as cool food things go, I would definitely add vanilla beans (I use Beanilla) and herbs/spices (try Penzey's although note that their store locator seems to be down). And as everyone else has said -- these would be in addition to flowers, not a replacement.
I also agree with the folks above who pointed out that (a) not everyone who likes cut flowers likes getting potted plants -- even if they have a few potted plants already, they may not like THOSE plants or want MORE plants, and (b) for some people, buying ingredients they have to cook is buying them a chore.
posted by pie ninja at 5:48 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
Yeah I get that you want to be able to get some satisfaction from doing a nice thing for you girl- it probably even sounds a lot nicer in your head- "What's wrong with choosing a thing to do that I like, as long as she likes it too?"
Nothing. As long as you also do that thing she actually asked for.
It's shitty to not do a very easy, cheap and uncomplicated thing that your girlfriend asked for because you think it's boring.
posted by Blisterlips at 5:54 AM on April 9, 2015 [3 favorites]
Nothing. As long as you also do that thing she actually asked for.
It's shitty to not do a very easy, cheap and uncomplicated thing that your girlfriend asked for because you think it's boring.
posted by Blisterlips at 5:54 AM on April 9, 2015 [3 favorites]
I could have written this Ask, roughly ten years ago, complete with butter preference. I get it. Flowers seem kind of trite, and pointless. I mean, if you get them at an actual, quality florist, they can cost as much as a decent prix fixe meal, so why not take her out to dinner, dammnit!
I think one of the resistance points for me, before I succumbed, was that my partners' desire for flowers -- just flowers, not pseudo-flowers or flower-adjacent experiences -- implied that they weren't the capable, independent women that I had come to love. That one area in which they embraced their inner "princess" was disconcerting for me. I had an unfair expectation that they be fully "modern" and 100% consistent. It helped for me to realize that there were plenty of deeply-wired areas where I expected myself to 1) "behave like a man" or 2) be "treated like a man."
Y'know what? Having observed the reaction when I finally gave in? I'm all about buying flowers for lady-people, now. It's worth, like, a billion points. If you need a selfish-ish reason, that's way more compelling than good butter (which you should just buy, already).
posted by credible hulk at 5:59 AM on April 9, 2015 [23 favorites]
I think one of the resistance points for me, before I succumbed, was that my partners' desire for flowers -- just flowers, not pseudo-flowers or flower-adjacent experiences -- implied that they weren't the capable, independent women that I had come to love. That one area in which they embraced their inner "princess" was disconcerting for me. I had an unfair expectation that they be fully "modern" and 100% consistent. It helped for me to realize that there were plenty of deeply-wired areas where I expected myself to 1) "behave like a man" or 2) be "treated like a man."
Y'know what? Having observed the reaction when I finally gave in? I'm all about buying flowers for lady-people, now. It's worth, like, a billion points. If you need a selfish-ish reason, that's way more compelling than good butter (which you should just buy, already).
posted by credible hulk at 5:59 AM on April 9, 2015 [23 favorites]
An indoor plant, phaelaenopsis orchids flower 3-4times a year when looked after well, failing that an indoor mini greenhouse herb garden for your kitchen bench, I've seen these little garden glass houses ikea for $20, fill with her favourite herbs & hey presto!
posted by Under the Sea at 6:05 AM on April 9, 2015
posted by Under the Sea at 6:05 AM on April 9, 2015
Jewelry made with pressed flowers on Etsy. I have a tiny daisy in a resin pendant that I adore and get mad compliments on.
(but please still buy her actual flowers)
posted by kimberussell at 6:07 AM on April 9, 2015 [3 favorites]
(but please still buy her actual flowers)
posted by kimberussell at 6:07 AM on April 9, 2015 [3 favorites]
I feel almost bad piling on, but oh, good God, just buy her flowers. Get creative with the selection or the arrangement or the variety or the meaning if you want to get creative with it, but man, you have been given a gift. This is someone who said, "here is an easy way to demonstrate love for me that is guaranteed to have the desired effect of making me really happy." Do you know how hard it can be to get people to a) realize what they want from their partner, and b) tell you?
When your partner in a relationship tells you with a degree of specificity what they want (or if we're feeling Gottman this morning, what their love language is), you believe them, and if you can fulfill that desire without being overly put out, you do it. This is like a PG version of being good, giving, and game. Aside from the boredom, it's not hurting you any. Just do it, and reap the rewards of being a good sport. You can still do fun/creative things in addition to giving the lady some flowers.
posted by bowtiesarecool at 6:12 AM on April 9, 2015 [8 favorites]
When your partner in a relationship tells you with a degree of specificity what they want (or if we're feeling Gottman this morning, what their love language is), you believe them, and if you can fulfill that desire without being overly put out, you do it. This is like a PG version of being good, giving, and game. Aside from the boredom, it's not hurting you any. Just do it, and reap the rewards of being a good sport. You can still do fun/creative things in addition to giving the lady some flowers.
posted by bowtiesarecool at 6:12 AM on April 9, 2015 [8 favorites]
I kill off living plants and then feel guilty about this. Just get flowers. (Giving them with a flower press is a very charming idea.)
That said I think that ALSO giving a bouquet of cookies or chocolate covered strawberries is nice. If she has a less black thumb, sure, give an herb garden or potted plants. But she wants to think you walked by the flower place, thought of her and bought flowers. This is not a difficult request to fulfill, why not do it?
posted by jeather at 6:12 AM on April 9, 2015
That said I think that ALSO giving a bouquet of cookies or chocolate covered strawberries is nice. If she has a less black thumb, sure, give an herb garden or potted plants. But she wants to think you walked by the flower place, thought of her and bought flowers. This is not a difficult request to fulfill, why not do it?
posted by jeather at 6:12 AM on April 9, 2015
Response by poster: To be clear, I do intend to buy her actual flowers a few times a year. I don't intend to buy her flowers every time I see her. I'm looking for things I can do the other times that signal, "Hey, I remember you like flowers, and I want to do something nice for you even if I can't afford a nice bouquet of flowers tonight."
posted by d. z. wang at 6:15 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by d. z. wang at 6:15 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
I love flowers so much that I buy myself a bouquet every other week. It doesn't matter that they won't last - fleeting pleasure is better than none at all. Buy her flowers and buy something for yourself at the same time!
posted by h00py at 6:15 AM on April 9, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by h00py at 6:15 AM on April 9, 2015 [4 favorites]
Ah, on preview, maybe buy her some jewellery in the shape of a flower?
posted by h00py at 6:16 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by h00py at 6:16 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm looking for things I can do the other times that signal, "Hey, I remember you like flowers, and I want to do something nice for you even if I can't afford a nice bouquet of flowers tonight."
I'm just confused about what nice thing a person could do that is cheaper than a $5 bouquet of grocery flowers. Because seriously, it doesn't have to be a $50 FTD delivery bouquet, I'd bet.
Signed,
A woman who has given up on ever receiving flowers, due to this precise attitude, and as a result honestly likes men a lot less than she used to. Because what the fuck, guys?
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 7:18 AM on April 9, 2015 [43 favorites]
I'm just confused about what nice thing a person could do that is cheaper than a $5 bouquet of grocery flowers. Because seriously, it doesn't have to be a $50 FTD delivery bouquet, I'd bet.
Signed,
A woman who has given up on ever receiving flowers, due to this precise attitude, and as a result honestly likes men a lot less than she used to. Because what the fuck, guys?
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 7:18 AM on April 9, 2015 [43 favorites]
I'm looking for things I can do the other times that signal, "Hey, I remember you like flowers, and I want to do something nice for you even if I can't afford a nice bouquet of flowers tonight."
Well, one thing is that if you're in an established boyfriend/girlfriend, mutually exclusive relationship where you see each other several times a week, it's OK to not bring a gift every time you see her. She's your girlfriend because she likes being with you as a person, not because stuff. And if getting her flowers or other gifts every time is seriously cutting into your budget, it's OK to have that conversation with her.
The second thing is that it seems that you might still kind of be missing the point - she says "what she likes about flowers is that they're pretty and I thought to get them for her." The point is not "I LIKE FLOWERS", the point is that getting her flowers is an indication that you are thinking of her even when you're not in her presence, and that you're paying attention when she tells you about things she likes. If she likes cute puppy pics and you stumble on an especially cute one while goofing off online, go ahead and send it to her right after you find it. Like the flowers, it demonstrates that you're thinking of her and that you know she likes a certain thing.
If you still feel like giving her something every time, that's OK too (as long as she's OK with it), but the important thing is that it's something she likes. If she likes chocolate-covered strawberries and you can make your "chocolate-covered-strawberry bouquet" idea for a couple of bucks, then sure, do that. If a trip to a botanical garden or flower show is something she'd like to do and it's cheap, sure, do that. It's the "do something nice for her" part that's important, so find out what else she likes besides flowers, and then your gifts and dates can incorporate those things, too.
You phrased your initial question as all about things you don't like, but gifts are all about what the recipient likes, not about what the giver likes.
posted by soundguy99 at 7:20 AM on April 9, 2015 [9 favorites]
Well, one thing is that if you're in an established boyfriend/girlfriend, mutually exclusive relationship where you see each other several times a week, it's OK to not bring a gift every time you see her. She's your girlfriend because she likes being with you as a person, not because stuff. And if getting her flowers or other gifts every time is seriously cutting into your budget, it's OK to have that conversation with her.
The second thing is that it seems that you might still kind of be missing the point - she says "what she likes about flowers is that they're pretty and I thought to get them for her." The point is not "I LIKE FLOWERS", the point is that getting her flowers is an indication that you are thinking of her even when you're not in her presence, and that you're paying attention when she tells you about things she likes. If she likes cute puppy pics and you stumble on an especially cute one while goofing off online, go ahead and send it to her right after you find it. Like the flowers, it demonstrates that you're thinking of her and that you know she likes a certain thing.
If you still feel like giving her something every time, that's OK too (as long as she's OK with it), but the important thing is that it's something she likes. If she likes chocolate-covered strawberries and you can make your "chocolate-covered-strawberry bouquet" idea for a couple of bucks, then sure, do that. If a trip to a botanical garden or flower show is something she'd like to do and it's cheap, sure, do that. It's the "do something nice for her" part that's important, so find out what else she likes besides flowers, and then your gifts and dates can incorporate those things, too.
You phrased your initial question as all about things you don't like, but gifts are all about what the recipient likes, not about what the giver likes.
posted by soundguy99 at 7:20 AM on April 9, 2015 [9 favorites]
I think all these ideas of flower experiences and flower-adjacent gifts are completely off the mark. If a person likes her boyfriend to bring her flowers, that does not mean that she likes all things flower, and it is NOT THE SAME as going to a flower show, flower-shaped jewelry, books about flowers and flowers printed on tote bags. And researching exotic flowers that are interesting for you is NOT THE SAME as whatever her preference is.
Your job is to observe her, listen to her, and then find SOMETHING ELSE she likes that you can bring her on alternate occasions. For me, the most romantic gift my boyfriend got me was a box of Cap'n Crunch cereal, because he knew that I liked it and I wouldn't buy it for myself (too indulgent, not healthy, etc) but on one special occasion, that's what he got for me and it made me so happy.
So, yeah, buy her flowers occasionally, exactly the way she likes them, but also surprise her in the interim with something that you have noticed ABOUT HER that she will like.
posted by CathyG at 7:23 AM on April 9, 2015 [29 favorites]
Your job is to observe her, listen to her, and then find SOMETHING ELSE she likes that you can bring her on alternate occasions. For me, the most romantic gift my boyfriend got me was a box of Cap'n Crunch cereal, because he knew that I liked it and I wouldn't buy it for myself (too indulgent, not healthy, etc) but on one special occasion, that's what he got for me and it made me so happy.
So, yeah, buy her flowers occasionally, exactly the way she likes them, but also surprise her in the interim with something that you have noticed ABOUT HER that she will like.
posted by CathyG at 7:23 AM on April 9, 2015 [29 favorites]
Er to clarify:
I'm just confused about what nice thing a person could do that is cheaper than a $5 bouquet of grocery flowers when the recipient has specifically said what she loves is flowers
I mean sometimes my fella brings me a coffee and that's pretty dang awesome, so that would be a generally under $5 thing if your gf is into coffee. But yes on preview I am wondering if she insists on being given something every time you see her, or if that is an expectation YOU have, and also how often you see each other (ergo how often this is an issue).
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 7:23 AM on April 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm just confused about what nice thing a person could do that is cheaper than a $5 bouquet of grocery flowers when the recipient has specifically said what she loves is flowers
I mean sometimes my fella brings me a coffee and that's pretty dang awesome, so that would be a generally under $5 thing if your gf is into coffee. But yes on preview I am wondering if she insists on being given something every time you see her, or if that is an expectation YOU have, and also how often you see each other (ergo how often this is an issue).
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 7:23 AM on April 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
Also, flowers are not required every time you see her. Flowers are special. Flowers are ephemeral. Nothing else is a flower.
They also will sell you one flower.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 7:26 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
They also will sell you one flower.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 7:26 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
A woman can like getting flowers as a symbolic thing without being at all interested in flower related stuff.
But you could point things outto her in a "thought you might be interested" way (botanical exhibit, flower jewelry) and see what she says about them?
posted by Omnomnom at 7:30 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
But you could point things outto her in a "thought you might be interested" way (botanical exhibit, flower jewelry) and see what she says about them?
posted by Omnomnom at 7:30 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
Hey, what about that passage in "The Little Prince" where he talks about how his rose is special because she is his rose and he cared for her?
You could do do something artsy with it and frame it for her. That's more of a bigger gift, though.
posted by Omnomnom at 7:32 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
You could do do something artsy with it and frame it for her. That's more of a bigger gift, though.
posted by Omnomnom at 7:32 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
And I'm guessing that a woman who finds flowers romantic might also appreciate handwritten tags with poem type things on them?
posted by Omnomnom at 7:39 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Omnomnom at 7:39 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
Your question is worded in such a way that it comes off as being about you. This isn't about you, it's about your girlfriend. So just get her what she wants.
If she were to say to you "I would like a new wallet for Christmas" you wouldn't say "well, I don't want to get you a wallet, I think a fire extinguisher would be a much more useful gift". Same concept.
I'm not her or you, but imho I think a $5 bouquet from Trader Joe's once a quarter is sufficient to meet her needs and yours. But you could switch it up once in a while and bring a live, flowering plant, that would last much longer than the bouquet. Or, perhaps, a live herb plant like a rosemary or basil or mint. She gets the thoughtful, you get the practical.
posted by vignettist at 7:40 AM on April 9, 2015 [5 favorites]
If she were to say to you "I would like a new wallet for Christmas" you wouldn't say "well, I don't want to get you a wallet, I think a fire extinguisher would be a much more useful gift". Same concept.
I'm not her or you, but imho I think a $5 bouquet from Trader Joe's once a quarter is sufficient to meet her needs and yours. But you could switch it up once in a while and bring a live, flowering plant, that would last much longer than the bouquet. Or, perhaps, a live herb plant like a rosemary or basil or mint. She gets the thoughtful, you get the practical.
posted by vignettist at 7:40 AM on April 9, 2015 [5 favorites]
You could get rosewater and rose petal jam. $5-$7 at your local middle eastern store.
PS. Add me to the dogpile tho. Flowers really hit The Spot in a way no other practical gift can.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 8:01 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
PS. Add me to the dogpile tho. Flowers really hit The Spot in a way no other practical gift can.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 8:01 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
Yeah, I think one of the reasons my husband is such a great gift-giver is he really listens to what I'm saying about my preferences about gifts. When we first started dating, he brought me back things from trips like coasters and little boxes made out of rushes, both of which I was rather underwhelmed by. He now knows what I like a lot better -- which is flowers and consumables.
Regarding flowers, he's slowly upped his flower game, from random bouquets of carnations at the grocery store, to going to an actual florist and selecting the flowers and arrangement himself. It gives me an extra thrill that he remembers that I like peonies and selects a few of them, that he knows I'd much prefer wildflowers to roses. He remembers that I don't eat much in the way of truffles or bonbons since I think they're too high in sugar content, and buys me boxed sets of single-origin dark chocolate bars instead. He remembers that I love an aged gouda and a peppery salami and stops by the fancy food store on the way home from work.
Just listen to your girlfriend. Besides flowers, listen to what else she'd like to be given. There are ideas everywhere, if you pay attention.
posted by peacheater at 8:20 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
Regarding flowers, he's slowly upped his flower game, from random bouquets of carnations at the grocery store, to going to an actual florist and selecting the flowers and arrangement himself. It gives me an extra thrill that he remembers that I like peonies and selects a few of them, that he knows I'd much prefer wildflowers to roses. He remembers that I don't eat much in the way of truffles or bonbons since I think they're too high in sugar content, and buys me boxed sets of single-origin dark chocolate bars instead. He remembers that I love an aged gouda and a peppery salami and stops by the fancy food store on the way home from work.
Just listen to your girlfriend. Besides flowers, listen to what else she'd like to be given. There are ideas everywhere, if you pay attention.
posted by peacheater at 8:20 AM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
OP, based on your update, it sounds like you want to give your girlfriend lots of things, some of those things will be the bouquets of flowers that she requested, but you'd also like to give her other things, because you like her lots. This is awesome.
Here's something that you need to figure out: does she actually like "flowery" things, or does she just like to get flowers?
I'm going to use myself as an example: I love getting flowers, they brighten the house or my office and smell nice and are a great, fresh reminder that Mr. Motion still likes me lots. BUT, I don't like anything else that's floral. I don't wear or decorate with floral prints, I think perfume smells gross, I plant edible vegetables in my garden instead of flowers, I think that artificial flowers/plants are an abomination, I (with help from the cats) kill houseplants, etc., etc.
All this means is that, for me, even though flowers are almost always a great gift, "flower-adjacent" things like jewelry or floral pillows or whatnot would be a not great gift. Luckily Mr. Motion knows me well enough to not make that mistake and is entirely likely to buy me yarn or sheet metal or a superhero movie on blu-ray or chocolate if he's not in the mood for buying flowers right at that time.
It's fine if you don't want to buy her flowers for every gift (that would get pretty boring!), but as far as what to get instead of flowers, I'd look to her other interests and either leave the flower part out all together, or give her some flowers along with whatever else it is. How much would I love a single stem with an envelope tied to it with tickets for 2 to a cooking class? LOTS.
posted by sparklemotion at 8:40 AM on April 9, 2015 [11 favorites]
Here's something that you need to figure out: does she actually like "flowery" things, or does she just like to get flowers?
I'm going to use myself as an example: I love getting flowers, they brighten the house or my office and smell nice and are a great, fresh reminder that Mr. Motion still likes me lots. BUT, I don't like anything else that's floral. I don't wear or decorate with floral prints, I think perfume smells gross, I plant edible vegetables in my garden instead of flowers, I think that artificial flowers/plants are an abomination, I (with help from the cats) kill houseplants, etc., etc.
All this means is that, for me, even though flowers are almost always a great gift, "flower-adjacent" things like jewelry or floral pillows or whatnot would be a not great gift. Luckily Mr. Motion knows me well enough to not make that mistake and is entirely likely to buy me yarn or sheet metal or a superhero movie on blu-ray or chocolate if he's not in the mood for buying flowers right at that time.
It's fine if you don't want to buy her flowers for every gift (that would get pretty boring!), but as far as what to get instead of flowers, I'd look to her other interests and either leave the flower part out all together, or give her some flowers along with whatever else it is. How much would I love a single stem with an envelope tied to it with tickets for 2 to a cooking class? LOTS.
posted by sparklemotion at 8:40 AM on April 9, 2015 [11 favorites]
I would definitely check with your girlfriend about whether she's really into flowers, as a specific hobby/interest, or whether she likes receiving flowers from you as a gift. As others have said, those are two really different things. I LOVE getting flowers from my fiance, but I honestly could not care less about flowers otherwise. I do not grow them, I do not want flowers books/jewelry, and although going to a flower show could be a cool thing, it would be pretty unrelated to my interest in receiving flowers as a gift.
Some suggestions for "less expensive than a giant bouquet of flowers" gifts are:
-- a single stem...obviously a red rose is great here, but I also love one lily, one big gerbera daisy, etc. This should not be expensive!
--chocolate...I think this hits the "romantic present" thing as well, and you can easily pick out a fancy-ish bar for less than $5. (Or, you know, I like getting a plain Hershey's bar too, depends on the girl.)
--handwritten cards where you say lovely and romantic things. This is honestly probably my favorite romantic gift, and obviously is very inexpensive. You can even do it on stationary rather than cards if you like. Nothing better than a love letter!
--generally, pay attention to things she likes and thinks of as small luxuries. This is different for every person, but just paying attention to this can give you clues as to a favorite magazine, author, food, etc.
posted by rainbowbrite at 8:45 AM on April 9, 2015 [3 favorites]
Some suggestions for "less expensive than a giant bouquet of flowers" gifts are:
-- a single stem...obviously a red rose is great here, but I also love one lily, one big gerbera daisy, etc. This should not be expensive!
--chocolate...I think this hits the "romantic present" thing as well, and you can easily pick out a fancy-ish bar for less than $5. (Or, you know, I like getting a plain Hershey's bar too, depends on the girl.)
--handwritten cards where you say lovely and romantic things. This is honestly probably my favorite romantic gift, and obviously is very inexpensive. You can even do it on stationary rather than cards if you like. Nothing better than a love letter!
--generally, pay attention to things she likes and thinks of as small luxuries. This is different for every person, but just paying attention to this can give you clues as to a favorite magazine, author, food, etc.
posted by rainbowbrite at 8:45 AM on April 9, 2015 [3 favorites]
Just another data point: I love getting flowers, but I'm not terribly interested in flower-related things. Unless she specifically says she loves Everything Flower, I would assume she has enough flower-shaped jewelry and flower-print clothing thrust at her in normal female life. A book about flowers would be cute but would probably go on a shelf, never to be read.
A thing I've noticed about the male/female divide (which I'm in no way saying is innate, though it may have something to do with rates of SAD or something like that) is that whenever I've lived with or stayed with a guy, he's always kept all the curtains and windows closed all the time. It's not a fight or a struggle but I find that I'm always opening curtains to let light and air in and he (whoever he is) is always closing them. I think flowers operate in the same way, for me. I want to bring some of the outdoors inside to brighten up my day. A lot of guys seem to not care or be on that wavelength, but that's what part of what makes flowers cool to me. (Beyond just the thoughtfulness of it. There's something especially sweet about flowers, since they are purely romantic and useless. They aren't work. They're often private.)
posted by easter queen at 8:47 AM on April 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
A thing I've noticed about the male/female divide (which I'm in no way saying is innate, though it may have something to do with rates of SAD or something like that) is that whenever I've lived with or stayed with a guy, he's always kept all the curtains and windows closed all the time. It's not a fight or a struggle but I find that I'm always opening curtains to let light and air in and he (whoever he is) is always closing them. I think flowers operate in the same way, for me. I want to bring some of the outdoors inside to brighten up my day. A lot of guys seem to not care or be on that wavelength, but that's what part of what makes flowers cool to me. (Beyond just the thoughtfulness of it. There's something especially sweet about flowers, since they are purely romantic and useless. They aren't work. They're often private.)
posted by easter queen at 8:47 AM on April 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
You can get some beautiful hand made paper flowers off of etsy. Respects the wish, but is something that lasts longer.
In every style from realistic to abstract modern looking.
As someone who loves fresh cut flowers, the transience is half the beauty of them, but I can see your point of view as my husband is like you and can't see the point in something that dies. Knowing he doesn't get why I like flowers, but gets them for me anyway is half of why I like them so much when he does.
posted by wwax at 8:52 AM on April 9, 2015
In every style from realistic to abstract modern looking.
As someone who loves fresh cut flowers, the transience is half the beauty of them, but I can see your point of view as my husband is like you and can't see the point in something that dies. Knowing he doesn't get why I like flowers, but gets them for me anyway is half of why I like them so much when he does.
posted by wwax at 8:52 AM on April 9, 2015
I want to do something nice for you even if I can't afford a nice bouquet of flowers tonight.
Okay, fair enough. You know, I really like it when my husband picks up a bottle of my favorite soda or a donut from the fancy donut shop. It's a small, inexpensive thing, not a big deal at all, and it's something that I always enjoy and that makes my day considerably more pleasant.
I'm not recommending that you buy her a donut any more than I'd recommend buying her a book about flowers. Just keep an eye out for similar small everyday things that she enjoys and that you can surprise her with. Regardless of their size or complexity, the gifts and gestures that show you've been paying attention are always the most appreciated.
posted by Metroid Baby at 8:53 AM on April 9, 2015 [6 favorites]
Okay, fair enough. You know, I really like it when my husband picks up a bottle of my favorite soda or a donut from the fancy donut shop. It's a small, inexpensive thing, not a big deal at all, and it's something that I always enjoy and that makes my day considerably more pleasant.
I'm not recommending that you buy her a donut any more than I'd recommend buying her a book about flowers. Just keep an eye out for similar small everyday things that she enjoys and that you can surprise her with. Regardless of their size or complexity, the gifts and gestures that show you've been paying attention are always the most appreciated.
posted by Metroid Baby at 8:53 AM on April 9, 2015 [6 favorites]
I do not like to give her flowers. I just stop at the corner store and spend some money and then she puts them in a vase for a few days. I'd much rather give her something novel or useful or that would be interesting for me to obtain or that we could enjoy together
Well I think there are a few ways of approaching this
1. Find a way to make obtaining what she wants more interesting for you
2. Give something flower-like that is not flowers
3. Give something "I care about you" gift-like that is not flowers and may not have to be flowery at all
So my guy gets me flowers sometimes and it's always a bit weird because I like flowers but his mom's birthday is right before Valentine's Day and he just goes online and clicks "2" instead of "1" on the webform and that's not really that great. But one time he sent me a bamboo plant because I sent him one when we were first dating and he loved it and wanted to share it. So it was neater )note: we have an LDR so he can't always show up with this stuff).
So I try to be very "It's the thought that counts" about this but what I care about is that something is specific to me, means you were thinking about me and gives me something to enjoy when you're not there. So wth that in mind to the three options above
1. go pick out a bouquet someplace more interesting with her in mind. Farmer's Market, high end supermarket, actual florist. Hell go pick some flowers for her.
2. bamboo, moss gardens, succulents, cacti, orchids, bonsai, grass in a glass
3. Small tokens if she is a very gifty person like foods she specifically loves (in small amounts) or special things to cook with (truffle oil) or a birdfeeder or something. Think about a present that you could get once and the bring little "upgrades" like maybe a terrarium that you could bring new little plants for and it would grow over time.
But I don't think any of these are really "Flower themed without being flowers" and I'd suggest against that plan because I don't think it will achieve the goals you are trying to achieve.
posted by jessamyn at 10:04 AM on April 9, 2015 [5 favorites]
Well I think there are a few ways of approaching this
1. Find a way to make obtaining what she wants more interesting for you
2. Give something flower-like that is not flowers
3. Give something "I care about you" gift-like that is not flowers and may not have to be flowery at all
So my guy gets me flowers sometimes and it's always a bit weird because I like flowers but his mom's birthday is right before Valentine's Day and he just goes online and clicks "2" instead of "1" on the webform and that's not really that great. But one time he sent me a bamboo plant because I sent him one when we were first dating and he loved it and wanted to share it. So it was neater )note: we have an LDR so he can't always show up with this stuff).
So I try to be very "It's the thought that counts" about this but what I care about is that something is specific to me, means you were thinking about me and gives me something to enjoy when you're not there. So wth that in mind to the three options above
1. go pick out a bouquet someplace more interesting with her in mind. Farmer's Market, high end supermarket, actual florist. Hell go pick some flowers for her.
2. bamboo, moss gardens, succulents, cacti, orchids, bonsai, grass in a glass
3. Small tokens if she is a very gifty person like foods she specifically loves (in small amounts) or special things to cook with (truffle oil) or a birdfeeder or something. Think about a present that you could get once and the bring little "upgrades" like maybe a terrarium that you could bring new little plants for and it would grow over time.
But I don't think any of these are really "Flower themed without being flowers" and I'd suggest against that plan because I don't think it will achieve the goals you are trying to achieve.
posted by jessamyn at 10:04 AM on April 9, 2015 [5 favorites]
She might like that the flowers wilt after a few days. I have a house full of stuff and don't need more stuff, so I like presents that go away.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:37 AM on April 9, 2015 [15 favorites]
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:37 AM on April 9, 2015 [15 favorites]
I'd much rather give her something novel or useful or that would be interesting for me to obtain or that we could enjoy togetherWell, there are plenty of gifts that fit those criteria, but they're not especially romantic. A handwritten, sincere letter or poem would be especially romantic, and certainly be novel and interesting for you to obtain.
posted by redlines at 10:57 AM on April 9, 2015
I'm just confused about what nice thing a person could do that is cheaper than a $5 bouquet of grocery flowers when the recipient has specifically said what she loves is flowers
Yeah, I feel like you can almost always get flowers cheaper than you can get the pound of butter mentioned in the post. This doesn't seem like it's about the cost.
I'm wondering if maybe the other commentator was spot on when he was wondering how you felt about your girlfriend liking flowers - if it seemed too traditional for you and you felt uncomfortable with it, and wanted things to seem 'more equal/modern'.
If that's the issue, you should work that issue out, not express it in flower resentment.
posted by corb at 11:37 AM on April 9, 2015
Yeah, I feel like you can almost always get flowers cheaper than you can get the pound of butter mentioned in the post. This doesn't seem like it's about the cost.
I'm wondering if maybe the other commentator was spot on when he was wondering how you felt about your girlfriend liking flowers - if it seemed too traditional for you and you felt uncomfortable with it, and wanted things to seem 'more equal/modern'.
If that's the issue, you should work that issue out, not express it in flower resentment.
posted by corb at 11:37 AM on April 9, 2015
Bath flakes that are shaped like petals and smell good. For most women, they hit the same indulgent and sensual note as fresh flowers.
posted by rada at 11:49 AM on April 9, 2015
posted by rada at 11:49 AM on April 9, 2015
So there are basically three main reasons why flowers are a nice gift, and you can see these reasons being echoed in a lot of people's responses:
1. They indicate you're thinking about her at times when you aren't with her. Spontaneity is a big deal on this one. Flowers on a special occasion are romantic and appreciated, of course, but flowers on an unremarkable day where work was kind of shitty and then the train stalled on the way home are moved-to-tears romantic and appreciated.
2. It shows you pay attention and respect what she likes. One of the sweetest little gifts I ever got from my SO was a bag of those rye chips that he'd gotten at the corner store while buying unrelated stuff while I was at work. "These are one of your favorites, right?" I'd never said anything particularly about those chips, he just noticed that those were usually what I got if I was getting chips with a sandwich or something. $2 bag of chips: actually pretty romantic.
3. They're a nice treat that she probably wouldn't get for herself. There is something genuinely pleasing, for a lot of people (maybe not you) about having flowers and the whole ritual of getting out a nice vase and putting them in there and having them to look at, but for most people it's not so nice that they think about it often enough to do it for themselves, unless they really like flowers. Someone mentioned fancy coffee (or hot chocolate) up above, which kind of falls into the same niche: maybe you treat yourself sometimes, but it's not something you get just because.
Anyway, these three reasons don't really lend themselves to making up a list of flower-adjacent things to give instead of flowers, but they make a good-jumping off point for thinking about how and why you give gifts to your girlfriend, and about what gifts she'd like and in what situations.
posted by kagredon at 1:17 PM on April 9, 2015 [7 favorites]
1. They indicate you're thinking about her at times when you aren't with her. Spontaneity is a big deal on this one. Flowers on a special occasion are romantic and appreciated, of course, but flowers on an unremarkable day where work was kind of shitty and then the train stalled on the way home are moved-to-tears romantic and appreciated.
2. It shows you pay attention and respect what she likes. One of the sweetest little gifts I ever got from my SO was a bag of those rye chips that he'd gotten at the corner store while buying unrelated stuff while I was at work. "These are one of your favorites, right?" I'd never said anything particularly about those chips, he just noticed that those were usually what I got if I was getting chips with a sandwich or something. $2 bag of chips: actually pretty romantic.
3. They're a nice treat that she probably wouldn't get for herself. There is something genuinely pleasing, for a lot of people (maybe not you) about having flowers and the whole ritual of getting out a nice vase and putting them in there and having them to look at, but for most people it's not so nice that they think about it often enough to do it for themselves, unless they really like flowers. Someone mentioned fancy coffee (or hot chocolate) up above, which kind of falls into the same niche: maybe you treat yourself sometimes, but it's not something you get just because.
Anyway, these three reasons don't really lend themselves to making up a list of flower-adjacent things to give instead of flowers, but they make a good-jumping off point for thinking about how and why you give gifts to your girlfriend, and about what gifts she'd like and in what situations.
posted by kagredon at 1:17 PM on April 9, 2015 [7 favorites]
I don't know where all of you guys live, but a bouquet of flowers is NOT $5. Maaaaybe $15-20 for a crappy bouquet from the grocery store that will not last more than a few days.
Personally, I love getting flowers but I also agree that they are the most impractical waste of money ever. I get flowers from my guy once a year at most, because he is even more practical than I am with things like that. But I also really admire that quality in him, and know he loves me and thinks of me all the time, so the flowers don't mean much even though they do make my day.
That said, I have hinted to him that it might be nice to get just 1 beautiful colorful flower (instead of him spending $70 on a bouquet), or 1 rose, or a pot of blooming tulips (now is the right season for that!). I also LOVE unique tiny cactuses, so I would appreciate one just as much as flowers. So you can definitely do thoughtful on a budget, or I guess, 'thoughtful but less wasteful' is the better description here.
And whether or not you can substitute live plants/other gifts instead of flowers really depends on your girlfriend - you know her best! If she likes fancy soaps, then surprising her with a fancy soap/bath products can feel just as luxurious as being surprised by flowers.
posted by never.was.and.never.will.be. at 1:19 PM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
Personally, I love getting flowers but I also agree that they are the most impractical waste of money ever. I get flowers from my guy once a year at most, because he is even more practical than I am with things like that. But I also really admire that quality in him, and know he loves me and thinks of me all the time, so the flowers don't mean much even though they do make my day.
That said, I have hinted to him that it might be nice to get just 1 beautiful colorful flower (instead of him spending $70 on a bouquet), or 1 rose, or a pot of blooming tulips (now is the right season for that!). I also LOVE unique tiny cactuses, so I would appreciate one just as much as flowers. So you can definitely do thoughtful on a budget, or I guess, 'thoughtful but less wasteful' is the better description here.
And whether or not you can substitute live plants/other gifts instead of flowers really depends on your girlfriend - you know her best! If she likes fancy soaps, then surprising her with a fancy soap/bath products can feel just as luxurious as being surprised by flowers.
posted by never.was.and.never.will.be. at 1:19 PM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
I don't know where all of you guys live, but a bouquet of flowers is NOT $5. Maaaaybe $15-20 for a crappy bouquet from the grocery store that will not last more than a few days.
Just for point of reference and cost: I live in a major city in the U.S., and our Trader Joe's regularly sells smaller bouquets in the $5-7 range. I have also lived in NYC, where the OP lives, and regularly purchased bouquets from the sidewalk vendors/farmers markets in that same price range. Since the OP mentioned "corner store" I assume his GF isn't talking about professionally arranged bouquets--more like 10 daisies with some random green fluff.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 1:52 PM on April 9, 2015 [4 favorites]
Just for point of reference and cost: I live in a major city in the U.S., and our Trader Joe's regularly sells smaller bouquets in the $5-7 range. I have also lived in NYC, where the OP lives, and regularly purchased bouquets from the sidewalk vendors/farmers markets in that same price range. Since the OP mentioned "corner store" I assume his GF isn't talking about professionally arranged bouquets--more like 10 daisies with some random green fluff.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 1:52 PM on April 9, 2015 [4 favorites]
don't know where all of you guys live, but a bouquet of flowers is NOT $5
Rural Vermont. Farmer's Market arrangements are about $5. Supermarket flowers (decent stuff, not carnations and a leaf) can be had for $7-15 depending on when in the week you show up. A bouquet of supermarket roses is about $20, maybe.
posted by jessamyn at 2:24 PM on April 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
Rural Vermont. Farmer's Market arrangements are about $5. Supermarket flowers (decent stuff, not carnations and a leaf) can be had for $7-15 depending on when in the week you show up. A bouquet of supermarket roses is about $20, maybe.
posted by jessamyn at 2:24 PM on April 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
DC. Saw some perfectly nice bouquets for $5 in Walgreens just this morning, bought two bouquets at Aldi last Saturday for $8.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 3:02 PM on April 9, 2015
posted by a fiendish thingy at 3:02 PM on April 9, 2015
I don't know where all of you guys live, but a bouquet of flowers is NOT $5.
Maaaaybe you don't have a Trader Joe's in your neighborhood. Hell, you can get a really nice bouquet for $10 at Costco.
We're (I'm) fortunate that we live in LA and my hubby's work occasionally takes him down near the wholesale flower district a couple of times a year, so I usually get a bouquet if he's been down there. I suspect most major cities have a similar wholesale district.
posted by vignettist at 3:18 PM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
Maaaaybe you don't have a Trader Joe's in your neighborhood. Hell, you can get a really nice bouquet for $10 at Costco.
We're (I'm) fortunate that we live in LA and my hubby's work occasionally takes him down near the wholesale flower district a couple of times a year, so I usually get a bouquet if he's been down there. I suspect most major cities have a similar wholesale district.
posted by vignettist at 3:18 PM on April 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
I might reference the episode of Parks and Recreation where it's Ron's birthday. Ann scares him by telling him all about the awesome suprise party Leslie threw her for her last birthday. You know what Leslie gets Ron? Something HE wants: a big armchair, his favorite movie, a steak, and alone time. She's extremely thoughtful.
When you give a gift, it is something for someone else - not you. If it's not what they want, then it's not really for them - it's not thoughtful and not a gift.
If you want to buy butter and have a baking date, do it! Just don't pretend it's a present for her, because it's not.
posted by jrobin276 at 3:42 PM on April 9, 2015 [6 favorites]
When you give a gift, it is something for someone else - not you. If it's not what they want, then it's not really for them - it's not thoughtful and not a gift.
If you want to buy butter and have a baking date, do it! Just don't pretend it's a present for her, because it's not.
posted by jrobin276 at 3:42 PM on April 9, 2015 [6 favorites]
not to be picky, but this: I'd much rather give her something novel or useful or that would be interesting for me to obtain or that we could enjoy together
doesn't jive with this:I want to do something nice for you even if I can't afford a nice bouquet of flowers tonight
it's ok for you to want to do stuff that you can do together, and it's actually kinda GOOD for you to be somewhat self interested when you get stuff for you guys as a couple, but it seems like you just dont want to get her flowers unless they are like... nice flowers? Unless she has said she doesn't like the five dollar bouquet from the corner store, you're moving goal posts on her behalf. That's a little weird.
If i follow correctly she has been saying "i want flowers!" and you are thinking "flowers are not interesting to get or satisfying for me to buy and the nice ones are expensive, what can i do that also satisfies me?"
Just, dude- does she actually like flower-themed stuff because flower-themed stuff really, really isnt flowers. Maybe you want to just keep going with the every three months getting her a bouquet from the bodega?
posted by Blisterlips at 3:47 PM on April 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
doesn't jive with this:I want to do something nice for you even if I can't afford a nice bouquet of flowers tonight
it's ok for you to want to do stuff that you can do together, and it's actually kinda GOOD for you to be somewhat self interested when you get stuff for you guys as a couple, but it seems like you just dont want to get her flowers unless they are like... nice flowers? Unless she has said she doesn't like the five dollar bouquet from the corner store, you're moving goal posts on her behalf. That's a little weird.
If i follow correctly she has been saying "i want flowers!" and you are thinking "flowers are not interesting to get or satisfying for me to buy and the nice ones are expensive, what can i do that also satisfies me?"
Just, dude- does she actually like flower-themed stuff because flower-themed stuff really, really isnt flowers. Maybe you want to just keep going with the every three months getting her a bouquet from the bodega?
posted by Blisterlips at 3:47 PM on April 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
Has seriously no one by this point suggested that you just go outside, find some flowers, and pick them yourself?
If you're in the Northern Hemisphere, you're in luck! It's spring! There are flowers, for free, outside! If you're in a city and not close to nature I even give you permission to pinch a daffodil or two from a neighbour's window box. Give the lady some flowers you had to break some rules to acquire.
(And, omg, I think buying flowers is soooo dumb {not to mention these types of expected/requested "gifts" in general... sheesh}, and if I were straight I might have written your question myself. Don't sweat the pile-on.)
posted by wats at 7:45 PM on April 9, 2015
If you're in the Northern Hemisphere, you're in luck! It's spring! There are flowers, for free, outside! If you're in a city and not close to nature I even give you permission to pinch a daffodil or two from a neighbour's window box. Give the lady some flowers you had to break some rules to acquire.
(And, omg, I think buying flowers is soooo dumb {not to mention these types of expected/requested "gifts" in general... sheesh}, and if I were straight I might have written your question myself. Don't sweat the pile-on.)
posted by wats at 7:45 PM on April 9, 2015
Ah, you know what might be a nice compromise? Some lovely potpourri.
posted by h00py at 8:49 AM on April 10, 2015
posted by h00py at 8:49 AM on April 10, 2015
I often pick up some beef jerky for my current guy from a store I know he likes, and he said it was his favorite little gift, and always texts me when he's eating it when we're not together (mostly like MMM Jerky) , that's how much he likes it. I found out they have a class on how to make it and asked if he wanted to try that and he was like, "well, I don't see myself making a lot of jerky in the future so, can we try something else?" He likes the jerky and likes that I think of him when I get it, but not much beyond that.
So another vote for "just because she likes flowers doesn't mean she wants to go to flower shows or learn flower arranging or get flower pins and things."
Just because she likes flowers doesn't mean she wants to delve deeply into the world of horticulture. Just get her the flowers.
posted by sweetkid at 9:16 AM on April 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
So another vote for "just because she likes flowers doesn't mean she wants to go to flower shows or learn flower arranging or get flower pins and things."
Just because she likes flowers doesn't mean she wants to delve deeply into the world of horticulture. Just get her the flowers.
posted by sweetkid at 9:16 AM on April 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Weeping_angel at 9:47 PM on April 8, 2015 [85 favorites]