Best practices when dealing with mentally ill stranger

April 1, 2015 8:07 PM

How do I politely and professionally handle a situation with a mentally ill person when hosting public events?

Today I ran an event that finished on the porch at a local bar/restaurant. At one point during the evening, a man came up to the group and began asking for money and beer.

This was a private party, but one of the attendees obliged by giving him a beer. He then took a seat and began yelling very loudly, banging his hands on the railing, etc. He was possibly homeless, and was explaining that he was a veteran in Vietnam, killed 300 people, got shot in the leg, etc. He was also offering one of the event attendees a tattoo and generally causing a scene

I was in charge of this event, however, as a young, 5'2" person, I was not sure of the correct response to his actions. Should I have asked him to leave because this is a private party? Should I have contacted the manager? Both seemed insensitive and possibly inflammatory at the time. After some more yelling/banging on the railing he eventually left, but I'm not sure if there was a better way for me to handle this.

posted by Rage-chel to Human Relations (10 answers total)

Best answer: Absolutely talk to the manager of the bar/restaurant. Odds are the manager has dealt with this person before, and even if they haven't, they've dealt with people causing a scene.
posted by Etrigan at 8:12 PM on April 1, 2015 [14 favorites]

If this private event was in a private place, you'd be in a tougher position, but in an establishment it is the manager's job to handle this kind of thing. You're bringing him a lot of business (and possibly paying an event fee as well); it's in his interest to keep you and your attendees happy.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 8:21 PM on April 1, 2015 [2 favorites]

Nthing getting the manager. This is what the statement "we have the right to refuse service" on restaurant menus means.
posted by brujita at 8:22 PM on April 1, 2015 [1 favorite]

In this case yes get the manager.

In future cases, particularly if it's your job to fix it, call the police. Tell them there's a person behaving in an erratic manner who will not leave and you need help. Don't make suppositions of possible potential violence, don't call the person's mental health into question. Just say it plainly exactly what it is, the person is behaving erratically, and they'll send someone out. Usually the cops will usher the guy out and just tell him to take it down the block.
posted by phunniemee at 8:35 PM on April 1, 2015 [4 favorites]

Your first duty is to your guests--letting him disrupt their event is more insensitive than asking him to leave.
posted by Ideefixe at 8:47 PM on April 1, 2015 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: Thank you all! Looking back, that was definitely what I should have done! Next time I'll know how to respond.
posted by Rage-chel at 8:53 PM on April 1, 2015

This is an interesting question. Having faced this scenario before generally I favor de-escalation. Yes, in this case the manager would have been the natural step, but you say he eventually left anyway. And sometimes there is no manager to call, frankly. I operate on the assumption that people acting out to the extent of possibly being high or mentally ill, are still looking for acknowledgement, attention, and to be treated like a normal human being. Danger is one thing -- don't do this when you feel in danger, then leave or call the cops -- but most of the time if you engage people on their level and treat them AS IF they are behaving normally, as if their concerns or problems are important, they often start ... behaving more normally.

It's hard to explain but it definitely works. Everyone has a point of view and social norms are very strong once engaged.
posted by tooloudinhere at 9:01 PM on April 1, 2015 [9 favorites]

but most of the time if you engage people on their level and treat them AS IF they are behaving normally, as if their concerns or problems are important, they often start ... behaving more normally.

Um, this has never been my experience with a homeless mentally ill person. At the very least, when I have tried to do what you suggest (talking to them "normally"), they have used that as an opportunity to ask for even more money and get even more belligerent. I wish it were otherwise.
posted by Melismata at 4:52 AM on April 2, 2015 [5 favorites]

You don't know whether this person was mentally ill, or whether he was just drunk, or just an asshole.

I would have first asked him to leave, then if necessary called the manager, or barring that, the cops.

Mental illness doesn't excuse asshole behaviour like barging in on a private gathering, demanding money & alcohol and being disruptive.
posted by sparklemotion at 7:01 AM on April 2, 2015 [3 favorites]

If you can get someone larger/more experienced dealing with throwing people out to throw him out, default to that. Personally, I would not call the cops in a situation like this unless I had no other choice/unless the man's behavior was not just loud and uninvited and "erratic" but threatening to a specific person or people. A homeless, likely-mentally-ill person is far more likely to get hurt if you call the cops on them than they are to hurt a crowd of partygoers. Obviously that's a subjective determination, but it's something to consider.
posted by Stukos at 7:39 AM on April 2, 2015 [1 favorite]