Overwhelmed by jobbing and job searching at once. What to do?

March 27, 2015 5:08 AM

I'm looking to jump ship from my current job, and I'm struggling with keeping my cool. I've been dealing with some pretty rough anxiety as I respond to recruiters and companies, slip out of the office for interviews, prepare presentations for said interviews, and do it over and over again with multiple businesses. How can I deal with the guilt of completely dialing it in at work so I can find a new job?

I could use some advice. Here's the overview:
- I work at a small tech company with a very relaxed time off policy, so nothing I'm doing by taking some hours off here and there during my job search is technically wrong
- Morale on my team is the lowest it's ever been, and I am feeling very negative during work hours
- I'm getting my work done, but just barely. I am typically an overachiever and have been dealing with burnout for several months, and I can't keep up the level of engagement and productivity I have in the past
- I've been actively interviewing with almost a dozen businesses, and each interview requires several rounds, presentation prep, video calls, quick responses to emails, slinking in and out of the office, "getting coffee," lying to my manager...
- I have a ~12 hour a week commitment to classes on top of this, and after having a social life there is minimal time for self care

I'm now at the point where I'm experiencing severe anxiety anytime I am alone, and I need to find time to talk to a therapist. I've scheduled more formal vacation time off of work and crammed it full with as many interviews as possible, but I'm beginning to feel like I should quit my job so I can avoid losing my mind.

How do I deal with my guilt? Is it reasonable to just quit? Should I give up on hunting for a new job, and suck it up? Or should I just grind hard until something comes through? I don't know how long it will take me to nail down a new gig, but I have enough savings for a few months off work.

posted by anonymous to Work & Money (5 answers total)

I'm getting my work done

This is all that matters. You are meeting your obligations. You needn't feel guilty.

As for fibbing to your coworkers: this is just a necessary part of the process of job-hunting. No one wants to do it, but everyone does. If you were honest about what you're doing, then you'd tip your hand: your employer might replace you before you find another job, or find ways to punish you for the perceived slight. (And if you end up not finding a job, you'd be the guy who tried to quit—and you might get replaced anyway.) Basically, there's a power imbalance between you and your employer.

You want two things here: you want to find a new job, and you want to be honest with your coworkers. There is no way to achieve both of these things at the same time, at least not without exposing yourself to a lot of risk. Fibbing is a way to correct the power imbalance and mitigate your risk. It is a tactical move that is made necessary by the nature of employment in a capitalist system. No reasonable person will fault you for this.

Completely aside from that: what you do during your time away from work is none of your coworkers' business. You have the right to do whatever you like on your own time—including attending job interviews—without telling your coworkers about it. If your company allows you to manage your own schedule, then it doesn't matter whether you spend your personal time getting a haircut, taking a nap, going to the movies, taking classes, or going to a job interview.

If your team's morale is as bad as you say it is, some of them are probably doing the same thing you're doing.

And terrible morale also makes me suspect that your company is failing you. If your company isn't living up to their obligation to provide you with a sane work environment, sane expectations, sane management, sufficient resources, etc., then you needn't feel a trace of guilt about taking your skills and selling them to another company that will. That's a goddamn human right as far as I'm concerned.

Is it reasonable to just quit?

Only you can decide whether this is tactically a wise move. If you have savings, and you feel confident that you could land a job before the savings run out, then it's an option—but it's always going to be a risk.

Should I give up on hunting for a new job, and suck it up?

It sounds like you're miserable at your current job. That's a thing that happens, for all sorts of reasons, but there's no reason to stay in a situation that makes you miserable—working a job you hate ruins your whole life. It's great that you're taking steps to correct the situation. Job hunting is hard work, but I've never regretted doing it.

So, no—I don't think you should give up on the job hunt. I think you should keep plugging away, even though it can be tiring, and find a job that will make you happier and less anxious.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 5:55 AM on March 27, 2015 [8 favorites]

Unless you're very highly in demand, don't quit. You're more desirable to the next job if you're still currently employed.

You're doing things right. I would suggest throwing money at the time management aspect this problem if you haven't already and can afford to do so. Still cooking yourself dinner amidst this nonsense? No. Healthy quick takeout or delivery. Doing your own laundry? No. Dry clean and wash and fold. Ditto a cleaning lady for home and taking cabs where needed if quicker. Really need groceries? Get em delivered. All those basic life care things that take time? Pay someone else to do them for a bit.
posted by slateyness at 6:27 AM on March 27, 2015 [1 favorite]

Oh, and put the social life on pause. Focus on this one thing now.
posted by slateyness at 6:29 AM on March 27, 2015 [1 favorite]

You don't need to feel guilty about doing what is best for yourself. If your company felt it would be best to fire you, they wouldn't hesitate. People quit jobs (and secretly interview for new jobs) every single day. This is how life works and it's normal.

I know you may feel bad about lying, because lying isn't nice, but this is frankly the sort of lie any manager expects to be told and every employee has to say. This is one of those things you are supposed to lie about -- at least until you accept a new job. I worked with a girl who told her boss she was unhappy in her current role and was looking for a new job -- guess who got laid off as soon as the company downsized? She wasn't ready to lose her job, and as far as I know she still hasn't found a new one. Finding a new job is much easier when you have one. Being unemployed simply makes you less desirable.

I don't think you need to quit your job, and I'm not sure what good that would do, especially if you rely on the income to pay your bills. If you are at a point where you are willing to quit anyway, then why worry so much about doing a good job? Let your performance dip a little. Spend more of your time focusing on looking for a new job and less on your current job. That is always my advice for these sort of AskMe questions -- as I always mention, I've literally updated my resume and applied to new jobs while at my current job. If this is tough thing to balance, then you just need to tip the scales toward the thing you want, which is finding a new job.
posted by AppleTurnover at 10:06 AM on March 27, 2015 [2 favorites]

I quit my last job while still interviewing (tech industry) and it worked out fine. That said, it is risky. Can you afford to have no income for a few weeks if you don't find a new position? How would you feel about taking a suboptimal position just to get out of your current job? Basically decide how much risk you are able to afford.

Beyond that, don't give in to the feeling that you are not being "loyal" to your employer. If they wanted to keep you they would be doing something to make you want to stay. As soon as you aren't getting anything you want out of the position, I see no ethical reason for staying or putting in 110% at the office. Just do the minimum and maybe start planning how you're going to hand over your responsibilities to the next guy.
posted by deathpanels at 4:44 PM on March 28, 2015