How do you change your style of motivation?
March 6, 2015 4:09 AM Subscribe
If you're someone who gets initially super excited about something and makes a lot of initial progress before getting bored or discouraged and quitting, how do you change that into a more constant level of motivation?
Basically in the olden days you would call me a dilettante - someone with lots of interests but no in-depth knowledge.
I've been like this about photography, classical music (appreciation not playing), drawing, and God knows what else. I get really excited about a new field, learn just enough to get me from absolute novice to sort of 'advanced beginner' level, then I quit because I lose interest. I like the challenge of learning new skills or acquiring new knowledge, but am not great at keeping with it to get to a really high level of proficiency. On the bright side, I don't lose the knowledge I have, so I know a little bit about a lot of things.
Right now, as some of you will know because you've been very encouraging on the way, I'm trying to get fit. For a few months now I've been all invested in increasing my physical fitness. Joined a gym, going regularly, reading up on all sorts of fitness stuff on the net, gradually getting better. Here too I have started out an absolute novice (fat and out of shape, never set foot in a gym in all my life) and have been really enjoying getting to grips with what is essentially an alien discipline for me. Even in a few months I am noticing real improvement in how I feel. It's great! But I am worried I'll flatline out in a few months time, stop feeling excited about going to the gym or a new class, and then I'll stop going. And unlike with other hobbies or interests, if I stop exercising I'll actually harm my physical health. So I think this is something I need to nip in the bud.
Does anyone have any tips on how not to quit something when it stops being new and exciting? I am particularly interested in people who have started out like me and managed to change that. Thanks for your help Mefites. You are always amazing!
Basically in the olden days you would call me a dilettante - someone with lots of interests but no in-depth knowledge.
I've been like this about photography, classical music (appreciation not playing), drawing, and God knows what else. I get really excited about a new field, learn just enough to get me from absolute novice to sort of 'advanced beginner' level, then I quit because I lose interest. I like the challenge of learning new skills or acquiring new knowledge, but am not great at keeping with it to get to a really high level of proficiency. On the bright side, I don't lose the knowledge I have, so I know a little bit about a lot of things.
Right now, as some of you will know because you've been very encouraging on the way, I'm trying to get fit. For a few months now I've been all invested in increasing my physical fitness. Joined a gym, going regularly, reading up on all sorts of fitness stuff on the net, gradually getting better. Here too I have started out an absolute novice (fat and out of shape, never set foot in a gym in all my life) and have been really enjoying getting to grips with what is essentially an alien discipline for me. Even in a few months I am noticing real improvement in how I feel. It's great! But I am worried I'll flatline out in a few months time, stop feeling excited about going to the gym or a new class, and then I'll stop going. And unlike with other hobbies or interests, if I stop exercising I'll actually harm my physical health. So I think this is something I need to nip in the bud.
Does anyone have any tips on how not to quit something when it stops being new and exciting? I am particularly interested in people who have started out like me and managed to change that. Thanks for your help Mefites. You are always amazing!
Don't just abandon your old interests forever. Think of it like a bunch of dishes you're cooking on a stove. When one starts to boil over you can focus on that, but once that's under control you jump back to one of the others. If you haven't done something for a while, perhaps it can feel exciting to you again. There's no rule that you have to start a thing and work on that thing exclusively until it's done.
Some people don't start any project without seeing it through, even if it becomes a slog. You could try that, just to see how it goes. Commit to a drawing project, for example; say you will draw one monkey a day for a year, and just keep drawing those damn monkeys no matter what. It's not a big deal to do one monkey a day, and at the end you'll have 365 monkeys and you'll probably be a lot better at drawing monkeys at least.
Perhaps it could also help to join some group where you're expected to produce regular results, or partner with a friend. Let your friends shame you into making progress.
If there's any way to monetize one of your hobbies, consider it. I make my living selling smutty eBooks, and it's definitely forced me to keep writing and not be so precious about it. Even if I've got writer's block, I have to keep producing. Sometimes my work isn't as good, but people still buy it and that's what pen names are for. And every day I'm writing smut, I learn things about writing.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 4:28 AM on March 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
Some people don't start any project without seeing it through, even if it becomes a slog. You could try that, just to see how it goes. Commit to a drawing project, for example; say you will draw one monkey a day for a year, and just keep drawing those damn monkeys no matter what. It's not a big deal to do one monkey a day, and at the end you'll have 365 monkeys and you'll probably be a lot better at drawing monkeys at least.
Perhaps it could also help to join some group where you're expected to produce regular results, or partner with a friend. Let your friends shame you into making progress.
If there's any way to monetize one of your hobbies, consider it. I make my living selling smutty eBooks, and it's definitely forced me to keep writing and not be so precious about it. Even if I've got writer's block, I have to keep producing. Sometimes my work isn't as good, but people still buy it and that's what pen names are for. And every day I'm writing smut, I learn things about writing.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 4:28 AM on March 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Previously, previously.
I have the exact same problem - I want to do all the things (play a dozen instruments, learn fiber art, sculpt, paint, tango, lift weights, run) but I don't want to keep doing all the things. I read Barbara Sher's book "Refuse to Choose," in which she labels people like us as scanners, and got some ideas that have helped me. I do allow myself to take a workshop in something new, like screenprinting; I don't allow myself to blow hundreds of dollars on equipment until I stick with it for several months.
As far as fitness goes, a little self-awareness might help. You know you tend to get bored and when you feel it happening you can either work on being more disciplined and focused, or you can shift your focus just a little. There are so many ways to move your body - you could explore dancing, yoga, kettle bells, running, biking, weights, boxing, etc.
posted by bunderful at 4:53 AM on March 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
I have the exact same problem - I want to do all the things (play a dozen instruments, learn fiber art, sculpt, paint, tango, lift weights, run) but I don't want to keep doing all the things. I read Barbara Sher's book "Refuse to Choose," in which she labels people like us as scanners, and got some ideas that have helped me. I do allow myself to take a workshop in something new, like screenprinting; I don't allow myself to blow hundreds of dollars on equipment until I stick with it for several months.
As far as fitness goes, a little self-awareness might help. You know you tend to get bored and when you feel it happening you can either work on being more disciplined and focused, or you can shift your focus just a little. There are so many ways to move your body - you could explore dancing, yoga, kettle bells, running, biking, weights, boxing, etc.
posted by bunderful at 4:53 AM on March 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
Best answer: Does anyone have any tips on how not to quit something when it stops being new and exciting?
The great thing about exercise as opposed to some of the other things you mentioned is that you don't have to try to get to a level of proficiency. I mean, you can, but it's more important to just have fitness be part of your generalized routine. So for some people there is definitely the gifted child problem, the situation where they haven't had to work hard on something and so they find it difficult to put the time in to get good because they're used to getting good at things (i.e. schoolwork) easily. So look in the mirror and check whether that's a factor.
For me I see fitness as more like getting glasses. It's a corrective measure for something that was maybe tolerable but not great and would be getting worse as I age. So even though at first you see "results" you sort of have to stay with it for the results to work over time. This is your new normal, having a fitness routine. Go you.
So to your actual question, what has helped me
- break the big tasks into little tasks so I always have something "new" to work on. Sometimes gamification works, setting new mini-challenges or levels or having a buddy that you keep track of stuff with. Maybe have some sort of "Hey if you keep doing this for (longer goals) you get (treat yourself thing)" It's a little "Be your own Shamu" but it can work.
- make the thing part of your life in a way that makes it difficult to extract. So for me and the gym I have an ipad and I only watch certain television shows when I am at the gym. So no gym = no Elementary (or whatever). I put all my awesome shower stuff at the gym so no gym = crappy shower. You get the idea.
- don't beat yourself up if you have a temporary setback but be clear that it's temporary. When I am sick, I don't go. But this is because I am sick not because I've "given up" Make sure you use positive self-talk that makes this distinction clear
- find ways to mix up your routine within the generalized routine. So just having a fitness routine doesn't have to mean being at the gym on the stair climber. You can have a broader list of what qualifies for exercise time. Maybe it's a long hike in the woods, maybe it's running up and down stairs, maybe it's stacking firewood. In any case, have the general plan be the one you stick to, but within that have a number of different ways (and look for more new ones if novelty is a factor) where you can hit that mark.
Congrats, fitness as a routine can be really long-term gratifying. I view it like medicine honestly. I sleep better and am in a much better mood if I can stick to my habits there. Best of luck.
posted by jessamyn at 5:06 AM on March 6, 2015 [9 favorites]
The great thing about exercise as opposed to some of the other things you mentioned is that you don't have to try to get to a level of proficiency. I mean, you can, but it's more important to just have fitness be part of your generalized routine. So for some people there is definitely the gifted child problem, the situation where they haven't had to work hard on something and so they find it difficult to put the time in to get good because they're used to getting good at things (i.e. schoolwork) easily. So look in the mirror and check whether that's a factor.
For me I see fitness as more like getting glasses. It's a corrective measure for something that was maybe tolerable but not great and would be getting worse as I age. So even though at first you see "results" you sort of have to stay with it for the results to work over time. This is your new normal, having a fitness routine. Go you.
So to your actual question, what has helped me
- break the big tasks into little tasks so I always have something "new" to work on. Sometimes gamification works, setting new mini-challenges or levels or having a buddy that you keep track of stuff with. Maybe have some sort of "Hey if you keep doing this for (longer goals) you get (treat yourself thing)" It's a little "Be your own Shamu" but it can work.
- make the thing part of your life in a way that makes it difficult to extract. So for me and the gym I have an ipad and I only watch certain television shows when I am at the gym. So no gym = no Elementary (or whatever). I put all my awesome shower stuff at the gym so no gym = crappy shower. You get the idea.
- don't beat yourself up if you have a temporary setback but be clear that it's temporary. When I am sick, I don't go. But this is because I am sick not because I've "given up" Make sure you use positive self-talk that makes this distinction clear
- find ways to mix up your routine within the generalized routine. So just having a fitness routine doesn't have to mean being at the gym on the stair climber. You can have a broader list of what qualifies for exercise time. Maybe it's a long hike in the woods, maybe it's running up and down stairs, maybe it's stacking firewood. In any case, have the general plan be the one you stick to, but within that have a number of different ways (and look for more new ones if novelty is a factor) where you can hit that mark.
Congrats, fitness as a routine can be really long-term gratifying. I view it like medicine honestly. I sleep better and am in a much better mood if I can stick to my habits there. Best of luck.
posted by jessamyn at 5:06 AM on March 6, 2015 [9 favorites]
I'm like you. I've found I'm better as a worker, both on things I like and things I have to do, if I learn to say no. To myself, to friends who ask me to do stuff both. "Ooh I could do storytelling shows". Then I imagine all the steps that need to go into it and calmly say no to myself. It helps that I've now had a lot of experience teaching myself a basic level of competence at various things and then realizing how far I have to go and quitting. So just picture that when you have an urge to do it. It also helps that I have a job that involves high stress and tight deadlines at irregular intervals. So when I start to feel bored and daydream about starting a funk-metal band or whatever I remind myself that sooner rather than later some fun/scary work emergency will appear and I'll be buried in that for a month or two.
Not to say you should never take on fun side projects but whatever they are make sure they start with Action. Rather than planning. Want to start a magazine? Write 10 pieces that will appear in it. Want to learn to hunt? Go into the wood with a BB gun and shoot squirrels. That may be illegal. Don't do that. But you see what I mean. If you want to day dream that's fine, but call it what it is. I find I enjoy it more that way anyhow!
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:16 AM on March 6, 2015
Not to say you should never take on fun side projects but whatever they are make sure they start with Action. Rather than planning. Want to start a magazine? Write 10 pieces that will appear in it. Want to learn to hunt? Go into the wood with a BB gun and shoot squirrels. That may be illegal. Don't do that. But you see what I mean. If you want to day dream that's fine, but call it what it is. I find I enjoy it more that way anyhow!
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:16 AM on March 6, 2015
Best answer: First step is realizing this is a feature, not a bug. If you were able to lock onto every project and activity you ever launched with perfect discipline, you'd wind up a manic, anxious slave to your previous whims. You'd exhaust yourself keeping all the ever-increasing plates spinning, and there'd be no time or attention to devote to new interests that arise.
Bailing out of projects is fine! Times change, you change, prefs change, and stuff gets dropped. That's not bad, that's life! Eventually, you'll find a thing or three you absolutely love. You won't have to force your attention there; it will be impossible to hold it back. And in those realms, you'll plumb to deep richness. As the child is father to the man, you get to be parent to your future self, but you don't get to be tyrannical dictator to your future self. Give your future self the free will he/she deserves! Be a more understanding and supportive parent!
BUT.....there's a distinction between a project and an obligation, between an activity and a necessity. Staying in shape and eating healthy are not akin to learning about Beethoven's sonatas or working through all of Shakespeare's sonnets. So as you learn to relax a bit about not following through on the dictates of your previous self, you need to put more essential things firmly on an entirely different track.
The fact that your question lumps together photography, music appreciation, and maintaining healthfulness shows that you're a bit skewed and need to sort this all out in your head. You presumably brush your teeth every day. That's not an "interest", or a "project". It's a commitment never questioned. It's baked-in. With careful consideration to rationing your daily overhead, bake in all mandatory commitments in exactly that same spirit. And the rest....loosen up, dabble away and enjoy. It's a rich world; those who don't dabble are missing much of the richness!
posted by Quisp Lover at 9:33 AM on March 6, 2015 [6 favorites]
Bailing out of projects is fine! Times change, you change, prefs change, and stuff gets dropped. That's not bad, that's life! Eventually, you'll find a thing or three you absolutely love. You won't have to force your attention there; it will be impossible to hold it back. And in those realms, you'll plumb to deep richness. As the child is father to the man, you get to be parent to your future self, but you don't get to be tyrannical dictator to your future self. Give your future self the free will he/she deserves! Be a more understanding and supportive parent!
BUT.....there's a distinction between a project and an obligation, between an activity and a necessity. Staying in shape and eating healthy are not akin to learning about Beethoven's sonatas or working through all of Shakespeare's sonnets. So as you learn to relax a bit about not following through on the dictates of your previous self, you need to put more essential things firmly on an entirely different track.
The fact that your question lumps together photography, music appreciation, and maintaining healthfulness shows that you're a bit skewed and need to sort this all out in your head. You presumably brush your teeth every day. That's not an "interest", or a "project". It's a commitment never questioned. It's baked-in. With careful consideration to rationing your daily overhead, bake in all mandatory commitments in exactly that same spirit. And the rest....loosen up, dabble away and enjoy. It's a rich world; those who don't dabble are missing much of the richness!
posted by Quisp Lover at 9:33 AM on March 6, 2015 [6 favorites]
Best answer: The thing about exercise as compared to some other things is that you actually could change disciplines every three months and get the same or better results. My experience is that when I switch from, say, running to biking, the fitness benefits in the first couple months when my bike muscles are developing are actually greater than when I'm doing the same old 35 minutes on the same old treadmill. So, if you want to constantly switch from biking to swimming to pilates to bootcamp, it's probably a great idea. The only risk would be that you'd get sick of one before picking up another, so maybe just make a deal with yourself that you can't quit one until you're ready to actively start the next.
Another idea is that it sounds like you like challenge and new-ness and don't so much like mastery or routine. Some fitness things might lend themselves to that interest profile. I think of backpacking (where you're always finding that new location to explore) and climbing (where first you're on a top rope, then you're lead climbing with bolts, then you're setting your own protection, then you could learn ice climbing), but there are likely even better options with constant new skills or levels or challenges.
posted by salvia at 1:06 PM on March 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Another idea is that it sounds like you like challenge and new-ness and don't so much like mastery or routine. Some fitness things might lend themselves to that interest profile. I think of backpacking (where you're always finding that new location to explore) and climbing (where first you're on a top rope, then you're lead climbing with bolts, then you're setting your own protection, then you could learn ice climbing), but there are likely even better options with constant new skills or levels or challenges.
posted by salvia at 1:06 PM on March 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Is there some way to add in another thing to your fitness? I walk, for example, but when I started feeding wild birds, I found myself walking a lot more.
Having that laser-like intense focus on something is a great deal of fun, but it burns out quickly. Spreading the laser beam over a larger area or adjacent things helps me maintain the focus, because the thing I'm pointing it at doesn't melt so fast. Perhaps find another thing to do while you're exercising, or even a different manner of exercising, to keep things fresh.
posted by Solomon at 1:29 PM on March 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Having that laser-like intense focus on something is a great deal of fun, but it burns out quickly. Spreading the laser beam over a larger area or adjacent things helps me maintain the focus, because the thing I'm pointing it at doesn't melt so fast. Perhaps find another thing to do while you're exercising, or even a different manner of exercising, to keep things fresh.
posted by Solomon at 1:29 PM on March 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: You should probably pick up some Barbara Sher books, because folks like you she calls "Scanners" and doesn't consider that to be a bad thing.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:59 PM on March 6, 2015
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:59 PM on March 6, 2015
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You shouldn't be getting bored with a gym class because each day of class is different. (unless perhaps you're taking a spin class which can get pretty repetative). And I doubt you've mastered the skills of any class you've taken so being bored means that you're not really present enough to see all the things you haven't learned yet in that class, like proper form and tempo. There's always something to improve and when you see what those things are that's something "new."
posted by rancher at 4:26 AM on March 6, 2015 [2 favorites]