"It Will Get Better"
February 8, 2015 3:04 PM Subscribe
What does this even mean...?
Life for me is shit right now, and it has been for too long.
Briefly:
- Still overwhelmingly underemployed. I have a job that woefully misses the mark. It's terribly boring too.
- Job search is going badly. I'm not finding opportunities, not getting responses to applications. I have re-written my resume 3 times, to no effect. (It's mostly outright lies now.)
- I am signed up with three temp agencies; to no avail. I check in with them daily.
- I do pick up wee extra odd jobs, but it's still not nearly enough.
- Ideas I come up with seem like pipe-dreams. I don't have the resources to get anything started.
- Fucking money. I'm constantly beyond broke. I'm behind in rent. Credit card maxxed out, and in default now. I don't have have food half the time. Bus fare to get to my crappy job is an issue.
- Education is out of the question. I'd give anything to go, but I'm still in debt from my failed attempt at collage 15 years ago, and I need to afford to live now.
- There is no romance or intimacy in my life. Dating is not practical obviously.
- I've noted before, I have no family, no relatives.
- I do have some friends, and I love them. But they have jobs, money, things going on.. They are in relationships and they're travelling and getting promoted and getting married and starting businesses having babies and buying condos...and it gets depressing. I try to be inspired by them. They feel sorry for me and say things like "It will get better".
I do try VERY HARD to stay positive. I do push-ups and chin-ups in the store room in the basement of my apartment. I run outside in the cold fresh air 'til my lungs scream. I talk to old folks in the park and pet dogs on the sidewalk and hold every door open. I smile like a deranged idiot. I tell myself, "It will get better".
"It will get better". Will it? Why? Because it just does? What is the science behind that? Can I force it to get better?
I'm truly rather scared now, because i can feel bitterness welling up inside. I don't want to be bitter. If I get bitter, I'm certain things will only get worse.
But I am having trouble believing "It will get better". It's nice to hear it and was soothing at first, but now has lost all meaning. After trying everything to help/make things better, and nothing has worked, I am running out of faith.
Life for me is shit right now, and it has been for too long.
Briefly:
- Still overwhelmingly underemployed. I have a job that woefully misses the mark. It's terribly boring too.
- Job search is going badly. I'm not finding opportunities, not getting responses to applications. I have re-written my resume 3 times, to no effect. (It's mostly outright lies now.)
- I am signed up with three temp agencies; to no avail. I check in with them daily.
- I do pick up wee extra odd jobs, but it's still not nearly enough.
- Ideas I come up with seem like pipe-dreams. I don't have the resources to get anything started.
- Fucking money. I'm constantly beyond broke. I'm behind in rent. Credit card maxxed out, and in default now. I don't have have food half the time. Bus fare to get to my crappy job is an issue.
- Education is out of the question. I'd give anything to go, but I'm still in debt from my failed attempt at collage 15 years ago, and I need to afford to live now.
- There is no romance or intimacy in my life. Dating is not practical obviously.
- I've noted before, I have no family, no relatives.
- I do have some friends, and I love them. But they have jobs, money, things going on.. They are in relationships and they're travelling and getting promoted and getting married and starting businesses having babies and buying condos...and it gets depressing. I try to be inspired by them. They feel sorry for me and say things like "It will get better".
I do try VERY HARD to stay positive. I do push-ups and chin-ups in the store room in the basement of my apartment. I run outside in the cold fresh air 'til my lungs scream. I talk to old folks in the park and pet dogs on the sidewalk and hold every door open. I smile like a deranged idiot. I tell myself, "It will get better".
"It will get better". Will it? Why? Because it just does? What is the science behind that? Can I force it to get better?
I'm truly rather scared now, because i can feel bitterness welling up inside. I don't want to be bitter. If I get bitter, I'm certain things will only get worse.
But I am having trouble believing "It will get better". It's nice to hear it and was soothing at first, but now has lost all meaning. After trying everything to help/make things better, and nothing has worked, I am running out of faith.
This post was deleted for the following reason: There doesn't seem to be a question here to help answer, maybe narrow it down and hit us up on the contact form with a rewrite? -- mathowie
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posted by lunastellasol at 3:10 PM on February 8, 2015 [1 favorite]