Crucio Bitch!

November 17, 2005 5:59 PM

Am I wrong for being angry at my friend?

I bought four tickets for tonights midnight showing of Harry Potter. One for me and a date, one for my litte sister, and one for my friend Katie.

Katie is 22 years old and very nerdy, as in Klingon speaking nerdy. That's cool, I'm kind of a nerd sometimes too. I thought I would be going with my long term boyfriend, but we ended up breaking up after I bought the tickets.

I bit the bullet and asked a cute guy in my apartment complex to go in place of my boyfriend. He is *definitely not* nerdy in any way, shape or form.

Since this is our first date, I want to do everything I can to make a good impression on him. Letting him know that some of my friends are 20-somethings that dress up as fictional wizards is not my idea of a good first date impression. Katie was planning on wearing a full slytherin costume, complete with cape and magic wand.

I asked Katie as gently and as nicely as possible if she would mind wearing regular clothes to the movie tonight (my date will be driving us all there and back). I even told her that I would buy us both tickets to go see the movie again on Saturday morning and we could do the costume thing together.

Katie flat out refused. "It's tradition!" she protested. I tried to gently hint that it was really important to me. She wouldn't yield.

I'm more than a little miffed. Considering I bought the ticket for her after she couldn't find midnight tickets on her own and am indirectly providing her transportation there and back, I feel like she could have compromised on this little bit.

So what is it- am I a shallow bitch or is Katie being unreasonable?

posted by skjønn to Human Relations (64 answers total)

If your date can't handle the idea that you might have eccentric friends, then he's not worth dating.
posted by Flitcraft at 6:06 PM on November 17, 2005

I think you're a bit shallow. And you're prejudging your date too; he may be a nerd also. Shame, shame, I say.

Is he really cute?
posted by rschram at 6:07 PM on November 17, 2005

Did you explain *why* it was important to you? Because making your friends look good to dates is key friend behaviour.
posted by CunningLinguist at 6:09 PM on November 17, 2005

Response by poster: Yeah, he's really cute. :-) Also, I was going to introduce her (costume and all) to my boyfriend. It's just that some of my friends I wouldn't normally introduce on a first date...

I love my friends, just some of them can be kind of good at seeming scarily nerdy :-(
posted by skjønn at 6:10 PM on November 17, 2005

He is *definitely not* nerdy in any way, shape or form.

He's going to a midnight showing of a Harry Potter movie. If you're older than 12, that qualifies as at least a little nerdy.

I dunno, if the guy can put up with Katie (or heck even seems to enjoy being around her), that might be a good test as to whether he's worth a second date.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 6:11 PM on November 17, 2005

Response by poster: Did you explain *why* it was important to you? Because making your friends look good to dates is key friend behaviour.

Yes I did. I told her that since it was a first date, it was important for me to make a really good impression so would you please please leave the Pansy Parkinson ensemble at home?
posted by skjønn at 6:11 PM on November 17, 2005

Yep, shallow bitch sums it up. Sorry.
posted by McGuillicuddy at 6:14 PM on November 17, 2005

It's lame to try and change your friends so you can impress a guy from your apartment complex, but you probably knew that.

What Flitcraft said, plus if you have anything going for you then you can impress a guy without him worrying over (or even noticing) your friends. If you are a good person, and a good friend, then the guy will like your friends and understand why you are friends - unless he's totally unsuited to you in the first place.
posted by fire&wings at 6:14 PM on November 17, 2005

Then I'd say yes, she's being inconsiderate. Especially if you asked her several times and bought her the damn ticket. Strip away the nerdiness maguffin and you have a friend refusing to do you a very reasonable favor.
posted by CunningLinguist at 6:16 PM on November 17, 2005

Lame. Plus, you are missing out on a great opportunity to test this guy for his real worth. If he rolls with it, enjoys your friend's eccentricity with good humor, he is probably a keeper. If not, you can dump him right there.
posted by LarryC at 6:17 PM on November 17, 2005

okay, i just looked at your myspace profile, and you look too cute to be on MeFi and your friend Katie looks too well-adjusted to be dressing up for movies. what's the deal?
posted by keswick at 6:17 PM on November 17, 2005

I just don't see how it is a "first date" with two other people there, including your little sister. (?!) I understand your reasoning, but if you were worried about making first impressions, you should have asked the boy on a more private date so you wouldn't have to try to control potentially embarassing friends. It would be nice of your friend to compromise, but...uh, I don't really have anything to add to that. Hope for the best and ask him on a more suitable second date.
posted by jetskiaccidents at 6:17 PM on November 17, 2005

I think you are wrong for being angry at your friend, and you should apologize to her, for being embarrassed of her. Friends accept and support one another, and if you can't, you should have kept your mouth shut. Especially since you were the one who invited the date in the first place.

This is why grownups date in pairs, not groups- we all have crazy friends.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:18 PM on November 17, 2005 [1 favorite]

I'm going to have to go out on a limb here and say that you're both being selfish. You should understand that Harry Potter is a big deal to her and dressing up is half the fun. On the other hand, she should realize that you want to impress this guy.

With that said, I think you should be the one to compromise simply based on your active roll in this predicament. You knew invited Katie, and knew she'd be dressing up in full nerd attire, but you asked this new guy to the movie anyway. You had all the information up front and made the decision to create the situation. Why didn't you invite him to the movie on Saturday?
posted by nomad at 6:20 PM on November 17, 2005

Well, Skjønn, then you are prejudiced ... because you think of Katie as your Slytherin friend and not your friend.
posted by user92371 at 6:20 PM on November 17, 2005

I think it would be a great first date if your friend were in costume. It could be a real ice-breaker/conversation piece for you and the guy.

I think you're overreacting, but that could be chalked up to being stressed-out over your breakup.
posted by Gator at 6:20 PM on November 17, 2005

The first midnight showing of anything is fan heaven, and that's fun in its own way. Your date will enjoy it; if he doesn't, you don't want to date him. Basically you're short-circuiting several dates where you gradually reveal parts of your character into a single one. This is fine. It's efficient.

I think she's guilty of at least a mild social faux pas by not respecting her host's wishes, but I wouldn't sweat it if I were you. You're overreacting because you want to make a good impression, but friend-wearing-costume really isn't (or shouldn't be) a bad impression.
posted by jellicle at 6:22 PM on November 17, 2005

Yep, I think you are being unfair to your friend, because it was you that changed the evening from "pal around with my nerd friends at Harry Potter" to "date." You had to know ahead of time of your friend's plans, so why would you schedule a first date on that night instead of something more private?
posted by MegoSteve at 6:22 PM on November 17, 2005

Best answer: Maybe you could tell her that she should disguise herself since your date is a muggle and she can't let on that she's a witch or it would break the rules of the wizarding world?
posted by true at 6:22 PM on November 17, 2005

And the BEST ANSWER goes to true.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:24 PM on November 17, 2005 [1 favorite]

Yup. You're in the wrong, here. She'd be extra cool if she'd dress straight but it would be a much bigger favor than you are acknowledging.

Midnight showings=dress-up.
posted by small_ruminant at 6:26 PM on November 17, 2005

Response by poster: Everybody is right, it *is* my fault for asking him when I knew Katie's plans. In my defense, I really thought she would have no problem leaving the cape at home. Also, it's not like she bought this whole costume just for tonight. She's had this getup for many years and has worn it to the various book/movie openings.

Also, to the guy who looked at my myspace, the Katie who I have as a friend there is *not* the nerdy Katie (she doesn't have a myspace profile).
posted by skjønn at 6:30 PM on November 17, 2005

Response by poster: Also, I resent the notion that I'm "too cute to be on Mefi"- Jonmc is one handsome fellow if you ask me!
posted by skjønn at 6:32 PM on November 17, 2005

If it was important for you to isolate your behavior from your friends' on the first date, you should not have invited him to the show. You asked katie before you asked this new guy, and so she had an expectation to dress as she wanted; you sorta changed the rules on her. Yes, she could have been more accomodating (and now you know to expect that isn't someone who will accomodate you), but you really have to suck it up.

Whether you believe it or not, what everyone says above is true. If this guy is mature, he'll realize that her behavior should not reflect on you. I think you should keep that in your head as well. Yes she's your friend, but you don't share a brain. It's not like she's going to spout racists things --- at that point you'd want to separte yourself. But a little klingon is not something you have to share responsibility for.

As a solution, why don't you meet him ahead of time for some coffee so you can establish a rapport that is independent of your friends?
posted by about_time at 6:35 PM on November 17, 2005 [1 favorite]

Eh, she's wrong. Even if you're being a bit neurotic (I can't imagine the guy actually cares about being seen with nerds if he's going to a midnight showing of a Harry Potter movie), your friend is rejecting a very reasonable request for no good reason. The fact that you did her a favor makes it even worse. Either she doesn't know how important this is to you or she does and she just doesn't care. I suspect it's the former so you might consider giving her an ultimatum.
posted by nixerman at 6:36 PM on November 17, 2005

I don't think anyone can really say that you're wrong for feeling something (my does that sound like psychobabble!), including anger. It's reasonable that you want to make a really good first impression, and it's logical that you're upset when things aren't perfect, but I think you're being a bit too uptight/worried about this.

As others have said, if the guy can't deal with Katie, and especially if he likes you less for being friends with her, he's not great dating material anyway.
posted by needs more cowbell at 6:41 PM on November 17, 2005

Oh c'mon.

Looking at skjønn's posting history and myspace homepage, she has to be a puppet account.
posted by driveler at 6:41 PM on November 17, 2005

Wow, if I was the friend in question (the one that you asked to not dress up) I would think you totally sucked.

Seriously, why would you ask your friend to change their behavior because of a guy that you are interested in? Why should she have less of a good time (and, of course, she would enjoy it less) just so that you could make a good impression on some guy.

Furthermore, what kind of guy would agree to go to a midnight showing of Harry Potter and think badly of people who dress up? Those are two behaviors that I would be surprised to find together.
posted by oddman at 6:45 PM on November 17, 2005

Anyone going to a midmight showing of Harry Potter should expect to be surrounded by fanboys/girls. It's like you're asking her not to yell stuff during Rocky Horror. Unless this guy is brain dead he knows what he's in for.

This girl has been your friend for how long? And this other guy has been your friend for, what, minus two hours?

If I were katie I'd dump an extra large tub -o- popcorn over your non-costumed head and refuse to take your calls next month when cute-apartment-guy stops calling you.

Bet then again I also think anyone over twelve who wears a costume to any movie should be slapped in the head with a flounder.
posted by bondcliff at 6:51 PM on November 17, 2005

You don't have to be nerdy to appreciate those who are. As someone mentioned already, if he's going to a midnight release of Harry Potter he knows what he's in for, and more than likely is looking forward to it. Why not give him the benefit of the doubt?

And I consider your request to Katie to be on par with breaking a date with her to go out with this guy. Take that how you will.
posted by cali at 6:53 PM on November 17, 2005

This sounds like the kind of situation where neither of you will end up happy, no matter what happens. The movie's important to both of you, but for different (and conflicting) reasons. It's a big deal for you to make a good impression on this guy, but maybe it's a big deal for her to be able to dress up for a midnight showing; I knew plenty of people in university who were the same way. Not earth-shatteringly bad if she had to leave the costume at home, but it'd put a damper on her night. Just like it might put a damper on yours if she wore the costume and your guy blanched.

I think in the end, you'll just have to realize (as will she) that in the long run, none of this is all that big a deal. Personally, I'd stop being angry because definitely-friends are better than maybe-next-boyfriends. But I don't think you're in the wrong for being angry, nor do I think she's being unreasonable. It's just a tough situation.
posted by chrominance at 6:55 PM on November 17, 2005

Would Katie be alright with taking your little sister and finding another ride, so you could go on your first date alone? That way she gets to go in costume, and you get to not be embarrassed. Would you be willing to find the ride for her?
posted by cali at 6:57 PM on November 17, 2005

I don't get this entirely. If you and your friend had plans and you turned it into a date, then it's sort of your gaffe. If you wanted to go on the date anyhow, it seems that it's a good idea to let your friend do whatever she wants since she's not your date [hot date or friend date] for the evening. You are, correct me if I am wrong, already going with your little sister which is way nerdier than if your friend dressed like Hedwig the owl with a rat coming out of her mouth.

So, I'd say if she needs to wear a costume because it was her plan, let her. Give her the two tickets ahead of time and give her some extra money to take your sister out to the movies to be a really cool friend so you can go on a date with cute guy from the apartment complex. It's not like you have to sit together right? Then, at the movie, you can casually run into each other and do the "my friend is a nerd" litmus test on the guy from the apt, complex and everyone's a winner!
posted by jessamyn at 6:58 PM on November 17, 2005

Katie's an asshole. No one needs to dress up to see a movie. I realize that a subset of people with Asperger's likes to do shit like that to freak out the Normals, but she should be able to to hold off for one night if you ask her politely to cut the shit.

And the folks in this thread whining about how unfair you are to Katie, none of them have the social skills to ramdomly ask out a guy in their apartment complex. Keep that in mind. Despite the forthcoming 20 comments dedicated to proving that folks who wear Chewbacca costumes are more well-adjusted than folks who don't.
posted by Mayor Curley at 7:00 PM on November 17, 2005

I have to concur with the others (for the most part). If I was Katie I'd have the distinct impression that you were ashamed of me.
posted by aclevername at 7:00 PM on November 17, 2005

And the folks in this thread whining about how unfair you are to Katie, none of them have the social skills to ramdomly ask out a guy in their apartment complex. Keep that in mind.

No, I'd definitely ask out the guy in the apartment complex, but I still think acting ashamed of your friend is wrong.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:01 PM on November 17, 2005 [1 favorite]

And the folks in this thread whining about how unfair you are to Katie, none of them have the social skills to ramdomly ask out a guy in their apartment complex.

I don't think my girlfriend would appreciate me doing that.
posted by MegoSteve at 7:06 PM on November 17, 2005

I tend to agree with those who feel that your request steps over the line.

However, I am biased. I see dressing up like a character from the movie as a very harmless and fun thing to do; the sort of silliness that, ten years hence, will be looked back on with a great deal of fondness and nostalgia. Also, it's an unashamed public declaration of geekiness; something I can definitely respect.

But suppose your friend wanted to show up for the movie drunk as a skunk, or wearing a rebel flag on her jacket, or she planned to hand out religious tracts during the show? Would I be just as quick to defend her actions? Well... not just as quick. I'd look for a way to weasle out. But eventually I'd have to concede that the same principle applies. If you've accepted such behavior in the past and expect to continue this friendship in the future, it's wrong to insist on defrocking your friend.

But you *so* get points for making a present of one of the tickets to your younger sister.
posted by Clay201 at 7:06 PM on November 17, 2005

"Hey, you need to find your own ride to the thing, I've got a hot date.

ding ding ding ding ding.

or, "hey dogg, here's twenty bucks for a cab. don't wait up, cuz."
posted by fishfucker at 7:09 PM on November 17, 2005

I don't think my girlfriend would appreciate me doing that.

I think my wife married me specifically because I don't. But I'm still just sayin'...
posted by Mayor Curley at 7:14 PM on November 17, 2005

Really, 23skidoo and fishfucker have it. That's the solution.
posted by Mayor Curley at 7:16 PM on November 17, 2005

Response by poster: Oh c'mon.

Looking at skjønn's posting history and myspace homepage, she has to be a puppet account.

Would you care to explain this comment? It's sort of rude and I don't know why you would say it. I really love reading metafilter/askme.

And thanks everyone for the responses. I really do appreciate all of them, even the ones that call me a superficial wench. ;-)
posted by skjønn at 7:24 PM on November 17, 2005

Ignore him, skjønn- some of the boys here can't believe hot women like us grace them with our presence.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:26 PM on November 17, 2005 [2 favorites]

am I a shallow bitch or is Katie being unreasonable?

Some from Column A, some from Column B.

I don't think you're being "shallow"; you're right, wizard costumes would put off some guys on a first date. On the other hand, presumably you knew what to expect when you invited Katie; and for her, maybe the release of a Harry Potter film is an event that requires celebration in costume. There are only going to be seven of them, right?

I understand your situation changed. Katie should understand that, too; and if you were talking about just any night, I'd say she should bend for you. But if she's one of those people, it's not "just any night" -- so yeah, you are kinda "Indian giving," in turning around and imposing conditions after the fact.

Plus: Ditto on anyone above who said Katie will be your friend long after you've forgotten this guy's name. Cut her some slack -- and, I'd suggest, apologize. If she's any kind of a decent friend, you shouldn't have to bend over backward to make things right; she'll understand you're dealing with a breakup.
posted by cribcage at 7:50 PM on November 17, 2005

I don't normally get into threads like this but I find this really interesting! skjønn, I think your friend is being stupid for not simply saying, "I understand. You bought the tickets and are giving me the ride. Now, tell me about the guy!!" To me, that's what a true friend would have done. For so many to turn this thing upside down is bizarre. You are trying to make a good first impression - that's all! As for those who say that he isn't worth keeping if he has a problem with Katie, well, some would say just the opposite - as in - he wouldn't be worth keeping if he didn't have a problem with such immaturity from a girl of her age. Whatever happens - good luck with the guy from the complex and kudos for the social guts on display!

-
posted by Independent Scholarship at 8:03 PM on November 17, 2005

Say you have plans with Katie that you've been looking forward to these plans for ages. At these plans, it is customary to wear normal clothes. Hey, could you wear a funny costume to make a good impression on her hot first date that she decided to bring at the last minute? What, unreasonable?

C'mon, silly stuff that you do with your friends is not a good place for a first date.
posted by desuetude at 8:27 PM on November 17, 2005

Why can't you just warn the guy ahead of time, making a joke of it--laugh and bond over the whole thing with him? Why would you want to date a guy who has no sense of humor, or who is a total cool-fascist and can't roll with the fact that you have a friend who happens to have a wizard costume? Tell him ahead of time what to expect--and let his response be a litmus test for whether he's worth dating.
posted by availablelight at 8:40 PM on November 17, 2005

Eh. You're missing the point. If he thinks dress up is cool, you win because you have cool friends.

If he thinks it's silly then you look better in comparison, and the boy and you pave over future awkward pauses with a conversation topic about how silly/obsesssed/nerdy your Harry Pothead friend is. Again, you win.

You only lose if he's such a nerd he gets all hot for your friend and wants to swap spells or some shite. But if he's that nerdy, he'll still hang with you because he'll be so astonished to have the attentions of any girl and will be too afraid/maladroit to put the moves on another.
posted by orthogonality at 8:45 PM on November 17, 2005

I'm with the boths sides crowd. On one hand, imposing a dress code on a friend for a movie date you invited her to seems pretty lame to me, even in this extreme case, and I echo the sentiment that if this guy is put off because your friend is a wierdo, he isn't worth the effort. On the other hand, since you did make the request, she really ought to have been a friend about it, realized you were all worked up in the heat of the first date/post-breakup moment, and gone along.

If you're terribly worried about this guy's first impression in the entirely superficial territory, just wear more revealing clothes. He'll barely notice your friend (ask a superficial question...)
posted by nanojath at 8:48 PM on November 17, 2005

Um, if you're really planning a "date", it isn't much of that if you have your little sister and good friend along with you. A movie isn't the best place to converse, is it? If you want a real date, you should try to find some alone time with this cute guy. You're not going to make any impression if you're both just sitting there watching a movie in silence.

Just a different perspective.
posted by madman at 8:55 PM on November 17, 2005

Christ, Mayor Curley nails it. Your friend is selfish and you are merely a normal person who doesn't want to ruin a first date. 99% of humanity would not date you again if they saw how lame your friend is. People might not like it, but that is the truth.

Of course, if this sort of scenario is a common occurrence with you, then you would be the bitch for always screwing your friends over. But this sounds like a one time deal.

Finally, hello dhoyt, this must be your new sockpuppet.
posted by Falconetti at 9:38 PM on November 17, 2005

Best answer: People might not like it, but that is the truth.

Agreed. it's all fine and good to say on a message board "GAWD IF HE THINKS YOU'RE WEIRD BECAUSE YOUR FRIEND IS A NERD THAN THAT DUDE SUCKS" but please, who in the similar situation wouldn't be all: "hey, man, you know you KNOW i love you like a goddamned brother -- i mean, shit, who was the guy who held my hair back last week when i was puking in the toilet? huh? who's that guy? huh? that was YOU! But ok, dude, so I know I was gonna go with you to this party and stuff this friday but check this out -- you know Melissa from Biology class? Yeah, yeah, dogg. Hot. So dude, you're not gonna believe this. Yep. Nope. Yep, that's exactly what I did. Score one for the motherfuckin' team, right bro? Yeah. Yeah. Forever. For-fucking-ever, i have been after this girl. She finally said yes. What? Oh I pulled the old "Do you think I'm cute? Yes No" thing, you know, like written on a piece of paper. Yeah girls loove that bullshit. Yeah, no, i dunno. Something about seeming immature, you know? Like, i'm less threatening. What's that? What'd he say? Yeah dude totally played the emo angle. Sure, whatever. Fuck it. I know, I know, I'm a pussy, but hey, I did it and it fucking *worked*, so you can tell Randy to suck it. Yeah. Yeah. No, your room-mate is totally gay. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Always the ones who are the most homophobic. That's how it always works. Yeah. Hahaha. So, ok, seriously though man, here's the thing, man. I'm gonna .. well, I asked her, kinda. If .. well, if she wanted to go to that party with me. And you know, it's cool, I know we're going, and we can still go together, I'm totally cool with that. But yeah, you know how you had those plans... To.. Yeah. The Thundercats costume. Yeah. Yeah. No, dude, I know. Hey, no it's totally cool. No. No. No, I'm not saying furries are gay -- dude, did I say that? Did i say that? Are we friends or not? We're friends, right? I'm just saying, man, I'm totally into this girl, or like, at least until next fucking week when I stick it, right bro, right, huh? So.. Yeah. No. I don't think you're getting what I'm saying. No. No. No. She's not going to be dressing up like an animal. No, dude, I *never* said I was dressing up like an animal. No. Dude. Dude. Just. Shit. Ok. Dude, just fucking shut up for a second about shit on the internet dude, jesus! Ok, thanks. Ok, so I totally need to ask you this huge favor. Huge. Huge. Who's my bro? That's right. You're my bro. No, it's not bad. No it's not anything sexual, dude, I wouldn't do that. No. No. She doesn't have a hot roommate that I need to find a date for. No, uh, no... no, she doesn't have a ugly roomate either, no sh - yeah I know you'd hit it anyways, no, what i - yeah, ok dude .. LOOK THERE IS NO EXTRA GIRL FOR YOU TO TAKE. SHIT. Ok, no, just. Well, now I've built it all up and you're gonna think it's a big deal but it's not really. I mean, seriously it's not a big deal. No. This isn't like that time we were trying to join that frat. No. No, i'd never been that high either. No, look dude, I just need .. Hey. Yeah. Yeah. I hear you. Hey.. Ok .. Well - LOOK I JUST NEED YOU TO NOT WEAR YOUR GODDAMNED COSTUME FOR ONE FUCKING DAY OK? there i said it. shit. it's like your fucking security blanket. jesus. well, fine. no. that's fine. look. just forget it. just forget i asked you for anything. Just forget that I totally hooked you up with heather last month. What? No dude. No. You had no chance. No. Don't even pretend. No way. Dude. DUDE. No, look, I fucking knew you were hot for her and i steered her right your way. Dude. You.. Nevermind. Just.. nevermind. It's just a favor man. I'm just trying to impress this girl, you know? If you can't do it, you can't do it. If that shit's more important than your goddamned bro than whatever. Yeah. Oh. Ok. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Pull that one on me. Yeah. Well, sure, I see your point, but you have to realize this is more like PUTTING ON SOME FUCKING ORANGE TIGHTS AND CARRYING AROUND A PLASTIC SWORD BEFORE BROS, because I ain't putting this girl over you, I'm putting this girl over your fucking halloween shit. Seriously, it's fucking April, dude, get over it. Once a year. Once a goddamn year. Alright. Whatever. Wear whatever. No. I don't care. No. Look, I'll just pretend I'm being nice to you because you're the retarded kid on my floor or something, ok? Yeah. That's how it's gonna have to be. Sorry, but Liono is not gonna stop me from getting some. That's just how it is. Ok. well, you do what you have to do man. I'll see you tomorrow. Yeah. Ok. Yeah. No hard feelings, right? Ok. Serious, dude, no hard feelings. Ok. Alright. Late."
posted by fishfucker at 10:41 PM on November 17, 2005 [25 favorites]

^ Flagged as "fantastic post/comment," for lack of a "stoned post/comment" flag.
posted by ludwig_van at 10:52 PM on November 17, 2005

Guys will come and go. Katie will probably stick around if you're good enough friends.
posted by spiderskull at 10:59 PM on November 17, 2005

So that's what Bob Newhart was like in college.

Anyway, if you can't manage to go separately, I say invite even more people to go too.
posted by hototogisu at 11:44 PM on November 17, 2005

PUTTING ON SOME FUCKING ORANGE TIGHTS AND CARRYING AROUND A PLASTIC SWORD BEFORE BROS

Jesus. I haven't laughed out loud at teh interwebs in awhile, but this brilliant rant worked perfectly.

You could actually pull this off as a humor piece at a forensics competition. Seriously, try reading it aloud/performing it.

Will you release the rights, fishfucker?
posted by disillusioned at 2:45 AM on November 18, 2005

Response by poster: Ok...update for anyone who cares.

Katie showed up at my place in full slytherin regalia about 10 minutes before we were supposed to leave. She then made a halfhearted attempt to apologize/say she would go home and change (timewise, it simply wasn't possible for her to go back and we wear very different clothing sizes). I told her I was over it and she looked fine.

My date showed up. Except for a confused look I caught, he seemed to take it all in stride and was a gentleman to both Katie and my lil sis.

Although it didn't really seem to bother him, I do wonder if he got the wrong impression and if he'll call blah blah blah...

Anyway, the reason this whole thing bugged me so much is that I've gone out of my way to do things for Katie even when it was inconvenient for me. In the two years we've known eachother, I really can say that I give more than I take in this particular friendship.

Even if it was a slightly unreasonable request and it was fair that she be able to wear it, I wish she could've yielded to me this one time when she knew I was really anxious to have things go well with this guy.

I'm kinda sad that dressing up meant more to her than my feelings, regardless of whatever happens with this boy.

Oh well.

Thanks for the advice all, you helped calm my nerves before my date. :-)
posted by skjønn at 3:47 AM on November 18, 2005

fishfucker, fucking fantastic comment.

Genius: "I ain't putting this girl over you, I'm putting this girl over your fucking halloween shit."
posted by about_time at 4:00 AM on November 18, 2005

OldGuyFilter: Speaking with the benefit of experience, I don't know that I'd bring my friends or family along on a first date. I would think most (American) people would feel uncomfortable going out for the first time with somebody who brings along their friends.

But unless you are willing to go separately from your friend and sister this is the situation we find ourselves in. It sounds like this evening is very important to your friend so you're imposing on her, too, by bringing a date. Consider whether you want to disappoint her just to impress some guy you barely know and might not even date again.

I think you already know what I would do. As an old guy I value my friends more than my dates. Good friends are hard to find. Dates, not so much. Yeah, I know he's cute. But there are lots of cute guys.

Ultimately the decision is yours. Just be prepared to regret your youthful gaffes when you get older (as a born ruer, let me tell you it isn't much fun.)
posted by Opposite George at 4:04 AM on November 18, 2005 [1 favorite]

For what it's worth, friends can be amazingly jealous when you do have a date, because they're frightened of being sidelined. So you have to bear that in mind - and probably why most people wouldn't take their friends/sister with them on a first "proper" date.

And if that myspace profile/pic is real, then the Internet has gotten way more glam than I realised. If you had told me ten years ago that in the future, women with blonde-model looks would be going to fantasy movie premieres with "nerdy" friends in costume...
posted by badlydubbedboy at 6:41 AM on November 18, 2005

Too late for advice—do post an update to let us know if he calls back!—but I just have to say that fishfucker's comment justifies the entire existence of AskMe.
posted by languagehat at 7:15 AM on November 18, 2005

thunder THUNDER THUNDER THUNDERCATS HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Although.... If I was a dude taking a chick on a date and her roomate was dressed as cheetarah from thundercats, I'd be all over it.

fishfucker for the win!
posted by skrike at 9:37 AM on November 18, 2005

Friendships where the commitment isn't mutual aren't worth the investment...
posted by ewkpates at 9:59 AM on November 18, 2005

If he's in your complex then he goes to the Y and should be more than used to that kind of stuff. Let it slide...
posted by blue_beetle at 5:15 PM on December 7, 2005