New "dream" job is anything but. Now I'm pregnant. What do I do?
November 26, 2014 10:39 AM   Subscribe

My new job is not the dream job I thought it would be. It's been 2 months and I'm miserable with the workload and how I'm being treated. Am I being unrealistic? Do I tough it out or look for a new job and claim bad fit? Complications: suddenly pregnant.

I recently left a position I'd had for more than a decade when I realized I was stagnating. I am PMP certified and I took a new project manager position in a completely different industry about two months ago. I was super excited about the new job because I felt like it was an opportunity to step in and help this floundering department right itself. But the job's not at all what I thought it would be, or what I was told it would be.

Basically, they hired a PMP to do administrative assistant work and essentially supervise every person in the department. On my plate right now? Writing a new hire announcement for a new team member. Tracking down the holiday celebration budget. Scheduling interviews with prospective PhDs. Scheduling meetings with management that I'm not allowed to attend. And the best part, being everyone's unofficial supervisor.

Management expects me to be able to tell them what every single member of the 20-person team (spread out across 4 locations in 3 time zones) is doing at any given moment. Upper management has open contempt for the employees and do not trust them to get their work done, and the direct supervisors have been absolved of any responsibility to know what their people are doing too. It's all on me to make sure all of these people are doing their jobs. I've already been in trouble for someone else not doing their work.

To add to the misery, I'm never given enough time to do anything. They always want everything immediately, even work that takes time to put together. Then I'm interrupted all day, constantly, by emails asking "will you have that done by tomorrow?" and IMs saying "you know that's due tomorrow, right? will you have that done?" Instructions are always vague, but when I ask for guidance I'm told "it shouldn't be that hard" and "use your PM knowledge." When I push back, I'm ignored or told to do it anyway.

So, instead of what seemed to be a dream job where I'd get to come in and revamp processes and help people cope with all of the change that's been going on, I'm a glorified secretary and whipping girl who they have already decided needs constant monitoring or else I won't get anything done.

I'm hesitant to push back too hard, because I don't want to look like a complainer or a troublesome employee after only 2 months. But this is not the job I want and it's not the job I thought I had accepted. There's a difference between "PM who can do a little of everything" and "supervise all these people in their day to day work, and also be the boss's assistant." And a part of me can't help but feel like they would not be asking a male PM to do half of the things they ask of me.

And then I found out I was pregnant. My husband and I had just started trying and didn't expect me to conceive the first week of my new job. He's not working right now due to health issues, so I'm already the sole earner. I have no FLMA protection since I won't have been here long enough.

So, I ca't tell if the job sucks as bad as I think. I don't know if it will get better or not. I don't know if I was deluding myself about what it takes to be a PM and maybe I just shouldn't have a job like this. I'm disheartened at what feels like a failed attempt to assert control over my career. I know I'm full of pregnancy hormones and I'm already exhausted, and most days I cry about how miserable I am and how I've already lost the bosses' respect in my abilities.

TL;DR: What would you do if you were miserable at your new "dream job"? How do I stick it out at my terrible new job that makes me cry? Do I look for a new job even though I am pregnant?
posted by fanta_orange to Work & Money (12 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
Best answer: Look for a new job. You don't have FMLA coverage at this job, so you really don't have anything to lose.

Can you imagine dealing with this bullshit when you're extra-cranky from being pregnant? Get out of there!
posted by homodachi at 10:51 AM on November 26, 2014 [21 favorites]


Best answer: I'd look for a new job ASAP before you start showing. This sounds like a toxic environment.
posted by quince at 10:52 AM on November 26, 2014 [7 favorites]


Best answer: Find a new job as fast as humanly possibly. No FMLA is no FMLA so you might as well have no FMLA at a job that isn't abusive. And that job will be much, much easier to get before you are visibly pregnant. Conversely, the job you have will only get worse as you become more pregnant.

Go. Run. Flee.
posted by DarlingBri at 10:58 AM on November 26, 2014 [3 favorites]


Best answer: Agreed! I would try to find a new job. This may be obvious, but I wouldn't leave this one before you find another and sign on the dotted line; babies (even in minimalist households) can be expensive, and you don't want to add financial insecurity to your stressors since you're husband's not working.

Congrats!!
posted by EtTuHealy at 11:07 AM on November 26, 2014


Best answer: Pregnant person weighing in.

Start looking for that new job right now.
I regret not looking earlier in my pregnancy and I'm not even half as dissatisfied as you are.
You don't want to be dealing with these feelings in a few months.
I know searching for a new job might seem like more stress than you can bear, but if you're sick/hormonal and also miserable at this job, I think it will be worse.

No FMLA? Get going.

Good luck!
posted by xiaolongbao at 11:11 AM on November 26, 2014 [2 favorites]


Best answer: Also: I wouldn't stay in that job, pregnant or not. I don't think you're overreacting.
posted by xiaolongbao at 11:30 AM on November 26, 2014 [6 favorites]


Best answer: this was me! I did not look for a new job, got fired shortly after i announced at work (that's another story...), and am now a stay-at-home mom. not saying it didn't work out for me, but I'm sure things would have worked out differently had I looked for something new before I had a big pregnant belly.
posted by sabh at 11:45 AM on November 26, 2014


Best answer: New job, in a hot hurry. I just went through a version of that and it's horrible!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 12:02 PM on November 26, 2014


Best answer: Congratulations on your pregnancy!

And wow... your job sounds like a micromanage-y, toxic nightmare... management needs to know exactly where everyone at different timezones are because they distrust them so much? Sounds like you and everyone else would be better off running away from there... pregnancy hormones or otherwise... and nope, wanting to run from that is no overreaction.
posted by Tsukushi at 2:55 PM on November 26, 2014


Best answer: Textbook toxic workplace. The department is floundering for obvious reasons. By the way, your PMP is how you know how much time something will take. You should be telling them that in the meantime, as well as telling them how long things will take, since now you know they take 10x due to all the interruptions. "Yeah, that's going to take two weeks/months/years."
posted by rhizome at 6:12 PM on November 26, 2014


Best answer: Start looking for a new job.

Turn off your IMs and limit how frequently you check your e-mail.

And when you finally do decide to leave this job, give them not one more minute of notice than required.
posted by one more dead town's last parade at 12:57 PM on November 27, 2014


Response by poster: Thank you, everyone. It was very gratifying to have so many of you immediately tell me I am not crazy. I've been assuming that the problem was me, but ultimately I just don't feel like I have their respect and I can't work that way. I don't want to work in an environment where I feel like I have to prove myself over and over again.

I guess the subject of what job I should get next is the topic for another AskMe!
posted by fanta_orange at 11:51 AM on December 3, 2014 [2 favorites]


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