Travel agent friend etiquette

November 12, 2005 8:57 AM

My wife and I have been going to the same place for vacation for seven years, and for the past two, we've booked through a travel agent friend of ours from home who moved there. This year, if we don't book through the friend and do it ourselves, would it be a horrible faux pas?

It isn't a close friend, more of an acquaintance, just someone we've occasionally hung out with in groups. The thing is, we get a cheaper price by booking it ourselves, saving about $200, and the friend doesn't provide us with anything extra (last year the friend was not even there when we visited) and is actually a little disorganized. There are always dozens of emails back and forth to make the arrangements with the friend, where it takes very little to reserve directly. But we know the friend will be out about $500 as a commission, and we'll see the friend around when we're there. My wife says it's not worth the $200 to piss off the friend. I think the friend would be hurt, but why should we be stuck with paying higher prices every year for nothing extra?

posted by tommassit to travel & transportation (30 comments total)

I have a tough time with stuff like this, but how about this: What if you call your friend and tell him/her that you are gonna try to book your trip yourself this year, then ask if he/she has any advice about what websites to use? You know, keep your friend in the loop.

Just an idea.
posted by etc. at 9:03 AM on November 12, 2005

Offer to split the commission with him? :)
posted by Marquis at 9:04 AM on November 12, 2005

You could tell your friend what you're thinking and see if they can add anything to make it worth your while booking with him. Put the ball in their court; they get to choose what action they would like to take. The offensiveness of not booking because you found a cheaper way (not even with another agent, no less) is no more offensive than a friend not giving you anything extra for your money.
posted by dflemingdotorg at 9:12 AM on November 12, 2005

If he makes $500 and you spend an extra $200, why not suggest he give you $200? If he says no, he can hardly blame you for doing it yourselves.
posted by xammerboy at 9:13 AM on November 12, 2005

Any reasonable human being, including your friend, wouldn't expect you to pay more for something through an acquaintance. Tell the friend the details of the cheaper fare (no faux pas in looking), and they will match it, out of their own pocket if necessary.
posted by trevyn at 9:13 AM on November 12, 2005

I don't think your travel-agent acquaintance would be hurt. After all, isn't it just business? If you're not getting anything extra for it, and it's inconvenient, $200 is an awful lot to waste.
posted by elisabeth r at 9:17 AM on November 12, 2005

In line with what dflemingdotorg said: tell the travel agent what you figured out, and give them a chance to do something about it. You don't have to be confrontational. Send an email saying something like "I was looking at some travel deals online, and it almost seems like if I just called up X, Y, and Z, I'd end up spending about $200 less than the way we did it last year. I figure I must be missing something...let me know what you think."

Then, they have an opportunity to save face, and who knows, maybe there *is* something you're missing. And if your disorganized friend never gets back to you, and you run into them while you're there, you can just shrug and say 'Sorry...we waited for you to write back, but after a while we just figured you had bigger fish to fry, and that was the best deal we were going to get, so we went for it. If you figure something out for next year, let us know."
posted by bingo at 9:33 AM on November 12, 2005

Well, the friend can't really match the price, since it's what we'd get minus the commission by booking direct. So then the hotel package would have to agree to giving a second discount to cover the commission, which they wouldn't do. The only thing extra that the friend provided the first time was a bottle of wine and some cheese in the fridge when we arrived. That, and his company for dinner, which was split Dutch. I'm right and my wife's wrong, don't you think? But, sigh, this is in a tiny foreign locale and the friend doesn't make much money, but it's how he stays afloat.
posted by tommassit at 9:43 AM on November 12, 2005

Well, the friend can't really match the price, since it's what we'd get minus the commission by booking direct.

Sure he can. If he gets a $500 commission, he can give you $200 of it.
posted by kindall at 9:48 AM on November 12, 2005

Oh, I get what you're saying now. But my wife says it'd be even more "indecorous" to do that. On my part, I'd rather not have to negotiate year in and year out. I think it's either continue or cut and run.
posted by tommassit at 10:03 AM on November 12, 2005

Boy, that's a tough one.

Some types of people will go to a shoe store and try on lot's of different styles and sizes with a salesman's help only to order the pair online for less. Part of what you're paying more for at the store is the assistance and ability to try on the shoes before buying. In my mind going somewhere else for a better price is a pretty dick thing to do after taking advantage of what the store offers.

But is you're situation with the travel agent the same? I kind of think it isn't. Unlike the shoe store it's unclear that you're getting anything more for the higher price. Better service, more convenience, etc.

To make the right decision though you have to decide whether or not the situation is analogous to the shoe store for yourselves. If it is, then it's a dick thing to bypass the travel agent. If it isn't the same then go ahead and save some money.
posted by 6550 at 10:19 AM on November 12, 2005

If it's that much of an issue, just go somewhere else one year (i.e. this year or next year if you've already got this one planned out). That way, you'll either a) find a new favorite vacation spot or b) come back to the old one the year after without the friend's expectation of arranging it. OTOH, if you're visiting people at this destination, just tell the travel agent that the people you're visiting are handling the arrangements now.

Your wife's right; don't try to bargain with the travel agent unless you want to offend him. That is, 'unless you want to offend him'
posted by boaz at 10:21 AM on November 12, 2005

Why not go someplace else for a change?
posted by zadcat at 10:39 AM on November 12, 2005

I second bingo's comment. Give them a chance to respond. It will keep your options open still.

IMHO, a friend worth keeping shouldn't make you feel guilty over a thing like money, though. Although _you_ might feel guilty, they should not let it seep into the relationship. You know what I mean.
posted by starman at 11:35 AM on November 12, 2005

If it's just the money, tell the agent you found this better price and ask if they can meet that price. If they can't, I don't think anyone can hold it against you that you went for the lower price.
posted by winston at 11:44 AM on November 12, 2005

IMHO, a friend worth keeping shouldn't make you feel guilty over a thing like money, though.

Precisely. It's just business. No one should expect you to give away free money just to keep everyone feeling warm and cuddly. Do what is right for you, and let it sort itself out. Especially since you mention this person is more of an acquaintance. Bargaining or compromising will just make things more complicated.

If you really feel bad, book it yourself and then when you see this person give them a bottle of wine to smooth things over. Then leave it at that.
posted by BorgLove at 11:48 AM on November 12, 2005

Well, the friend can't really match the price, since it's what we'd get minus the commission by booking direct.

I'm not saying that they can match the price; even if you know that they can't, you should go through the motion of giving them the opportunity. That way, they will have to admit to you that they really can't get you a better deal; once that's done, it would be ridiculous for your friend to expect you to go through them or to be mad about it when you don't.
posted by bingo at 12:18 PM on November 12, 2005

Personally, I'd recommend just dealing with him directly. Tell him that you have appreciated all their help in the past, but it was just much simpler to handle all the details yourself, without all the back and forth of multiple emails and all that.

I'm sure they'll understand. And if not, well..... screw 'em. Or buy a round when you get there.

I'm dying to know how this turns out.
posted by puddles at 12:20 PM on November 12, 2005

Another thing...travel agents sometimes have access to info that you don't. The fact that you found a cheaper price yourself online doesn't necessarily mean that there is no cheaper price to be found. Buying direct is not the last word in pricing. I get books O'Reilly books on amazon.com cheaper than I would if I bought them from the O'Reilly website. Books are not plane tickets or hotel reservations, but my point is that you don't know everything.
posted by bingo at 12:55 PM on November 12, 2005

Is it worth $200 a year over a period of many years just to (maybe) not offend a person you barely know?

People like you (and especially your wife, it seems) are the types of people that salespeople love, because they can make you feel guilty about acting in your own best interest. Keep in mind that this person has been making money off of you for a while, so maybe it's personal on your side, but on the other side it's business.

Email him/her and say "hey, I went to thissite.com and noticed that they offer the trip for $200 less...can you match it?". If they cannot match it, they'll expect you to do what reasonable people do, and take the better deal. So if you're worried about totally cutting him/her out of the loop, at least you're giving him/her a chance.
posted by apple scruff at 1:49 PM on November 12, 2005

What apple scruff said.
posted by Count Ziggurat at 3:01 PM on November 12, 2005

Appreciate the responses! A few more details: We want to stay at a specific small hotel that offers a package that includes the room, rental car, and sports equipment rental. Dealing with the hotel directly is what would save us money, not going to a website. So I don't think it'd be possible for the friend to match the price. Again, this is a tiny destination, not very commercial with big or multiple outfitters. The more I write about this, the less sense it make to continue going through the friend. What's the point of subsidizing someone like this for no benefit other than nominal friendship? Now, if only my wife would...
posted by tommassit at 4:05 PM on November 12, 2005

...agree to go somewhere else this year. /wondering if this is the end of the ssentence above
posted by Dick Paris at 4:09 PM on November 12, 2005

Using friend for booking reservation:
$200 more expensive, friend gets $500 commission.

Directly booking with hotel:
Saves $200, friend gets $0.

So, if you think about the situations here, it's still better for you to contact your friend, and see if they're willing to give you $200 on the commision. You pay less, they make $300 in commission (as opposed to $0) and you get to go on vacation.

No matter what, contact your friend. Let them know you found a great deal, and see if they can beat it. If they want your business, then they'll do what I just described- it's the everybody-wins scenario.

If they don't want your business, then take it elsewhere.
posted by id at 5:25 PM on November 12, 2005

If you're dealing with a sharp salesperson, you won't even have to suggest they take the $200 out of their commission. Just ask if they can match the price. The details of how they get to it are really not your concern.
posted by Opposite George at 7:21 PM on November 12, 2005

If this person is a travel agent then he's GOT to be used to competing with people just booking tickets directly using sites like travelocity. And unless he's the most insecure salesman in the world he has got to know that what people want first and foremost is the cheapest fare.

What I'm trying to say is that this situation has got to be something that he deals with daily, so I don't really see him getting very upset about it. And like others have said, only the most self-centered "friend" would actually expect you to pay $200 more to go through him.

So, just tell him "This year we found this deal at [x] where we pay only [y] by booking it ourselves, and we think we're going to go with it. Let us know before [z] if you can do any better and we'll go through you." Either he'll meet the price, beat the price, or say "sorry I can't do any better." Regardless, you get a good deal, and you don't have to deal with making up any kind of phony excuses or avoiding your vacation destination.

Also remember that you are doing him a favor by giving your business to him, not the other way around. (If he was giving you the tickets at his price without making any commission, then it would be different.) He should be the one thanking you, and the burden is on him to make sure that you are still happy and satisfied. If you can save $200 elsewhere then that's in your best interest, and no one that's an actual friend would even begin to imply that you should pay more just for his sake.
posted by Rhomboid at 8:26 PM on November 12, 2005

"I was looking at some travel deals online, and it almost seems like if I just called up X, Y, and Z, I'd end up spending about $200 less than the way we did it last year. I figure I must be missing something...let me know what you think."

That's very passive-aggressive and insulting. If you're going to ask him to match the price, be direct and honest. Something like: "We'd like to book our trip through you, but we found a deal on [y] for $200 less. Is it possible for you to meet this price?".

I do think that it would be rude to book your trip somewhere else for a small saving in money, I don't know how much your trip costs, so I don't know how much of a relative saving would 200 dollars be, but if you're spending, say, 10.000 dollars on a trip, saving 200 dollars would be petty.
posted by lazy-ville at 1:33 AM on November 13, 2005

Dealing with the hotel directly is what would save us money, not going to a website. So I don't think it'd be possible for the friend to match the price.

At the risk of beating a rotting, buried horse: there is more to what travel agents do than calling a hotel on your behalf and making reservations. You DO NOT KNOW whether or not your friend can match the price.

That's very passive-aggressive and insulting. If you're going to ask him to match the price, be direct and honest. Something like: "We'd like to book our trip through you, but we found a deal on [y] for $200 less. Is it possible for you to meet this price?".

That's an interesting way of looking at it. I think that my way is direct and honest, and yours is belligerent. They haven't even asked the friend about the trip yet for this year, so they don't know what his price is going to be. What's more, your proposed question almost implies that the friend should be capable of giving an answer on the spot, and unless he's a complete charlatan, that just isn't true. The fact is that there may be factors here known to the travel agent but not to the travelers, and by beginning with the assumption that such is the case, you are at least showing the friend a modicum of professional respect.
posted by bingo at 1:38 PM on November 13, 2005

I personally feel that saying 'it almost seems like if I just called up' when you mean 'I called up' is not direct and feigning ignorance about the extras is not honest. I did not notice that they had not yet even asked a price, in which case the first e-mail should just ask for an offer, perhaps with a mention that they're shopping around a bit. Now, if you want to soften it up a bit, make it the third party's fault and if you're not sure whether the extras are not the same, include the other guy's deal in there. "Hi Jeremy, we got your offer for the trip. The thing is, while we would like to book through you as usual, Big Bad Evil Travel is offering a 2 week trip including radiation baths for $5200. Is it possible for you to move your price at all?"

Of course, I'm not a native english speaker so I might just be making an ass of myself here. If that is indeed the case, I apologize.
posted by lazy-ville at 4:45 AM on November 14, 2005

When I say 'it almost seems like if I just called up,' I'm trying to suggest a situation in which tommassit has read about a deal online or in print somewhere, or even just heard about it word of mouth, but not actually gone through the motions of making absolutely sure that it was true. It's not far from what you're suggesting in your last comment.
posted by bingo at 8:18 PM on November 14, 2005