Thinking about others until it's inconvenient
August 29, 2014 6:21 PM Subscribe
Help me form a strategy for reaching out to people I have met and want to know better. I need a new one to help me search for work, but I have difficulty working with specific sorts of strategies for general sorts of problems, so I'd like to avoid making it about job hunting exactly. More about how to think of people in a way that accounts for my own interests while still thinking of them
and not myself.
posted by LogicalDash to Society & Culture (4 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
Here's an example of my problem.
There is a career center at my college. I've known about it for about as long as I've been here. I went there when it was suggested to me, and went again when I needed to find a job shortly after graduating. I got an individual consultation where we touched up my resume and talked out some confusion I had over how interviews worked and how to search for work generally. So then I went home and proceeded to grind out some cover letters...went back once more when I wanted to redo the resume...and that was it, because the consultation had covered all of the services they'd advertised to me at that point. Turns out the people there have a lot of specific knowledge about local businesses that's of much more use to me, but it took a rare flash of inspiration for me to think to ask.
I can see this sort of thing happening in basically all my interactions with people, from the woman I met over board games to my own parents. Having established a relationship...that's it; I don't even look for ways to extend it, even when I have obvious and immediate interest in doing so. There is nothing stopping me, but I never get around to even trying.
I have a guess as to the reason. I may not be "narrow-minded" per se, but whatever I'm focusing on at the moment, and however widely, I tend to either stick with that, or change to a different subject entirely, rather than mould the context and thereby? perhaps? influence the way the relationship grows. Actually my concept for how relationships grow is mostly hearsay because this problem means they don't grow, when I'm involved.
Although I may know the problem and the cause, those realizations between them were pretty brain-expensive. I'd prefer not to stew quite so hard over the solutions. So what might I do about this?