Modern life is bringing me down
May 27, 2014 12:55 PM Subscribe
Life has been really good to me, yet I feel unfulfilled in this endless cycle of daily routines. Am I expecting something unrealistic or is this a sign I need to change my lifestyle?
I graduated from college some years ago. At that point, I was coming out of a break up, couldn't find a job, and was basically at a low point. I started saving up money and going abroad for months at a time. Did that for about three years. Finally I was tired and wanted to "settle down". Got extremely lucky and found a great job back home in an industry I like and I've been at that for two years now. Last year I met an amazing guy and we've been together for a year now. It's been a solid relationship and I can see a future with us. Everything's great right?
I feel spoiled even just writing about this, but something about this routine of the modern life is just not doing it for me. I get super irritated in traffic, which has not changed in the 10 years I've been driving. I feel lucky to have a paying job in the creative industry, yet the 8-9 hours screen time is killing me, especially during the slow days when I literally run out of stuff to do online. I used to hang out with anarchist kids and listen to punk music about how much this kind of life sucks. Then I guess at some point, I grew out of that and more or less conformed to a more "realistic" life. I thought that there could be a balance between having a fulfilling happy life and a job that pays, but I'm struggling to find that balance.
I don't think I appreciate this modern life as much as I thought I would. Perhaps it's the "grass is greener syndrome" and I just need to get over it. The political culture of this country (US) just makes me sad. I see my toddler nieces on their ipads at the dinner table and that makes me sad. I see people wasting their lives away doing meaningless tasks to buy bigger houses and bigger cars and that just fucking depresses me.
My partner and I have talked about moving to a different city or living abroad for a while. It's something we're both interested in doing, but probably not doable for another 2-3 years at least. I live in a pretty progressive city already, and we're able to get away into nature or go by the river on weekends. I garden when I can and that relaxes me. I've thought about other job options, but I can't seem to think of another fulfilling job that I could go into without experience and that doesn't pay minimum wage.
Is this something I just need to put up with? Have you guys ever felt this way? How did you cope with these feelings? I try to think positively and I'm reading the Feeling Good Handbook for help with anxiety, but I don't quite want to completely brainwash myself to enjoy something I don't enjoy. Any advice is much appreciated.