is there an effective cure for road rage?

October 21, 2005 8:28 AM

RoadRageFilter: Does anyone know of an effective cure or countermeasure for someone with road rage?

My wife drives 2 or 3 hours a day, which she claims is the cause of all her road rage. I've tried cd's with soothing music, books on tape... she's normaly a very sweet, kind and loving person right up until she gets in a car and it's almost worse when I'm driving.

posted by Hanover Phist to human relations (41 comments total)

cruise control?

I've had issues with other drivers when I'm driving (not quite road rage...road anger) and as an experiment, I chose to drive the speed limit for one week. I drive an hour each day on I-85 in North Carolina.

The results were very interesting. I found that when I drove slower, most everyone else appeared to drive less dangerously. There was still the occaisional crazy driver but not nearly as many as when I drove faster and with a chip on my shoulder (and they are gone before you can blink). Another interesting thing I discoverd was that driving slower than I normally do did not result in me getting home much later than I did when I drove faster. Maybe 5 minutes later at the most.

I suppose it makes sense when one thinks about it, but to see those results in a tangible way, was quite surprising.
posted by lyam at 8:36 AM on October 21, 2005

I live in a small town and one thing that works for me is to think, hey, that person I want to cut off (or flip off) could be my boss! Or my friend! Maybe I should chill out! It helps to think of the other people in the other cars as real people, instead of faceless assholes. Also, make sure you have enough time to get where you're going so that you don't see the other people as preventing you from what you want.
posted by slimslowslider at 8:38 AM on October 21, 2005

Something you'll notice if you slow down in city traffic as well is that you'll break the habit of racing to the next traffic clump (or light). Lots of times people zoom past me only to watch me pull up next to them at the light.
posted by toastchee at 8:46 AM on October 21, 2005

This is going to sound crazy, but audiobooks have helped me a great deal, much more so than music. My mind gets wrapped up in the story so that I don't really care what other drivers are doing. Seriously.

Also, as lyam suggests above, when I took it upon myself to slow down, drive the speed limit, and obey all the traffic laws myself, I became a much less angry driver. This may not work for anyone else (and your wife may already do this), but it worked for me.
posted by jdroth at 8:50 AM on October 21, 2005

Something I find helps me be more calm on the road is to change my perspective. I notice that when I'm in a hurry, or driving assertively (i.e. aggressively), I react "confrontationally" to other drivers. But if I relax, and imagine I have all the time in the world (or that I'm going someplace I don't particularly care for - like the dentist), things bother me less. And I take other drivers "challenges" less personally.
posted by ObscureReferenceMan at 8:50 AM on October 21, 2005

While I tend to drive slightly over the speed limit, I also try to leave as much room as possible between my car and other cars, which often involves slowing down gradually and letting other cars pull ahead of me to maintain that distance. It keeps me from having to hit the brakes all the time or do that stop-go thing quite as much, and it's somehow soothing to think "I'm gonna hang back and let all those idiots sort themselves out up there." And just having that general cushion around you can make you feel less impatient -- I notice it walking, too, when I suddenly feel like I *have* to overtake anyone who's walking close to me.

The defensive driving course I once took said you should allow one car length's distance for every 10mph you're going (that was actually for safety reasons -- you need that much room to stop safely). Not always feasible, but I think it's a good rule of thumb.
posted by occhiblu at 9:01 AM on October 21, 2005

I drive about an hour on the interstate each day and I'd say (like most things) there is no cure so much as there are preventative habits. I think lyam has a very good point about the speed limit and the tier of drivers that places you in. There are days when I feel that going 10 miles over is my safety buffer from the masses, and there are also days when that is completely false and it's much safer and more relaxing to just chill out in the 'slow' lane. The rub is, as lyam points out, all of that extra anguish and frustration amounts to little more than minutes spared. So you can enjoy your time and relax or get engaged and frustrated, there's a happy medium somewhere.
posted by prostyle at 9:02 AM on October 21, 2005

It's maybe not the answer you're looking for, but I find it very soothing to give a nice smile and a thumbs-up to people that cut me off, are bad drivers, etc.

It's like a thinking man's middle finger.
posted by Yelling At Nothing at 9:05 AM on October 21, 2005

I once dated a calm, sweet girl who would get all aggro when she got behind the wheel of a car. I installed a button on the dashboard of her car that, when pushed, would trigger a recording of rockets being fired and vaporizing the idiot drivers who posed a hazard to her health. She loved it, and I noticed a significant reduction in her symptoms of road rage.
posted by Buzz at 9:10 AM on October 21, 2005

Being involved in some kind of accident usually puts people in their place. But thats maybe not the sort of fix you were looking for.

Funny how there are so many responses like "I used to have road rage, then i started driving at the speed limit".
posted by lemonfridge at 9:13 AM on October 21, 2005

Do not make eye contact. These people act like mad dogs.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:17 AM on October 21, 2005

Yelling at Nothing,

That's so true. There's nothing quite so satisfying as flashing a friendly smile at people who piss you off. Sometimes you can see something inside them break, like that last little vestige of civility that disappears giving free reign to a certain kind of pure primal emotion. It must be so infuriating that they can't pass along their anger to you...
posted by lyam at 9:22 AM on October 21, 2005

Sorry, should have read the question carefully. Suggest she leave earlier for her destinations, and think of the journey as a koan.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:23 AM on October 21, 2005

Two things have immensely reduced my road rage over the years:

1. Classical music on my car radio. It really soothes my nerves and makes all the annoyances seem absolutely trivial.
2. Riding a bicycle for the last few years. Cycling changed my overall temperament dramatically, even while driving. Nowadays I rarely feel like I'm in a hurry to get from A to B, content to just enjoy the scenery. I leave earlier and I drive smoothly (which also reduces fuel consumption).
posted by randomstriker at 9:39 AM on October 21, 2005

My approach is just about identical to occhiblu's, including sometimes just letting "all those idiots sort themselves out up there." My goal is to drive steadily (not necessarily slowly) by staying away from other cars and minimizing braking and accelerating.

I learned the two-second rule for leaving enough space around your car. For me it's much easier than trying to calculate car lengths or football fields or whatever. Watch the car ahead of you pass some sort of landmark or splotch in the road, then make sure at least two seconds pass before you get there yourself. (I've heard people recommend more than two seconds, but two is realistic on a crowded city interstate.)
posted by tangerine at 9:44 AM on October 21, 2005

... another voice in the chorus of "I used to road rage, but then I slowed down." ...

I still drive aggressively from time to time, but it's much rarer now. And my gas mileage has improved significantly, which has a notable impact on my wallet lately.
posted by knave at 9:56 AM on October 21, 2005

Car passing trick.
posted by hortense at 10:03 AM on October 21, 2005

Hortense,

OMG, I've never seen anyone link to Meru Foundation before. I've not been there myself in years. Thanks for the memories!
posted by lyam at 10:05 AM on October 21, 2005

Switching to talk radio really helped to calm my road rage. I realized that music and chirpy dj chatter was winding me up, worsening the road rage instinct. When I switched to talk, that went away. While I love NPR, it is on for only a couple hours in the afternoon here. However, even yelling back at rush limbaugh, whatshisname savage and sean hanity effectively take my mind off the other drivers and traffic.

Have her try talk radio or, as jdroth suggested, audiobooks.
posted by necessitas at 10:07 AM on October 21, 2005

In the words of the Honda advert, "aren't we all just trying to get somewhere?"
posted by Boo! at 10:12 AM on October 21, 2005

My reflex reaction to people asking how to minimize their road rage is, "Stop driving--I don't want your angry self on the road with me. If you can't treat driving as an emotionless, intellectual exercise, with constant respect for the potentially lethal nature of the exercise, you should cut up your license and sell your car."

If they were asking me how to minimize their "gun rage," "chainsaw rage," or "scuba rage," that same advice would make perfect sense, wouldn't it?

My personal opinion aside, I do have some (possibly helpful) advice:

Take a driving course from AMA (or equivalent).

It'll give you perspective, and teach you proper, safe responses to driving situations. There's nothing quite as calming as confidence in your own ability to handle something.

Plus, it'll make your insurance rates drop.

If that doesn't work, visualize the other guy's terrible driving resulting in a firey, gruesome, single-vehicle accident further up the road. Cathartic. :-)
posted by Crosius at 10:20 AM on October 21, 2005

As many people have recommended, slowing down has helped tremendously. The slowing down part was the hardest - I found that if I sat an extra notch back, I tend to slouch slightly to reach the peddles, which puts the rest of my body in a less aggressive position. I also switched to a stick shift recently and found that if I concentrate on shifting and listening to the engine while driving, I have less energy to expend on getting upset.
posted by blackkar at 10:53 AM on October 21, 2005

I have a friend who would turn into a screaming lunatic with tailgaters, other drivers cutting him off, and other highway goodness. He tacked a 5x7 picture of his wife and kids next to the speedometer so that everytime he looked down at the gauges he'd have a calming image and a reminder why he should back of the little rectangular pedal.
posted by cmfletcher at 10:56 AM on October 21, 2005

I used to spend every Friday afternoon doing work-related driving in L.A. traffic. For a while I was very tense and road-ragey. Then I thought about it - I am in a big hurry why? So I can get to location A to pick up equipment, then get back in my car to go to location B? I realized how silly it was and decided to enjoy myself. I put on my favorite music and turned it up loud. Sang along - even louder.
I play games in traffic - I leave a big distance between me and the car in front and try to use my brakes as little as possible.
posted by clh at 10:59 AM on October 21, 2005

Driving is a zero sum game, someone has to lose and it better not be you. Do not let the bastards in, pass them instead. If somebody cuts you off, your mission is to find a way of getting ahead of them and rubbing their faces in it. On a one hour drive, you will save over three or four minutes of driving time. The stress will shorten your life by one hour. (some time periods may be estimated)
posted by caddis at 11:07 AM on October 21, 2005

This may sound snarky, but can your wife change her life so she doesn't have to drive 2 to 3 hours a day? I think that would leave many people out of sorts. How about finding a job where she can bike or walk to work, or take public transportation?
posted by alms at 11:30 AM on October 21, 2005

joints
posted by Makebusy7 at 11:38 AM on October 21, 2005

For me, road rage was about my inability to control the world. I was driving to thwart other drivers and, since I couldn't do it 100% of the time, I got angrier and angrier.

I finally realized that letting them merge was as much of a choice as trying to keep them in their lane. Once I got that through my thick, angry skull, the drive became an opportunity to help people, rather than get my own way.
posted by donpardo at 1:08 PM on October 21, 2005

The thing that worked for me - and that seems to be working for my roommate (who has some major Road Rage issues sometimes) was to constantly remind myself that the person who just cut me off - could be having the worst day of their life. They could be on the way to the hospital because their wife is having a baby, they could have just gotten fired, they could have explosive bowel movements*.

Putting things in perspective - remembering that the other drivers are human beings - helped a lot.

Anger breeds anger - I get cut off, go postal, speed up and tailgate the guy who cut me off, he slams on his brakes, people around us manuver quickly to get away, cutting others off - its not a good place to be.

* Imagine trying to drive while you have the painful gut-churning feeling that you Need To Go Now. It'd be very hard to drive safely like that, I'd think. I hope to never find out.
posted by FritoKAL at 1:35 PM on October 21, 2005

I blow kisses to those who make me mad in the car.

And I think of my family and realize that making it home safe and sound to my loved ones is the most important thing to do.
posted by Gooney at 1:41 PM on October 21, 2005

Thanks everyone for the great answers. Of course I was looking for a link to a self-hypnosis site or maybe magic herbs... (not THOSE herbs, but thanks Makebusy7) I'll be implementing your ideas, starting with this one and let you know how it goes.
posted by Hanover Phist at 2:03 PM on October 21, 2005

Imagine trying to drive while you have the painful gut-churning feeling that you Need To Go Now. It'd be very hard to drive safely like that, I'd think. I hope to never find out

You are correct!

This has happened to me on more than one occasion, and it is quite possibly the worst thing I've ever had happen to me. It's excruciating on so many levels: physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.

Now, back to road rage...
posted by jdroth at 2:06 PM on October 21, 2005

Yelling at Nothing -- I love the thumbs up! I've been giving it to bad drivers as long as I can remember. It's so sarcastic that it actually does give a good amount of satisfaction, but nobody could ever get mad at you for doing it. I usually accompany it by saying "Looking good, pal." Just to add to the sarcasm.
posted by Turd Ferguson at 2:49 PM on October 21, 2005

This has happened to me on more than one occasion, and it is quite possibly the worst thing I've ever had happen to me. It's excruciating on so many levels: physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.

That's exactly why I use it to calm myself down about other people driving badly.

Not everyone has babies, or gets fired or has emergencies. But, as the book says - Everybody Poops. So its very easy to imagine thinking "I shouldn't get mad at that person doing 80 who just cut me off... he has to poop."

The fact that this conversation is happening is hilarious. The fact that it is hilarious is -very- telling as to how long my day has been, and now? I get to drive through DC traffic. Everybody poops.
posted by FritoKAL at 2:51 PM on October 21, 2005

Definitely second those little thingies you can buy to stick to the dashboard, the ones that take a couple AA batteries and have some buttons on the front labeled 'Laser', 'Missiles', 'Nuclear Option' and which trigger an appropriate sound effect. Not only does this provide a tangible way to manifest your aggression, but they're also funny and that kind of defuses the situation.
posted by ikkyu2 at 3:35 PM on October 21, 2005

Once when I was a kid, and some asshat did something abrupt/rude in traffic, my Dad said "maybe that guy just found out his wife's in bed with another guy; we'll just stay out of his way".

In regards to the thumbs up, I do a very cheery smile, honk and vigorous wave. Leaning forward over steering wheel so that they see my happy face and flailing hand.

Not that I normally don't drive aggressively -- have been for 20 years (trained that way by the other parent). Sorry, but it's just too much damn fun (driving a stick shift sports sedan). I'm with caddis. Commence stoning.
posted by intermod at 3:51 PM on October 21, 2005

Y'know, what did it for me was the sudden realization that it's just bloody stupid to cause myself all sorts of stress-related harm in the name of what?, maybe a whole five minutes knocked off my hour-long drive?

I may not always be the brightest bulb in the shed, but by god I'm not so stupid as to kill myself over driving.

So having come to that sudden realization, I consciously decided to mellow out. I don't think my driving habits have otherwise changed much.

It sure is nice to not pop a vein every time some old granny around here waits until there's no visible traffic whatsoever before executing her left-hand turn.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:13 PM on October 21, 2005

>The defensive driving course I once took said you should allow one car length's distance for every 10mph you're going (that was actually for safety reasons -- you need that much room to stop safely)

The old saw is that, if you stay seven car lengths behind the car ahead of you on the freeway, seven cars will move over to fill in the space.
posted by yclipse at 7:56 PM on October 21, 2005

occhiblu's advice is excellent. Make it a game to drive as long as you can on the highway without hitting the brake pedal.

By leaving several car lengths of empty space in front of your car your stress level will go down because you don't have to hit the brake pedal so often. You'll also be doing the drivers behind you a favor by dissipating traffic jams because they won't hit the brake pedal so often.
posted by tut21 at 8:26 PM on October 21, 2005

>The old saw is that, if you stay seven car lengths behind the car ahead of you on the freeway, seven cars will move over to fill in the space.

It kinda depends where you're driving. I always had horrible luck with this in Boston, where crowding each other seems to be a way of life, but I learned to drive in Atlanta, where people generally give you more space. And it's worked for me the few times I've driven in Northern California. And, actually, when I drove cross-country to get here.

Regardless, the trick then is to continue to slow down and give those cars that moved in more room. And if you start watching the entire pattern of traffic on the highway, you'll generally know that those cars are about to change into your lane and you can almost pre-emptively give them room to do so.

I'm not quite sure how to explain that -- I just at some point starting seeing all the cars moving around like a dance, and saw it as my job to coordinate with their movements, rather than trying to outrun them in a race.
posted by occhiblu at 11:08 AM on October 22, 2005

I have a binary personality--nice guy/asshole. The thing that helps me the most is to stay in the far right lane and not leave it. When I leave that lane, and especially when I get into the left lane, Mr. Hyde comes out in full bloom. But, if I stay in the right-hand lane the trips are almost enjoyable.
posted by phewbertie at 2:08 AM on October 23, 2005