If I Eat Any More Leaves I Am Going To Turn Into A Sloth
January 18, 2014 5:10 AM Subscribe
My gall bladder tried to explode three months ago, and the only thing maintaining its good behavior is a fat free vegan diet. DOESN'T THAT SOUND JOYOUS? I am so fed up with my limited dietary options it is all I can do to ask you, oh beloved Mefites, for what recipes and suggestions you can offer to allow me to taste a food again.
I am done with leafy salads. It's summer where I am and I have eaten every permutation of green leaf + whatever. I've even sourced many a kale, chard, pea leaves, the works. Done, man. Just done. Three months of leaves.
The fat free thing is a fucken nightmare. It's a big wrench into my google fu, as an awful lot of appealing vegan recipes I keep finding have pain makers in them. No avocado, no coconut milk, no coconut cream, no nut milks or butters, no olive oil, nothing. Nada. Zippo. Every time I have tried sneaking bits into my diet I have wound up in agony. I can manage small amounts of ground up nuts as a half-hearted flavouring agent, but no more than a slight, sad drizzling. Just so you can taste that maybe, there should be a taste, but not enough to identify what it is. Just enough to make me weep lightweight, nutritionally incomplete tears.
Right now I'm living on cucumber sushi rolls, dry-fried tofu, vermicelli, and goddamn salad. I've generally pretty adventurous when it comes to food, so any flavour profile is welcome. I love Indian cooking in particular, but the NO FAT NO HOW LADY part of the equation is making life difficult here. I also have access to various ethnic food places from all corners of the globe (seriously, there's a Phillipines grocer next door to a Russian deli across the road from a Greek run greengrocer and that's just on my block) so I can probably source, like, khlav kalash or whatever if only you swear to me it doesn't taste of boring.
My only other request is that I avoid anything that is too sugary, as I don't have much of a sweet tooth and my partner is trying to go as carb light as possible. Also, I have a six month old baby so nothing that will take five hours of careful maceration followed by a ritual flensing and then into the oven to be rotated at ten minute intervals for an hour...you get my drift. Relatively quick.
I don't yet have date for surgery. I've gotten a sort of "your-organ-failure-has-been-logged-and-placed-in-a-queue" letter from Queensland Health but haven't seen the surgeon yet. The gall bladder is coming out, I just don't have a timetable yet.
If you don't have any food ideas, maybe you could help me work out which god I've offended and whether this is an old priest/young priest moment or one requiring a black ram and a relaxed attitude to chthonic invocations.