Get out of my head already!
January 16, 2014 5:27 PM Subscribe
Specific tips and tricks for getting someone off your mind (when no-contact isn't an option)?
posted by justonegirl to Human Relations (17 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
For various reasons, I am in a (non)relationship that began four months ago as casual, non-exclusive dating and has evolved - devolved? - into your basic FWB arrangement. We see each other 3-4 times a month, usually just for sex, sometimes drinks/dinner before, sometimes lunch the next day. We occasionally run personal errands together, and text a few times a week, but a "real" relationship and exclusivity are completely off the table. This works for me, for the most part. This guy, while awesome in a lot of ways, has a million personal issues he's sorting through, as do I, and I think we are pretty much in agreement that a relationship wouldn't work. And while I'm definitely more wired for deep emotional bonds (and monogamy) than he is, this arrangement as it stands meets many of my needs right now, and I'm mostly content. For the purpose of this question, please assume that nothing with him needs to change. (FWIW, I am dating other people as the opportunity arises, I'm in therapy, and I'm working through my stuff.)
The one problem is this: I would really like to reduce the amount of time I spend thinking about this guy, fantasizing about him, analyzing his texts and behaviors, etc. Rather than just *pretending* to be cool and aloof between our "visits," I'd actually like to feel that way for real. I want to be able to focus on other activities and people, and be pleasantly surprised when I have a chance to see him. I'm not doing this to try to prolong the "chase" and pique his interest more (although I guess that would be a side benefit, maybe?) but rather to try to gain some more balance in my life and feel more independent and less needy. Because I want to continue my involvement with this person, typical "no contact" advice doesn't really apply.
Any advice on keeping things in perspective, managing silly crushes, and getting on with life would be very appreciated! Thank you!