When to follow up about following up?
December 23, 2013 5:36 AM Subscribe
I met an old classmate at a party recently and would like to reconnect. I emailed her about asking her to hang, but I've gotten no response. What next? Social anxiety-colored snowflakes abound.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (8 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Recently I was at an alumni holiday party, where I spent an extended amount of time talking to a classmate who I really didn't know that well while we were at school. Despite not really knowing each other, we really hit it off, I think. I enjoyed the conversation we had, and I believed the feeling was mutual. At the end of the party, I gave her a card with my contact information, and she told me her email address (which is comprised of her name, so that was easy for me to remember). I believe we made vague mentions of hanging out, I'm not sure-- I had had some wine. It also came out during our conversation that I was not on Facebook, so she told me that I should get on there and friend her, even though she was pretty hidden. (I'll just say now that I'm not going to get into why I'm not on Facebook here. I have no plans to get on anytime soon.)
I was elated when I left, for several reasons. I have social anxiety due to poor social skills, which I'm trying to improve, but my Asperger's is a cruel mistress. I'm horrible at reading people. I'm in NYC, and even though it's a big city, it's also been incredibly hard for me to make acquaintances, let alone friends, here. I've been getting better, though-- I've met a couple of people through gym classes, book clubs, etc., although I've only been able to make outside plans with one of them. So I was thinking, "I had a nice conversation! A cool connection! Yay! Awesome! Go me!"
The next day I added her on LinkedIn. At the party, we talked about our jobs. We're in similar lines of work, went to the same school, and all the alumni seem to have each other as connections on that site, including people they know personally, so I didn't find this unusual. She added me back. I waited a week, and then emailed her at the address she gave me, asking if she wanted to hang out.
This was on Tuesday, and I haven't heard back. I'm not sure what the protocol is to following up with her, if any. Maybe it's because of the holidays? In that case, should I write her again after New Year's, or would that be too much? I had a therapist a while back who told me that no response is basically a response, but can that really be true all the time? I really don't want to contact her about this on LinkedIn, and getting on Facebook just to contact her is not an option. Thanks in advance.